“Sweetie Belle, speak to me!” The melodious sound of Rarity’s voice comes to me, rousing me from my nap. Even though I just woke up, I still feel absolutely exhausted. What was that just now? Had I left the Youtube on or something? That website seriously had a mind of its own sometimes, playing videos all by itself. Did I actually manage to fall asleep in front of the computer this time? Wow, I am a loser. But then... why am I on my back, and where’s my desk? I crack my eyes open, mumbling “Where...?” At the sound of my voice, my eyes shoot open, and at the sight of who is hovering over me, looking down at me in a terrified tizzy, my eyes shoot open even wider. Gobsmacked, I exclaim, “Rarity!” and then clap my hands over my mouth. Except I don’t have hands, my mouth is further in front of me than it should be, and... I would recognize the sound of that “Rarity!” anywhere. “Ohh this can’t be happening!” comes another very, very familiar voice off to my left. It’s a troubled, tense voice, whose signature nasal duckiness is unmistakable. It’s a very familiar voice, though personally I’ve never had good enough speakers to hear her speaking in surround sound. “She blew out the main conduits!” Tara Strong, the voice actress of Harley Quinn, among other characters exclaims, in an aghast tone. Except there’s no voice actors, here in the strange chamber I’ve awoken in. I only have time enough to lift my head to look at myself, seeing no human body before me, but instead a simple, smooth, round belly, covered in candy white fur, and beyond that belly, or barrel rather, a volumnuous, curly, lavender and pink tail. Then my whole body shifts, and that belly curls towards me, as big white and fuzzy things wrap around behind me, and lift me bodily up into the air. “Sweetie Belle, you’re okay!” Rarity exclaims tearfully, while I recognize the things wrapped around me as the snowy white, articulate cylinders that are her hooves. I dangle there numbly, as she crushes me to her soft, warm chest, held there in her white front hooves. Just like I have white front hooves. Just like I have a soft, warm chest, covered in white fur. Because, against every scientific truth I have ever known, I have somehow changed overnight into Gilbert Gottfried! No wait. But seriously, my vision is filled with the face of a horse woman, who I knew more than fondly from afar, and who I now know from entirely too close. I can barely make out individual features at this distance, and by all that’s holy her eyes are huge. I notice myself getting light headed and realize I’ve forgotten to breathe, and then I realize that I can’t breathe in her tense embrace. “Rarity—” I manage to gasp out, my vision fading before me, and I’m still recognizing that voice coming out of my mouth. She clearly recognizes that voice too, because she loosens her grip immediately and gives me room to breathe, hanging me out in front of her at arm’s length, while I gasp for breath. Unfortunately, my vision continues to fade, because apparently whatever was lighting up this room is steadily dying to darkness. My fears of going blind are allayed however, when a bright magenta spark flares in the darkness, cooling and spreading down a conical structure that could only be a unicorn horn. A very familiar unicorn’s horn. From that horn, issues a soundless globe of magenta, that hovers in the air, providing from a steady, if monochrome light. Rarity is sitting fully on her haunches in order to lift me up, and it would have looked adorable, if she wasn’t such a giant pony to me. Actually, no. That may have made it even a little bit more adorable. You’d understand if you ever met a giant pony. “I’m so sorry Sweetie Belle,” Rarity says to me (holy shit, not dealing with this!) and then, “How do you feel? Are you hurt? What was that just now?” “It was incredible is what it was!” says none other than Twilight Sparkle, princess of—oh no she’s still a unicorn—Element of Magic, prodigy protege of Princess Celestia, savior of the day and champion of harmony, and general smart horse extraordinaire. She is a slim looking purple unicorn, though pretty much everything here looks magenta-purple in her magical light. Her hair is a darker purple, more of an indigo, with the exception of two stripes, that follow the line of her simple flat mane, and her flat, bladelike tail. Like every pony, Twilight Sparkle stands on four hooves, with no manipulative appendages to see. Her magical horn gives her unseen manipulative powers however, and she clearly uses them as she checks the carvings in a pedestal I was lying against, before Rarity swept me up into her hooves. The stars that decorate Twilight’s thighs reveal her talent at magic itself, and the irreplacable connection to her five dearest friends. She has more oval eyes than Rarity, whose eyeliner makes hers look just somehow more dramatic some how. More dramatic than Twilight’s, or anyone’s eyes really. Rarity is a snow white, as said, unicorn, with rich blurple hair that she keeps expertly coiffed in curlique curls, from her even, slim mane, to her coiled