Title:           Roasting Hops Makes Out
Author:          fluffymalamute
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/ggmSn3Am
First Edit:      Thursday 1st of September 2016 01:07:16 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Friday 2nd of September 2016 04:31:37 PM CDT

>  Roasting Hops tightened the table saddle's girth
> a platter of drinks, balanced across the saddle's beams.
> "Watch your step out there, Hops" came her boss' words.
> Hops had been distracted all day; stumbling into customers.
> spilling precious drops of their drink.
> She just nodded, then waded back into the thick press of equines.
 
>  It wasn't just equines tonight.
> a mated couple, griffons, sat with a kirin.
> A sort of dragon/lion/unicorn cloven hooved thing.
> Their magic was not compatible with pony magics.
 
>  But their coin was. "Hey welcome to the Salted Cider have a seat I'll be right back"
> She'd take their order after the platter was empty again.
> Every drink put down shifted the platter's weight.
> it wanted to fall off; Roasting Hops had to keep shifting the platter on the saddle.
 
>  "Order up." Hops went to swap empty platter for full.
> The boss wanted gossip. "Tell me, girl, this concoction ordered by a griffon?"
> She looked at the cloudy mess. "Kirin."
> Her boss laughed at that. "Does she speak Pony, then?"
> Roasting shook her head, no. "Not so's I can tell. Griffin pair traveling with him have to repeat everything."
> Hops left her boss' chin scratching before she could ask Hops to introduce her.
 
>  The letter's words still clouded her mind.
> In her despair, Roasting Hops almost ran over the new customer.
> It seemed to be a pair of filthy denim pants.
 
      "Excuse me."
> The voice came from three quarters of the way to the ceiling.
> Deeper, more rumbling than even a stallion's voice.
> Hops looked up.
> Normal mane, though she wasn't sure whether to call it dingy red or bright brown.
> No hair coat. Bared arms showed a snake coiling up and down the insides of both.
> Is this where they kept their cutie mark, then?
> The thing's flanks were completely covered by pants, so Hops assumed it was so.
> "You're a human." Her neck hurt looking that high.
 
>  A broad smile revealed teeth of myriad shapes as it spoke again.
   "No, no. I'm just walking bipedally today. See how it works out."
> The human spreads his hooves in a shrug.
> Cloven? No. Roasting had never even seen a drawing, let alone a live one.
>They must not walk on those skinny forehooves, much.
     
    |||
     
>  Be me. Anonymous. Or just Anon.
> It's not what you're called. Not really.
> If your mom knew you were here … she'd have probably written a letter.
> You hope that's why you haven't seen her since you were four.
> If your dad knew you'd left, you'd know for sure you had no home to go back to.
> Instead of guessing it was like that.
> If your sifu knew you'd left…
> The other students would be tasked with giving you a snake-style beat down
> it would be painted (''in your blood''), framed, and mounted in the dojo.
 
>  Hopefully what you'd heard was right.
> Pony lands didn't have a "minimum drinking age"
> This bar was crowded. Was it their Friday?
> The serving girl, an earth pony, nearly bowls you over.
> She'd clearly never seen a human.
> To be fair, until three weeks ago you'd never met a pony.
 
>  Order a beer and some food.
> Tell the server you can't digest hay.
   "But I can eat some of your food."
> Point to the kirin.
   "I've eaten with one of those things, and everything on the table was okay"
> Serving girl squints at the trio of non-ponies, and shouts up to you.
> "I can get you the seafood plate. Are you paying in Pony bits, or Human gold?"
 
>  You'd stolen seven gems when you left Humanity.
> Three from your sifu, but those were probably stolen already.
> One from Johnny, because no one had ever stood up to him before.
> And three from the traveling merchant, because he charged you 100g for a ratty bedroll.
   "Human gold."
> You still had enough for a couple days in this pioneer town.
 
>  Ponyville, as if the ponies had never though to have a villa of their kind, before.
> Your appearance draws stares, but none are offended.
> The cider is … bitter.
> The fish is well seasoned, and their use of vegetables unfamiliar, but good.
> The green server, young, no horn, short. She has to work twice as hard.
> It's showing. She's tired.
> There she is, bringing two more ciders to … you?
 
>  "Hey. I'm off shift; I don't suppose you'd want some company?"
> She sets the two ciders on the table
> Now she's tonguing something between her front legs.
> Straps fall away, and she lifts the tray off her back.
> Through clenched teeth, she calls "Barley!"
> The tray, along with the emtpy serving plate, all the straps begin to glow.
> In a pale blue aura they silently float away, floating after a unicorn server.
>''That's not how kirin magic works''
 
|||
 
>  Roasting thinks about her beer & whiskey equipment.
> Her dad dumped out the mash in a fit of rage.
> How was it her fault wine tasted like vomitus, bottled?
 
>  The human was about done with its food, and she didn't want to go home, yet.
> "Where you staying, then?"
> The human shrugged, mumbled something about sleeping in the woods.
> Friends of the whitetail? Surely even this creature doesn't sleep in the Everfree.
 
