>You wake up in the body of one Anonymous Jr.
>That is to say, you wake up in your own body.
>Just like every morning.
>Most of the time, at least.
>Begrudgingly, you drag yourself out of bed.
>Today’s the day. Your first appearance at Canterlot High School is in the works.
>Changing schools always sucks ass but this time you’re confident things will go well.
>After all, CHS is supposed to be all about the “Magic of Friendship” or whatever other gay shit.
>You lazily get up onto your feet and make your bed. Surveying the room, a pair of pants once carelessly tossed aside climbs its way up your legs.
“Huh, thanks.”
>”No problem.”
>Pants acquired, your closet doors open for you. A barrage of vivid colors and musical notes fly from it, encouraging you to sing as your shirt wraps itself around you and buttons itself.
“OHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT’S A WONDERFUL DAY!
I’M STANDING HE~RE WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE!
EVERYTHING FEELS GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
IT’S A WONDERFUL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”
>’Gosh, what the fuck am I doing?’
>Suddenly, your door slams open.
>The doorframe morphs into a mouth, and begins whispering seductive nothings at you, beckoning you to go all the way through it.
>You roll your eyes and proceed casually down the escalator outside your bedroom, greeted once again by the happy sight of a dirty, empty kitchen.
>Plates fly off shelves and food appears on top of them. You help yourself to a fantastic breakfast.
>Glancing at the clock, Time tells you that you should probably get going. He gathers you up in his arms and pulls you out the door to your car.
>Yes, you have a car and a license to drive. You’re a senior in high school after all.
“Wait, don’t forget my bag!”
>In response to your plea, your shoes pry themselves off your feet and dash into the house. As you merrily buckle your seatbelt, they run back out the door, bag in tow.
“You guys sure are athletes!”
 
>Jamming your keys in the ignition, you give ‘em a turn and fire up your vehicle.
>Your radio assaults you with gibberish, so you switch it to “CD” and get comfortable in a wave of music.
>With a cheerful grin, you gun it out of your driveway.
>Speeding is against the law, but Law is no friend of yours!
>Nothing particularly interesting is happening on the way to school, so you see it fit to tune out for a bit.
>Not that you’re practicing unsafe driving or anything.
>...
>With the school now in view, you slow down to a more reasonable speed.
>After all, you really shouldn’t exceed 25 mph in a school zone! If that driver’s education class you took taught you anything, that’s it.
>You pull into an open space near the front entrance. You pat your dashboard as your car whines, it never likes it when you turn it off.
>Compassions over with, you twist your keys and wrench them out, plunging them back into your pocket.
>Suddenly, your hatstand springs from your back seat. It’s uppermost prongs morph into a smile.
>”Hi Anon! I forgot to give you your favorite hat this morning. So I came with you, teehee!~”
“Oh Mr. Hatstand! Thank you so much, you shouldn’t have!” You say, in a knowing, exasperated tone.
>Your hatstand grins nervously and shakes free a large, oddly patterned top hat. It has multiple thin, stick-like things poking out of it and a red cloth tied around it.
>You adorn your head with your fine piece of attire and begin your jaunt into the school building.
>Seemling awaiting your entrance, a warm looking woman stands amidst a reverie of largening and shrinking lockers, holographic doors, and a floor splotched with patches of lava.
>Cautiously, you tip-toe your way towards her.
>Despite the oddness of your saunter, her motherly smile never fades.
>”Haha! I wonder what she’d look like while she was dying.” You think to yourself, just before a floor tile jumps up and snaps at your ankles.
 
>Ever patient, the woman waits until you’re just outside arms length to greet you.
>”Hello there, I’m Principal Celestia.” She begins, extending a hand, “You must be the new transfer, a mister… Anonymous?”
>As her mouth opens and closes, birds fly out from her throat and begin circling your head.
>The shrill noise of their chirps almost prevents you from hearing everything she said, but you manage to pick up on every word.
>You grab her hand and shake it vigorously.
“Yep, that’s me! I’m Anonymous! Well, I guess I’m not anymore, considering you know who I am…”
>You begin to sweat as she laughs at your joke.
“Oh, uh, by the way, you can just call me Anon.”
>”Well, Anon, I hope you’ll enjoy your time here at CHS. I trust you’ve received your schedule…?” She says, trailing off after noticing the horrified expression on your face.
“I, uh, um… I d-don’t…”
>The colors around you begin distorting and fading out.
>Black and white consume the visible spectrum and you start to feel lightheaded.
>”Anon? Anonymous. Anonymous!” Principal Celestia shakes you, her hands on your shoulders. She looks you in the eyes, still holding her gentle, loving expression. “Don’t worry about! We can get a copy for you right away.”
>With that, she rushes into her office. Moments later, she walks right back out.
>”Here you are, Anonymous.”
>You grasp the piece of paper from her seven fingers and gaze up into her four eyes. Lights fade in and out, but her angelic halo imprint upon you the image of a goddess.
“Right, sorry, thank you.” You force out, holding back a tear.
>”It looks like you have first period with Mr. Cranky Doodle. Another of my students, Sunset Shimmer, would most definitely be happy to show you around, if you want. She’s in the same class.”
>You pop in and out of existence as she points you towards the classroom.
>Putting one hand in front of the other, you walk your way inside the room.
 
>Putting one foot in front of the other, you approach the teacher’s desk with the intention of introducing yourself.
>Surprisingly, everything seems normal.
“Excuse me, you are Mr. Cranky Doodle, correct?”
>He slowly looks up at you, “Yeah, that’s me.” He says with a sigh. “You the new kid?”
“Yep, I'm Anonymous. A pleasure to meet you.”
>”Uhuh.” He says, in a monotone drawl.  “Well, you can introduce yourself to the class once everyone is here. Or not. Your choice.”
>With a harumph, he returns to the papers he was working on.
“Yeah, okay. I'll do that!”
>Moments later, people begin filling into the classroom.
>A few of them give you odd glances.
>Mr. Cranky Doodle stands and walks up to the front of the room.
>”Good morning class. I trust you all had great weekends. I sure didn’t.”
>The class laughs as he lets out a long sigh.
>”Anyways, today we have a new student joining us.”
>He motions for you to come up to the front of the room. “Go on then, introduce yourself.”
“Ahem, uh, hi everyone! I’m Anonymous, but you can just call me Anon. I just moved to Canterlot recently and I’m really looking forward to a great year with all of you!”
>”Uh, Anonymous, are you in there?”
>You turn to your teacher, confused.
“Huh?”
>You failed to notice your mouth had jumped off your face and run away.
>Noticing your panic, your hand detaches itself and crawls after it.
>Following a brief scuffle, you put on a panicked smile.
>”We’re waiting.”
>The whole class awkwardly looks around.
>As sweat rolls down your face, a few students start laughing.
“Um… h-hello. MynameisAnonymous.You can just call me Anon…” You mutter quietly.
>The students heads start bursting into flames.
>Their hair becomes snakes.
>Every sound they make is a screech in your ears.
>You are absolutely terrified.
“And, uh… that’s it.”
>You move to take a seat in the back of the room but halfway there a fallen tree blocks your path and knocks you down a spiral staircaise.
>”Hah, nice one, dweeb!” A mean voice shouts, tumbling down after you.
 
 
>You arduously force your way back up and claim your seat at your desk.
>Next to you, a fiery haired girl. She leans over towards you. “Don't worry about her, she’s just a bully.” She whispers. “My name's Sunset Shimmer.”
>Ah, so this is the girl the principal told you about.
>She seems nice.
>The massive horn coming out of her head and the demon wings really shout ‘great person’.
“Heh, uh, yeah it's fine. Nice to meet you.”
>Suddenly, your backpack forces open the zipper you put on it.
>The travelling storyteller duo, #2 Pencil 1 and #2 Pencil 2 roll onto your desk.
>They pull you into a different world, tuning out everything around you.
>So it only makes sense that you ignore everything else.
>Aside from a few isolated incidents, the rest of the day was mostly bland.
>You continued on in your own world until the end of the week, when it came to be that you were holding court in the lunchroom.
 
>Be you
>You're Sunset Shimmer.
>You're eating lunch with your friends.
>Separate from the usual talk, conversation has drifted to the new kid. Anon.
>”I think he's weird!” exclaims Rainbow Dash.
>Rarity scoffs. “Now, Rainbow Dash! I expected more from you. You barely know him!”
>Hey! Neither do you!”
>”Girls! Ah don't think it's very polite ta be talkin’ about him like this.” Applejack interjects.
“I agree Applejack, but I have to wonder,  why is Anon always alone?”
>Seriously, what is up with him?
>”Hey what do you mean alone? That table is full!” Your over-excited pink friend chimes in.
“Full? What are you talking about? It's empty.”
>”Oh, okay!”
>Pinkie Pie returns to playing with her food.  She's somehow managed to assemble a working squad of toy soldiers.
>You've gotten used to it…yeah…
>You sigh.
>Principal Celestia did say he was, well,  special.
“Maybe one of us should go talk to him?”
>”Not it!” Rainbow Dash quickly yells out.
>Rarity, Applejack, and even Fluttershy immediately follow suit.
>”I-I’d just really prefer not to,  h-he kind of scares me.” Says the sheepish third.
>Pinkie Pie is too absorbed in her reenactment of D-Day and Twilight is currently absent.
“Fine, well, I guess I'll go talk to him then.”
>”Good luck!”
>You watch everyone cheerfully return to conversation as you cautiously approach Anon’s table.
>”Order! ORDER, I SAID!”
>Oh goodness...
 
>Anon slams his fist into the table and shouts at nothing as you approach him.
>He glares angrily around at all the empty seats.
“Um, hi Anon!”
>”Oh, Sunset! You're exactly who I was waiting for!”
“W-what?!”
>...
>You're Anon again.
>Sunset Shimmer finally arrived!
>She’s the key witness the prosecution has been waiting for.
>You motion to the glowing, rotund man in front of you.
“Jelly Rambler here says you saw the murder take place! You've been called to testify.”
>You cross your arms in a stately manner.
>Sunset looks very confused.
>You decide to intervene once her face starts melting off.
“Listen here! No one can force you to testify, but if you withhold valuable information, you'll be letting this man go free!”
>You point at the lithe, slimy man to your right. His tar black skin blisters with hatred.
“You're the only one who can tell us whether he really killed those people!”
>”If you don't testify, you're just as much a murderer as he is! You monster!” Jelly Rambler shouts.
>Wow, isn't he just absolutely livid.
>”Anon, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about.” Sunset says, awkwardly shuffling her feet.
>You give an exasperated sigh.
“Sunset, listen. This is a very delicate matter. The way you’re acting right now suggests this man is innocent.”
>”I don’t see an-”
“Sunset! We need your help to put this man away for good!”
>”Anon, are you messing with me?”
“Sunset, this is NOT a joking matter.” You shout, standing up and waving your arms. “You are the key witness in this case! Right?!”
>””No, I don-, what are you talking about! Anon, you’re scaring me. Not to mention, you’re kind of making a scene!” Sunset shouts, her voice getting quieter towards the end.
>She brushes your hand off her shoulder.
>Apparently it saw fit to fall off while you were moving your arms and grabbed hold of her.
>You stoop down and pick it back up.
 
