Title: AlaskanAnon in equestria ch. 9 Author: CuriousAnon Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/5jgjSV3v First Edit: Sunday 7th of October 2012 02:03:24 PM CDT Last Edit: Sunday 7th of October 2012 02:03:24 PM CDT >Consciousness breaks upon your mind slowly, heralded by the sound of soft breathing all around you >You're warm >Really warm >You didn't think it would be possible to be this warm with just blankets >But you are anyway >You crack your eyes open >And nearly jump out of your pants >Inches from your own, a purple face smiles     >Uh oh >You forgot to turn your swag off >Now you've woken up covered in mares >Literally >Your blanket is on the floor >Replaced by a softly snoring layer of flesh and fur >Even in sleep, they blush >Twilight herself lays on your chest, smiling >Well shit >You need to stoke the fire and cook breakfast >And, more importantly, you have to piss >You carefully free your arms from underneath Rarity and Rainbow >Then, slowly, gently, you lift Twilight off your chest and set her next to you >She sighs, but doesn't wake up >Phew     >You sit up >Now for the p0nies on your lower half >Fluttershy lays across your waist >And on your legs are Pinkie Pie and AppleJack >Fluttershy is the first you move >You marvel at how light she is >Must be part of the whole pegasus thing >...and your pants are still on >Thank god they couldn't manage your zipper while sleeping >You don't know what you would have done if you woke up t- >Best not to think about that >You move AppleJack next >She slides off willingly enough >Pinkie Pie though >Damn >She's fucking cuddling your leg     >Your attempts to dislodge her only cause her to giggle faintly and wrap her hooves more firmly around it >That's one hell of a grip she's got >You could pry her off >If you really wanted to >But from what little you know of the bubbly pink menace, she'd probably wake up the rest of them in the process >And you don't need that right now >So you allow her to remain attached >Instead, you grab your stuff >On go the glasses, the holster and knife, all the other little things that help you through the day >That accomplished, you limp over to the stove to stoke up the fire >The bed of coals glows, then flares into brilliant light as you place a few sticks inside >The fire stoked, you consider your situation >You really have to piss >Really, REALLY badly >Fuck it >You don't care what Pinkie Pie sees or does not see >You're gonna go piss RIGHT NOW >You stumble out the tent flap >And right up to an inviting tree     >Upon further consideration, you reach down and spin Pinkie around your leg so she's facing away >Then you pull down your fly and unleash the waterfall >When you finish, you've melted a hole straight through the snow and down to the ground >You zip up your pants and head back inside the tent >Time for breakfast >You stiff-leg it over to the pile of bags and extract a few cooking supplies >ingredients, spatula, frying pan >All the good stuff >Then you make your way back over to the stove and begin cooking >If you're lucky, the smell will cause your companions to wake up thinking of food instead of how to corner you >You're just setting the pan on top of the stove when something pokes your groin >Your head snaps downward >A pair of blue eyes stare back at you innocently     >"Hiya Nonny!  Oh, can I ca-" Pinkie >"-ll you that?  Anyway, I was wo- PINKIE >"-ndering if you could make some of th-" PINKIE LET GO OF MY JUNK >The hoof falls away and instead wraps back around your leg >You immediately look over to the other five >Who, by some form of miracle, are still sleeping >Then you look back down at Pinkie >Where do you even begin... Pinkie, could you please get off my leg? >"I could get off your le-" >TOO LOUD SSSSHHHH >"Why?  Is th-" >You reach down and put a hand over her muzzle, ceasing her babbling I want to surprise everyone with breakfast when they wake up >You release her muzzle And I can't really do that if you wake them up before then, can I? >She puts both her hooves over her mouth and nods Now then, could you please get off my leg? >Pinkie immediately releases your leg, and stands up >"So, can I call you Nonny?" Call me Anon >"Alright Anon!"   She turns and heads for the tent flap >She probably has to go too Hey Pinkie >You whisper >She stops How long have you been awake you awake? >"Long enough" >When she's all the way out the flap you shudder >Then you turn back to the stove and resume cooking >Pinkie bounces back through the flap just as you're cracking the eggs >Then she sits down to watch you >When you dump the eggs in the pan, she opens her muzzle >"Hey Nonny, I could show you a REAL party..." Really Pinkie?  Really? >She grins at you >"Nope!  Just kidding!" >Half a minute passes as you continue to flip eggs >"Unless you want to..." Nope >You respond without even looking over your shoulder >"No?" >You turn around to look at her >She's smiling at you again Uh uh >The smile grows wider >"Not even a teensy weensy littl-" >The improbability of the situation dawns on her >She sits down and starts giggling >Then, realizing her folly, she puts her hooves up to her mouth and downgrades to a few muffled snorts >When she finishes, you speak up Pinkie? >"Yeah Anon?" Would you like to help me make breakfast? >"I'd love to!"     >Pinkie Pie is a surprisingly adept cooking assistant >Then again, she does work in a bakery >So perhaps not all that surprising >You manage to fry the eggs and hashbrowns to perfection without incident >But now it's time for the tube cakes >You pick up a bowl and mixer, along with a few choice ingredients Pinkie, could you turn around for a bit? >"What?" It's time for the tube cakes. >You tap the side of your nose Family secret, remember? >"Oh!  I remember!" >She turns around >You correspondingly turn to the mixing bowl >Then, just as quickly you turn back to Pinkie, who is watching you over her shoulder NO PEEKING >"Awwwwww!" Pinkieeeee >"Okie Dokie!" >She turns back around >You go back to your batter     >Twenty minutes later, the delicious aroma of cooking flapjacks fills the tent >You set the steaming plate of tube cakes with all the rest of the food >Now for the fun part >Waking up the rest of your charges Pinkie, you can turn back around now.  I need your help >"Why, whatever do you need, dearest Anonymous?" >You grimace Could you wake up the others while I get out the drinks? >"Of course I can!" Great >You make your third and final trip to the supply pile >Glasses in one hand and water jug in the other, you turn around to see Pinkie with a party blower the approximate size and length of her leg >She takes an impossibly massive breath and brings the blower to her mouth P- >The party blower extends, emitting a sound not that far from a foghorn >The effect upon the sleeping p0nies is immediate     >Fluttershy jumps three feet in the air, then rolls over on her back when she lands, frozen >Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, shoots straight through the roof >Rarity yelps, her mane poofing out to Pinkie Pie levels of puffiness >Twilight rolls over, somehow still groggy >"mmmhm... Yes, I'd love to..." >AppleJack seizes her hat without even opening her eyes and jams it on her head >"ALL RAIGHT GRANNY, AH'M READY FER APPLEBUCKIN'!" >Eyes still closed, she takes off at a dead run for the tent flap >And straight into your legs >When the world stops rotating sickeningly, you open your eyes >And for the third time this morning, you jump involuntarily >AppleJack is inches from your face, laying on your chest just like a certain purple mare was not even an hour ago >The primary difference being that AppleJack is very much awake >Something is... >Off about her >You can't quite place what i- >Oh >She doesn't have her hair bands on >You've never seen her without them >Her mane is tickling your neck >"Wahl, good mornin' thar sugarcube" she says, winking at you >Never a break, it seems Get off >"Now why would ah do that?  Ah'm perfectly happy raight where ah-" >You shove her off your chest and leap to your feet     >The rest of the p0nies are in various states of recovery >Twilight grins sheepishly at you >Fluttershy is just now regaining her feet >Rarity is staring into a small mirror with no small amount of horror >A pair of magenta eyes peer through the hole in the tent roof >And Pinkie Pie is rolling on the floor laughing, the party blower nowhere to be seen >You pick up the scattered cups and jug as AppleJack grabs her hat and removes two hair bands from the inside Good morning everyone >"Pinkie, darling, did you have to be so loud?" asks a grief-stricken Rarity >"No..." >"then... why?" squeaks Fluttershy >"Because it's more fun this way!" >You sense a shitstorm a-brewin' >And you don't need any more holes in the tent >So you point to the small feast, recently assembled Breakfast?     >They all pick up their small bags and head outside >They too, it seems, have business to attend >While they're busy, you set out plates, cups and silverware in a circle >In the center you place the food, along with the water jug, the milk jug and the orange juice >A voice drifts down through the hole in the roof >"Hey Anonymous, could you throw me my bag?" Uh, sure >You pick up the small blue duffel bag and toss it through the hole in the ceiling >Something, presumably Rainbow, catches it and pulls it out of view >"Thanks" No problem >You're not going to ask     >By the time you finish setting the eating area, the p0nies are back inside >They all look very much refreshed >Twilight's mane is no longer frazzled from sleep >AppleJack has her hair bands on once more >Rarity's even managed to return her mane to its usual, curly state >You sit down crosslegged in front of your plate Alright, let's eat >A commotion of activity erupts as everyone reaches for the food >your hopes seem to be realized >The mares are more focused on the food than you >"Aw man Anonymous, did you make those awesome pancakes?  I love those pancakes!" >Well someone's enthusiastic this morning They're tube cakes, and yeah I- >"Ah do like me some tube cakes, ah must admit" >There's a general scramble for the plate of tube cakes from all but Rarity and Fluttershy >"Rarity, you have to try Anon's tube cakes!  They're the best tube cakes EVER!" Chimes in Pinkie >"Hmmph.  