Title:           Fall of Cleveland 76 - And All Good Things...
Author:          Spaghetti_Land
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/5si5qC0z
First Edit:      Thursday 23rd of January 2014 02:23:04 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 23rd of January 2014 02:23:04 PM CDT

http://www.fluffybooru.org/post/view/3560
 
Written by Giant Neckbeard
 
And All Good Things...
>Be Natasha Googaluv. Formerly the pilot of the Head of Uni the Magical Unicorn, animatronics expert and currently one of the most talked about women in the country.
>Talked about in that people are arguing wether or not you're to blame for Cleveland getting clogged with Feral Fluffy Ponies. No matter how many times you told your side of the story, the shock-jocks and talk-show hosts twist everything to make you look either incompetent or downright malevolent.
>But right now, you're bashing your head against a brick wall of beauracratic bullshit and machismo-flavoured Can-Do.
>When the 'Uni Team' escaped from Cleveland, it was a near thing. Only just made it off of the bridges before the so-called 'Titan' Herds finally overwhelmed the barriers by using their own kind as ramps, and watched as Cleveland was slowly swarmed.
>One 4-wheel drive held you, sammy, Brandy, one of the Eddy Pilots and all thirty-seven of his Ex-Feral Pets from Hollywood, all of whom were sobbing and bawling their eyes out at the destruction the 'Bad Fwuffies' were wreaking on their new home.
>Everyone else squeezed into the other 4-wheel drive. You're glad you got out when you did. Another few hours, and the Military would have shot every last Fluffy you had with you to maintain their precious 'cordon of safety'.
>These guys have no idea what they are dealing with. They'll corrall the Fluffy Ponies, but the sheer volume of waste and corpses that millions of Fluffy Ponies can, and will, produce will render Cleveland uninhabitable for years at this rate.
>And if all that garbage wasn't enough, news that Fluffy Ponies are starting to try to escape ..... it'll be a Fuster-Cluck of gargantuan proportions. The Ferals will scatter, but they'll remember what happened here today.
>Any hope of the Feral Herds trusting Humans will be gone forever. It will be an endless struggle against Feral Fluffy Ponies who will lay the blame of the loss of their 'Promised Land' at the feet of the Humans who drove them out, regardless of it being just one horrible misunderstanding after another.
>Yes it'll be a fairly one-sided battle, Fluffy Ponies and all, but the devastation it could cause to farming communities and other low-population centers could cost billions in the long run! Fluffy Ponies are slow in both wits and speed, but they have a nasty tendency to pass down history to their offspring, and a few years from now, millions of Fluffy Ponies bearing a grudge against Humanity could be a problen......
>Sammy is, thankfully, off playing with Brandy the Second, the young Fluffy Pony Fillie you both 'adopted' from her dying father, the unfortunately-named Dirt in the abandoned field where the Team is being looked after by a dozen Retired Couples with their Mobile Homes.
>The rest of the Team is currently trying to salvage the situation as best they can, which basically amounts to telling all the News Vultures that if there is any complaints about Uni 'causing' this disaster, go talk to Richard Moloch, he's the bastard who wrote all the scripts.
>Thus far, it's not working, and you know why.
>Your hacker buddies pulled up all kinds of shit on your asshole wannabe-Doctor Klaw of a Boss. Connections to the Russian Mafia, importation of explosives, massive insurance policies on strategic sections of Cleveland as well as dozens of Swiss Bank Accounts and mansions in many of the countries around the globe that prohibit extradition.
>Oh, and don't forget the whole 'College-House Oath' he has going with three of the biggest Congressional Heavyweights in the fucking Country! No wonder every time to mention "R. Moloch" in the same breath as "Criminal" or "Treason" you get thrown out on your ass!
>Told the nearest important-looking Soldier with a suitable amount of brass on his chest you knew who was causing all this mess ... and promptly got thrown off the 'base' for being a nuisance.
>You had to tell them, try to get them to change tactics! Something was wrong here, there was all this shit going down, and all they were focused on was the God Damn Ferals.
>Offered to build a second Uni suit and try to 'lure' the Feral Herds out of the city so the Military could start to push in.