squiggle tail. Her rump sports diamonds, for her talent in bedazzling the fuck out of everything. No, no for her talent in style and fashion. And magical gem finding. Though not as powerful as the famed Twilight, Rarity has been an essential voice of reason for her in the show, as well as an essential emotional foil when someone needs to freak out over the slightest little thing. I don’t blame her for freaking out now though, because I’m freaking out, because these ponies shouldn’t be real! Twilight Sparkle, is actually walking up to me right now for real, in this weird hexagonal room we are in: she says that! The only light in here is coming from the fading glow she had been examining, left forgotten behind her still casting weird shadows around. I can still see enough to see her hooves falling one after the other, in an even, steady pace right towards me. Towards us. Twilight has an curious, yet worried expression, saying “I’ve never seen a surge like that before! Did the device affect it? Were you trying to shape it into a spell somehow? Do you know what the subspace distortions corresponded to? More importantly, is your magic unblocked now?” My informed and educated response is to hang there limply in Rarity’s hooves, staring at the brightly colored purple unicorn with a dumb expression, just like the retarded horse I am infrequently portrayed as. “Something’s wrong, Twilight!” Rarity exclaims in a panicked tone, making me turn back to face Rari—woah still too close for comfort. “It was quite a surge,” Twilight Sparkle says in the dimness. “Speaking from personal experience she could be out of it for quite a while. Complications are rare at this young an age though, just as much as blocks are common. She should be fine after her magic replenishes, but she’ll have to be careful not to strain herself until she learns what her real limits are without the blockage.” Rarity has the grace to set me down on the floor, beside some kind of dias that appears to be made of rough ceramic of some sort, with carvings all along its surface. As she does, I mechanically assume some sort of doglike sitting position when lowered to the ground, because I just don’t know if I should even move, or how to move. Am I really... am I really Sweetie Belle? I can feel hooves and limbs, and bouncy curls just at the edge of my vision. I can feel my tail hit the ground before my body does. It feels like metal beneath me, and it’s really cold where it presses up between my legs. Oh gosh if I’m Sweetie Belle, then that means... am I feeling her genitals?! I shift to try to raise my groin off the mesh, but that just makes it harder to ignore, so instead I just look up at Rarity silently, like a deer caught in headlights. Having put me down and separated herself from me, I can actually see Rarity now, without getting a face full of blue eyes. She stands over me in full glorious life, asking me with her expressive face full of worry, “Sweetie Belle, can you hear me? Have you lost your ability to speak?!” “No I can speak!” I utter hurriedly, but I’m finding it painful to do even that. My throat is really dry I notice, and everything aches. What have I... has she been doing? I just sit there confused, in a puddle of exhausted, uncoordinated hooves and tail. And pussy, apparantly. What’s uncomfortably sensitive to that cold metal grating definitely doesn’t feel like I’m show accurate, that’s for sure. It definitely doesn’t feel like a penis, or testicles. “Sweetie, you sound awful!” Rarity says with more urgency. “Do you need any water? When was the last time you had anything to drink?” “I don’t... remember?” I say helplessly in a tight rasp. How am I supposed to remember? I wasn’t even thirsty when I... whatever I was doing before waking up like this. “Twilight, we need to get these fillies some water,” Rarity says urgently, then a water canteen levitates from around behind Rarity in Twilight’s magic and then her own. I get real big eyes at that. I mean, yes I’m sitting here in almost total darkness talking to cartoon ponies and I am a cartoon pony, but all that at least makes lip service to the holy writ of Isaac Newton. This? I’m... I’m actually watching a levitating container. Tilting my head doesn’t make it look flat, or fake, or anything, but there’s nothing holding it up besides Rarity’s glimmering magic and a... feeling. I only have a moment to look, before she presses it to my lips saying, “Drink up Sweetie, you don’t want to hurt your voice.” Boy is she nail on the head there. If I’m Sweetie Belle, then my voice is the most valuable thing I own. How could I be Sweetie Belle?! She doesn’t even exist! I splutter as the water trickles into my mouth, pushing it away saying, in Sweetie Belle’s voice, “S-sorry. One more time.” She trickles water into my mouth again very slowly, and it’s the best water I’ve ever tasted. Even if it is a bit brackish and warm, it soothes my throat. I drink more until I’m eagerly reaching my hands up... oh right I don’t have hands. I drink more until I am uncoordinatedly trying to tilt the canteen up with my hooves and