I don't see why he needs to roll them up like that..." >None the less, she takes a tube cake and daintily cuts a piece off the end >Then she considers it for a moment as it sits on the end of her fork, before taking it delicately in her mouth >The instant it hits her tongue, she's sold     >All the daintiness Rarity employed for the first bite disappears in a flurry of maple syrup and flying cutlery >Rarity more or less inhales the rest of her tube cake >She seizes another and reduces it to edible chunks >This one, too, disappears with similar rapidity >She reaches for a third, at which point you reach out and stop her Leave some for Fluttershy, could you? >She pauses >Then, just as quickly as it came, it passes >She begins cleaning herself with a napkin >"Why Anonymous, these... "Tube" cakes are positively divine!  I had no idea you were such a good cook" >You smile at her >Breakfast resumes its usual rate >That is, until Twilight's horn starts glowing...     >Twilight pans her head around a bit >Then her gaze locks right on to you >FUCK >You should have known better than to make pancakes for unicorns >You remember what happened last time >That white sheen covers her eyes and she starts to hover in a crackling purple field, just like before >Now Rarity's horn is glowing too >"Uh, Twilight?  Rarity?  What's going on..." >Interesting >Rarity doesn't seem to get the sheen over her eyes that Twilight does >Nor does she hover quite as hig- >"Aaahh!  Wh-What is this!  I've never f-felt such p-" >Your train of thought is utterly blown to shreds as an all-too-familiar purple beam shoots out of Twilight's horn and into your forehead >It is joined a second later by a pale blue beam, from Rarity >Before the light utterly blanks out everything, you manage one last thought >Double the fun     >You're the first to sit up >All the dishes and food are still in place >There are still a few crackles of purple and blue energy sparking about >In front of you sits a stack of multi colored ammo cans >There's one large, standard ammo can >Like, really large >YOu're not sure the military ever MADE a can this large >Lining the edges are six smaller ammo cans >One purple, one white, one blue, one orange, one yellow and one pink with various markings on the corners >And sitting on top of the large ammo can is a grey square of neatly folded cloth     >By now, some of the others are beginning to recover >"BEST TUBECAKES EVER!" Why thank you Pinkie.  I appreciate your enthusiasm >You reach out and grab the square of fabric >The second you touch it, you nearly drop it >It changes instantaneously from grey to an off white with faint streaks of grey light >You persist in picking it up, and it unfurls >You have to stand up to get it unfolded all the way >it comes up to about neck height >At the bottom there's a metal clasp made to look like a snowflake >You flip it over and examine the clasp more closely >The workmanship is superb; if it wasn't a polished grey, you could swear this was a snowflake >So, a cloak >Just the right height too     >Rarity sits up >her mane has returned to Pinkie Pie levels of puffiness >Win some, lose some, you guess >"Anonymous... May I see that?" >Something on the inside of the cloak catches your eye In a minute >Your suspicions are rewarded when you find a pocket >It's roughly the size of a deck of cards >Curious, you stick your hand inside, feeling for the bottom >Your arm goes in up to your elbow before you realize what's happening >The pocket widens to accommodate it >You keep pushing, and soon you have your entire arm up to your shoulder inside a pocket that should barely be deep enough for your forearm >By now, the rest of your companions have recovered their senses     >"Whut in tarnation..." >"What the hay just happened?" >You shrug, the cloak bobbing where your arm should be It's magic >You look at Twilight and wink I've found it's better not to question it >You withdraw your arm and hand the cloth over to Rarity's waiting hooves >When it touches them, the cloth immediately changes color >Rarity gasps >Now, instead of the off white the cloth is a deep, aquamarine blue >Shot through with diamonds, emeralds, rubies and other precious stones >As you watch, it shrinks >And the clasp morphs from a snowflake to a trio of diamonds, just like Rarity has on her flank >Rarity now looks more like someone just punched her in the face >This, combined with her new mane, creates quite an amusing sight >So much so that you snicker a bit >This breaks her trance >"I... I've seen similar things done before, but never to this detail..." >She goes over the entire cloak with her hooves, inspecting it closely >Hmmmm >"can I see that now?" pipes up Twilight >"Certainly, dear" >Rarity hands the cloak over     >This time, the cloak turns a deep purple >The same color as her mane >It is patterned with both the mark on her flank and some sort of emblem >It looks like a crossed quill and unicorn horn >The clasp, too, changes to the mark on her flank >Something else you'll have to ask about >You leave Twilight to examine the cloak and turn to the ammo cans >Colorful cans, or Big Willy? >Big Willy >You grab the large can by the handle