>Offered Sammy's in-depth experience on Fluffy Pony Psychology to help them 'break' the Herds' will to fight.
>All you got was a 'GTFO', Hoo-rah style.
>FOR. THREE. FUCKING. DAYS. STRAIGHT.
>And now, whenever the wind blows south, all you can smell is rotting Fluffy Pony Poop and smoke.
>Twisting columns of smoke and ash pouring into the sky, the sounds of fire-alarms going unanswered and the occasional ratta-tat-tat of the Military firing upon exposed Herds with their machine-guns.
>And the occasional Looter/Abuser, from the sounds of the reports.
>And then .....
>"Miss Google-uveh?" A skinny, nearly-bald soldier asks, almost right in your ear, making you nearly drop your lap-top.
>"Jesus wept! Don't you people ever just go 'Hey!' like a normal person?" You shout, jumping away and whirling in place. "And it's 'Ghul-gah-louv'."
>"Yes, Google-uveh. Right, the Officers will see you now. Please follow me, this is a Military Operation and a Civilian wandering around in a secured area could be considered .... hostile." The soldier replies, mangling your name again without batting an eyelid.
>Follow him, grinding your teeth and biting your tongue.
>However you managed to get somebody to take you seriously, you're not screwing it up now to sort out some jar-head.
>It's a bewildering rush through crowds of Soldiers, Army and what looks like Air-Force too, and dodging getting crushed by fork-lifts and trucks ferrying crates full of ammunition back and forth.
>There's a gap between the river that surrounds Cleveland, where anything short of a house has been torn down and bull-dozed away, so that there's nothing between the Military's encampments and the Fluffy-Besieged City itself.
>Jesus ..... Perimeter your ass. This is a Field of Fire, plain and simple. If it has Fluff, you bet there's snipers putting a round through their heads with a team of soldiers bringing buckets of ammo to keep the slaughter up.
>Finally ... that's one big-ass tent.
>Get patted down, glare at the name-mangling asshole as his hands linger a nano-second longer on your ass than necessary, and get hauled into a meeting straight out of a Hollywood Mockumentary.
>"Alright, Miss Goopalump, you've been pestering the sentries for days now, what's so important I have to stop planning an attack to retake the first American City taken by a hostile force in .... forever, for one civilian?" One of the Officers glares at you, enough brass tacked to his chest to stop a tank-round.
>"Agreed. We've better things to do. There's enough crackpots trying to sell us on ways to clear out these little critters without some TV Celebrity trying to get her shot." A second mutters darkly.
>Jesus wept, everyone is blonde, pale skinned and has crew-cuts.
>Where's the damn camera? This has to be some kind of setup.
>"Alright, you're busy, fine. I have the information on the guy who set up Spaghetti Land." You begin, resisting the urge to inform them how to say your name properly. "The same guy who has bought enough explosives off the Russian Mafia to wipe the better part of Cleveland off the map. The same guy who has an insurance policy on the properties surrounding the Spaghetti Land Theme park. The same guy who hired me and my team to do a series of adverts that clearly identified for the Fluffy Ponies the best route for one of the densest populations of Ferals in the Country to follow Uni the Unicorn to Cleveland with minimum casualties."
>Now they look decidedly less surly. The Officers are sharing look, raising eyebrows, leaning forwards towards you.....
>"And one more thing: I've lived and breathed Fluffy Ponies for the past three years. I know how they work, what they want most, and how to make them do what I need them to do." You say, flipping open your lap-top. "When we made the Uni the Unicorn Show, we designed it to be a show that would target, and hook, every Fluffy Pony who saw it. We made a television show that completely dominated it's time slot. The Uni Team is at your complete disposal, and we can use all the knowledge we have, all the techniques to get Fluffy Ponies to listen to us, to help you get into Cleveland and contain the situation with a minimum of fuss. No leaked images of Military Brutality. No friendly-fire incidents. No more collateral damage to the town from tank shells or bombs."
>Hold up the USB cable hanging out of your lap-top.
>"Anybody got a port handy so I can share this around?" You ask wryly, before a dozen I-Pads get shoved your way.
 
