Title:           Anon Is A Douchenozzle And Basically Kidnaps A Horse
Author:          LilMissMatches
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/924Sd1Cy
First Edit:      Sunday 29th of May 2016 01:10:15 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Tuesday 31st of May 2016 10:02:07 PM CDT

>Anon was just browsing
>Welp, /mlp/ was full of shit
>’Anon, I shit on your rug’
>’Sweep sweep sweep’
>’Sweep Sweep Sweep’
>’Swep’
>Fuck, these people are autistic
>There was even some bullshit about obvious my little dashie-esque green bait
>She sighed, deciding to flip on over to the super-secret board full of lazy writefags
>Some faggot actually re-posted the Dashie bait
>”Fucking… Are people really that strapped for ideas? Really?” she huffed to herself
>Fuck it
>She clicked into it and read through
>Option one was to go to horseland, fit in, get no pussy
>Eh, not like she got any anyway
>Option two was to basically kidnap your waifu for some My Little Dashie shit, but more sex
>Each had their own catch
>She entertained the idea for a moment
>”Twilight would probably make a good horse wife,” she muttered to herself
>”I gotta stop talking to myself…”
>She then remembered that she was disorganized, whereas Twilight was very organized
>She’d probably lose her shit when Twilight told her to keep her toothbrush at a ninety degree angle or something
>Maybe… Luna?
>Nah, she held on to things
>It’d probably be pretty easy to hurt her feelings, even if  the alicorn was good at hiding it
>Celestia?
>Nope
>Gotta keep that ‘ew sunbutt’ meme going
>Adagio didn’t count as a horse, plus she’d probably get Anon into a life of crime, somehow
>She’d read enough green to know how that song and dance goes
>That left Sunset
>She was a horse once, so she probably counted
>Anon thought over those personality traits
>Smart, reasonably easy going, even tempered, can be firm when she needs to be
>Plus, she was pretty hot by cartoon standards
>”Sunset Shimmer and option two.”
>Post
>Now that she’d thrown her two cents in, she opened up another tab
>Time for porn
>The question was, did she want her porn in words, pictures, or video?
>Horses or humans, too.
>Pictures seemed pretty good
>e621.net
>Living alone, she was practically naked already
>She also found that lying in bed with her laptop was the optimal shitposting position
>Setting her laptop down, she sat up to remove her tanktop
>She then arched her back against the bed to bring her hips up so she could remove her panties
>Go time
>Well, it would have been
>There was a slight problem
>A slight, orange, furry problem
>One that had landed directly on her chest with a flash of light and a poof
>Anon just sat there, bewildered for a moment
>Then she screamed
>Then the horse currently laying on her boobs screamed
>In the confusion, Anon ended up tossing the small creature across the room
 
>”Hey!” the furball shot
>Anon was having none of it
>She chucked the nearest non-valuable item at the creature
>That just so happened to be her panties
>They landed on the small horse’s muzzle, quickly earning a bright red tint to her cheeks
>”Get the hell out of my room!” Anon demanded, quickly throwing her tanktop as well
>”Hey, stop throwing things! It isn’t like I asked to be here! I don’t even know how I got here!”
>Anon’s drawer was opened and the woman quickly cast her favorite spell: Dildon’t fucking look at me naked
>Eh, the name could use work
>The rubber phallus flew through the air, landing close to the pony
>”Stop throwing things at me for two seconds! And put some clothes on!”
>This quickly devolved into a shouting match between the two
>In hindsight, Sunset probably should have just left the room
>It would have been easier that way
>There would have been less emotional trauma that way
>As well as physical, seeing as Anon deemed it necessary to end the dispute by throwing a glass soda bottle at the strange creature, who she more or less figured out was a sentient horse that closely resembled Sunset Shimmer
>Just as she prepared to throw something else, she realized that there was blood
>Quite a bit, actually
>”Oh god!” she gasped
>Did she kill it?
>Would that count as murder?
