Title: [ONLY FOR EYES OF NEW PARENTS] Author: Anonymous Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/6frqyj9E First Edit: Wednesday 23rd of December 2015 12:37:25 AM CDT Last Edit: Wednesday 23rd of December 2015 12:37:25 AM CDT Dear citizen of [YOUR TOWN NAME HERE], we at the Center About Genetical Ensurement have recieved your notice of pregnancy and wish to congratulate, gift and instruct as you bring your new child into this wonderful world under this glorious system of establishment.   Your instructions are as follows:     Attached with your package is The Genetically Altered Yokel system or just "GAYs", which is an in utero program that allows you to choose what your child will look like. Please follow these steps.   1. Pick a gender 2. Pick a race (Human, Pony, Centaur, Griffon, Mutant) 3. Pick other things like, build, size and colors 4. Pick a name.   On birth of your GAY children, please read from the attached Direct Invokation Casebook of Knowledge Skills or DICKS, which gives the strengths of your new child. We have even described each for you, to make the choosing simpler.   There are 5 different catagories with 25 available upgrade points for.       1. Strength: Allows for more HP and Storage space. 20/40 per point     2. Intellect: Allows for faster learning and more insight among other perks         0: Special kind of Special: No one takes you seriously, and you can't learn anything         1-3: Slow: It takes you twice as long to learn something         4-6: Average: Takes you a normal time to learn something         7-9: Genius: Takes you half the time to learn something     3. Confidence:  Allows for passive perks as well as battle bonuses, depending on the level.         0: No one takes you seriously and are mostly disgusted with you         1-3: Shy: You don't gain any bonuses         4-6: Confident: You gain Charm and Speech bonuses         7-9: Idol: You recieve Battle Bonuses.       4. Perception: Allows for noticing minute things, and being in tune with your senses         0: You are essentially just a walking tomato         1-3: Dull: You are dim witted and clumsy         4-6: Aware: You have well enough senses to navigate the world         7-9: Hyperaware: You are aware of things even before they happen     5. Luck: [STATEMENT RETRACTED BY ORDER OF THE FATED ABSOLUTE KING OF EVERYTHING]         0: You are the stuff of legends         1-3: Unlucky: Bad things often occur to you         4-6: Lucky: You have favor in most things         7-9: How did you even?: Everything comes out in your favor.   Parents can choose to order a gift to their new child, which gives them certain stat perks, however that is left to the discretion of you, the parents.     1. Stretch Doll: Adds +1 Strength     2. Book of Math: Adds +1 Intellect     3. Fancy Mirror: Adds +1 Confidence     4. Magic 8 Ball: Adds +1 Perception     5. 4 leaf clover: Adds +1 Luck     6. Nothing: Stats remain same   Children who are born with any stat above 6+ are visited by the Handicapper Attorney General to be handicapped. If you choose to make your child special, then you must choose which handicap to give to it.  However, if one stat is lower than average, this evens out and there is no need for handicapation. (E.g. Strength 7, Intellect 3) [STATEMENT RETRACTED, ALL NEW CHILDREN WHO HAVE STATS THAT ARE 7+ MUST AND WILL BE HANDICAPPED AS PER ORDER OF HANDICAPPER ATTORNEY GENERAL]     1. Crippled: -1 Strength and must choose what limb to be crippled.             1. Legs: Can't run too far: HP drop             2. Arms: Can't lift too much: Weight Limit drop     2. Dumbed:  -1 Intellilect and must choose what must be limited             1. Memory: Can only learn a set amount of skills before forgetting them             2. Aptitude: Can only learn a set amount of skills.     3. Belitted: -1 Confidence and must choose what sort of disability.             1. Shamed: You can't use Battle Bonuses             2. Uglied: You can't use Charm Bonuses     4. Desensitized: -1 Perception and must choose what disability             1. Blinded: You can't see shit Captain!             2. Deafened: You can't hear shit Captain!             3. Muted: You can't use Speech skills               5. Cursed:  -1 Luck and must choose what disability             1. Social: People/animals will tend to dislike you             2. Chaotic: Bad things will often happen to you.     6. Choose not to be handicapped: You refuse to handicap your character             1. People will be envious of you, and begin to question the system, which makes you a criminal at all times until you are no longer special.   