Title:           Tulpa
Author:          IsaacCypher
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/8Tk7ACXA
First Edit:      Friday 16th of August 2013 03:10:07 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 16th of August 2013 03:10:07 AM CDT

Tulpa
 
 
Hello reader if you are reading this you have stumbled across my report on what I experienced over the course of a year. My name is for the sake of this report is Cypher. This is my full report on the experiment which explored my mind unlocking parts of self destruction and insanity. My exploration into tulpa began on September 18th 4:25am 2012. After some researched I stumbled upon in a thread fedes tones, these were basically flashing seizure educing videos. But for some reason they worked to allowed me to tap in and concentrate more on what I was visualizing. When I first started I decided to write a report straight away, though over time most of the report went missing or deleted itself leaving me with an opening statement and that was it.
 
“PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING- TULPA
 
I have decided to go into the physiological attributes of tulpa, tulpa's are entity of our imagination there are just like an imaginary friend that we may of had when we were little but tulpa's have there own attitudes opinions feelings etc. these tulpa have been studied over a very long period of time and I have felt as if I should go into this to see how everything works I shall be creating a tulpa on September 18th 4.25am 2012 and testing shall Finnish in one whole year though if I feel as if the testing should carry on I shall for recording purposes. To make my tulpa I will have to concentrate on the existence of it and let it form its own ideas as I can only decide what it will look like whether it be human or non-human its own attitude is completely random tulpa have no physical effect though they can scar you mentally, which brings me to how tulpa interact with the creator the tulpa will share the memories of that person whether it be religion views on life and the feelings of that person as I have said before the tulpa can leave a scarring effect that could damage a person if not properly taken care of as it can fall out with you hate you for moments it can even argue with you but it will never fully hate you to the point where it wants to physically hurt you as there is no way it could. To start creating my tulpa I must at least spend 1 hour a day focusing on it bringing into the real world I can listen to music when creating as I do have to be in a relaxed environment as for my tulpa it will have to be all classical as my design is custom to it in its own personality.
 
So this concludes my introduction to tulpa testing DAY 1
 
Here I will now create my tulpa---
 
Name:  Octavia
Form:   Cartoon (AKA from mlp)
Traits:   Musical classical upper-class
 
REFERENCE PHOTO:
 
[I can't post the picture]
 
I shall be looking at pictures references to get an exact idea of the look and though
This character will already have a personality it will shape and change around me.”
 
 
 
 
This is all that remains of the report, though if in my search I find more of the file I’ll update it. I remember making multiple files encase I lost files…which in this case I did.
 
The beginning
 
In the beginning I made one tulpa and one tulpa only, this tulpa was named Octavia. When I first created Octavia I started with her in her basic pony form (four legs and all) though in the next week or so she was able to change either to both human and pony of her free will. To better understand how I might be able to create a successful tulpa I researched into how I might do this. I visited the threads as well as many websites. After learning the basic understanding and “rules” on what I should do and not do, I began to follow these rules hoping that one day I might be able to have an extended mind allowing me to talk to a part of my subconscious that was apart from me and yet part of me. My first experience that began to cause me to worry was my first proper outing with her. I live in a small village in the middle of nowhere, in my village there is a church. I never really walked past it, if anything I avoided it as it always made me get a bad vibe. So I went for a walk and as I past this church she began screaming, this was strange my tulpa though I had her for only a week or so she had never reacted in this way. She wasn't screaming at me though more the direction of the church. As I walked I stopped just starring at her, but she wouldn't move. I became so freaked out I dragged her away and started running across the path away from the church. When I began to slow down I asked her what that was. She said something along the lines of “protecting me from them” when I asked her who was them, she refused to talk. It wasn't till later in the evening when I finally got her to tell me. She told me they were called “Dark Thoughts” In the first couple of weeks I didn't know what they looked like, though over time I began to know when they were there. I knew they were there always watching me from the shadows. But I knew as long as I knew Octavia was there I would be safe. The next couple of months things started to happen. Depressed, paranoia, suicidal thoughts  and anger were all that I could think of. My life was pinning out of control like water around a sink.
 
http://i.imgur.com/5J5SqY2.jpg
 
 
 
