"LUKEWARM: EPISODE 1"
By mixedupDiscord (https://pastebin.com/u/mixedupDiscord)

URL: https://pastebin.com/CZeF0VXs
Created on: Friday 14th of November 2014 01:03:39 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Monday 26 of October 2020 12:52:21 AM UTC


WIP

A green, neat haired colt of grey fur is seen packing a travel case, in his bedroom. A jaunty tune plays on the radio by his window sill. The blinds drawn down but open for the dusk sunlight to linger in. The room is neat, somewhat orderly. A marshmallow gun, or gameboy carelessly strewn on the green carpet floor, but no more of a mess. Hung on the walls are picture frames of good times, with friends, with neighbors, at parties, at ceremonies. Our packing pony puts away the essentials; clothing, tooth brush, map, list of phone numbers, etc. And of course some personals; deflated sock'em boppers, groucho glasses, only his best comicbooks and etc. A photograph of his sweetheart is taken from a small standing portait frame and covetously tucked away into his pocket.
He sings along with the radio song. Thinking only about how much better life is going to be after this move
"Life, what'a thrill in the big Hat of ManeHatten"
"A drink to good friends and friendly games, throw away all the worries'n sadness"
"Cuz ManeHatten's the town made for the classy, the chassies and the catties livin' it up in their gowns"
"Manehatten's the place, Slow down time so we can walk at your own pace." 
"With'a darlin in your arms to watch the city ponies race"
"Manehatten, Manehatten, Manehatten, what a place to stay"
"For'a future I can't wait"
"Manehatten, Manehatten, Manehatten, time out there will be fun, better not be late-"

A Motherly voice interrupts our talented singer. "LUKE SWEETY! YOUR GIRLYFRIEND IS HERE SHOULD I SEND HER IN! ARE YOU DECENT!" Her voice carries through the house walls, she yell from the other side of their house
Luke calls out in response "YES MOM! I'm DECENT YEESH!" although abashedly "AND YOU CAN CALL LAVENDER BY HER NAME MOM! WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR FOUR YEARS!"
"OKAY LUKEY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!"

The door opens in a slow creek. The regal purple tint Mare in her modest deep blue dress and simple dark mane walks in, a blush painting her face.
Luke Warm with enthusiasm greets Lavender with a hug, pecking her with a kiss, and then shutting the door behind them.
"Hi Lavey! I'm just about finished packing my stuff. Are you ready for Manehatten! huh!" Luke returns to his packing, he spruces up his room all the while.
"Its going to be the best. Just you and me, sharing an apartment, exploring the big city, meeting tons of new characters! Aren't you excited!"
Lavender opens her voice to speak but is shut be Luke
"I know its like a whole new world! All I know is Stinky old Ponyville an- Well okay I'm being too hard on it"
She raises a hoof "Uhm Luke?"
"But Manehatten! Well its Manehatten, theres so much to do! Go to a show, dance at a concert, midnight strolls, I hear their parks are just beautiful!"
"Yes.. I'm sure it'll be great Luke."
"Won't it Lavey. I can't wait!" Luke ambles to his radio to turn off the music
"Lukey I'm-"
"And it'll just be the two of us, fending off the world. You and me" Luke grabs hold of Lavender's hooves and his walks her to his bed for them to sit. "Just how excited are you Lavey, to begin the rest of our life."
Lavender grips Luke's hooves harder. He can't tell quite why, but he pays it no mind. Until a silence passes without answer. And Luke waits on her. Funny thing she hasn't looked him in the eye since she got here.
"Luke I'm sorry.."
"W-wait whats wrong."
"..I'm sorry luke" more uncomfortable silence passes. Luke takes his time organizing his thoughts. but Lavender answers sooner than he'd wish "I'm not going."
"Why."
"I'm sorry.." the sounds of quivers in her voice due to an emotional ball lodged in her vocal chords.
"its okay, its okay, its okay, Lavey just tell me whats wrong."
"I can't go Luke.. I- I got accepted to Celestia's School of Gifted Unicorns."
"Oh.." Luke feels his elation deflate. His heart pumping with love and vigor now drums a slower tune.
"Well. That's good. That's great, I'm so happy for you." Luke raises his hooves to her shoulders, caressing Lavender compassionately. "We'll still see eachother, I can write to you, we've both got email. And Canterlot isn't -so far away from Manehatten, I'll take the train, everything will be fine. And we'll still be together."
"No Luke, please." Tears begin their gradual journey in Lavender's eyes. The ball in her throat ever more present "We can't be together.."
"Okay why. Tell me the problem Lavey and I'll fix it."
"Its not like that"
"Then what is it"
"I can't" 
"please talk to me Lavender."
"..."
"..."
"I don't want to be with you luke"

Luke's heart had fallen. It sank deep into his bowels. The feeling like as if his heart was dragging the rest of him into somewhere sickly, and dark
"You're breaking up with me.." Luke breaks eye contact. retracting his hooves back into his own personal space. "Why, what did I do?"
"..Luke you just.. well you drink far to-"
"I'll stop" Luke grabs her hooves again with a glimmer of hope in his pupils "I'm done drinking. I'm a sober Stallion now. Look at me Lavey"
She retracts her hooves. "Its not just that luke! You're dumb, and you do dumb things. Especially when you're with your friends. And you're going to more of those parties."
"Why are you doing this."
"Please Luke. Please. I love you but we're going in two different directions in life."
"We've talked about living with each other since freshman year, and I only drink at parties. Please Lavey don't do this."
"I have to."
"We can make this work."
"It won't work"

"AND JUST WHO THE FUCK SAYS SO!" Luke explodes into rage. Up from his bed he paces the room in frustration
"You passed out on my porch just a week ago. There was vomit."
A nerve turns Luke's head back to Lavender "OH So its your Dad then. Hes always hated my guts and I fucking postrated myself apologizing to him"
"No, I've been wanting this for a while Luke."
"And you fucking tell me now! Of all the god damn days in the calender, You tell me now!"
"I thought the depression would keep you fro-"
"Bullshit! Just fucking bullshit! You were too scared to see how I'd react so you put it off to the last minute."
"Luke please"
"Please what, just please fucking what?"
"..I'm leaving now Luke, I really am sorry."
Lavender approaches LukeWarm for a final hug. He rejects.