    "I'm actually looking for work. I want to move out here. Somewhere among ponies."
> After that, the hulking giant reaches into a vest pocket and brings out an emerald.
   "I'm also looking for the right place to sell these."
> Hops catches the sadness in its face as the human adds,
   "They're my inheritance from my mother."
 
>  A pony can't just sell something for 150b out here. Nopony has that much.
> "I know some rich people in Canterlot. But out here?"
> She explains that there's no apple orchard
> the 3rd harvest of carrots is weeks away.
 
>  Maybe a new life in Canterlot is what's needed.
> She doesn't really want to go home anyway.
> "There's a barn being retrofitted into an inn."
> Roasting Hops notices this human's economy of motion.
> Every movement is easy, like he's a pegasus.
> But those arms bristle with an earth pony's muscles.
> Hops watches as the human freezes, eyes carefully following the kirin as walks past.
> But when the kirin has left, the human sighs, and finishes the scraps on the plate.
 
   "Sure. Hopefully quieter than your nearby forest."
> The human really '''did''' mean the Everfree.
> Roasting Hops tells the human to wait, then grabs some of the booze.
> No way she's taking a cold blooded killer out on a date without slowing him down.
> Hopefully alcohol slows humans down.
 
>  The human is leaning against a lamp post, on the other side of the street.
> Watching every pony walk past, the binocular vision of a hunter.
> Roasting gulps, and hopes this all works out.
 
> ''Get the mook to a fence, or a real gem buyer. Take a cut.''
> ''Buy a home far away.''
> ''Trottingham. Absolutely none of her family wares make it there.''
 
>  "Hello! And, what should I call you?"
    "Anon. And you?"
> "Roasting Hops. Can I ask about your cutie mark?"
     
    |||
     
>  Be me. But with more hangover.
> Seriously, at 17 you've never touched alcohol.
> Sifu would beat you for being slowed.
> He beats you enough just because he can.
> You've known the pleasures of women, before however.
> It was … different, with a filly.
 
> Roastie was hardly any older than you, and you think this was her first time.
> She groans now, sounding as pained as you feel.
> It took some creativity to make the parts reach in a pleasurable way.
> Roastie's eyes, the beautiful color of afternoon sunshine open
> She inhales, as if to scream.
> You lay a hand on her shoulder, hoping to hold off her alarm.
> You may have to talk to a disgruntled father about where she was last night.
> Obviously, you can never have enough dads furious at your very existance.
 
    "Roastie, good morning. I guess that stuff you brought was pretty potent."
> You can't remember when you started calling her a pet name.
> But she laughed, when you said it.
> You wanted her to be free to laugh more. She needed it.
> She didn't scream, but was almost hyperventilating.
 
>   "Anon, they ''execute'' ponies for bestiality."
> The bedroom, literally a floor covered with three inches of straw, has no amenities.
> You look for something towel-like so she can at least wipe her privates.
    "Are you sure they consider human on pony by that term?"
> She nods, as she tries to get up.
 
>  Getting dressed quickly, you begin to rethink your life's plans.
  "Did you tell anyone you were going to get drunk & laid last night?"
> She stumbles toward a nearby wall, not lifting her head all the way.
> Shaking her head carefully she turns and plants her tail end against the wall.
> "No but the booze I stole will paint a picture."
  "We just need to leave at separate times and not hold hands. Hooves, whatever."
 
>  If it squicks the natives that much, they'll assume nothing is actually happening.
> So long as the pair don't give the impression anything more '''is''' happening.
> The door bursts open. Intruding on the private room are two white pegasi
> Wearing metal uniforms.
> "We're her about some noise complaints." The one on the left all but demands.
> "Come outside right now." the one to your right adds.
> "We need to talk to you about what happened last night."
     
    |||
     
>  Instinct kicks in. The titanium blades you'd bought for your 14th birthday.
> But the handles and bindings were stolen, yes.
 
>  One blade, now buried under the collarbone of the pegasus on the right.
> The left was just slashed. Not incapacitated yet.
> You throw a kick to its rib cage, and feel bones break.
> Just as the nausea takes you, you remember the wings.
> Grabbing a wing, you drop the sword in favor of a choke hold.
> Barfing over his bleeding neck, you punch just in front of the shoulder blades.
> Repeatedly.
> Until his spine cracks.
 
> You're now covered in blood, vomitus, and standing over two dead cops.
> You understand Roasting Hops' fears.
> Gasping, you take the large step toward Roastie.
> Crying, she leans against the barn's wall.
> You lay a hand gently on her right shoulder.
 
   "Roastie?"
> You wait for her to make eye contact.
  "You need to make a choice. I'm going to run. Do you want to run with me, or stay here?"
> She's almost shivering now, but the sound of her tears has stopped.
>The way she's eying the corpses, you think you know her answer.
 
>  "Trottingham."
> That was not what you thought her answer would be.
> "It's far from Ponyville. No one travels between them. We can escape."
> She steps away from the wall to lay her head against your right hip.
> Wrapping a foreleg around your left hip, she speaks so softly you almost can't hear her.
> "I don't want to be in this town, ever again."