"Lich Doctor Chapter Eleven"
By Six_Hooves_Under (https://pastebin.com/u/Six_Hooves_Under)

URL: https://pastebin.com/rMdRCh3f
Created on: Thursday 21st of February 2013 12:32:13 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Saturday 24 of October 2020 05:07:59 AM UTC


>You are Anonymous.
>And you are very confused.
>There is a female Draconequus hugging you.
>And calling you Daddy.
>Everyone has fallen deathly silent and are staring at you and the  female Draconequus.
>And Celestia looks like she is currently going to murder you even harder.
>And Luna has snapped out of her reverie.
>And you are twelve thousand years old.
>And WHAT IS THIS?
>You were in need of some venting, but this thing just threw you for a loop and wrecked every last bit of your momentum.
>You gingerly extricate yourself from the grasp of the female draconequus
“Umm....who are you?”
>The Draconequus stares at you for a second before laughing.
>”Silly! I”m Eris, Discord's daughter! And since Discord was the mommy, that makes YOU the daddy!”
>Wat.
“Wat.”
>How was that even.
>The physics of those implications did not parse.
“Discord was a MALE Draconequus.”
>“I know! Isn't that, like, TOTALLY crazy?!”
>Your head hurt.
>You don't even have a brain and you have a headache.
>This should not logically be happening.
>”Oh, Daddy Daddy! Look!”
>Against your better judgment, you look.
>Eris has a huge grin on her face and she snaps her fingers.
>After Eris snapped her fingers, a tremor rocked the ground, nearly throwing you off your feet.
>”It followed me home. Can I keep it?”
>You turn around to see...
>....
>Fuck.
>It's an Ursa Major.
>And it's HUGE!!!
>It's at least twice the size of any other Ursa Major you've ever seen.
>And you've seen some big ones.
>The claws on this titanic bear had to be at least ten meters long.
>The Ursa Major lets out a growl that shakes the earth.
>Oh shit, it might be mad.
>The Royal Guards start retreating further away from the Ursa.
>“Oh dear, I think I left my oven on. Gotta go!”
>And just like that, Eris disappears.
>Everything falls silent for a moment, like the calm before the storm.
>It was just like a standoff in one of those old spaghetti westerns, except with ponies and a giant bear.
>And then, it happens.
>All hell broke loose.

>The Ursa Major jumped over the bulkhead, Luna, and yourself and charges into the Royal Guard.
>Celestia charged at you with the fury of Hell itself.
>You forced your guests and your duplicates back down the access tunnel and forced the bulkhead closed and locked.
>Luna threw up a barrier around you and her.
>And the Royal Guard opened fire on anything that moved that wasn't gold colored.
>It was pure chaos.
>Celestia was trying to beat down the barrier you and Luna were now holding up.
>The Ursa Major was trying to flatten anything that wasn't itself.
>Ten Thousand Royal Guardspony were launching well coordinated assaults on the Ursa and successfully keeping the behemoth occupied.
>The barrier began to deteriorate under Celestia's furious pummeling.
>Through the translcent blue shield, Celestia looked as if she were possessed by a spirit of hatred.
>Her mane was in disarray, flying every which way as she thrashed your barrier.
>Her once calm and serene amethyst eyes were bloodshot and angry.
>Spittle flew freely from her curse spewing muzzle as she swore eternal suffering and hatred against you.
>Every ounce of her anger was directed at only one thing right now.
>You.
>The look on her visage and the savagery of her attacks were almost enough to make you afraid.
>Luna was beginning to quail with fear just from the look Celestia was giving you.
>Her fear was causing the barrier to weaken.
>You had to pick up Luna's slack in taking the brunt of Celestia's beating until Luna collapsed in terror.
>Which left you to hold the barrier by yourself.
>Wait a sec...
>Why are YOU being on the defensive?!
>You are a GOD DAMN LICH!!!
>It's about time you started acting like one!

>This is not good.
>The original was in trouble!
>There was a raging Demigoddess, a bear titan, and an army outside the front door!
>You had to do something.
>You untangled yourself from the pile of ten other yous and the two guests.
>You helped everyone else untangle themselves and made sure everyone was fine.
>Thankfully, the guests were uninjured.
>They were just panicked.
>Which is to be expected.
>You assured them that everything would be fine.
>The original could handle this.
>...you hope.
>The bulkhead was closed and locked so there was no way to get out fast enough to help the original and be of any use.
>...
>Not unless you used something from the Hangar.
>You quickly ushered everyone back to the Control Room while you called up an inventory of all the aircrafts in the Hangar on your tablet.
>Shit, there wasn't anything fast enough with enough power to reach them quickly enough.
>You keep cycling through the list of plains until you find something that catches your interest.
>It was listed as an AC-5S.
>It's description says it was an experimental stealth support retrofit of a cargo aircraft.
>Top speed of five hundred and fifty miles per hour.
>Well, it's plenty fast enough.
>What did the armaments look like?
>...Woooooooooow.
>Yep, this thing DEFINITELY had enough firepower.
>You set the automated systems of the Hangar to start getting the AC-5S ready for launch.
>While the aircraft was getting ready for launch, you led the ten other yous and the two guests back to the Control Room.
>Once you reached the Control Room, you left four yous and the two guests there and took six yous to the Hangar.
>Seven should be enough of a skeleton crew to use that aircraft.

