"(JoJo) ASB: Jonathan vs. Fire in the Church" By Ditherer (https://pastebin.com/u/Ditherer) URL: https://pastebin.com/si7M9A9f Created on: Monday 9th of January 2017 02:01:39 PM CDT Retrieved on: Saturday 31 of October 2020 12:29:48 PM UTC >Be Anon, rookie dimensional traveler! >Secretly still a thirsty bastard. >Twi built a portal, and now you're testing it. >She proved multiverse theory just to construct this thing. >And you're here for research materials, she said. >By which she means there's a design flaw. >It won't stay open forever. >And you won't make it back through unless you're carrying a powerful souvenir. >Something about aura thresholds and thaumic resonance, whatever. >She told you what your target was. >You don't know why she wants something like that so badly, but... >You trust her. >Or at least, you would if you didn't have to climb into a cave after it. >The whole thing's mostly one chamber, a huge hole, but on the far wall, there it is. >You keep ?Fire in the Church? nearby. >Treading, churchmouse style, to what a pleb would call a coincidental outcropping. >You're in no mood for any Indiana Jones bullshit. >You curl your fingers under the mask. >Fuck, dude, stop sweating. >Grab it... >KEEP IT TOGETHER MAN. >Lift! >It comes off the wall easy. >Alright, back to the entry- >"Who goes there?" >Aw fug. >You spin around, and... >Come ON, universe! >Of all the people who could see you holding this thing... >Jonathan Joestar enters the cave. ALL STAR BATTLE: ?Jonathan Joestar vs. Anonymous!? OPEN THE GAME! "Uh, I was just, um. Uh..." >He's bulk as fuck. >Like, more than you were expecting. >This is another universe, you guess it's one where he didn't die. >And... kept training... >Fuck. >"If you comprehend what you've taken, I'd suggest you put it back and take your leave." >You imagine yourself trying to explain dimensional travel to a 19th-century nobleman. >You imagine having your head beaten in by Hamon. "I-I, I just, really need this mask for a little bit. I'll bring it back." >"I see." >He sighs. >"I laid this mask out as a flytrap for future enemies, but I prayed no one would be fool enough to fall into it." >Shit, he can just take the mask from you, can't he? >You don't want to risk it. >Man's got gains up the ass. >Fuck, think! Be serious! >"I can promise you, friend, you won't leave this place still holding that." >He's walking toward you. >Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck how are you going to get past him? >?Fire in the Church? tenses in the air next to you. >Oh. >Right. >You point with your free hand. "F-?Fire in the Church?!" >Your Stand flies forward and throws a punch at his abdomen. >"REE!" >He doesn't even block! Because he can't see it, but whatever! >It's a perfect hit! >Jonathan grunts a little. >Your blood runs cold. >"REE REE REE REE!" >Four strikes, one after another. >He looks slightly uncomfortable. >Okay, Anon, just keep it up. >He breathes deep, and his fists glow. >While ?Fire in the Church? batters him, he raises one fist back. >You're still too far back for him to hit you, so- >Wait. >"Zoom Punch!" >Fuck! It's been too long since you rewatched Part 1! >His fist flies through the air, growing as it reaches out for you. >No. >For the mask! >His arm passes through ?Fire in the Church?, and the force knocks you sideways. >Praise the JoJo gods! >You fall with the hit, and tumble along the floor. >It's rough, and digs into your legs when you roll. >You're bleeding a little now. >Jonathan's arm snaps back, and then he rushes toward you. >He looks like he could bench five of you. >Come on, Anon, keep up! >You scramble to your feet and bolt to the side. >Or try. >He comes up on you like you shot his dog. >The strike is faster this time, striking you in the shoulder this time. >It... doesn't hurt. >No, it makes you feel a little more alive. >And then your shoulder starts jerking without you moving it. >Jonathan steps back to observe as the twitches run down your arm. >Golden sparks flow in spasms into your hand. >The hand holding the mask! >You try to drop it, but you can't. "?Fire in the Church?!" >Your Stand wrenches the mask from your fingers. >It holds the artifact away from the light erupting from your fingertips. >You stare. >You forgot Hamon could do that. >Jonathan's staring at the mask. >To him, it's floating in mid-air. >He hesitates, and reaches out for it. >You take the opportunity. >?Fire in the Church? throws the mask into the air and swoops for Jonathan. >"REE REE REE REE REE REE REE REE REE!" >Dozens of punches land, all to the throat. >You dive and grab the mask while he starts to have trouble breathing. >Eventually he leaves your range, and your Stand withdraws. >You're in front of him, with your back to the entrance. >He coughs a little, then a lot. >He doubles over. >Yes! You can get away now! >Except. >He's... >He's gonna be okay, right? >He keeps on coughing. >Oh god. >You're going to be the fucker who killed Jonathan Joestar. >Again. >Fuck, no, n?o?, you h?a?v?e? to f??i?x ??t???h??i??s?. >You H?????A?V?