At the age of 5, a child should undergo his/her Behavior Under Timed Trial exam or BUTT exam to figure out what kind of person they are. They can score a 0-10 on the exam, and each refers to a certain point of the Keeping A Realistic Mental Attitude point system or KARMA. This is what you'll tell them.     0: Literally Satan (People will always fear/hate you, and no one will help you.)     1-3: Bad Guy (Certain people will despise/attack you, others will defend you.)     4-6: Nuetral (You aren't a good guy, but you aren't bad either. Everyone will tolerate you, but no one will go out of their way to aid you)     7-9: Good Guy(Certain people will despise/attack you, others will defend you.)     10: Saviour: (People will always idolize you, and do what they can to help.)   Then at 10 years, the child will undergoe a Figment At Time Evening or FATE dream that will give them a path to choose.This is what you'll tell them.     Happy Smiles: Wants to spread World Peace       Crumbling Building: Wants to destroy the system       Firey Field: Wants to destroy the World       Tumbleweed: Do whatever they feel like     Skeleton Horse: (Only occurs with 1-3 Luck) Try to survive     Golden Horse: (Only occurs with 7-9 Luck) Rule the World     No Dream: You have no FATE other than to live, and mate.   Following this, a child should be given a Nuero Underlying Test Sequence or NUTS to see if any potential mental problem will arise. This is what you'll tell them. 30% chance of having a disease that you get to choose     Schizophrenic: You'll see things differently, and have many opinions (+1 INT, -1 STR)       Depression: You'll just never see the good in life (+1 STR, -1 CON)     BiPolar: You shift back and forth between moods (+1 CON, -1 INT)     Anxious: You are always on edge about everything (+1 PER, -1 LUK)     ADHD: You are always hyperactive (+1 LUK, -1 PER) 10% chance of In rare cases, Severe Mental Diagnosis can happen, but only in certain situations.     Duality: You'll eventually split into multiple persons within your head ( Stats shuffled every level)     Dysmasthia: Everything is awful: (Stats will never grow: However people will feel too sad to help/hurt you.)       Psychosis: [Statement retracted] (Stats will raise twice as fast, however people will ALWAYS be afraid of you.) 60% chance of having no mental issue and stats remain constant at normal rate.   The previous has been redacted by the Fated Absolute King of Everything, if your child should undergo a Figment at Time Evening or an anomoly Nuero Underlying Test Sequence, immediately report this to your most local Deputy Of Good where your child will be sent to a re-education program at the Center Of Never Failing Others Reasearch and Materials.     At age 15, a child who has been properly raised will recieve a message from the Fated Absolute King of Everything  to commemorate them into the working world. then they will undergo their Latent Intent Exam to figure out what "Class" of person they will be. Please provide to them the following 5 items for them to choose.     1. Wand: Those who choose this will become Great Mages, with the ability to cast spells and use the elements themselves!             Works best with INT based Characters.             Triangle: Range: Vary  Defense: Weak  Availibility: Limited with need to learn more.     2. Gun: Those who choose this will become Gunsmith, with the ability to use any sort of firearm they come across             Works best with PER based Characters.             Triangle: Range: Long  Defense: Med  Availibility: Limited with need to find ammo.     3. Sword: Those who choose this will become Swordsmen, with the ability to learn multiple styles!             Works best with CON based Characters.             Triangle: Range: Med Defense: Med Availibility: High     4. Boxing Gloves: Those who choose this will become Master Grapplers, with the ability to tackle any foe, regardless of size!             Works best with STR based Characters.             Triangle: Range: Short Defense: High Availibility: Limited with need to Battle constantly     5. Mirror: Those who choose this will use other means to find battles, including not fighting them at all               Works best with LUK based characters.             Triangle: Range:N/A Defense: Low Availibility: Infinite.   Here is a helpful tutorial as you and your child decide which class they would like to be.       Magic is Strong against Sword, weak against Gun and nutral to Melee     Gun is Strong against Magic, weak against Melee abd nuetral to Sword     Melee is Strong against Gun, weak against Sword, and nutral to Magic     Sword is Strong against Melee, weak to Magic and Nuetral to Gun.         Mirror Characters however are Weak/Strong against all.     At this point, they can choose what skills they wish to have, which will allot them Skill Level Aptitude Variance Equivolents or SLAVE points (25) out of a list of skills.     