"Under the Hood (Challenge No.30 winner)"
By fluffstory (https://pastebin.com/u/fluffstory)

URL: https://pastebin.com/vSSiunnt
Created on: Tuesday 25th of February 2020 09:23:29 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Friday 30 of October 2020 11:20:47 AM UTC


Ironweaver, June 19, 2013; 20:24 / FB 11753
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Under the Hood


By Ironweaver

“Babbehs gonna die.”

“Nuuuu!”

Damnit, Peachtree.

Your fluffy has a rather unique quirk. Whenever he sees a foal, he immediately says, “Babbehs gonna die”. Or some variation of that phrase. Sometimes it’s “Dey aww gonna die,” or “Does babbehs be ded soon.” One time it was “Ded babbehs wawkin’.” The first time you hear it you had a mild freakout, thinking that he was going to try to kill the foals in question, but he’s never tried to harm a hair on their heads.

Of course the jerks at the shelter never mentioned this, aside from a vague reference to some sort of mental trauma. Whatever it was, it’s making any sort of interaction with dams impossible. Most of your neighbors have forbade you from bringing him over for fear of what he’ll say to the foals or pregnant dams.

You’ve spoken to Peachtree over and over about this habit of his, and the only response you get is that, “Aww babbehs die in da’ end.” Attempts to convince him that this isn’t terribly polite end in failure, as he insists that he’s only revealing “da’ tuth dad aww babbehs die, by becommin big fwuffies, or jus’ dien’.”

How about that. A fluffy philosopher.

It turns out you have a better option then feeding Socrates the proverbial hemlock, as a low volt electric current should fix the problem without harming Peachtree.

Once you’ve gathered the equipment, it takes about twelve minutes to set up.

“Peachtree, I need you to come over here. I need to talk to you about telling foals that their going to die.”

“Why? Babbehs gonna die anyway.”

“Just a moment. You’ll understand in a moment.”

ZAPPP!

You seize the moment. “Peachtree, when you see a foal you be happy for it. You will not make any mention that it will die.”

His eyes contract, returning to normal, and you remove the alligator clips.

Well! That was anticlimactic.

“So how would you like to go over to see Bunny and her foals?

“Speak(“Peachtree feww funny. Ma’be wateh.”);”

What?

“Say that again, Peachtree?

“Speak(“Peachtree feww funny. Go ovah wateh.”);”

Well now you’ve done it - Peachtree is speaking in computer code. It doesn’t just happen when he speaks, but for almost everything.

At feeding time:

“CheckAppetite(75, FoodPlease[Random(0,12)]);”

When eating:

“CheckFood(AcceptableFoods[])”

And:

“ChewAndSwallow();”

When going to bed:

“Sleep(2280);”

When playing:

“Play();”

Followed by:

“Happyness++;”

It’s weird alright. Sometimes he even talks his way through a for or while loop, and once he gave you a memory address. He never tells dams that their foals are going to die, so the reset can be seen as a victory of sorts (the Pyrrhic sort of victory).

You’ve thought about resetting him again, but you’re afraid that he’s going start speaking entirely in binary.