Title:           LNPP from thread 106
Author:          Asian_Anon
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Zg9TSErD
First Edit:      Monday 22nd of August 2016 06:52:15 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Monday 22nd of August 2016 06:52:15 PM CDT

532_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
{ShadowDerpys}
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and my show makes better sense when you're sleepy! Now for our main segment...running!
Canned applause from DT's backpack as Pinkie carries them all.
 
'...why did it do that?'
 
>When will you learn not to question things when I'm around?
 
"...she has you there."
 
[Just leave me. I'd slow you down.]
 
>Hey, don't say that. We're not going to leave you to the shadows!
 
'I probably could.'
 
"You're not helping."
 
'I'm just being honest here.'
 
[I'd understand if you did. I'm a useless pony who can't do anything right. If you take me with you, I'll probably make things worse.]
 
"...you're not useless."
 
[You don't even know me princess Cadence.]
 
Cadence looks straight on.
"I don't care...you're not useless..."
 
'Hey, now that I'm looking around, this dream Ponyville has all the streets mixed up.'
 
>Oh...that explains why we haven't reached Sugar Cube Corner.
 
'Really? That was your plan? What are we going to do at Sug-'
 
[AAAAAAH!]
 
>"'WHOA!!!'"
They all tumble over.
 
>Why'd you scream and make us fall?
 
[Look at your hooves!]
 
The shards embedded in Pinkie earlier turned into small Shadow Derpys
{No escape!}
DT checks herself and finds out she's covered in small eyeless Derpy shadows.
{We've got you now.}
 
'They're crawling in my skin!'
 
>So much for healing our wounds at Sugar Cube Corner!
 
"Is this real?! What should I do?!"
 
They try to brush themselves off.
>I still have a plan, but we need to get to Sugar Cube Corner. Fly up and look for the pink sugary building.
 
Cadence flies up and scans her surroundings.
"...I see it!"
 
>Good, now fly-
Cadence scoops them all up and zips through the air.
>This is good, but we probably shouldn't crash through the window.
 
"Okay."
They crash through the door leaving a shape of themselves.
 
533_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
{ShadowDerpys}
~~~~
>Welcome to Sort of Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content pretty much doesn't matter, and I'm not dead! Now for our main segment...Timed Muffins!
 
>"'[Uuuuugh]'"
 
'...you know I probably could have shot out the window. We didn't have to go THROUGH the door.'
 
"Sorry. Why are we here?"
 
>I had a theory. If we're in Derpy's dream, That would mean she'd want Sugar Cube Corner full of...
 
[MUFFINS!]
 
Every shelf was stocked with muffins. Piles and piles of muffins everywhere they looked. The Shadow Derpys on Pinkie and DT perk up.
{Did she say muffins?}
 
{I heard muffins.}
 
{Muffin time?}
 
{Muffin time!}
The shadows and Derpy start munching on muffins.
 
>Hey it worked.
 
"Your plan was to feed them?"
 
>Yup. It's all she ever ordered, so maybe they like them too. I'd figured it would distract them and let us regroup.
 
'What happens when the rest come?'
 
Some Shadow Derpys crash in.
{Wow look at all the muffins!}
 
{Oh my gosh, I love muffins!}
 
{Muffin Monday already?}
More and more pour in.
{Muffins!}
 
{Mine!}
 
{No, it's mine!}
 
{I saw this one first!}
 
Derpy stands in front of a large pile of muffins, growling.
[Get your own muffins!]
 
{You see, you have a very large assortment of muffins, and we'd appreciate it if you would share them with us. Are we not part of the same whole?}
 
[I'm going to put my hoof up your hole if you try to touch my muffins!]
 
{...we tried. FOR THE MUFFINS!}
They dogpile Derpy and a cloud of fighting is formed as more go for the same muffins.
{Mine!}
{No, Mine!}
{Mine!}
[MIIIIIIINE!]
Derpy grows larger than the ceiling can handle until she breaks through the roof.
[THESE. ARE. MY. MUFFINS! RAAAAAAAAAAWR!!!]
She shoots lasers from her eyes and melts a few shadows.
*PEW PEW PEWPEW PEW*
 
>"'...cool.'"
 
534_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm giving people an extra dose of Pink! Now for our main segment...STORYTIME: THREE LITTLE PONIES!
Applause Luna appears in a wolf costume.
 
[We can't believe we're doing this.]
She walks up to a house made of clouds.
[LITTLE PONY, LITTLE PONY, THOU SHALL LET US IN!]
The force of her voice blows away the house of clouds and Cadence.
 
"WHAAAAAAA I DIDN'T EVEN SAY MY LIIIiiine! *ding*"
 
[...whoops. We will tone it down. Perhaps the next house will yield better results.]
She walks to the next house made of gingerbread and frosting.
 
>Life in my dreamhouse~
 
[Little pony, little pony, thou shall let us in!]
 
>Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
 
[Then we shall huff and we shall puff and we will-]
 
>Wait, you're not going actually blow my house down are you?
 
[Is that not how the story went?]
 
>Well yeah, but-
 
[BLOW THY HOUSE DOWN!]
Blows the house down. Pinkie pops up from the debris.
 
>...you didn't have to be a bitch about it...oh hey, that doesn't have to be censored?
 
[We are what they call, Alpha bitch. Now assume the position to be eaten.]
 
>No, wait you don't have to do tha-
 
She moves on to the next house.
[Little pony, little pony, thou shall let-]
*BOOM*
A rocket had landed nearby leaving a crater.
 
'That was a warning shot!'
DT sits on top of house made of concrete and steel.
'I've 4 machine gun turrets, 2 sentry guns, 2 sniper nests, an Apache helicopter, a concussion missile tower, and 500 missiles. I dare you to blow this house down.'
 
[...that seems excessive...this is not how the story goes.]
 
'In my version, I fill the wolf with lead.'
*DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA FWOOSH BOOM*
 
[Leaving leaving leaving!]
 
'Moral of the story is don't build cheap houses, and be the bigger bitch against the other bitch.'
 
>This extra story was sponsored by Sweetie Drop's Bon bons. Bond over a bon.
 
535_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
{ShadowDerpys}
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but people have needs! Now for our main segment...SUCK IT!
 
[RAAAAAWR!]
 
{AAAARGH!}
*PEW PEW PEW*
 
[Back off!]
Derpy bats a few away and shoot lasers to melt them.
 
{I got one!}
 
[And now you get none!]
Shadow gets melted into glassy goop.
 
>I have an idea! Help me vacuum up the goop.
Gives them Pinkie designed vacuum cleaners.
 
"'I don't do windows.'"
 
>Nopony ever likes to do windows. P-Team GO!
Pinkie runs and slides sucking one puddle of goop up, moving on to the next. Cadence flies through the air sucking up goop as they fall. DT's backpack sprouts legs and collects for her while she sits back watching the lasers fly.
 
{You have plenty of muffins, now share you bitch!}
 
[There are many muffins like them, but these ones are mine!]
*PEW PEW PEW*
 
{Die monster, you don't belong in this world!}
*PEW* Melted
 
[It was not by my hooves that I was given muffins! It was Sugar Cube Corner who paid me tribute!]
 
{Tribute? You steal our muffins and eat them yourself!}
 
[The same can be said of all moochers.]
 
{Your words are as empty as your heart! Marekind ill needs a useless pony such as you!}
 
[WHAT IS A MUFFIN!?!]
Smacks shadow to the ground shattering it.
*KSSH*
[A pile of yummy goodness! Now enough talk. Get in my belly!]
Derpy begins inhaling, sucking up both shadows and muffins.
{{{Nooooo!}}}
Once they're all sucked up, she spits all the shadows to the ground.
 
[MIIIIINE!]
She asserts her dominance by shooting them all in a long continuous laser blast, melting them all down. The pinks rush in to suck it up.
[DERPY STRONG! DERPY STRONG! DERPY-]
 
>We fixed it!
 
[...?]
 
>Your glass dick is in a box in one piece!
Derpy shrinks back to normal and hugs Pinkie.
 
[*gasp* Thank you! I'm not going to get fired!]
Suddenly sunshine and rainbows in the sky.
 
>Well this was an easy job. Right girls?
 
"'...'"
 
536_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-canon
>Celestia
"Luna"
~~~~
Celestia sits on a beach, under a palm tree, drinking out of a coconut.
>This is a good day. No pony to bug me about an emergency, no Applejack trying to question me. Just me and this coconut. Life is good.
A banana falls on her head.
>...?
She looks up and sees that the tree doesn't have any bananas.
>...weird.
Peels the banana and eats it.
>Waste not, want not.
Tosses the banana to the side. She sits back again taking in the sun.
>...I think I'll leave the sun overhead just a liiiiittle bit longer.
The peel earlier moves closer. Celestia catches movement in the corner of her eye and it drops limp as soon as she looks.
>...hm.
Looks away. It crawls closer and closer. She looks again and it stops moving.
>...nah.
As soon as she looks away it grows large and swallows her up, covering her up in darkness.
>What's going on?! I'm being attacked! Help!
The banana peels itself and she finds herself in the tree among other bananas.
 
