"My Little Airman pt 41 The Hardest Part of Letting Go"
By PonyAirman (https://pastebin.com/u/PonyAirman)

URL: https://pastebin.com/tjJTfb5W
Created on: Monday 21st of January 2013 05:13:07 PM CDT
Retrieved on: Monday 26 of October 2020 04:39:29 AM UTC


Part 41 The Hardest Part of Letting Go

>It's a hot, dry day in the desert
>The heat waves surround you, bouncing off the surrounding sand
>Burning light fills your vision, and hot sweat pours down your face
>This deployment was hell, but at least it was better than the job at the office
>You were bored as hell at that office, which was why you volunteered to deploy
>Parched, you open your canteen and take a swig
>That sweet, plasticy taste of the water is the only thing keeping you from an agonizing death from thirst
>"Hey Senior Airman Anon! What are we doing here?"
>God damn
 Airman First Class Blakely, did you fucking pay attention this morning?
>"Uh...No sir!"
>Fucking A1Cs. They think they're hot shit, but when it comes down to the real stuff, they need their hands held like kindergartners
>You ought to know. It wasn't too long ago that you got promoted to SrA
Alright. We're out on patrol. Normally, we'd be sitting in our air-conditioned server room fixing our shit, but today we're augmenting Security Forces.
>"Why is that, sir?"
>Inquisitive little bastard
I don't fucking know. But unless you have something intelligent to say, shut the hell up.
>He looks down
>Heat was never something you enjoyed, coming from a cold, wintery, mountainous area, so you were understandably grumpy
>He suddenly looks back at you
>"SrA An-"
>A loud crack interrupts him, and his head jerks to the side, and his body collapses
>You look to your right, and an explosion goes off not too far away from your location
>You felt the shockwave come over you, and-

>You wake with a start
>These nightmares were becoming clearer every night
>They seemed far too realistic for dreams, yet something less than memory
>You couldn't really accurately describe how they felt real and fake at the same time
>Still in your hospital bed, you glance over
>Twilight Sparkle was sleeping peacefully next to you, surprisingly
>You thought you would've jerked around, waking her
>Three weeks of sleeping in this bed, and the two of you were no closer to finding out anything about your temporary insanity
>Still nighttime, you can see the brilliance of the full moon in the window
>Slowly, you get up and put on your leather jacket on the chair next to you
>Wait, when did you get a leather jacket?
>Never mind, doesn't matter. You need something on besides that one piece hospital clothing
>Warmth finds you, and you walk slowly outside your room
>You're still hurting, but that familiar combination of rest, medicine, and healing magic have given you enough of a recovery to walk around
>No way in hell you're combat ready, but at least you're mobile
>Outside of your room, you walk down the hall, avoiding any wandering nurse ponies
>Before long, you walk down the stairs, through the hall, and out the main entrance
>The castle in sight, you make your way there, seeing nopony
>...
>Damn...they got you saying it now.
>It takes a while to get there
>What might have been a ten minute walk took damn near an hour for you
>Time check: 0134
>Huh. Still plenty of time to enjoy yourself
>Your chest hurts, heart beating like hell, but at least you're there
>Finding a tree, with a nice area of grass underneath it, next to a flower patch, you slowly lie yourself against it
>The stars above you, a gentle breeze, the sweet scent of plant life...
>You're reminded of something...
Yes, this is it. This spot is where I want to be buried when my time comes
>You hope that it's not anytime soon, though. You do have somepony to live for now
>Resting by the tree, you're far from asleep, that nightmare still fresh in your mind
>It's so calm out here
>The stars twinkle in the night sky
So...
>"Beautiful?"
>Startled, you quickly turn, instantly regretting that movement, as you feel your injuries scream at you
>"Relax, Anon. It is a beautiful night. My beautiful night."
>Looking up, you see the younger sister
Hello, Princess Luna
>"How are you doing?"
I'm ok
>She appears to sense that you're not being entirely truthful
>"Anon, how have your dreams been?"
>You don't answer
>She sits beside you
>"It's alright. I know of your awful nightmares."
>You look into her eyes
How?
>"I am Luna, Princess of the night! The dream world is a part of my domain."
Huh.