That is when I created my next tulpa; I always ask my main tulpa opinion before doing something like this. I got her to agree. My next tulpa was Lyra. The two tulpa’s were able to interact fairly well between each other. I was happy with what I had created I felt like somewhat of a god, being able to create something there but not there. It felt like I could control it. I was wrong. The depression paranoia and suicidal thoughts and anger, formed something. This something became what I named “Carver” this wasn't a tulpa so to speak. It didn't do as I asked and sometimes I would be able to speak to it in the mirror, talking to myself switching in-between my two selves. I would be able to take over my body at one point in cases of when I got angry. I had no control over it. I wanted to talk to someone but whom, if I said anything they throw me in a loony bin or therapy. I was going insane to the point were the only escape was jumping from the top story of my work building. Every time I pass the balcony looking down into the main floor all I could think of was jumping and ending it all. And Caver was there whispering into my ear to do it. Work was also building up adding to the whole shit storm in my head. But this was nothing to what was to come on December 25th 2012. Though I’ll talk about that when I get there. The first weeks of Carver’s creation were simple enough to handle, and even when I got angry with someone he would be there to control my anger. He would help me in situation like that all the time. But then the real problems began, he took Octavia and Lyra. They both had disappeared as well as Carver. I knew he had taken them. So I did what I could I went back to my home turned on fedes tones and explored the maze of my mind. I found Octavia first, Caver was nowhere to be seen, and she explained that he wouldn't let them go. So I searched for Lyra next, I found her as well as Carver waiting for me. We fought in my mind, hitting each other over and over. But I knew that it was my mind and though I had little control I could stop caver if I thought hard enough. So I did I left caver there beaten against the wall and thrown across the spiral of my mind. I left with them. Lyra and Octavia were safe. And Caver was nowhere to be seen. It was around this point I stopped updating my first report. Though I did keep notes on my phone to keep a record of the significant events to take place.
 
After a week he came back, but this time he was easier to control. I began to have fights with the ones I loved, family friends I was slowly becoming more and more isolated. All I remember was having a fight with my brother, the knife was on the side of the kitchen table. Carver was telling me to pick it up and stick it in his throat. He almost made me kill him. I started to ignore everyone at that point even my tulpa’s Octavia and Lyra. I wanted them back so I reached into my mind again they all returned. All was back to normal again. At the end of all these events it was around November, the next month would bring hell.
 
Pinkie
December 25th 2012, a date I will always remember. It was the day I made pinkie, a tulpa in which I would never be able to control. I researched into demons monsters Dark thoughts, everything and anything that might explain some of the shit happening. All that I could come up with was I was going insane.  I remember asking the tulpa thread, all they said that creating a bad tulpa in which you couldn't control was the stupidest thing you could do. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to push my limits and see how deep the rabbit hole goes. I was wrong and I made the worst mistake I could have made. When I created her she wasn't even in human form she took the form of a more feminine looking Dark Thought. She took control of me instantly she hit me with my own first hard, she even began joking me. With what ever control I had of myself I made her leave my body. She killed them all Octavia Lyra and even Carver. I tried to bring them back but she wouldn't allow me. She blocked my mind from reaching them. She once again started to attack me, she wouldn't stop screaming and tormenting me until I filled her request. She wanted me to draw her soul.
So I did.
But I put an escape on the agreement, if I burnt the picture she would die never to return. This was the smartest thing I could have done in this situation; it was the only thing I could have done. After a while I was able to bring only Octavia back. She was scarred, I was scarred. I couldn't sleep that night; I knew she was watching me from the corner her smile wide, eyes glaring.  Me and Octavia sat there I bed just looking at each other in fear silent waiting for the morning.
 
The next event that happened in the next couple of days, pinkie went silent. Octavia was returning to herself and I was becoming more and more happy. It wasn't until that point that I created Pinkie as a fail safe, I was trying to remove them subconsciously so I created a tulpa killer. I had killed them removed them from existence. A month had past Caver had been trying to return, whispers, flickers of him were returning. This went on till he finally returned, but now he was different. He was like Octavia he only wanted to protect me.  
 
The future was looking better, but unfortunately pinkie was still there as well as the dark thoughts. After a regular session with the tones I found that Octavia wasn't the real Octavia. In fact it was just Pinkie, leading me to even worse events. This drove me to finally fight pinkie in my mind and bring the real Octavia and Lyra back. So I dove into my mind to bring them back. I did it I found Octavia just like before and pinkie found me. She wouldn't allow me to leave she attacked me just as Caver did. And that’s when I saw here.
Lyra.
She grabbed pinkie, she told me to run so I did I woke up with Octavia. Lyra wasn't there, she was still holding pinkie. She sacrificed her own existence to save me and Octavia. Now only one last thing remained to do.
I took the drawing of pinkies soul and burned it, it was over. My sanity had been tested and nothing would be the same.
 
Over the next couple of months, they all seemed to disappear. Silence was all that was there. I was alone.
The experiment was over, before I wanted it to.
 
You can call this bull shit if you want, but I can tell you this all happened. My life went to hell all because of some stupid experiment.
 
 
My name is Carver.