**************************************************************
 
>Standing with an Officer just behind the Command Tent, gritting your teeth.
>They listened to everything .... thanked you .... and then said they were going ahead as planned.
>Asked you to wait outside, and that was twenty minutes ago, before this guy stormed out.
>"So .... big old BBQ no matter what." You mutter darkly, staring at Cleveland as one of the Titan Herds streams through some riverfront properties, screaming and yelling to each other as their 'Herd' is broken up by the houses.
>Fluffies brawling and scrambling for position as the weaker members are squashed against the fence so that the stronger ones can use them to climb into the Yards and eat the gardens.
>"Miss Googaluv, I don't have long. This is very important, so I need you to listen to me, keep your voice down and stay very quiet." The Officer says quietly, standing at your side and gazing over at the Fluffy Titan Herd, holding a small device in his hands and holding an unlit cigarette to his lips. "We would dearly love to pursue these leads. The Military would be estatic to attempt to avoid a future PR Disaster for being 'blamed' for turning the only other speaking, intelligent species on the planet against Humanity. And I'd love to stop sending my boys into that city to blow up targets that are the effective mental level of a toddeler, if that."
>"Unfortunately this turned political faster than any other engagement I've been a part of. The Conservatives are screaming for blood, the politically-aligned news channels are running an endless campaign to ruin the President's image to up their ratings and what's worse, is that American cannot be seen to be weak in this situation." He takes the cigarette away from his lips, shaking the unlit cigarette as if to remove ash, and brings it back to his mouth. "Realise this : The entire world is watching. If we cannot show that the Army is fully able to repel any invader from our home country, we'll appear weak. The other Powers of the World will start to wonder if they can start to snatch territory, and they will do it, given half a chance. Thousands of my brothers-in-arms could die if that happens, and the country I swore an oath to uphold and defend would be crippled."
>"But what does that have to do with ..." You start to say, before the Officer, quickly and without expression, kicks your shin.
>"Be quiet, we're being watched." He grunts, glaring out over the water. "I've got a white-noise generator running in my other to mess with any long-range microphones, but they can still read our lips."
>Jesus .... is he serious? But that would mean that there's spies around here?
>"But the bigger problem is that the man you've brought us the information on is tied to two Congressmen who have an inordinate amount of leverage with our current Chiefs of Staff. Moloch goes down, he has enough dirt on them to cause a scandal that would turn Capitol Hill into something out of a Jerry Springer show. And the Congressmen would, in turn, drag down more people in turn. It would be like a house of cards in a tornado. We'd lose what little cohesion we have in the Political Arena and we'd be open season for espionage, let alone the economical damage from investors giving us a wide berth until it all blows over." The Officer gives you a meaningful look. "Personally, I hate politics, but I've learned, as all good Soldiers do, to keep an ear to the ground. And since there's little else I can do, here's the skinny."
>"You, and all your Fluffies, need to get out of Cleveland before midnight tomorrow." The blond, short-haired Officer sighs, crushing the filter of his cigarette in frustration. "After that, any and all Fluffy Ponies that are not registered to Humans within the Ohio State will be under legislation that defines them as an illegal, invasive, hostile species. The Troops will have no choice but to destroy them on sight. Hell, everyone, Military or Civilian, will be, by law, required to terminate a Feral Fluffy Pony on sight."
>Blink and stare at the Officer. There's certainly no law against owning scores of Fluffy Ponies, but with Cleveland locked down tight and thousands of displaced Clevelanders clogging up the surrounding districts and filing complaint after complaint ... there's no way to get to the relevant authorities and complete the paperwork.
>"I .... this is all just so wrong. T-thank you." You whisper, staring down at the ground in shock.
>"Don't thank me." The Officer sighs, throwing his unlit and now completely mangled cigarette into the lake. "My daughter loves going down to the park in Toledo with her own Fluffies and feeding the Strays, making sure they have some love in their lives. It's her way of coping with me being away for months at a time."
>"Now she's going to watch every sick bastard and 'Patriot' in the state come out and chase the damn things around and butcher them in the streets, with the full backing of Congress, if not the President." The Officer mutters darkly, heading back to the Command Tent. "Get out of Ohio, Miss Googaluv. There's nothing anyone can do anymore to stop this."
 
