"Tard and Tarder - A Gross Love Story"
By Regidar (https://pastebin.com/u/Regidar)

URL: https://pastebin.com/9tD5919T
Created on: Friday 29th of June 2018 03:57:43 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Sunday 25 of October 2020 11:02:27 AM UTC


????D?G - Today at 1:40 AM
i have to repost this here for posterity
Regidar - Yesterday at 10:54 PM
@GaryOak would you let anthro celestia sit on your face
R5h - Yesterday at 10:55 PM
would it even be a choice or does that fall under prima nocta
Regidar - Yesterday at 10:57 PM
:thinking:
GaryOak - Yesterday at 11:03 PM
@????D?G if anthro celestia were coming over to my house i'd get rid of the bed, couches, and chairs, so the only place for her to sit would be my face
R5h - Yesterday at 11:03 PM
floor
Regidar - Yesterday at 11:25 PM
haha
that's a pretty funny scenario
you prep for all that and she just sits on the floor
and thinks you're broke as shit
she's just offering you alms
"Gary, I can send you quite a fair sum of gold if you need it, you seem to be quite destitute"
"Are you eating properly?"
goes full mom on you and then leaves without so much as a hint of sexual encounter
R5h - Yesterday at 11:28 PM
not just a cock block
a cock restraining order
write this, Gary
write this second person anon anti-clop
Regidar - Yesterday at 11:29 PM
i'd let celestia be my patron
i'd never have to worry about going hungry again
R5h - Yesterday at 11:30 PM
I mean, don't get me wrong
it would be nice to have a royal stipend
Regidar - Yesterday at 11:30 PM
not as nice as a royal backend though (^:
Regidar - Today at 1:10 AM
c:
you would let celestia be your sugar mama no problem don't kid yourself
even without the promise of face sitting
"y-you love me don't you Princess?"
"I do care quite a bit about you, yes"
"i mean sexually"
"Don't be strange, Gary"
GaryOak - Today at 1:14 AM
lol
Regidar - Today at 1:14 AM
what if eventually she took pity on you
but in the strangest way
like, she gave you a bottle of milk
"this is mine"
GaryOak - Today at 1:15 AM
but it's really just milk from her fridge
Regidar - Today at 1:15 AM
yeah, you get excited for a second
and then she realizes how she phrased it
"no, this is just cow's milk from the ponyville dairy"
"why are you so gross gary"
i'd let celestia kinkshame me
conversely, Luna is super into you
but she's gross as fuck
she doesn't know how to do proper hygiene at all
and she talks like the luna from friendship is witchcraft
would you still go for it
and i'm not talking "cute slob"
i'm talking she doesn't shower more than once a week or so, never brushes her teethh
mane is a greasy mess
doesn't use tampons
spits a little when she talks
has a tard's lisp, slightly cockeyed
the whole shebang
got some weird horn smegma going on that you didnt even realize was possible because every other unicorn/alicorn knows to clean and wax that shit and luna just doesn't bother
constantly runny nose
but she's super, duper into you
tags along with celestia when she comes by to give you groceries and your living budget
makes really awkward comments, breathes super heavily
stands just a bit too close to you
occasionally tries to touch you but it's kinda like a weird twitching movement, like she's not sure she really wants to
so she punches or slaps you every now and again by accident
and when she apologizes she sprays a bit on your face
bit of carrot from a lunch you hope was recent but by the smell you know otherwise hits your cheek(edited)
has acne that somehow manages to be visible past her coat
"IT IS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE TO GO TO GARY'S WITH YOU SISTER I ENJOY HIS SMELL QUITE A BIT"
"luna, gary is right there"
"GARY I ENJOY YOUR SMELL"
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 1:43 AM
I'd read it
????D?G - Today at 1:44 AM
would you let anthro tard luna sneeze on you
i mean actually, to be honest
it wouldnt matter if you let her