>Meanwhile, everyone in the lunchroom has turned to look at you.
>Before you know it, your feet are out the door.
>Well, not that that means you are.
>Running away never worked before so it definitely isn’t the best course of action here.
>You feel really uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the standing on stumps thing but it could be how everyone’s eyes have rolled out of their sockets and are now starting a massive drilling operation on every inch of your body.
>You shake your body to knock them off, and they rapidly return to their hosts.
>Only to resume staring at you, of course.
>Your vision turns red and you begin to sweat profusely, filling the room with gallons of liquid.
>Just as you begin drowning, someone interrupts you.
>”Anon, it’s okay.”
“Oh, right.” You say, turning back to your companions. “Case closed everyone, we all know he gets away with it in the end anyway.”
>The trees growing out of the ceiling caress your head with their branches, and you give Sunset a big smile.
“Hi Sunset! What was it you wanted?”
>She looks shocked at your sudden shift in demeanor.
>”Well, I came over here to talk to you. What was all that about just now…?”
“What are you talking about?”
>”You were spouting all this nonsense about me being a witness to something.”
“Nope, you must be crazy, Shimmy.”
>”Shimmy? Crazy? Anon, slow down a second. I’m really confused!”
>You give her a big shrug. Your head falls off your shoulders.
“Don’t worry about it!”
>Sunset blinks a couple times.
>Your head is back where it started.
>”Listen, Anon, I wanted to ask why you’re always over here all alone.”
“Oh, uh, well, I don’t really know anyone. Seems obvious to me. Besides, sitting on my own let’s me h-handle important BUSINESS!”
>’God, my teeth really hurt…’
>”Do you want me to introduce you to my friends?” Sunset asks, forcefully ignoring your odd behavior.
 
>By this point, the rest of the lunchroom has settled back into whatever they were doing.
>Well, not everyone.
>A blue blur rapidly approaches you.
>”Hey! Sunset! Is this kid giving you trouble?” A cocky sounding, athletic looking girl shouts.
>”No! Rainbow, it’s fine. I was actually just about to bring Anon over to introduce you all to him.”
>”Sunset, I dunno…” Rainbow says, visibly uncomfortable.
>”Rainbow! I’m sure we’ll all love Anon once we get to know him. Including you!”
>With that, you all melted into a puddle and oozed your way over to their table.
>Four girls, all beautiful in their own right, awaited your arrival.
>The pink one on the far left catches your eye. The reenactment she appears to be working on is an absolute masterwork.
>”Anon, these are my friends! Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy.”
“H-hello! I’m Anon.”
>”A pleasure to make your acquaintance, DARLING. My name is Rarity.” Says the ivory-skinned beauty in front of you.
>Her purple curls all fall off her head.
>’Wow, that looks ridiculous.’
>You stoop down for a second intending to help her pick them up, but stop when you see the flash of indignation on her face.
>You realize she was offering you her hand, and give it a nice shake.
>Her country looking friend seems to be up next.
>”Mah name’s Applejack. Nice ta meet ya.” She says, blowing some hair out of her eyes.
“Likewise!”
>”Don’t forget about me!” The blue one shouts. “I’m Rainbow Dash! You probably already knew that. I’m kind of awesome.”
“Um, nope, first time I’ve heard of you.”
>The disappointment on her face is tangible.
>So tangible, in fact, it reaches towards you and gives you a big smack.
>You fall to the ground.
 
>”Woah, dude, what the heck? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” You respond, standing back up.
>”Whatever. How could you not know who I am, anyway? I’m the best soccer player in the country! Captain of the Wonderbolts!”
>You check her out.
>She looks pretty fast. The wings probably help with that.
>But you’re not gonna let her win this one!
“You don’t look like much, though.”
>Her face turns red. Or purple?
>”Oh yeah!? You think you could beat me, one on one?”
“Maybe.”
>You really don’t like sports. Exempting one.
>”Well, I challenge you!”
“Yeah, not right now.”
>”Then you’re a coward?”
“Scared to see you lose, sure!”
>She stamps her foot.
>”Alright you two! Don’t get carried away.” Sunset interrupts.
>You put your hands up in surrender.
>’Guess there’s a first time for everything, huh?’
>”Anon, why don’t you sit down with us? We’d all like to get to know you.” She continues.
>You comply.
>Hiding behind Applejack is a girl who must be Fluttershy, considering the aptness of her name.
>The one who Sunset named as Pinkie Pie is still lost in her artwork.
>You nod in approval at her, to which she replies with a big smile.
>”So Anon, ah been wondering, where did y’all use ta live?” Applejack inquires.
“Oh, Manehattan. I had to get out of there.”
>”Not a fan of city livin’?”
“No. The city didn’t like me.”
>”Whaddya mean?”
“It kept trying to kill me. Rather vengeful, really.”
>”I don’t get it.”
>You sigh.
“Me and Manehattan didn’t agree with each other, so I got out.” You say, irritation in your tone.
>”Alright, okay.”
 
>You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
>You could cut a lot of things with a knife.
>”DARLING!” Rarity exclaims, “I simply must know. What activities do you partake in during your free time? Hobbies, interests?”
“I kill people.”
>She’d turn pale as a ghost if she wasn’t already .
>”W-whatever do you mean, darling?”
“Stabby stabby, you know?”
>”I-I’m afraid I don’t follow.”
>She looks terrified.
>The table bursts into flame.
“It was just a joke. HAHA. See?”
>”Oh, of course. Haha!” She cautiously laughs.
>”Wow! You’re really bad at this!” Says the pink one.
“I know, right?”
>You both laugh.
“I suppose I don't really have any hobbies. I spend all my free time getting lost.”
>”Oo, quite the philosopher, Anon!” Rarity exclaims.
“No no, I meant that literally.”
>Silence.
>”This tooooooootally isn’t awkward…” Rainbow Dash says, sighing.
>Her voice grows faint, as if it's far away.
“Oh shit!” You shout, slapping the sides of your head.
>The girls are taken aback by your vulgarity, but a decent combination of curiosity and confusion shines through their shock.
>You leap to your feet.
>Your ears seems to have run off, and they don't appear to plan on coming back.
“You have to help me catch them!”
>You take off, sprinting after your lobes-on-the-lam.
 
>”Oh boy, wot in tarnation has gotten inta him?” Says Applejack, stoic-faced.
>”O-oh my…” Fluttershy whispers, more nervous than usual. “A-angel seems to be missing again…”
>You're Sunset again by the way.
“Alright! We’ll find Angel and help Anon at the same time!”
>You turn to chase after Anon.
>He's really weird. You already knew that, but you weren't expecting this.
>”Hold ube, your horses, Sugarcube. Lunch period is almost over, we’ll be late ta class!”
>You know she’s right.
“You don’t have to help if you don’t want to Applejack. But Angel could get hurt! This is serious!”
>At the mention of potential danger towards Angel, Fluttershy takes off.
“Plus, something's wrong with Anon. Yeah we barely know him, but this could be our chance!”
>”Well, alright Sunset. I got it.”
“Pinkie, Dash, Rarity. Are you coming?”
>”You betcha Sunset! I don't know what I'd do without mine afterall!” Pinkie says, grabbing her ears for some reason.
>”And you can always count on me!” Rainbow states, rather proudly.
>”I do apologize but I absolutely can not be late to my next class. That teacher truly does have it out for me!” Rarity exclaims.
“It's fine Rarity, we understand.” You say hurriedly. “Let's go girls!”
>The four of you shoot out of the lunchroom.
>You catch up with Fluttershy, who is desperately searching the various nooks and crannies of the hall for Angel.
>”Angel! Oh Angel! Come out! Where are you?” She pleads.
>You all immediately start helping her look.
>There's no sign of the rabbit or Anon anywhere, though.
 
>The being which calls itself Anonymous is now you.
>You're absolutely fucked.
>Your ears are leading you on one hell of a journey.
>Mist fills the air, and you're surrounded on all sides by dense jungle-esque foliage.
>You haven't seen a cloud in days!
>At night, a huge, white animal with massive feet chases after you.
>Not to mention, it's ears are huge!
>Like it's mocking you.
>You lost your shirt somewhere in the middle of week 2. It snagged on the branches of a plant which deigned to eat you alive. You had to sacrifice it for your own good.
>You hope the same thing doesn't happen with your pants, you'd like to maintain SOME shred of dignity.
>’Why is this happening to me?’
>A piercing screech sounds in your ears.
>Voices from the heavens call out for an angel, and a monstrous roar answers it.
>The beast that stalks you!
>You've been waiting for this moment.
>You lie in wait, until finally you see it.
>Its disgusting, hairy form plods into view.
>It passes right by you and begins desperately scratching at the large tree in front of you.
>You pounce on its back and grab it by the ears.
“Aha! Back down now despair! I have conquered your challenge! Forever my steed, I shall ride this beast in defiance against you!”
>You stoop down and grab a branch off the forest floor.
“My holy sword!”
>’Man, things are really looking up!’
“Onward, creature! To victory!”
>You steer your mount directly into the large tree, and crash straight through it?
>”A-anon!? W-what the heck!” A familiar sounding voice screams. “G-get off me!!”
 
>You're Sunset Shimmer.
>You and your friends are helping Fluttershy look for Angel and trying to find Anon.
>Moments ago, you all heard loud crashing sounds and muffled shouting from inside the janitor’s closet.
>”Eep!” Lets out Fluttershy, immediately dashing behind you.
>You back away from the door.
“It’s probably nothing, everyone! Stay calm.”
>Rainbow Dash and Applejack stand in front of you.
>After a few long seconds of silence, Rainbow behind approaching the door.
>With great trepidation of course.
>As her hand was just to about to grab the handle, the door suddenly slams open.
>From it, springs Anon!
>He collides with Rainbow, sending them both sprawling to the floor with him on top.
>”A-anon!? W-what the heck!” She screams. “G-get off me!”
>With a look of confusion, he gazes into Rainbow’s eyes.
>”Marry me.” He whispers.
>Blushing profusely, she shoves him off of her.
>He quickly stands up. For some reason,  he’s shirtless.
>In one hand, he holds a mop, and in the other…
>Angel!
>You give Anon another once-over.
>He certainly doesn't look bad. He must work out.
>Seriously though, why isn't he wearing a shirt.
“Anon! You found Angel! Why aren't you wearing a shirt?”
>”Casualty of war…” He mutters. “Angel? Who's that?”
>You point to the rabbit in his hand.
>He slowly turns to look at it.
>A wave of terror rolls over his face and he performs a dramatic gulp.
>”Does, uh… does this belong to you?” He says, breathlessly.
>He holds Angel out by his ears towards you
“Well, not to me, but…”
>You push Fluttershy out from behind you.
>”Oh, ah, Angel doesn't really belong to anyone, but I take care of him.” She mumbles out to him.
>Anon drops the mop he was holding and holds Angel in front of his face.
>”Did you understand any of that?” He asks the rabbit.
>Angel shrugs.
>”Yeah, me neither.” He says. Then he leans down towards Fluttershy.
>He takes a deep breath.
>”PLEASE SPEAK UP!” He shouts in her face.
>She recoils away from him.
 