>She didn’t wanna take a chance on that, so she quickly stood up, clothing be damned
>”Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Are you alright?” the woman asked, getting down on her knees to better inspect the equine
>She only got a groan and a trickle of blood in response
>Well, she was alive, at least
>”Fuuuuuck,” she half growled, half whined
>The poor thing looked like a dying puppy
>Actually, shit, it was probably a dying horse
>Anon grabbed her, somewhat like the way one would carry a baby, holding her head
>She set the mare on her bed, putting her tanktop under her head
>She had to at least try to make sure the blood didn’t get everywhere
>Next up, she probably had to stop the bleeding, somehow
>She briskly half-jogged into her bathroom, quickly finding a roll of gauze
>This should work
>Back to the room
>Gauze in hand, the baseball star wannabe ran back and quickly went about wrapping the gauze around her “guest”’s head
>She carefully moved the oddly familiar mane out of the way, lest it be caught under the gauze and consequently soak up some blood
>It wasn’t the best job when she was done, but it would have to do
>Honestly, she didn’t even know if it was that serious
>She seemed to have gotten knocked out, though, so that was probably bad
>”Fuck!” she huffed
>Ice would probably help, now that she thought about it
>That was a thing people did for head injuries, right?
>Out into the kitchen she went
>Sandwich bag
>Ice cubes (crushed, of course; cubed ice was for those of lower status than she)
>Anon dumped them into the plastic bag, wrapping it in some paper towels
>She knew from experience that a bare icepack sucked
>She made her way back to the room, gently placing the pack on the little pony’s head
>There
>Anon totally should have went for a medical career instead of bartending
>Speaking of bartending, a drink sounded good
>So did learning who this thing was, where it came from, and how it got here
>Clothes should probably come first, though
 
>Sunset Shimmer groaned, rolling onto her side
>Fuck, was she uncomfortable
>Her head hurt
>There was a cold spot on her forehead
>And these blankets were too damn soft
>Seriously, no one needed blankets this soft
>What the hell was even in these things?
>They weighed a shit ton, too
>The unicorn grumbled to herself, nuzzling into the pillow and trying to sleep a bit more
>Wait a second
>This pillow wasn’t hers
>Nor did she have fingers with which to play with the pillowcase until she got up
>Oh. Right.
>The weird… Thing, happened.
>But what exactly was the thing?
>And where was that crazy bitch with the candle holder!?
>Sunset sat up quickly
>This was not a good thing to do, seeing as the little blood she had left in her skull quickly flowed out of it
>She almost blacked out
>The woman-turned-mare laid back again, groaning
>She let out a low moan of “Owwww…”
>After a moment, Sunset tried sitting up again
>Slowly
>So far so good
>It didn’t take long for her to properly sit up
>The unicorn looked around the room, simply observing her surroundings
>It seemed like that lady had cleaned up her mess
>The dildo was put away, too, thank goodness
>The walls were colored a faded sea blue, with the occasional chip in the layer of paint revealing the white surface beneath
>She looked forward, where an electric piano of some sort sat
>Judging by the objects and clothes scattered on it, it was a passion long lost
>Below her, on the floor at the side of the bed, sat the woman’s laptop, connected to a charger
>Odd room setup, she thought to herself
>A lava lamp sat on a dresser across the room, to her side and adjacent to a closet
>Upon that dresser was a mirror
>Nothing too flashy, just a cheap mirror with plastic edges
>It still confirmed what she had already guessed
>For some reason, she was a pony again
>But she was in the human world, from what she could tell
>Well, at least this lady had bothered to make sure she didn’t really get hurt
>There was some gauze and an icepack
>Rather crude medicine, but she supposed it worked
>Sunset laid back, gently poking at the icepack
>Pretty fresh; hardly any ice melted
>A glance to the window told her that the sun had gone down
>So it’d been changed at least once
>Odd.
