"Oh Horsefeathers OR Rainbow Daddy Issues (RD X Grampa Gruff)"
By Mr_Sympathy (https://pastebin.com/u/Mr_Sympathy)

URL: https://pastebin.com/hZnNzDUq
Created on: Monday 29th of May 2017 07:00:45 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Saturday 31 of October 2020 11:01:31 PM UTC


"It was probably my dad." said Rainbow Dash, finally managing to diffuse the tension in the room.
"What? What about him?" questioned Gilda, first confused, and then concerned. "He didn't-" she followed up, leaning closer to her once-regained bff "-touch you or anything, right?"
Dash recoiled from the suggestion so hard she actually flew up out of her cloudy chair. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
Gilda's expression became an unreadable mess of eye-rolling at Dash's most uncool overreaction, and the creeping, face-shaping notion that she may have upset her friend.
Dash continued, wisely deciding to reign it in a notch for Gilda's sake. "I mean- not on purpose or anything. When I was just a foal, we would go flying together all the time, and I was too young to fly on my own, right? So my Dad would carry me between his front legs, and, sometimes, my tail or my flank might kinda...bump up against something. A little. Especially if the wind got rough. And, trust me, in some parts of Equestria, it's always rough."
If the barely-perceivable twitch in her marehood was anything to go by, Rainbow Dash was onto something with her explanation. It would seem those memories were, in fact, formative of her tastes.
She sat back down in her seat, at least partially to kill the excitement she felt, being airborne herself while thinking of those airborne memories.
Gilda fought slightly with the cushion on her chair, hoping to return to a more comfortable set-up.
Twisting and fidgeting, she failed and wrote the effort off as futile, but she started to see Dash's point in bringing up her father in the first place."So, because of that, you like older toms?".
"Stallions." Dash not-quite-interrupted, feeling the beginnings of a blush. "I-it's not normally griffons."
"It's a griffon this time though, Dash." retorted Gilda, who tried carefully to sound no-nonsense but not angry, upset, or accusatory.
It was not a skill that came easily to her. "Specifically, a tomcat I never would have thought I had to worry about one of my friends having sex with!"
Dash swiftly tried to make eye contact with the wall behind her without moving her head. "Yeah..." was all she managed to say.
Gilda's expression hardened as she thought of something, "Hey, why didn't your dad carry you on his back when you two flew together?"
Dash had the answer to that one no sweat. "I could never see what was ahead of us from back there. Just....dad-neck. Really boring."
Gilda nodded. Boredom, she knew, must never be suffered, if you could help it.
This was something her and Dash had agreed on since they first met.
"That doesn't really explain why you fucked my grandpa and not some other older...stallion or tomcat, though, Dash." said Gilda, trying not to sound standoffish, and not quite sure if she was succeeding.
Dash retreated inwards just a little. Her cheeks turned a vibrant purple, combining the red of a blush with her sky blue coat.
Gilda briefly considered dropping this entire conversation like algebra class - never mind that Dash was the one who had actually done that back in highschool, and made Gilda promise not to tell any purple unicorns about it for some reason.
Dash took a moment to try and find the words, gesturing idly with one hoof.
"I mean, it's just... I'm around you guys a lot lately since you and I reconnected, Gil."
From that, Gilda knew the answer coming would be unsatisfying, but it helped to hear Dash reaffirm that, yes, they were friends again.
Sure, she wasn't questioning it, but some things you just don't get tired of hearing over and over.
"So...I guess I...talk to your grandpa alot." Dash continued, idly sweeping towards an empty part of the room with one forehoof. "And he tells me a lot of stories and jokes and...I dunno, I kinda like...some of them a little."
Gilda made a click-like chirp in surprise, eyes widening and forgetting how to blink as she tried to process what she just heard. "Dash, are you seriously telling me you jumped my grampa's bones because of his-"
"Okay, I like all of them alot!" Dash suddenly blurted out, blushing so strongly it blew right past purple and turned her entire face a bright, cherry red.
"...Dash, I've heard most of his stories. They're not that good." said Gilda, trying to brush past Dash's embarrassment, however tempting it might have been to tease her about it. There were more important things right now.
Dash hemmed, and hawed, staring at the floor, thinking about Gilda's words and how she was essentially right. Grampa Gruff had a *few* good stories, but, thinking about it now, most of them were pretty boring. The only difference between her recollections of those stories, and Gruff telling them to her in-person, was, well, Gruff telling them to her in-person.
Dash's eyes widened and she nodded to herself in what Gilda could tell was resignation. Then she said, "Aw, crap..." quietly, almost too quiet to hear.
"Crap what?" asked Gilda.
Dash shared what her moment of pensiveness caused her to learn. "Dude, you're right. Your grandpa's stories *suck*. So...the only way him telling them to me could've made me wanna ride his-"
"DON'T", panickedly choked out Gilda.