"HAHAHAHA Tia! Who's a bundle of bananas now?"
 
>...I never called you a bundle of bananas. In fact, I said you're no fun. You're the one who tried to claim she's a bundle of fun.
 
"...You're a banana!"
Flies away.
 
>...wait! I'd still like to get down! ...Luna? Luna! ...I guess this is my dream life now.
 
537_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Derpy]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and we are the ones who watch the night! Now for our main segment...Dreams are an Open Door!
 
'I guess that's it then. Now what? Watch her deliver the wrong packages to other places?'
 
"We should probably wait here for auntie Luna."
 
>...waiting sucks.
 
"...it does."
 
'...I wonder if there's a good day spa here. Maybe we can get a massage.'
 
>Oh I can do that for you!
Hits Cadence's back.
*CRACK*
 
"HAAAAAAA!"
 
>Wasn't that great? I like pretending to be a chiropractor sometimes. Let me do it again!
 
"Nope...nope I'm good."
 
'...I'm so bored...I want to set fire to one of the houses and watch it burn.'
 
>We can't do that.
 
'Why not? It's a dream. Not like we're burning a real houses. Plus look at that hay roof and tell me you don't want to watch it catch on fire.'
 
>We're in somepony else's dream. That's just rude.
 
'But what if she gives us permission?'
 
"It's probably not going to happen. She looks really into making deliveries right now."
 
>Does anypony actually know how to get back from here?
 
'You don't?'
 
>No I just followed Luna. I didn't think she'd leave us here without supervision.
 
"Then I guess we couldn't leave even if we wanted to."
 
[You want to leave? I could take you to the door that I usually Luna and the night guardswalk through.]
 
>We'd appreciate it. If we go now maybe we'll have time to do an episode for our club!
Derpy takes them to a house with a red door.
 
[Here you go. Thanks for helping me.]
 
>Happy to make a difference.
 
"Wasn't it a recurring dream?"
 
>I said we made a difference!
 
'Good enough for me.'
They go through the door.
 
[Bye!]
Puts a package in the nearby mailbox. After she walks away it catches fire and spreads to the house with the red door.