and lift it out of the ring of smaller ammo cans >Then you set it in front of you and start undoing the latches on the side >The attention of your compatriots shifts from Twilight to you >The can unseals with that familiar hiss >Inside, you see... >Shotgun shells >Shotgun shells everywhere >The inside is neatly partitioned into three separate compartments >And in each compartment lay shotgun shells >This is a fuckton more ammo than you have in the truck >Awesome >Set neatly into an indent in one divider is a small cardboard box     >You pick up one of each of the shells from the three compartments >You have BB, 00 buck, and slug here >Excellent >Twilight looks up from the cloak momentarily >"Anonymous, those look like... Do you have guns you haven't told me about?" >What an observant purple mare Yep >"Show me!" Later >You return the shotgun shells to their compartments and instead pick up the cardboard box >It's full of various shotgun chokes >Sweet >You put the chokes back in the box, and the box back in the ammo can >Then you close it up, and reach for one of the colorful ammo cans >You pick the blue one, with the cloud spitting a rainbow thunderbolt on the side >You swear you've seen it somewhere before... >A line in the conversation going on between the other 6 occupants of the tent catches your ear >"See?  I told you He'd pick mine first!" >Your gaze shifts up to Rainbow Dash >And suddenly, it all clicks >Each ammo can corresponds to your six companions >They even have the same marks >You quickly look back down >Then you deliberately reach over and pull all the colored ammo cans to you     >The first can you open is the purple can >Surprise, surprise >More shotgun shells >These ones are different, though >You pick one up >The base of the shell is regular brass, sure >But the shell itself is purple, with two narrow, adjacent stripes; one deeper purple and one pink >The star mark on the can is present once, on the side of the shell >You return the shell to its can and close it up >Then you reach over and grab the orange can with apples on it >This one also contains shotgun shells >They, too, have regular brass bases, and hulls the same color as the can >Along with the triple apple mark >You quickly check through the rest of the cans, coming up with similar results >You're going to have a great deal of fun finding out what these shells do >But not right now >No, right now you need to deal with the mares staring at you     >Something is... >Missing? >Gone? >Oh, yeah >It's the aroma of tube cakes >Fluttershy finished off the last two while you were checking out the ammo cans Well, I think it's about time we got going >You get up and yank on your cold weather gear >can't be too careful >Then you hold out your hand to Twilight May I have that? >She reluctantly hands it over to you >It morphs back to the streaked white once again >You quickly clasp it around your neck, making sure it sits properly on your back >Then you pick up one of the smaller ammo cans, and experimentally lower a corner into the pocket >The pocket stretches to accommodate the ammo can, admitting the entire thing >This is great! >You reach for another ammo can, then look over at the mares >All of them look rather dumbstruck, with the exception of Twilight and Pinkie >YOU don't think anything can surprise Pinkie Well, what are you waiting for?  The truck's not going to load itself >"Ah would rather-" Yes, I think I know by now what you would be doing if I let you.  Now load the goddamn truck >"Ahlright... but don't thank thi-" GO     >While Twilight and the rest of them load goods into the back of the truck, you load the rest of the ammo cans into your new cloak >Then you help take the tent down, and pack it away in the truck >By the time you finish, you're ready to scream >Your companions (excepting Twilight) have been hitting on you constantly >So you bundle them into the rear of the truck as quickly as you possibly can >Then you open the front door, and pause >Twilight looks at you curiously as you reach under the seat instead of climbing in >You first remove the three boxes of .45 ammo and bags of mags that were generated the last time you fed a unicorn tube cakes >And stick them in your cloak >Then you remove a pair of long, stocky black cases with padlocks through the handles >These, too, you slide into your cloak >Then you step aside and gesture to the open door Ladies first >"Please don't tempt me" >You hold your hands up in mock surrender Sorry, sorry >She squints at you, then jumps in the truck >You climb in after her and shut the door >Then you start the truck and slam it in gear     >"Do you have any idea what that cloak is?" Nope >"It's an incredible work of precision!  To get those two spells working in harmony..." >"And all triggered by those pancakes." Tube cakes >"Tube cakes.  You have to tell me how you make them!" Twilight, we've been over this before.  I'm not going to >"Anonymous, please" No >"Why can't you tell me?" Because no >"Come on!  