get more water. “Now Sweetie, drink slowly,” Rarity chides me. “You three have really done it this time.” Wait, us three? Indeed, a third very familiar voice comes from beyond the room’s only exit. “Please Miss Twilight,” a flutey high voice says in a really fake southern accent, “Can we come in? It’s dark out here!” Oh fuck. I look around for where Apple Bloom might be. Her voice sounds as dry as mine does, and there’s the slosh of water somewhere nearby, probably from another canteen. “No,” Twilight says quickly from the same direction. “I can’t guarantee the device has deactivated.” I can’t see Twilight, but I can tell Twilight Sparkle’s voice is coming from a cracked, jagged hole in one wall of this room, a hole that is decidedly not part of the original construction. Beyond that hole is only yawning, looming darkness. Presumably where the fillies remain. Twilight’s voice continues, “And in any case we are not going to ruin archaeological finds today any more than we already have. We’re all coming out, and then we’re going to get you all to the surface, where it’s safe.” I suddenly get the feeling that I’m not going to be seeing any more of this place for a long, long time. Of course they’d be here too. Of course we’d be getting in trouble. They’d be getting in trouble. Definitely not going to be allowed to poke around in here again. Archaeological find though, did that mean this is some kind of distant future? I wrack my brain trying to recall what was happening before I woke up like this. Was I witness to any insane posthuman monstrosities belting out Pinkie Pie songs while mass converting the population into ponies? Or maybe rainbow colored nuclear explosions going on outside my grubby little apartment window, or weird plunges into cryogenic chambers? But nothing came to mind. I was using my computer like every night I guess, and then... I woke up here. “Are... you okay now?” Rarity asks me uncertainly, the canteen levitated away, having provided as much blessed relief as she’s willing to risk for me. Her left hoof lifts off the ground when she says so, telegraphing her emotions just as beautifully and vividly as I remember from the cartoon. My response telegraph is a simple wide eyed head shake. “What’s wrong then?” she asks earnestly, craning her neck down to my level. My mind is racing trying to figure out what to say to her. I’m a perverted, alien monkey who’s taken over your sister’s body? I’m a jaded demon summoned into your sister’s body by her foolish attempts at playing god? I’m just some guy who is experiencing the greatest moment in his entire life right now because he’s such a loser that nothing better has ever happened to him other than being transported into some baby unicorn’s body, so please don’t banish him back to that horrible place called home? I really am Sweetie Belle, and I have been all this time, because I can totally remember all these things about my life, that I have no way of remembering since I’m actually lying through my teeth? Wait, remembering. That’s it! “Rarity, I have amnesia!” I exclaim urgently. Okay that was pitiful even for me. Blinking, I wrack my brain (or her brain as it were, but for all intents and purposes it appears to be my brain), for a better excuse, or something that sounds less moronic than what I just said. Rarity’s eyebrow is already raising though, just a single portentious eyebrow. Yet... it’s true, I do have amnesia! Or at least Sweetie Belle does. Does have other...nesia. I’ve just got to stick with the truth even if it sounds crazy. If the truth I choose to stick with happens to be conveniently in my favor, then so be it! “What is this place?!” I ask, not having to fake the sound of my distress. I certainly don’t let on that I was more scared of the two adult ponies than of my dark and mysterious surroundings. “How did I get–” I get cut off by a dry cough, “–here?” “Sweetie,” Rarity says in a chuckling dismissive tone, tossing her mane conspicuously and tilting the canteen towards me for another drink, “If you had amnesia how are you addressing me by name? What’s really wrong? You won’t get in trouble I’m just worried about you.” Won’t get in trouble yeah, fat chance of that. “I’m not lying to you Rarity!” I say emphatically more confident now that I have some water in me. “I really truly don’t remember... um...” okay, how am I going to say this? “...things.” Smooth. Twilight Sparkle has entered the chamber again. She leans closer to the miserably pitiful pile of pony that I have become saying, “Wait Rarity, I think she might not be lying. Retrograde amnesia often leaves some memories or disjoint memories intact.” Oh Twilight you are best pony. “Well, what don’t you remember then?” worst pony says agitatedly, “Out with it already!” “I– I don’t... I mean I forget so, I’m not lying I just,” I stammer in Sweetie Belle’s voice, sounding utterly adorable while doing so, even if what’s actually happening is me failing to cover my ass, my shaky alibi falling apart around my, no doubt ambulatory, ears. It’s a simple question, why can’t I just cook up a