"Are waste disposal units for human ejaculate your fetish?"
By Cerenth (https://pastebin.com/u/Cerenth)

URL: https://pastebin.com/Ep0103Vt
Created on: Sunday 3rd of February 2013 08:57:11 PM CDT
Retrieved on: Friday 23 of October 2020 08:04:14 PM UTC


>Day raspy breathing in Equestria.
>Another day dawns in the land of brightly coloured miniature horses.
>And with the rising sun you wake up.
>But just as you leave the realm of dreams your ears start to hear a most peculiar noise.
>It sounds like heavy breathing.
>Right in your left ear.
>You take note of the strange phenomenon, but are distracted by another sensation.
>Your nose picks up the distinct smell of half-digested pocky sticks, sugarcubes and >grape.
>You know this particular smell very well.
>Because it is the combined smell of the breath and shampoo of one certain alicorn princess who loves to make your life a living hell.
“Good morning, Twilight.”
>You roll over to be greeted by Twilight’s creepy grin on her horse face.
>She’s straddled over you, her forehooves either side of your head.
>”Morning Anon-kun!”
>She’s been on a Japanese kick since her fetish attempt last week.
>She’s become a bit of an otaku.
>It’s still not your fetish.
“How long have you been here?”
>”Oh, well... I decided to open your window about 3am, so pretty much since then.”
>Another one of Twilight’s OP Mary Sue powers is that she doesn’t need to sleep.
>So she often gets bored watching you from afar and simply breaks into your house.
>There’s no way you can stop her.
>No lock can withstand her alicorn magic.
“Twilight, it’s way too early for this...”
>”Oh, of course!”
>She jumps off your bed and gallops into your bathroom.
>”Quick! It’s almost 7:40! You need to do your routine on time!”
>You groan.
>Yes, you are usually punctual.
>But you are so tired of this shit.
>You roll over and pull up the covers.
>”Anooooooooon! The sooner you get up, the sooner I can guess your fetish! Come on, or you'll be tardy!”
>You pull the covers tighter.
>Twilight has had enough of your reluctance and solves it like she solves all of her problems.
>With crazy experimental magic.
>You clutch your duvet with all your might.
>But then it turns into frogs.
“GAH!”
>Their slimy touch covers all of your body.
>You immediately spasm and flail to try and shake them off.
>You find the solution to your new predicament very quickly by standing up off the bed.
>Twilight smiles smugly from your bathroom.
>It’s alright for her, being royalty now.
>She doesn’t have to buy a new duvet.
>You trudge into the bathroom to start your routine.
>You’re about to pull down your boxer shorts for your morning shit, but you hesitate.
>”Well...? Go on!”
“Twilight, a little privacy?”
>Yeah, it’s stupid to ask an omnipotent god queen for privacy, but it’s the principal that matters.
>Surprisingly she acquiesces to your demand and trots merrily out of your bathroom.
>You drop your underwear and hear a giggle from outside.
>”Heehee!”
>You look to the wall next to your toilet.
>You can’t see it, but you just know Twilight is probably using some kind of wallhack/x-ray vision magic.
>Fucking haxxy alicorns.
>You continue your routine, trying as much as possible to not show your tackle to the side of the room where your stalker awaits.
>Shower.
>Shave.
>Do something else beginning with S.
>...Summersault.
>That’ll do.
>You leave the bathroom as fresh as a daisy and bump into the purple goddess waiting in your bedroom.
>”Oh, Sorry Anon...”
>She says those words in a tone which she thinks is sultry.
>However, this is still the nerdy little bookworm that lived in a library before she was crowned.
>So it comes out as more of a squawk.
>Gilbert Goddfried is more seductive.
>”I PREFER TO BE CALLED EEEE-ROTIC!”
>You shudder at the thought of his voice.
>You’re so distracted that you don’t notice a purple hoof stepping on the towel that covers the lower half of your body.
>You walk forward and the towel unwraps from around your waist.
>It stays behind with Twilight.
>You notice when you remark that it’s suddenly very breezy today indoors.
>*Click*
>You turn around to see Twilight with a cameraphone taking a picture of your ass.
“GODDAMMIT, TWILIGHT!”
>You scramble for a new set of boxers and get them on while Twilight giggles and drools over the picture she just took.
>She’s probably sending it to Celestia and Luna right now!
“Give me that!”
>You snatch the phone out of her hoof.
>How did she even use this thing, anyway?
>Oh, right. Alicorn magic.
>You raise your hand to throw the phone on the ground when suddenly you can’t feel it in your hand anymore.
>Twilight has teleported the phone back into her possession.
>Fucking haxxy alicorns.
>You do your best to ignore her.
>It’s all you can do against her overpoweredness.
>You get dressed.
>And then the fun begins.
>”Come on, Anon! You’re ready to go now!”
“Twilight, I haven’t had breakfast...”
>”No time for that! I’m sure you’ll love this one!”
>You don’t have time to protest before Twilight’s horn lights up and teleports you outside your front door.
>There in front of your house lies a yellow dumpster with a pink lid.
>”Well? What do you think?”
>You walk all around the object.
>It’s spotless. Like it’s brand new.
>It’s probably never even been used.
>You stand in front of it again and shake your head.
“I... I don’t understand the fetish attempt this time, Twilight.”
>Suddenly the dumpster opens its lid on its own.
>You can see inside that it’s full of a milky white fluid.
>The aroma of gallons of baby chowder overwhelms your nostrils.
>The dumpster speaks in Fluttershy’s voice.
>”S-so, cumdumpsters aren’t your fetish, Anon?”
>You promptly gag and faint at the silliness of it all.
>You’ve been in this fandom far too long for this shit.

END