Title:           That one thing with Anon and the Crystal Empire Crew
Author:          Errant-Tome
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/ZFhXeZZb
First Edit:      Friday 27th of March 2015 09:49:32 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Friday 27th of March 2015 10:54:31 PM CDT

[ayy note: This was a series of unconnected oneshot requests that spontaneously grew a continuity. The first one was an experiment in using only dialouge, and as such may be confusing to read as a script. So, I have thrown all artistic integrity to the wind and haphazardly jammed in some script tags for anyone that isn't Anon or Shining, who do most of the talking anyway.]
 
"Shining, just... stop wiggling around, it's making it worse."
>"And do what? Just sit here while that hole-filled temptress takes over the empire? Nothin' doin', man."
"While I appreciate your enthusiasm, the more you struggle, the closer this goop seems to pull us together, and I'm already about 6 inches away from inadvertently entering your wife."
>[Cadence]:"He's not joking, dear."
>"And just |why| aren't you wearing any pants, anyway? I thought you said your kind usually wore full clothing most of the time."
"Well, now you know why I said 'most' of the time. Also down to five inches."
>"But to a party with some of the most influential diplomats from all across Equestria?"
"Hey man, you've got to be selective in what manner of garments you can manage to put on when being rushed out of your room with a killer hangover. I figured I'd be sitting down behind a table most of the time anyway. Also, related note; you'll probably want to restock your wine cellar sometime soon."
>"How much did you drink?!"
"Like, half of it, I think."
>"You drank |half| of my entire wine cellar?"
"Well, yeah, last night. Went through most of the other half this morning."
>"This is ridiculous. Completely ridiculous"
"I know, pony wine is so weak."
>"I |mean| the fact that Chrysalis can just come in here and capture all of us without barely lifting a hoof, after we've already defeated her once and |should| know exactly what to expect from her entire |one| tactic of disguising as an influential pony to get the drop on us!"
"Yeah, you two are actually pretty bad at this whole country ruling thing."
>[Cadence]:"Hey!"
"Oh come on lovebutt, the only reason you're actually in charge of this frozen, angular dump is because your cutie mark happens to be an exact rendition of the centuries-lost artifact that's central to this place's existence. Four inches."
>[Cadence]:"Well I mean- actually, that is kind of a strange coincidence now that you say it out loud."
>"We can discuss my wife's credentials at another time, preferably sometime |after| we figure out how to get out of this mess that |you| got us in!"
"How is this my fault?"
>"Oh, I don't know, how about the fact that once Chrysalis dropped her disguise, you sauntered your pantsless self over and asked her if she 'knew enough dudes to fill all those holes'?"
"Hahaha, oh man, I totally did. Maybe pony wine isn't as weak as I thought."
>"And once you were very promptly captured, things sorta went downhill reeeally quickly."
"Well maybe if somebody had invented actual |guns| sometime in the last century, one of your guards could have just blown off her stupid, non-knob-gobbling head, instead of ineffectually waving around those halberds, which I don't think I've ever actually seen them use ever. One inch."
>"Didn't you skip like three inches?"
"No, your incessant jostling did, because now I'm pretty well ready for action."
>"Oh for- |how| do you have a boner because of this?"
"Look, man, I was into some pretty weird shit on the internet before I came here. Ever hear of goo girls?"
>"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell us |all| about it."
"Well what else am I supposed to do while trapped with you two, |not| regale you with all the intricacies of the bizarre sexual deviancy of my world?"
>"Yes!"
"I- hm. Actually you might have a point there, doing that might exacerbate our current problem here."
>[Cadence]:"Well I wouldn't call it a |problem|, now that I get a good look at things."
>"Cadence!"
>[Cadence]:"What? Don't I get to have fun sometimes?"
>"Well not like |this|!"
"Yeah, don't worry about it. I can fuck you |after| we escape."
>"I'll fuck you ya son of a-"
>[Cadence]:"Whooaohoh!"
"Aaaand there we are. Captain, we have successfully completed docking procedures."
>"Gaaahh!"
"Haha, keep it up, Shiny! I think the goo is responding and moving us back and forth now! You're |literally| making me fuck your wife."
>"I'll kill you you dang jerk-ass piece a changeling crap!"
>[Cadence]:"Ooohhh... Shining..."
"Hell yeah, man, work it! Use my dick to fuck your wife!"
 
