Title:           Douche Anon and the Pregnant Dazzlings (Part 3)
Author:          Anonymous
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/9vdHEnDX
First Edit:      Saturday 27th of June 2015 08:08:15 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 27th of June 2015 08:08:15 PM CDT

>Be Adagio Dazzle
>Be waiting for a taxi with Aria and Sonata
>Be the magnificent smug bitch that you are.
>It had taken around three weeks to prepare for this night, but it was going to be worth it.
>Your battle plan was simple.
>The three of you were going to pretend to be Mexican immigrants! Sisters whose parents got deported back to your 'home country'
>You've been all over this world, forcing you and your compatriots to learn multiple languages to fit in. Naturally, one of them was Spanish.
>All you'd have to do is speak with the appropriate accent, turn on the water works, play up the victim card, and you'd have Anon's parents eating out of the palm of your hand!
>Maybe.
>You didn't actually how they'd react to their son's indiscretion.
>Normally you'd never depend on the milk of human "kindness", but desperate times called for desperate measures.
>You had dressed down for the occasion.
>No make-up and modest clothing rather than your usual fare.
>You had to look the part.
>"Oh, the taxi's here!" Sonata said, pointing at the cab as it rolled up.
>Its go time.
"Remember girls, let me do most of the talking."
>Sonata nodded, and Aria rolled her eyes.
>You checked the time.
>It was 6:37 PM
>The three of you walked into the taxi.
 
(SKIP FORWARD TO ANON'S HOUSE)
 
>You had arrived at a large, white house.
>It was actually quite nice.
>With any luck you might be living here soon...
>'That'll be 8 dollars from each of you." the driver said.
>Ugh.
>You roll your eyes and take eight dollars out of your pocket while your companions do the same.
>The three of you step out of the cab.
>You walk up to the house, replacing your usual confident strut with a nervous gait.
>Just in case anyone was watching you from the inside.
>*KNOCK!*
>*KNOCK!*
>You knock on the door twice.
>"Coming!" you hear a deep male voice reply.
>Must be Anon's father...
 
>A few moments later, the front door opens to reveal a tall, well-dressed, older man who greatly resembled the father of your child.
>"Yes?" he asked.
"U-Um, excuse me sir. Is this where Anon Mous lives?" You ask, making sure to purposely speak with a thick accent.
>He raises in eyebrow.
>"I am Anon. Or do you mean my son?"
>You nod.
"Y-Yes sir."
>He folds his arms.
>"And what exactly do you want with him?"
>You take deep breath, looking down.
"W-We believe that he is the father of me and my sisters' children."
>His eyes widen.
>"I.... see. And why exactly do you think this?"
"About a month ago on the um..... sixtenth is the word, yes? We went to a party where we met Anon. W-We talked and flirted with each other for a while."
>You take another breath.
"All four of us were drinking, so we weren't really in the right mind. We took him back to our apartment, where we...."
>"Had sex." he finished.
>You nodded.
"When we woke up that morning, he was gone. A week later we started feeling sick. We bought pregnancy tests from the local pharmacy and..."
>You look down in feigned shame.
"They were positive.
>Anon Senior still looked skeptical.
>"Why aren't your parents here?"
>You cringe.
"Mister Anon, I think you realize that we aren't really from here. Our parents got d-"
>"Deported. So you're illegal immigrants." he states.
>You nod.
>He takes a deep breath.
>Come in. I'll get my son for you."
>You moves out of the way, allowing the three of you to walk inside the house.
>You glance around the living room.
>"Just... sit on the couch for a moment."
>He sighs, walking further into the house.
>When he's gone, the three of you smirk at each other, sitting down as he asked.
>Everything was going well so far...
 
-----------------------------------------------------
 
>Be Anon.
>Be upstairs in your room doing homework
>Or rather, you SHOULD be.
>Right now you're just playing some Modern Warfar on your TV.
>You could do homework later!
>Right now you had to kill this camping little shit that kept sniping you!
>Seriously, who does that?! It takes all the fun out of the game!
>You were also thinking about your current situation.
>It was kind of hard not to, considering how important it is.
>Most of Reddit had called you an idiot for sleeping with known bad-girls and not expecting something like this to happen.
>Then they called you a dick for not taking responsibility once the Dazzlings had come forward about their pregnancies.
>All except for this weird subreddit that you had never gone to before called The Red Pill.
>There you had found the bare bones of a plan...
>It actually had a lot of good advice about women in general!
>You couldn't really the tell the internet exactly WHY you were so set on avoiding them without coming off as a crazy person or a troll.
>Who would believe the truth when it was so outlandish? You know you wouldn't if you hadn't been there for all the magical stuff at school.
>"ANON!" you hear your mother shout.
>Ugh.
"Yeah?"
>"Could you come down here, please?"
>Really? Right in the middle of the game?
"What? I'm doing homework right now!"
>"Don't you sass me, Mister!"
>You groan.
"Fiiine!"
>You drop your controller on your bed and start walking down the stairs to the living room.
 
