"Pokemon Trainer Anon in Equestria" By Yadda (https://pastebin.com/u/Yadda) URL: https://pastebin.com/a2hXQ2jL Created on: Sunday 18th of March 2012 04:55:40 PM CDT Retrieved on: Monday 26 of October 2020 05:17:11 AM UTC I present... POKEMON TRAINER ANON IN EQUESTRIA: GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! >You hear about new human transporter technology based on the Pokemon Box system >You get a friend that knows a friend to get you into one of the testing runs "This. Is gonna be. AWESOME!" --MEANWHILE, somewhere in Equestria...-- >"Oh, this looks promising... This could turn out to be... Wonderfully CHAOTIC!" --Back to our 'hero'...-- >Two days later, you're scheduled to try out the transporter. >"Okay, everything looks good. Just step onto the platform." >You do so. "You sure this is safe?" >"Absolutely." >They turn on the machine, and the guardrails go down around the transporter platform >But suddenly, the machine starts sparking out of control! "You said this was safe!" >"It IS safe! I don't know what's gooooiiiiiiiii?????i?????ï???????i??????n????n???????n???????????????n????-????????-????´-??????? *??¯~^?`?¯?B??¨´¯¯??¯????????????`?¯?Z???????_??Z?????????????`?Z¯?????`?????????????¯??Z???????¯????Z????????????¨??Z?????¨´??`??K?????????????K????????????K?????????K?????????¨´?????¯??R???_??_~??????~?R????????`???R???¯????`R?????T?????????*???????´? "OH GOD MY EVERYTHING IS IN P????~????A????A???????????????¯A??~¯????_??????A?????_?????I????????I????I¸?_????I_????N?????????" >The transporter has utterly fucked up. >You're feeling every fiber of your existence being torn apart by the raw energy. >Is this what the Box system feels like to Pokemon? >You have no time to think about it before you end up in the middle of a clearing full of... Pokemon? Definitely not any kind you've seen before... >Well... Whatever. Time to go looking for more Pokemon, you guess. >You go into a nearby forest. If there are wild Pokemon to be found, they'll be in there. >Well, definitely some odd plants, but no Pokemon yet... >Wait, what was that? You could swear that bush just moved. >Jimmies: rustled >Bush: rustled some more >You go over and check the bush, only to find a... Thing, with one half like a yellow luxray and the other half like a shiny Skorupi. "Ah HAH! A Pokemon! Gabite, go!" "Gabite! DRAGON CLAW!" >Gabite dashes over towards the... creature, and slashes at it. >This only makes it pissed. It starts biting at your Gabite. "SAND TOMB!" >Suddenly, sandstorm up in this bitch. "TAKE DOWN!" >Gabite charges the... the thing. It's down! "POKEBALL! GO!" >Anon used the Great Ball! >It wobbles a few times... >Gotcha! >Manticore was caught! >Manticore's data was added to the Pokedex! [It's a creature comprised of the upper body of a lion and the lower body of a scorpion. Its name means 'Man Eater.'] >You have no idea what the fuck a lion or a scorpion are, but you don't give two fucks. --MEANWHILE-- >"Heh... My little project seems to be going along perfectly..." --BACK TO THE EVERFREE FOREST-- >You're going further and further into the forest, until you find a hut of some sort. "I don't remember there being a shack in the Viridian Forest... Eh, whatever." >You enter the shack. >You see a... That's a Zebstrika! You're sure of it! "Holy shit, a Zebstrika! That's a rare pokemon in the Kanto region!" >"I know not of these 'pokeymon' you speak, but perhaps you could sit and explain, if it won't take a wee- "PONYTA! GO!" >yfw your ponyta starts trying to nail the Zebstrika >20 minutes later... >Your Ponyta has been chasing the Zebstrika this entire time, with its dick out. "Fuck this." >Anon used the Great Ball! >It wobbles a few times... >Gotcha! >Zebstrika was caught! >Zebstrika's data was added to the Pokedex! [This Zebstrika seems most unusual compared to those on record... You should report back to Professor Oak] "I wonder who lives in this place...?" "Eh, who cares." >None fucks were gived that day. >You decide you've done enough in the forest for now. You head back the way you came. After getting out of the forest, you head in a random direction. >You find a town, full of... >Pokemon...? >SO MANY SHINY POKEMON >WINGED POKEMON >HORNY... poke...okay