>[Chrysalis]:"Well, Captain Shining Armor, have you come to a decision on whether or not you'll- what in the world are you three doing?!"
"He started it."
>"|You| started it you ass!"
"And if you'll kindly resume struggling I'll be able to finish it. Come on man, don't blue ball me here."
>"You won't have balls by the time I'm done with you!"
"Aha, there we go, thanks. Just gimme... come on... that's it..."
>[Cadence]:"Ohhh, don't stop Shiny!"
>"Graaaaaaahhh!!!"
>[Chrysalis]:"...You know what, keep the empire. It looks like you've got it worse than I could ever make things for you."
>"Chrysaliiiiiiss! Come back here!!"
"Yeah, join the fun! There's enough of me and this goop for everybody! ...Hooauhoohoho! ...Actually, you might need to wait like, five minutes."
>[Chrysalis]:"...Yeah. Order the troops to fall back, we're out of here."
"Well, your loss. ...Hey, how about that? I think I just saved the Crystal Empire. And all I had to do was fuck your wife. Speaking of, how ya holding up?"
>[Cadence]:"Hoo... Hah... Boy... I hope interspecies breeding is an impossibility."
"Yeah, me too. How about you, Shiny? ...Shiny?"
>"I wonder what the Crystal Empire's laws are on public executions..."
 