>"Yes, now, please tell me what are all those horrible things in your dreams."
>You feel compelled to tell her honestly
>No reason not to tell her, or none that you can see
 It's...difficult. What fills my sleeping mind is war. Human war. We have developed plenty of weapons designed to efficiently kill other humans. Guns, grenades, bombs, that's not the worst we've made. But what happened in my dream right now... I don't know if it was a memory, or just a dream, but in it, I was deployed, on the lookout for terrorists.
>"Terrorists?"
Yes, terrorists. In my day, that's what we were hunting. Terrible people who harm others in the name of their beliefs. I was with a fellow airman, and I guess...we got attacked.
>She looks into your eyes
>"Are you afraid of these visions?"
>You think it over
No, I'm not. At least, not in the way you might suggest. I think, if I'm afraid of anything about them, it's the fact that I'm seeing them relentlessly, what it might imply.
>"And that is...?"
I... don't know. By all accounts, if they're memories, I should have a strong case of post-traumatic stress disorder. I had the signs of it after being tortured by the griffins, but it disappeared. I don't know what's going on, and I'm afraid that I'm some sort of terrible monster.
>"Anon..."
>You stop yourself, and turn to her
>"I don't believe you're a monster. Must I remind you that you defended Equestria, even after my sister banished you? Only a noble warrior would do that."
I don't know...
>She stands
>"My sister feels so much guilt about banishing you. She would have no regret, if you were anything less than a hero."
>You look away, nothing to say
>"I think it would be best if you were to see her."
>You look up
I...
>"Yes?"
I think I would like that.
>"I thought you might. Come, she's a bit further into the garden. She's been there for weeks. When you walked back to your cell, she slowly followed, and as you passed out in your cell, she called for the guards to take you to the hospital."
>Wait...
Why did she follow me?
>"I don't know for sure, but I am fairly certain she wanted to make sure you were safe. As for why she only followed, I'm pretty sure she was waiting for you to pass out, so it would be safe to treat your injuries."
>Well, sounds reasonable
>You were pretty damn irrational after being swallowed alive by a dragon
>And before that, sustaining a chest wound that got infected
>Of course, it didn't help that the dragon further aggravated it by chewing in that EXACT FUCKING SPOT
Ok
>You struggle to stand, when Luna's horn starts to glow
>no no no No NONONONONO
>You resist the urge to yell that
Please, let me get up by myself.
>"If you insist"
>It takes about fifteen seconds, slow by anyone's standards
>But you've kept your independence, that's what's important
>"Follow me"
>Nodding, you slowly walk behind her
>She takes you to a part of the garden you're a bit unfamiliar with
>Damn, just how big is this garden?
>Perhaps it's just that you didn't explore, having found a relaxing area
>You had no motivation to go beyond your comfort zone
>It felt like an eternity, but looking at your watch, you see that only fifteen minutes have passed
>As you're about to comment on the length of this walk, you see a familiar ethereal mane
>Next to her, a statue that catches your attention
>A...well, you're not sure...but it looks forward, frozen in fear
>A mismatched assortment of body parts, this thing looks terribly awful, and emanates a terrifying aura
>You feel dread overcome you
>Violent sickness threatens you
>All you can feel for this statue is complete and utter disgust
>Despite the strong urge to run away from that statue, you stand your ground, and clear your throat
>Startled, Princess Celestia turns to you
>You salute
Ma'am, Captain Anon repor-
>"That's enough, Anon."
>Seeing her face, it appears she hasn't slept well in a while, and she surely hasn't eaten much, if at all
Princess? What's wrong?
>She looks down
>"Anon, I wish you didn't have to see me like this."
Well, I had been wondering where you have been. Everypony I know has visited my bedside, as well as plenty of ponies I only vaguely know or don't know at all. Of those who I really needed to visited, only one hasn't."
>Her expression saddens
>"Anon, why? I have not acted fair to you. I...bear all the guilt for your injuries... I...
Quit being hard on yourself, Princess.
>"But-"
>You gotta put your foot down on this now
You're a leader, ma'am. Back on my world, leaders sent my brothers-in-arms to faraway places to die protecting their own interests. You do nothing like that: Instead, you protect your citizens as best as you can, and I'm here to use my expertise to make that happen. I am not surprised that you banished me when I displayed signs of turning hostile, nor do I blame you for it. There's only one question I have.