The door slams behind him. Dusk has passed, and the room shades itself in moody blues.
Luke stands still for the moment, where Lavender would of hugged him. contemplating. Brooding.
He knocks everything off the counter of his dressy. A mess scattered onto the floor.
The desser comes next, toppling onto the decorative devices, its thrown from its spot by Luke's inconsolable rage. crushing the once beloved memories. After the dresser Luke throws himself to the ground in wild sobbing.
Holding himself
Like he would fall into hell if he hadn't
His head rubbing onto the comfortable fluff of his floor. Mucus and tears fertilize the carpet furs. A picture comes to face him. An image of comraderie. It was the picture of Luke and his four best mates coming together on his sixteenth birthday to introduce hard cider.

"Those motherfuckers.."
Luke storms out from his room, nearly knocking his mother over who concernedly leaned over the door about to knock
"Lukey Wukey? Sweety? Whats wrong? Is there something a'matter you can talk to me."
Luke doesn't respond. Adament in his march towards the household's front door.
"Luke Please, talk to me. Its alright"
No answer
"Hay, how about I whip up some cookies and we can watch those raunchy movies you were telling me about. That sound like fun. huh dear?"
Luke, a few steps from the door, he can't hear a thing his mom is saying, over his anger.
"Luke I want to help you please don't go without talking to me first!" She grabs his hind leg, but Luke pulls out from her grasp easily. The door opens as quick as it slams shut.
"Luke!"

Luke opens the fence gate, taking his bike out from the yard to begin riding down the moonlit roads. Biking down the dirt roads Luke careened by more than the usual crowd of wistful teenagers and ambling elderly. So many of ponies were about the night, odd given the time. Luke couldn't bother to care, his focus changing between the sensation of fast wind and inner turmoil.
The bike is toss aside carelessly onto a grassy lawn, after Luke lands at by porch walk. A stubborn march onto the stoop and the front door is thrown open. The sound of humor and beer in the rhythm of a pong game welcomes Luke in.
"Hey Lukes hows-"
Luke flips the table
"Hay!-"
and Luke wrestles his bestest friend to the ground, throwing his weight on Capsule Carbonate as they crash onto the floor. Capsule's baseball cap bounces off his brown hair at impact.
"SHE LEFT ME!!" Luke roars
The two struggle with each other for a few moments. It wasn't long before their two remaining fellows follow in to tear the two apart from each other. Soft Tether flexes his wings with difficulty, Corn Fred has an easier time pulling out Capsule.
CF- "Luke get a hold of yourself."
ST- "What Happened?"
Luke calms his struggling, his anger transforming into grief. "Lavender left me!" Some sobbing escapes his breath "Cuz of the drinking and d-doing stupid shit." Soft Tether lets luke onto the floor paneling, he steps back for a drink. Corn fred, does the same and falls back onto the living room couch. Capsule, ganders at luke with a remorseful expression. "A-and n-n-now I'm going to ManeHatten alone, and I don't know what to d-d-"
Corn Fred gets up from the couch "C'mon Luken, pull yourself together" he pulls Luke up from the floor by the arms.
Despite standing Luke is as sullen as ever.
CF- "Okay, so Miss Current dumped you for drinkin, that right?"
Luke sniffs the tears back in
LW- "Mostly, I think. A lot of it I think was she's mad at the stupid stunts we pull."
CF- "Kay, so shes mad at the drinkin"
LW- "Yeah.."
CF- "An' tellin her you'd quit didn't fix it?"
LW- "No.."
CF- "Well, shucks.." Corn fred sits back on the couch for thinking. 

Capsule Carbonate is sitting at the foot of the couch. He's spent these moments collecting words, but can't find anything good enough to say. "Luke. Dude. I'm really sorry. Thi-" Luke interrupts "No its cool, it's not your fault Caps. I shouldn't of tried taking this out on ya." he fiddles with a capital "L" soldiered onto his chain necklace.
CC -"Look, you don't have to go to Manehatten alone. I'll come with." Luke face lightens up, not expecting that response "R-really, thats. That'd be awesome. Thanks Caps."
Some silence passes for idle contemplation. Clinking can be heard from the kitchen.
CF- "We should do somethin."
CC- "Thats what I'm thinking. Luke's leaving tonight."
LW- "Wait, do what? Whats there to do."
CF- "Dumbass, you gotta get your girl back. Do something romantic."
CC- "And showy."
CF- "Yeah, This yer last day luke, time to lay down all the cards."
LW- "But?"
CC- "Luke you've seen the movies, colt loses mare, colt sulks over mare, but at the end he comes out with fireworks, and flowers, and singing." 
LW- "Singing?"
CC- "And you know what happens he gets the mare"
Corn Fred nods along with all that Capsule says "Thats right"
CC- "You can sing Luke, and you can play the piano. I've seen you in band class, you're great."
LW- "Yeah but I get stage fri-"