---
 
"Hey Shiny, have I ever mentioned that shit always seems to go weird when we're together?"
>You bring your fist down on top of another large, black shelled crab, forcing it into the sands.
>"Yes, only every time we've been together."
>A translucent magenta shield bashes another away from the unicorn controlling it, sending it reeling into a crowd of a hundred more that advance on the two of you.
"Well that's because things always seem to go weird."
>"Then it's implied and doesn't need to be said!"
"Jeez, alright Mr. Grumpy."
>The air sings as sharpened steel cleaves another of the chitinous creatures in two, courtesy of the large broadsword in your other hand.
"Guess we'll have to reschedule the surfing. Shame, we spent so long planning this trip."
>Shining rams an energy construct broadsword of his own into the head of another crab creature.
>"Who's 'we'? I came here with my wife to be alone and you just |showed up| with a surfboard! I don't even |like| surfing!"
"Which I feel is a severe character flaw on your part, that I was hoping to rectify today. It just fits you so well."
>"I don't see why."
"Something about your voice, I think. Anyway, speaking of your wife, where's she at? She alright?"
>"I'm fine!"
>A pink alicorn zips overhead, pursued by several crabs with thin, buglike wings.
>She pulls back into a loop, firing a pink beam at the creatures upon getting behind them.
>They instantly pair off and start making out, falling to the ground.
"I didn't know crabs could kiss. Or fly, for that matter."
>"Crabs usually aren't giant and full of holes, either."
"Yeah well things are a lot of things in this crazy world of yours."
>A wall of magic scoops up a dozen of the creatures and hurls them into the air, where a series of flying blades hack them apart.
>"Would you just shutup and concentrate on fighting?"
>You shishkebab a third crab onto the end of your blade, before hurling the lot at another group with a swing.
"Shining I feel as though you're mad at me for some reason."
>"No, what reason would I have to be mad at you? You only crashed a relaxing personal vacation, somehow bringing with you an army of mutated shellfish!"
"Hey, I didn't bring these bastards, they showed up on their own!"
>A crab lunges at the back of Shining, who was preoccupied with trampling another.
>You fling your blade through the air, spearing it through the middle and knocking it to the side.
"In fact I daresay you're lucky I showed up to help."
>"Who brings a broadsword to go surfing, anyway?"
>A large claw clamps onto the leg of your swimming trunks, and you promptly cave it's head in with your surfboard.
"The kind of person that always seems to get in weird situations when around a certain pony, as I have previously alluded to."
>You make a leap to retrieve your sword, landing nearer to Shining.
>The horde advances, pushing the two of you back to back.
"Is this because I accidentally fucked your wife that one time?"
>A crab explodes into gooey shrapnel from the force of Shining's sword swing.
>"No! That has nothing to do with this!"
"Then why are you suddenly more mad?"
>"Because you |also| bring |that| up every time were together!"
>A crab leaps onto your chest, but you punch it into the ground and kick it back at the crowd.
"It left an impression on me. You should take it as a compliment."
>"I'll leave an impression on your face!"
>"Uh, hey guys?"
>You both look up, to see Cadence nervously pointing towards the roiling ocean.
>The turgid waters soon part and reveal a tremendous black crab creature, easily ten times larger than the rest.
>It has a murderous gleam in it's green eyes, and a jaunty tilt to the small black crown on it's head.
>"Is it just me or does that giant crab look familiar?"
"Chrysalis? Why are you a crab now?"
>"I have no idea! I'm just as confused as you are!"
>Her massive claw comes down, crushing several changecrabs in the area the two of you occupied before jumping clear.
"Then could you stop attacking us?"
>"No!"
"Alright fuck you too then!"
>Shining fires a few bolts of magic at the beast, but they only bounce harmlessly off her carapace.
>The other claw swings down on him, again nearly crushing him.
>Deftly, he jumps onto the arm and runs up to her back, slashing at her joints with his blade a few times.
>Watching him gives you an idea.
"Lovebutt! Aerial support!"
>Cadence nods, and swoops down towards you.
>You grab hold as she flies past, lifting you high above the two battling beings.
>Once you feel you're at sufficient height, you let go of her arms and aim your blade downwards.
"Shiny! Damocles!"
>"Alright fine!"
>His horn glows with power, and soon more energy constructs appear around your blade, until they shape a massive version of it in your hands.
"Hey Chrissi!"
>"What?!"
"Get bent!"
>The blade pierces her shell dead center, tearing all the way through out the other side.
>With a few death gurgles, she succumbs to the injury and collapses into the shallow water.
"Hell yeah!"
>As Cadence lands nearby, you can't help but notice Shining giving you a peculiar look.
"What?"
>"'Get bent'?"
>You shrug.
"I couldn't think of anything crab related."
>Cadence taps her chin in thought for a second.
>"Not even 'prepare to be turned into a crabcake'?"
"Ah shit, that would have been perfect. Oh well."
>"Regardless," Shining starts, "now that... this... has been dealt with, I'd like to get back to relaxing with Cadence. So go away."
"You're welcome for killing the big crab bitch, by the way."
>"Yeah, thanks, whatever. Please leave."
"I take it that's a 'no' on having a second go at your wife as gratitude, then?"
>"Get outta here!"
 
>After you refused to leave, Shining and Cadence eventually took off themselves.
>You sit alone on top of the giant dead Crabsalyis, watching the sunset.
>The sound of chitin cracking draws your attention to a spot on the creature's back, where a normal sized and shaped Chrysalis breaks free, choking and sputtering.
>"Well... that was an interesting experience."
"Oh hey, you're not dead. How about that?"
>"Nice to see you too, human."
"You did try to kill us, you know."
>"I tried to kill |them|, actually. The only thing I have against you is your alliance with those two lovebirds."
"Fair enough, I guess."
>"And to be honest, the way you incessantly bother Shining Armor is... appealing, to me."
>You stare blankly at the bug-like pony.
"Wanna have a go, then?"
>"Should I turn into Cadence first?"
"If you want."
 