>You're Anon.
>And that was hilarious.
>You laugh.
>The monster in your hand is furious, but you've already shown it who's boss.
>You absolutely feel like the king of the world.
“Hey, I'm sorry. I went a little too far there.”
>You hand her the creature.
>It morphs into a cute little bunny in her arms.
>You glance around you.
>Applejack, Sunset, Fluttershy, and your wife.
>Man, your wife looks pissed. So much for newlywed bliss.
>’What are they all doing here?’
“So… uh, what brings you all out here?”
>”We were looking for you and Angel, jerk!” Shouts Rainbow Dash.
“Took you long enough! So much for you being fast, huh?”
>”Grr! I am so gonna kick your butt in that soccer match!”
>You check your watch. The two little people you have trapped in it are happy to inform you that you're very late to class.
>”Anon, are yo-” Sunset starts.
“Hey, this has been fun and all, but I've really gotta get to class.”
>You take off running down the hall.
>”Hold on, you ain't wea-” You hear Applejack start to call after you.
>Your body folds into itself and you fall through a series of hoops before slamming straight into Ms. Cheerilee’s locked door.
>You knock, but it seems your body already did that for you, as the door opens mid knock.
>Still disoriented from your fall, you burst into the classroom.
>Your explosive entry knocks the girl who opened the door for you onto the ground.
>Why does that keep happening?
>You spread your arms wide.
“Your champion has arrived!”
>People look at you with mixtures of shock and confusion on their face.
“Please, hold your praise. I am but a mortal!”
>Everyone awkwardly shuffles in their seat.
>”Anon, what are you doing?” Ms. Cheerilee asks.
>You ignore her.
“Yes, I have returned unscathed from the depths of the jungle. Yes, I conquered the white beast. However! I am here now as a simple student.”
 
>You pace back and forth for a moment in front of the classroom.
>”Anon, please take your seat. Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Ms. Cheerilee says, pointing her hand towards a desk in protest.
“Taking a seat is something I shall not stand for!”
>She laughs nervously.
>”Anon… you’re standing.”
>You don't know what to make of that.
>The whole class erupts into laughter.
>’No matter.’
“Or am I!”
>You pause for a second.
>”Anon, you're disrupting class. I didn't say anything last time, but I mean it! Sit down, NOW! AND WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A SHIRT!?”
>Wow, she is fuming!
“Ms. Cheerilee, I respectfully decline! I deserve nothing less than a hero’s welcome, and you give me this!”
>You walk up to her.
>With your height you easily tower over her.
>As you stare at her face, her hair melts off her skull and her eyeballs turn black.
>You sneer in disgust.
“Apologize.”
>The rest of the class is dead silent.
>Dead like, they've all become corpses.
>Suddenly, back to normal, Ms. Cheerilee slaps you across the face.
>’Yeah, you took that too far.’
>”That is IT! ANONYMOUS, REPORT TO PRINCIPAL CELESTIA’S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.”
 
>You hang your head in shame as you walk towards the pearly gates.
>Those being the door to Principal Celestia’s office, of course.
>She's like an angel…
>You knock on the door.
>”Yes, Anon, come in.”
>You brace yourself as you open the door.
>”Please, take a seat. Or will that be a problem now as well?” She muses.
>Even now she has that calm, heavenly smile.
>It’s a shame you're engaged, or you might start to get ideas.
>”Now Anon, my first question for you should be obvious. Why aren't you wearing a shirt?” She firmly queries, pausing for a second to flick her eyes up and down your chest. “Not that I'm complaining…” She mutters under her breath.
>Now might not be the time to tell the truth.
“Principal Celestia, I lost my shirt running through the jungle. It snagged on a branch, and I couldn't stop to pull it free.”
>So much for that idea.
>”Anon, the jungle? Do you think I'm crazy? There isn't a jungle in our school.” She says, a sad, knowing look in her eyes.
>You start to sweat.
“Uh, I, um, I-I, uh…” You sputter, at a loss for words.
>She takes a deep breath.
>You need to save face. You've been in situations like this before.
>”Anon, calm down” says a third party
>You burst into laughter.
“Haha, got you! You probably thought I was crazy for a second, huh? Well, I'm not! I took my shirt off all as part of an elaborate ruse. In all honesty Principal, I just wanted to see your face.”
>You lean in close towards her.
>You put your hand near the one she has on her desk.
>Ignoring the smell of her skin burning as the room is set ablaze, you put your face even closer to hers, whispering
“I think you're beautiful.”
 
>If your vision wasn't already completely red, you'd be able to see the intense blush on her face.
>”A-anonymous, we can't… you're a student.” She says breathlessly.
“But, Celestia,” You say, emphasizing her name, “I am eighteen, and, after all, don't you have to punish me somehow?”
>You're getting pretty hot, and not just because of the smoldering blaze attacking your pants.
>”Anonymouz, I had no intention of punishing you, all things considered. But if you don't cease this behavior, I'll have to give you detention… in my office.” She whines seductively.
>’Hey! You have a boner!’
>Having never intended this to get this far, and out of fear for your personal safety, you decide this has to end.
>You pull away from her abruptly.
“That's okay Principal! Say, do you have any shirts I could wear? I have to get going if I want to make it to my last class.”
>She looks at you sadly.
>The room, thankfully, is back to normal.
>”Anonymous, I do not appreciate your playing with my emotions like that. I don't have anything normal.”
>She walks over to a cabinet.
>”But, for some reason, I have some costumes from a school play. If you would like to look through this bin, you could probably find something wearable.”
>You begin looking through the bin.
>You eventually settle on a ridiculous looking pilgrim’s get-up.
>You tried to take a pair of angel wings but Celestia gave you a look.
“Alright, thank you!” you say, turning to leave.
>”Of course Anonymous. My door is always open for you~”
>’Fucking pedo…’
>You get through the short rest of the school day without incident.
>Sunset and co. approached you about joining them at Sugarcube corner tomorrow. You agreed.
>Your 1v1 with Rainbow is also slated for that day.
>You walk on your hands out of the school building.
>Considering it's Friday night, you hop in your vehicle and get ready for some FUN.
 
>You punch your keys into the ignition.
>WIth as much caution as you can muster you burn asphalt out of the parking lot, taking off down the road.
>You decide to head out into the city.
>Your vision is obscured by assaults of flashing lights.
>Your car grows lighter and bounds into the air.
>You swerve back and forth over a dotted line on a landscape of green. Red streaks and hyena screams plaster your windshield.
>You pull into an alleyway and take a deep breath.
>It’s getting late.
>You’ve just been enjoying driving.
>Nothing serious, you're pretty chilled out.
>You gaze out at the busy night traffic.
>There's something beautiful in mechanical nature.
>It's starting to rain, so you get back in your car.
>You put on some simple tunes.
“Oof, low on gas.”
>Guess you're spending some money tonight.
>You cruise on over to the nearest gas station.
>You pull into a slot and prepare to start pumping.
“Three dollars a gallon? Damn.”
>You fill up your tank and head inside to pay.
>You bump into a disheveled-looking blue-haired woman.
>You briefly lock your gaze with her stunning green eyes.
>Piercing.
>You apologize and hastily walk to the counter.
>You pay for your gas and grab yourself a snickers. Good shit.
>You set course and drive home.
>Upon arrival, you turn off your car and step into your yard.
>You take a moment to appreciate the unfettered silence of this suburban neighborhood after dark.
>You gaze up at the moon and the stars.
>Seems like you'll have a busy day tomorrow.
>You sit down in the grass and lay there for a few minutes.
>Taking a moment to process everything you've been through really helps you put stuff together.
 
>You have a soccer match against Rainbow Dash, and you doubt you'll win. She's supposed to be extraordinary, and it would take an extraordinary situation for you to best her.
>Then you're hanging out with the rest of the girls, Sunset and her friends.
>You don't know them all that well but you're looking forward to it. Your ‘eccentric’ behavior usually keeps people from wanting to associate with you.
>You let out a happy sigh and stand up.
>You don't want to fall asleep outside, who knows what could happen then.
>You slowly walk up to your front door and open it.
>No magic here this time, just the stripped down emptiness of your front room.
>Crippling silence and a distinct absence of light.
>’Oo, I'm starting to tear up.’
>You climb up the stairs to your room.
>Without any regard for nightly personal hygiene, you strip off your clothes and slither into bed.
>Pink fairies dance above your head, beckoning you into a different realm.
>...
“Hark! Hypnos, the wily beast! Thy machinations unfold me!
>You draw your sword.
“Come now, shadowspawn! Face me!”
>You beat your chest with your free hand.
>You stand against a legion of unholy creatures.
>At your back, your father. Anonymous Sr.
>”Aha! It's been a while, hasn't it, son?”
>You haven't seen him in years.
“Just as well that we meet again here, father.”
>Together, you've taken on numerous beasts.
>He has a head of wavy black hair, just like you, although slicked back and stiffened with age.
>His eyebrows are white, and he sports a gentleman's goatee.
>His gray skin in stark contrast to your green, you make quite the sight atop this hill.
>The two of you are surrounded on all sides.  >You stiffen and relax as the creatures begin their advance, holding your weapons ready.
>Soon, they are atop you.
>You swing your sword gracefully, moving with a practiced finesse.
>You cut down hundreds, thousands, but the horde is endless.
>You make eye contact with your dad across the battlefield. He nods and snaps his fingers.
 
>Gravity shifts and your perception of the world lurches.
>The ground is a ceiling, the sky a never-ending abyss.
>The two of you tethered somewhat, you're allowed a cautious freefall.
>Pushing loose those troops who cling to earth, you leap towards those who sought to attack from above.
>Without mercy, you use your advantage to it's deadliest potential.
>At the end of your battle, with the fall of the last enemy, ‘reality’ returns to normal.
>You give your parent a big, celebratory hug.
>Also, you're indulging a little in his temporary company.
>”Son, it's always a pleasure spending time with you like this. I'm sorry it always has to be in these circumstances, though.
>You shake your head in understanding and smile as everything fades to black.
>...
>You awake with a jolt.
>You feel really happy, but you're not sure why.
“Whatever.”
>You yawn as you roll out of bed.
“Big day today. Big!”
>You stand in front of the mirror leaning against your wall and admire your own naked body.
>You listen to your clothes demanding you put them on yourself this time.
“What do you mean I don't pay you enough? I own you!”
>Your wardrobe grumbles in deference to the truth of that statement and your day’s outfit pulls itself onto your body.
>It’s a nice day outside, but a little chilly heading into the fall months.
>A pair of shorts seems like a must, though, since you're heading up against Rainbow today.
>A nice long-sleeve and a sweater to keep the upper half of your body warm.
>Sneakers.
>Anyway, you've never been much into fashion and you don't even dress yourself.
>You head downstairs into your kitchen and make yourself breakfast. Three fried eggs, some bacon, and a bowl of cereal.
>With that, you're all ready.
>Time whispers into your ear that you should leave shortly.
>You're meeting Rainbow at the school field.
>’Sports. Not a fan.’
 
