>"You are such a good FRIEND. It sure is nice to have a FRIEND like you. Do you want to be knighted in my court of FRIENDship?"
>It seemed like a good idea at the time.
>You had a cool name for yourself.
>Sir Anonymous.
>Rolls off the tongue quite well, doesn't it? Quite nice.
>You got a cool patch with a crest of Purple Smart to go on your suit.
>However, you do remember something that Twilight did say.
>"Beware though, once you are knighted, you will have bad luck with relationships."
>Something along the lines of that.
>Anyways! First thing on your list is to get some pony ass with your cool title.
>Marshmallow pone?
>Fuck it, we're doing it unprepared.
 
>You open the door to Rara's boutique.
>It's prissy. So goddamn prissy, but you're doing this for that sweet marshmallow ass.
>"Anonymous! I, er, mean, Sir Anonymous!"
"You know you can still call me Anon."
>"Anonymous! What are you doing here? I don't think you ordered any new suits."
>She's as cute as her marshmallow ass.
>You straighten yourself up and start speaking.
"My dear Rarity, I am here to invite you to a dinner at my place tonight."
>You bring out a rose and give it to her.
>It's a standard rose; nothing too special about it.
>"I would absolutely love to go have dinner at your place, Anonymous!"
>She's happy. We did it team.
>You walk out the door and promptly cheered yourself for not sperging yourself out yet.
 
>You are ecstatic.
>No, you are in hysterics over finally getting someone--er, somepony invited to your place.
>You are quite bounding around in your special house up in Canterlot.
>It's fully furnished and has a stocked pantry full of ingredients.
>Celestia gave it to you when you went 2 weeks without a job and home.
>She's such a nice Princess.
>What you would do to get to mooch off of her and Luna.
>Anyways, you lost track of time.
>You must prepare the dinner for Rarity in about an hour.
>It's spaghetti. You love spaghetti.
>You enter the kitchen and think of what to do.
>Spaghetti sauce, Anonymous, the spaghetti sauce!
>First step: Tomato Sauce.
>You brought out a pan and turned up the flame.
>The pan starts to heat up, and the warmth of the flame reaches you.
>You bring out a pack of tomato sauce and dump the fucker's contents right on the pan.
>The sweet sound of the tomato sauce making contact with the pan fills your ears with their delight.
>while the tomato sauce is heating up, you figure out the next step to making some delicious spaghetti.
>Second step: Meatballs.
>You open the chiller containing various vegetables and soy products.
>You can't make meatballs with vegetables, silly.
>You close the chiller and open up the freezer hiding different meat products.
>They were imported from the Griffons, of course.
>There were steaks, sirloins, and other tasty meats.
>But you were looking for the ground beef.
 
>You search the cold depths of your freezer and spot the ground beef in a plastic container.
>Man, Equestria has really progressed fast with your advice.
>You bring out the container of frozen ground beef and leave it out to thaw.
>The sauce is getting quite warm.
>You fire up another flame and bring out a pot.
>Third step: Spaghetti Noodles.
>You're gonna need some water if you're gonna make some spaghetti, Anon.
>You fill up the pot with some water and gently place it on the flame.
>It bubbles.
>Taking the pack of spaghetti noodles, you place the noodles into the pot, making sure they all submerge under the water.
>The ground beef is quickly thawing. Very good.
>The spices needs to be brought out. They are whispering to your subconscious.
>You bring out a bowl and wash your hands.
>You take various spices you probably don't know the name to and gently put a pinch of them into the ground beef.
>It looks delicious to eat already.
>You knead the ground beef to let the spices mix with the meat.
>Goddamn does it look delicious.
>You take a wad of ground beef probably as big as half of your hand and roll it up into a ball.
>You make about 6 of the gooey meatballs, place them on a tray and store the remaining ground beef in the freezer.
>It's time to cook the meatballs.
>You take the soft spaghetti noodles in a strainer and put half of it on your plate, and the other half on Rarity's plate.
>You take the pan of tomato sauce and pour the tomato sauce on the noodles evenly.
>It's looking quite fabulous already.
>You wipe the pan with some paper towels and begin oiling it up for the meatballs.
>You salivate at the thought of meatballs.
>Delicious.
>You put the meatballs on the pan, awaiting the smell of the spices.
>The meatballs let out a savory aroma, filling the entire kitchen.
>It's so good you almost want to take it and eat it right where it is.
>No, you gotta hold it off until Rarity arrives.
>Fourth step: Cheese
>But what kind of cheese?
>This kind of question is not needed. Parmigiano. Always Parmigiano.
>You snoop in the pantry for the Parmigiano.
>It's somewhere there. You know it.
>You pluck it out from its hiding spot from the pantry and get your grater.
>The Princesses have everything. They know you need meat.
>The meatballs are done and ready for eating.
>You nestle them in the noodles, making sure they look presentable.
>It's perfect. One last touch is needed, that's all.
>The cheese, Anon. The cheese.
>You take the Parmigiano and the grater and hold them ceremoniously over the spaghetti.
>It's time for the sacred cheese ritual.
>You begin sliding the cheese across the grater, leaving small pieces of cheese on the spaghetti prepared.
>You slide it over and over again, covering the top of each plate with ample amounts of cheese.
>Everything is finished.
>You just gotta look fancy.
>You clean the pan and pot, put away the various excess, and clean yourself.
>Looking sharp, Mr. Ymous.
>You are ready for the dinner with Rarity.
 