that sounds wrong. >REGARDLESS >JIMMIES RUSTLED. >You start madly throwing pokeballs >The Pokemon start running and screaming >You manage to catch a few [OVER 6 POKEMON DETECTED. ATTEMPTING TO TRANSFER TO BOX] [...] [...] [...] [TRANSFER FAILED. LIMIT TEMPORARILY LIFTED.] >A purple pokemon with blue a blue mane with a pink and purple stripe begins.. Talking? >"Girls! We have to get the elements of harmony!' >...The what now? >Fuck it. "PONYTA! GO!" >yfw your ponyta still is trying to rape the other pokemon "Oh for the love of... GABITE! IVYSAUR! ELECTABUZZ! GO!" --MEANWHILE-- >"Oh, this is rich... This is just so DELIGHTFULLY, WONDERFULLY rich!" >Discord pulls out a matchbox adn a cigar. He proceeds to light the matchbox with the cigar, and smoke it with his nose --BACK TO PONYVILLE-- >Houses are burning. Market stalls are wrecked. The streets are destroyed. >Your Pokemon are running rampant. >Ponyta especially, who is holding down and has mounted a white, purple-maned pokemon. >"TAKE IT, BITCH" >The fuck? >Did your Ponyta just fucking SPEAK?! >"DEATH! DESTRUCTION! OTHER D WORDS!" >...Since when could Gabite... >... >The fuck? "GABITE! DRAGON CLAW!" >"FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT" >Suddenly, your Gabite is fucking SPIDERMAN and it starts SPINNING --MEANWHILE-- >"Well come on who didn't expect that?" >Discord laughs >Electabuzz is fucking eating EVERYTHING "FUCK THIS. GIRAFARIG! GO!" >Every single one of the pokemon stop dead and stare at your Girafarig >"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT" >You take the opening and start chucking pokeballs >You caught a few more >"Okay... Enough is enough!" >The purple one from before starts doing... Something, and her... horn... starts glowing. >A pikachu appears >"SUP NIGGAS" >Okay, what the fuck. >"...Well THAT wasn't supposed to happen." >Pikachu, Electabuzz, Gabite, and Ivysaur are wrecking Ponyville >You're chucking pokeballs like nobody fucking knows >"EEENOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" >The purple one suddenly has her mane burst into FLAMES >Ponyta takes notice >"...Mom?" >"...No?" >"Eh, who gives a fuck." >Ponyta goes back to raping random ponies. --MEANWHILE-- >"Okay, this is getting boring. Too routine. This game's gotten old." --Back to Ponyville-- >"I feel funny..." >Your Ponyta evolves into a Rapidash. Cue super-speed rape. >Suddenly, it starts raining >Raining kool aid and tree sap. "...The fuck?" >All the pokemon who were running, flying, or whatever, began to slow down >You start chucking Pokeballs like mad. --MEANWHILE-- >"What is going on down there? Someone, send a detachment to Ponyville immediately!" >"Has anyone seen the Discord statue?" >A soldier shakes his head, now notably worried >"...Oh no. Okay, scratch the detachment, I'm going there personally." --Back to Ponyville-- >You manage to catch all of them... >A winged, horned white Pokemon appears in a flash of light. >"DISCORD!" "...Who?" >"..." >You chuck a pokeball at the creature. It merely bounces off. "EVERYONE! ATTACK THE... THING?" >It begins shooting beams from its horn...at YOU. >You have a thought. >You whip out a mirror and start deflecting the beams. >Your pokemon are slowly whittling away at the... the thing's strength, until... >You throw a pokeball >IT WORKS! --MEANWHILE-- >"...Well, I didn't expect that." --Back to Ponyville-- >Suddenly, a... Really fucked up looking thing appears >"Greetings, Anon." "...What the fuck are you." >"A friend. I brought you here. And I want to congratulate you for your work." "...So what, am I a pokemon master now?" >"No. You win this certificate." "...Fuck you." >You chuck a pokeball. >"If you must." >It works. >But then... Something starts to feel wrong. >The world begins to distort and bend. >Everything starts to look... Wrong. >Like, REALLY wrong. >Like >Unbelievably wrong. >The very fabric of reality is tearing itself apart. >Gotcha! >???????????¨´M??~?????????I?????S_??`S???°¨´??I???¯?^?°??`?N???????°~?¨´??G?????^??~??????N??¨´????O??????.??????????¨´ ?????????????´w??????????¯~??a??????????????s??????????`?? ???????????¨?c????´??a????????¯??u????^?????g?????????????~???h?????????????t?????????????????!_??????¯´???? >Fuck.