>Your car slams through the wall of your house and honks its horn at you.
>Guess that's as good a sign as any it's time to go.
>You jump in the front seat and reverse out of the hole.
>It waves goodbye to you as it begins fixing itself.
“How polite.”
>You drive with utmost caution. No one is a safer driver than you.
>Which is how you make it to the school in record time.
>Additionally, that’s how your park job takes up three spaces and may or may not be sideways.
>What? It's not like anyone is there to say anything about it anyway.
>You walk on over to the field.
>Rainbow Dash stands there with her arms crossed, tapping her foot.
>”Took you long enough, jerk! You ready to settle this?”
“Born ready! This’ll be easy.”
>You pull off your sweater, you'll probably be working up a sweat anyway.
>You purposely lift your shirt up with it, for the express purpose of showing off.
>Letting it fall back to its normal position, you lean down so your face is in front of hers.
“Hey, remember what I asked you yesterday?”
>You grin as she blushes.
>”S-shut up! Let's play already!”
“Alright, let’s go.”
>You allow her to kick first, standing ready in front of your goal.
>On a count of three, you're off.
>You stop her ball with your feet and begin dribbling down the field.
>She moves to intercept you, and succeeds.
>Moving with currently unrivaled skill and speed, she deftly scores a goal.
>”Come on Anon! I didn't expect this to be so easy!”
 
>You stop to catch your breath.
>Man, she’s calling you out!
>Yeah, maybe the reason you don’t like sports is because you suck at them
>But all you have to do is kick a ball in a goal! You did not think it would be this difficult.
>Especially considering you have a strong, superior male body.
>You burst out laughing.
“Strong, superior male body… holy shit…” You sputter under your breath.
>You stretch your back, looking up towards the sky.
>You put your hands on your head and let out a roar with bestial vigor.
>”You ready yet?” Rainbow asks, yawning as she plays with the ball between her feet.
“Yeah, yeah… let’s g-woah!”
>You jump back as the ball snaps at you with its teeth.
>It struggles under Rainbow’s feet, growling menacingly at you.
>”Dude, you good? Can we get this over with or not?”
“Uh, yep.”
>She nods and kicks off.
>The ball, howling louder and louder, veers towards you.
>Coming into range, it bites at your feet.
>You kick it in the teeth and start moving it towards the goal.
>As you prepare yourself to send the ball flying, Rainbow slides in out of nowhere.
>Her foot gets lodged in the ball’s mouth.
>It turns to stone and clamps down on her foot, locking her in place.
>You trip and fall over her.
>She screams in pain.
>”W-what just happened!?!”
>You pick yourself up off of her and briefly look at her with disbelief.
>She clutches her foot in anguish.
>A little ways off, the ball rests completely normal.
>’What…?’
“Rainbow, are you okay? What happened?”
>”S-something bit me! I swear!”
>She obviously noticed the disbelief in your eyes, but she misinterpreted exactly what you're not believing.
>You pinch your arm.
>All good.
>You lean down and gently cup the side of her face with your hand.
>You pause for a moment and gaze into her eyes.
>”What ar-”
“I love you.”
>She slaps you.
 
>’Yep, this is definitely happening.’
>You know you're crazy as fuck, you just kinda roll with it.
>But this has never happened before.
>You walk over to the stray ball.
>Picking it up and inspecting it, you find nothing out of order.
>You look back over at Rainbow, who is both absolutely livid and very confused.
>You eye the ball again.
“Hey, look behind you!”
>She whips her head around.
>You beam the ball at her head.
>”Anon, I don't see anyt-” She begins, turn her head just in time to get hit square in the face.
>You immediately double over laughing.
“T-th… hahaha, that’s, too bad, Dash!”
>Her face turns a bright scarlet.
>”Anon, what the heck! That hurt!”
>You ignore her.
>This turn of events has made you very happy.
>You spread your arms out and fall back onto the grass.
“Hey, let's just call this game a draw.”
>”A draw!? I was kicking your butt!”
“Awww, come on!”
>”The only way this is ending right now is if you forfeit!” She says with a hmph.
“Can you even stand?”
>She slowly gets to her feet.
>Taking a step, you see regret wash over her face instantaneously.
>”T-totally! You should just give up right now!”
>You crunch your head forward and look up at her.
>She obviously isn't going to be running.
>The grass on the field turns a bright purple color and your ears start ringing.
“Yeah, you're right. I give up.”
>You stand up and hold your hand out to her.
“Good game? I guess?”
>She takes it, using you to stabilize herself. You see the relief she experiences and grin.
“What happened to your foot, anyway?”
>A perplexed look takes over her face.
>”I don't know dude, as soon as it touched the ball I just felt this sharp pain and I suddenly wasn't moving.”
“Man, that's really weird.”
>You heard all of that backwards.
>”I think I'm gonna have to bring it up with Twilight…” She says, quietly.
>It starts raining.
 
>Within seconds, both you and Rainbow are soaked.
>You love rain.
>She looks pissed.
>You look out at your car. It's the only one in the parking lot.
“Hey, do you live far from here? Need a ride?”
>You're both just standing in the downpour.
>”I live close, that’s why I walked here. I run way too fast to need a car!”
“So you're good, then?”
>”Absolut-” She starts, her sentence cut off by a bolt of lightning striking dangerously close and the roar of ensuing thunder.
>She jumps and pulls herself closer to you.
>”Aha, um, actually, since you're offering and all…” She says, looking down at her feet.
>’Wow, you really know how to pick ‘em.’
“Of course, let’s go.”
>You take her by the hand and pull her over to your car.
>She protests very loudly. Thankfully no one is around to come to any false conclusions.
>”Anon, let go of me!” She says, stomping her foot.
>Oof, that's the one she just hurt.
>You see her cringe in pain.
>You give her a cocky nod and keep going to the parking lot.
>You arrive at your vehicle.
>All the windows are broken, and the wheels are gone.
>That doesn't deter you from helping Rainbow into the passenger seat before getting in as well.
>You start the car up and blood immediately starts oozing out of the air vents.
“You're gonna have to give me directions.”
>She doesn't answer.
>She’s staring at the blood pooling on her shoes.
>”A-anon, t-tell me you see that too. You see this, right?”
>She looks absolutely terrified.
>You look from her to the red ooze and back to her.
“Nope, I don't see anything. What's up?”
 
>With that, everything is back to normal.
>She frantically looks around, investigating your glovebox and checking under the floor mat.
“Is everything alright? It'll be done raining by the time you tell me how to get to your house, at this rate.”
>”There was blood all over me!” She shouts.
“Woah, Rainbow, whether or not it's that time of the month is none of my business. Try not to get any on the seats, sheesh.”
>”W-what!?! That's not what I meant!” She sputters, turning red.
>’You should stop making her blush.’
“You sound like you're seeing things. Don't tell me you're going crazy? I'm not sure I could marry you then.”
>”MARRY ME!?!”
>You start the car.
“Now, how do I get you home?”
>She appears to be positively overwhelmed.
>”It's a right out of the parking lot. Just go straight for a while.
>You do that.
>As you drive, the markers on the pavement start growing legs and running around your car. You honk your horn at them, and they scatter.
>The loud noise also has an effect on your passenger.
>”Dude, what are you doing that for?”
“I felt like it” You retort, punctuating your sentence with an indignant press od the steering wheel.
>”Whatever,” She says, hmphing at you, “take another right here and just pull off to the side of the road.”
>You honk your horn affirmative.
>”Stop it!”
“HONK”
>A trail of ants crawls out of her eyelids and shs twitches uncomfortably, failing to notice them.
>She points out her house to you and you pull over.
>”Alright dude, I'll see you at sugarcube corner tonight. Thanks for the ride.” She says, smiling at you. “I had fun today, I think. I mean it was kinda weird. You're kinda weird.”
>She leaves a scrap of paper in your cup holder and climbs out of the car.
>You immediately run her over as she attempts to cross the road.
 
>You're awesome.
>Duh, you're Rainbow Dash.
>It's pouring rain, and Anon just dropped you off at your house.
>You run up to your doorstep and watch him speed away.
“Geez, he should be more careful.”
>You're not sure how to feel about Anon.
>Sunset really seemed to want to be friends with him.
>He's only been here at CHS for a week, so your interactions with him have been pretty limited.
>You've said it before, but he's really weird.
>You've seen him talking to himself or just awkwardly staring at nothing.
>Sometimes he's a stuttering mess, sometimes he acts like he doesn't have a care in the world.
>As you're getting closer to him, your opinion of him is improving.
>You walk into your house.
“I'm back!”
>No response.
>You suppose your parents are out right now.
>You spy a note on the kitchen counter which affirms your suspicions.
>”Gone for groceries! Bet you whooped butt in that soccer match! XOXO <3 Mom and Dad”
“Geez! So uncool!”
>You turn red faced and embarrassed just reading it.
>Good thing they didn't show up to cheer for this one.
>You're not sure how they would react to Anon.
>Or your strange injury.
>It seems to have gotten better already, but you're still moving with a slight limp.
>You go into the fridge and pull out some vegetables, then head up to your room.
“Oh Tank!”
>You approach the tank housing your pet.
“Who’s the most awesome amazing tortoise in the world?” You coo.
>You place the vegetables in there with him.
“You are!”
>Stepping away, you strip out of your damp, soggy clothes and collapse onto your bed.
>You run your hands along your amazing body for a second.
>With a long exhale, you roll yourself up in blankets.
>You're meeting the girls and Anon at Sugarcube Corner in a few hours.
>You shoot a text to Twilight about the strange things you experienced. You wonder if this could be some kind of magic. After all, Anon didn't seem to notice any of it.
>He does keep acting like you're gonna marry him though.
>You put your phone on your nightstand and close your eyes as you entertain that idea for a little while.
>You can worry about everything else later…
 
>You're undercover.
>Rather, you're Anonymous.
>After all, that is your name.
>You just arrived back at your home.
>You live there alone, so you aren't surprised to walk into an empty house.
>You turn on the light.
>Blood is smeared all over the floor, and your kitchen table is broken in two.
>You nod casually at the mess and walk towards the stairs.
>One of the table’s legs weakly prods at your feet, beckoning you to bring your ear close to it.
>”Fuck you…” It whispers.
>You grab it and throw it through your window.
>You head upstairs.
>Multiple doors are crossed off by red tape, so you go to the only open one.
>Retreating into your room, you open up your closet.
>All of your shirts and jackets have come off their hangers. They spin in circles and dance lightheartedly.
>You grab a lighter off the floor and set them all on fire.
>You stare at it for a few minutes and then piss all over it to put it out.
>Your shirts, recognizing the error of their ways, repair and clean themselves, filtering back into their designated locations.
>You nod.
>You trust-fall backwards into a pile of laundry and let each dirty piece of cloth caress you.
>Across the room, your bed cries jealous tears.
>You pull yourself out of your clothes and let them take your place in the pile.
>You head to your bathroom for a shower, taking a moment to stare at yourself in the mirror.
>All seven of your reflections stare back.
>You shoot them all a casual finger gun.
>You don't close the bathroom door or draw the shower curtain closed because you're an absolute savage and there's no one here to have a problem with it.
>You turn the handle and step under the water as it heats up.
>The person standing in the doorway is really starting to freak you out.
“Could you give me some p-privacy, please?”
>It walks up to the side of the tub and starts screaming in your ear.
>If there wasn't boiling water streaming down your face, it might be able to tell how easy it is to make you cry.
 