>She seems to be in a better disposition
>"What is it?"
You gave me no chance to speak for myself, and I was presumed guilty of willful malice. Why did you not give me the chance to speak for myself?
>Celestia looks at the statue before answering you
>"Anon, look at this statue."
I have. I don't like it. Why do you have something so horrid in a beautiful garden like this?
>"This...is Discord, a draconequus."
It's a statue of Discord?
>"No...This is actually him. He is the incarnation of disharmony. Terror swept the land when he came, with chaos running amok. No conventional magic could stop him. The only way I knew how to stop him was to use the elements of harmony to imprison him in stone. I didn't think it was possible he would ever escape, but he has once already. The lost connection between Luna and myself to the elements led to the weakening of our spell, and his escape. Twilight and her friends were able to use the elements to imprison him again, but ever since, I've been worried. This was about a month before you appeared."
>That explains....nothing
>In fact, what the hell?
>Turning someone into stone and displaying them in the garden? What the fuck
>Isn't that rather evil?
>Your attention focuses instead on the matter at hand
What does this have to do with me?
>"Since the first time you displayed your magic abilities against the changelings, I've been keeping an eye on you. Over time, you've gained control and refined that talent, one I presume you've never had before."
>Though that's true, you're starting to get impatient
>"When I first felt your aura, it seemed sinister and familiar, and on that...dark night... I realized why: you have the same magical signature as Discord. I thought only to protect my ponies while you were still not completely corrupted. I hoped you would disappear, because I could not stand the thought of Twilight having to use the elements of harmony against you. I was foolish to think you would not return."
>Indeed she was
I would never abandon Equestria
>"I know that now. You have been a loyal guard, beyond anything I would expect from any of my ponies. I just...couldn't see you. Not after all that I've done to you. I could never apologize enough, and I know I cannot make it up to you. Theres-"
>You have to interrupt her
Enough, Princess. I do not hold any of your actions personally. I forgive all that you've done to me."
>Her eyes glistening, you continue
If anything, I am the one that needs forgiveness. I could gain yours, but it would be meaningless. I cannot forgive myself for all I've done. Though I was not in control of myself, I am still responsible for the lives I claimed here months ago. I led my only four loyal troops to their deaths. Those lives weigh heavily on me, and I know I won't make up for the trouble that I HAVE caused. I'm the mons-
>"Anon, you've saved Equestria more than once, putting yourself in personal danger. You've done your duty, one that nopony except you felt you had. My Guards will miss you, but they've gained a hero to look up to."
>Pause
>What
What do you mean they're going to miss me?
>She appears a little surprised
>"I figured you've done enough fighting. I want to grant you an early retirement, considering everything you've been through."
>You shake your head
No thank you, Princess, I'll stay in the Guard. Though I can never make it up, I'll never quit trying to atone for my sins by protecting Equestria from evil
>Tears finally fall from her face
>"Th-thank you."
>You walk closer, but are suddenly stopped by the aura from the statue
>Oh yeah, that's still there
Tell me, why do I have this thing's magical aura?
>"I honestly don't know. I could guess that when you arrived here, the transition from your world to ours infused a magical ability that only recently grew strong enough to manifest itself, but that would only be a guess. And it doesn't explain the signature you have, nor how you're uncorrupted. This kind of dark magic corrupts the user, and turns them into a monster. If you truly want to know, I am confident Twilight Sparkle will eventually find the answer."
>A thought suddenly pops up in your mind
Princess, how do you feel about my life here?
>Without a second thought, she answers
>"You are a welcome member of Equestria. I wish a long, happy life for you, Anon."
My relationship with Twilight-
>"Please find happiness with her."
>Well, there's your answer
Thank you, Princess. I need to get back to the hospital. Please visit me sometime, and please move on.
>You turn, and walk away
>Though there's a chill down your spine from the statue, you are in high spirits
>First, a few more days of hospital care, and you can honor your fallen comrades
>Second, off to a jewelry store
>And last, a question...and then finally, a good attempt to a normal life
>Yep, you think that perhaps your luck is finally turning around