Title:           Phoning it in by dogbertcarroll A CYOA Story with a twist, an SI with
Author:          Xenobreeder
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/PqiYVrJM
First Edit:      Tuesday 21st of June 2016 01:33:14 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 21st of June 2016 01:33:14 PM CDT

Phoning it in
 
 
by dogbertcarroll
 
 
A CYOA Story with a twist, an SI with no knowledge of the setting but the ability to escape anything except his fate.
 
Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,977 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 240 - Updated: 12/3/2015 - Published: 8/13/2015 - id: 11445356
 
URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11445356
 
 
 
 
 
Table of Contents
 
 
    Table of Contents
 
    1. Chapter 1
 
    2. Chapter 2
 
    3. Chapter 3
 
    4. Chapter 4
 
    5. Chapter 5
 
    6. Chapter 6
 
    7. Chapter 7
 
    8. Chapter 8
 
    9. Chapter 9
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 1
 
 
Phoning it in 1
 
I suddenly awoke to find myself lying on a dirty sofa in a back alley of a city I've never been to before. Right away I knew I was in an SI.
 
Let me say right up front I like reading SIs, I like writing SIs, but I hate being in an SI. To quote a midget with hairy feet, 'an adventure is someone else going through a rough time.' at least I think that's how it goes.
 
I mentally go over what I know. I have to survive ten years in this place and something is going to be coming after me by attacking the city in a month. I get the impression of something like Godzilla, but nothing more than that.
 
Well, fuck.
 
I'm a bit mollified when I go over my power list, as I seem to have made myself into a copy of Merlin. Not the magician, well actually he was a magician and the Merlin you are thinking of was named after him.
 
Let me get back on track. I have to survive ten years in a place where Godzilla is going to start hunting me down in the space of a month... and I have to be here for it. I can feel the geas placed on me.
 
I need time to think, a lot of time.
 
I hear gunshots not quite in the distance and decide to stretch my legs and gain some time. Standing up I focus on my surroundings. I'm in a back alley with a dirty sofa and a lot of trash. There is broken glass and graffiti everywhere, with swastikas featuring prominently. This is not a good neighborhood.
 
I check the sofa for loose change and find a little over a dollar, two disposable lighters, and a pocket knife. Better than nothing and the change looks like normal American currency so I guess I'm in America.
 
Taking a deep breath I take a step forward, the alley shifting around me, the graffiti changing languages. I take another step and the sofa turns into an easy chair and the graffiti is now in day-glow colors. A few more steps and the noise of the city vanishes, as does most of the trash and the graffiti, instead there is grass growing through cracks in the sidewalk.
 
I can feel the countdown till Godzilla attacks slow to a glacial pace, like an hourglass dropping a single grain of sand a day.
 
I take a deep breath as I exit the alley and find the air hotter and cleaner. I'm in an LA without a trace of smog or people. It's obvious that the city is deserted, yet the street lights are still functioning.
 
I need something to eat and a solid plan to avoid getting stomped on by a size twelve thousand foot, but I have time now, so most of my completely reasonable (and in no way cowardly) panic is gone.
 
I like this version of LA, it's one of the places I thought had the calmest apocalypse of anywhere, even Miranda. A comet passed close to the Earth and everyone had been instructed that it might cause electrical interference so all flights were grounded and all vehicles parked when it occurred.
 
I'm not sure why this world differed so much from most modern Earth's, especially other ones where it was sometime in the mid 80's, but something happened in World War II that caused them to be a lot more safety cautious when it came to power plants, operating machinery, and even household appliances in general.
 
It'd been a month since the night of the comet and yet there were no fires or floods and the streetlights were still on and the power plants humming along, despite the fact that less than a dozen people were probably still alive in the entire North American continent.
 
I spot a 7-11 and head for it. I'm a bit hungry and hopefully their Slurpee machine is still running. The doors open at my approach and a blast of cold air hits me. There are piles of clothes and red dust scattered about inside, unlike outdoors where wind and rain cleaned up everything. I'm tempted to snag a bit of the jewelery laying there, but there are better places for that, ones that aren't so ghoulish.
 
I walk out of the store with a fountain drink and a bag full of snacks not more than a minute later, the Slurpee machine was frozen solid and the rotisserie chicken and hot dogs qualified as jerky at this point. After the cool of the air conditioned store the heat seems like a bit much so I take off my jacket and hear a clinking noise.
 
Going through my jacket's pockets, something I should have done earlier, I discover five glowing vials. Each vial has a word written on it followed by a symbol of some sort. They read: Energy, Mass, Acceleration, Gravity, and Forethought.
 
They practically cry out for me to drink them, so naturally I put them away. I don't care what my instincts say, I'm not drinking a glowing vial of unknown fluid without a damn good reason!
 
Merlin's memories not withstanding, you'd think I'd be a lot less accepting of all of this, but I'm pretty calm. Sure I was a bit panicked by knowing Godzilla wants me dead and I'll have to face him, but even that was just a fraction of the mind numbing terror I should have felt.
 
Despite the fact that its been a month and all of the red dust was gone and most of the clothes had been washed or blown away, there was still a lot of shoes and jewelry lying around, in the gutters. I start collecting gold and silver chains, just for something to do as I walk along the sidewalk looking for a good hotel to stay at.
 
I round a corner and find myself looking at the beach. As I take in the many signs and the tropical island theme I realize I'm not in LA I'm in the Tropics. I had been aiming for LA and gotten somewhere near the Equator, no matter how you slice it my aim is lousy. Well at least I got the right world, the multiple piles of red dust that used to be people don't lie.
 
I walked along the beach, sipping my soda and eating junk food, those five vials clinking in my jacket pocket as I walked calling out for me to drink them and being firmly ignored. I watched the seabirds circle over the beach and wondered why only humans had been affected by the comet. Or was it only humans? Maybe it just affected large mammals. I don't know. All I really did know was that humans had all been reduced to red dust and nothing else appeared to have been touched.
 
I saw what looked to be a good sized black... dog? No, it's face was too flattened and its head too round. It looked a little like a Koala but its face was all wrong, having an overly large eyes and nose, and its mouth was huge for its size.
 
As I approached it turned its head to look at me and its eyes widened, clearly surprised. The sky clouded over quickly and it bolted, running on two legs as the sky opened up and poured warm water down on me like I was taking a shower. It was rather nice truthfully.
 
I followed its tracks in the sand. It was about two thirds my size but left much deeper prints. It was also dripping some kind of... ink? It was leaving a trail of black in the sand, which would have made it easy to follow even if it hadn't left deep grooves in the sand.
 
The sky suddenly cleared up as quickly as it had clouded over and the black mutant koala bear returned. Whatever had panicked him was gone as he looked at me in wonder and slowly reached out to poke me with a single digit to make sure I was real.
 
When I didn't pop or vanish he smiled. He didn't behave like an animal regardless of how he looked, so I decided to treat him like a person. I extended my hand. "Name's John, glad to meet you."
 
He almost reached for my hand before suddenly dropping to all fours and saying," Bark, bark."
 
I blinked and retracted my hand. He hadn't barked he had said the word bark. Oh well, I've met stranger. "Good boy?" I offered.
 
He nodded at me and said, "Woof," Seemingly satisfied with my response.
 
"Wanna go to the local grocery store and microwave some frozen pizzas?" I asked. He nodded rapidly. "OK, boy, lead the way."
 
"Bow wow," he said and waved for me to follow him before dropping on all fours and heading inland.
 
I followed him. If he wants to claim to be a dog, who was I to argue?
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
 
Worm CYOA Setup!
 
Difficulty: Standard - 6 free points
 
Type: Self Insert
 
(4) Copy Character Sheet - Merlin son of Corwin chosen.
 
(2) Power Manipulation - Muahahaha!
 
(1) Blank - Seers can not see you!
 
(1) Shattered Limiter - Powers grow stronger with time.
 
(1) Special Snowflake - Powers can't be hacked.
 
(1) Cauldron Vials - 5 labeled top tier power vials.
 
(1) Libromancer - Ever get lost in a book?
 
(1) For Want of a nail - Scion has left the building.
 
(1) Inviticus - Untouchable mind.
 
13 total - 6 for Standard 7 points of disadvantages needed.
 
(-1) Pint Sized - young (10-11)
 
(-1) Leviathan - 1 month countdown
 
(-2) Welcome to The Slaughterhouse - New toy spotted.
 
(-2) Wildbow? What's a Wildbow? - No knowledge of setting
 
(-1) Geas - Welcome to the party - Must show up for Leviathan
 
7 points
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 2
 
 
Phoning it in 2
 
Despite the fact that the black koala can talk, he insists on pretending he can't, so he mostly communicates through hand gestures and saying dog noises occasionally. I'm guessing he wants my story.
 
"I amused some higher being or other and was given powers and dropped in a world where I was going to have to face a one on one fight with Godzilla in a month," I explained.
 
He raises an eyebrow and just looks at me, clearly thinking I'm crazy.
 
I hold up a fork we got from Sears when we raided it for plates and silverware. It's a heavy duty utensil made of stainless steel and moderately thick. I twist it around my finger like it's Playdoh, before pulling it off my finger and handing it to him.
 
He takes it between two fingers and straightens it just as easily, but he looks thoughtful while spreading chili on a sandal and eating it. He nods showing he believes I'm not quite like most people.
 
"Naturally my first thought was to escape, because any fight between me and Godzilla is going to end with me being stepped on at this point, so I used my power to walk through shadows to a world where time moved a lot faster and things were a lot quieter so I could figure out what to do," I explained.
 
He waved a claw at everything around him with an inquiring look, before eating another shoe, a left one. He seems to only eat left shoes I'd noticed.
 
"Why here?" I guessed and received a nod. "Well this world is called Night of the Comet, because the comet that passed by emitted some exotic radiation that reduced all humans to red sand. That means I can take plenty of time to rest and gather supplies before moving on to a friendlier world where I can train to beat Godzilla or more likely just survive him."
 
He nodded and ate the last of his shoes and then the box it came in before cleaning his hands on a napkin... which he then ate.
 
"I'm John," I introduced myself again, "What's your name?"
 
He opened his mouth like he was going to speak but then closed it again and shrugged.
 
I tried to think up a name for a mutant black koala who was pretending to be a dog but drew a blank, and then I recalled him always leaving right shoes alone while eating the left ones. "How about I call you Murphy?" I asked.
 
He considered that for a minute and then nodded.
 
I found myself yawning. Apparently even the small amount of shadow walking I'd done had taken a lot out of me and only after I'd gotten some food and truly relaxed had it hit me. "I'm going to crash in the waterbed store. We'll talk more when I wake up."
 
Murphy nodded as I got up and stumbled out the door of the appliance store. I could probably have just laid down anywhere and napped, but that would probably end up with me stiff and sore when I awoke so I soldiered on. The waterbed warehouse was just a few doors down. The AC hit me as I entered momentarily waking me enough that I could undress before climbing into one of the display models.
 
Happiness is a heated waterbed. I slept.
 
