"Episode 22: Manager? I hardly know her!"
By SitcomAnon (https://pastebin.com/u/SitcomAnon)

URL: https://pastebin.com/BEs1KJ4F
Created on: Sunday 14th of September 2014 01:38:16 PM CDT
Retrieved on: Sunday 25 of October 2020 11:41:20 AM UTC


(Scene 1: We Open on the interior of the boys apartment.  We see Norman on the couch pouring over the job announcements in the Canterlot Times)
Brad: (Slides into the living room from his room with a knocked out Laine over his shoulder) That. Was. Bradical! (Applause and Laughter) (Norman doesn’t even flinch) Whoa, Norm, you alright? Usually you cringe yourself into a stupor at that.
Norman: (Noticing Brad) Oh, hey.  Sorry. It’s just that I really need to try and find something to do.  Working for Harshwhinny on the curtains and not needing to pay rent is great and all, but I get so bored not needing a real job, you know.
Brad: Well, what about helping your girlfriend with her dresses?
Norman: Oh, that fills some time, no doubt, but with Coco around, I’ve hardly had to do anything lately.  
Brad: ah..the old fear of becoming complacent.  You need to be more like me, take up a hobby.
Norman: You, a hobby?
Brad: Yeah, gardening for example.
Norman: I never saw you as the gardening type.
Brad: Sure I am. (Motioning to Laine) Why just now I planted some seeds...Sunflower to be exact. (Laughter)
Norman: I deplore you.
Brad: And I wouldn’t have it any other way. (Laughter)
Norman: Perhaps I should take up a part-time job. You know, make a little extra money.
Brad: You’d have to try and balance it with school.
Norman: Well what about this one: Nightwatchman at a local Pizza Eatery, just make sure no one breaks in or screws with the animatronics. What’s the worst that could happen?
Brad: You don’t want that job, trust me.
(Flashback: Brad alone in the control room at the restaurant, all of the robots surrounding him, closing in on him)
Brad: Faust Damnit!  I am not an endoskeleton!
(The bots stop and stare at him)
Bear: You’re not?
Brad: No! I am a human being!
Chicken: O...Oh….wow.
Rabbit: Wow..um, we’re sorry.
Brad: You know what? No, I quit.
Bear: We’ll make it up to you!
(Brad walks out flipping them off)
Brad: Screw you! (Laughter)
(End Flashback)
Brad: I couldn’t BEAR that place. (Laughter)
Norman: Well what else am I to do?  It’s not like a job will just magically appear for me.
(There is a knock at the door. Norman answers revealing Scootaloo in a Canterlot High Soccer uniform)
Norman: Hey Chicken! (Laughter)
Scootaloo: I have a name you know.
Norman: Yeah but I already use “Orange” interchangeably with Applehat.  We can’t have two oranges. 
Scootaloo: Forget it.  Listen, could you possibly do us a big favor?
Norman: Us?
Scootaloo: See, Dash has been helping out back at CHS as the coach of our soccer team.
Norman: Okay?
Scootaloo: But she is super busy with the Canterlot College team at a tournament up in Baltimare this weekend.
Norman: (To Brad) There’s seriously a city in this state called Baltimare? (Brad nods) (Laughter)
Scootaloo: But our team needs a coach in order for the league to let us play.
Norman: Right?
Scootaloo: So I asked Dash and…
(Flashback to practice where Scootaloo meets with Dash)
Scootaloo: Okay Scoots...you got this, just walk up and ask her.
Dash: (Noticing her) You wanted to talk, kid?
Scootaloo: Omigosh omigosh omigosh! She’s talking to me! (Laughter)
Dash: You alright?
Scootaloo: (Squeaking) Yeah...er yeah I’m fine.  But if you can’t be at the game, we have to forfeit.
Dash: No we don’t.
Scootaloo: We don’t?
Dash: No, just ask Norman to take care of it, I’ll pay him to take care of you guys for the weekend.
(End flashback)
Scootaloo: So she sent me here.
Norman: That’s great but I know nothing about coaching soccer.
Scootaloo: It’ll be fine, we really just need you there as a formality.
Norman: Can’t you get someone else?
Scootaloo: Well, we thought about Patricia but she isn’t allowed near any schools. (Laughter)
Norman: Fine, I reckon I could use the money and its not like I had major plans this weekend anyway.
Scootaloo: Thanks Norman.  Quick question though.
Norman: Yeah?