-----------------------------------------
 
>Be Adagio
>Be grinning mentally as you watch Anon walk down the stairs from your position on the couch.
>"What is i-" he cuts himself off, eyes wide when he sees you, Aria, and Sonata.
>GAME OVER YOU HUMAN BRAT!
>His parents are glaring at him, arms folded.
>Anon senior grunts.
>"These three girls say you had sex with them, got them pregnant, and when they told you that they were pregnant you told them to screw themselves. What do you have to say for yourself?"
>Anon's eyes glance from side to side.
>"W-Well, uh...."
>"We're waiting...." Anon's mother says, tapping foot on the floor.
>He sighs.
>"Okay, you caught m-"
 
>"ANON Y. MOUS JUNIOR! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AFTER WE WARNED YOU DOZENS OF TIME?!"
>Anon's mother blows up, stalking towards her son with anger.
>You would smile if it didn't have a chance of giving you away.
>"BUT I'M REASONABLY SURE I'M NOT THE FATHER!" Anon shouts, cringing away from his mother's wrath.
>Anon Senior scoffs.
>"Oh really?"
>Anon nods.
>"Yes, j-just give me a chance!"
>Anon's mother still looked like she wanted to slap the shit out of him, which would have been AMAZING to see, but she held back.
>"Speak. Quickly." she says through gritted teeth.
>Anon nods.
>"Y-Yeah, of course! Uh.... What exactly did they tell you?"
>"They told us that you went to an unsupervised party, WITHOUT our permission, where you drunk alcohol. The four of you went back to their apartment, where you had UNPROTECTED sex." Anon Senior says.
>Anon's eyes widened.
>"Wait a minute! O-Okay, I admit to going to that party and having sex with them. But I did use a condom!"
>Anon's mother stares at him intently, "Which you got from WHERE exactly?"
>"I got them on the way to the party from a Walmart! You think after all the lectures I wouldn't Google something like that?!
>"Condoms can break, son."
"I know! P-Plus, this isn't how they normally look!"
>What?
>WHAT?!
>Mrs. Anon's eyes narrow, "What do you mean?"
>Anon reaches into his pocket pulls out his cellphone.
>"I took a selfie with them before we left the party! Look see! I bet they told you some sob story about how they were poor, but do poor people dress like this?!"
>FUCK!
>You remember that!
>You didn't think he'd pull it out like this!
>For that party the three of you had decided to wear some of your better clothes and makeup to make it easier to seduce him!
>Anon Senior grabs his son's phone and looks at it. Then he passes it to his wife.
>The two of them look at you with suspicious eyes.
>NO!
>NO!
>NO!
>You find yourself sweating
 
>Anon Senior eyes you, skeptically
>"These look like expensive clothes. How could supposed illegal immigrants afford these?"
>Think. Think! THINK!
>You could say you stole them? No wait, that would be a bad thing...
>AHA!
>You cringe, looking down.
"Those... are the only good set of clothes we have. Its a party, you're supposed to look nice yes? And in this country, a lot of people judge you based on how you look."
>Anon's parents look back to him.
>He fumbles, tapping his leg.
>"Uhh.... Wait. How did they know where we live. I never told them that and they aren't on my bus!"
>Anon's mother raises a eyebrow at that and glances at you...
>Fuck, how do you explain that?!
>The bastard gets a shit-eating grin on his face..
>Sonata sniffles loudly, drawing attention to herself.
>"I kind of.... spied on him as he went home from school one day."
>She bursts into crocodile tears.
>"W-When he wouldn't take responsibility, I figured that we had to tell you, his parents! But we didn't know where he lived, so I followed him! I know it was wrong, but..."
>Aria 'comforts' our 'sister' as she cries, patting her on the back.
>Sonata, I could KISS you right now!
>Anon Senior glares at his son.
>"You're not being very convincing."
>"Well I-I uh..."
>Anon's mother folds her arms again.
>"We're WAITING."
>He sighs, scratching the back of his head.
>"I have nothing."
>*SMACK!*
>You blink as a bright red mark appears on Anon's face from where his mother just slapped him.
>"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
>"WE RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS!"
>You allow yourself to grin as his parents start to yell at him about things like integrity and responsibility.
>Oh, is that Anon CRYING I see?!
>Delicious
>Your grin widens.
>I wonder where your room in this house will be?
 