"...yeah." continue Dash. "It must just be that...I'd like him no matter what. He wouldn't really have to do anything to seduce me."
Gilda winced at her phrasing, but decided to let it go. That her best friend found her grandfather...seductive... was not exactly new information.
She did have to listen to them fuck last night.
Dash, to Gilda's eternal gratitude, cut off Gilda's remembering the events of the prior night, "Gil, am I easy?"
The look on Dash's face, and the question coming out of it were surprisingly sincere.
"Dude, of course not." came the equally sincere response from Dash's griffon bestie. "It's not like you're banging every griffon you get your hooves on, just- just kinda my grandpa. This is such a lame topic." She crossed her forelegs, uncomfortable with the notion that she might have to get comfortable with this, as it was starting to sound like it wasn't a one time thing.
Dash sat up, returning to a more confident posture than anything else she had this whole conversation. "Heh, that your way of sayin' you wanna stop talkin' about it?". She didn't have Gilda's qualms about teasing friends.
"Kinda!" shouted Gilda, starting to get huffy. "You fucked my *grandpa*, Dash. It's weird."
Dash was unperturbed. "Not *that* weird." she said, "He is a pretty handsome guy."
Gilda, unamused, fired back. "Have you seen the scar going through his eye?!"
"That just means he's rugged!" said Dash, for the first time getting defensive about her tastes in mates. 
Her simple assertion was met with a curious stare. "Whaddya mean rugged?" asked Gilda.
Dash fired back the exact same stare. "Y'know, rugged. Strong, masculine - it looks like he's been in fights, and he's all tough and stuff."
"And that's h-", began Gilda, before thinking better of her word choice. "That's something ponies like?"
"The mares, yeah." said Dash. "Well, straight mares. And I guess gay stallions. You guys don't?"
"Nah." said Gilda, "Most griffons like it when someone looks all clean and pristine and stuff. Out of shape, even. It means they have  a lot of money, and never had to do anything rough and can affords all kindsa...fancy spa treatments and crap. Plus, we're kinda big on grooming." Gilda seemed to get embarrassed at that. Dash would've asked why, but she noticed Gilda was swishing her distinctly-feline tail back and forth, and it seemed to answer the question.
Gilda leaned back. "Y'know, putting it like that, it's amazing more griffons don't hook up with ponies."
Dash nodded. "Yeah, I was just thinking that."
There was a pause.
One that was far too long for either of them to stand.
It must've lasted nearly five seconds.
"Look." said Gilda, lazily waving a claw at nothing in particular, "Can you just...find somewhere else to...do stuff like that with him? I gotta sleep here. The walls ain't super thick, you know?"
Dash had to try very hard to not take the phrase 'super thick' and use it to make her sole griffon buddy even more uncomfortable than she had been throughout this conversation. But she managed to succeed. "Gil, wouldn't it make more sense for you to leave? It's Gruff's house."
Gilda started to fly up and shout something angry and defensive, but stopped short, deciding instead to grumble and turn away in a huff. "Half and half then." she said curtly.
"I dunno, Gil." began Dash, her playful tone taking on an almost sadistic edge, "Gruff might not exactly go for being kicked outta his own house, ya freeloader."
Gilda puffed up, every feather and follicle of fur sticking out with the force of a quill as 1000 rants about how Dash had no room to talk on that front considering how lazy she was, while Gilda at least *tried* to get her baking business going.
Then Dash cut her off. "Buuuuut I guess I put you in a rough spot. On accident. I'm sorry." While Gilda tried to form a response, Dash continued, getting to her hooves. "We can do half and half."
Gilda deflated with a simple. "Okay." before flying across the room to her oldest friend and following with a mirror of Dash's teasing cadence, "But if you tell me to start callin' you 'grandma Dash', we're goin' right back to the abysmal abyss and I'm *throwin'* ya down it."
"Pfft, you wouldn't take this away from your poor, old granddad." said Dash, smacking her rump with a hoof.
"Too far." said Gilda, flatly - not that she could poke any holes in that argument. Also the phrase 'poke any holes' made her coat crawl.
Dash thought for a moment, "Mmm. Yeah. My bad." she said, accompanied by the familiar sound of Grampa Gruff landing on the ground outside as he finally returned from whatever errand he was off on. She immediately perked up, her blue coat seemingly getting a shade lighter from what Gilda guessed was some kind of magical pony swoon.
Even Gilda, in all her cantankerousness, recognized it as puppy love. As the latch of her front door started turning, and Dash's excitement at the return of her new coltfriend only grew, Gilda steeled herself, and wondered what the future would hold.
She mostly hoped she wouldn't end up with any baby aunts or uncles. Now there was a nasty thought.