>You deem yourself suitably cleaned and turn off the water.
>The fiendish apparition vanishes immediately after.
>You step out of the shower and walk back to your room.
>’Towel drying is for faggots, you're so cool.’
>You nod to no one in affirmation.
>After spending a pointlessly long time allowing the water to roll off your body, you get on all fours and shake like a dog.
>You've eliminated many of dryness’ holdouts, but she still has some troops stationed in your hair.
>You hold back an urge to howl loudly as you begin lifting your head up.
“Alright, I'm dry now.”
>Your closet doors spring open and mayhem breaks out.
>Your clothes are fighting in a battle royale.
>The victors, of course, will be worn by you.
>You stand patiently as the fight rages on.
>You don't always like doing this, as your outfit often ends up a little mismatched.
>A white sock slides on to your right foot, and a black slides on to your left.
>Hopefully it won't get any worse than that.
>...
>At the end of it all, you're wearing dark blue jeans and a black button down under a light, tan jacket.
>’Hopefully this doesn’t offend anyone.’
>You check the clock.
>Carefully scrutinizing all seventeen of its hands, you determine the time is around 5pm.
>Which means you should probably get going. You're already going to be fashionably late. Taking any longer would just be rude.
>Slipping into a pair of boots, you lace up and trod down the stairs.
>You take a deep whiff of a delightful rotten stench and smile as you wave goodbye to the diseased corpses seated in the dining room.
“Sorry guys, I'm not having you for dinner tonight. Going out with some girls, you know how it is. Feel free to show yourselves out before I get back.”
>With that, you exit the house through the front window and beeline straight for your car.
 
>You're driving like a grandma.
>Because, obviously, you really care about road safety.
>People who drive dangerously should be rounded up and executed.
“I wholeheartedly believe this” You say, nodding your head towards your passenger seat.
>You don't take your eyes off the road, of course. Two hands on the wheel at all times.
“Like, driving the speed limit is pushing it. A leisurely five miles under is absolutely imperative for the wellbeing of literally everyone on this planet.”
>You're really talking the head off your passenger.
“Hey, I got a little passionate there. Sorry I haven't really given you a chance to talk.”
>Silence.
“No, I get it. Absolutely, yeah.”
>Silence.
“Wow, for real? Go fucking figure, damn.”
>Silence.
“Ha! No way! You're a riot, man!”
>You've arrived at Sugarcube Corner.
>You park the car, perfectly in the lines by the way, and turn off the engine.
>Ad you open the car door, you put one hand on your passenger’s shoulder.
“Alright, be careful man. See you later.”
>You drop your keys in his lap without turning your head.
>With that, you exit the vehicle and slam the door shut.
>You whistle a tune as you stroll up through the candy cane forest towards the main entrance of this veritable gingerbread house.
>You're a little late, but that's supposed to be cool or something, so you don't rush.
>Just as you reach the door, you bump into a familiar looking ivory-skinned beauty.
>The impact knocks her to the ground.
>”Oh, I am sooo sorry, Darling!”
>You offer her a hand.
>”Oh! It's you, Anonymous. I see we both arrived fashionably late.” She says, a look of surprise on her face.
“Yep, looks like it. Guess that means we're both seriously classy, huh?”
>She giggles. “Indeed.”
>Looking through the window, you can see the other girls inside. They haven't noticed you.
“Hey, I just came up with a fantastic idea.”
>”Oh my, what is it? Shall we go inside, first?”
“No, just trust me. This'll be funny.”
 
>You stoop down and put an arm under her legs.
>You pick her up.
>”Oh my goodness! What are you doing!?” She shouts, shocked.
“Play dead. Then, come back to life. Just go with it. Shh.”
>You muster up as much panic as possible and display it all on your face.
>Then, you burst through the door.
“I found her unconscious in the parking lot! Someone help!”
>All of her friends rush over to you.
>They let out collective whats and “oh my gosh”s.
>A purple girl you haven't met is freaking out doing all kinds of medical-looking things on her.
>Other patrons in the store have all stood up to look at you.
>You see someone reaching into their pocket, presumably for a phone.
>Thusly, you gently nudge fashion-girl’s leg.
>She suddenly sits up.
>Her face contorts into this dopey look.
>”B-brains… feed… me… brains… darling…” She groans, obviously stifling laughter.
“GOTCHA!” You shout.
>Fluttershy has already burst into tears.
>Purple girl looks like she's about to have a heart attack.
>Rainbow and Applejack both look confused, with the latter starting to seem angry.
>Sunset turns to you with a despondent loom.
>Pinkie puts her hand on your shoulder for balance as she holds her sides with the other, joining in on your raucous laughter.
“Oh come on, it was just a prank.” You say between gasps for air.
>Rarity starts trying to calm down Fluttershy.
>”I'm fine, see? Anon just wanted to engage in a little bout of troublemaking. I'm alive.”
>Rainbow lets out a few awkward giggles.
>”Anon, not cool.” Sunset says, standing up crossing her arms. “That really scared us!”
>Applejack takes a deep breath.
“Alright, alright, I get it. I'm sorry.”
>”Than-” Sunset begins, before you cut her off.
“But you have to admit, that was hilarious. You should have seen the looks on your faces!”
>She sighs, then grins slowly.
>”Yeah, I guess you're right.”
 
>”Haha! Yeah Sunset, you were terrified! Anom toootally got you!” Rainbow Dash says, bursting into laughter.
>”Pfft, ah betcha you wouldn't be laughun so hard if you'd seen yourself Rainbow” Applejack contributes.
>”Surely we shan't forget how all over me Twilight was!” Rarity exclaims with a smirk.
>Soon enough, everyone is happy again.
>You return with them to their table.
 
(It was brought to my attention that Anon never expressly let Rarity out of his arms. You can pretend he did, or you can imagine him carrying Rarity to the table in a knightly fashion and gently setting her down in a chair while she blushes profusely at him.)
 
 
>You're in Sugarcube Corner.
>Your identity is a mystery to those around you, of course.
>You ARE Anonymous, after all.
>This is your favorite joke.
>Moments ago, you made your grand entrance to the building.
>Along with Rarity, you managed to make Fluttershy cry, and terrify/piss off the rest of the girls.
>Pretty good first impression on purple girl.
>”W-well, that, um, er, that sure was a shocker!” She says, giving a sheepish grin as she sits down. “Hi! I'm Twilight. Justincase you didn't know.”
“No, you're purple girl.” You say, pointing a finger towards her.
>You, along with everyone else, have taken your seat.
>”Oh, um, what?” Twilight says, confused. She pushes up her glasses and glances back and forth from your face to the table.
“Listen, Twilight.” You pause. “Nevermind.”
>You sit back and push your chair up onto two two legs, teetering back and forth.
>You lock eyes with her.
>She raises an eyebrow quizzically.
>You open your mouth and stick out your tongue, shooting your eyebrows up.
>Sunset coughs.
>Pinkie giggles.
>”Anyway, what's your name? I mean, I know your name already, but I figured I should ask. Because that's how this works. Right?” She spews out. “Right?”
“I'm not an expert on social interactions, purple girl.”
>This is unnecessarily tense.
“I'm Anonymous, so I can't tell you my name. Oh, shit…”
>Everyone laughs at that.
>You smile, and all your teeth fall out.
>They spill onto the table.
>You start picking them all up and putting them back in. Pinkie hands you a few of them, earning your hearty thanks.
>”So, how has everyone been today?” Sunset says.
>You open your mouth to respond first but the teeth you've picked up so far fall back out again.
>”Ah’ been just fine. Got all mah chores finished right an’ early.” Applejack belts out in her thick farmgirl accent. She looks awfully proud.
>”That's great Applejack! Just taking it easy?” Sunset replies.
 
 
>”You betcha! Well, ah still had regular farmwork to do… and that paper due in Ms. Cheerilee's class.”
“Oof, so much for taking it easy, huh?”
>”Well, the farmwork ain't so bad. Ah’ guess I'm spending all tomorrow on that paper, though.” Applejack says, defeat in her tone.
>”Gosh! I feel ya Applejack. Writing papers is so hard! How am I expected to actually pay attention in Equestrian History class!?” Rainbow joins in.
>”It's really not that hard, Rainbow. I finished mine the day it was assigned.” Says Twilight.
>”Pssh, of course you’d say that, Twilight! You're an eggh-” Rainbow retorts, stuttering for a second at the sight of purple girl’s fierce look, “eggstra smart student! Haha.”
>Twilight harrumphs.
>”Um, I-I finished mine already, too.” Says Fluttershy.
>You resist the urge to tell her to speak up again. She's still recovering from earlier.
>While those three chit chat about the paper, Sunset and Rarity are having a side conversation.
>It's something you aren't particularly interested in.
>Apparently Rarity disapproves of Sunset’s jacket. It appears to be a recurring issue.
>You think she looks fine.
>Anyway, you turn towards Pinkie, who hands you the last of your missing teeth.
>You give her a big thumbs up and a wide smile, showing off your restored chompers.
>”Welllll, first I put it on the ground, then I step on it, silly!”
>Wha- oh.
>Oh my.
>That's hilarious.
>You burst out laughing.
Catching your breath, you begin, “T- ha, that’s not what I meant! Like, hahaha, how do you feel about it? Have you finished it?”
>She smiles.
>”Yeperoo! I wrote mine on the history of parties in Equestria! Do you know about the ancient tradition of aristocrats hundreds of years ago, the Grand Galloping Gala? It seemed like it would be super duper amazing at first, but after more research, it turned out to be pretty boring!” She says, practically exploding with excitement.
 