-----------------------------------------------
 
>Be Flash Sentry
>Be eating lunch in the cafeteria
>It was Mango Monday.
>And you were a man who loved him some fucking mangoes!
>Norman looked at you with amusement as you bit into your favorite fruit.
>Fuck what he thinks, mangoes are awesome!
>You moan as the taste assaults your tongue.
>"You need a moment there Flash?" he asks, snickering.
>You flip him off, causing him to laugh more.
>"So! Before we do anything, I have to say something!" Brawly speaks up, a shit eating grin on his face.
>You and Norman roll your eyes.
>You swallow.
"What is it?"
>"This weekend I managed to score tickets to the Sapphire Shores concert in town this week!"
>Huh.
>"Congrats, man." Norman replies.
>Brawly frowns.
>"What, no excitement? Its Sapphire Shores!"
>You sigh.
"Dude, we're happy for you but we don't really care for her."
>His obsession with her was weird.
>Seriously, you'd been in Brawly's room.
>There were posters of her everywhere.
>He even had a Sapphire Shores BODY PILLOW!
>Shit was creepy.
>Brawly sighs.
>"You all have shit taste."
>Norman snorts.
>"Well fuck you too, sir."
>"The woman has the voice of a GODDESS! How can you not lo-"
>Brawly's eyes widen.
>He points behind you.
>"Holy shit, is that Anon?!"
>What?
>You turn around, and DAMN!
>The guy looks terrible.
>He has deep bags under his eyes.
>His clothes look haphazardly put on.
>The three of you just stared as Anon walked over, drops his tray on the table, and sits down.
>.....
"Rough weekend?"
>Anon snorts.
>"No shit, Sherlock."
>"What the hell happened to you?" Norman asks.
>He sighs.
>"Just drop it and let me eat in piece."
>Wait a minute...
"They got to your parents first, didn't they?"
>Anon stops, stares at you, and nods slowly.
>You sigh, rubbing your head.
"Yeah, this is why I told you to tell them first. They'd be slightly less pissed off with you."
>Brawly raises an eyebrow.
>"Who is 'they'? Is this about the Dazzlings?"
 
>Anon groans.
>"You know what? Fuck it. Lean in and I'll tell you. Just.... don't spread it around."
>Norman and Brawly lean in.
>You didn't.
>You already knew of course.
>"Okay, remember how I left that party with them two weeks ago?" he whispers.
>The two of them nod.
>"We went back to their apartment, we banged, and two weeks later all three of them come up to me with positive pregnancy tests."
>Their eyes widen.
>"Oh shit...." Norman says, awestruck.
>"Wow... You done fucked up." Brawly replies.
>Anon sighs.
>"I know. I told them to go screw off."
"Dick move, by the way."
>He glares at you.
>"I get it, I fucked up."
>I really don't think he does.
>He turns back to the two of them.
>"They've got my parents believing they're poor Mexican immigrants or some shit like that."
>What?
"Why?"
>He snorts.
>"To get sympathy, what else? But I know the truth. What they really want is money."
>Norman gestures towards Anon.
>"So what did your parents DO to make you look like shit?"
>"Aside from lecturing me for two days? No games, no TV, no laptop. They're forcing me to get a job the moment graduation comes three months from now so I can help support the Dazzlings. No summer break or college for me. It was either that..."
>He sighs.
>"Or they kick me out."
>Damn.
>Your eyes widen.
>You glance at Norman and Brawly, who look similarly awestruck.
"Wow...."
>He looks down.
>"Yeah, wow."
>Norman pats him on the back.
>"My condolences."
>You snort.
"We warned you."
>Anon glares at you, then sighs again.
>"Yeah. You did. And I didn't listen."
>Wow, he isn't even getting defensive like he usually does...
>And now you kind of feel like a dick.
>You sigh.
"Look, man. I'm sorry for rubbing it in your face like thi-"
>Anon cuts you off.
>"No.... no. You were right to."
>Damn.
>He usually NEVER admits when you're right!
>Of course, the moment is ruined when you hear chuckling.
>Ominous chuckling.
>"Besides, this isn't over."
 