Soft Tether comes back into the circle of friends, with a tray of shot glasses. "Everybody! I got the refreshments." Corn Fred enthusiastically stretches from the couch to grab a glass. "Thank Celestia, Now! we can get to brainstormin."
Soft hands everyone their drink, when offered to Luke he pushes the glass away.
LW- "No guys I can't drink, didn't you hear what I just said."
CF- "Alright, but we're already near the bottom of the barrel here, so no stoppin' us"
The three pour the shot down their mouths. Reluctantly, Luke waits a moment before doing so too. They flex their mouths after with vigor.
The group refreshed and ready to tackle the serious troubles brought to them, soft Tether points to the the 'L' Luke has been fiddling with on his necklace. "Aye whats that."
Luke holds out the metal 'L' fondly "Oh, This is a little something me and Lavey made in metal shop one day, She's got one too."
CF- "You know Lumber Jack's sign gotsa 'L' lookin just like that hanging on his mill."
CC- "Freddy you suggesting-"
CF- "No I was not suggestin. Jack's my uncle."
CC- "So what saying is you're chicken
Soft tether takes a seat on the couch beside Corn Fred "What you guys talkin about?"
CC- "We're trying to get Luke into the Lavender plot."
LW- "Dude shut Up! Don't talk about Lavi like that"
Corn smacks Luke upside the head "Shut it Warm, time you stop being so god damn wishy washy." Corn Fred eyes Capsule  "And We're getting yer girl back. And we're doing it without takin advantage of family members"
Luke rubs the back of his head "Ow.. dick."
Soft tether laughs joyfully "haha! okay. Yeah, you're just being a Corn Fred chicken. haha" He chuckles 
CF- "Would you Pipe down about that!"
Capsule starts laughing uncontrollably "Oh all the fire in the fucking sun! How could I forget. You always remember stuff like that Softy, no matter how gone we are!"
Soft Tether begins laugh harder at the memory.
Corn Fred becomes agitated "I said quit it! Cornsarnit! I thought we were talkin about how pathetic Warm is. Luke yer'a pussy"
Luke Warm cocks a brow at Corn Fred and shoots him a smug smirk.
CF- "Grrr!"
CC- "AHAHAHA Oh moon boobs, fuck, ow my sides! Hold up I think I still got the pictures!" Capsule gets up from the floor, his movement a tad tipsy, he bullets to his room for the pictures.
Corn Fred springs after Capsule from his couch seat. "Hay! get back here!" Soft Tether extends a hoof to trip him over. Corn hits the floor with a loud thump "DAMN IT TETHER!" Luke and soft both laugh together, Corn begins to rise up but Luke pins him down before he can. Heavy with booze, Corn struggles.

Capsule returns "PFFttHAHA Check it out!" Hes shuffling through photographs in his hooves, he plomps down onto the couch with Soft Tether, sharing the pictures with him and Luke.
The photographs involve a recent debacle of Corn Fred. One night the gang had been out drinking and engaging shenanigans. After getting kicked from a party for being too stupid They took the show out on the road. Stopping by Capsule Carbonate's house to pick up his new blend of carbonated wines. Corn Fred, particularly fond of the beverages, had a few too many when his pals convinced him he was a literally chicken during an intensive game of beer pong. Soft Tether had been carrying a bag of kettle corn with him that day. The three, Luke, Soft, and Capsule took advantage of Fred's psychosis. Leading him out into the night with a trail of kettle corn, Corn Fred bugawk'ed, harassed other animals, and indulged in other chikenry. The climax of the night transpired when Luke swiped the bag of kettle corn from Soft and hoisted himsef onto Corn Fred's back. Luke dangled the bag over his head luringly and rode him into the night "I AM THE CHICKUN RIDER!!!" Corn Fred continued his wild bugawk'ing. Property damaged ensued on the high speed chase after Luke and Corn Fred. The market place had been completely trashed that night. Luke and Corn woke up the next morning in Applejack's chicken coop, covered in cider, apples, and broken chicken eggs. Applejack and Granny Smith scolded the heck outta them, putting them to work in the fields to pay off the damages. Soft Tether and Capsule Carbonate came back to the Apple Farm later that day to explain what happened to Big Mac. Big Mac laughed, brushing it off as good ole drunken buffoonery.

LW- "Hahaha! Even my parents laughed at that one. Oh man!"
CC- "You should'a seen Big Mac's face, he couldn't contain himself!"
CF- "Ahh Dangit! come on fellas. Don't go'n tell everypony'n their folks about it! I visit the Apple Family on the holidays."
CC- "Don't worry Chicken, Mac'll just give you a hard time. He doesn't think much of it."
ST- "AppleJack was pretty pissed though."
CC- "Yeah, she didn't think it was funny."
Corn Fred's face turns into an ill contained grimace. He pulls Capsule from the couch and wrestles him onto the ground "YOU TOLD APPLEJACK!!"
Luke and Soft laugh, continuing to admire their pictures.

Luke Warm, holding the picture of himself trying to stuff eggs into Corn Fred's butt, he snakely mentions "Corn Fred you better stop being such a kill joy or we'll have to brag to everypony about how fun you really are."
ST- Oooh! Niiiice one Luke."
Corn Fred halts his rough housing with Capsule. "You ain't got the sack." Capsule Carbonate locked in a choke and a limb stretching hold speaks hastily "Try us Freddy! We're the ones who told everybody a dog pissed on Luke."
LW- "Wait you guys did that?"
ST- "Don't worry Luke, everypony laughed." Soft naively mentions.