**************************************************************
 
>Be Brandy ....and you're so tired.
>Have to look after so many Fluffies. And almost entirely on your own.
>There's the Nice Herd that lives with your Two Mummies' Friend. They help a little, but they are also very silly. Expect to be fed all the time, and don't like to mix with the other Fluffies.
>There's the depressed Fluffies who were adopted by the Nice Wrinkle-Faced Hoomins who have learned that Cleveland has been over-run by Bad Fluffies. They know how to help, but they're so unhappy about not being able to see Uni or eat Sketti that they lie around and mope all the time.
>And there's the Other Fluffies who keep coming from out of the wilds, shouting about 'Sketti Wand' and 'Uni' and 'Safe Pwace!' and making all the Hoomins mad at every Fluffy.
>They keep trying to make you come with them. They keep trying to make all Fluffies come with them. Shouting and shouting and shouting, yelling at you to come, crying out that Uni isn't so far away, why won't you come with them!
>Hoomins have to drive them off with their Sorry Sticks, although the Nice Hoomins try to grab the Fluffy Mummas and Mares with Foals so they don't have Owies. And those often have Stallions who won't leave their Special Friends alone.
>Lots of Fluffies to look after. Sooooo Tiring. Because you're all alone now. None of your Herd is here. And Your Mummies are apart a lot now, and that makes them sad.
>Mummy-Sammy hugs you a lot. Says that Cleveland is going to be a very bad place for Hoomins and Fluffies for a long, long time. Wants to go away, but says that Mummy-Tasha is trying to make the other Hoomins understand the Other Herds.
>Mummy-Tasha is trying to make the Hoomins with the Green Fluff and Scary Toys understand Fluffies, but they don't want to. If the Hoomins understand the Other Herds, then nobody needs to give Owies or have Saddies.
>The Green-Fluff Hoomins seem to like giving Owies and Huwties to Fluffies and get very angry when they see you and the New Herd you are looking after. Wrinkle-Faced Hoomins have had to stand up and block the Green-Fluff Hoomins from attacking you, and everyone was so scared.
>But you and the few Fluffies you have managed to get to help you manage to keep everyone together. Safe, for now, at least.
>Can't run around and play outside the circle of Moving Safe Places and Moving Box Munstas, have to stay inside so the Other Herds can't steal you away and take you from your Hoomins.
>Can't poop everywhere, can only poop in the one place so Hoomins don't get mad and the Safe Place smells pretty.
>Have to share the Toys, so that everyone can have fun.
>You're escorting a dozen Fluffies back to the Hug-Pile in the center of the Safe Place when Mummy-Tasha finally comes back, looking pale-faced and sad.
>"Gu bawk tu Huggies-Piwe, haf tawk tu Mummy." You say, leaving the Fluffies to rush over to Mumma-Tasha.
>"Mummy, why wook so Saddies? Bad Hoomins nu pway wit' yu 'gain?" You ask softly as Mummy-Tasha bends down, picks you up and gives you Big Huggies.
>"No, sweetie, they spoke to me today. Mummy .... Mummy and all the Fluffies here need to leave. Now." She whispers as she walks over to the heart of the Safe Place, where all of your Mummies' Friends are waiting, with some of the Wrinkle-Face Hoomins. "Guys ... we need to leave. Now. The Military is going all out soon. Any and all Fluffy Ponies in the region that aren't registered as pets are to be ....." Mummy-Tasha looks at you and sobs, giving you Super-Big Huggies until you squeak.
>"Scorched Earth, isn't it." One of Mummies' Male Hoomin friends replies bitterly. He's the Daddy of the 'Don't-like-other-fluffies' Herd. "They're going in on foot to eliminate everything. The Channels are full of people gloating about it."
>"And it's not just the Army. By Law, if we see Ferals, we'll have to destroy them ourselves after Midnight Tomorrow. If you want to keep your Fluffies, we have to leave the State as soon as we can. Come midnight tomorrow, Fluffy Ponies become an illegal species in Ohio." Mummy-Tasha says now, sounding stronger. Angrier. "Seems our "dear" friend, Moloch, has deeper tentacles than we thought. I showed the Officers of this camp all the information ... but they can't do anything. Moloch goes down, apparently so does a big old chunk of Capitol Hill..."
>"So, what, our mystery Douchebag gets to saunter off into the sunset, and we have to go back and grovel for our jobs?" Another of Mummies' Male Hoomin Friends asks angrily.
>"No. I think it's because nobody can find him. He's disappeared right off the radar, as far as I can tell." The 'Director' Hoomin replies bitterly. "Hence why the News-Hounds won't get off our asses. They can't find the heads they want to roll, so they're settling for us."
>"Whatever happens now, the Show's over, isn't it?"Mummy-Sammy replies with tears in her eyes. "No way we'll get backers for a new variation of the show after all that's happened."
>"Maybe, maybe not." Mummy-Tasha replies, smiling suddenly. "Anybody got any complaints about emigrating to Canada for a few months?"
>Chorus of confused "Uuuuuh....." from the other Hoomins.
>"We've got the team-work, we've got the Fluffies, and we've got the tech." Mummy-Tasha says, her smile getting bigger and bigger. "Maybe a show based on actual Fluffies, rather than a Super-Star, would be a hit."
>"Well, shit, it's not like we've got a hell of a lot of options. But we'll need funding ..." The 'Director' looks over the other Hoomins, who are all nodding or whispering to each other. "I don't know about you guys, but when we left Hollywood, I sank most of my funds into a new house in Cleveland .... and that's gone to the dogs, er, Fluffies now."
>"Well, thankfully Tasha and I have a few million stashed away, thanks to our 'Dear' Douchebag, Richard Moloch. I think we'll be able to get us up and running in a few weeks, while we train our Herd here to be the Very Best Fluffies." Sammy offers, tapping a finger to her lips as she puts on her best thinking-very-hard face. "American Markets might not be so hot on Fluffies, but the English, Australian and European Markets certainly don't have anything like Uni or Fluffy-TV."
>"We is Vewy Bestest Fwuffies! We pwomise!" The Don't-Like-Other-Herds-Herd and Former-Feral Herd both cheer loudly, waving their tails proudly in the air.
>You are put down with the other Fluffies while the Hoomins start to excitedly babble to each other, talking about 'rights' and 'passports' and 'untapped markets'.
>Big, big Hoomin words that make no sense to you. But that's okay.
>You are Brandy the Second, and you have a Herd to take care of.
>It's tiring work, but it's what your Daddy, Dirt, trained you to do.
>And you will be the best Fluffy Helper you can be, for him.