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
 
There was a moment of panic when I woke up, as I'd reached down to scratch myself and discovered some major changes. Fortunately I quickly recalled that I had been de-aged to the point I was barely in double digits age wise. Opening my eyes I saw something I was not expecting, Murphy was zooming around the ceiling leaving a faint rainbow of color behind him that quickly faded. A strange ability but being some kind of alien or mutant animal I'm sure he had a few. If it was considered a super power I'd have been able to sense it, if I was touching him. The power manipulator ability was powerful but limited in its own way, too bad I couldn't modify it...
 
I felt like smacking myself in the forehead as it occurred to me that it could manipulate any power and that included itself. I quickly modified the ability to sense powers into a ranged ability extending to greater ranges if I concentrated on it. Immediately I sensed two individuals with powers not including myself, one was Murphy and the other was... a fish?
 
There was a rather fat, orange, tropical fish with two rows of blue spots on it, floating through the air and I traced the power to a goldfish bowl where the same fish swam serenely. Apparently it could project its astral form, had precognitive dreams, telekinesis, and a healing factor. A nice power combo, but in a fish?
 
Climbing out of bed I accidentally kicked my clothes and the clank of vials reminded me they were there and I could feel them calling me to drink them once more. Ignoring the call, I got dressed and checked on them. It seems I only have three vials now as it looks like Murphy drank Acceleration and fed Foresight to his fish.
 
Seeing me awake, Murphy lands at my feet looking guilty.
 
"The vials called to you?" I guess and he nods rapidly. "OK, I get that," I admitted. "I can't fault you on that, but why give one to the fish?"
 
Murphy rubs his stomach and points at the sky. I have no clue what that means, so I just shrug and examine the three remaining vials. At least I know what they do now.
 
There are three power sets left. Energy could be anything, Gravity was probably the most powerful vial, and Mass... Mass seemed the most promising. Vision from The Avengers' comics did some really cheesy shit with the ability to alter his own mass and his defensive uses of it were top notch. Decision made I pop open the Mass vial and down it. It tastes like... Mambo Number Five? I pass out.
 
Murphy shakes me awake and I can tell my guess on what the vial did was close. I can spread out my mass, turning into a cloud or condense it becoming small and super dense. This made it almost certain Godzilla can't kill me.
 
I pick up the two remaining vials, Energy and Gravity. They no longer call out to me, but leaving them lying around is just asking for trouble. I push them into my shadow. Being as weak and untrained as I am (despite having Merlin's memories) I can only store small items in my shadow and any half trained Amberite or Shadow Spawn could have pulled them out, but that should be safe enough for now.
 
I experiment turning into a cloud and then playing with my size a bit. It's actually pretty fun and Murphy flies through me a few times scattering my form a bit as I learn to reform and move around as a cloud. The fish watches us, his astral form floating around and through items as we play around. Murphy discovers a new use for his ability as he does a fair imitation of the flash on the ground.
 
After a few hours I reform into my normal density and get dressed. It's almost noon, meaning I slept for close to twenty hours, and I'm hungry once more. "Let's go eat," I tell Murphy, making a note to get a backpack to hold supplies.
 
Murphy places the fish bowl in a little red wagon that he pulls behind him as I hold the door open so he can follow me.
 
We hit the grocery store once more for cans of chili, frozen pizza, and picnic supplies. It feels a bit wasteful to use new silverware rather than plastic or wash the old ones, but as this world is nearly empty of people and it'll be centuries (if ever) before a human ever comes here again, I don't think anyone will complain.
 
Murphy also loads up on sandwich supplies, putting loaves of bread and lots of peanut butter and jelly in his wagon. I'm guessing that's his usual fare since he only watched me open the cans and work the microwave. Naturally he also stopped by the beach apparel area and grabbed a dozen left flip flops.
 
We return to the appliance store and I dump all the dirt dishes and trash from our last meal into a trash bag. I lay out everything for our next meal, while Murphy makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which he drops in the fish bowl. I've never seen a tropical fish eat a sandwich before but the fat little fish starts nibbling away at it, making a sizable dent in very little time. It's almost hypnotic. I go back to making a feast of greasy junkfood a couple of minutes later as my stomach reminds me I'm hungry. No I don't normally eat this way but junkfood stay fresh longer than most foods so it's safer to eat in these types of situations.
 
"I need some catalogs of jewelry and another of heavy duty clothing like hiking and mountain climbing," I tell Murphy.
 
Murphy gives me a confused look, not seeing why I would like such things.
 
"You'll see," I promise. "You get them and I'll show you something cool."
 
He nods and leaves while I mix up some lemonade. A slice of pizza floats off the table and drops into the fish bowl, following the astral projection of the tropical fish. Nice to know I have a fellow fan of Hawaiian pizza. Everything is ready by the time Murphy returns with a Sears catalog and one from Zale's Jewelers.
 
"Bar, bark," Murphy says, handing me the catalogs.
 
I paged through the Sears catalog and found a good sized backpack. Making sure Murphy was watching, I reached inside the picture and pulled it out.
 
A half eaten chili, pizza, and left thong sandwich falls out of his hands as he stares at me in shock.
 
I laughed for a minute before explaining, "Libromancers are people who can reach into books and pull things out. Now that ability has a lot of restrictions and downsides normally, however being an Amberite I sidestep a lot of them."
 
He almost looks like he's going to ask some questions, but instead just gestures to his ear.
 
"More?" I ask.
 
He nods his head eagerly.
 
I start pulling out Jewelry from the Zale's catalog while I'm talking, "Well, Amberites are fairly complicated to explain so I'll just give you a summary. There is Amber, the central pillar of existence, and there is chaos. Everything real or imagined exists between those two points and are referred to as Shadows. Now since my father is from Amber, I can walk through the Shadows to find anything I want."
 
"Ahhh," he said impressed.
 
"Now, Libromancers are much more limited, relying on the belief of mankind in general to fuel their ability and eroding the boundaries between their shadow and chaos to a small degree that rebounds on their personal existence rather than on their world. Since I'm more powerful than any of them can ever hope to be and can reach through Shadow for items unaided, I can use their abilities as a shortcut for my own, so I don't have to sit for hours in meditation to get specific items."
 
Murphy shrugs, not getting half of what I said, probably because he doesn't have the right background to understand it.
 
"I can reach into books and pull things out," I explain.
 
His eyes get comically wide and he runs out of the store.
 
"How much you want to bet he's getting a book?" I ask the fish.
 
The fish does not respond.
 
I'm just finishing my second slice of pizza when Murphy dashes in with a Star Wars novel. I grin knowing exactly what he wants.
 
"Lightsaber?" I ask.
 
"Yeah!" he agrees nodding rapidly and completely forgetting he isn't supposed to be able to talk.
 
Opening the book I reach in and pull out a lightsaber, feeling it shift to match the local reality as I hand it to him. "Here you go. Just try not to cut any bits of yourself off."
 
Murphy switches it on and a four foot beam of blue plasma forms above the hilt with a soothing hum. His grin is the evilest I've ever seen.
 
The astral projection of the tropical fish begins telekinetically pulling the little red wagon containing his fishbowl towards the door.
 
As Murphy laughs like a certain super villain I realize the fish has the right idea and follow him.
 
I'm sure Murphy will calm down eventually and how destructive can one little mutant animal be, even with a lightsaber?
 
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 3
 
 
Phoning it in 3
 
I dropped a slice of pizza in the fish bowl as we watched bits of the Waterbed Warehouse fall in on itself as the lightsaber cut hole after hole in it at high speeds. "That's an impressive amount of destruction," I noted, as Murphy cut a hole through the wall next to the front door and climbed through it.
 
The lightsaber fizzled and went out, leaving Murphy to shake it and hit it with his hand to try and get it to work again, like you'd do with a flashlight. He seemed to come back to himself and looked around at all the destruction sheepishly. He quickly spotted us and hurried over, offering the lightsaber back, obviously embarrassed.
 
I accepted it back. "Yeah, the batteries on these things are only good for an hour or so of continuous use. Most Jedi battles last a couple of minutes at most and if the charge isn't fully depleted it will regenerate to a degree."
 
There was a loud crash as the waterbed store collapsed in on itself, which set off a chain reaction that took out all the stores on that side of the street. Murphy shrank down.
 
"That's actually pretty impressive," I told Murphy, trying to cheer him up. "And it's not like anyone's going to complain."
 
He seemed to brighten up a bit and stood up straighter before slumping once more.
 
I could tell what he was thinking about. "Yeah, losing people sucks," I told him. "Personally, I take comfort in the knowledge that there are worlds where everyone I lost is still alive and well."
 
He perked up at that and looked at me intently, a question in his eyes.
 
It was easy to guess what he wanted to know. "Give me a couple of years to work on my skills and I can do it. At the moment my aim kinda sucks and walking in the shadows is dangerous. My priorities are to gain strength and skill at the moment, which helps with that, but like I said it's going to take me a couple of years."
 
Murphy smiled broadly. A fire alarm sounded and smoke started rising from the rubble as something caught fire. Murphy buried his face in his hands while I laughed.
 
I picked up the Star Wars novel and pushed the lightsaber back inside of it. "At least you didn't trash the bookstore," I told him. "I'll grab a couple of books to raid for supplies and then find some place to train."
 
Murphy looked thoughtful, obviously considering what I told him.
 
I dropped the Star Wars book in my backpack and noticed that we'd spilled a little water out of the fish bowl.
 
The fish was watching as his astral form telekinetically moved the water back into the bowl a drop at a time.
 
To strengthen my powers, I need either practice or time, and I'm not all that patient a person when I have the choice. I stuck a finger inside the bowl, but the fish avoids it and I'd rather not scare the fish or splash water around, so I concentrate to add some distance to how far I can extend my ability to manipulate powers.
 
I manage to extend the ability out to a couple dozen feet, feeling it take at least a quarter of the energy I can feel connected to it. I'll see if I can extend that later, for now it's more than enough for me to alter the fish's power.
 
I can affect range with my power, now let's see what else I can do. I strengthen his telekinesis, adding a specialty of aquakinesis, and watch as he easily returns all the water back to his bowl.
 
He examines me, using his actual body as well as his astral form, before using his new ability to work like a fish tank's pump and send bubbles though it adding more oxygen.
 
He's pretty intelligent for a fish, probably a side effect of gaining psychic powers. I'm not sure how he manages to operate his body while astral projecting, normally you'd need multi-presence or something similar to pull that off and I can't sense him having that power. It's possible fish have a natural ability to do something similar since many have eyes on separate sides of their heads with non-overlapping fields of view. I consider that for a moment before deciding to do one more test. I'm not sure this will work, but if it does it'll open up a lot more uses for my power.
 
I power all my remaining energy into strengthening his natural ability to split his attention into a true multi-presence ability and am rewarded by the feel of him gaining that ability and the sight of his astral form multiplying into an entire school of fish.
 
Being able to turn natural traits into their own powers is a game changer. Give me a couple of years preparation and Godzilla's going to have to run from me!
 
Murphy pokes me in the side and I realize I've been laughing maniacally. I blush. "Sorry, just figured out I could do some impressive things. Let's go to the bookstore."
 
He waves for me to follow and starts pulling the little red wagon down the road, ignoring the flaming wreckage of half a dozen stores just across from us.
 