Scootaloo: What’s Brad doing with Appleblooms cousin? (Points to Laine over Brad’s Shoulder)
Brad: (As he carries her back to his room) Germinating my seeds. (Laughter to end scene)


(Scene 2: We open back in Norman and Brad’s Apartment. Both are on the couch)
Brad: So how do you plan on learning to manage a girl’s soccer team?
Norman: The only way I know how, Brad…(Zoom in to his narrowing eyes) All Night Gaming!
(Quick succession of scenes of Norman setting up his computer and consoles, a cut to him pouring some Dorito’s into a bowl, a cut to him and Brad cracking open a bottle of Mountain Dew, the two sit down on the couch with Norman putting his laptop in front of them)
Brad: So, what’s first?
Norman: (Booting up the computer) Football Manager 2014. They say it is the ultimate football management simulator.
Brad: Makes sense.
(Card: “Five Minutes Later”)
Norman: This is boring as hell.  It is just a mockup of a computer desktop.  All you do is scout players and answer emails. (Laughter)
Brad: Yeah, and you can’t even take control of the players during the matches.
(Card: 2 hours later)
Brad: Hurry, Norman!  We need to pick up a forward!  Try to buy Rooney! (Laughter)
Norman: I’m trying but the transfer window closes in 2 hours! 
(Card: 5 hours later)
Brad: We did it!  We got Trottingham Hotspur to the FA Cup...should we play it?
Norman: Hold on, let me put my suit and tie on first. (Laughter)
(Card: The Next Game)
Norman: Alright!  FIFA 15!  Let’s do this.  
Brad: It’s supposed to have a great manager mode.
Norman: Nope, its about time I played some games so I can get ideas for tactics.
Brad: Seems legit.
(Card: 90 minutes later)
(We see the end of match screen.  Manchester United 10-0 Philadelphia Union)
Button: (V/O) Get Good Scrub! Pretty sure what I just did to you in illegal in 10 states and 5 countries!
Norman: So help me, Button, I’ll send Brad over to screw your mom again! (Laughter)
Brad: So what did we learn today?
Norman: I’m really good at managing a computerized football team but really bad at FIFA. (Laughter)
Brad: You know, Dash has this team pretty tight...heh...tight. (Laughter)
Norman: (Shoots him a look) You were saying?
Brad: Well, I mean the team is really good.  You could probably just show up on gameday and tell them to go out and do their stuff, sit back, relax, and take the W.
Norman: you seem to know a lot about this team.
Brad: Want to see some game tape?
(Card: 2 Minutes Later) (Norman and Brad sit in front of the TV watching footage of a past CHS match)
Norman: Wait...why do you have this tape?
Brad: (Nervously) uh….research purposes. (Laughter)
Norman: We need to have a talk later.  The team is good though.
(We view some of the footage.  We see Scootaloo come in with a hard tackle that leaves the other player on the ground writhing in pain.)
Brad and Norman: Oh!!!!   Damn!!!!
Brad: Girl got knocked the hell out. (Laughter)
(Twist shoves another opposing player to the pitch, there is a whistle and she throws her hands up as if to say “Who, me?”)
Norman: Wait a sec...this team isn’t exactly good...they just hurt people.
Brad: Reckon that’s how you win.
Norman: Not if I can help it...we need help.
Brad: Who can possibly help you?
(Cut to the interior of the Canterlot College Library)
Norman: So what I’m asking is, do you have anything on how to manage a soccer team, Purple?
Twilight: (Smiling at the fact Norman is actually in the Library) Norman, this is a library!  The answers to all of life’s problems can be found here.  Take a seat over there and give me five minutes.
(Scene change: Norman at a table, not visible to viewer due to the deluge of books in front of him. Laughter)
Twilight:...Wilson’s “Inverting the Pyramid” should give you an idea of tactics.  And “Soccer for Dummies”, well thats just obvious now isn’t it! Heh heh. (Laughter)
Norman: Yeah that’s great Purple...thanks.
(She leaves humming to herself)
Norman: Okay...this may be a bit much….let’s see here...this looks like a good start. (Grabs a book) hmmm…”Cloughie: Walking on Water”...seems short, this’ll do.
(Card: 5 hours later) (We see Brad drag an unconscious Lyrock into his room, his phone rings)
Brad: (Answering) Kinda busy, Norm.
Norman: Brad, call the girls, its time they meet the new manager. 