>Her stomach rumbled, not only confirming that it had been a while since she’d been hit with the candle holder, but also telling her she needed to eat
>Slowly and (not very) steadily, she stood up, making sure not to step on the laptop
>Sure, there was a slight grudge there, but laptops were sacred
>To harm another’s laptop purposefully was a heinous crime
 
>Sunset stepped closer to the door, upon which was a note
>”’’Went to work, help yourself to whatever. Sorry for the candle. <3’’”
>Well, at least that crazy bitch she knows she’s in the wrong, she thought to herself
>Now there was the task of opening the door
>She couldn’t reach the handle with her hooves; she seemed only just a bit bigger than a large cat
>She doubted hooves would work well with a round knob anyway
>It was just out of reach for her to use her mouth, too
>Fuck
>The unicorn huffed to herself and sat
>She wasn’t even about to try magic with a head injury, either
>That was a big no no
>”Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck,” she groaned
>This woman better get home soon
>Meanwhile, at Anon’s workplace
>”PUT THE HAMSTERS DOWN, SIR,” she pleaded
>”Ffffuck you! Ish my hammie!”
>Anon had to defend herself with a plate as the patron chucked a wriggling, squeaking ball of fluff at her
>How the hell he’d managed to smuggle in a basket full of hamsters was beyond her
>And to top it off, no one bothered trying to stop him
>Most were just filming this man throw hamsters at her
>”Sir, please! Just put them down and we can talk it out!”
>He put the basket down, alright
>”Go, my minions!” he cried, kicking it over
>About 25 to 30 hamsters now ran free around the bar
>Anon hated work sometimes
 
>Anon, with scratched up hands and a strained psyche, entered her house
>”Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” something groaned from her room
>Probably the horse
>The woman sighed, wondering if the creature had hurt itself
>”You alright in there?” she called, setting her purse down and removing the tie she wore
>There was some shuffling as Sunset called back, “Let me out! Also, bring an apple or something! Water would be nice too!”
>Anon’s heart sank and her face began to heat up
>She’d totally locked that thing in her room
>For about nine hours
>Fuckle
>”Uhhh, I don’t have apples right now! Took the last one to work, is a pear okay?” she asked
>Luckily for both of them, Anon had come to terms with the fact that this thing could talk a while ago
>While Sunset was knocked out
>So this exchange was easier than trying to process a talking horse and feed her at the same time
>It also ensured that I didn’t have to write that scene, because I am lazy and personally find the “holy shit you’re a horse, wow, you shouldn’t be talking” thing to be overdone
>You’re welcome
>She’d also gotten a semi-good idea of how Sunset got there
>Assuming it is Sunset, of course
>If not, the thread lied
>Or this was completely unrelated and she probably needed some meds
>”Yeah, just any sort of fruit! Water, too!”
>Anon filled up a glass, only to realize that Sunset might not be able to use it
>Would she take offense to being brought a bowl?
>I mean, they could use cups in the show
>Assuming this is Sunset, of course
>But still, she couldn’t get past a door…
>Bowl seemed like the best option
>She dumped out the water from the glass, switching it out for a bowl
>Anon approached her bedroom and opened up the door
>There was Sunset, sitting eagerly in front of the door, waiting for the food and water to be given to her
>She’d taken the icepack off, and she looked better, so at least she had that going for her
>The gauze was kinda cute, in a weird way
>She set the pear and bowl of water down
>Anon got a bit of a dirty look, probably the bowl, but Sunset just went for it, pear first
 
>”So… You, uh… Were you comfy?” Anon ventured to ask
>Another glare from the small, orange ball of fluff and cute told her that the answer was no
>”Okay… How about your head? Feeling any better about that?”
>Sunset simply continued to glare at her
>”I’m sorry?”
>The pony dragged her water bowl and pear into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her
>About fifteen seconds went by, and just as Anon stood up she finally got something out of Sunset
>”I can’t open the door,” she poutily admitted. “Could you open it for me?”
>”What the magic word?” Anon sing-songed
>”I’m going to smash your laptop if you don’t open this door.”
>The door opened up pretty much immediately
>Sunset just gave a smug smirk, picking her bowl up in her mouth and dragging it out into the hallway
>”Hey, where’s your bathroom?”
