"Fluffy on Fluffy Violence"
By fluffstory (https://pastebin.com/u/fluffstory)

URL: https://pastebin.com/yJQmB3hW
Created on: Monday 11th of May 2020 02:41:52 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Friday 30 of October 2020 11:19:37 AM UTC


Vanner, September 26, 2012; 15:44 / FB 5275
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>It's a beautiful autumn day, and you decide to take a nap outside on your back porch.
>Take off your glasses and just soak in the songs of the suburbia.
>Suburbia's not such a bad place to live really.
>Listen to the rustle of leaves, the songs of the birds...
>"Dummy fwuffies be qwuiet! Hooman munsta gonna heaw you an wake up!"
>Fluffy ponies...
>Really, you've got no beef with the fluffy monstrosities.
>They're just like any other creature, only noisier.
>They never shut up, even when instructed to by their "smarty friend."
>You open one eye to see the brightly colored herd waddling their way across your yard toward a nearby park.
>Whatever, you won't stop them.
>Even if they did get up in your face, all you'd need to do is take the hose to them, and they'd skedaddle fast as they could.
>You're about to go back to sleep when you see another fluffy waddling in from the other direction.
>This fluffy is kind of a khaki color, which isn't all that common.
>The herd stops, and the smarty approaches the new fluffy.
>"Hi nu fwiend! Wan huggies?"
>The other fluffy says nothing, but it does cock its head in a quizzical fashion.
>"You big earf fwuffy," says the smarty. "You wan be pawt hewd? Haf wots nummies! You big tuffy fwiend?"
>The khaki fluffy sniffs the fluffy before licking his face.
>"No wike wicking!" yells the smarty friend, trying to shove the other fluffy way. "Youse dummy fwuffy!"
>The other fluffy doesn't move at the fluffy's shove, and instead starts walking around, sniffing the other fluffies.
>"Nu! Get way dummy fwuffy!" yell some of the fluffies. "Dun wick fwuffy!"
>This is absurd. Who's ever seen a silent fluffy?
>Finally the smarty friend rears up and bucks the khaki fluffy as hard as he can.
>Again, the khaki fluffy barely moves, but now he actually reacts.
>His ears go flat, and the fluffy starts growling.
>Do fluffies even growl?
>Well, they do maul other fluffies apparently, as the khaki fluffy is tearing the smarty friend's face off.
>The khaki fluffy lifts the screaming fluffy into the air
>"Ahh! Nu huwt fwuffy! sowwy caww you dummy fwfuffy! Pwease put fwuffy down!"
>The khaki fluffy obliges by slamming the smarty down.
>Now the herd has gone into panic mode and scattered to the winds, screaming in terror.
>Alright, you've got to put a stop to this.
>By the time you get over to your property line, the khaki fluffy has picked up the smarty and is shaking it violently.
>You care barely hear the snapping vertebrae through the smarty's screaming.
>"Hey!" you yell. "What's your problem?"
>The khaki fluffy drops the smarty and bounds over to you.
>Only when he reaches your foot, you see he's not a fluffy at all.
>He's a dog.
>A fluffy little Pomeranian and scotty mix.
>Huh. Without your glasses, he looked exactly like a fluffy pony.
>Should have known better, since he hadn't been babbling the whole time.
>Oh well. At least he's got a collar so you can find his owner.
>He'll probably be happy to have such the cute little guy back.