(Scene change: The practice soccer field from EQG.  Scootaloo, Twist, and a bunch of other girls are seen kicking the ball around to one another, running sprints, etc)
Twist: I don’t underthand...why would Norman call us here if he isn’t going to show up.
Norman: (V/O) Who says I wasn’t.
(The camera pans to Norman, still in beanie but dressed in an orange rugby style shirt with white collar, green soccer shorts, and matching high socks.  He wears a pair of football boots)
Norman: Now then, bring it in ladies, we have much work to do.
Twist: Thith ith our new coach? (The other girls shrug and head in)(Laughter to end scene) 


(Scene 3, back on the training ground, Norman addresses his team)
Norman: (with a bit of a British accent) Well, I might as well tell you now. You lot may all be champions and have won all the honours there are to win under Rainbow Dash. But as far as I'm concerned, the first thing you can do for me is to chuck all your medals and all your caps and all your pots and all your pans into the biggest dustbin you can find, because you've never won any of them fairly. You've done it all by bloody cheating.
(The girls seem taken aback by this)
Norman: Ms. Scootaloo.
Scootaloo: Holy hell, he got my name right. (Laughter)
Norman: You’re the captain and a good one. But you’re no good to the team, and no good to me, if you’re suspended.  I want you fit for every game, and I want good, clean, attractive football from my captain starting next match. (turns to Twist) and you...Lispy Girl (Laughter), Faust gave you skill, intelligence, and the best passing ability in the game.  What Faust did not give you is six studs to wrap around another player's knee.  Now, things are going to be a little different around here...without Dash.  It will seem odd, it may pinch a little.  But if you want your grandchildren to remember you as something other than the cheaters you once were...and you and to be loved as champions, worthy champions, you will work, and improve...and change. Now then, let’s start with seven-a-sides. (He starts to walk away)
Scootaloo: Dash never made us do that.
Norman: (Stops, slowly turns around) Oh? I’m sorry, but I’m your manager now, not Rainbow-Bleeding-Dash. Like I said, things are different. Any other questions?
(Silence)
Norman: (Nodding) Right! Seven-a-sides. Keep it nice and clean..and sensible, no 50/50s,  
(Silence) Right...I’ll play myself! (Clapping his hands together as he takes the pitch) You might learn something Lispy Girl...20 goals in 30 appearances in CHS Gym Class. (Laughter)
(Norman drops a ball on his knee and juggles it a few times before heading it up three times.  He kicks the volley into the upper right corner of the net)
Norman: I’d like to see Rainbow Dash do that, eh? 
(The girls stare at him in silence)
Norman: Right, first seven over here!
(The girls shrug and split off into teams. There is a bit of action as Norman kicks the ball to Twist as they basically play a kickaround.  This goes on for about ten seconds before one of the girls passes to an open Norman who is leveled by Scootaloo.  He lies on the pitch looking up, dazed)
Twist: Hey, no 50/50s Thcoots, you deaf or what?
(The girls wander off to kick around amongst themselves)
Girl 1: It was a fair challenge Scoots...good job.
(Norman slowly gets to his feet and watches them)
Norman: (In a slightly high pitched voice)This is going to be harder than I thought. (Laughter)
(A Black Card, white lettering: Saturday: Norman’s first competitive match as CHS Manager)
(We open inside a locker room where the girls are sitting wearing their uniforms.  Norman enters wearing a full suit with a blazer and tie, the girls quiet down and stare at him)
Norman: Right...ladies, our team for today: Jewelup in goal, Faddle, Blossom, Scootaloo, my captain, Twist, Star, Breezey, Medley, Waters, Song, and Aura.  Now, obviously, all eyes will be on us to see how things have changed...without Dash. Let’s show them what we’ve worked on...our changes in attitude, a new outlook, a new discipline. Let’s see some of you playing with a smile, eh?
(The girls stare silently back at him)
Norman: (Inner-monologue) Tough Crowd. (Laughter) (Aloud) Right, lets go out there and beat (he looks at a piece of paper in his pocket) Vanhoover High! Wait...Vanhoover, seriously?
(The Girls nod)
Norman: What the hell is up with the horse puns in this state? (Laughter)
(We see the girls out on the pitch along with Vanhoover lined up for the National Anthems and afterwards we see them run out to their positions with Norman heading to the bench. We do not see the match itself but instead the clock ticking and scenes of Norman on the bench, yelling orders, talking to the officials, etc…)
Norman: (Motioning to the 4th official) Oy, ref...we’re ten minutes in and they’ve already made 3 substitutions, are their players that injured?