>Anon once again took note of Sunset’s small size
>Well, she wasn’t about to offend her further by suggesting she do her business outside
>”Right down the hall,” the woman answered, pointing out the room
>”Thank you,” Sunset responded
>The pony proceeded to dump out the contents of her bowl on Anon’s shoe before making her way to the bathroom
>”Hey! What the hell was that..!” she trailed off, knowing full well what it was for
>In hindsight, she kinda deserved it
>Sunset made sure not to close the door this time, for obvious reasons
>”Get out of the hallway!” she demanded, trying to clamber onto the toilet
>Ponies couldn’t jump very well
>Oh, she was happy she didn’t have a pegasus waifu
>Her being able to fly would have ruined her fun
>”Yeah, yeah, sure thing.”
>As Anon walked into her bedroom, Sunset managed to climb up
>Cute little shit
>Anon took her shoes off first, chucking the now wet sock to the floor
>Off came the other sock, and she went straight for her dresser
>She hated being barefoot with a passion
>Grabbing a pair of black socks, she sat on her bed and slipped them on
>Judging by the sound of the toilet flushing, Sunset had successfully used the bathroom
>All by herself!
>Well, at least Anon wouldn’t have to help with that
>She was out of her work clothes soon after, now wearing her “shitposting gear”
>A pair of pajama pants covered in an assortment of Jack Skellington heads and a white tanktop
>She believed her shitposting powers came mostly from the NMBC pants, due to the emo-class meme magic within the fabric
>Plus, it was from a movie she unironically enjoyed
>Double the shitpost power
>The white tanktop was there to cover up her jiggly bits
>She sure as hell wasn’t going to wear a bra when she didn’t have to
 
>Sunset hopped down from the toilet
>Fuck, everything was big here
>Well, it was more likely that she was small
>But still, it sucked
>She walked by the stranger’s bedroom, where she was currently undressing
>Sunset continued walking
>She wasn’t gonna watch or anything, you perverts
>Out into the kitchen she went
>It looked nice enough
>Where the hallway ended it had a bar dividing itself and the living room nearby
>Really weird house setup
>Now Sunset was presented with a problem
>Did she want to check out the kitchen, or did she want to go sit in the living room?
>She certainly wasn’t about to talk to Miss Candle
>She chose the living room, which was horribly furnished
>Literally a love seat, a lamp, a shittily built coffee table, and a bench that the TV sat on
>Sunset hopped up on the love seat, glancing over to the kitchen
>Lots of drink-making stuff
>It was like this was sims and she blew all of her cash on stuff to make drinks
>Blenders, that one Arcane Projectile thing, shakers, etc
>She also needed to clean her house
>Some wrappers to snacks and stuff were strewn around the counter, dishes needed to be done
>”Hey,” the woman said as she stepped out
>Sunset just gave her the silent treatment, pressing the power button on the remote that rested on the arm next to her
>”What, not gonna talk to me? You’re kinda stuck in my house for a while.”
>And the woman was right
>Sunset would probably be snatched up as soon as she went outside
>Since she lived as a human for a while, she knew exactly how things went when magic was involved
>She didn’t even have to know about the thread’s “rules” to get that she couldn’t go outside normally
>”I’m still mad at you,” Sunset finally stated
>There weren’t even any good channels
>”Hey, I said I was sorry. You kinda just appeared in my room, what was I supposed to do?”
>”Well, you could have just not thrown stuff at me, for starters.”
>”I wasn’t quite used to the talking horse thing yet, gimme a break.”
>”Hmph.”
>Sunset went silent again
>”Why aren’t you freaking about me talking, anyway?”
>”I did already. While you were out. Why do you talk, anyway?”
>”I just can. Besides, I was human once. Well, pony once, then human, and now I’m a pony again for some reason.”
>”Oh. ‘Cause that makes sense.”
>That earned another silence from Sunset
>Anon just sighed, getting on her tip-toes to reach the top of her fridge and grabbing a box of something
>Streusel cakes
>”Fine, fine, I won’t pry into the talking thing. Or the fact that you are a bright orange unicorn, and therefore should not exist. You want a streusel cake?”