she'd just open air sneeze because she doesn't realize how gross that is
and then wipe her muzzle on your sleeve
.w.' - Today at 1:49 AM
yea
That's my fetish
????D?G - Today at 1:51 AM
haha gross
.w.' - Today at 1:51 AM
don't kink shame me thx
????D?G - Today at 1:51 AM
that's celestia's job true
would you let celestia kinkshame you
.w.' - Today at 1:52 AM
That's also my fetish
????D?G - Today at 1:52 AM
same fam
.w.' - Today at 1:52 AM
Tfw no sun goddess horse to berate you
:feelsbadman:
????D?G - Today at 1:53 AM
but see, celestia is totally not into you
but luna is getting weirder and weirder with how much she likes you
brings you a small vial of dark reddish-brown liquid
.w.' - Today at 1:53 AM
how tard are we talking here
????D?G - Today at 1:53 AM
"I HAVE FOR YOU MY WOMANLY ESSENCE"
like, Asperger
.w.' - Today at 1:54 AM
So not full on downie
just aspergers
????D?G - Today at 1:54 AM
but pretty close
.w.' - Today at 1:54 AM
hmm
????D?G - Today at 1:54 AM
i'd say extreme aspergers
.w.' - Today at 1:54 AM
on one hand
Tard
On other
Moon goddess horse
tough decision
I'll take my chances with here
????D?G - Today at 1:54 AM
keep in mind she's not showering
.w.' - Today at 1:54 AM
Oh
Gm
????D?G - Today at 1:54 AM
or brushing her teeth
.w.' - Today at 1:55 AM
Well maybe I won't
????D?G - Today at 1:55 AM
or using tampons, or cleaning her horn
she's got horn smegma
.w.' - Today at 1:55 AM
If she was clean I'd go for it
But not dirty
????D?G - Today at 1:55 AM
read up
i clearly outlined the scenario here
.w.' - Today at 1:55 AM
look it's 3 am ok
????D?G - Today at 1:56 AM
sometimes she brings you random mixtures of her bodily fluids because she thinks that's romantic
.w.' - Today at 1:56 AM
I'm not exactly completely coherent
that's pretty sweet desu
but gross
Sweet in an endearing way
Wait is endearing the right word
????D?G - Today at 1:58 AM
no, disgusting was the word you were looking for
.w.' - Today at 1:58 AM
there's an e word I was looking for
????D?G - Today at 1:58 AM
eisgusting
.w.' - Today at 1:58 AM
lul
Luuny (XenoJiivah) - Today at 1:59 AM
'endearing' I think is the word you're looking for
????D?G - Today at 2:00 AM
you know i'd probably go for it
i wouldn't mind being tard luna's keeper
spend two hours each morning cleaning her up
.w.' - Today at 2:01 AM
I'd have to make her shower with me
????D?G - Today at 2:01 AM
okay here's the new caveat
.w.' - Today at 2:01 AM
and get those teefers cleaned
????D?G - Today at 2:01 AM
she's deathly afraid of the shower for some reason
like
just starts screaming
won't stop until you turn the water off
deafening screams
sounds like she's being fucked to death with a gardening trowel
.w.' - Today at 2:02 AM
Can I convince her it's not so scary since I'm there
????D?G - Today at 2:02 AM
no, she's basically reverted to total fight or flight
.w.' - Today at 2:02 AM
Does she like rivers
or is she afraid of water period
????D?G - Today at 2:02 AM
just the shower, i'll be kind to you
.w.' - Today at 2:02 AM
cause I'll Indian this shit
Clean up in a river
????D?G - Today at 2:03 AM
also she's got more or less no problem with you brushing her teeth
.w.' - Today at 2:03 AM
Or a pool
????D?G - Today at 2:03 AM
but she thinks it's funny to bite your fingers sometimes
and she doesn't understand that fingers are pretty easy to chomp off
.w.' - Today at 2:03 AM
Well I better tape a stick to that toothbrush
????D?G - Today at 2:03 AM
especially with that horse's jaw of hers
.w.' - Today at 2:04 AM
Guess I won't be able to floss her then
Just brushie
And somehow try to not make her swallow the mouthwash
????D?G - Today at 2:04 AM
that's a big problem
.w.' - Today at 2:04 AM
Though she might spit it on me
????D?G - Today at 2:04 AM
she likes the minty taste
so she think it's a drink
chugs half the bottle in one go
.w.' - Today at 2:04 AM
she's already retarded a little mouthwash won't hurt right?