He leads us to the mall and I smiled as the crisp air conditioned air rolled over us and elevator music played in the background. Being an 80's kid I love the mall, it was a place I often went to hang out with friends, commit petty crimes, and play videogames. Plus all the end of the world movies took place in there, so I was culturally conditioned to head for them when these events occurred.
 
Murphy waved for me to follow him but I spotted an Orange Julius. "Let's grab a drink first," I suggested heading for it. If you've never had an Orange Julius I pity you. I hopped the counter of the open air fast food joint in the center of the mall and examined the drink machine. Now, I've never worked at an Orange Julius, but I have worked at various fast food places before so I have a general idea of what to do. They design these things so they can be run by trained chimps if necessary. You better believe I can run one. A few minutes later we are sucking down orange slush thingies like crazy. It's another half an hour before we leave the stand and that's because we have to pee.
 
It takes us a little while to drink ourselves sick of Orange Julius' and head for the bookstore.
 
Murphy waves at a Waldenbooks and says, "Tada!"
 
I grinned widely and quickly entered the bookstore, breathing deep the scent of ink and paper. I go from shelf to shelf tossing copies of familiar series in my backpack, two if it's ones I enjoy reading. It's a good thing I expanded the inside of my backpack or I would have run out of room quickly. I frown as I notice certain series are missing before I remember I'm in the mid 80's and a lot of the series I like haven't been written yet. Well, that's easy enough to fix.
 
"Murph," I call out, distracting Murphy, who is currently chewing on a sandal. "I've recovered enough to Shadow Walk, so I'm going to go. I'll come back and get you when I'm stronger, OK?" I don't wait for a reply before I turn to go. I don't like long goodbyes and although I'm not compelled to return yet, the feeling of the geas is like a leash around my neck that I can't forget.
 
I concentrate and take a step forward, slightly distracted by the smell of smoke that lingered on my jacket. Naturally that's the facet of reality that I end up strengthening as I concentrate on moving to a Waldenbooks in LA, some thirty plus years from now. Reality seems to flicker around me as I focus on stepping forward like a time traveler who's car broke down and is forced to hoof it. It's not quite a Hellride and I fall to my knees panting as I reach as far as I can Walk for the moment. I tried to substitute force for skill and as I look around me, I realize that was definitely not a good idea.
 
The smell of smoke and the sound of gunfire lets me know I am no where near where I was trying to go. The lights are out, there is dirt and debris everywhere in the store. This place has been through a war and from the sounds outside that war is still going on.
 
I hear a noise behind me and quickly spin around. Murphy attempts a smile and waves as he stands there with the red wagon. I sigh. "We're here until I get enough energy to walk again," I explain.
 
Murphy nods and flies up to a small window in the back of the store that lets in the little sunlight that keeps us from being completely in the dark. His ears go flat and his eyes go wide before he drops to the floor, shaken from what he witnessed.
 
"What is it?" I asked.
 
Murphy starts moving stiffly forward with his arms out in front of him.
 
"Zombies?" I ask.
 
Murphy shakes his head and mimes shooting while moving stiffly with his arms out in front of him.
 
"Robots?" I guess.
 
He nods rapidly.
 
"Just keep your head down and stay away from the window," I tell him. "The front half of this store is blocked with... looks like a semi crashed into it. Anyway we should be safe here, at least long enough for me to rest and get us someplace safer."
 
He nods slowly this time, calming down and looking less nervous.
 
"Let me find a lamp and we can block off the window so we can relax a bit," I tell him.
 
He looks confused and gives me a look.
 
"Just find me a book with a lamp I can pull out of it," I explain, as I start searching myself. I run across several fantasy novels, but I don't need a lit torch, I need a lamp, preferably electric. I'm stuffing books in my backpack as I go, since despite this not being where I intended to go it is when or close to it.
 
Murphy pokes me with a magazine which turns out to be a copy of Outdoor Life, a camping magazine. "Thanks," I say before I page through it finding a plethora of ads on camping gear to choose from. I pull out a box of chem lights and break a few, activating them, so we can see a little better.
 
"See if you can block the window, while I get us some sleeping bags and pillows."
 
He nods and grabs a pile of books on new age meditation to cover the small window.
 
I start pulling everything I can out of the magazine. I need the practice and we've got plenty of room. Took bad I can't strengthen this ability with my power manipulation... I really have to stop doing that. I keep making assumptions instead of experimenting and verifying what I can and can't do. I make a mental note to see if I can turn my non-power powers into powers I can manipulate as soon as I'm rested enough to use that ability. I'm quickly surrounded by boxes of MRE's and camping gear, along with a fair amount of hunting equipment. It's getting harder to pull things out of the magazine I have, but that seems to be because I'm running out of items left, not because I've reached my limit.
 
Murphy sits next to me and we listen to the sound of gunfire taper off as thunder sounds in the distance. Murphy jumps up and starts making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, giving the first one to the fish before making another two and offering one to me. I accept the sandwich and wonder what happened to Murphy that made him afraid of thunder. Hopefully he'll decide to start speaking at some point and I can ask.
 
We watch dozens of astral fish float around aimlessly as we eat and once I finish I start searching for a particular young adult novel which hopefully they have in this reality. I find the series I'm looking for, but the first dozen novels are missing. Fortunately, they have a hardback version that covers five books at a time I can use. I take a deep breath and reach into it. There's a little resistance but I pull out the item I'm looking for remarkably easy. I thought it would be harder for some reason.
 
Murphy pokes me in the side and gestures at the item I'm holding and grinning like a loon at.
 
"This?" I hold it up and smile. "This is an Escafil device," I explain, as I show him the fist sized sky blue cube. "This will allow you to blend in anywhere."
 
Before I can explain further a vent in the ceiling pops open and someone falls out, hitting the floor and cursing quite loudly. The next half a dozen or so people who drop down from it do so much more smoothly and we are quickly ringed by what looks to be a jr high version of the rebels from Red Dawn. We stare at each other for a minute in silence, well except for the one still lying on the floor cursing.
 
"We come in peace," a dark haired boy offers.
 
I look at the amount of weapons they are carrying. "Bullshit," I reply.
 
That kills the conversation for a moment.
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 4
 
 
Phoning it in 4
 
"Is he ever going to stop cussing?" I ask.
 
"Not till he runs out of breath," a dark haired girl answers.
 
"Or you feed him," another boy adds.
 
"Murph, toss him some food," I call out causing the group of heavily armed children to spin around and finally take note of the dozens of floating fish and large pile of gear.
 
"Holy shit, dude!" a kid with dirty blonde hair exclaims as he notices Murphy.
 
Murphy drops a box of twinkies on the cursing boy who suddenly shuts up.
 
"You hit the motherlode here," the blonde boy says. "I don't suppose you'd care to share?" he asks hopefully.
 
"There's way too much for just me," I reply. "Help yourselves."
 
"Dude, seriously?" someone asks in shock.
 
"Just don't get into my backpack," I tell him.
 
The kids dive into the supplies and quickly replace a lot of their old or worn equipment and gear. All in all it takes nearly half an hour before they come up for air.
 
"Leo, make with the introductions already," a dark haired kid orders.
 
The polite blond haired boy sighs and begins to introduce the group to me. Most of them are just entering their teens or are a bit younger, all of them are wearing heavily worn camo gear, carrying a large assortment of weapons, and all of them look like they could use a hot bath and a lot of hot meals.
 
"Is there a bathroom in here?" a dark haired girl named Wendy asks.
 
"If not, the store next to us is a Bed, Bath, and Beyond," Eric offers. "I can escort furburger there through the vents."
 
"Stop calling me that," Wendy says rolling her eyes like it's an old joke between the two.
 
Murphy makes lightsaber noises and mimes cutting a hole through the wall.
 
"What is he a mutant of?" a red haired girl with the imaginative name of Red asked.
 
"And how is there floating fish holograms everywhere?" Stan asks suspiciously. "This is seriously freaky."
 
"If I'm dreaming let me know now," Eric says, "Cause I want a chance to get in a threesome before I wake up."
 
Bebe laughs. "Keep dreaming Eric. We either need more girls or for a couple of the guys to turn gay before that happens."
 
Eric turns to Leo. "Dude, I don't mean to sound queer or nothing, but I think Craig has a sweet ass and he's been checking you out."
 
Silence holds for a moment before everyone busts out laughing.
 
"Nah, but seriously, dude. What's up?" Eric asks.
 
"Me and my dog aren't from around here and my fish learned astral projection," I reply.
 
Everyone pauses and then looks towards Leo, who looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, "Ain't no way a machine could come up with something like that, he's safe fellas."
 
A tension I hadn't noticed seemed to go out of the group and there was a lot of clicks as safeties were engaged and weapons holstered. I can't believe the kids were so smooth I never noticed they were on a hair trigger to cut me down.
 
"I'm getting the others," Eric says climbing on top of a bookcase and boosting Kenny into the vent ahead of him, so he could pull him up.
 
"Others?" I ask.
 
"We left our injured two stores to the right," Leo explains. "It's a bit difficult to move around, so they guard our supplies."
 
"A hole in the wall would be easier to move through than the vents," I tell him, opening my backpack and reaching into a Star Wars novel inside of it.
 
Murphy stares at the lightsaber in my hand like a dog would stare at a stick, the kids recognize it as well.
 
"No freakin' way!" Red says.
 
I grin and activate it causing a four foot green energy blade to appear with a familiar sound. "let's make some doors."
 
"At least we don't have to worry about cutting any live wires or gas lines," Craig offers, as I pick a clear spot and quickly cut a five by three foot section of wall out and push it inwards.
 
Wendy and Red empty their canteens on a pair of dirty towels and use them to extinguish any flames or embers before Stan drags the debris out of the way.
 
It's rather obvious this group has been together for a long time and is very good at improvising. Hell, I didn't even consider that a lightsaber could start a fire cutting through a wall and they were already preparing for it to happen. These kids are seriously impressing me.
 
"Comic book store," Leo notes as we walk through the darkened store, dust everywhere but the store interior completely untouched.
 
A vent overhead pops open and Eric sticks his head out. "What the fuck?!"
 
"Lightsaber," Leo tells him, waving me to the next wall.
 
"Let me warn them first," Eric says before vanishing back into the vent.
 
"Probably a good idea," Leo agrees. "Jimmy can be a bit trigger happy."
 
"So... how far away are you from?" Bebe asks.
 
"Far enough I have no idea what's going on or what the whole robot thing is about," I admit.
 
"A galaxy far, far away?" Wendy jokes.
 
"That's not too far off," I admit. "More... sideways through time."
 
"I'd say you were full of shit, but you're way too strange to be from around here," Stan says. "Kyle, you want to give him the run down?"
 
"Sure," Kyle says. "Robot uprising, almost everyone dies from a nuclear exchange, Red plague kills off most of the adults and sterilizes everyone that's left. We'd just entered the fifth grade and were on a field trip. Our bus broke down inside a tunnel, saving us all during the nuclear exchange. So, we returned home, picked up a couple of people, and spent the next handful of years scavenging."
 
"We've had some laughs along the way," Leo points out, "but yeah, it's a heaping pile of suck."
 
"I don't suppose you have a way back to where you come from that seats a dozen?" Bebe asked hopefully.
 