This is amazin-" Not gonna do it >"But I have to know!" Is it really that im- >"YES!" >You glance over at Twilight, startled by her sudden outburst >She has turned pure white >Even whiter than Rarity >Her pupils are now blood red >And her mane is... >OH SHIT >FIRE >SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT THE FUCK TWILIGHT >"I- what?"     >The ceiling fabric is already starting to smoke >You slam on the brakes and bring the truck to a halt >Then you frantically unbuckle your seatbelt >You reach over and seize the burning p0ny and yank her on top of you with one arm while opening the door with the other >Then you squeeze your eyes shut and fling the two of you out the door >You hear a hiss as her mane and tail are extinguished >Finally, you remove your arm and open your eyes, afraid of exactly what you'll find pinned in the snow beneath you >Twilight looks up at you with half lidded eyes >Incredibly, she's back to her regular purple self >Blush and all >"I... oh, this is nice..."     >You hastily lever yourself up and off the purple mare >Now it's your turn to ask questions Why, exactly, were you on fire? >"I- What?" Your mane and tail were practically made of fire >"That happens to all unicorns when extremely angry" You mean you weren't actually burning alive? >"No..." Well shit Twilight, remind me not to piss you off >Twilight looks down at her hooves >"Anonymous, I apologize..." Hey, cut that out.  I'm not mad at you, just... try not to light my truck on fire, okay?     >Once back inside the truck, Twilight repairs the singed ceiling and seat cushion with her magic >Then an uncomfortable silence falls over both of you Twilight, pick up that soda can >You point downwards without looking >The soda can floats up into your line of vision, surrounded by a purple glow Now, how did you do that? >"I used my magic" And how did you use your magic? >"Well, I just... know how to do it." Well Twilight, I just know >You grab the soda can out of the aura That if you try to experiment on my tube cakes, or put them in a lab, or anything like that >You set the can back in its holder Not only will they cease to create those amazing effects, they won't taste nearly as good! >Twilight digests this tidbit for a while >So you reach down, and flick on the radio     So if you get pissed off or scared enough, you catch fire? >"Yeah..." That's pretty damn awesome >"Really?" Hell Yeah!  All I get is adrenaline >"Adrenaline?  What's that?" What, you don't know about adrenaline? >"No..." Actually, I think everyone gets adrenaline.   >"Well, it would help if you told me what it was..." >Right >You dredge up your memories of psychology class Adrenaline is a stimulant excreted by the endocrine system...     >The rest of the drive to Canterlot goes by without incident >It starts snowing around 10:00, and stays at a light downfall for most of the ride >When you stop for lunch, you receive a fresh barrage innuendo from your other passengers >You have to throw AppleJack in a snowbank again >And you can tell most of the others aren't that far from having a go at it >But, hopefully, Twilight's "Princess Celestia" will have a solution for your... unique problem >Twilight is silent now >And you can see a golden spire on the horizon     >When the royal city, Canterlot, finally comes into view, it takes most of your concentration to keep your jaw out of your lap >The entire thing practically sparkles, even with the cloud cover >On the outside, at least, the city is coated in a brilliant medley of whites, golds and silvers >A massive castle built into the mountainside towers over the entire thing >"It's quite a sight, isn't it?" Yes.  Yes it is. >Twilight smirks a bit at your face >And, to be honest, you probably would too if you could see it >You idle up to the closed city gate and wait >And wait >And wait some more     >"Maybe the guard is asleep?" >You crack a mischievous grin at Twiight I can fix that >Then you reach up to a cord that runs along the ceiling, and give it a yank >The five train horns you mounted to your cab yourself respond enthusiastically with a brain-rattling blast blast >A golden armored p0ny launches itself off the top of the wall and plummets into a snowbank as the echo rumbles up and down the mountainside >It takes Twilight a few seconds to uncross her eyes >"Wha-What was that?" That was MY horn >"Your... How did you do that?" >You reach your hand back up towards the cord I can do it again, if you like >"NO!  NO NO N- err, I really would rather you didn't." Suite yourself >You open your door and hop out >Then you unstrap the secondary shovel from the topper and turn back to Twilight We better go dig that guard out before he freezes to death >"Good idea" She jumps out after you     >You dig a couple feet into the snowbank >Then your shovel clinks as it hits something solid >You pass the shovel back to Twilight and get to work with your gloves >The first thing you clear is a patch of golden armor >Then a white leg >You continue clearing snow until you find another leg >Then you grab both legs and yank >Out of the snowbank pops a golden-armored white unicorn with a mostly white mane and tail >You quickly release his legs, and he stands up and begins turning around >"Thanks fellas, I was j-" >He abruptly stops talking when he sees you Hello >"I-Identify yourself creature!" he shouts, with a bluster even you can see through Relax, I'm here with the Elements >You step aside and reveal Twilight, who was standing behind you >The guard goggles at the pair of you You okay there? >He shakes his head, seemingly to clear it >"You must be the human..." Damn right I am!   >You turn and point Can you get that gate open?     >"I, uh-Of course!" >He turns to the gate, and his horn glows >A much quieter trumpet sounds, and the gates creak open >You turn and head back over to the truck, opening the door for Twilight >Then you pause, and look over your shoulder >The guard is still standing in the snow, seemingly in shock Well come on! >"What?" I need someone to show me how to get to the castle! >A grin passes briefly over his face >"You mean I get to ride in THAT?" Yep! >He makes no further comments and heads for the door >You close it after he climbs inside, then run around and jump in your own side >Then you put the truck in gear and rumble through the gate     I never got your name.  Mine's Anonymous, what's yours? >"Guardsp0ny Sky, sir" Hey now, we're all friends here, you can call me Anonymous.  Now, what's your full name? >The guardsp0ny visibly relaxes >"Sunny Sky" Well Sunny Sky, it's nice to meet you.  Do I go left here, or... >"Yes, take a left" Great     >The streets of Canterlot are somewhat narrow and clogged with carts transporting all manner of goods >After your hasty left turn, you find yourself stuck in a traffic jam that stretches halfway to the castle >So you settle in for the wait >Twilight devotes her time to staring at either you or Sunny Sky >You find the passerby interesting enough to occupy your attention... >Until you hear the tinking sound of metal rapidly striking metal >You look over at the right side of your cab >Sunny Sky is shivering Sunny, take that armor off >"What?" It's wet and cold and you're going to catch pneumonia if you keep it on >"All guardsp0nies must remain in armor at all times when on duty" You know I'm right >"But-" I won't have anyone catching pneumonia in my truck.  Now off with it >"Alright..." >You turn your head back to the traffic as he disrobes >It doesn't take long before you hear the entire assembly clink down into the passenger footwell >You flip the foot heater on to dry it out faster     Do you have a any particular preferences when it comes to music? >"No" Ah, loosen up.  Call me Anonymous, remember?  Everyone has a preference in music >"Okay... Anonymous" That's better.  Now, do you mind if I put some wubs on? >"Nah" >You reach down and flick the radio knob >And in doing so glance at a grinning Sunny Sky Hey, didn't you use to be... White? >The royal blue, yellow maned unicorn looks back at you >"...Yes?" Then how are you blue... >"Oh, that's the armor.   All Celestial Guard armor turns the wearer white whenever it's worn" Magic? >"Yes, that" Well alrighty then     >An hour later, and it's starting to get dark >The snowfall is picking up >And you're bored out of your skull >You flip your headlights on and look over at your passengers You may want to cover your ears >Twilight emerges from her self-control induced stupor long enough to comply >Sunny takes a bit longer >Almost too slow >You reach once again for the cord mounted to your roof and give it an extended tug >The streets clear out fairly rapidly after that, allowing you to make excellent progress towards the castle >"What... how..." Five train horns man, clean your ears in a hurry >"Ookay..."     >Ten minutes down the road, and you're almost at the castle gates >Sunny Sky starts putting his now dry armor back on Hey Sunny Sky, do you think you could lead us to the Princess? >"Well, I could... but why?" I get the feeling any guide we get in the castle will be a mare.  And mares haven't exactly had a stellar record with me this week, if you catch my drift... >You gesture to Twilight, who follows your hand lazily with her eyes >Sunny Sky grimaces in sympathy >"Alright, I'll do it" Thanks man, I appreciate this >You pull up to the castle gate >This time, you don't have to employ your horns >The gates open for you >You drive right on through them and stop >Then you look over at Sunny Sky Is there anywhere I can park? >"There's the chariot garage..." Perfect.  Which way? >He points with a hoof >"That way"     >Your headlights eventually pick out a large wooden door on a larger building >The door's even big enough for your truck! >Sunny's horn glows with a golden aura as he opens the doors >And you pull inside >You end up parking way at the end of the garage >You shut off the truck and open the door, letting your two companions out >They follow you around to the tailgate, which you swiftly open >You get your arms up and intercept the pink blur that launches out of the truckbed >"Hi Nonny!" Hello Pinkie.  Did you have a good ride? >"Of course Nonny!  