>"Sweetie Belle, don't I simply look ravishing?"
>Rarity did a twirl and landed stopped in front of a mirror
>She stared at the mirror and stared at her dress.
>It was a simple red dress, nothing very special.
>However, she did wear a ton of make up and mascara.
>She was more than ready for the simple dinner that Anon made.
>"You're very pretty, Rarity, but what's the occasion?"
>She stared at Rarity with inquisitive eyes.
>"Sir Anonymous invited me over to his house at Canterlot for dinner! Isn't it great, Sweetie?"
>Rarity smiled at the mirror and switched over to Sweetie Belle.
>"Oh, oh! Can I come? Rarity please? I want to go to Anon's place!"
>Sweetie Belle was jumping in place with eyes bigger than the moon.
>She loved seeing and playing with Anon.
>Anon, however, didn't so much.
>He hated being an object in the Cutie Mark Crusader experiments.
>He hated being dressed up by Sweetie Belle,
>Then tied to Scootaloo's scooter,
>Then being launched from a catapult somehow built by Applebloom.
>For the seventh time this month.
>"Of course not, dear. You know how Anonymous hates being the object of your experiments."
>Rarity deadpanned at Sweetie.
>"But it was only the third time that we broke his rib cage and femur! Oh please, Rarity, I want to go!"
>Sweetie Belle pouted and put up a cute face, enough to melt the hearts of the most wicked.
>"No."
>But not enough to melt the heart of Rarity.
>"B-but Rarity! Why not? Why can't I go?"
>Sweetie was frowning and pouting harder.
>"You'll ruin the dinner, Sweetie. I'll bring home left-over spaghetti when we're done."
>Sweetie Belle's face was a puddle of frowns.
>Rarity turned to the door and left, leaving Sweetie Belle alone.
>Sweetie was speechless and scowling at the door.
>"Oh, and Sweetie, one thing."
>Rarity opened the door.
>"Don't bother plotting to follow me. I already know you will. Here's enough bits for the train."
>She levitated a bag of bits over to Sweetie and left.
 
>"It's a very nice meal you prepared, Anonymous!"
>She takes a whiff of the pasta on the table.
>You look at it and remember how much you love your spaghetti.
"Thank you, Rarity. It's spaghetti, something that was my favorite back home on Earth."
>You stare at it for a while.
>"Speaking of meals, I highly suggest you prepare one for Sweetie Belle. Darling is following me."
>She looks at you with exasperated eyes.
>You think for a bit.
>You probably have enough for making one for Sweetie.
"I think I still have enough noodles and ingredients for a plate for Sweetie Belle."
>Speaking of Sweetie, the CMC still hasn't paid for your rib cage surgery.
>The doctors were not experienced with your anatomy, and billed you costlier than normal.
>Celestia couldn't pay for it because she can't tae care of you all the time.
>You agreed with Sweetie Belle that you pay the entire thing and the CMC gives you Sweetie Belle's allowance for the month.
>It took quite a while.
>Back to the real world, you take the ingredients from the fridge and get another pack of spaghetti noodles.
>You cook the spaghetti again, this time with more efficiency.
"Done. Levitate it over to Sweetie."
>You hand it over to Rarity, and she brigns it over to the roof of your house.
>"Oh sweet! Anon cooking!"
>You hear Sweetie Belle shout from the top of the roof, followed by an "Oops!"
>This date's going to go bad, you can tell.
>"Now, let's get this date going, shall we?"
>Rarity turns to you.
"Alright."
>You pull a chair for Rarity and another one for you.
 
>"So, Anonymous! Has there anything that Princess Twilight done to you so far that you'd like to tell?"
>She adds a friendly wink and laughs.
>You think for a while and shake your head.
"Nothing, really. She just works on random spells and stays in court. You should know, seeing as you're part of the court."
>You bring out and pour some wine for you and Rarity.
>"Touche, Anonymous. But since I have this tailoring work, and ponies are flocking to my boutique more and more because of my affiliation, to Twilight, it's hard to stay in the court."
>She takes a small gulp of wine.
>You take one too.
>"Anything very interesting about your knighting?"
>She counters.
"Nothing really. It's very easy, but Twi said something about side-effects of being a knight in the court of Friendship. Something about terrible relationships."
>You wave it off with your hand and chuckle.
"I haven't witnessed it yet. Could happen anytime though."
>You take a sip of the wine.
>It's sweeter the second time.
>You hear something on your roof.
>"Hi Sweetie Belle!"
>Wait. The voice sounds familiar.
>That was Scootaloo.
>"And I brought the rope!"
>That was Applebloom.
>"Shush! I told you guys to be quiet!"
>Rarity rolls her eyes.
>She takes a swig of the wine and gestures you to take one as well.
"We'll need it, I assume."
>She nods.
>You take one and wipe your mouth with your sleeve.
>"Now!"
>Sweetie Belle runs down the stairs to your bedroom, followed by Scootaloo with rope.
>"We found things in your bedroom, Anon!"
>"Yeah! Cool things! Like whips and chains and handcuffs!"
>Rarity glances at you sideways and raises an eyebrow.
>"There are some other things there, but we don't know what they were. They were pink and had weird shapes!"
>Fuck.
>They found your dragon dildo collection.
>This isn't good.
>Rarity is disgusted.
>She knows you collect dragon dildos.
>"We found these hats too!"
>Scootaloo throws down a bunch of fedoras and various trilbies.
>"Anonymous,"
>Rarity cringes.
>"Maybe dinner at your place wasn't the brightest idea, dear."
>Rarity tries to hold down a face of embarassment.
>"I found your subscription of Playcolt, Anon!"
>Applebloom runs down the stairs with your subscription of Playcolt.
>Rarity sighs and mutters to herself something you can't hear.
>"I... I'll take my leave now, Anonymous."
>Rarity walks out of the door and leaves you to the three fillies.
"You three, take those back up. Now."
>You pinch the bridge of your nose and sit down.
"Fucking CMC."