O
I see
????D?G - Today at 2:05 AM
"I DO NOT FEEL THE BEST"
.w.' - Today at 2:05 AM
Well I'll just have to bring a little in a vial each time and never the full amount
????D?G - Today at 2:05 AM
"WHY HAVE YOU POISONED ME ANON"(edited)
okay, when you're washing her she never lets you get near her crotch though
and that place is a disaster zone
i'm talking krusty kunt flakes and beyond
.w.' - Today at 2:06 AM
hmmmmm
????D?G - Today at 2:06 AM
never uses a tampon either
.w.' - Today at 2:06 AM
Blood crust
????D?G - Today at 2:06 AM
her inner thighs are always stained and matted a bit with blood
yeah she has a mighty impressive yeast infection too
likely been there for years
.w.' - Today at 2:06 AM
Jesus
uh
Maybe power wash that shit
????D?G - Today at 2:07 AM
power washer elicits same response as shower
.w.' - Today at 2:07 AM
force her to take a horse tranquilizer and work fast?
????D?G - Today at 2:07 AM
that's rape
.w.' - Today at 2:07 AM
Goddamnit
????D?G - Today at 2:07 AM
so i mean if you're okay with that
go for it
but you'll have to live with the knowledge of violation for the rest of your life(edited)
choosing this path also makes luna even more off
you'd think she wouldnt have comprehended it but something clearly changes in her
.w.' - Today at 2:08 AM
What other alternative would I have to clean it
????D?G - Today at 2:08 AM
now she has random night terrors
.w.' - Today at 2:09 AM
is that all? Night terrors?
Or is there more
????D?G - Today at 2:09 AM
yes but they're violent
and she refuses to sleep in a different bed than you
.w.' - Today at 2:09 AM
I think it would be kinda cute desu
????D?G - Today at 2:09 AM
also she starts hurting small animals
like, impulsively
.w.' - Today at 2:10 AM
full autism right there
????D?G - Today at 2:10 AM
and gets horrified moments after she's crushed them in her hands
"FIX THE BIRD ANON"
it flaps one wing limply and dies in her hands
"FIX IT"
.w.' - Today at 2:10 AM
what does she do when I can't fix it
????D?G - Today at 2:11 AM
she cries and retreats to a corner and rocks a little bit
starts apologizing to celestia for some reason even though celestia isn't anywhere around
.w.' - Today at 2:11 AM
maybe I can tell her I'll take it to the infirmary but in reality I'm just burying them
and not let her see
????D?G - Today at 2:11 AM
could you lie to her like that
.w.' - Today at 2:11 AM
if he makes her happy yes
She thinks I fix birb
????D?G - Today at 2:12 AM
that both broke my heart and gave me an erection
i need to call my therapist
.w.' - Today at 2:12 AM
same
tfw you will never be Luna's tard wrangler
????D?G - Today at 2:12 AM
okay now she asks you to fix every small animal she kills
because she thinks that it doesnt actually hurt them
and you can just make it better
so she's giving you small piles of crushed animal corpses now(edited)
.w.' - Today at 2:13 AM
well I hope fluttershy makes those animals go sex crazy
Cause the population is going down
????D?G - Today at 2:13 AM
hue
"WHERE DID ALL THE BIRDS GO ANON"
"THERE USED TO BE SO MANY"
.w.' - Today at 2:13 AM
"They uuuh"
"Migrated..."
????D?G - Today at 2:14 AM
holy fuck my sides
.w.' - Today at 2:14 AM
:raysShrug:
????D?G - Today at 2:14 AM
the worst part about this is now i have to write it
.w.' - Today at 2:14 AM
Lul
????D?G - Today at 2:15 AM
luna won't let you wash her crotch still
but after a few months of sleeping with you and using you like a teddy bear
she starts to grind on you in her sleep
.w.' - Today at 2:15 AM
I thought we went the night terror route
????D?G - Today at 2:15 AM
oh wait thiat's right
lel
.w.' - Today at 2:15 AM
where we cleanrape her
????D?G - Today at 2:15 AM
okay so she's clean now but you raped her
.w.' - Today at 2:15 AM
But not with my dick
just my hands
????D?G - Today at 2:16 AM
after a few months of sleeping with her and her using you like a teddy bear
her night terrors get sexual
.w.' - Today at 2:16 AM
Oof
????D?G - Today at 2:16 AM
she's screaming about her dad and the royal guard for some reason, and also starswirl
weird stuff probably means nothing
anyway
.w.' - Today at 2:16 AM
probably?