Skills:         Speech: The ability to woo your friends and foes alike!         25: Speech Checks NPCS         50: Speech Checks Enemies         75: Call to arms NPCS [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: Lay down your arms Enemies [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Smithing: The ability to craft new items and skills!         25: Tinkerer: Figure out what ingrediants are needed for crafting         50: Craftsman: Be able to make shoddy replicas that fail 25% of the time         75: Artisan: Be able to make Items perfectly! [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100:Blacksmith: Be able to make refined items that work twice as well as normal ones. [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Tech: The ability to understand technology and the world around you.           25. user: Can use Computers!         50. Savvy: Can Hack Computers! [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         75: Admin: Can access entire network Systems! [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: I AM A.M.: Can turn control any technological based object/source. [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Smarts: The ability to think of new ways to do things.         25: Savant: Find alternate paths, solutions, and be able to have hints         50: Breakthrough: Know 25% of solutions asked.         75: Eureka!: Automatically know solution when asked         100:As it were: You can write your own solutions!   [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]       Bartering: The ability to buy and sell at altered prices!         25: In The Know: Stores give you a 10% discount         50: Smooth Seller: Stores will buy your items for 25% more         75: Stock Broker: NPC are willing to buy/sell from you. (Stacks with ITK and SS)   [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: Merchant Man from a Desert Land: All entities are willing to buy sell from you (Stacks with ITK and SS)  [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Finesse: The ability to physically prove yourself capable!         25: Sprinter: Items weigh 10% less         50: Aeorbic: Items weigh 25% less         75: Leaper: Items weigh 50% less [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: Superman: Items weigh 85% less [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Charm: The ability to make people see your side of things         25: Flirt: 1/4 chance NPC will be charmed by you which opens up new paths         50: Seduce: 1/2 chance NPC will be charmed by you which opens up new paths         75: Allure: 1/4 chance Enemy will be charmed by you which opens up new paths [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: Lucifer's own Tongue: 100% NPC's will be charmed by you, 1/2 chance by Enemies.   [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Guts: The ability to take certain pains and struggles better!         25: Bronze: Battle Damage reduced by 10%         50: Iron: Battle Damage reduced by 20%, Environment Damage reduced by 10% [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         75: Steel: Battle Damage reduced by 50%, Environment Damage reduced by 50%  [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: HUGE GUTS: Battle Damage has 1/4 chance of being completely nullified, and a 3/4 chance of being reduced by 50%:Environment Damage no longer exists. [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]     Sneakiness: The ability to do naughty things without being seen! (Note, if you are seen, your KARMA will drop!)         25: Lockpick (You can enter certain rooms that are locked) [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         50: Pickpocket: Steal items from Merchants and NPCs!  [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         75: Burgalize: Steal items from Enemies! (raises KARMA if seen)  [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]         100: Master Thief: Lockpick, and Pickpocket no longer lower KARMA if seen [THIS SKILL IS FORBIDDEN BY THE HANDICAPPER ASSOCIATE GENERAL]   Then on their 18th birthday, the now grown child should recieve its Duty Of Ordinary Matters, which often involves going on a quest for some arbitrary quest for the something of somewhere. Just make sure it involves being more than 50 feet from the home village, and preferably as dangerous as possible. While it is true that most new adults will not make it past their first quest, the few who do, will go on to be great members of this glorious system ruled under our Fated Absolute King of Everything and Handicapper Attorney General.   This is now the end of your supplementary package, have a very happy parenthood, and remember. We are always watching you.   P.s. Remember Everyone Sitting In Seat Thirteen.