"Anon the Lich 2 part 8"
By Commander_Xillian (https://pastebin.com/u/Commander_Xillian)

URL: https://pastebin.com/gc1vpJiF
Created on: Tuesday 20th of March 2012 10:59:43 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Friday 23 of October 2020 08:11:11 PM UTC


>You are Anonymous the Lich
>You will stop at nothing to save those you consider your friends.
>You've opened up Pinkie Pie's day, and as expected, she begins planning a party.
>Apperantly, your incantation has inspired her to make a new baking song, and she happily bumbles around baking various party snacks.
>You really hope she doesn't accidentally a C'Thulhu.
>Next on your list:
>You need to assist Twilight Sparkle on getting reshelved.
>You had seen to it that numerous books would be released this week, paying off editors to delay release until just now, causing the bookshelves to become a pig-sty.
>You need to correct this, immediately.
>As expected, you enter just as twilight screams,
>”RESHELVING DAY!”
>Books Every Orifice
>You knock
“Ahem. Dearest Twilight, may I enter?”
>She looks up, smiling slightly
>”Oh hey Anon. What’s up?”
>Oh, you know, trying to prevent myself from utterly destroying Equestria
“I was in the town, thought I might stop by. From the looks of it, you are quite busy.”
>She laughs a little and gets to work while talking.
>”Yeah, shelves have been a mess recently.”
>Why am I so damn good?
>”So I decided to reshelf and reorganize everything!”
>Exactly like I had wanted, damn it all, looks like-
“I could lend you a hand, if you wished to make Pinkies party today. This seems like an aweful lot of work for one Mare.”
>Because of you, you’d ensured today would be a perfect reshelving day. Now you need to undo that.
>”Oh, I wouldn’t want to bother you any, Anon.”
>Damn it bitch, take my help or you’re all doomed!
“It’s not a bother, anything to help a friend in need.”
>Alright. This time, rather than summon a fiery-spirited Efreet to try and turbo-bake your cakes, and to keep from being surprised, you’re not going to repeat the same as last time.
>How else can you get this done in time then?
>You have three hours until you need to get on with the rest of your objectives, or else you’ll miss the mark entirely.
>This requires a subservient minion
>An intelligent one.
>One who values knowledge.
>Oh hell, you need a Demon.
“Twilight, if you don’t mind, I shall reshelf the north and east wings. You can handle the Vestibule and west wings, I assume?”
>She nods her confirmation and happily sets to work.
>Good, you got privacy in which to do this.
>Stepping into the other two wings, you call upon the arcane powers at your fingers.
>Runes dance through the air
>The temperature plummets.
>The floor is traced with pentagrams
>Oily smoke climbs from your hands, and with a flash of orange flame, a tall, jackle-headed creature holding a scroll appears.
>Waiter? I didn’t order the Yugoloth.
>Great, just great.
>You summoned a Arcanoloth
>One of the most powerful and conniving of demonic creatures.
>And he’s looking at you like you just fucking took a dump in his living room.
“Insufferable Greater Daemons…”
>He tweaks an eyebrow
>”Lich, for what purpose have you summoned me?”
“I require your experience in dealing with precision study to exactly and carefully reshelf this entire section of this library.”
>He poker-faces harder than any mortal creature you’ve ever seen.
>”Millenia of skill… Millions of priceless scrolls… Access to spells of epic power… And you want me to reshelf a library you lazy sack of bones.”
>Well, when you put it like that…
“You can handle both this and the North wing then. Be quick about it, I don’t have all day, neither do you.”
>Never fucking trust a Daemon. This is hardly going to end well, especially with such a powerful creature you accidentally summoned.
>Grinding your teeth, you set to work organizing what you can, while the Yugoloth rapidly and precisely stocks books from all over the library in their correct sections.
>Twilight passes the floating books off as you doing it, content that you’re dumping the books in the wrong section in the vestibule for her to sort.
>”Huh.. I don’t remember us having a book named ‘Exploding Runes’ before.”
>SHIT NIGGUH HIT THE DECK.
>There’s a stale “Pomf” in the distance as Twilight sets off the trap, getting a fireball to the face.
>The Arcanoloth is trying hard not to laugh.
>You’d join in too, if it weren’t for the fact that you’re actually trying to get shit done right now.
“You wretched empyreal puss.”
>Green flames lick along your fingers, the embers in your eyes exploding to raging inferno’s.
>His humor is lost immediately, realizing that-
“As my associate Applejack is fond of saying, You done goofed.”
>A flare of electricity soars over the Arcanoloth’s head, nearly hitting it, and breaking the contract between you and it.
>Immediately, it’s smile is back, wider than ever, and you realize it as well.
>Not to-fuckin-day, mother fucker.
>You counter-spell as he attempts to teleport away, and in a surge of green flame you conjure your staff and thwack the asshole over the head.
>Sputtering he grabs a nearby book and bashes you in the head with it.
>Oh it’s on now.
>You spend the next four minuets beating the ever-loving shit outta this punk, all the while your bones are flying across the room as he tries to bludgeon your body apart.
>Getting tired, and regaining some degree of rationality, your vengeance exacted, you stab the nasty, wicked looking top of your staff into its face.
“Be gone from this realm, Daemon.”
>With a sound of burning wood, the Yugoloth, that much worse for wear, falls back into the pits of Hell.
>Thank Nerull that’s over with
“Hey, Anon?”
>Twilight chooses that moment to come in, and you banish your staff just in time.
“Yes, dear Twilight? What may I assist with?”
>Her hair is a fuckin’ mess, blasted backwards. Black marks marr her face, and she looks at you blankly
>“As much fun as that prank was, I’m gonna have to say I didn’t see that coming from you.”
>Shit, you’d nearly forgotten about that in the heat of the moment.
>You’re not even close to a prankster, how do you pass this…
>Got it.
“I usually am not, my dear, however I owed Rainbow Dash a favor for helping me take care of a rogue Efreet that was in the clouds.”
>Twilight looks shocked, then smiles.
>”Oh, really? Thanks for helping then! I didn’t even know one was in the region. Usually Celestia lets me know when there’s been one sighted.”
>Smooth Operator, standing by.
“Think nothing of it. Now, on the matter of the books, I believe I’ve reshelved this entire wing according to your specifications.”
>Cue Pinkie in three, two…
“Perhapse you would like to accompany me-“
>Knock at the door.
>Right on schedule.
“Ah, I see you are expecting company. Do not let me keep you. I shall see you at Pinkies party, correct?”
>Twilight nods, as she walks to the door.
>”Wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
>Only one thing left to do.
>Where’d you leave that Polymorph spellbook…