"Daring Douche 02: Princess Problems - [RGiE]"
By brandnewwritefag (https://pastebin.com/u/brandnewwritefag)

URL: https://pastebin.com/A7i39C14
Created on: Friday 28th of November 2014 06:03:45 PM CDT
Retrieved on: Sunday 1 of November 2020 04:43:31 AM UTC


Where we last left off:
>Be Daring Do
>Mad dosh everywhere
>Alien stallion found in everfree. You'll probably be called in to advise.
>Lol your stallion this month is adorable.
>Only bitches use doors.
>gb2 Canterlot.

---

>Dawn of the Next Day
>Camped out on a cloud - s'no biggie
>No dreams of harems this time, which saddens you a bit.
>Better find some more lunar cult artifacts, donate them to a "worthy patron"
>The patron of "on-demand orgies all night every night"
>anyway
>Got a comfy nap AND a free shower, so you're good to go.
>Canterlot's about an hour glide from here, plenty of time to warm up.
>You give yourself a shake, still pondering how to win over the alien stallion for bits. Maybe you can write a book or two on him?
"Ugh...I still have no idea what's up with that creature. Ah well, you won't know until you go, Daring."
>Pep talk finished, you start your final leg to Canterlot
>With a satisfying *CLOP* as your hooves connect to the cobblestone streets outside the Ministry of the Interior, you strike a pose for any fans that might be around
>You receive a few gasps, some squeals, a couple hushed comments trying to verify that yes, that is daring, and no, she didn't just land on a filly
>Stallion Day Guards remain unmoved, stoically staring ahead.
>Saunter up to Door, get the "spears crossed infront of your path" block.
>Cliché
"I'm...you do know who I am, right? I'm Daring Do? Here to advise the Princesses and the Depar-"
>"No appointment, no entry ma'am. Sorry."
>You like it when they put up a fight
>Tilt helmet slightly to the side
>Position yourself strategically
>Suddenly lean/fall on stallion
"I-I'm so sorry, I flew here as soon as I got word from Manehatten... I think I'm a little exhausted."
>Stallion catches you
>unintentional groping begins
"You can help me out here, right? Give me a nice...warm place to rest? I need somepony to work out these kinks in my wings..."
>"Ma'am I'm gay."
>Celestiadamnit.
>Ok, time for plan B
>break-in.
>With a grin you hop off the stallion guard and make your way back down the steps
"Fine, I see how it is..."
>you hit him lightly in the cheek with your tail, exposing your goods
>grinningface.png
>he doesn't even flinch. 
>I guess he really is gay. Huh.
>You trot away from the main entrance and make your way down the road until you blend in with the crowd filling the streets
>well as much as you can, given than you're such a celebrity.
>Now how should you go about breaking in? I mean, you can take out the guards, but that'll hurt your image. You could always hop the gate, but Canterlot's Interior Ministry is huge, you could be wandering about for quite some time.
>Now that you think about it, you don't even know if the alien is being held here. I mean, he could be quarantined anywhere, for tartarus' sake!
>Your head meets the wall
"Ok, Daring, you might've jumped the flintlock. You can always go back to Manehatten, get laid and wait for the n-"
>a high-pitched squeal of fangirly joy breaks your train of thought.
>Another damn filly wanting an autograph? Eh. Why not, you could use the distraction.
>"I can't believe it! Are you *THE* Daring Do? Here in Canterlot?!"
"Heh, sure am ki-"
>Magenta Eyes fill your vision
"Whafuc- Gah!"
>you flail a bit in surprise, backing away until your back hits the wall
>I mean, you totally react like a hardened adventurer would
>Barely squealed like a stallion
>Breathe, Daring, Breathe.
>You look over the mare
>Rainbow mane, Blue fur, Mag- wait, this is that fangirl that watched you get mugged.
>I mean, sure, she did help you out in the end, and you included her in your books once you learned that she was a frickin ELEMENT OF HARMONY
>You tried searching for those, but never found 'em
>that explains why you couldn't steal the damn elements - they were ponies
>another story for another time
>But this means you've got a mare right infront of you that worships the ground you fly over that has access to state secrets
>You have an idea.
>with great power...
"Hey! You can help me out! I was hoping to take a good look at that mons-eer, alien thing that came out of the everfree. I might have seen more of 'em on my travels, yanno."
>...comes great opportunity.
>"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh you want to team up with me AGAIN!? I mean, yeah! Ah, who wouldn't want to team up with The Dash!" The mare gets ahold of herself and starts to posture.
>Painfully obvious she's not got a stallion if she's peacocking like that
>"We're gonna be the best team! Yeah! Let me take you to Twilight. She was all eggheading about this thing, and I kinda started to tune her out." Dash admits, lazily gaining altitude.
>You follow right beside her
"Hey, I understand. We can't all be the star, yanno?"
>Playing right to her ego, the pegasus grins widely
>"Yeah! Exactly! Someponies are in the stands, someponies are in the show!"