---
 
>"I still can't believe you talked me into this."
"Hey man, you've been sorta tense lately, I figured you needed to blow off some steam."
>"While I appreciate your concern, I was more referring to the two fiddler crabs we dumped a pile of guard armor on back at the palace."
"Trust me, I've done this before. No one will ever know the difference."
>"Ignoring how |completely wrong| that statement is, why did you even bother? I can put in for an official leave of absence. I'm the |captain of the guard|. And also a prince, come to think of it."
"Look, just don't worry about it, I've got everything handled. You just enjoy yourself on your day off."
>"...Fine. Where are we going, anyway?"
"Right here."
>You both stop in front of an unassuming storefront, carved into one of the giant crystal formations near the edge of town.
>"...Crystalline Caverns? What is this place?"
"Follow and find out."
>The two of you enter the tunnel, and after a short walk, find yourselves in a hollowed out cavern of sparkling crystals, packed with arcade machines of every description.
>"...Huh. I didn't know the empire even |had| arcades."
"Neither did I, to be honest. Found it a while back. Now come on, let's have some fun."
 
>"Darnit, that's the fifth time you've beaten me! I used to be good at this game, I swear."
"Don't beat yourself up too much, I was something of a master of the sticks back home."
>"You know... I hate to say it, but I think I'm actually enjoying myself. Because of something |you| did. It's... strange."
"Hey, come on man, you know I always got your back."
>"I'd start listing all the evidence contrary to that statement, but I'm in too good a mood right now. How'd you say you found this place, again?"
"A recently acquired friend told me about it. She should be around here somewhere, actually."
>"She, huh? You finally find somepony?"
>Shining playfully nudges at your side while you scan the arcade.
"Something like that."
>"Well, anything that might keep you from bothering me quite as much is fine by me."
"Ah, there she is. Hey Chryssi, over here!"
>"...Chrys– no, you didn't."
>A familiar black-coated bughorse heeds your call and approaches.
>"Hello, human. ...And Shining Armor."
>"Anon, are you insane?"
"What? Why?"
>"She tried to |kill| us last time we saw her!"
>"Only a little."
"Hey, that's all water under the bridge now. In fact, part of the reason I brought you here was so Chryssi could apologize for all that mess."
>"I don't recall that being part of the bargain, human."
>You lean over and speak out the side of your mouth.
"Shutup, just do it."
>"...Very well."
>Chrysalis composes herself and turns back towards a rather irate Shining Armor.
>"I am sorry for trying to overthrow your kingdom several times, in order to turn it's people into a living source of sustenance for my own."
>There is a pause, in which you give her a nudge.
>"Also I apologize for trying to kill you, your wife, and the human while you were on vacation at the beach."
>"|He| wasn't invited."
>"But in my defense at the time I was a little hopped up on crab pheromones or something, I'm not really sure. It was a strange time for all involved parties."
"There, now we can all start over. Isn't friendship m–"
>"Anonymous if you finish that sentence I swear I will ram my horn through your chest. And it doesn't really work like that. One not even |remotely| heartfelt apology doesn't really make up for her crimes."
"Well, no one said forgiveness happened overnight. Besides, the two of you will have plenty of time to make amends once she moves in at the castle with me."
>"She |what?!| You were |serious| about that?"
"Of course I was! The hell you take me for, some kinda cheap floozy that skips town after a one night stand?"
>"Anon, you |can't| be in a relationship with Chrysalis. I won't allow it."
"Would you rather I fuck your wife again?"
>"Stop bringing that up!!"
>"Is he still salty about that?"
"Like you wouldn't believe. I could run a salt mine out of the palace if I wanted."
>"I can't believe I thought for a single second you weren't out to make my life a living Tartarus."
"Oh don't be like that, Shiny. This is a situation where everyone wins."
>"|How| is it anything like that?!"
"Because, you no longer have to worry about your greatest foe trying to murder or overthrow you at every possible chance, and..."
>You point both arms at Chrysalis as she shapechanges into Princess Cadence.
"...I can fuck your wife whenever I want!"
>"...Right, that's it. You're getting the horn."
"Hey man, I said I wanted to fuck your wife, not yo– hurrnngfff..."
>"Yeowch."
 