????D?G - Today at 2:16 AM
probably...
anyway she's grinding on you and obviously cumming
sometimes she has her hands around your throat with her tard grip while she bounces awkwardly against you
.w.' - Today at 2:17 AM
she better not fuck the royal guard I swear to god I'm not becoming a tard wrangler to get cucked out of moon sex
????D?G - Today at 2:17 AM
the implication is that her dad, the royal guard, and starswirl legit raped her as a filly
.w.' - Today at 2:17 AM
and us
????D?G - Today at 2:17 AM
at least that's what you can make out from her weird and disjointed night terror dialogue
nah she's more or less an adult at this point
.w.' - Today at 2:18 AM
well true
????D?G - Today at 2:18 AM
as much of an adult as she can be
.w.' - Today at 2:18 AM
so now she's like
Killing me sexually
I mean
I'm not against it
????D?G - Today at 2:18 AM
she doesnt actually though
.w.' - Today at 2:18 AM
a little chokey get my dick throbby
????D?G - Today at 2:19 AM
mostly just wakes you up to being choked out
okay if you get hard she's going to notice that
.w.' - Today at 2:19 AM
fug
????D?G - Today at 2:19 AM
but she actually takes to it
.w.' - Today at 2:19 AM
it's happening
????D?G - Today at 2:19 AM
but she still got tard strength going
legs crushing your hips
slamming down on you so hard it compacts your balls a bit
.w.' - Today at 2:20 AM
oof
well do I actually get like
Severely hurt
????D?G - Today at 2:20 AM
no but you get bruised pretty bad
.w.' - Today at 2:20 AM
or just regular pain and discomfort
that's a small price I'm willing to pay
????D?G - Today at 2:20 AM
and she sometimes takes you all night
so your dick gets chaffed or bleeds
and when she wakes up in the morning she screams at the sight of your blood
.w.' - Today at 2:21 AM
Extra texture for her
Maybe I can convince her it wasn't her fault?
????D?G - Today at 2:21 AM
also she goes regardless of how many times you cum and you always cum inside because she's just riding it almost mechanically for like 8 hours
yeah you can do that, and she appreciates it
.w.' - Today at 2:22 AM
preggers?
????D?G - Today at 2:22 AM
"I AM SO GLAD I DID NOT HURT YOU ANON YOU ARE MY FAVORITE"
you too are a man of taste i see
yeah after a few weeks you notice her tits are lactating and she's getting kinda pudgier than she already is
.w.' - Today at 2:22 AM
Will the babby be retard too
????D?G - Today at 2:22 AM
no way to tell before it's born
.w.' - Today at 2:23 AM
UGH
????D?G - Today at 2:23 AM
luna also has no idea what's happening to her
"WHY AM I DRIPPING FROM MY CHEST"
how do you explain to her she's pregnant
.w.' - Today at 2:23 AM
Christ
uh
I have no idea honestly
Maybe tell her she loves me so much that she's making a little anon and Luna mix(edited)
????D?G - Today at 2:26 AM
"WHY DID CELESTIA AND I NEVER DO SO"
"I LOVE HER ALMOST AS MUCH AS YOU"
.w.' - Today at 2:27 AM
Tell her it only happens with males you love a lot
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 2:33 AM
man
why'd I decide to get food halfway through this
why'd I sit here eating it while catching back up
.w.' - Today at 2:34 AM
nice
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 2:34 AM
tonight has been a litany of bad decisions
????D?G - Today at 2:38 AM
kek
alright, sorry, am back
luna accepts this @.w.'
.w.' - Today at 2:39 AM
Wew
so she continues to choke fuck me every night while having this baby?
????D?G - Today at 2:41 AM
yes
and she's still super rough
and also doesn't understand she needs to be more careful now that she's got the belly
she's also really freaked out by morning sickness
one day she runs up to you screaming and crying
"SOMETHING IS MOVING INSIDE ME ANON"
"I THINK I'M DYING"
actually she has no concept of death really
uh
.w.' - Today at 2:42 AM
Hmm
So for the morning sickness
I tell her it's lovesickness
From loving me so much
Kek
????D?G - Today at 2:43 AM
you sadistic fuck holy shit
.w.' - Today at 2:43 AM
And the inside moving thing I tell her is the little anon
Look man
She can't understand
Maybe I can get Celestia to help me, but will she kill me for making her tard sister pregnant
????D?G - Today at 2:44 AM
yeah celestia will fucking kill you for sure
.w.' - Today at 2:44 AM
well fuck
????D?G - Today at 2:44 AM
lol she comes by with your groceries and rent money and notices her sister's clearly pregnant
"anon, care to explain to me why my sister appears to have swallowed a bowling ball?"
