"ihtg"
By robblu (https://pastebin.com/u/robblu)

URL: https://pastebin.com/24EufS52
Created on: Monday 22nd of June 2015 10:04:36 PM CDT
Retrieved on: Saturday 31 of October 2020 03:44:26 AM UTC



It Has to Go
by Quisilla


Maria sat naked in the empty tub, tears streaming down her face and shaking body. "It has to go," she whispers once again. She knows she has to be a big girl, finish what she started out to do, as her mother is always keen to point out. Her eyes dart around, glancing here and there, seeing things through blurry eyes. They stray across her new breasts, they are big and small. In the years to come they wont fill out an A cup, but today they are the largest in her grade. She recalls how they stood out in the new bikini her mother had bought, a 'big girl's' bikini. She had had difficulty tying the tiny strings that held it in place, and together. Her mother commenting to every one how 'grownup' it made her look. For the first time she could recall men looked at her, at 'them.' Even her father had looked at them, smiling at her, whispering in her ear, 'you look beautiful,' which made her cheeks burn, but also made her very happy; a smile formed on her lips. Her father had finally noticed her. She truly loved them, but 'It has to go.' 

Her eyes drift down to 'It,' poking out as if she were a 'boy'. The smooth skin on the small mound above is tinted pink. Her mother had finally allowed her to join her and her older sister when they went to visit Kim. She had never known what they did at Kim's, but they always seemed to be happy and giggly when they returned. She on the other hand felt anger, jealousy, resentment. Seemingly out of the blue her mother had let her join them, to be grown up, no longer 'too young.' She thought it all strange, but all the mystery intrigued her. Before they left for Kim's, her mother had given her a couple aspirin, saying how it would make it hurt less. This scared her more than a little, but she so wanted to go and 'know'; nothing would stop her. Kim was a beautician, she removed ugly body hair from down there. Maria had always hated the hair that sprouted seemingly overnight. She hadn't known until then why she had hair when her mother or sister didn't. It had made her feel ugly, like a boy. Now she was a girl, a woman, well almost. She recalled the pain, but was a 'big girl' about it. When Kim was done, she had looked down at her handy-work and commented to her mother, 'She really is a BIG girl now," both sharing knowing glances and giggles. 'It has to go.'

Then today, that 'S' word again. She didn't know what it meant, but she knew what it meant. This time from the lips of Carmen, the most beautiful and popular girl in her grade. She so wanted to be like her, with her nice cloths, big house, trips to fun and exciting places, always with something exciting to tell everyone. Maria had no way of knowing Carmen was merely jealous of her, of 'them'. Marie's mother used the 'S' word, as did her sister, but only when they talked about women they truly disliked, women who dressed a certain way, in a way that men really liked. She knew she didn't want to be a slut. She hoped the four aspirin worked better than the two. It has to go.

Her trembling hand slid down to It, grasping it between her fingers. She feels its firmness, she feels it throb in response to her touch. Her mind drifts back to when she was six, playing house with her neighbor. She was the wife, Julie the husband. Julie had seen her parents 'wrestling' naked in bed, and want to do the same with her. She so want to please Julie, to be grownup. They had removed their cloths, slipped under the covers, and wrestled. It was a hot day, they were sweating, Julie was on top, the husband. It had come alive, it had throbbed, wetness had flowed from down there. She had her first orgasm. They played their secret game almost every day that summer until she and her mother had witness two women kissing. Her mother had become visibly angry, saying 'fucking lesbians' under her breath. The games came to an end. It has to go.

More recently, it had started to throb almost all the time. Even before her first period, yes, she had had that too, though no one but her mother knew, it would wake her in the night, throbbing. She couldn't help touching it, but it brought back memories of wrestling with Julie. She had more orgasms, but even more guilt. She didn't want to be a lesbian. Then there was the day when she was home alone, it had started throbbing, the armrest on the couch had soothed the ache, at least until her mother and Aunt Jessica had walked in on her. Her mother has smacked her butt, screaming for her to go to her room. It has to go.

Her other hand holds the cold hard lifeless knife. She knows how sharp it is, her mother was always commenting how the most dangerous knife was a dull knife, then warned her never to touch. She was touching it no, and was about to use it. The tears stopped, her eyes cleared, her body become calm, her hands no longer shacked. 'It' on the other hand throbbed even more, as if knowing it was beating its final beats. Maria looked on, as if watching someone else, her hand pulled It out, she pulled even more, It hurt. The cold knife touched the heat. There was an intense burning sensation, she bit her lip, she tasted blood. She blinked, she smiled, It was gone.

Maria doesn't know why, but she bled very little, a pad now absorbed the few drops that appeared. Her mother noticed how happy her daughter was when they sat down to dinner that evening, but Maria had only said she was remembering something that had happened at school. Maria knew now she was truly a woman, a woman approved of by her mother and father, and since they had never mentioned It, they would never know It didn't exist anymore. She slept through the night, no more distracting throbbing to awaken her.