I cut a hole in the wall and the two girls quickly smother the embers. "Yeah, I just need to rest first." I turn off the lightsaber and pretend to put it in my backpack while putting it back in a book. Leaving a lightsaber out where Murphy can get his hands on it would be beyond stupid.
 
Kenny and Eric introduce me to a girl named Karen who is my apparent age, with burn scars covering the left half her of her face and missing her left arm as well, a boy with metal braces on his limbs named Jimmy who stutters a lot, and a girl who is at least fifteen and has a splint on her right leg but otherwise seems fine named Shelly.
 
"You can get us out of here?" Leo asks intently.
 
"Easy as I got here, but I was aiming for some place way different, so there's no guarantee we won't end up some place worse," I warn them.
 
There's a lot of laughter that takes some time to die out.
 
"It's hard to imagine a place worse than this," Kenny says speaking for the group.
 
"Yeah, probably easy to find a brighter world," I said thoughtfully. I can feel the path back to the world we'd just left, it's a bit distant but easy enough to reach, it's traveling to new places that is hard.
 
"Can you cut a hole into Bed, Bath, and Beyond?" Bebe asks. "I'd like to sleep in a bed if possible."
 
"Sure," I agree, and with a little help we get the entire group back to the bookstore. Their supplies don't amount to much and were probably just an excuse to keep their injured out of harm's way.
 
"Where'd you get all the gear?" Shelly asks as I cut a hole into the next store and most of the group goes to examine it.
 
"I pulled it out of a magazine," I tell her not seeing a reason to lie and gaining a confused look from her.
 
"Like Paula the Pretty Princess?" Karen asks excitedly digging in her backpack and pulling out an old beat up magazine slash toy advertisement for an American knock off of Sailor Moon.
 
"I just reach in and pull stuff out," I explain. "The more powerful it is the more effort it takes."
 
"My favorite is the magic heart necklace she wears," Karen said opening the magazine to a well worn page. "It can heal any wounds, even old ones once a day!"
 
"Life doesn't work like that kiddo," Shelly says with a frown and then more tenderly, "sometimes you get hurt and you just have to go on."
 
Karen isn't listening as she runs her finger over the picture of a heart shaped jewel on a silver necklace. "It can even heal missing limbs."
 
I reach into the picture and whatever Shelly was about to say is lost as she stares open mouthed at the sight of my arm going into a physical object. The necklace is warm in my grasp and feels like it weighs a ton as I pull it towards me. Sweat begins to drip down my face and I can feel the pages of the magazine start to char as I pull. "Fuck!" I shout as it burns my hand and I drop it, but Karen's one hand snatches it out of midair before it can fall back inside the picture.
 
"Only the pure of heart can hold it," Karen says apologetically as her magazine crumbles into ash.
 
"What the fuck, dude?" Kenny demands as everyone has returned at my shout to see Karen holding a glowing jewel in her hand.
 
"But if someone who is pure of heart picks it up they are given a choice, to become beautiful, all their injured and imperfections healed, or to heal everyone around them," Karen says and a flash of white light blinds everyone.
 
The pain in my hand vanishes and as Karen grins, completely unchanged.
 
"B-but you could have been healed!" Bebe complains as she recovers. "You could have been beautiful!"
 
"Shut up, bitch!" Kenny growls at her. "She is beautiful!"
 
"I mean, we would have healed anyway, this was her shot at healing herself!" Bebe snaps at him. "I want my friends fucking perfect and a one shot heal spell could have healed her!"
 
Karen laughs and Eric helps her put on the necklace. "Yeah, but I can heal you all once a day now. Healing myself once is a waste compared to that."
 
"Well, my nobility boner just red lined," Eric announced. "Anyone else? No, just me then?"
 
"Jimmy?" Karen asked as Jimmy wasn't removing his braces.
 
"Y-yeah?" he stuttered.
 
"Aren't you healed?" she asked.
 
"I w-w-wasn't injured," he stuttered out. "M-My prob-problems are gen-gen-gen-genetic."
 
"Oh," she said sadly.
 
"Ch-cheer up," Jimmy ordered her. "On-on-one out of a dozen is d-damn good."
 
"Anyone here read Animorphs?" I asked pulling out the small blue cube. "It can fix Karen and, with a little fudging, Jimmy as well." What Karen did impressed me, and I can't let that kind of nobility go unrewarded.
 
"Are we sure I'm not just dreaming this?" Eric asked once more.
 
"You still ain't getting a threesome, so I think this is all real," Leo says cheerfully.
 
"Wait, the new standard for determining reality is me not getting my threesome?!" Eric demands.
 
"Yep," Shelly agrees as everyone nods.
 
"You guys suck!" Eric says shaking his head, before everyone bursts out laughing.
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 5
 
 
Phoning it in 5
 
"Kenny read me Animorphs before," Karen said. "It heals physical stuff, but not genetics, right?"
 
"Yeah, but Jimmy can just morph someone else to skip all the genetic problems, if he can't figure out how to blend his morph with someone else's to fix it," I explained.
 
"That's only good for two hours at a time," Kenny points out.
 
"Unless he stays past the two hour limit and allows the morph to lock," Eric says, having read the series as well.
 
"But then he'd be stuck as someone other than himself," Leo points out. "Plus, no more morphing."
 
Jimmy laughed. "Or-or I could t-touch the cube again an-and start wi-with a n-new base f-form."
 
Everyone fell silent for a moment.
 
"Is it really that simple?" Wendy asks.
 
"Man, that is a huge plot hole," I said while holding out the box to Jimmy.
 
Jimmy places a hand on the cube and it glows brightly for a second. "Th-that feels w-weird," he said before looking around for someone to copy. "M-may I?" he asks me as I'm the closest.
 
"May not work on me, but go ahead," I offer, holding out an arm. Jimmy places his hand on my forearm, I suppress the urge to yawn, and not five seconds later I'm staring at the face of my twin. It reminds me of shape shifting practice with my cousins when I was a kid... erm I mean when Merlin was.
 
"I feel... strong," Jimmy says, his stutter gone as he steps out of his braces in his now smaller body and stands up, his clothes hanging loose on him.
 
"Yeah, but you look like a shrimp," Eric assures him, as Jimmy starts testing out his range of motion and marveling at how easy it is to move now.
 
I hold the cube out for Karen and after Shelly helps her put on her necklace she places a hand on the cube and acquires the morphing ability.
 
"Can I copy you?" she asks Shelly.
 
"Sure, but we better get you changed into some bigger clothes before you try and take my form or you are going to have one hell of a wedgie," Shelly warns her.
 
It doesn't take long for everyone to use the cube and start turning into each other. The jokes, innuendo, and perverted suggestions got pretty crazy before I figure out how to calm everyone down.
 
I have a couple of flyers from KFC and Taco Bell, so I start pulling out buckets of chicken and trays of tacos.
 
Eric actually weeps tears of joy as I give him a bucket of extra crispy with a side order of mashed potatoes and gravy.
 
After the feast...
 
"I haven't been this full in forever," Red says.
 
"Yeah," Eric agrees. "If this is a dream, don't wake me up."
 
"Can you take us to a world like ours, but before the robots took over?" Bebe asks.
 
Stan speaks up, "Would we even fit in, in a place like that anymore?"
 
"How do you mean?" Leo questions him.
 
"We aren't the kids we were when all this started," Stan points out. "I mean... Hey Eric, someone beats up Kyle for being a Jew in the new High School they make us attend, as we are mostly high school age now, what do you do?"
 
"Double tap to the back of the skull with a homemade silencer for any survivors and remedial knife fighting lessons for Kyle," Eric said without thinking about it.
 
"Not seeing the problem here, except for him hogging all the action," Bebe said.
 
Stan groaned.
 
Leo laughed. "Remember how mad everyone used to get over little things like flesh wounds? Fellas, we ain't like them no more. We just need a good amount of supplies and some place safe from robots to be happy. The world we came from is filled with rules and laws that would chafe something awful, I reckon."
 
"We're still young enough they'd try to control us and make us conform," Shelly said. "Might be best if we stay off the grid and stick to the forests until we're eighteen."
 
"My aim kinda sucks," I admit. "I was aiming for some place quite different when I got here. I'm retracing my steps in the morning to a world with no war or robots, because a comet turned everyone into red sand, leaving everything else intact. Like I told Murphy, I need a couple years practice before I can take you to any specific place."
 
"Sounds like heaven to me already," Leo says cheerfully.
 
There was a horrible sound of metal tearing from the front of the store and in the space of a few heartbeats the kids were all in cover positions with weapons primed.
 
"Ok, new plan," I say grabbing my backpack and the handle of the little red wagon. "Everyone follow me to someplace else before any robots break in here."
 
"Move people," Leo orders, the soft spoken young man's voice commanding the group more effectively than I ever would have imagined.
 
"Follow," I say, stepping into the comic store while allowing my next step to be anywhere as long as it was away from robot apocalypse territory.
 
The world skips like the film switched reels.
 
The moon hangs full in the sky above us as we step into the courtyard of an abandoned castle. It looks like centuries since anyone has been here. My breath fogs the cool night air.
 
"Everyone here?" Leo demands scanning the group. "Any injuries?"
 
"All present and accounted for, no injuries, sir," Bebe and Eric chorus after a quick check.
 
Leo nods firmly and turns to me. "How safe is this place?"
 
"No idea," I admit. "I was thinking safe from a robot apocalypse but beyond that I don't know." I yawn loudly and shake my head. "I'm going to collapse now, traveling this way really takes it out of me." He nods and starts barking out orders while I pull out an unused copy of Outdoor Life and start pulling out of a large pile of camping gear for everyone.
 
I barely manage to crawl into a sleeping bag before passing out.
 
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
 
I awake to the smell of coffee and bacon with drool on my shoulder and a knee in my kidneys. Murphy and Karen are curled up with me. I carefully untangle myself and wiggle out of the sleeping bag. All my energies are back to full as I've finally managed to get some decent sleep.
 
Bebe and Eric are cooking over a campfire in the middle of the courtyard, while Jenny and Leo are sipping coffee and talking in low voices. Everyone else is asleep, mostly in pairs in zipped together sleeping bags.
 
"Morning, Merlin," Leo says quietly but cheerfully. "Want some coffee?"
 
"I'm good," I tell him before taking out an Orange Julius menu and pulling out half a dozen drinks for everyone.
 
"You have the most bullshit abilities in all of existence," Eric says with a grin. "I so envy you!"
 
"You wouldn't happen to know why Jimmy is himself again, but with no problems, would you?" Leo asks. "He reverted in his sleep, but he's still healed." Jimmy looks to me for answers with a large smile on his face not especially concerned with how it happened.
 
"Residual self image," I reply. "I'm a natural shape shifter so he's still morphing me, but he used my ability to look like himself in his sleep."
 
"If you can already shapeshift why did you pull out the blue box?" Bebe asked curiously.
 
"Because morphing instantly heals any injury and shapeshifting doesn't," I replied. "Morphing has its limits, but it's quick and heals even missing limbs in seconds."
 
"Can I learn to reach into books like you can?" Jimmy asks.
 