.w.' - Today at 2:45 AM
"..."
????D?G - Today at 2:45 AM
"this is what i'm going to choose to believe for the moment as the alternative will end up very poorly for you"(edited)
.w.' - Today at 2:45 AM
"They migrated..."
????D?G - Today at 2:45 AM
ahah oh fuck
that's
that's fucking good
.w.' - Today at 2:46 AM
I don't see a way out of this
Unless Luna herself explains
Which she can't
Maybe she just goes up to her sister and is like
Hey
I'm making a little Anon cause I love him so much
????D?G - Today at 2:46 AM
"ANON SAID WE MADE A SMALL VERSION OF THE TWO OF US BECAUSE OF OUR LOVE"
yeah she blurts this out right after you say "they migrated"
.w.' - Today at 2:46 AM
Ayy :100:
????D?G - Today at 2:47 AM
celestia's eye twitches a bit
.w.' - Today at 2:47 AM
I smile the widest I can and hold Luna at my side and pray to god I don't die
????D?G - Today at 2:47 AM
"sister, anon and i are going to have a small chat really quickly"
celestia drags you by the throat into the next room over
luna doesnt question this because she chokes you all the time
"did you rape her anon"
.w.' - Today at 2:48 AM
My throat is powerful from all those nights of choking
????D?G - Today at 2:48 AM
"think very carefully about how you choose to answer this"
.w.' - Today at 2:48 AM
"Well princess, quote the opposite you see"
????D?G - Today at 2:48 AM
except you did
.w.' - Today at 2:48 AM
Yeah but
She doesn't need to know that
Plus I didn't get her pregnant from that
????D?G - Today at 2:49 AM
trve
celestia glowers at you and briefly considers castrating you
.w.' - Today at 2:49 AM
Unzip my pants and drop them and show her my bruises
Also my throat
????D?G - Today at 2:49 AM
"anon this is horribly inappropriate"
"was luna not enough for you?"
"you sicken me"
.w.' - Today at 2:50 AM
WHAT
Tell her I forgive Luna
:karat:
and that I want the baby
????D?G - Today at 2:50 AM
alright she incinerates you
.w.' - Today at 2:51 AM
Well at least I had extreme sex with Luna
????D?G - Today at 2:51 AM
but decides against it halfway through
and uncinerates you
.w.' - Today at 2:51 AM
so what did I lose
????D?G - Today at 2:51 AM
it's horribly painful but you're still alive
well, you were basically a flaming skeleton by the time she reversed it
.w.' - Today at 2:51 AM
I am now skeletor
????D?G - Today at 2:51 AM
so you're physically unharmed
because she put you back to normal
but you still felt the horrifying agony of it
.w.' - Today at 2:51 AM
sick
????D?G - Today at 2:52 AM
and you were sure you were going to die
so you gain heavy trauma from this
.w.' - Today at 2:52 AM
Wtf
Am I a weak fuck
I thought I was better than this
????D?G - Today at 2:52 AM
yes burning to death is spoopy
.w.' - Today at 2:52 AM
After all I had a scabbed dick
and throats crushed
And
????D?G - Today at 2:52 AM
burning to death is a bit more intensive than that
.w.' - Today at 2:52 AM
Pelvic region annihilated
fair enough
so do I have night terrors now
Not that I get much sleep anyways
????D?G - Today at 2:53 AM
sometimes
mostly about burning to death in the twin towers, weirdly enough
.w.' - Today at 2:53 AM
O
????D?G - Today at 2:53 AM
you also are deathly afraid of flames now
.w.' - Today at 2:53 AM
So what does she do
????D?G - Today at 2:54 AM
cant even go near a stove
.w.' - Today at 2:54 AM
She obviously put me out for a reason
????D?G - Today at 2:54 AM
celestia looks down at her hands and asks you to put your pants back on
.w.' - Today at 2:54 AM
do I get any uh
Beneficial side effects from being healed by a goddess
????D?G - Today at 2:55 AM
your dick is fresh again
.w.' - Today at 2:55 AM
Maybe my dick no longer hurts at night
Hell yes
????D?G - Today at 2:55 AM
celestia then sobs and hugs you and thanks you for giving her sister a life she never thought was possible for her
.w.' - Today at 2:55 AM
wtf Celestia
180 bitch
????D?G - Today at 2:55 AM
"i am very confused right now"
"do not judge me"
"and you must know that if you ever slip up for a second you will be incinerated again but i am going to make sure it takes several days to burn"
.w.' - Today at 2:57 AM
I hope more babies aren't a fuck up because she's still hopping on my dick every night
????D?G - Today at 2:57 AM
celestia admits that that's inevitable as well, although she also reconsiders castration again
.w.' - Today at 2:57 AM
tell her humans die if they are castrated
She wouldn't want Luna sad now would she?