¸???E???? ?????T???O???? ??F??I?????X???? ????T??H??I????¸S???? >You look from your hands to your Stand. >Don't sweat, think! >How would you even reverse- >He punches himself in the chest, and his head snaps up. >He looks like he's suffocating! >But his body glows! >He's restoring his Hamon by forcing different breathing! >Phew. Thank the JoJo gods. >... >Fuck! >You bolt for the exit. >"Silver Metal Overdrive!" >You don't turn to look, but you clutch the mask to your chest in case he's targeting it. >You don't hear or see any bursts of energy. >Did it fail? >That one works on... on... metal! >Yeah, like the sword! >Which means you're safe! >There's no metal in this place, it's a cave! >Even if he succeeded, you're ten feet away from the edge! >Suddenly the ground shakes. >It cracks under your feet, and you step back before it explodes. >All around you, little craters are forming. >You can see the glow through the gaping cracks in the rock. >Hamon... >On veins of ore in the ground, apparently. >The glow stretches, spiderwebs up the walls, and bits of the ceiling collapse. >You can make it! >Shit falls all around you as the cave rustles and readjusts itself. >You jump-- >Your vision goes black for a moment. >First off, you're not outside. >Second, you're still holding the mask. >Your forehead's resting against a stone. >Several more fall around it, casting long shadows. >The chunk is maybe ten feet tall. >You can see your hand under it, but you can't feel it. >You can't tell if the extra dark patch is blood or not. >No. No, it is. >You're pretty much fuc?k?e?d. >You reposition yourself so you're not facing the rock. >Jonathan pulls his hands out of a solid foot of earth and dusts them off. >You could try to mess with his breathing again. >No, the same trick n?eve?r wo?r?k?s twice on a JoJo. >Then you can at least distract him for long enough to, to, c??u????_???t ??_???o?f???f????? ¸??????yo????__u?r????? ??_????ha???_????n????????d?????-- >No. >There's something you haven't tried yet, after all. >Jonathan strides over to you, tense. >There's some sympathy in his eyes. >"As you have probably noticed, I'm a proficient user of Hamon. I take it you have some skill of your own I don't know of. If you hand over the mask so I can destroy it, I'll be happy to ease your wound." >You're still in shock, holding off the pain. >The pain belongs in Twilight's side of reality. >She'll know what to do, make you a kickass robot hand or something. >She might n?e?ve?r see you again. >You could be stranded here to die w?h¸ile? F???????????????????l????????????_????a??????????????????s???????_??h????????????????????? move?s in o?n? her?. >You cling to that feeling. >Jonathan looks at you, concerned. >He opens his mouth to say something, but it's t?o??o ?l???a???t???e?¸. "?FIRE IN THE CHURCH?!" >Your Stand appears, and he takes a half-step back on instinct. >But it doesn't attack him. >"REE REE REE REE REE REE REE REEEEEEE!" >It lands thirty solid hits on you. >There's nothing, and then a wave of dizziness and anger. >You feel like you're d????y??i???n??g????. >Being c¸a????r???r??i??e????d??? ??a?w?????a???y?. >You look at Jonathan. "Ch?e?¸c??k?mat¸?e?.? ?WHO I AM?!" >Jonathan's bubble isn't rock solid like you were expecting. >There's a little bit of leeway there, enough gentleness. >You broadcast your thoughts into his head. >He clutches his head. >For a few moments, you can think clearly. >You need to get out from under this rock, and it's going to hurt. >But you've got a JoJo to share the burden. >You feel bad about doing this to him, and it only increases your effectiveness. >You turn to the side and puke a little. >Okay. >Is there a rock or something, or are you going to have to do with your Stand? >No, the only rock big enough is causing the problem. >?Fire in the Church? raises its hand to chop you at the wrist. >You look away. >Y????o????u?? ??c???a???n???'?t???? ????d?o?? ???i???t?????,???? ?c?????a???n?? ??y????o?????u?????? >You shut your eyes. >H?????o????w????? ???a¸?r???e???? ??¸??y????o???u???? ????g?¸???o?????i???n?????g?? ????t????o??? ????p???r?????o????t??e??c????t??? ???h????e??r??????? >But nothing happens. >You can't do it. >Even though s????h?????e??'?s????? ?¸??d????e?¸p???e???¸n??d?i???n???g??? ??o???n???¸? ???y??o???u???. >"I see, now." >What? >Jonathan's picking himself up! >And, and what's that on his hand? >It's... purple. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmyfsHydQ00 [The Fixx - Phantom Living] >"So you've initiated me into your own art. Or should I consider it a curse? I can feel the Hamon channeling through my veins, now. It feels almost like... an opposite to vampirism." >You're seriously boned. >He raises his hand, pointing it at you like it just might explode. >"?Phantom Living?!" >The purple vines extend out in a bundle and fly apart, reaching for the mask. >?Fire in the Church? crosses its forearms and blocks. >They wrap around it, constricting, and more come through. >You turn and cover the mask with your body, clutching it with your good hand. >You try to reach Jonathan's bubble again, but you can't. >Is this how you die? >Curled up against a rock in the fetal position? >Killed by a man whose Stand you awakened on accident? >Wouldn't that be fitting. >The vines wrap around your legs. >You strain, but ?Fire in the Church? is held tight. >Blood soaks into your shirt. >Blood... >As the vines come closer and closer, you realize there's only one way. >With bloody, trembling fingers, you slide the mask onto your face. >"No!" >The vines flip you over, but it's too late. >It's so, so bright. >It goes on forever. >And then it falls off, and you're holding it again in your good hand but it's not your good hand it's your BETTER hand. >You tug, and your bones do what you tell them to do, and your hand comes free. >You're back in business! >Except for the vines. >Jonathan's staring at you now in revulsion. >You have a hard time looking back at him. >It's like your dad's disappointed in you. >But he doesn't say anything. >Words don't matter any longer. Freedom's what matters. >You'll sort this all out later, with Twi there to help. >Whatever she wanted must have involved vampires, so she'll have some plan! >You gulp. >Recovering, Jonathan inhales deeply. >"Purple Phantom OVERDRIVE!" >Hamon goes racing up ?Phantom Living?. >You've barely got a handle on what's inside this body. >But there's a shitload of estrogen you just built up. >With a slight effort, you shoot it out of the pores in your face. >The spray catches him in the eyes, and he flinches involuntarily. >That moment of weakness is all you need. >?Fire in the Church? breaks free, and this time you feel some weight to its movements. >"REE REE WRYYYYYYYYY!" >It smashes bits of the purple Stand, which retracts at the strikes. >It loosens enough that you can sidestep it. >You singe your foot on the light outside of your little shadow, and remember that the sun exists. >It's still daytime out there. >You're still in trouble. >Jonathan attacks again, and you keep beating back the vines. >?Fire in the Church? draws closer and closer as it throws more and more punches. >Two minutes ago, this would've exhausted you. >But you notice the vines aren't aiming for you. >They zoom over your head and onto the rock you've been hiding in the shade of. >And then, with their combined strength, they shove it backwards. >You move with them when they push, jumping for the dark side of the rock. >He's running after you as you do. >One vine grabs onto your ankle, and you dislocate your joint to weasel out of it. >Another grabs tighter, and tugs it into the sunlight. >It burns and disintegrates, but the vine loses its grip. >Jonathan's standing at the mouth now, charging another Overdrive. >If that hits you, you're probably dead. >Double-dead? >You try to do the Space Ripper Stingy Eyes. >It fails, and you feel a pinching behind your retinas. >The Rock Express is approaching the end of its tour. >?Fire in the Church? appears and grabs hold, throwing it back in the other direction. >"REE!" >The sunlight incinerates its back, and yours. >Man, you thought sunburn was awful before. >Just gotta keep airborne... >"?Phantom Living?!" >Jonathan sends up another volley of vines, glittering with Hamon. >They weave away from you, impacting the stone. >Burying themselves in it. >Dragging it down out of the air. >You tumble and crash on top of the mountain, falling out of the shadow. >Jonathan's right behind you, pulling himself up by the vines. >He's already used to them. >The sunlight crashes into you, and you feel yourself flaking away. >He walks up to you, and his vines grasp the mask, but don't take it. >You're still dimly clutching it. >"Whatever your reasons, you've led a merry chase today. But there is no escaping from here in your condition. The sun can take you, or..." >He steps between it and you, casting a shadow on you. >"I can cleanse you of the affliction you've chosen for yourself, and let you pass with honor. Which would you prefer?" >You feel a tingling around your body, and you recognize it. >That's it, then. >You roll over to look him in the eye. "Sorry for all of this. Really, I'm sorry. You were always one of the best JoJos." >He looks puzzled. >Laying in the same spot where you entered this universe, you get teleported out. >The stone mask vanishes from under his Stand's feelers. >And, with about half your limbs and body weight, you reappear. >A dark, clunky computer lab janitor's closet. >Twilight's back is to you as she goes over something on her desk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfhqaxhqQvI [All-Star Battle OST - Results] ?Winner by special condition: Anonymous!? >"You're back! Excellent timing, I was just finishing a whitepaper. Did you get the mask?" "Purplesmart... we have to talk."