>As Celestia continues to pound away at your barrier and Luna continues to be a quivering mass of scared, you figure out the best way to end this quickly.
>The bad news is that your contract stated that killing sentients would terminate your contract, so that option was out.
>You only had about two or three offensive spells and some variants, so you would have to get creative with everything else.
>The good news is, you were very creative.
>It's time to show Celestia why a good defense is the best offense.
>As Celestia rears back for another blow, you wrap the barrier around Celestia to form a sphere.
>You try to tighten the barrier down around her, but she's putting up one hell of a fight.
>Soon, Celestia starts forcing magic against the sphere, making it that much harder to hold together.
>Blinding white light sears through the translucent barrier as Celestia assaults it with raw power.
>Soon enough, rays of solar fury punch through the sphere.
>One of them almost hit you.
>It burned a hole in your favorite cape though.
>You knew that the sphere wouldn't hold up to much more abuse, so you willed up another barrier around yourself and Luna again and levitated the sphere away from you.
>Mere seconds later, the sphere vaporized in a blinding flash of white light.
>You swear you could almost feel your bones bleaching.
>Celestia stood before you looking even angrier than before.
>She pawed a hoof at the ground and lowered her head, wings flared out to her sides.
>Looks like she was going to charge you.
>This gave you a devious idea.
>Looks like you would get to vent after all.
>Time to start being a proper Lich.

>You stood your ground and readied a spell while Celestia sprinted towards you.
>Just as Celestia was about to gore you on her horn, you grab her horn with both hands and let loose a stream of lightning right into her horn.
>You could see her eyes starting to roll back into her head as she screamed out in pain.
>She tried to break your grasp, but you were having none of that.
>Oh no, she was going to ride the lightning.
>And she wasn't going to like it.
>You increase the amount of magic into the spell and Celestia screams louder.
>You could see smoke rising from between your finger bones.
>Celestia is still trying to struggle, but it is futile.
>She was beginning to loose consciousness.
>Roughly a minute later, Celestia finally lost consciousness.
>Good thing too.
>You hated screamers.
>As you gaze over her charred horn and her twitching body, you dust your hands off.
>Now, it's time to take care of that Ursa Maj-*WHAM*
>You tumble across the ground and skid to a halt some twenty yards away.
>Picking yourself back up, you find about a hundred Royal Guard surrounding Celestia.
>And out in front was Shining Armor.
>And boy did he look angry.
>”Any last words before you die, scum?”
“Nope.”
>You cast a Chain Lightning spell at the group and watch them all drop to the ground screaming and spasming.
>Everyone seems to forget that metal armor makes a great conductor.
>You walk up into the middle of the group and levitate Celestia out of the center.
>You hear the sound of armor clanking as one of the ponies tries to get back up.
>It's Shining Armor.
>He doesn't know when to stay down.
>As he struggles to stand up between muscles twitching, you walk up and grab him by the horn and hoist him to eye level.
>He winces from having his horn grabbed but still tries to maintain a brave face.
>”You haven't won yet you monster. There's still the entire Royal Guard left! You won't win!”

>You weren't in the mood to chat.
>You zap him with a lightning spell and let his twitching body fall to the earth.
>It's fairly amusing to watch Shining Armor twitch around and see his eyes roll back into his head.
>Ignoring Shining Armor for a minute, you survey the battlefield to see how things are going.
>The Ursa Major doesn't even look like it's been hurt.
>The Royal Guard also appears to be wise to the Ursa's ways of fighting.
>The Unicorns are all focusing on blocking the titan's swats whenever it targets ground forces.
>The Pegasi are harassing the Ursa with arrows, providing a distraction.
>The Earth ponies are also firing volley after volley of arrows into the Ursa, doing little good.
>The Royal Guard has done a stellar job of lasting this long against an Ursa Major, but there is no way for them to defeat the behemoth.
>You were going to have to transport the raging titan to a deserted island and come back for it in about a week after it cooled down.
>So, that's exactly what you'll do.
>You set Celestia down in preparation for what you are about to do.
>You charge up the necessary energy and set a destination in mind.
>With that accomplished, you teleport on top of the Ursa Major.
>A few of the Pegasi Guards are startled by your sudden appearance.
>They don't have any time to react before you grab hold of the Ursa Major and teleport away.
>The Royal Guard is left in a state of confusion at the sudden disappearance of the Ursa Major.
>When you teleport right into the middle of where the Ursa Major used to be, the Royal Guard readies an attack.
>You cast a spell to amplify your voice a bit and begin speaking.
“I'm feeling nice right now. You should feel lucky. My issue wasn't with any of you. So here's the deal. Leave or suffer the consequences.”
>A volley of arrows being launched at you is your answer.
>You throw up a barrier and listen as the shafts clatter harmlessly against your shield.
“You brought this on yourselves.”

>Oh this chaos is delicious.
>It really is amazing what pulling a few strings can do to a pony's mind.
>And Anonymous.
>The horn thing was REALLY a nice touch.
>You sat back in your theater chair munching on popcorn while watching current events unfold on the silver screen.
>You are Eris....as far as the readers need to know.
>And it was nearly time to set another piece of your plan into motion.
>You want to know the best part of all this business with Anonymous?
>No one was guarding the castle!
>You snap your fingers and find yourself in the Royal gardens.
>Now, where was that pesky Discord statue?
>You needed that little pawn for something.