And leave her with a fatherless babby
????D?G - Today at 2:59 AM
celestia gives you a scrying look but falls for it
.w.' - Today at 3:00 AM
Also you said hands
So I'm assuming anthro?
????D?G - Today at 3:00 AM
yeah this has all been anthro
.w.' - Today at 3:00 AM
kk
????D?G - Today at 3:00 AM
i mentioned hands multiple times
"SISTER ARE YOU AND ANON NEARLY FINISHED I NEED HIM TO MILK ME AT LEAST ONCE AN HOUR"
"HE TOLD ME THAT WAS GOOD FOR LITTLE ANON"
.w.' - Today at 3:00 AM
Well there goes the incineration
????D?G - Today at 3:01 AM
celestia tenses up but holds herself back
.w.' - Today at 3:01 AM
I put on my winning smile
????D?G - Today at 3:01 AM
"i suppose this means you need more bits every month"
.w.' - Today at 3:01 AM
decline and say I have enough and have been saving
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 3:01 AM
I have one question at this point
it's already established that Luna kills small animals accidentally because she doesn't understand what she's doing, or what death is
.w.' - Today at 3:02 AM
don't get ahead plz
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 3:02 AM
what, exactly, does that mean for when your tard lovebaby is born
????D?G - Today at 3:02 AM
i see you've figured out where i was going (^:
.w.' - Today at 3:02 AM
I already thought about this too
????D?G - Today at 3:02 AM
we'll cross that bridge when we get to it
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 3:02 AM
I mean, don't skip ahead on my account
I just wanted to be sure this was going to be addessed
????D?G - Today at 3:03 AM
luna already isn't super careful about her belly in general
so you have to constantly monitor her
.w.' - Today at 3:03 AM
Possible miscarriage if I don't
which I would hate to see Celestia if that happened
????D?G - Today at 3:03 AM
you caught her laying on her stomach a few times and giggling weirdly when she put pressure down
so you had to put a stop to that
.w.' - Today at 3:04 AM
ofc
and maybe softer sex at night
Choking can stay
but maybe slow it down a bit
Forcefully if have to
????D?G - Today at 3:05 AM
"ANON DONT YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE"
"WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP"
.w.' - Today at 3:05 AM
Tell her that she needs to be softer if she wants little anon to be big and strong
and remind her that if I didn't love her the baby wouldn't be there
:karat:
????D?G - Today at 3:06 AM
"YOU ARE VERY SMART ANON"
"I HOPE OUR FOAL IS SMART LIKE YOU AND NOT LIKE ME"
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 3:07 AM
aww man
you just had to slip a Forrest Gump moment in there
.w.' - Today at 3:07 AM
Immediately feel bad and tell her you love her exactly the way she is
and hope the baby looks just like her
????D?G - Today at 3:08 AM
luna tears up a bit and gives you a rib crushing hug(edited)
you see stars and everything
.w.' - Today at 3:08 AM
Man I haven't seen Forrest In forerver
????D?G - Today at 3:08 AM
forrest gump puts me in tears like a lil bitch(edited)
.w.' - Today at 3:09 AM
My pelvic region is already fucked I'm sure the shoulders needed some loving
Dinoguy1000 - Today at 3:09 AM
your shoulders are untouched, she got you across the chest
.w.' - Today at 3:09 AM
Oof
That's ok I only needed those lungs

????D?G - Today at 3:10 AM
little anon also kicks you in the crotch since it's pressed up against her belly
.w.' - Today at 3:10 AM
remind him that those are the family jewels tyvm
????D?G - Today at 3:11 AM
okay a couple more months go by and it finally happens
"ANON I PEED MYSELF AND EVERYTHING HURTS"
"LITTLE ANON WON'T STOP KICKING ME VERY HARD"
.w.' - Today at 3:11 AM
take her to royal horsepital
????D?G - Today at 3:12 AM
>horsepital
one thousand kekkles
.w.' - Today at 3:12 AM
:karat:
????D?G - Today at 3:12 AM
luna gets visibly shook when you suggest the hospital(edited)
"THAT"S THE BAD PLACE"
you can't convince her to go
.w.' - Today at 3:13 AM
call Celestia and deliver the babby with her
That'll teach the bitch for almost incinerating me
????D?G - Today at 3:13 AM
okay, celestia comes and brings some physicians as well to deal with that mess
unfortunately luna refuses to let doctors go near her
.w.' - Today at 3:14 AM
So the doctors walk us through it
????D?G - Today at 3:14 AM
Celestia has had like seventeen kids though since she an old bitch
so she plays midwife pretty fine, also yeah
congratulations now you have a tiny satyr
it's a girl!