I always have a good ride when YOU'RE driving!" That's great Pinkie >You quickly set her down on her hooves before turning  back to the truckbed >The rest of them look at you with bedroom eyes that would put a Bond film to shame Come on, let's go >You turn back to a faintly bemused looking Sunny Sky Lead on     >Sunny Sky leads you out the door and through the falling snow >And up to a fairly large door set into the front of the main building >Fairly large in this case meaning you don't have to crouch to walk through it >He pushes the door open, and beckons the lot of you inside >The inside of the main building reminds you of pictures you've seen of old castles >But much more colorful >And the ceiling is tall enough for you to stand up all the way >"This way" >The halls themselves are occupied by p0nies of all walks of life >P0nies in servant attire step aside for hard-bitten laborers, while socialites turn up their noses and entertainers ply their trade >The halls are not crowded by any stretch of the word >Heads turn as you go past >But thanks to the rather aggressive stares of your friends, you are given a wide berth   >As you work your way deeper and deeper into the castle, the halls become more regal >And less populated >Eventually, you come to a very royal looking door, etched with gold and inset with dozens of precious stones >"This is the Day Court" elaborates Sunny Sky >Then he opens the door >You step through the door into a cavernous room resplendent with glass windows >A few p0nies are gathering their things to leave in the lower portion >And at the end of the room sits a throne, on top of which rests a large white p0ny you assume to be Princess Celestia >She wears golden shoes, some sort of chest piece inset with a large gem, and a golden tiara on her head >And she has both a horn and wings >Something's different from when you saw her two days ago, however >Her ethereal, billowing mane and tail still flows in an unseen wind >But now instead of a mix of pink, blue, and green >The entire assembly is a delicate pink >When you and the rest come through the door, the princess stands up and canters across the room     >Princess Celestia is much larger than the other p0nies >Her head comes up to just below your shoulders >She has just the faintest hint of a blush >Hah >You never thought you would get to look down on royalty >Twilight is torn between staring at you and staring at the princess >She manages a sort of half-bow >The rest of them simply nod to her before clustering around your legs now that you've stopped >Sunny Sky gives you a sympathetic look, then practically prostrates himself in front of the Princess >You yourself settle for as much of a a bow as you can manage without getting your face too close to your friends >"You must be the Anonymous I've read so much about.  I must admit, you're... Taller than I expected" It's a pleasure to meet you, Princess >"Likewise.  Hello Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, AppleJack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity.  I trust your trip was without... complications?" >"The trip went jest fine, Princess!" >Celestia raises a hoof to her chin for a moment Once I lower the sun, I was going to break for dinner.  Would you care to join me? >Lower the sun >LOWER THE SUN >What >That is impossible >You resolve to ask Twilight later if she's for real >"Of course!" >"Yeah!" >"Only if Anonymous can too..." >"Come along then, my little p0nies" >Celestia turns to Sunny Skies >"Guardsp0ny, you have done well to bring the Elements to me.  You are dismissed" >Sky about faces, then walks out the door >Princess Celestia leads you out of Day Court through a different, smaller door >You pass through a few corridors, completely empty of p0nies >She steps out onto a balcony at one point for a few minutes, then comes back inside >Then she leads you through another door, to a large dining room     >The mares reluctantly leave your legs to take positions around table >The princess takes her place at the head >There's even a place set for you >No chair, though >So you remove your jacket and opt to kneel instead >A waiterp0ny appears from seemingly nowhere >"Your orders, please?" >"Ah'd like apple fritters, if ya please" >"I shall have a salad" >And so the orders go on >You opt for hardboiled eggs and a plate of nachos with cheese >The look on the waiter's face is worth any and all ribbing you might endure from Rarity for your choice     >Dinner passes surprisingly quickly >The other p0nies hold a halting conversation that breaks frequently in order to stare longingly at you >When dinner finally finishes and the plates are being cleared away, Celestia calls for everyone's attention >"You all know where your rooms are, but I am afraid there has been a bit of a change in procedure" >"P0nies have been coming in from remote residences all around Canterlot, and I have opened the castle for their use" >"So I'm afraid you will have to double up in your rooms for the time being." >AppleJack is the first to speak up >"Aw shucks Princess, 'taint no big hassle." >"I CALL ANONYMOUS!" >Oh shit Pinkie, don't open that can of worms.... >"Oh no Pinkie, Anonymous will obviously be sharing MY room" >"Ah don't thank so" >"ORDER, NOW!" shouts Celestia, before the real fighting starts >"I shall discuss Anonymous's sleeping arrangements with Anonymous himself." >She beckons you towards yet another door >"Without any outside influences" >You gratefully stand up and head towards the door >Finally, a mare that's not trying to get in your pants     >You step through the door and into a corridor, with one window and another door at the end >You hear the door close behind you and turn around >Princess Celestia's blush has deepened considerably >And that's the only thing you notice before she tackles you onto the ground >Her front hooves are now on either side of your head >Her breath washes across your face, hot and moist I-Wha... Why? >Celestia grins mischievously >"Now the real fun begins!" But you were so civil before >"Anonymous, you are truly something else.  