"Peep Adventures 2: Roly Poly Peep"
By Speaker-to-Birds (https://pastebin.com/u/Speaker-to-Birds)

URL: https://pastebin.com/V3kUYSKg
Created on: Saturday 1st of October 2016 03:52:07 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Friday 23 of October 2020 12:47:36 PM UTC


    >"But ANOOOOOOOON, I'm bucking HUNGRY!"
    >Be Anon. 
    >More specifically, you're Anon, with an overweight best birdpone buddy named Peep, who is in serious need of some /fit/
    >Seriously, she's sort of...well, ponderous these days. Actually, check that. She's damn near spherical. 
    >You had to free her from a birdbath two days ago. It took an hour and a quarter of baby oil to break the suction.
    >And it would actually be cute, except that she can barely fly now. 
    >"It's only been two hours since lunch, Peep. Try to think about something else, okay?'
    >She lives with you, and you, the doctor, the local vet and Fluttershy have all helped construct a diet and exercise for overweight bird ponies
    >And, unfortunately, a number of them seem to need it now.
    >Because not only do they love bread, SOMEONE has been giving peep hayburgers and fries. 
    >Like, daily. 
    >And it seems birb pones have an incredibly efficient metabolism able to store an immense amount of energy as flab, and quickly.
    >She waddles behind you as you walk. You'd be jogging, except that you need her to be able to keep up. 
    >"Look," she says. "I'm not asking a lot here, I just want to sit over here in the sun like we used to do. Okay? Because walking totally sucks."
    >"You wouldn't HAVE to walk like this, if you 'd drop a little extra weight. Then you'd be able to fly like you're supposed to be able to do." 
    >She follows along sullenly, puffing. "It wouldn't be a problem if they didn't keep buying me hayburgers. Totally not my fault."
    >You smirk. "Yeah? Did someone else paint the 'Migrating: NEED FOOD" sign and force you to hold it at gunpoint while waiting next to the Hayburger?"
    >She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Yeah, okay, I'll give you that. But...damn, it wasn't like I was eating the things every hour on the hour..."
    >"No, but I ALSO know I had to keep cleaning discounted bakery products bags out from under your bed. Oh, and I got rid of that spinach quiche you were hiding."

>She stops and looks at you sourly. "That's dirty pool, Anon. Mess with my quiche and I will end you."
>"You'd have to catch me first," you say. "These days, you're basically a rolling health disaster."
>She sighs. With her metabolism, it shouldn't take too long for her to shed the extra pounds, but you know it's going to FEEL like forever to her. 
>"When we're done here, we can go get a snow cone or something, if you feel like it," you say. As a side benefit, they'll help her stay hydrated AND they've got some no-cal, sugar-free options
>And here in Equestria, sugar-free stuff actually DOES taste decent. 
>When you've got an entire population willing to go to war over ice cream recipes, they're going to take pains to make sure sugar substitutes actually taste good. 
>Ponies are fucking nuts for their sweet stuff. 
>She perks up at this She's about to say something when you suddenly hear someone making OINK OINK noises overhead. 
>"BEEP BEEP! Wide load comin' through!" you hear. Two bird pony stallions are sitting in a tree nearby, laughing. You protectively step between Peep and your hecklers.
>"Why don't you two go find something else to do, like peck fleas off an ursa or something?" you say. 
>"Why don't YOU let her fight her own battles?" says the other one. "Whatcha matter, cat got yer tongue or something?"
>You hear angry fluttering behind you, and you're about to say something else, when suddenly there's a pop and one of the stallions falls off the limb with a cry. 
>A second later, there's another pop, and the other stallion jumps off the limb with a YIPE! 
>You see a huge splodge of yellow paint on his ass. "MAURY! WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" he screams, and hauls ass. A second later, his companion birb follows
>A white unicorn head with artfully-applied camo makeup pokes out of the bushes. Sweetie Belle tosses off a mock salute. She stows the borrowed paintball rifle across her back and vanishes. 
>You smile. Life is good.