CF- "you sons'ova-"
CC- "Whats it gonna be Corny Clucks. Are we taking Luke to the Lumber Yard or will all of ponyville discover your insatiable lust for kettle corn."
Corn Fred relents "ALRIGHT! You got me. you got me good." Corn Fred releases Capsule "Ya'll folks are evil. I forget why I even drink with ya."
CC- "Shut up Freddy, you're just as bad as the rest of us." Capsule claps his hooves together "Alright guys, grab your drinks, snacks, baggage, dildoes whatever the hay you brought into my house, get it. We're taking a field trip."

The four stallions grabbed what tinctures Capsule kept in his fridge and shoved off into the night. The moon great and full, they amble a path leading toward the more rural outskirts of ponyville. The evening had not been so lonely tonight. Ponies were still out going about their own business, despite curfew.
"Hay Luke" Capsule Carbonate ambles near Luke as they walk behind the pack. "When you told me Lavender dumped you for drinking. It made me feel like a real piece a shit."
LW- "Yeah, well, don't worry. I feel like shit too.
CC- "Haha, no dude we got you into drinking. Pressuring you into coming with us late out to have fun and I'm glad you stuck by because you're a real fun guy, since the day we met in middle-school. You're not boring and prop like everypony else in the village. They drink to relax and talk more and have a reason to dance and just boring reasons to get drunk. We drink because we like to have fun, and you understood that from the start"
LW- "haha thanks dude, but.. To be honest I've kinda been drinking before you guys.
CC- "Bullshit, you were a lightweight when we started with you."
LW- "Yeah well thats cuz I'd drink with my mom"
CC- "Did you fuck her?!" Capsule exclaims curious as he is aroused 
LW- "I wish, my mom's a total milf."

The two share a good laugh, Corn Fred and Soft Tether are too busy fussing to hear them. Tether has been telling Corn to stop worrying about what family thinks of you. Corn adamant on his stance criticizes Tether for being too cut loose and out of touch. "It gives ponies the wrong idea about who you are Tether." Bringing up an anecdote about how their high school use to think Soft was a homosexual for all of the sophmore and junior year to prove his point.

CC- "So, how'd that start happening?"
LW- "What."
CC- "The drinking and the mom."
LW- "oh yeah, yeah. well you know how when I'm off the wagon I fucking slaughter at piano."
CC- "yeah.
LW- "Theres a very good reason for that. When I was little, like real little. like 5th grade little"
CC- "yeah, yeah"
LW- "Mom started me on piano lessons. She taught me herself, apparently she use to be some classy deva back in her singing days. And at first I wasn't much good. We'd practice pretty much everyday. Mom eventually figured it out that I was playing nervous. So, she pours me a glass'a brandy, and lo'n behold we gotta young mozhart."
CC- "Shit seriously"
LW- "Yeah, you know my parents used to drink a lot right. Mom was pretty comfy letting me have a glass if it gave me confidence. So everyday, piano class, one glass, one hour. Solid fucking music." 
CC- "Should'a fucked your mom."
Lw- "Shut up dude."

"Hay." Soft calls to Luke and Capsule "What was with all those ponies hanging out at night?" They've now made it to the countryside, just an acre until Lumberyard. "Does Ponyville have a cult again?"
CC- "Nope, it Lavender's acceptance celebration tonight remember"
Soft's yellow eyes open wide and his brow furrows at the remark "Oh, yeah she told us we weren't invited."
CF- "I was invited."
LW- "Wait what the fuck, she told you guys about it too?"
CF- "Sure did, what's the surprise."
LW- "The big surprise is I've been her boyfriend for four freakin years and she tells you guys before me. I just heard today that she got accepted to Celestia's school for special snowflakes."
ST- "ssss" Tether breathes in with anticipation "eyeaaah. She also wanted us to tell you, you probably shouldn't go."
LW- "What! This is fucking bullshit when she tell you guys this"
St- "Like.. I think two weeks ago."
LW- "WHAT!"
CF- "Hay well it had to end sometime. Nobody could believe you two got hitched in the first place. It was like some sick miracle."
LW- "You better shut your trap you egg crapping piece'a-"

CC- "Shh! Everybody shut the fuck up we're here."

They arrive at a run down shack the size of Applejack's house. The acre of yard is littered with wood scrap and farm equipment. The most trashy of decorations being the rusted tractor. Our drunken posse approach the door. Capsule's got his eyes of the two big iron. 'L' labeling the top of the shack. Lumber Jack's. Soft Tether's attention drifts off to something else as he begins floating around the lumber yard.
Capsule nudges Luke with his elbow "Aye, booze monkey look."
"hm?" takes a gander at it "Cool, but. How we gonna get it down from there?"
ST- "Ain't that the million bit question."
CC- "No fretting it. A couple'a highschool brains like us can figure it out."
Corn Fred very moody and not very apt at assisting another drunken escapade. The other three stand around surveying the situation. They see a window  above the 'L' in 'Lumber'. They figure thats going to be a key point in this. But how to pry the 'L' off
CC- "Ahah! this gon be easy"
LW- "Whats the plan Cap'n?"
CC- "check it out, the letter is just close enough to the window for a pone to hang down and buck it off"
LW- "Whos gonna buck off the 'L' none of us lift"
CC- "Course not us, hitting the gym's for chumps. But we do got an earth pony"
They both turn for a look at Corn Fred, whom is leaning against shack, catching a nap.