"Let me check," I tell him before taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out while focusing on increasing my ability to sense powers??¦ to powers not created by those vials. I can easily tell it works because everyone suddenly pings on my radar as morphers, well except for the fish and Murphy.
 
I turn my attention to Jimmy and find he has 'Morpher Locked' and all of my native gifts as a child of the Courts and of Amber. "No... but I have a similar skill you can learn since you copied me."
 
"Similar skill..." Leo says thoughtfully. "Did you learn that reach into book trick like you learned morphing because it was better in some ways?"
 
"Pretty much," I agree. "Libromancy is actually much worse than shadow shifting in most cases, but they combine really well."
 
"And if we all copy you we can learn that skill?" Leo asks.
 
"Among others," I agree.
 
"Are you an Angel?" Leo asks out of the blue.
 
"What?" I respond, confused.
 
"Our lives have been a large slice of hell for so long it seemed normal, but thanks to you that's no longer true. You have literally rescued us from Hell and seem determined to make our lives better than the ones we started with," Leo explained.
 
"If you were suddenly given a lot of power and ran across some kids in your situation, what would you do?" I countered. "I gotta exercise my powers to grow stronger, so helping you helps me as well. I'm not an Angel, I'm just not a dick."
 
"That makes sense," Leo agrees offering his hand and copying my DNA as we shake. "I'll do my best to learn what you have to teach."
 
Stan quickly picked his way through the camp after exiting the castle's interior. "Leo you might want to see this. Wendy's in the battlements keeping an eye on things, but... you better just see. I am not trying to explain this one."
 
Leo looks at me and I shrug. "We are far from robots, that's all I aimed for. We could be in Wonderland for all I know."
 
"Well let's go see where we are then," Leo says calmly, completely unfazed by anything that's occurred.
 
Frankly Leo impresses the hell out of me. He reminds me of my father, or Merlin's father rather, as regardless of the chaos around him he keeps a cool head and uses his commanding presence to keep order... yet when the crisis is past he can fade into the background.
 
Stan leads us onto the battlements, taking care to point out where to step lightly so we don't fall. Once we reach Wendy she gestures towards the clearing in front of the castle. The castle is surrounded by a forest straight out of a fairy tale, an endless sea of massive trees that breaks upon the rock that is this castle and the colors are unusually intense.
 
Turning to the meadow in front of the castle, I find myself a bit surprised to see half a dozen strangely colored horses, each radiating a specific power I could sense but not understand, like they were tarot cards come to life, something that I find to be a promising omen as my family??¦ Merlin's family, uses specially prepared tarot cards as a magical tool. I can feel five major arcana and one minor, the Knight of Swords, which appeared to be a white coated azure maned stallion. The rest were all mares of varying sizes with horns and wings except for the smallest female who had neither.
 
"Are they dangerous?" Leo asked.
 
"Those horns look pretty sharp," Wendy said.
 
I eyed the wings all but the male and the smallest mare had. "They could fly right in if they had a mind to, but horses generally aren't aggressive."
 
"Not unless you're made of grass," Stan agreed.
 
I could feel the power of the group and it made me realized I lacked all of my... Merlin's usual magical gear. I had no magical weapons or armor, I had no spikard or trumps, I had no allies to call on nor spells hung on my mantel to cast. I was going to have to fix that and the first step to doing so would be getting some hairs from those horses. "I'm going to get some brushes and take a closer look. I should be OK, but I'd suggest everyone else stay back while I do so."
 
"Unicorns are only safe for virgins to be around, if I remember right," Leo says slowly. "Not many of us still have that qualification."
 
"You guys are only twelve or thirteen, right?" I ask.
 
Leo chuckles. "After the red plague no one could get pregnant and we got us a small group with no STDs and no one to pass them to us, so since we could die at any time, staying a virgin... just weren't all that important."
 
"You guys do know that any damage the red plague caused has been healed now, right?" I asked.
 
Leo froze and then exchanged glances with the others. Silence reigns for a moment before Wendy said softly," We could have children."
 
"I thought we'd be the last," Stan said in shock.
 
"We are going to need some solid birth control measures," Leo said firmly.
 
"What?!" Wendy exclaimed horrified.
 
"Havin' kids young is dangerous," Leo explained. "The main reason the age of consent is eighteen isn't because you don't know your own mind until that age, it's because giving birth young isn't healthy and is often deadly. Now I ain't saying you can't have children, I'm saying we need to wait until it is safe, for you and the baby."
 
"I... I guess that makes sense," Wendy said with a sigh.
 
"Ideally we'll have a safe place to raise the little guy too," Leo said. "There's an order to doing things and that order is; build a nest before laying your eggs."
 
"Shelia and Bebe are the two girls most likely to get pregnant right now," Wendy said. "They are the most physically mature."
 
"I ain't a doctor or nothin' but since everyone has just been cured, we got at least half a cycle before pregnancy becomes a risk, so start a count and no one has sex after that point without protection," Leo ordered. "If we can get some protection earlier that'd be even better."
 
"I'll pass the message," Wendy agreed.
 
"I think I can find you a place to build your nests," I offer. "I was just going to take you guys to an empty world so you could relax, but I think I know of a world with people you guys would fit in with.
 
"Really?" Stan asked surprised.
 
"Really," I say as I consider it. "They set their town up to make it hard for outsiders to reach. They know the meaning of privacy. Plus I think their docs are some of the best, they only deal with a small community and actually care about their patients."
 
Leo smiled. "I'm sure glad to hear that. I was already worrying about how I was going to become a doctor in just a couple of years."
 
I reach into my backpack and sort through magazines until I find one about horse grooming and drop it off the battlements. Stripping down to my boxers I stuff my clothes in my backpack and hand it to Leo.
 
"It's a bit cold to be runnin' around naked," Leo notes.
 
"Keep an eye on my backpack," I tell him before changing into my cloud form and floating down to where I'd dropped the magazine. Sure I could have warned them about what I was going to do, but this was a lot more fun and it was a harmless prank.
 
Opening The Local Equestrian I start going through it and look for useful items. I don't find any pants, but I do find some assless chaps, a white shirt, and a leather vest to wear. I probably look like the cowboy in The Village People, but at least I'm no longer standing around in my boxers.
 
I pull out a couple of watering troth and a couple of salt licks. The second troth I fill with oats before setting the salt licks alongside it and figuring out how to fill the first troth with water.
 
Relying solely on my??¦ erm I mean, Merlin's magical training, I attempt to summon the water I need, carefully weaving a combination of air and dust to cause a localized rain cloud. It's a lot harder than I expect, because it called up much more power than I needed and it was hard to control it. I end up soaking myself and the ground for a couple of feet around me, but I manage to fill the troth.
 
I drop my wet gear to the side and pull out dry versions, briefly turning cloud again to dry myself off. Dressed and dry to find a camp stool and some brushes and wait for the horses to approach.
 
The Magician approaches first, she's the second smallest horse and is purple with a darker purple mane. She's a curious little horse, examining everything and trying both salt licks as well as the oats and water before approaching me.
 
I hold out a hand and let her smell me before I start grooming her. She makes pleased noises that sound almost like a human getting a massage. I get a number of hairs from her tail and mane as well as a few feathers just from brushing her. I pack those away in a small bag and pull out a fresh brush as I'm approached by The Empress, a larger pink horse with a tri-colored mane, purple, violet, and gold. It takes a little longer to groom her thanks to her larger size and I get a slightly greater amount of hairs and feathers.
 
"Can I help?" Karen asks, nearly giving me a heart attack.
 
"Sure, just be careful," I tell her, before I give her a brush and instructions on what to do.
 
Naturally Karen walks up to The Sun, an enormous white horse with a mane that constantly changes color, making it hard to tell what color it is. To my surprise The Sun kneels down to allow Karen to groom her.
 
The Moon is the same size as The Empress, but has a deep purple almost black coloration and her mane looks like the night sky, which seems rather appropriate. She doesn't make noises like the others do, but she keeps me working longer, nudging me to get certain areas.
 
I stretch a little and notice Karen is actually riding The Sun now and urging her faster as she strolls around the meadow.
 
I approach the smallest one cautiously so I don't spook her. The Fool flickers to Wheel of Fortune for a moment and I almost miss it. Maybe their arcana only stabilizes after they mature? Being the smallest and having no wings it takes little time to groom her and I actually have to replace my brush, as her pink poofy mane clogs the first one with hair. I go through two more brushes before I see the amusement in her eyes. I can tell when I'm being teased, so I purposely poof up her hair even more and she does that whickering noise that means a horse is laughing at you.
 
I noticed a pink gem in a gold setting hanging around her neck, but it's clearly magical so I leave it alone. Touching random magical items is generally a bad idea, as my seared palm can attest to. Karen's necklace left a little heart shaped scar on my right palm that it did not remove, nor did morphing.
 
Stallions are generally a lot more aggressive, so I left the horned but wingless white stallion with the azure mane for last. He's the only one who feels like a minor arcana, The Knight of Swords. I don't know if that has any significance or not.
 
As I head towards him he begins to back away until the two pink horses herd him my way. He sighs a lot like a hen pecked husband and allows himself to be pushed towards me. He's a bit larger than The Magician but lacks any wings, plus I've gotten quite good at grooming horses, so it takes me little time at all, despite the fact that his mane was a bit of a mess.
 
I have a good supply of feathers and hairs and figure I'm done, but the little pink one is staring at me and her arcana is flipping back and forth again. "Food, water, salt, and grooming," I tell her. "That's a fair trade for what I'm taking."
 
She snorts and I sigh. "Fine, give me a moment to figure out something." With magic there's a certain balance you have to maintain, so I have to pay for what I've received and apparently my current offering isn't enough, which I have to admit is true. It takes me a moment to figure out something more equitable. "OK, let's strengthen your magic," I tell The Knight of Swords placing a hand on him and calling up my power. As I enhance his magic I'm hit with a surge of healing energy as Karen calls out, "Heal," and nails us all with her amulet, trying to be helpful.
 
The Knight of Swords shudders under my hand and I copy his DNA to help calm him for a moment since I don't have a spell handy for that purpose as he undergoes some sort of transformation.
 
The Knight of Swords is now The Emperor, a major arcana. He's at least half a foot taller and has wings as well, which The Empress is examining closely.
 
"Satisfied?" I ask The Fool, who snickers at me again and nods.
 
"Good," I say and collect my bag. "Come on Karen, it's time to go."
 
"OK," she says cheerfully, running around to give all the horses a hug before we both head for the castle, entering through the open portcullis to find Eric and Bebe waiting for us.
 
"Dude, why are you dressed like the gay cowboy from The Village People?" Eric asks curiously.
 
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 6
 
 
Phoning it in: Side Story 1
 
For those that requested the MLP part of the last scene...
 
"Argh!" Twilight Sparkle exploded before slumping down in a pile of books, defeated.
 
"Are you OK, Twi?" Spike asked cautiously.
 
"Yes and no," she admitted with a sigh. "I'm fine, but unless I come up with a solution, my brother's going to die!"
 
"What?!" the young dragon exclaimed in shock. "B-but Shining looked fine when I last saw him!"
 
"I don't mean he's sick," Twilight said, "he's perfectly healthy, but Cadence is an Alicorn and immortal, and for that matter so am I, and neither one of us wants to watch him age and die."
 