“Wow, I didn't. Sounds like your paper must be pretty good. I take it you really like parties?”
>”Yes! I'm the best party planner in the world!” She says, gasping, “OhmygoshItotallyforgot! We need to host a welcome to CHS party for you!”
>That would be a thing.
“Okie dokie, then. I'm down.”
>She looks at you for a second.
>”I feel like something's missing from that first sentence…”
>You shrug and turn your head towards Fluttershy, who seems to have captivated everyone else’s attention.
>”A-and so I asked the birdies for help, and ohh, it was so precious.” She gushes, “They picked up their little friend and carried him with me all the way back to the animal hospital!”
>Cue a collective “awwww”.
>’Fluttershy is talking to birds?’
>’Well, you do that sometimes too..
‘
>”It turned out he had a broken wing. We got it sorted out super quick, and everyone was so relieved! They brought me this as thanks.”
>She pulls out a necklace which appears to be made out of twigs, grass, and acorns.
>You see Rarity’s eyes light up. She dramatically puts a hand over her head and gasps excitedly.
>”Fluttershy, I implore you. I simply must borrow that necklace, I am...  inspired!”
>Fluttershy nods and hands it over to Rarity, who bubbles with glee while imagining the outfit she could design around it.
“So, I take it you really like animals, Fluttershy?”
>She turns and looks at you for a second.
>She opens her mouth to answer, but pauses. A look of confusion washes over her face.
>Quickly, her expression switches to one of shock.
>”Eep! A-anon, I forgot you were h-here…” She mutters, “Yes, I looove animals.”
>Explains why she had that rabbit that one time.
>Twilight throws a shifty glance at you.
>”How much of that did you hear, Anon?”
 
 
“Uhh… Fluttershy talks to animals,” You say, pausing for a second to take a big gulp of the milkshake which was just delivered.
>She gets all panicky and opens her mouth, reflexively raising a finger.
“Which, I mean, isn't THAT weird. It's not like they talk back or anything. Oh, and when she helped one of the birds who was injured, they brought her a necklace. Which is pretty cool.”
>She breathes out a sigh of relief.
>”Yeah! You know what's even cooler!?” Pinkie excitedly shouts, “Flutters here can ACTUALLY talk to animals. Like, uh, Doctor Dolittle!”
>She beams wildly.
>Twilight’s jaw drops.
>The rest of the girls look at you with a mixture of nonchalance and worry, varying from face to face.
>”P-p-p-pinkie Pie!?!” Twilight sputters, “We’re supposed to be keeping the fact that we have magic a secret!”
“Magic?”
>Twilight gasps and clasps her hand over her mouth.
>”Ah don’ think it's really such a big deal, sugarcube,” Applejack says slowly, “Afferall, he’s a student at CHS. He's bound ta find out eventually.”
>”I don't know...” Twilight whines, looking conflicted.
>Your milkshake turns into a large, elaborate, bright-green concoction. The glass doubles in size and takes on the shape of a mug. You stare at the girls, absorbed in what they’re all saying, as you sip the liquid down through a massive bendy straw.
>”Applejack is right, darling,” Rarity contributes, “Our school does tend to be a hotspot for magic. Being a new student surely doesn't exempt Anon here from being affected by that.”
>”Yeah, and this magic stuff is cool!” Rainbow shouts, joining in, “I was dying to show it off earlier today, but I didn't get the chance.”
>After she finishes her sentence, she appears to realize or remember something.
 
>”Twilight, I understand where you're coming from, but magic is a good thing!” Sunset chimes in, “I don't see any reason for Anon not to know about it. We do want to be friends, after all.”
>Magic, magic, blah blah blah
>Everyone goes back and forth on this for a few more minutes.
>You put your now-empty mug on your head.
>Yes, it is that big.
“Girls!” You shout. “What are you all talking about? What do you mean, magic?”
>The mug is back to its original size and form, and is resting on the table again.
>You twiddle the massive bendy straw in between your fingers as you wait for a reply.
>They all seem confused, looking for a place to start.
>”Okay, so, basically, we all have magic pony powers fueled by friendship.”
>Sunset gives you a cautious look as she awaits your reaction.
>You pretend to use an invisible lighter beneath the far end of your bendy straw, and then take a long drag from the front.
>Pulling it out of your mouth, you proceed to blow a succession of bubbles.
>Pinkie excitedly tracks them with her eyes.
>They don't seem to cause a reaction in any of the other girls, although Rarity does raise an eyebrow quizzically as one hovers in the air in front of her face.
“Alright, sounds cool.”
>”T-that’s it!?” Sunset and Twilight both say at once.
“Yep.”
>”You don't think we’re crazy? You aren't scared? You don't have any problems?” >They say in a back-and-forth.
“Well, I do have problems. Just not with this. Ha.”
>You do your best comedic grin.
>”Anon! We have MAGICAL POWERS.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
>Sunset puts her hand on your shoulder.
>She pulls back moments later with a confused look on her face.
“What was THAT about?”
>”Nothing happened…” She mutters under her breath.
 
>Your milkshake glass levitates into the air.
>You are completely unfazed by this.
>Twilight looks at you like you're crazy.
>After a few moments she sets it down and grabs her hair in frustration.
>”Fine! I guess this is all just perfectly normal!”
“So do you girls wanna give me a demonstration too, or…?” You muse, panning your head left and right.
>No one says anything.
>Suddenly Rainbow’s face lights up.
>”Oo! Twilight! I just remembered what I was going to say. Did you get my text earlier?”
>Twilight blinks.
>“Oh, yeah, uh-huh. Yes. What about it?” She replies, still shaken by your nonreaction.
>”Well, since we're talking about magic, I thought you could do your nerd thing and tell me your thoughts on it!”
>Twilight picks at her collar.
>”Oh! Well, um, just remind me what it is you said, again?
>”You didn't ignore my text, right?” Rainbow says accusingly.
>”Whaaat? No, I totally wasn't super caught up in researching something and neglected to check my phone.” Nervous Sparkle says.
>”Grr, well, since you FORGOT, I'll tell you again.” Says Rainbow, matter-of-factly. “When Anon and I were playing soccer earlier, I tried to kick the ball, and it bit my foot!”
>You chuckle at the memory. You thought for sure it would go for you instead.
>”And then, when I got in Anon’s car, blood oozed all over me out of the air vents!”
>Alright, this is cracking you up.
>”And then suddenly, it was like nothing happened! He just made fun of me!” Mentioning you, she glances in your direction, then stops. “What's so funny!?!”
 
>Suddenly, Rarity swats at the bubble that's been floating in her face whole time.
>It pops, exploding and covering her face in a film of bubblegum.
>At the sight of that, your sides are sent into oblivion.
>You double over laughing and fall backwards out of your chair.
>Rarity screams.
>Pinkie joins in on your laughter, but the rest of the girls are all very confused.
>”Where did that come from!?” Sunset exclaims.
>”What's all over her face?” Rainbow wonders, grossed out.
>”Anonymous!” Rarity exclaims, fuming, “Explain yourself, right this instant!”
“Rar- haa… ha, Rarity, I, oh boy,” You belt out, straining to catch your breath and regain your composure.After a moment,  you pick yourself up and sit down in your chair, back straight. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
>You feel yourself break out into a cold sweat.
>”Why would Anon know anything about this?” Rainbow asks.
>”Why, darling, he's the one who blew those bubbles!”
>You glance over at your milkshake glass.
>The straw is back to normal.
>”What bubbles?” Applejack says.
>”Anon, he, blew some bubbles! Out of that ridiculous bendy straw!”
>Noticing the absence of a bendy straw, she appears to start second-guessing herself.
>She looks over at you and you lock eyes.
>The screaming in your ears gets louder.
>You open your mouth and only a slight mumble and some drool escapes it.
>The girls, all confused, look at you worriedly.
“I uh, um, uh, I really have to go.”
>With that, you disappear.
 
>Well, you aren't Anonymous.
>In fact, the majority of people here know your name.
>Care to take a spin on the Wheel of Perspective?
>...
>Looks like you're Sunset Shimmer.
>You, like the rest of your friends, are freaking out.
>Anon just vanished out of thin air.
>Twilight has pulled her magic-ometer out of her backpack, and the thing is going crazy.
>Pinkie climbed into his seat and is frantically looking around for him.
>Fluttershy fainted again.
>Rarity, Rainbow, and Applejack are just as shocked as you are. Which is, very shocked.
“What just happened? Did he really just disappear?”
>”I don't know! It sure looks like it! The magic reading is off the charts!” Twilight exclaims.
>She moves her hand holding the device closer to his seat and it explodes.
>The table turns blue and all the empty milkshake glasses change shape and size.
>Yours is now a little glass pony.
>Heh, fitting.
>Also weird.
>”I knew it! I wasn't just seeing things earlier. There's something magical going on with Anon!” Rainbow says, smugly crossing her arms over her chest.  “Wow, I'm awesome.”
>”I must say, I am very inclined to agree! After that shenanigan with the bubbles, I would stake, erm, my entire wardrobe on it!” Rarity declares.
>”Uh-huh,” Applejack interjects, “Are you sure it ain’t the whole magically disappearing thing?”
>”Oh, well, that too, of course.”
>The seat Anon was sitting floats up into the air, as if suddenly unaffected by gravity.
>Pinkie is lifted up into the air along with it.
>”Weeeeeeeeee!” She shouts giddily.
>Of course, you've started to attract the attention of the store's other patrons.
“Hey, girls? I think we should leave. Maybe go look for Anon?”
>They all nod in agreement.
 
>You’re Anon again.
>No joking around this time, shit just hit the fan.
>Well, not litera-
>’Focus!’
>Right, okay.
>You were just at Sugarcube Corner with those girls, uh, Starbust Glitter, and her friends.
>Abbahack, Railway Slash, Nutinside, Stinky Sty, Purple Girl, and, um, Spareme?
>That doesn't sound right.
>’That isn't important’
“Yeah, I get it!”
>Your voice sounds muffled, like you're underwater, but it echoes back to you over and over again.
>You're floating in mid-air, in a sort of dark, purple-y, blue void.
>Bits of landscape and random objects float alongside you.
>The wacky assortment of colors and shapes really makes you uncomfortable.
>You sit indian style, crossing your arms, and put a foot on your chin.
“Hmm....”
>You're drifting at a steady pace in one direction, although you're not sure which direction that is.
>It's kind of hard to tell in this place.
>in the distance, there's a red house on a patch of grassy land.
“Looks like a pleasant place to live.” You muse aloud.
>How exactly did you get here?
>You were talking to the girls about something…
“I've got no clue!”
>”Magic! You were talking about magic!” Exclaims a very tense-sounding third party.
“Oh, thanks.”
>That's right, and then, they were all freaking out about something.
>Which made you really uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to announce your departure.
>Then you were here.
>Seems simple enough. All you have to do is really want to leave.
>You don't feel particularly worked up, though.
>You sit in eerie silence for another few minutes, or what feels like minutes at least. You're lost your grip on time.
“Well fuck, guess I'm stu- oh, shit! What the fuck are those!?”
>In the distance, a cete of winged animals is beelining towards you.
>They look pretty badass, they obviously don't give a single shit.
“Get me out of here, now!”
>You close your eyes and raise your hands defensively as the large, black and white animals close the gap between you and them.
>Everything goes white.
 