LW- "Riiiight. Good thinking. We just get Cornflakes to bust the letter"
CC- "Yeah, Corn Fred's oughta got enough buck in him for it. Being a mud pony and all thats all they're good for"
LW- "hah yeah, earth ponies suck."

CF- "I heard my name." He says now alert "What're you two schemin"
CC- "Corn Fred I think we just figured out how you can redeem yourself in the eyes of the crew"
Luke Warm and Capsule carbonate both have snakey smiles on their faces.
Corn Fred stands up from leaning against the wall. He stands in a more defensive position than his relaxed state. "W-what is it?" He ambles closer up to them, on edge.
CC- "We just need you to get up there somehow and buck of Luke's initial you got it?"
CF- "Ah. 'n you're supposin I what. Climb up my uncle's Shack by the splinters. The thing's ready to break under the wind."
LW- "You could try knocking."
CF- "Shut it Luke. Your ideas are retarded."
LW- "The fuck man? What's stupid about saying 'how do you do partner, mind if I drop one in yer poopin parlor this evenin'" He says with a dumb hick accent "And when he's not looking you stop being a pussy and buck that L off
Corn Fred walks up and grabs luke by the collar "You lookin for a fight Warm"
LW- "Ahh. Piss off, you won't do anything we still got the pictures."
Corn Fred gets visibly pissed off. He huffs in a big show of frustration winding up with boths hooves like he's ready to punch the sky "Grrr! I can't believe I gotta be puttin up with yer shit"
LW- "I don't know whats so unbelievable about it. Putting up with a Unicorn's shit is kinda your heritage Corn."
CC- "Hah! nice one Luke"
CF- "I'll clock you one Luke Warm. After this is over just you wait."
CC- "Yeah whatever workhorse. We're gonna hang by the side. You just work on not making cluck noises" Capsule whistles toward the yard "Aye Soft Tether. Get over here its show time." Soft Tether nods and returns.

Luke, Capsule, and Soft hide by the side of the shack. Each peeping an eye to watch Corn's performance. Meanwhile Corn works out the nervous feeling in his gut before he knocks.
ST- "Its easy Corn. Just knock and don't slur your words"
LW- "Yeah stop being such a chicken"

CornFred gives them the stink eye and then turns back to the door. He gets it over with and knocks three times. For a moment theres silence, Corn is about to knock again but then he hears hoofsteps down a creaking stair.
a lock turns and the door opens.
"Corn Fred? What you doin out in mah yard so late son."
"h-hay Uncle Lumbs ah' was just takin'a stroll is all and needed to use the bathroom"
Larry clenches his nose with a hoof "gahh!" he lets out "Phew-ee Fred ur trap stinks like'a barrel'a snake oil. You been drinkin?"
A wave of embarassment washes over Corn Fred. He breaks eye contact while scratching his neck "Err yeah I been hittin the bottle."
"Ahh hell. Well Come in. Just stay away from mah eggs would'ya"
Corn Fred's face is shocked with nervous shame

Luke and the crew stand by the shack giggling like little girls. A nerve twitches in Corn Fred's forehead as he tries to muster a reply "Aa-ah yes sir. That um. erm yeah." Corn

The door slams shut. "Pffthahaha!!" Soft Tether explodes with laughter, Luke and Capsule are quick to shut his trap while fighting laughter themselves.
CC- "Yeesh, I do not envy CornFred. I don't think we could'a picked a better place to snag an initial."
LW- "Gotta say, it's pretty gratifying to watch CornFred piss himself autistic like then."
ST- "Freddy needs to learn to take it easy. He's always hanging on what his folks might think." Soft Tether says as he floats himself off the ground and starts hovering about again.
LW- "Yeah, thats just how he's always been. I don't think it's gonna ever change."
CC- "Good. I like Corn the way he is. He's got wholesome character and he's easy to piss off. Ponyville's needs his type, who else is going to do the grunt work around here."
LW- "Eh, earth ponies.."
LW- "Hay, speak of the devil."

They turn their attention to the above window where CornFred is now positioning himself. "W-whoa, Hay uh, if I fall you guys'r gun catch me right?"
CC- "No. Now stop being a chicken and get that initial. Luke's got a ceremony to crash."
LW- "Yeah dude its not even that high up. It probably just looks scary from up there"
CF- "Okay sure, but er just in case right. You fellas should be ready to catch me"
CC- "We're not going to fucking catch you dude. I Like having my ribs intact."
LW- "Yeah dude, Earth ponies are mega heavy."
CF- "Okay let me rephrase that. Ah'm not gettin this got-dang letter off my uncle's shack unless you too nimrods'r gonna make sure I don't die doin it!"
CC- "holy shit Corn stop being such a fricken pussy and hock off that 'L' "
LW- "Yeah dude I really need this c'mon be a bro"
CF- "Hay I'm standing my ground this one! At least once yall should show some res-"