---
 
"Alright, 3, 2, 1, go! ...Shit."
>"I don't see how you keep losing. They always pick scissors. |Always.|"
"Easy for you to say, you've won every game so far with your stupid rocks."
>"That's because rock is all I |can| pick. I don't have hands."
"Whatever, this was a stupid idea anyway."
>"Didn't I say exactly that when you first suggested it? In fact, why did I even |agree| to this after saying so?"
"Because no one can deny bro time."
>"I mean even besides the fact that none of this makes any sense, I hate you. I should not spend nearly as much time around you as I seem to end up doing."
"Bro time transcends such pedestrian concepts as 'hatred'."
>"Actually, didn't I put out a restraining order against you coming around me or my wife anymore?"
"Bro time transcends such pedestrian concepts as 'restraining orders'."
>"In fact, being that I'm still captain of the guard, I can just arrest you myself."
"Come on, Shiny, would you really arrest your best bro?"
>"I would. In fact, I'm doing it right now."
"Aah, hey, not so rough!"
>"Stop resisting!"
"Don't taze me bro!"
 
>"They're at it again."
>"It was inevitable. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. Your husband does seem to hate the human quite a lot."
>"Speaking of that, don't |you| hate the both of us?"
>"What gave you that idea?"
>"Inferred from the numerous times you've attempted to either overthrow our kingdom, kill us, or both in either order."
>"Right, those. I suppose I did, or still do. I'm not totally sure."
>"How can you not be sure of something like that?"
>"Well I highly doubt we would have this many get-togethers if we all really hated each other."
>"Are you saying this is a 'mutual tsundere' situation?"
>"Is that really a thing?"
>"A surprisingly common one, actually."
>"Hm, maybe. That or some kind of external forces are at play."
>"...Why are you looking at– oh, you think– No, I'm not using my magic here. I don't think it even |works| on your kind. Or Anon's, for that matter."
>"Well, I hope you don't blame me for being suspicious."
>"No, it's fine. I get it all the time."
>"Hm. ...Looks like the human got away."
 
"Liberate the Crystal Empire!"
>"I'll liberate your face from the rest of you! Get back here!"
 
>"Your husband has some strange comics."
>"Huh? I though these were Anon's."
>"Well I didn't bring them."
>"...Where did these |come| from?"
 