>”I-innominate! Is that you! Oh, Celestia! We’ve been so worried!” Shouts a purple horse? Pony? It's not really a horse, it seems more cute and cat-like. It isn't very large, either.
>Innonimate?
“Wha- no, that's not my name.”
>Your vision is kind’ve blurry. You rub your eyes.
>Pulling your hands away, you see the purple pony’s face actually change to show emotion.
>It seems disheartened.
>”Oh, really? Y-you look just like him. He vanished after a mishap with a spell I cast just a few days ago. I can't  help but think I'm never gonna see him again.” She says, starting to tear up. She sniffles and ruffles her wings.
>Wings? Sure, why not. Probably a princess, too.
>”A-and it's all my fault!” She cries, bawling.
>You look at the cheerful, bright colors all around you and take a deep breath.
>It feels like you're breathing in pure happiness.
“Oh goodness, I've gotta get out of here.”
>With another flash of white and an audible snapping sound, you're somewhere else.
>”Incognito, soldier! What the fuck are you doing? Get your ass back out there!” Shouts an old, grizzled looking ma-
>No, wait, that's an animal.
>Body of a lion, head of an eagle… wings…
>A gryphon?
>You're in some kind of poorly constructed bunker.
“That's not my na-”
>Suddenly, something slams into the side of the structure you're in and explodes into a purple fire.
>”Those damn unicorns are too much!” Hollers the gryphon, who promptly spits on the ground and charges out the entrance.
“Yeah, nope.”
>You blink away again.
 
>You're Starbust Glitter.
>I mean, you're Sunset Shimmer.
>You and your friends have been looking all over town for Anon.
>After having no luck in the general vicinity of Sugarcum Corner, you all decided to split up and cover more ground.
>Twilight and Rarity headed off together to the city.
>Applejack and Rainbow Dash are searching the rural and suburban areas, respectively.
>Together with Pinkie and Fluttershy, you're searching through the town and park areas.
>All the hullabaloo is predominantly because of the obvious equestrian magic involved in this.
>People don't just disappear out of thin air for no reason, after all.
>Especially people like Anon, who obviously have no prior connection to it.
>He's a weird guy, sure, but he didn't seem like the type to abuse magic geodes or seduce women with his voi-
>Okay, he'd probably seduce women with his voice, but not in a siren kind of way.
>Anyway, you're driving slowly down the street.
>Rather unsafely, considering your eyes are scanning the sidewalks rather than the road.
“You know, why haven't we just tried calling him?” You ponder aloud.
>Rainbow is the only one with his phone number…
>’Maybe I should send her a text?”
>You feel a strange pull, as if someone who is very concerned about safe driving would have a problem with you doing that.
>Suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts, your phone rings.
>It’s Pinkie. You answer.
>”I found him! Well, sort of. Meetmeatthepark!”
 
“Girls, I'm telling you, I've got a great feeling about this particular spot!”
>You sit down on the ground and cross your arms defiantly.
>The balloon trees and the confetti on the ground have tipped you off to Anon’s future whereabouts.
>He disappeared, and he'll re-appear here.
>You're so excited!
>You’re Pinkamena Diane Pie, by the way.
>You wish you had your party cannon.
>You start rummaging through your hair to see if you can find a spare.
>”Pinkie, what makes you so sure Anon’s gonna be here?” Asks your bestest friend Rainbow Dash. She's so silly!
>You leap to your feet and smile as you get up in her face.
“It's my PINKIE SENSE~!”
>The six other girls all make exhasperated noises.
>You straighten up with a jolt as your ears start twitching.
>The girls stare at you in confusion, but soon collectively gasp.
>”Okay, I'm back. I think. Am I back? Wow.” says a familiar-but-shaky voice.
>”Anon! What happened to you!” Twitwi exclains, rushing over to him.
>Sunset and Rainbow follow-suit. Looks like Fluttershy fainted again.
>Rarity holds herself back, retaining some of her anger from earlier.
>Applejack cautiously moves towards the cluster.
>You're so excited to see Anon back that you can't help but start bouncing up and down.
>Twilight has started interrogating Anon, running what appears to be a convenient spare magicometer over him. It's lighting up off the charts.
>Anon seems very conflicted in his responses.
>”Hey, girls, it sure is gettin’ late. Ah think ah’ll be headin’ home now.” Applejack says, warily.
“You're right Applejack! It's almost midnight!”
>Anon stands up.
>”Hey, yeah, I really do need to get going. Uh, actually, where are we?”
 
>Sunset tells him where you all are in relation to Sugarcube Corner.
>”Anonymous, here's my phone number. I'm going to need to run some tests on you in my lab.” Says Twilight, handing Anon a scrap of paper. She pauses for a moment. “And, Sunset, we need to talk about, er…” She glances at Anon. “Letting the princess know.”
>Everyone proceeds to say their goodbyes and head off towards their respective vehicles, leaving just you and Anon.
“I'm headed to Sugarcube Corner too! Let's walk together! Yay!”
 
>Much like legendary master-spy Double-Donut-Seven, you're in deep cover.
>Your identity is completely concealed.
>Not a soul knows your name.
>You are… Anonymous.
>You've had a pretty wild night.
>Upon your sudden return from wherever it was you ended up after suddenly teleporting out of Sugarcube Corner, you were assaulted by a barrage of questions.
>When your vision cleared up, you were greeted by some familiar faces.
>Twilight Sparkle, purple girl extraordinaire, had lots to say to you.
>Blah blah equestrian magic, blah blah Sunset and I need to investigate you, blah blah keep this a secret.
>You're not particularly concerned.
>However, Twilight did give you her phone number. Which of course means she's romantically interested in you.
>’”A-anon, would you mind coming over to my house some time?” She said, blushing. “Just for science! I don't like you or anything.” So obvious.’
>Sunset asked you if you were okay and the rest of the encounter was decently awkward.
>It didn't help that as soon as you got acclimated to your circumstances, everyone's faces turned upside down.
>That really bothered you, so when Applejack threw you a line, whether she did so on purpose or not, you grabbed it. Getting home sounds really good right about now.
>Just you, your menagerie of clothing, and the wake of vultures in your dining room. Peace and quiet.
>So now, you're walking back to Sugarcube Corner.
>Ideally, you'd not have anyone tagging along. However, it turns out Pinkie Pie has some reason to go back there too.
>So you're walking alongside her.
>With each step, she bounces happily.
>You'd try to be suave and say some cool stuff, but your mouth decided to run off somewhere while you were distracted by her MASSIVE TITS.
>They're bouncing just as much as she is.
>”So, Nonny, how was your trip?” She asks, suddenly.
>Nonny?
>You stop walking and look over at her.
>She smiles at you.
>You run a hand through your hair and try to hold back the panic you're feeling.
 
>You look around for a second and then point at the blank spot on your face your mouth left behind.
>She tilts her head in confusion for a second before making the transition to shock and then general happiness again.
>”Oh! Silly me, I didn't notice! Want me to help you look for hi- ah!” She’s cut off mid sentence by a sudden rustling in her cleavage.
>From between her breasts, out pops your missing mouth!
>You shoot your hand out to grab it, but it dodges.
>Unable to stop now, your end up with a big handful of boob.
>Your eyebrows raise in terror but you, of course, have no mouth to complete the expression.
>You lock eyes with her.
>”Wow Anon! I never expected you to be this forward.” She says, giggling.
>You raise one of your eyebrows skeptically and tilt your head towards her.
>”I know, I know. You didn't mean to.” She puts a finger on her chin, then grins. “That doesn't mean I don't get to enjoy it!”
>You let go and stumble backwards, startled.
>”Awww…” She lets out, feigning sadness for a second before bouncing back to a bubbly happy.
>You'd sigh in exasperation if you could.
>Not only do you not have a mouth, but Pinkie is messing with you AND you've made almost no progress towards Sugarcube Corner.
>You point at your face and furrow your brow angrily.
>Pinkie suddenly jumps in surprise, then shoves a hand into her pants.
>Your jaw drops but that looks really weird on your face.
>Moments later, Pinkie pulls her hand back out, holding your mouth.
>She blushes. “Found it!”
>She moves closer to you and giggles again.
>Then, she wipes it on your shirt a few times and smacks it back on your face.
>”There you go, silly!”
>You, of course, immediately lick your lips.
>She gasps.
“Thanks, Pinkie. You're a lifesaver. Lipsaver?”
>”Anytime, Nonny!”
“Yeah, what's with the nickname?”
>She pauses for a moment.
>”Hmm… It sounds good!”
>You shrug.
 
“Okie dokie.” You say. She leans in closer in anticipation, but snaps her fingers in frustration at your pause. “Let's get going.”
>”Nonono-nymous, you haven't answered my question yet!”
>You stop walking again and turn your head back towards her. She hasn't moved.
“It was fine.”
>You start walking again.
>She beams at you, seemingly satisfied, then skips towards you, eventually matching your pace and following alongside you
>When you finally get back to Sugarcube Corner, you say your goodbyes.
>Apparently she had left some things inside the building and needed to get them.
>You, being the ladykiller that you are, decide she just wanted an excuse to talk to you.
>With that, you head back to your car.
>Upon arrival at the driver's side door, you plunge your hands in your pockets to retrieve your keys.
>Only to realize, however, that they're missing!
>You put a hand on your forehead. It falls off and splats on the ground.
>The rotting flesh peels off a little bit on contact.
>Your lips curl in disgust and you wipe both your hands on your pants.
“Guess I should check inside?”
>You walk over and open the door to the cafe.
>’Wow, this place is a mess!’
>Tables and chairs have been upturned and drift through the air. Stray milkshakes and confections have taken new forms, some even seem to be alive.
>You do a quick scan around the general vicinity of where you were sitting.
>You don't see your keys. You must have dropped them in one of those… other places?
>After one more once-over, you close the doors.
“I'm sure Pinkie is fine in there.”
 
>You head back over to your car and consider your options.
>You could smash the car window to get inside, but you, surprisingly, don't conveniently know how hotwire a car.
>You could walk home, but it's cold and dark and a way longer walk than drive.
>’Hey, earlier you could teleport. Why not now?’
>There's no point in not giving that a shot, right?
>You take a moment to imagine the coolest possible teleportation method.
>Adopting a wide stance, you smirk.
>Imagining your driveway, you snap your fingers.
>Suddenly, a large chunk of concrete appears in the air in front of you, then drops onto your car, crushing it.
>”Wow, you're stupid.” Groans a bemused third-party. “I'll help you out, but just this once.”
>You close your eyes and sink to the ground.
>Putting both your hands on your head, you start rocking back and forth.
“That didn't just happen, that didn't just happen, that didn't just happen…”
>You hear a faint noise, and open one eye.
>Your car is back to normal, your driveway is nowhere in sight.
>On the ground in front of you, your keys.
>You snatch them up and get in your car, immediately starting it up and speeding back home as fast as possible within the law of the road.
>You're happy to see that your driveway is still there when you pull into it and park your vehicle.
>You yawn and head towards your front door.
>To your surprise, it’s already open.
>You walk right in anyway.
>Sitting on your couch, with a vulture in his lap, is none other than Anonymous Sr.!
>He glances over at you and then looks back to his gloved hand as though he is inspecting his fingernails.
>He's obviously trying to put on a sinister act.
>He turns towards you, stifling a laugh. “I, the Master of Chaos, am here! To destroy you!” He closes his eyes and throws his head back, bursting out into evil laughter.
>He opens one of his eyes and looks over at you, pausing when he sees you're completely unfazed.
 