"Aye just what'n the hay is goin on with that racket Corn!" Lumberjack shouts with all the authority and agitation of an old cranky family member. He's walked into the room catching glance CornFred up to his shenanigans. "What in the- Corn Fred what'r you doin. You makin off with mah eggs boy!"
LW- "whoa fuck! hurry CornyClucks clench your asshole and buck it!"
Luke's hoarse comment reaches Larry's ears "AAAH KNEW IT!! Git over here ya wacko! I'm gun beat some sense into ya!"
"Got Dammit!!" CornFred yells in frustration. He pushes his hindhooves onto the metallic sign letter, prying it off with one swoop. 
Luke backs off for the 'L' to land squarely onto the grass. "Sweet."
Cornfred comes falling shortly after, hitting the ground his rump. "OW, dang that smarts."
"YOUDANGMOTHERFUCKINPIGMANNEREDKIDSBREAKINWHATEVERYOUWANT'NYOURFOULMOUTHEDMANURESUCKINKIND'AFUCKIN" Larry just lays down the southern hospitality. 
CC- "Alright gang time we split before Mister Lumber comes after us with his musket."
LW- "Yeah, cool but -uh how we suppose to skidat with the piece in tow."
CC- "Crap.. I didn't think that one through. CornFred? You're an earth pony"
CF- "Bah! Shove it up your ass. Can't you see my flank hurts."
LW- "Yeah but you're always butthurt."
CF- "Alright that's it Warm! I'm gona give you the-"

Before Corn can finish that thought Soft Tether arrives at the scene with a wagon "Hay guys! look what I found."
CC- "Awesome!"
Luke doubletakes to Lumberjack, whose presence was now absent from the window. Luke usually isn't a very optimistic guy, but he thinks anyone would chalk that up to meaning bad news. He lugs up the 'L' onto the wagon without a word and gets dragging. Capsule and Tether follows with on hoof, and once Corn was done being a prick so did he "Hay! We're not done here Warm!"
At that same moment Larry comes barging out his front door with his musket in hoof and a deranged look in his eyes. "Don't leave me!" Fred comes running after his friends, just as his uncle gives chase.

The moon is full in the night sky and smiling down on these drunken idiots. While they ran for their lives from the mad musket hillbilly Lukewarm couldn't help but think. Wow I wish I was drunk for this.
"AH'M GONNA GET YOU VARMENTS AND WHEN I DO YER GON WISH CHICKEN WIRE WERE EDIBLE!!" the sounds of gunshots are heard as they continue their escape. Luke starts tripping over his hooves as the land begins to slope downward. Unnoticeably their wagon gains speed down the hill and carries Luke up on it. And then Carbon Capsule. And then Corn Fred. and then Soft tether who seemed to be the only one having fun. 
ST- "Yahoooooooo!"
LW- "heh.. heheh hay we're actually getting away."
Capsule turns around "Hah take that you dungplowing hick!"
CF- "C'mon Capsule don't make it worse for me."

They ride the escape wagon to freedom laughing and sharing another round of drinks. but their merry toasting comes to screaming end when a turbulent river with jagged rocks is seen ahead. They scream and shout incoherently, more out of being shitfaced rather than terror. "Wait'a tick. I can fly." Soft Tether chimes and hovers off the wagon with a flap of his wings.
CF- "Have some solidarity!" The typically envious working class pony raises his hoof angry at the lofty ponies.
"Eat shit Cornfred." the now distantly heard remark sounds from the captain leaving his ship.
Capsule and Cornfred resume hugging eachother as they scream for the hasty end of the S.S. BeerWagon while Luke gets comfortable with a bottle of wine.
The wagon is stopped by a rock at the head of the river. The sudden stop in momentum sends the party flying overhead along with their stolen initial.

LukeWarm was throat deep in romancing his wine bottle. His trajectory sends him for an abrupt crash into a balcony parlor. The sounds crashing glass and pony gasps rouses his senses. Pulling himself up he is met with caustic glares all around.
"Hay, whats the big idea!"
"What itsh'a partyyy.." Luke drunkenly squawks his goto excuse for whenever he's drunk. Fortunate for him this was a party he was crashing. He climbs over the parlor bar. The surrounding party ponies bicker and complain but Luke doesn't pay attention. He is more focused ons stumbling through every pony and table in a delirious state. He reaches the the house end of the balcony and clings to the open screen door. Inside he sees Carbon talking with a belligerent house pony and CornFred standing by pinching his forehead judgmentally. Luke turns his lazy gaze to the right and sees their initial piece had crashed into the kitchen area.
Luke steps forward, still feeling clumsy he clings to the wall and furniture of the room. Entering the kitchen he sees the big L did a number on this guy's kitchen stove.
"Oh.. shank Schelestia the lettersh'okay" Luke wraps his hooves around the metal piece and begins dragging. An earth pony in rasta gear by the beer keg walks over to bother luke. "Wooah, Hay LukeWarm whaat're you doin here? didn't you get the uninvite."
"Wha'huh I wass invited?" Luke struggles dragging against the kitchen tile. 
"Well uh haha yeah, and no. Didn't you see the signs?" The rastapony points
Luke breaks for a moment. He turns his head around to see what this pony is talking about. There were stretches of cloth hanging from the ceiling of the kitchen and the living room. All reading "Goodbye Luke and Lavender we'll miss you!" The word Luke was scratched out with marker. Luke ventures further off into the living room. There were popped Lukewarm ballons. A cake with Lavender and his face frosted onto it. Luke's face was eaten first. And when he returned to the kitchen on the fridgerator magnetic letters spelled "Nothing LukeWarm in here."

The depression was sobering "Wow.. I -uh I didn't know so many people were against our relationship" Luke laments
"Eeeeeyeah" The rastapony chuckles "She was too good for you."
Luke had a mind to slap the beer cup out of the rasta pony's hoof, however the idea came that this pothead could help him.
"Hay, you mind helping me out with this"
"Yeah, sure."