---
 
"Hey Twilight, you like my new duds?"
>"Not now, Anon, I'm trying to– are those my books!?"
>You strike a pose, the pages of the many tomes sewn to your person crinkling slightly.
"Shit yeah, you like? You would not believe how drunk I had to get Rarity before she agreed to do this."
>The shock and confusion on her face show the difficulty she has thinking of a proper response to the situation.
>"But... why? Books are for reading, not wearing."
"No, books are for nerds. Like you. You're a nerd."
>Some of the confusion leaves her, replaced by standard curiosity.
>"...So you're saying you're wearing a nerd suit?"
"Ghfd– no!"
>And now a sly grin comes about.
>"That's what it sounds like to me. You like nerd stuff so much you made a suit in their honor."
"Fucking hell, you're getting smarter about all this."
>"You've given me plenty of practice. Now please leave me be, I'm very busy."
>Twilight returns to her workstation, poring over several magical tomes.
>With no other plans for the day, you hang around, peering over her shoulder at the indecipherable magic gobbledygook.
"Yeah, what with?"
>She is hesitant.
>"...A problem."
"What kind of–"
>The front door flies open, and Applejack strides in.
>"Twilight can I borra a– oh, howdy Anon. ...Are you wearing books on yer clothes?"
"Are you wearing apples on your ass?"
>"How does... wut? Nevermind. Can I borra a hammer?"
>"I'm out of hammers," Twilight replies without turning around.
>"Darnit. How about a stepladder?"
>"Out of those too."
"Did you check Hammers and Ladders?" you interject.
>"Yep, they're fresh out too."
"Weird, they're usually overstocked."
>Applejack pokes her head around the corner of the doorframe, outside.
>"Didja get the stuff?" asks Applejack.
>"Nah, she's out too," replies Applejack.
>"Shoot. Well, we'll make do. C'mon."
>Applejack follows Applejack out of the library, shutting the door behind her.
>The silence is crippling.
"...Did you clone Applejack again?"
>Twilight is silent for a moment.
>"...Maybe."
"Fuck's sake purp. You know what happened last time."
>"Yes, I do, I was the one that had to clean up. So many apples..."
"Then why in the name of your bootyblasted buttbombs did you do it again?"
>"She said this time would be different."
>"It's never different, Twilight."
>"I've come to terms with that. Now they won't stop raising barns all over the place."
"I thought the town looked more rustic than usual on the way over here."
>The book in focus is flipped shut as Twilight turns around.
>"Alright, I found the De-Appleing spell I was looking for. If you feel like being useful today you can help corral up some of the Applejacks so I don't have to chase them down as much."
"Yeah sure whatever."
>You open the door to find the town infested with hundreds of Applejacks, slicing one another up with broadswords held in their mouths.
>"There can be only apples!"
>"That don't make sense, apples is a plural form of– hgurk!"
>"Oh no, we're too late!" frets Twilight, "The situation has already reached the Highlander Point."
"Fuck, not again. Man, things escalate quickly around here."
>"Sometimes I wonder why I even try."
"So do I."
>While surveying the chaos, you spot Shining Armor and yourself skateboarding along nearby.
>"Nice day for a skate, eh bro?"
>"Anonymous, the entire town is embroiled in some kind of battle for superiority among magical clones of one of my sister's friends! How is that a 'nice day for a skate'?"
>"Hey, at least it's a change of scenery from that boring crystal wasteland you call a kingdom."
>"How did we even get here? Ten minutes ago I was relieving the stress of the day with my wife."
>"Yeah? She do that thing I taught her?  You know, the thing with the–"
>"My horn missed your heart last time, Anon. It won't miss again."
"...Hey, Twilight?" you ask.
>"Yeah, Anon?" Twilight responds.
"Is that your brother and myself skateboarding through town?"
>"I believe it is."
"And did they just run into a pair of crabs, also on skateboards, and now are evidently gearing up for some kind of radical skateboard battle?"
>"It seems they are."
"Okay, good. Just wanted to make sure my eyes were working properly. I've been having this problem lately, where everything I see is insane."
>"You too?"
>The other you thrusts his board into the air.
>"Victory! I am the king of the streets!"
>"Anonymous, that was not a legitimate contest. That was you beating two crabs to death with a skateboard."
>"And how is that not a 'battle of the boards'?"
>"When your opponents do not have the capacity to understand the concept of skateboarding, much less use one with their tiny rigid bodies."
>"I gave them a fair chance."
>"You yelled 'board battle' the second we saw them and started wailing. I don't think they even knew what was going on. Not that they ever did, considering they're crabs."
>"Hey man, don't be hatin."
