"The Heroic Tales of Anon, Protector of the Realm"
By 8th-Sin (https://pastebin.com/u/8th-Sin)

URL: https://pastebin.com/Md98yAQw
Created on: Friday 17th of October 2014 11:00:03 AM CDT
Retrieved on: Sunday 9 of May 2021 08:39:12 PM UTC


>You are Anonymous.
>Once, you were hailed as a valiant and skilled hero back in your world. Slayer of demons, protector of the realm and all round stud.
>But you've been forced to abandon such titles long ago when a shape-shifting sorcerer tricked you, sending you into this land of Equestria.
>At first, when you arrived in this strange world, you felt lost and without purpose. These creatures rarely fight after all and if they do, it is with words.
>A man of steel such as yourself is not needed here.
>Also the mead is shit.
>So after you started a brewery, you once again found your purpose.
>A cause you can rally behind.
>Up, in the highest balcony of this tree house, awaits a princess. Forced to remain locked away by a devilsome dragon who's breathe is so intense it burns in the colour of a vibrant emerald.
>But fire isn't not enough to scare you.
>You are Anonymous after all. Protector of the realm once more.
>And today is the day.
>You will slay the beast and rescue the princess.
>"I can't talk ya outta this, can I?" Asks Applejack as you finish some last minute stretches.
"Nay. But do not fear for me Jack of Apple. I will taste victory this day."
>"Twilight isn't locked in there, she just studies a lot--"
>She ceases her nagging once you charge into battle, shield raised and sword at the ready.
>Steel collides with wood as the door is thrown of it's hinges and to the floor.
"Come foul beast, let us do battle!"
>You shout as you stand there, waiting for some kind of surprise attack.
>Then you see him enter from the other, one eyebrow raised as he look at you in confusion.
>He best not be underestimating you for that will be the last mistake he ever makes.
>"Anon, what are you doing?"
"I have come for the princess."
>"Twilight? She's just upstairs. I'll go get her for you."
"You would use the princess as a shield? A cruel tactic for a creature of evil."
>He goes to run upstairs but you hold your sword out, blocking his path.
>Now he is nervous.
>You look into his eyes, take in the fear.
>He can see his time has come in the reflection of your blade.
>The monster looks up at you and gives you a uneasy smile before fleeing from you. You don't waste a second and give chase.
>For such a little creature, he sure can move fast.
>You give a swift swing of your sword but he leaps over it in time.
>The second swing ends up cutting a chair he ran under.
>He doesn't slow down but all this plate mail you're wearing is wearing you out.
>Should have gone with chain mail and just a few plates of armour but it's too late to change now. You've already entered battle.
"Pray tell, how does one so small move their fat little legs so swiftly," you as you swing again.
>"Squats bro," Spike mockily retorts.
"Stay still dammit," you thunderously shout as you thrust your sword forwards.
>Spike looks over his shoulder in time to see your sword lunging at him and instinctively dive rolls to the side.
>Your sword however, continues along its path until it hits one of the book cases, impaling a book.
>"You stabbed Daring Do and the Last Crusade," Spike shieks, "I'm telling Twilight."
"W-What? You would tattle on me?"
>"TWIIIILLIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHTTTTT!"
>Before you can barter with him, Twilight is already standing on the stairs, looking down at you.
>"What happened in here?"
"N-Nothing--"
>"Anon chased me with a sword and broke everything before stabbing one of your Daring Do books."
"Tis but a lie," you plead defensively.
>Twilight glares intensely at you as you realise your sword is still firmly planted in her book case and you're still holding the hilt.
"He started it."
>You point at the smug dragon who pokes his forked, devil tongue out at you.
>"Go home Anon. I'll send you the bill for all this."
"B-But princess, I came here to slay this beast and free you from his lair."
>She doesn't respond, only continues to give you that same stare that reads you need to leave.
>In a fit of anger you throw down your helmet and shield before stomping away.
>You stop in the doorway and turn to Spike.
"Do not think this be over demonspawn. I will free the princess from your poisoned clutches and then we shall be wed--"
>"LEAVE NOW," Twilight screams with rose tinted cheeks.
"As you wish, mi'lady," you reply with a bow before leaving the battlefield for a cup of mead.