Ref: Unlimited subs.
Norman: I beg you pardon? (Laughter)
Ref: You can sub on and off as much as you like.
Norman: The hell?!
(Time ticks by, the clock hits forty and halftime is whistled)
Norman: Oy!  It’s only been forty minutes.
Ref: 40 minute halves…
Norman: What about stoppage time?
Ref: No stoppage in HS.
Norman: (Yelling) What is wrong with you people!?
(Interior of Locker Room)
Norman: Alright, there were obviously some things I didn’t know beforehand that I should’ve.  
Twist: You don’t thay? (Laughter)
Norman: (Glares at her, briefly) But, you’ve done a good job to hold them scoreless. Now, keep up the pressing, get stuck in, and win your matchups.  This one is still for the taking!
Scootaloo: Come on, Girls!  Let’s kill those hosers! (Laughter)
(They leave ahead of Norman)
Norman: (Not being listened to) Remember what I taught you! 
(As he disappears down the tunnel, we see the score show up under him. “VHS 5- CHS 0”
(Cut to the tunnel after the match, a perturbed looking Norman stands in front of a board with a bunch of advertisements on it, companies include Davenport’s Sofas and Quills, Pie Family Rock Farm, etc.  We hear the voice of Pipsqueak who writes for the Foal Free Press)
Pip: Norman Normal, you didn’t seem too happy with the early second half sending off of Scootaloo.
Norman: (Assuming an accent similar to Jose Murinho’s) No, I am not happy.  But tonight I will eat dinner with my Aryan Beauty of a girlfriend and I will be very happy. (Laughter) Obviously, the referee was being a fool and was probably too busy checking Tinder to actually watch the match. (Laughter) I hope that when he watches the footage, he will sick up his guts.  
(We see the footage of Scootaloo trapped in the corner by a VHS player. In retaliation, she grabs the corner flag out of the ground and impales the other player with it (Laughter).  The ref comes over and gives her a red card while she throws her hands up in defense of her self.  When another VHS player taps her on the shoulder to ask what she was doing, Scootaloo drops to the ground clutching her face like she’s been punched. (Laughter) Over this, Norman continues)
Norman: Here you see both players going for the ball.  It is known that the VHS player is taking Italian classes, that would explain where she learned how to dive like that. Scootaloo won ball clean but ref blows it dead anyways.  Will she lose kidney? Yes.  Is it end of the world? No. I think we will move on from here with a better understanding of the rest of the week and play better in the next match.
Dash: (V/O) and how will that occur?
Norman: By weaning them off the strong armed tactics taught by Rainbow…(he realizes) Dash?
(Dash enters the screen, a bandage around her ankle, she seems annoyed)
Norman: (Nervous) I thought you were in Baltimare?
Dash: I was but I hurt my ankle.  I decided to come home and check up on my team.
Norman: So you saw….?
Dash: The 5-nil...oh yeah.
Norman: So…what’s the plan for tomorrow?
Dash: It’s not working, Norman.
Norman: No doubt especially since we won’t have the chicken. (Laughter)
Dash: No, I mean you and the team.  It would be best if we part ways.
Norman: Alright...but I still want the $25 I was promised.
Dash: That’s criminal.
Norman: And the $15 bonus for the clean sheet in the first half.
Dash: No fair! 
Norman: A deals a deal.
Dash: Who do you think you are?
Norman: (As he walks away) Norman Normal. (he turns to her) Norman. The melting pot of friendship. Normal. (Laughter to end scene)


(After Credits scene: In Norman and Brad’s apartment. Norman is on the couch watching a soccer match on TV, Brad pokes his head out of the kitchen door)
Brad: Only four days to get sacked, huh?
Norman: Yup. 
Brad: You pulled a Brian Clough in 1/11th of the time.  I’m not even mad, I’m impressed. (Laughter)
Norman: Yeah, I really should have finished that chapter on his time at Leeds before going out to meet the team. (Laughter)
(Brad walks into the living room with one of Trixie’s unconscious bandmates)
Norman: The hell are you taking her?
Brad: (To the tune of guantanamera, as a football chant) Sacked in the morning, she’s getting sacked in the morning, sacked in the moooorrrrrning, she’s getting sacked in the morning!
(Norman cradles his head in his hands to audience laughter to end the episode.)