>More silence
>Anon just threw one at the pony, which hit her in the shoulder
>”Hey!” she snapped
>”What? You didn’t answer, so I just decided that you wanted one,” she answered, grabbing herself one of the cakes and standing at the bar
>”Quit throwing stuff!” she barked
>Actually, the thing looked kind of good
>But she wouldn’t eat it in front of this woman
>To do so would be to let her know Sunset actually did want one
>”Alright, I got it. You don’t like to catch stuff.”
>Anon opened up the plastic wrapping, setting it on the counter next to her and taking a bite from the cake
>Oh, sweetness
>It was moist, and had that slight grit to it
>Almost like it wasn’t done cooking
>But she apparently liked to eat a bunch of stuff raw, so she was all good with that
>Then there was the small bits of cream cheese at the top
>If one could masturbate to cakes, she would masturbate to these
>Anon swallowed her bite and spoke up again
>”So, what’s your name? I’m Femanon, but you can call me Anon. Or ‘Nonny. Whatever you want, really.”
>”Sunset Shimmer.”
>Well, there was a red flag
>So, she really was from the thread, unless Anon had finally made that tulpa
>She very much doubted that she made the tulpa
>”Sunset Shimmer. Alrighty then. Anyway, where are you gonna sleep?”
>"I'm taking your bed. You get this thing tonight."
>"Aww, what? You don't wanna cuddle?"
>"No, not really, no."
>Anon huffed a little, "Alright, fine. I'mma go brush my teeth, then you can just head into my room. I'm going to bed. I have to open tomorrow, so you get the house to yourself."
>With that, Anon headed for the bathroom
>Sunset stretched out a bit before clicking the power button on the remote again, hopping down from the love seat
>She decided she’d clean up around the house while Anon was at work
>Only the areas she’d be in regularly, of course
>Sunset sure as hell wasn’t about to touch anything in that girl’s room
>This was all assuming she felt it was safe to use her magic in the morning, of course
>No magic?
>Can’t even open a door
>Fuck being cat-sized
>The unicorn stepped into the bedroom, only to find that she was unable to get up on the bed
>Sunset huffed, sitting on her haunches and crossing her forelegs in a rather human-like pose
>She glanced around, looking for anything she could climb on to get into bed
>Nothing
>Anon didn’t have much for furniture, or decoration
>That plan failed
>Well, she wasn’t sleeping on the ground
>Nor did she want to ask this woman for anything else
>Not until she’d gotten over the candle thing, anyway
>Wait, why was she so caught up on being hit with a candle, anyway?
>She was a pony again
>Her friends didn’t know where she was
>She didn’t know where she was
>With all this in mind, the candle thing didn’t seem so bad
>She still didn’t want to ask Anon for more than she had to, though
>She could swallow some of her pride, but trying to swallow all of it was like asking the internet not to make porn of something
>Fluttershy tried that once, it didn’t go well
>Sunset took a deep breath, sighed, then turned to the door
>”Anooon?” she called
>Meanwhile, in the bathroom
>Anon just looked in the mirror, toothbrush in hand
>The whole situation was starting to process for her, too
>”You have a fucking horse in your living room,” she said to her reflection
>”A horse named Sunset Shimmer. Who should be human, but isn’t. For some reason. Don’t get off topic! You’re in some weird shit!”
>She went silent for a moment, crossing her arms
>”Well, it isn’t like you chose to have her appear… Kind of. Unless you want to buy into the meme magic thing all those guys writing are going on about.”
>”You’re talking to yourself again. You should see a psychiatrist.”
>Her little monologue was cut short by Sunset calling her name
>”What?” she called back, putting some water into a cup with which to rinse
>”Could you…” the mare trailed off
>Nope
>She didn’t wanna ask
>She kind of had to, though, unless she planned to sleep on the floor
>”Could you help me on to the bed? I can’t get up.”
>God, that was harder than she’d expected
>Had Rainbow’s weird obsession with looking cool rubbed off on her?
>She hoped not
>Rainbow was annoying as hell sometimes
>Anon, however, couldn’t help but snicker
>This proved to be a bad thing to do when one had a mouth full of water
>She began to choke on said water, mixed with a bit of her toothpaste
>It burned a little