"Somepony's gonna have to pay for it!" An Angry Mare was yelling at Capsule Carbonate.
CC- "Yeah I know, Look we're real sorry about this mess. And I'm willing to reimburse you for whatever. My scholarship comes in next week."
AM- "Next week doesn't get me a stove NOW!!"
CC- "S-Simmer down Amber."
CF- "Yeah have'a beer." Corn passes her a brewsky but it's immediately slapped out from his hoof.
AM- "UUGGH! My Parent's come in the morning! What am I going to tell them."
CC- "Fuck fuck, how am I gonna get out of this one." He mutters to himself while brushing his mane back with his hooves. As Capsule tilts his head back he catches sight of Luke and Rastapone carrying the L out the balcony.
CC- "Okay, it's cool Amber. I'll just stick around here til morning. You can pin the blame on me and Corn here."
CF- "What!"
Capsule kicks Corn's shin. "Say you were just entertaining us, me and Corn were wrestling and things got out of hoof."
the Angry Mare Amber stands there arms crossed. Not looking very pleasant. "Really. Wrestling."
CC- "We can iron out the details later."
AM- "UGGHHHH. Fine.. But don't think this is an invitation for you to get plastered. I don't want to see you bufoons tou-"
"THE PARTY'S OVER!" The brawn voice of an officer erupts through the party, prompting the music to skip to a stop. Just as more officers pour in everypony experience's a flash darwinism. Ponies pushing and sprinting out of the house orifices like their lives depended on not being caught with alcohol.
Cornfred and Capsule exchange a knowing glance to eachother and follow out the balcony

Luke and Rasta pony are the far end of the balcony. They have the metal letter sit on the wood rail. Luke looks over it, seeing this pavilion was raised several feet above ground. "Fuck, well just gonna have to drop it over."
Luke sees rastapon hop over the railing "Hay, where you going dude?"
"I've got too much reef to give up mon! Good luck."
Soon after Luke is witness to dozens of ponies flooding out the balcony following rastapon's lead.
CF- "Luke! What're you waitin for. Cops are here." CornFred jumps down. Capsule arrive's shortly after too
CC- "Time to cheese it Luke" He jumps down.

Luke hastily pushes his intial over and hangs over the balcony cautious, only to fall over on his back next to the big L sitting in the grass.
When Luke gathers himself up Soft Tether has appeared lifting the heavy letter onto their recovered wagon.
ST- "C'mon Luke."
Lights flash down on the both of them like spot lights. The police were just above them hovering their flashlights. And with that they both followed the pny stampede, with the wagon in toe.

LW- "Where were you Softy?"
CT- "I was making some calls to Amber's folks."
LW- "Oh. So I guess they must of ratted the party to the cops. Harsh."
CT- "No. I called the cops too."
LW- "Oh" 
CT- "And Then I defecated on her parent's bed."
LW- "Wow Soft Tether. You're not usually the type to be such a prick."
CT- "Amber was the one spreading rumors I was gay. This was payback."
LW- "Oh shit really?"
CT- "Yeah, CornFred told me she was the one."
LW- "Man what'a bitch."

They've been on the run for half an hour now. The two see Capsule and Corn resting at a bridge over the river up ahead. "Guys!" Luke calls
CC- "Hay! You found us."
CF- "Shoot, I was hopin the night was over."
LW- "Haha nah Cornfred. We're doing this. I'm getting my Lavy back"
CC- "Well I got an idea where we can find the next initial and fireworks to boot."
St- "Sweet, we're gonna do a special effects show"
CF- "Well, it's gots to be romantic right"
CC- "Yup, Also Luke you should get brainstorming on that song, Lavender's thing starts in an hour'n a half"
LW- "Shit. Do I really have to sing a song?"
CF- "See this is why anypony would be too good for you. Whose never heard of a pony who can't sing."
LW- "Alright fuck fine, you're right Fred. I'll do the song"
CC- "Fantastic! Alright everyone lets get a move on."
CF- "Wait -uh I gotta take a leak."
LW- "Yeah I feel that firewater starting pass through me too."
CC- "Alright, good call Fred. Piss then fireworks."

The crew stands side by side relieving themselves onto the river. The sound of piss splashing into the river lasts longer than it should, even for a couple of heavy drinkers. "Softy you're not gonna take a whizz?" Capsule asks
ST- "Nope. I urinated all over Amber's bed sheets."
CC- "You are a free spirit Softy. Never change."