.w.' - Today at 3:14 AM
goddamnit I wanted a boy
????D?G - Today at 3:14 AM
celestia slaps you
.w.' - Today at 3:15 AM
remember what she said and make sure Luna didn't hear
and show her babby
but don't let her have her just yet
????D?G - Today at 3:15 AM
luna is pretty out of it
"SHE LOOKS VERY STRANGE BUT I LOVE HER SO MUCH"
.w.' - Today at 3:16 AM
let her rest while I get babby to doctors
If she asks why she can't see her yet
Tell her that it's standard that the doctors make she the baby is alright
????D?G - Today at 3:16 AM
celestia attends to luna while you go to the doctors
.w.' - Today at 3:17 AM
Ask if they have any experience with a satyr
????D?G - Today at 3:17 AM
"no we still have no idea what the fuck you are"
"some sort of bald diamond dog?"
.w.' - Today at 3:18 AM
bite tongue and ask if they can just fucking do it
????D?G - Today at 3:18 AM
yeah they check her over and she seems fine
did inherit luna's cockeye though
.w.' - Today at 3:18 AM
a minor setback
????D?G - Today at 3:18 AM
she even has little wings and a horn nub
.w.' - Today at 3:19 AM
ayy lmao
new princess
????D?G - Today at 3:19 AM
ya boi
.w.' - Today at 3:19 AM
heir to the retard throne
????D?G - Today at 3:19 AM
as far as they can tell she's got no brain things going on
but you cant tell for certain until she starts going through more developmental stages
.w.' - Today at 3:20 AM
fair
I lay babby in cradle and check on lulu
????D?G - Today at 3:20 AM
"ANON MAY I SEE STAR DANCER PLEASE"
"THAT IS WHAT I HAVE NAMED HER I HOPE IT IS PLEASING"
.w.' - Today at 3:21 AM
Say that's a wonderful name but I need to talk to her first
????D?G - Today at 3:21 AM
"WHAT IS IT"
.w.' - Today at 3:22 AM
Tell her that she has to be really careful, even more careful than she was with me during the pregnancy, because you don't have experience with Satyrs like you do the other animals and can't easily fix everything
????D?G - Today at 3:23 AM
"BUT YOU CAN FIX ANYTHING"
.w.' - Today at 3:24 AM
I can fix what I know, but this satyr is an entirely new thing that no one really knows
????D?G - Today at 3:24 AM
your lies are catching up to you boi :^)
.w.' - Today at 3:24 AM
REEE
????D?G - Today at 3:24 AM
"OKAY I TRUST YOU"
.w.' - Today at 3:24 AM
Also
Ask Celestia who is off to the side to put a protective charm on the baby
Which will hopefully have no side effects
????D?G - Today at 3:25 AM
celestia commends you for the smart thinking and does so, but says that it'll wear off every month or so
.w.' - Today at 3:25 AM
Ask if she can do it every month
????D?G - Today at 3:25 AM
"absolutely, you'll be responsible for reminding me though"
"i have a kingdom to run"
.w.' - Today at 3:26 AM
I'm used to tediousness with Luna so I'm sure I'll remember
????D?G - Today at 3:26 AM
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT"
.w.' - Today at 3:26 AM
"Uh
About getting furniture for the baby"
????D?G - Today at 3:27 AM
"I WOULD LIKE HER TO USE TIA'S OLD CRIB THAT SHE SAVED IN THE PALACE FROM WHEN WE WERE FOALS"
celestia mumbles something about getting dust in her eyes and leaves the room pretty quickly
.w.' - Today at 3:27 AM
Ok so now I can let her see babby
Charm should be up
I'm alert
Luna herself is still probably tired
????D?G - Today at 3:28 AM
Luna gently takes Star in her hands and kinda awkwardly pushes her against her breast
"OKAY IT IS TIME TO FEED"