>"Hating you is all I do. ...Twily? Is that you?"
>Shining and the other you approach, boards under arm.
>"Hey big brother. Since when did you skateboard?"
>Shining looks down at the ground, shaking his head. "I don't know, honestly."
>He tosses the board away, before finally looking up at you and doing a double take.
>"Oh no, there's two of you now?"
"Apparently so. How are you doing, Shining?"
>"Well, that depends. Do you exist for no other purpose but to annoy me?"
"No, I exist for no other purpose but to annoy your sister."
>"Hey!" interjects Twilight.
>"Then I'm good."
>"Hey cool, glad to know Shiny's sister has a bro like me," the other you affirms.
>He reaches over the unspoken divide and puts an arm around you, pulling your two faces uncomfortably close, even though they were both your own.
>"So, you fuck her wife yet?"
"I, uh. I don't think she has a wife. Twilight, do you have a wife?"
>"Not since last I checked, no."
>"That's a shame. You should get one. So he can fuck her."
>"...I'll keep that in mind, thanks."
>Shining just sighs really hard.
>At that point, a pony making siren noises with his mouth rides up on another, larger pony that wore a flashing light on his head.
>"Everybody freeze, Ponice!" shouts the rider while dismounting. "There's been reports of severe butthurt in this area!"
>"Complete colonic catashrophy," adds the other.
>"Officer Power bottom and I have been searching for the serial bottom befuddler for months, and this may be our best lead yet.
>"We've pumped every back alley vagrant and bar bathroom tosser we could find for information."
>"We're going to have to write the posterior pulverizer a citation."
>"Actually it's more of an invitation, back to our place."
>"We will need to interrogate the cavity crippler first hand, by way of forensic recreation."
>"You're gonna do to one of us what you did to them, except less metaphorical and more literal."
>"The rump rustled party is free to accompany us, for better identification of the orifice obliterating offenses."
>"Also if he wants to tag in."
>"The process will be long, hard, and without breaks, but afterwards we may take you out for a night on the town to make up for it."
>"There's this place we know, called the Rough Rider. We go there a lot. It's a gay bar."
>"Yeah, but don't let that turn you off, the drinks are fabulous."
>"The drinks are gay."
>"And that's right up our alley, so to speak."
>"We're gay."
>"Damn right we are. C'mere, you."
>The two uniformed stallions throw all inhibition to the wind and begin making out in the middle of the street as the rest of you look on.
>Finally able to formulate words again, you lean over to Shining.
"I didn't know Equestria had an active police force."
>"It doesn't. I don't know who these guys are."
"Curious. What do you think, Twilight?"
>"...Hm? Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
"Were you doing that thing where your brain shuts down in the presence of obscene stupidity?"
>"I think so? Probably."
"Lucky."
>"Boy, this takes me back," reminisces the other you.
>"How can this possibly take you back?" inquires Shining.
>"Well, check it out. You see that strapping young lad over there doing a deep cleanse of his partner's backside?"
>"I'm really trying not to, actually."
>He leans down, one arm over Shining, the other aimed forward at the current display of debauchery.
>"Well, imagine one of them was me, and the other was your wife."
>"Of course."
>"And imagine that prodigious piston of pleasure currently in action was not that of a horse, but of a human. Because I am a human, and I have a human dick. Which I used to fuck your wife."
>"Okay, I get it."
>"And though it may not be as extravagantly sized or shaped, it's the expertise behind it that left your wife begging for more, thoughts of it's dexterous might at the back of her mind every time she had to deal with her one-pump chump of a husb–"
>"That's it!"
>The other you scrambles to his feet and dashes off, an extremely irate unicorn chasing after him firing blasts of magic.
>You and Twilight watch them for a bit , before you ask Twilight something that was on your mind.
"Damn, is that really what it's like with me and you?"
>"No, your antics have a sort of playful charm to them. That guy's just an asshole."
>Having just finished absorbing all the power from the final clone, Applejack trots over to the two of you.
>"Phew, glad that's over. Always such a hassle to get all mah power back. And it always leaves all these Apples laying around that somebody gotta clean up." She pauses to glance at the unfolding situation. "Did ah, uh, miss somethin'?"
>"Nothing out of the ordinary," sighs Twilight.
"So, you guys wanna go get drunk?"
>"More than anything."
>"Ah could do with a drink right about now."
"Alright, cool. There's this place I heard about that's supposed to be fabulous."