>Brawly shoots your mutual friend a worried look.
>"Anon, what are you talking about?"
>The chuckling resumes.
>"What? You think I'm just going to take this like a bitch? No..."
>He looks up, a deranged look in his eyes.
>Oh no.
>You knew that look.
>It was the crazy look.
>"This means WAR."
"Anon, don't do anything else you're going to regret."
>He shakes his head.
>"Of course not. But I'm going to need help with this...
>You shake your head.
"Well leave me out of it."
>"Yeah no."
>"Me neither."
>Anon scowls.
>"Oh come on! I need to expose them for the gold-digging bitches they are."
>Norman snorts.
>"What then? You'll still have three kids to take care."
>"No, I wont."
>You put your hands up.
"Okay, now I REALLY don't want to be involved in whatever schemes you have planned. In fact, I feel like I should warn someone."
>Anon sighs, rubbing his temples.
>"I-It's not like that. Guys, I have no delusions about the type of person I am. I would fuck up any kid that got saddled with me as a parent. They'd probably grow up to be a serial killer or something."
>You scoff.
"Bullshit. You just want to avoid taking responsibility."
>Anon glares at you.
>"I'm being serious."
"So am I. Anon, you can't run away from your problems forever."
>He grunts, his head in his hands.
>"Well at least help me with the Dazzlings?"
>Norman snorts.
>"What then?"
>Anon stares at them.
>"I'd put the kids up for adoption. What else? Did you think I was going to try and make the Dazzlings miscarry or something?"
>Brawly scratches the back of his head.
>"Honestly? Yes."
>Anon rolls his eyes.
>"Even I'm not that fucked up."
>You sigh.
"I don't like that answer. That's still avoiding the issue. You knocked them up, its only right you raise the kids. Because the Dazzlings certainly won't do it right."
>He groans.
>"You sound like my parents."
>Asshole.
>You roll your eyes.
"That's because I'm actually a decent human being."
 
>He gives you the stink eye.
>"Really? You're just going to lord your moral superiority over me like a jackass? At a time like this?"
>What?!
>You glare back at him.
"I'm the jackass here? I think you should take a closer look in the mirror."
>"You were the one who suggested putting them up for adoption before when we talked in the bathroom."
>Oh.
>That's right.
>You did say that.
"Err... Sorry."
>Anon shakes his head.
"It's fine. So will you help me?"
>You, Norman, and Brawly glance at each other.
>You still had a feeling it would be a bad idea to help him with this.
>Norman takes a deep breath.
>"Okay."
>Your head snaps toward him.
"What? Why?"
>"Look. I'm willing to help him with the Dazzlings, because no kids deserve magic fish monster things as their mothers. I don't agree with putting them up for adoption afterwards, but I also think its wrong to try and force him to raise the kids when he really doesn't want to. Parenting should be a choice."
>Anon slowly smiles at that.
>"Thanks Norman."
>He turns to you and Brawly.
>"What about you two?"
>You shake your head.
"I'm not doing this."
>His smile disappears.
>"Why?"
"I'm not going to help you fight some kind of 'shadow war' with the Dazzlings. This sounds like its going to lead to nothing but complicated bullshit."
>He frowns.
>"I never said it would be easy."
>You shake your head.
"This isn't about easy. This is about what's the right thing to do."
>Anon's frown turns into a scowl.
>"Really. You're doing this again?"
>You nod.
"Yes. I am."
>He turns to Brawly.
>"What about you?"
>Your band's drummer scratches the back of his head, and sighs.
>"I'll do it. But only to keep you from going too far with this."
>Damn it.
>Anon nods.
>"Then this is it. Three of us, versus three of them. Its fitting."
>Unfortunately.
>You figured if he had less people on his side he might be less inclined to do this.
>You look at Brawly and Norman pleadingly.
"Guys, don't do this. Its going to end badly."
 
>Both of them look at you apologetically.
>"Sorry, man."
>"He's a jerk, but the Dazzlings are literally hundreds of years old and had us all under mind control."
>Anon looks at you.
>"Are you going to be in my way?"
>What?
>You blink.
"What do you mean?"
>His eyes narrow.
>"I think you know exactly what I mean."
>What?
"Anon. You're scaring me."
>He snorts.
>"Look. The Dazzlings are bad news. You know. I know it. The whole damn school knows it. The only reason Principal Celestia hasn't released any footage of the Battle of the Bands to the government is because it would also hurt that Twilight girl, Sunset Shimmer, and their friends."
>He nods resolutely.
>"I don't even want to kill them. I just want them to leave me, and my family, alone."
>You just stared at him silently.
>You picked up your food tray.
>You stood up, and started to walk away.
 
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END OF PART 3