"You were once a Unicorn just like him, only last year in fact, so why can't Princess Celestia do to him what she did to you?" he asked.
 
Twilight shook her head. "She put me on the path to becoming an Alicorn, but I had to do everything myself and everyone's path is different. Princess Celestia had several prophecies that helped guide her actions and she still made some mistakes. I have no clue where to even start with my brother and there is no magic I can find that would help me figure it out!"
 
"So this would be a bad time to tell you Pinkie has invited you to a party?" Spike asked.
 
"Until I solve this I have no time for parties," Twilight said before turning and running face first into Pinkie Pie.
 
"No time for parties!" Pinkie exclaimed in shock, "Are you insane?! Are you sick?! Did you develop hoof in mouth syndrome?!" she screaming in Twilight's face bowling her over.
 
Twilight got to her hooves with a groan. "I have to figure out how to make my brother an Alicorn and that's way more important than a party."
 
"More important than a party?!" Pinkie exclaimed in horror. "Sacrilege! Spike, I'll gather the villagers, you get the pitchforks and torches!"
 
"Right," Spike said, rushing off.
 
"This heresy shall not- Wait," Pinkie paused, "if I can get your brother turned into an Alicorn you can make it to my party, right?"
 
"Yeah," twilight agreed, "but good luck on that, I've been working non-stop for a week and I haven't found a single clue on how to do that."
 
"Fine, I need you to get you, Shining, Cadence, Celestia, and Luna to the Castle of the Two Sisters by tomorrow morning before breakfast," Pinkie said. "I have some preparations to make."
 
"Pinkie! I can't just order them around, what should I tell them?"
 
"Tell them Pinkie said so," Pinkie replied before bouncing off.
 
Twilight shook her head. "I can't see this going over well."
 
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
 
"The good thing about traveling with Tia is you always know when sunrise is," Luna said cheerfully to Cadence as they followed Pinkie deep into the Everfree Forest.
 
"After my second cup of coffee," Celestia agreed readily.
 
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Twilight asked Pinkie for the hundredth time. "And why can't you explain it?"
 
"Yes it will work and explaining it is kind of difficult," Pinkie said. "I'd have to explain my explanation and then I'd have to explain that and... and it would just go on forever!"
 
"How about you explain it to me and I won't ask for anymore explanations on it?" Twilight begged.
 
"Promise?" Pinkie asked.
 
"Pinkie Promise," twilight agreed, shaking hooves with her.
 
"Now the main problem with making Shining an Alicorn is that we don't know what kind of quests and personal growth Shining needs to accomplish that," Pinkie said, "thus we need someone from outside this fiction to change the context of the problem."
 
"I understood some of that," Twilight said with a sigh.
 
"As a fourth wall breaker I have knowledge and abilities you don't," Pinkie said with a shrug, "So I am going to gather all the pieces needed to attract an SI, which is someone who was taken from the other side of the fourth wall and pushed through it, and bribe him to fix the problem."
 
"And I understood almost none of that," Twilight admitted.
 
"Just tell us what we have to do," Shining said.
 
"We have to hide our cutie marks and let a strange offshoot of the ape family groom us, while pretending to have the same intelligence as a dog and keeping our mouths shut," Pinkie explained.
 
"Can I ask questions about this?" Twilight asked.
 
"Sure," Pinkie said cheerfully.
 
"Why do we have to pretend to be animals?" she asked.
 
"So we don't scare him off," Pinkie replied. "SIs can be real skittish sometimes."
 
"And why would he help us?"
 
"Because he's going to collect loose feathers and hair, so he has to pay us back for them," Pinkie explained.
 
"Turning me into an Alicorn seems like a steep price for that," Shining said, still not quite sold on the idea, as he was perfectly happy as he was.
 
"His context is different than ours," Pinkie said," so the value of what he gets will be different as well."
 
"So why are we hiding our cutie marks?" Cadence asked.
 
"So he doesn't get distracted and 'fix' the wrong thing," Pinkie said, "the last thing we need is for him to think the best way to pay us back is to start altering cutie marks. Now remember, we are just supposed to be animals so leave all books, bags, clothing, and jewelry on the trail before we reach the meadow in front of the castle," Pinkie announced.
 
"You're going to leave the Element of Laughter in the forest?!" Twilight exclaimed in shock.
 
"Nope, I'll need it to enhance my magic so he doesn't turn me into an Alicorn," Pinkie said.
 
"And it won't confuse things?" Luna asked.
 
"Maybe, but if that happens you'll all end up with new Elements and we'll simply have to try and find another way," Pinkie said as they stopped near their goal," and as an Element Bearer, Shining will age really slow so we'll have more time to figure things out. Now everypony strip!"
 
After??¦
 
Cadence nuzzled Shining causing his wings to stiffen and making her laugh as he blushed.
 
Pinkie grinned as they watched the two Alicorns frolic like foals on the trail ahead of them.
 
"Come on guys, you can play around once we reach Ponyville," Pinkie told them. "Spike and the Crusaders should have the party set up and ready for us."
 
"What's this party for?" Twilight asked.
 
"It's the first annual celebration of Shining's ascension to Alicornhood," Pinkie said cheerfully. "I put flyers up for it last week."
 
Pinkie bounced ahead to keep Cadence and Shining moving forward and not wandering off the trail.
 
"It's really best not to think about these things," Celestia told her with a smirk as Twilight froze up, her jaw hanging open.
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 7
 
 
Phoning it in 6
 
"It was all that was in the magazine to wear," I replied. Well, besides cowboy boots, spurs, and hats, none of which I needed.
 
We walked right into the end of a song and dance number.
 
"Kyle's mom is a big fat fuckin' bitch! I'm just talking about Kyle's mom, yeah!" Craig sang, ending with a power slide on his knees while doing jazz hands in the middle of the courtyard.
 
"You guys sang 'Kyle's Mom' without me?!" Eric sounded heartbroken.
 
"Not on purpose, dude," Kyle quickly assured him. "It just came out of nowhere."
 
"He doesn't like his mom?" I ask Bebe quietly.
 
"His parents betrayed the resistance and it cost a lot of good people their lives, including his little brother, Ike. We'll probably never know the full story, but considering his parents, it's almost certain his Mom made the decision and his father simply went along with it. Kyle changed his last name and refuses to speak of them, but even before that Eric hated Kyle's mom and made up songs about her. Get a couple of shots in him and he and Eric will sing them together. It's strange the kind of things that bring people together, but there you have it," she said quietly.
 
"That would do it," I agree. "Everyone read to go to the greatest place on Earth?" I called out cheerfully. I'd like to get us all some place safe before something else happens and I'd like that safe place to have running water and toilets.
 
"Disneyland?" Wendy guesses.
 
"Close enough to drive over if you feel like it," I reply surprising everyone. "I'm aiming for downtown LA."
 
"I think it was nuked," Leo says thoughtfully.
 
"The empty world I told you about. I was going to try for Las Vegas, but casinos, while entertaining, don't exactly have a lot of supplies. Downtown LA however has plenty of stores and hotels," I explain.
 
"No robots, right?" Red asks.
 
"Not unless those Terminators you told me about were invented in the mid 80's," I reply.
 
That garners a laugh from everyone.
 
"Vegas sounds cool, but I guess... Hold on a second, weren't you going to teach us to summon things?" Leo asked.
 
"That's a good point," I say. "Hunger is a good teacher."
 
"Still sounds cool," Eric says. "To Vegas!"
 
"OK, everyone get packed up and police that campfire," Leo orders, handing me my backpack and going to grab his own gear.
 
"It feels great to be able to do this myself," Jimmy says as he easily gets his gear together and then helps Karen with hers, still marveling at being able to simply stand and walk without assistance.
 
Murphy grabs my arm, and hands me the handle of the little red wagon.
 
"We'll be moving half a dozen times, not just one step," I tell everyone. "So remember to follow at each step and not wander off."
 
"Partner up," Leo orders. "One person keeps an eye out, the other watches Merlin."
 
"That works," I say, as everyone lines up behind me.
 
"All ready?" Leo asks.
 
"All ready, sir," the group choruses.
 
"Proceed at your own pace," he tells me.
 
Murphy climbs in the wagon and drops bits of bacon into the fishbowl for the fish to eat.
 
I take a deep breath and concentrate. A single step forward takes us a quarter of the way to our destination as the castle walls shift into a cave with a sandy floor. There is a rough hewn stone table filled with rows of glowing colored crystals, like a stone age Light Brite and a doorway sized disk of light on one wall showing a grocery store.
 
I take a pull of water off my canteen and stretch. Kyle grabs Stan's belt as he leans through the portal and grabs a shopping cart full of food and pulls it through the portal, leaving a confused young woman who'd just turned away to wonder where her cart went.
 
"Risky," Leo notes as the portal changes a second later to show a primitive forest.
 
The pair wince and Stan says, "Habit."
 
Leo nods, satisfied they are properly chastised.
 
"OK, next step everyone," I say. Taking a deep breath I step forward and the walls melt into rows of slot machines and the jangle of coins and chatter of gamblers fills the air. That was a bit tiring, but we're almost there.
 
"Holy shit," Red mutters as everyone looks around us, seeing dozens of adults relaxing, smoking, and gambling, a sight they hadn't seen in nearly half a decade.
 
"Last step," I tell everyone as a security guard lifts his walkie talkie to report our heavily armed group. I take a step forward and the noise of the jabbering humanity that surrounded us vanishes, leaving only the sound of the slot machines as they flash their lights and play their music to attract an audience that no longer exists.
 
"This the place?" Leo asks as everyone scans the area, taking note of the clothes scattered about and red sand covering a large portion of the carpet.
 
"This is the place," I agree. "Zero population and the utilities should keep running for... months. Maybe years."
 
Leo hands me my backpack and I take out a Sears catalog and start pulling out swimwear for everyone including myself, though the assless chaps were cooler than the swim trunks I quickly put on.
 
"By the numbers, people," Leo orders.
 
"Security office," Eric and Bebe chorus.
 
"Housing," Wendy and Stan say.
 
"Food and supplies," Craig and Red add.
 
"Normally we'd all set up a perimeter and guard against Terminators while everyone goes about their jobs," Shelly says, "but we are no longer in familiar territory and we don't need to scavenge for supplies and guard against attack, so why don't we do something different?"
 
"it's kept us safe and even if it's no longer needed it's familiar and will help everyone relax and feel comfortable in our new environment," Leo explains. "Tonight, we can discuss new procedures."
 
"Yes, sir," Shelly agrees. "Karen, Jimmy, we are no longer wounded so let's start robbing the dead. We go row by row, keep an eye out for guard uniforms as we need keys and walkie talkies."
 
"Looks like we're base," Kenny tells Leo as everyone departs, leaving the four of us standing there, five if you count the fish.
 
Leo nods and morphs into a copy of me. "OK, how does that shadow shifting skill work?" he asks.
 
"Normally you activate the potential by walking the Logrus or spending a couple of years studying magic and meditating," I explain, "but I've been trying to think of a way to shortcut all that and I think it'll work. Wanna give it a try?"
 
"Sounds good to me," Leo agrees.
 