>You give him a big smile.
“Master of Chaos? Really? That's the best you could come up with?”
>”Haha, I'm just messing around. Guess this is what I get for trying to scare you. How about you come give your old man a hug?”
>He shoos the bird off his lap and stands up, spreading his arms out.
>You rush over and embrace him.
>”I can't stay for long, but don't think I don't keep tabs on you! I'm proud of you.” He says, pensively.
>You nod, letting go of him.
>”I hope you don't mind, but I tidied things up in here.”
>You still haven't turned on any lights.
>”I let the vultures stay. I must say, though, they're an interesting choice. I doubt most people would think to have them as pets.” He glances down as a few of the birds shuffle anxiously away. “How do you feed them…?” He ponders.
“They're temporary guests, mainly. I'm sure next time I come home they'll be gone.”
>He shrugs.
>”Well, this is about all the time I have here. I had some prior business to attend to before I dropped by, and it used up most of my stay in this wo- city.” He scans your face.
“I get it, you have things to do. I'm fine on my own. Have been most of my life, at least.”
>He sighs in relief, and gives you a knowing look.
>”Well, goodbye.”
>You don't say anything as he walks out the still-open front door.
>You move to watch him leave, only to find that he's already vanished.
>You close the door and turn around, deciding to head to bed.
>Without turning any lights on, you walk up the stairs.
>Near the top of the staircase, you bump your head into the ceiling.
“Wha-? Has this staircase always lead to nowhere?”
>You rub your temple as you trudge down to the first floor and walk around the base of this staircase to the foot of the one behind it.
>Climbing up that one, you've finally made it to the second floor.
>You plod into your room, take off your clothes, and fall right on your face.
>Like that, you drift to sleep.
 
>You wake up to the sound of your phone’s ringtone.
>You have a near-crippling headache.
>You also seem to have fallen asleep last night on the floor.
>To top it all off, you barely remember anything from yesterday.
“Uuughhhhhh…”
>You peel your face off the ground and rub your eyes with your hand.
>Your phone starts ringing again.
>You roll over onto your back and shove your hand into your pocket.
>Slowly, you pull your phone up to your face.
>Without looking at the number, you ignore the call. This brings you to your notifications menu.
>You painfully open your eyes to the blinding blue light.
“51 missed calls!?!?”
>Thirty from Rainbow Dash, and twenty-one from some random number.
>Guess you should ask her what’s up.
>You tap the banner and press dial.
>Ring… connection.
>Immediately, Rainbow’s voice belts out of the phone's speaker. “Dude!? What the heck! I called you, like, a million times!”
>Bitch.
“Some people like sleeping, Rainbow. If you're going t-” You yawn. “to be my wife, you'll have to get used to that.”
>She laughs nervously for a second.
>”As if! Besides, that's not the issue here. You haven't been to school in three frickin’ days!”
>What?
“What do you mean? Yesterday was Saturday.”
>”No, yesterday was WEDNESDAY. After all that magic stuff this weekend I wa- we were all really worried! Where have you been!?” She says, breathlessly and kind of embarrassed.
“I've… just been sleeping.”
>’Yeah, sleeping for four days straight. That's healthy.’
>You pry yourself away from the carpet.
>It's tendrils try as hard as they can to keep you strapped down, but ultimately fail to hold you in place.
>An eye ripples along its surface, pausing to stare at you, before it rolls and darts away.
>You scratch your head and look around.
 
>No clothes in sight.
>”Hello? You still there? Anon?” Says Rainbow Dash’s shrill phone voice.
“Yeah, yeah. Why didn't any of you bother to come on me or something?”
>You walk up to and open your closet doors.
>No clothes in here, either.
>”Um, dude, we wanted to, but none of us know where you live.”
>Oh, right.
“Well, if you're still worried, I'll text you my address. That way you know I'm not being held at gunpoint by the Diamond Dogs gang and lying.”
>She snorts.
>”That's totally what Rarity thought happened to you!”
>Wow, what a coincidence.
>You walk out of your room, still naked.
>Looking down the hall at all the closed rooms, you figure it would be best to avoid looking anywhere else upstairs for your clothes.
>Trotting down the staircase, you arrive in your kitchen.
>Oh, Rainbow’s still on the line.
>You put your phone up to your ear and listen to her prattling on about some soccer game.
>End call.
>’How devilish.’
>Walking over to your oven, you wrench open the door.
>Bird carcass, bird carcass, bones.
>No clothes.
“Man, what the fuck.”
>You let out an exasperated sigh and quickly shoot Rainbow a text with your address in it.
>You look at the other missed caller.
>’Might as well find out who they are.’
>Dial.
>Ring… ring… connection.
>”Is this Anon?”
>She sounds familiar.
“Uh, yeah, who's this?”
>”I'm so glad you're okay! It's me, Sunset. I got your number from Rainbow.”
“Oh, yeah, I heard you were all freaking out because I wasn't at school.”
>”Mhm, after that incident on Saturday we can't take any chances. What happened to you?”
>Like, over the last four days, or during “the incident”?
>Whatever.
“Okay, theyre I gone! I got kidnapped by the Diamond Dogs. Sunset, please, I need help.”
>”What!?! Where are you!”
>You lower your voice.
“M-my house. I think Rainbow has my address. You need to get here quick. Oh shit, I hear them coming back. B-” You cut off your farewell and end the call.
 
>You're Sunset Shimmer.
>Rarity was right!
>You had thought Anon was caught up in some magical equestrian shenanigans.
>You even told Princess Twilight you might need her help.
>But Anon just told you the Diamond Dogs gang had him hostage in his own house!
>You call Rainbow.
>Ring… ring… ring…
“Come on, pick up!”
>Connection.
>”What’s up Sunse-”
“Rainbow, quick, I need Anon’s address!”
>”Wha? Why?”
“He just told me the Diamond Dogs are in his house!”
>She makes an incredulous noise.
>”I just talked to him. He sounded fine.”
>She pauses for a second.
>”Actually, he did make a joke about the Diamond Dogs holding him at gunpoint…”
>You start to freak out.
>”Oh my gosh! It must have been a hint!” She screams.
“What are we gonna do!?”
>You start taking deep breaths.
>You aren't equipped to handle this kind of crisis. You're a pony!
>”We need to hurry! I'm coming over.”
>She hangs up.
>Oh Celestia. Should you call the police?
>No, this might be a misunderstanding.
>Besides, you have magic.
>What's important right now is making sure Anon is safe! After all, you want to be his friend.
>Anyway, it seems like Rainbow Dash is gonna come pick you up.
>She does know where Anon’s house is.
>Your doorbell rings.
“Wow, that was fast.”
>’Well, this is Rainbow Dash.’
>You walk to your door and it open it up.
>”No time to waste, Sunset! I can get us to Anon’s house in a flash! I'm the fastest person in the world!” She boasts, puffing her chest out heroically.
“Alright, we should think of plan.”
>You start turning to go back inside as she groans.
>Suddenly, she grabs you and picks you up.
>All you see is blurry rainbow light as she zips off down the street with you in her arms.
 
>You've been searching years for this mysterious artifact.
>It's power calls to you.
>Well, that's what you might say if you were some kind of occultist.
>You want it for the money!
>And you've infiltrated this shady group of people to get to it.
>Your true identity is concealed.
>You're Anonymous.
>You pace back and forth around your living room.
>For some reason, you just can't find your clothes anywhere.
>You let out a frustrated sigh and sit down on your couch.
>’Whatever. I'm sure they'll turn up eventually.’
>You gaze around the room. It's pretty bland.
>Table, couch, kitchen, staircase.
>Unusually clean, too.
>’You should get some decorations.’
>All of a sudden you start hearing girlish whispering outside your front door.
“That's weird…”
>You stand up and take a step towards it.
>Bam! Your door is slams open.
>Rainbow Dash powers in after it, tripping and sliding towards you face-first.
“What the fuck!?”
>You are very surprised. That isn't surprising.
>”Anon! You're oka-” Rainbow says excitedly, stopping mid-sentence as she pans her gaze up on to you from the floor.
>Her jaw drops.
>”Uh, um, I, helllooo, er, wow, ok.” She mumbles, eyes transfixed on your midsection.
>You take a few seconds to notice Sunset peering in through the doorway with a similar expression.
>A few more seconds and you register what has those two so shocked.
“Oh.”
>You glance down at your penis.
 
“Yeah, I've been looking for my clothes all morning.”
>”A-anon, your clothes are all out here.” Chimes in Sunset. “They're all in a big ball hanging from the roof.”
>You beam at her. You feel so naked without them.
>Because you are.
>Meanwhile, Rainbow has buried her face in her hands and is blushing profusely.
>You adopt a classy power stance.
“Care to tell me why you kicked my door down?”
>Rainbow stands up and turns away from you.
>”We thought the Diamond Dogs had you held hostage!”
>You facepalm.
“What? Rainbow, you just talked to me on the phone like twenty minutes ago.”
>”But, Sunset tol-”
“You were supposed to tell her I was okay!”
>You sigh.
>’It's fine.’
>You walk past Rainbow, who jumps when you enter her field of vision again, and examine your door.
>Sunset’s eyes dart up and down your body.
“Well, the door looks fine, surprisingly.”
>You turn your head towards Sunset.
“How about you grab that ball of clothes and bring it in here.”
>”Oh, s-sure, Anon.” She says, looking past you into your house and grimacing.
>You're making her grab the clothes for you because you don't want to walk outside naked.
>’You realize that both of them are seeing you naked, right?’
“Yeah, but that doesn't matter.”
>You tap your foot impatiently.
>You look behind you at Rainbow again, who has turned her head away and is holding an open hand towards you.
>”Alright, here you go.” Sunset says, dropping a large ball of clothes on the floor. She wipes her forehead and labors to catch her breath.
>You thank her, and casually pick out the first articles of clothing for each part of your body that you can see.
>Two mismatched socks, teddy bear underwear, a beat up pair of jeans, and a shirt two sizes too big for you.
>Rarity would have a heart attack.
>’Maybe you should invite her over…’
>You push the rest of the clothes into a corner with your foot.
“So, since you two are here, do you want anything? Food, water? We can, like, hangout.”