The four hoodlums urinated into that river for a solid 5 minutes all while discussing their next big heist. Lukewarm's previous uneasiness about the whole ordeal began to shine threw again but his friends were there to remind him that Lavender was worth it. And even if Luke came out of all this a total embarrassment and pariah ran out of the town they assured him they would be there all the way.
They left the river bridge and head north to Sweet apple acres. Crossing a fence of chicken wire they installed after the Cornfred incident the group trek through mud in the apple acres.
LW-"I think I nipped my sack climbing that fence"
CF-"Aww poor lukey wukey's got a booboo on his nutsack"
LW-"The fuck Cornfred having a scratch on your sack is a legitimate concern"
CF-"Its notta very big problem if you ask me"
ST-"Hah he got you Warm!"
Lukewarm stimeys with a nervous irritibility and Cornfred smirks like a douchebag "Cornfred's just jealous I actually have a sack to get scratch"
CF-"Luke this might be what you call one of them cultural misunderstandings, but the way I was raised scratchin your nuts wasn't something to be braggin to the folks'n jubilee"
Soft Tether snickers at the primoe bants Cornfred is delivering
LW-"Do chickens even have nutsacks, last I checked they laid eggs."
CF-"If you need'ta find mah family jewels you gotta look no further than your mother's mouth, Warm." a smile stays on Fred's face unperturbed.
LW-"Yeah! Well! You should check your asshole for more eggs I think you shoved your jewels up there too last time we were here"
Capsule Carbonate turns back to the three "Do you guys just not know how to shut the fuck up on private property?"
Before they knew it there had already crossed the white fence into the Apple Family's backyard. They enter in with trained caution and make their way directly back of the barn to search the area.
As they do Lukewarm insists they continue their discussion in hushed voices.
LW-"Your mom's a slut Confred"
CF-"Your mother ate Dick for breakfast and skipped every other meal"
LW-"Well Your mom cheats her diet for a another helping of Dick everyday"
CF-"If there were a Dickeating contest your mother would be disqualified for getting a 24 hour headstart"
LW-"I'm surprised Dick isn't a more common name, it seems to be the only thing your mom knows"
CF-"I'm not surprised you kiss your mother with that mouth considerin how much Dick she eats"
LW-"If a woodchuck could chuck wood your mom would still eat Dick!"
CC-"Guys! Shut The Fuck Up!!" Capsule Carbonate does a quick double take, from side to side of the yard "Cornfred, where's the L I thought you said it'd be here"
CF-"Yeah its here you just ain't thinkin with the right side of your brain" Cornfred ambles over to the pig feeding trow and points to it with both hooves as if he was displaying it at an auction.
CF-"Huh. Huuuh, see, pretty creative -eh"
CC-"Well it is shaped like an L
LW-"I don't know if I wanna using something pigs eat, piss, and blow chunks in to express my love and gratitude for Lavender" Luke walks around the the trow surveying it and knocking on the metal with a hoof "Kinda sends a mixed message don't ya think."
ST-"I could piss in it if it'll make you feel better"
CC-"Well in the case of such short notice, it'll have to do. You should of had your Girlfriend dump you in advance Luke."
CF-"Not every ring's a diamond."

A creaking noise sounds directly the barn door. The four idiots, just a yard infront of it freeze up in terror. The same thought streamlines their drink addled brains. Its its Big Mac they're gonna end up in the hospital. If it's AppleJack they're gonna wish they were in the hospital.
The door continues to open, almost as if in slow motion but despite this Luke and his friends are unable to react under their paralyzing fear. A yellow pegasus walks out from the door, a says in a voice like a church mouse.
"H-hello -oh my! CornFred what are you do"
In the split of a second Cornfredd appears by Fluttershy. He wrestles her down to the ground effortlessly and hog ties her legs together. Soft tether hovers hover Fluttershy and shuts her mouth with a strip of duct tape.
"Time!" Cornfred says
Soft Tether clicks his stopwatch "4 seconds."
CF-"Whoohee a personal best!"
Fluttershy is seen struggling to breakfree, to no avail.
Luke warm steps over the feeding trow and prepares to flip a bitch at Cornfred "Dude, we can't just tie Fluttershy up in bondage like this!"
The flash of a camera is sounded, Luke, Fred and Capsule turn to see Soft flapping a photograph dry "This one's going in the scrapbook" he said with an innocent looking smile.
LW-"Seriously Softy!"
ST-"OH cooome on, you have'ta admit its pretty hot."
Capsule meanders over to Soft's should to take a gander at the photograph, he then looks up to Luke "He's right Luke it is pretty hot."
"Let me take a look at this" Luke says in a gruff, he marches over and swipes the photo. Cornfred quickly appears at Luke's shoulder as they all lean in to admire the photo.
LW-"Shit that is hot. Fuck am I allowed to say that?"
CC-"Lukewarm, right now you're a single Colt."
CF-"huahuhahahe" Cornfred utters a goofy laugh like a smitten fool. "Gosh she's even prettier tied up. Shame we could get the picture with her braces. Her braces are so cute. And the-"
CC-LW-ST- "Yeah Yeah we know Cornfred" They say unison, by now used to Cornfred's infatuation with Fluttershy.
ST-"She has a such a cute frame its good that we get photos like this before she fills out, you know she's gonna be one of those mares."
LW-"The ones that grow an ass like a juicy peach
CC-"And hips that could play swing music"
CF-"And huuuge hooters.." Once and again goofy sounding
ST-"Can you imagine?"
The four switch their gaze from the photo to fluttershy so they can spend a moment imagining.
Flutter stops her struggling at the sudden staring, once the initial nervousness passes she begins kicking and thrashing her body more desperately to get free.

"Oh jeez she's got the wrong idea" Capsule utters cooly, albeit concerned "C'mon guys lets unbolt the feeding trow and scramble."
They get to work unscrewing the legs from the feeding trow, except for Cornfred who ambles over to Fluttershy's side to stroke her mane and calm her down "Now easy girl, easy. We aint gon hurt you now."
The bolts are successfully screwed off just a window goes lit from atop the barn's second story.
"Its the Apples, cheese it!" Lukewarm cries before lugging the feeding trow over the fence and Capsule helping him make a break for Ponyville.
Soft Tether hovers over Fluttershy "Now Flutters, I'm gonna undo your gag now so you can untie the rope with the mouth, but you have'ta promise you won't scream okay? ..okay."
once Flutter's mouth is stripped she gasps for air and in her oh so sweet and soft voice tells them "Go ahead. Have your way with me! Just don't hurt the chickens. No matter how rough you rut me, not even if it lasts until daybreak I won't give in and let you hurt Applejack's little chickies again. So go on! Do what you must, you nasty fiends. I'm ready for anything you can give me!"
Fluttershy bears her teeth and cringes her eyes ready for the worst. but nothing happens and she realizes they have already left before she even finished her proclamation "Ahh rats.." Shes curses.