"Excellent." I place my hand on his shoulder and focus on the potential to shift shadow that he gained by morphing me. It activates like I'm flipping a switch, taking a decent sized chunk of my energy with it.
 
"That felt weird," Leo says, shivering.
 
"Yeah, but it worked," I assure him. "Now lace your fingers with mine, palms up like we're holding something." We lace our fingers together and I can see Kenny resist the urge to use our hands for a chair. "What's your favorite type of pizza?" I ask.
 
"Hawaiian, just like my native Hawaiian forefathers," Leo assures me.
 
Murphy chuckles, amused at the idea that Leo thinks he's Hawaiian, but I keep mum. For all I know, blond haired white guys are the native Hawaiian population in his world. I've heard stranger.
 
"Try and concentrate on how this feels," I tell him as I shift shadows slowly, searching for a Hawaiian pizza.
 
"Cool," Kenny says as dark smoke seems to gather over our hands only to turn into a pizza box with Greek writing on it a moment later.
 
"Only more time?" Leo requests.
 
"Sure," I agree. "But this time a meat lover's," I tell him.
 
"Got it," Leo says with a smile as another pizza appears in our hands, this time in a metallic looking cardboard box.
 
"Why are the boxes so different?" Kenny asks.
 
"Because I was concentrating on the pizza, not the container," I explain. "You get what you want a lot quicker and easier if you only focus on the important aspect, leaving the inconsequential bits to sort themselves out." I release his hands.
 
"What should I try for?" Leo asks as we set the pizza boxes on a change machine and open them.
 
"Soda," Kenny tells him.
 
"Alright," Leo agrees and closes his eyes. It takes him nearly a full three minutes before he manages to materialize a case of cola. "It worked!"
 
"Generic?" Kenny asks as he examines a can which is simply white with blocky black lettering labeled COLA.
 
"Figured it'd be easier," Leo replies. "I was more concerned with it being cold."
 
"Not quite what I meant by only concentrating on the important bits as it's easy to get name brand as generic, in fact I think it took you more effort to get generic specifically, but making sure it was cold was a nice touch," I admit, before eating a slice of pizza.
 
"My turn," Kenny says, holding out his hand to me.
 
He quickly copies my DNA and morphs into me so I can activate his ability to shadow shift. He picks up the basics right away adding breadsticks and dipping sauce to the pile before experimenting himself.
 
Wendy and Stan returned first.
 
"Where did you guys get pizza?" he asks.
 
"He taught me and Kenny how to summon things by using it to summon lunch," Leo replies cheerfully.
 
"Cool, can you teach me?" Wendy asks.
 
"I can teach five people tomorrow," I reply. "I'm tapped out for right now."
 
"Tapped out?" Wendy asks.
 
"I can enhance a certain amount each day," I explain. "I've reached my limit for the moment, but tomorrow I can enhance five of you to do it as well."
 
"Woof," Murphy says pointedly.
 
"Or four and Murphy," I say. "Did you use the morphing cube?" I ask him.
 
Murphy grabs my hand and I yawn as he acquires my DNA. He shifts into my form with a fluid grace that no one else, not even me, has shown.
 
"You're naked," Wendy points out to him.
 
"I'm always naked," he replies easily, before taking two slices of pizza and dropping one in the fishbowl, which erupts in floating tropical fish once more as a few dozen astral fish start exploring the room.
 
"You can talk?" Stan asks.
 
"Woof," Murphy deadpans and grabs a soda.
 
"We grabbed the keys to a five bedroom suite from the front desk," Stan says, changing the subject. "It was reserved for someone named Tom Jones."
 
Leo nods. "Nice work." Turning to me he asks, "How do we shape shift?"
 
"Morphing is like flipping a switch but the feeling is similar," I explain. "Just picture how you normally look and concentrate on wanting to look 'normal' again. The hard part will be not accidentally morphing while doing it."
 
The three copies of me close their eyes and immediately morph back to normal. It takes at least half a dozen shifts before they manage to control it enough to tell the difference between the two abilities.
 
"This is difficult," Leo says with a sigh. "It's like trying to type a letter with your eyes closed while someone keeps moving the keyboard."
 
"When we acted up as kids, they'd make us mirror changes on each other to practice, instead of letting us do it the easy way with a mirror," I tell him before realizing what I said.
 
"Easy way?" Stan asks with a grin.
 
"Sorry, it's been so long I forgot," I apologize. "To be considered a master of shapeshifting, you have to be able to do it in your head on the fly, but the basic skills are easy to learn if you have a mirror handy."
 
The three walk an aisle over to use the mirrored wall while Stan and Wendy laugh. Leo returns just a minute or so later looking like a taller, handsomer version of his base self.
 
"That is so cheating," Stan complains.
 
"If you got it, flaunt it," Leo says with a smile. "And if you don't got it, go and get it."
 
"Couldn't agree more," Kenny agreed, as she showed off curves he didn't have five minutes ago, as a blonde playboy centerfold wearing a micro bikini.
 
"I honestly can't say I'm surprised," Wendy says with a shrug while everyone else agrees.
 
Murphy grins at everyone as they stare at him. He's six feet tall and covered in light blue fur. Even the fish has half a dozen projections eying him.
 
"It's the Cookie Monster," Stan says after minute.
 
"What? I like the Cookie Monster," Murphy says. "I mean, woof."
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 8
 
 
Phoning it in 7
 
"Everything's clear on the cameras," Eric reported as he and Bebe returned, wearing security guard outfits complete with weapons and radios, that they'd found in the security office. They were a little large on the pair, but the additional holsters for their personal weapons helped them fit.
 
"Dude, pizza!" Bebe said happily.
 
Leo held out a hand and concentrated on a grey mist forming above his hand that quickly turned into another pizza that he handed to her. "Meat lovers," he said with a grin as he showed off his new talent, "extra spicy."
 
"I thought it was going to take months for you to learn that," Eric said as Bebe mumbled her thanks through a slice of pizza and slapped away his questing hand.
 
"I figured out a way to cheat," I told him. "I can get you all squared away by the end of the week."
 
"That is so cool," Bebe said, as she came up for air and Leo summoned a pizza for Eric.
 
"Ahem," the curvy blonde in the tiny bikini tried to get their attention.
 
"Hey, Kenny," the pair chorused easily.
 
"What? How?!" Kenny demanded, upset they weren't surprised.
 
"How what?" Eric asked innocently.
 
"I think he did something different with his hair," Bebe staged whispers to him.
 
"It looks good on you, Dude," Eric tells Kenny.
 
"You saw us on the cameras," Kenny realizes, shaking his head.
 
"Yep," the pair reply with a grin as everyone laughs.
 
"We've got stupid amount of purses and jewelry," Shelly announces as she arrives, pushing a laundry cart filled with everything they'd collected.
 
"There is jewelry everywhere," Karen agrees decked out with enough gold and jewels to make an LA rapper jealous.
 
"It took longer to find the carts than it did to fill them," Jimmy agrees pushing a second cart.
 
"Any radios?" Eric asked.
 
"A dozen of them, but the batteries are dead," Shelly replies, brushing her hair out of her face.
 
"There are charging stations for them in the security office," Eric points out, "We can run them over there while you guys eat."
 
"Here," Jimmy says pulling a backpack out of his cart. "I stuffed all the security stuff we found in here."
 
"Excellent," Eric said. "Bebe, care to help me?"
 
Bebe turned to Leo a questioning look on her face.
 
"Go ahead, just keep a weapon handy," Leo tells the pair.
 
Bebe and Eric grab some sodas and their pizzas. "Call us if you need us," Eric says handing his radio to Leo. "Bebe's is charged."
 
"Soon as Craig and Red return, we'll head up to the penthouse," Leo tells everyone while Kenny summons more food, taking her time and looking a little winded from her efforts.
 
"Do we really need to keep carrying weapons?" Shelly asks suddenly, locking eyes with Leo.
 
"Not at all," Leo says pleasantly, completely unfazed by her behavior. "Here, hand me yours."
 
Shelly passes him her pulse rifle and a brace of grenades, but she starts moving slower as she removes her belt holster for her .45. Her eyes dart around and her grip on it tightens. "I... you made your point, sir," she says, quickly putting her holster back on her belt and accepting her weapons back, her shoulders slumping. "I won't challenge you on this."
 
"Now Shelly," he says kindly, "don't go getting the wrong idea. I wasn't making a point and there's nothing wrong with challenging me if you think you know better."
 
"Looked that way," Jimmy points out, quick to back up Shelly.
 
Leo sighs. "Any commands you want to give you have to be willing to follow yourself. I didn't know that you'd feel naked without any weapons."
 
"But you suspected it," Jimmy said.
 
"Yeah, but Shelly's also the one that could probably put them aside the quickest," Leo points out. "So if she could, maybe some of the rest of us could too."
 
Shelly sighs. "Every time I think you're doing something unnecessarily warlike and aggressive, you pull something like this and I realize I'm the one being confrontational."
 
"Yeah, but I get you Shelly," Leo tells her gently. "All you've ever wanted is for things to go well for everyone. You want it all quiet and peaceful, orderly even."
 
"Yeah," she agrees softly.
 
"But war ain't orderly," he says with a shrug, "and I am the very Son of Chaos when I feel the need to be," he says intently.
 
That line should have sounded a lot cheesier than it did. I mean, I am literally the Son of Chaos and I probably couldn't pull off that line.
 
Shelly nodded, eyes locked on his as she licks her lips.
 
The group begins to leave, pulling me and Murphy along with them.
 
"Is there a reason we are leaving those two alone?" I ask.
 
"You'll understand when you're older," Stan tells me.
 
"Should have grabbed a pizza on the way out," Karen says, picking up another gold necklace off the floor and putting it on, almost overbalancing and falling over.
 
"Let's hit the blackjack table," Kenny says. "I'll summon up some more food and we can play cards."
 
"I doubt they'll take that long," I say, realizing what was going on.
 
"You'd be surprised," Jimmy says with a sigh.
 
They leave the carts in the aisle and take seats around the black jack table, brushing red sand off the stools.
 
"Chinese food," Kenny says, as she takes the dealer's spot and slowly summons a number of small food containers one at a time.
 
"Pretty sure this one's in Russian," Jimmy says as the little red wagon squeaks up to the table, telekinetically pulled by a number of astral fish. Apparently he didn't feel like sticking around to watch the pair either.
 
"Are they always like that?" I ask, as I start making a mental list of things I need to make and considering what kind of training I should give the kids in the use of my powers.
 
"No, it's like some switch flips in their heads," Wendy explained. "Most of the time, Shelly takes care of the injured and keeps camp, leaving Leo to take care of everything else, but at least once a week Shelly challenges him and he proves he knows better than her."
 
"And then the pair go at it," Stan says with a shrug.
 
"Usually we'd have someone keep watch while they were distracted, but I believe we can skip it this time," Wendy says.
 
"Most of the time they aren't even interested in each other," Jimmy says, shaking his head.
 
I'm not getting involved in the drama of teenage love lives I decide and quickly change the subject, "How do you guys feel about learning psychic abilities?"
 
"How many powers do you have?!" Kenny demands cutely.
 
"Lots," I reply cheerfully. "Being of Amber and the Courts gives me a large amount to start and an easy way to get more."
 