>You pass the time catching up, gently prying her for information about the creature.
>It apparently knows what alcohol is, but doesn't really seem to be affected by the cider it was offered. It also demands to be clothed all of the time. Omnivorous, as it explained what a BLT was to the Gryphon ambassador that was in the capital for unrelated reasons. 
>You land with your impromptu entourage, walking into a great hall from one of the many random gardens that dot the palace
>You round the corner
>Suddenly Diplomats
>Suddenly Celestia
>She spots the two of you over the crowd, what with being twice as tall as everypony
>"Oh! There you are, Rainbow Dash. Twilight was just looking for you."
>you both bow
"Ma'am, it is a pleasure to see you again. I am here to offer my services, if you'd have them."
>Celestia smiles. "Of course. We were debating reaching out to you"
>called it
>"..but it seems you have anticipated us. We were actually on our way to speak to Anon right now."
"Anon? Like, shortly?"
>Celestia Chuckles."Luna asked almost the same thing. No, the creature calls himself 'Anonymous', but we've shortened it to 'Anon'."
>You nod.
"How does it know Equuish?"
>Celestia and her group continue to walk down the hall.
>"We actually don't know. It just seems to be a funny coincidence."
>You feel uneasy.
"Things like that are rarely coincidences, your majesty."
>Celestia smirks. "Maybe, maybe."
"Oh!"
>The group stops as you have a thought
>You quickly speak to the assembled gryphons in the group, explaining the human salute. It might be a great way to continue to smooth over relations, and would be a great start to introduce everyone.
>the nodding heads agree. 
>You get closer and closer to the creature's room, and notice the silent increase of guards. 
>More line the halls, but it's the ones standing just outside, or hovering near the rafters that put you further on edge.
>Was this thing nice, but dangerous?
>Did Celestia actually not trust it?
>As you ponder these things, you can just make out muffled conversation behind two massive doors
>"...rkt...ha..."
>Ok, there's a lighter-sounding voice, so a mare.
>You stop right infront of the door.
>"...en.. aid!"
>Ok, a deep voice. That could be the alien - Anon, or another stallion.
>With a nod, the doors open
>time slows down
>You instantly notice everything
>On some pillows, a white unicorn - seems preoccupied with something.
>The purple pony princess, writing a stack of notes
>a yellow pegasus with her hoof over her mouth, staring at the ALIEN
>a pink pony laying on her back, screaming
>the fuckhuge alien - has to be as tall as Celestia - no, taller! It's looming over this mare with it's claws out
>"I'M GOING TO GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD" it bellows
"NOT ON MY WATCH, MONSTER!"
>Your wings flare out and your body launches itself forward on autopilot

>"What?" Says the white unicorn, looking up from her work
>"What?" Says Celestia, unprepared for your outburst
>"Oh no" mumbles the yellow pegasus
>"What?" Says the purple princess, suddenly snapped out of her daze
>"What?" Says the pink pony, looking at you
>"Wha-" Says the beast, completely caught off guard.
>"Wh-" is all you get out before a meaty thud echos through the room, your head hitting his chest hard.

>The Griffons proudly perform the human salute.

>Darkness takes you.