star sort of looks at her blankly
.w.' - Today at 3:28 AM
Wonder where she learnt that from
????D?G - Today at 3:29 AM
iirc it's a hardwired instinct for mothers in general(edited)
.w.' - Today at 3:29 AM
fair enough
????D?G - Today at 3:29 AM
but she's still not doing it right
plus you were milking her all the time
remember
.w.' - Today at 3:29 AM
uh
shit
Gotta think quick
????D?G - Today at 3:29 AM
"WHAT DO I DO HERE ANON"
"YOU TRY"
.w.' - Today at 3:30 AM
is it bad I knew that was coming
anyways
????D?G - Today at 3:30 AM
(^:
.w.' - Today at 3:30 AM
Tell her uh
That your milk isn't as good for her as hers is
????D?G - Today at 3:31 AM
"I ENJOY YOUR MILK QUITE A BIT"
.w.' - Today at 3:31 AM
and that you will just get her some baby formula that the doctors brought
say that's because she loves you so much
but the baby has a different kind of love
????D?G - Today at 3:32 AM
"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BUT ALRIGHT"
.w.' - Today at 3:32 AM
Fuck yes crisis and humiliation averted
????D?G - Today at 3:32 AM
luna has actually improved quite a bit since you first engaged with her
she even brushes her own teeth sometimes
.w.' - Today at 3:32 AM
hell yes
????D?G - Today at 3:33 AM
and she's much better at talking because someone (you) actually talked to her regularly(edited)
.w.' - Today at 3:33 AM
Does she still shout all the time
????D?G - Today at 3:33 AM
yes
that's probably not gonna stop
.w.' - Today at 3:33 AM
Gues I can't have everything
So now I feed babby
with stuff from doctors apparently
????D?G - Today at 3:34 AM
Star spits it up on you
seems she only wants it from luna
luna was just holding her all weird and awkwardly and like
.w.' - Today at 3:34 AM
sweats
????D?G - Today at 3:35 AM
smashing her boobs against her face
so star was confused
.w.' - Today at 3:35 AM
Tell Luna she has to listen carefully
And explain everything to her
so she can breastfeed properly
Not everything as in
the rapeclean and shit
????D?G - Today at 3:35 AM
ahah
.w.' - Today at 3:36 AM
But everything as in breastfeeding
Well what I know about it
I'm anon
Not a doctor
????D?G - Today at 3:36 AM
don't need to be a doctor to learn the ins and outs of breastfeeding :^)
okay luna eventually gets it, it does take a few times
.w.' - Today at 3:36 AM
I was probably a nerd back on earth
????D?G - Today at 3:36 AM
yeah, you were
.w.' - Today at 3:37 AM
can anon ever be chad
wel I guess having a baby with royalty is pretty chad
????D?G - Today at 3:37 AM
no, chad anon doesnt get to go to equestria
.w.' - Today at 3:37 AM
UGH
????D?G - Today at 3:37 AM
he ends up going to like, the SU version of earth
to fuck gay space rocks like a real man
.w.' - Today at 3:38 AM
Smh my fucking head
????D?G - Today at 3:38 AM
you'd fucking smash peridot don't even lie
.w.' - Today at 3:38 AM
maybe just once
or seventy
????D?G - Today at 3:38 AM
that's shattering, not smashing (^:
.w.' - Today at 3:39 AM
fuck me lul
????D?G - Today at 3:39 AM
but yeah having a barely retarded baby with the retard princess of equestria is chad af
i guess the retardery of the two of you cancelled out
.w.' - Today at 3:40 AM
2 negatives = a positive
????D?G - Today at 3:40 AM
basic math
.w.' - Today at 3:40 AM
it's all gonna be fine
????D?G - Today at 3:40 AM
hopefully we don't get banned for roleplaying
i-i swear this is for a story