I have lived for years uncounted, and I cannot recall a single time when I was more attracted to a stallion than this very moment." >Damn >You sure hit the phermone jackpot >Celestia lowers her white nose down to your shirt and inhales deeply, drinking in your scent like a drunk pulls from a bottle of whiskey >then she rises to speak >"Love me, Anonymous.  Steal me away!  Carry me off into the dark of the night; make me love every minute" >So saying, she bobs down for a peck at your mouth >And then, a sensual whisper in your ear >"Rut me into the ground..." >Nope >Fuck this >Fuck everything >You reach up and seize Celestia's horn in both your hands >She gasps >"Oh Anonymous, you rapscallion you!" >You give the damn thing an indian burn >Celestia convulses on top of you, her wings shooting out to their full extent >Her magenta eyes roll up in seeming ecstasy     >You roll the moaning Princess of the sun off you and spring to your feet, donning your jacket >You need to get out of here >Can't go back through the dining room >Which leaves the door at the end of the hallway >You stomp up to the door and try the handle >Locked >Last option now >Celestia's moaning ceases behind you >You better get your ass in gear >You seize a brass lamp off the wall and chuck it through the window >Then you dive through headfirst >Straight into near-blizzard levels of snowfall and wind >As you plop into the snow, you hear the sound of flesh impacting wood behind you >Celestia must have caught her wings on the window frame >You quickly pull the hood of your cloak up over your head, and then pull your arms back underneath >Then you hold perfectly still, hardly daring to breath >And wait >"Anonymous, get back here this instant!  I'm not done with you!" >Fuck fuck fuck >The sound of powerful wings beating passes over you, and then off into the distance >Phew     >You push yourself up and out of the snow >After washing your hands thoroughly in it, you pull out your gloves, goggles and scarf and put them on >You can't stay in the main building >That would just give Celestia or some other opportunistic mare a chance for round two >And you also can't drive your truck out of here >You would get bogged down in the streets and captured >For that matter, you'll be caught trying to get out the front gate >Your only option, as you see it, is to hide out in the castle somewhere >And to do that you need all the good stuff in your truck >Your course of action decided, you begin tracing your way around the main building >And towards the garage     >You approach the garage from the rear >There's a smaller, p0ny sized door which is mercifully unlocked, so you slip inside >Your truck is still exactly where you parked it >You open the tailgate and hastily begin shoveling supplies into your cloak >In goes the stove, the tent, both shovels, all the blankets and the sleeping pad >The remaining food, your axe, chainsaw and necessary maintenance supplies >You slam your truckbed shut and turn to the smaller door to leave >Then you steal away into the snowy night, intent upon your freedom     >Right now, you need somewhere you can pitch your tent >You saw a tangled mass of green on your way in >You figure that's your best bet >So you trek off toward it >When you arrive, the purpose of the structure becomes much more clear to you >It's a hedge maze >And what's more, the hedges come right up to your nose >Wonderful >That's roughly how tall the tent is >You enter the hedge maze and start searching >At the first major clearing, you stop and consider >The snow has drifted from the wind, with a bank reaching to the top of the hedge on one side and correspondingly thinner snow on the other >You pull out your shovel and begin clearing out an area for your tent   >Setting up the tent, you notice the hole in the ceiling has been patched >Thank you Rarity >You go back out into the hedge maze, collecting dry dead branches with your axe >You make sure not to venture too far from your clearing, so as not to become lost >Several armloads later, and you're set for the night >You don't know how much smoke this stuff generates when burned >But you do know from both your experience and the barometer in your watch that this snowstorm isn't going to end anytime soon >You are confident that even if the stuff burns like old tires the smoke can't be seen from the castle >After getting the fire going, you lay out your sleeping pad and strip out of your gear >As you lay down to sleep, you can't help but wonder >How far will Celestia go to try and get you back?