"That walking thing," Stan guesses.
 
"I can't teach you that, but I can teach you how to talk to each other mentally and how to teleport to one another," I offer.
 
"I... I think I need this explained from the top," Wendy says slowly and the others nod.
 
I grin. "OK, everyone has used the morphing cube which allows them to become a perfect copy of anything they touch that has DNA. Copying my DNA gives you the very basic abilities of my people."
 
"Your people are stupidly overpowered," Kenny says.
 
"Very much so," I agree cheerfully. "If you were writing a character sheet for one of my people in D&D, all the stats would start out at nineteen."
 
"Kinda weak and squishy," Murphy says.
 
I ignore that as I've seen how destructive Murphy can be and the depth of his tracks in the sand says he's incredibly dense physically, so I probably am squishy in comparison.
 
"We are natural shape shifters, have incredibly long life spans, and a great deal of psionic and magical potential," I finish.
 
"Is the Shadow stuff psionic or magical?" Kenny asks, as she holds out a hand and summons a small squid that she immediately drops on the table with a frown and wipes her hand on her chest.
 
"No idea," I reply cheerfully. "It's probably a third thing. I can cheat and teach you shadow shifting to summon small items, but I have no intention of going anywhere near the Courts or Amber, so you guys will never learn shadow walking. Sorry, but they'd kill us all for having royal blood and not actually being related."
 
"We're royalty?" Kenny asks.
 
"Princes of the universe," I agree, wondering if I should stop in a Highlander Universe to steal Ramirez's sword at some point.
 
"Can you teach us magic?" Karen asks excitedly.
 
"Nope, that takes decades," I tell her. She pouts, but the fact that she is wearing half her body weight in gold and jewels robs it of all effect. "What I am going to do is make each of you a set of trumps, which are sort of magical playing cards that make it easy to contact each other mentally."
 
"Summon a bowl of water," Stan tells Kenny as the small squid flops around on the table, suffocating in the air.
 
Kenny manages to summon a respectable sized aquarium that she drops the squid in. "The whole shadow shifting thing rocks, though it's a little tiring." She wipes sweat off her brow.
 
"It gets easier with practice," I tell her.
 
"Plenty of food in the kitchens," Red announces as she and Craig show up.
 
"Yeah, though I'd avoid the buffets, they look like the heat lamps have mummified them," Craig says.
 
"Then why did you grab those nuggets?" Red asks.
 
"It's like chicken jerky," Craig says, "I like 'em."
 
She shakes her head. "Where is everyone?"
 
"Not even going to ask about Cookie Monster and the blonde?" Wendy teases.
 
"Probably Murphy, though it could be the fish," she admits. "And that's definitely Kenny."
 
Kenny just stares at her.
 
"I know what your ideal woman looks like and I know your eyes," Red tells her.
 
"I'd totally do you, but I hear I'm gay," Craig deadpans, before eating another mummified chicken nugget.
 
Kenny grins and summons a banana split, setting it in front of Craig.
 
"Then again you do have an ass almost as sweet as Leo's," Craig says with a huge smile as he accepts a spoon.
 
"Sorry, I'm gay," Kenny says cheerfully.
 
Craig pauses to think about that, a confused look on his face.
 
"Kenny, stop playing with his head," Wendy orders.
 
Kenny giggles.
 
"Shelly challenge Leo?" Red guesses.
 
"And Eric and Bebe are recharging radios in the security office," Wendy agrees.
 
"They gave us the all clear," Stan explains.
 
"Figured that when I didn't see anyone on guard," Red replies.
 
It's blindingly obvious that these kids need some serious mental help, of course considering what they had been through that really wasn't a surprise. I figure a nice long vacation to relax and unwind would be best before I take them to 'The People'. I'd really like to avoid them shooting anyone, or stabbing them for that matter.
 
It'd be nice if 'The People' had another name for themselves I could use, as every group calls themselves that in their native language and people generally just use the local language version of it as a new term in their own language to distinguish them. Unfortunately with telepaths you don't get a spoken version you can use, so you can't even do that.
 
Meh, that's thoughts for later, for now I needed to train these kids in the very basic of mental arts. That should help with their mental stability now and possibly their therapy later.
 
"So he's... a lesbian?" Craig guesses.
 
"Just eat your Sunday," Red tells him kindly.
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 9
 
 
Phoning it in 8
 
Everyone dropped their gear in the Livingroom and explored the luxurious suite. It had seven bedroom and four bathrooms. There was a small kitchen off to one side with a full stocked fridge.
 
I only had to throw out the milk and some fresh fruit that had gone bad. I cheated by shoving them into Shadow before summoning replacements. Shoving things into Shadow isn't a common skill, I'm not sure why. It's a bit noisier than most Shadow techniques and only works on small items, but it makes it really easy to dispose of trash.
 
Now that I think about it, that's probably why it's not a common skill, my family treats entire worlds as disposable and generally has a number of servants to take care of any trash, allowing them to be complete slobs. Nah, they probably all know it, hid that fact, and use it to dispose of evidence while going about their numerous schemes. Yeah, that sounds a lot more like them.
 
"They have cartoons!" Karen calls out excitedly from the main room.
 
Everyone rushes in to join her as she turns up the volume on the TV and A Transformer's Christmas Special plays.
 
I would have bet any amount of money the kids would have changed the channel rather than watch anything robot related, but they watched with wide smiles with only Stan and Wendy keeping an eye on the possible entrances and exits, guns casually pointed, while watching the cartoon with half an eye.
 
Halfway through the show someone knocks on the door in a certain pattern and everyone returns their attention to their surroundings. Stan moves to the side of the door and reaches over to knock three times, which is then answered by another knock and everyone relaxes and he opens the door, revealing Shelly and Leo.
 
"Dude, toons," Craig tells the pair and they quickly join everyone in front of the TV, Leo pausing to give an approving nod to Wendy and Stan, who sat a little taller afterwards.
 
"How is everything still playing if there's no people?" Wendy asks, switching seats with Kenny, who runs a quick check on her weapons.
 
"In-house programming," I explain, "motels like to keep everything in house so they can air their own ads. It also lets them charge extra and provided targeted content."
 
"Porn," Craig says cheerfully as Karen pages through the movie index.
 
"Down in front," Red orders, waving a hand through one of the fish's astral projections that have wandered in front of the screen. It circles around her hand a few times before swimming off, much to her amusement.
 
"What should we watch?" Karen asks.
 
"Something fun," Leo tells her, as he and Shelly join the others.
 
As I'm watching them I realize these kids have probably not relaxed and watched cartoons since their world fell apart.
 
It makes me doubly glad I gave them the ability to morph, as it probably took care of any cases of PTSD by repairing any neural tissue damage caused by excessive adrenaline repeatedly flooding their still developing systems. They still needed therapy, a literal fuck-ton of it, but it would be a lot more effective without them suffering flashbacks and night terrors.
 
Training them in the basics in some of the arts should be realitively easy...
 
A week later...
 
I flip through my deck of Trumps, making sure I have one of everyone. Traditionally you are supposed to hand paint them freehand on cardstock. Artistic skill is considered a mark of pride in both Amber and The Courts and is integrated in their magical traditions.
 
I'd cheated and added ground up hair from the magical pink pony to the ink in the printer, before using blank cards so all the Trumps read 'The Mirage - Vegas' on the back and had photos run through Photoshop for the appropriate finery on the front. My erm??¦ Merlin's family would probably sic the hounds on me for doing something this crass.
 
Everyone fit on the high cards with only the ace of clubs left bare. I'd printed off a deck for everyone and made an extra two decks for myself, just in case.
 
My attempts to teach everyone to use the Trumps had been really hit and miss due to how mentally screwed up the kids were, so I'd finally just cheated and enhanced their mental skills. I needed practice with my enhancement ability anyway and speaking of enhancements, any charges I didn't use on making sure they could all pull things from Shadow or use the Trumps I dumped into making everyone tougher.
 
I'm pretty sure they could all go hand to hand with a Terminator and come out on top now. I think that more than anything has helped make them all feel safer. Not that they still didn't carry weapons and set watches, they just look more relaxed while doing so.
 
"Time to go?" Murphy asked me.
 
"Just about," I agree checking one last time to make sure I have everything. "Where is everyone?"
 
Murphy waves for me to follow him.
 
We find the gang on the second floor of the mall in 'Hot Tubbics' where they are enjoying the hot tubs. Eric and Bebe are on guard in the front of the store, though looking fairly relaxed and drinking something out of little coconut cups with umbrellas in them.
 
Even in an empty world, heavily armed, and empowered the gang moves every other night, preferring not to sleep in one place for very long. Last night we ended up in this mall, sleeping in a Blockbuster's while watching a number of old comedies.
 
Leo notices me and hops out of the tub. "Going already?"
 
"It's going to take me some time to reach where I need to go and a lot of practice Walking," I reply. "It's safer for me to go alone."
 
"Ahem," Murphy growls out.
 
"With just my faithful dog as a companion," I added.
 
"Woof," Murphy says.
 
"You can contact us by Trumps if needed," Leo reminds me. "If you get in over your head, don't hesitate to call."
 
"I won't," I promise, just stopping myself from coming to attention. I am older than him by centuries and have lineage that has been worshipped as gods, yet I still find myself obeying his orders. It's more than slightly scary to tell you the truth. He is dangerously charismatic, but then after all he has gone through and what he has accomplished, it should really come as no surprise.
 
"You're leaving already?" Karen asks, having scampered over from the wading pool she'd been playing in.
 
"I'm only as far as your Trumps," I remind her.
 
"Are you sure they work across worlds?" she asks.
 
"Easily," I assure her, "that's what they were designed for. Using them while on the same world is considered incredibly lazy."
 
"Be careful," she orders, giving us both a hug, "and you remember 'When in doubt, double tap. The only wasted ammo is ammo not fired.'"
 
"I will," I promise.
 
"Remember to feed Pudge," Murphy tells her.
 
"Promise," she replies with a smile.
 
"Enough mushy stuff, we gotta go," I say, bumping fists with Leo before turning and leaving. "I'm sure I'll end up visiting you guys a bunch anyway. I certainly don't plan on spending all my down time in England."
 
Eric and Bebe give me a quiet nod as I leave.
 
Malls seem to be the favorite lair of post-apocalyptic teens, much like pre-apocalypse teens. I consider that while taking a step forward and stumble a little as I am yanked way off course by a swirling pit of chaos. That'll teach me to not concentrate while Walking. Seriously I should have known better, I mean at this point I can't reliably Walk and chew bubblegum at the same time.
 
I'm still in a mall, just not the same mall, I can tell because the shops are different and there are people everywhere, people dressed for warm and sunny weather. I spot a surf shop next to a 'Hot Topic'. It looks like I'm in California.
 
The crowds part around us as we head for the exit, but that's really no surprise as Murphy does look like a black, mutant koala. What is unusual is the way they're careful not to look at him, it's like their eyes slide off him as soon as they see him. As we step outside I know we're in California because it's on all the license plates and I see a bumper sticker for the Sunnydale Razor Backs.
 
Yeah, that explains a lot.
 
Typing by: Abyssal Angel