sensible sounding answer? “Rarity,” Twilight says in a disgruntled tone, “How is she supposed to remember what she doesn’t remember?” Oh that’s why I can’t answer! Thanks again, best pony! I should mention I’m not always the brightest bulb in the shed. I wish the lighting was better, because I would have loved to see the blush that springs up on Rarity’s face just now. Hell in a handcart, I can’t even believe I’m even sitting here talking to Rarity and Twilight Sparkle right now. And I’m Sweetie Belle! This is too good to be real! I admittedly haven’t had such a good life. When I learned about how fucked up life is, I lost hope of ever being saved so long ago, since there was no one to save me, and no way for me to save myself. So I just lived a half existence from day, to day. But suddenly, here I am in front of honest-to-gosh goddamn magical world saving heroes, in a situation so strange it throws any assumptions I had about how fucked up life is right out the window. I couldn’t possibly be happier to be in Sweetie Belle’s body, and I was! The only question is... where’s Sweetie Belle? Oh don’t look at me like that. I know I’m a hypocrite. “I... of course, Twilight,” Rarity says in a flustered tone. “I’m sorry Sweetie I am just rather agitated with you at the moment considering what you and your friends have done.” “What did we do?” I ask, though I sort of can guess at the answer. I mean someone like me doesn’t just take over a pony’s body out of nowhere, right? “That’s not important right now,” Rarity says in a gentler tone, “What I must know is, what do you remember?” Twilight didn’t compliment Rarity out loud, but I could swear she gave an approving nicker at that moment. Alright so, what do I remember? What was the last episode I saw with Rarity and Sweetie Belle together? No, that would be too far in the future, because Twilight doesn’t have her wings yet. But that episode did involve a very early flashback. Was that flashback even canon though? Didn’t it conflict with... wait, could I even assume anything here was like the show at all? What if the show had gotten it wrong, and some other thing like a fanfic had gotten it right? I don’t want them to think I’m making stuff up, but I want to find out how much of what I know is true. I’ve got to say something. Come on, think! “I remember once a long time ago, I was getting into your makeup,” I say very nervously, finding my head turning away from them, even as my one eye facing focuses on them intently. “Because it was my... birthday,” wish the episode had said which birthday it was, but it was clearly very, very young, “...and I thought it would make me like a pri– like, pretty because I was a bab–being a little foal. And I thought you spoiled my party, so I was upset at first. I forgave you later when I was more ...grown up, because I was the one who spoiled it myself, for taking too long with the makeup, and you were just trying to help. It was a long time ago though, so I don’t really remember if it was true or not...?” “3 years,” Rarity said distantly, “It would be a very long time ago, at your age.” I nod relievedly. That was the riskiest one, so whatever world I am it must follow closely with the show. I don’t dare even think about trying the comics of course, but at least the show must be safe territory. “Rarity, you’re my sister... right?” I venture noncomittally. “What?” Rarity says in confusion, making my heart beat faster, “But how could you remember that you were my dearest sister, yet not remember it?” “The Sisterhooves Social,” I blurt out in desperation. The two of them aren’t looking confused or skeptical at the mention of that, so it looks like I didn’t mess that up. “I remember you in the Sisterhooves Social,” I say more calmly, “You did something really... nice but weird, to show what a good sister you... what good sisters we are. I think you got all muddy, so I thought you were Applejack by mistake?” “I r-remember what a good ...sister you were then,” I say haltingly, “So, that... means we’re sisters, right?” This one has to be true. I know beyond a doubt that she’s my... Rarity is Sweetie Belle’s sister now, and not Sweetie Belle’s mother, or at least not publically admitted to be so. But what can I do with that information? The others are just... silently staring, so I desperately hope my story has some element of truth. Rarity bursts into tears. Okay... I... fucked up. I really fucked up. What did I say? I expected suspicion, not... this! What starts as a keening whine, erupts into the famous sobs we’re all familiar with, as Rarity collapses right there on the floor, burying her face in her hooves. And the worst part is, she’s not stopping! And the worst part is it’s fucking terrifying! She’s not supposed to cry like that; she’s just supposed to fake cry. There’s something really wrong with her! Do you know how it feels a little unsettling, when someone is acting awkwardly in front of you? Well, ramp that up to 11. This isn’t just a creepy leery feeling. Right now, I feel like I am looking at the Thing Which Should Not Be. Only minutes into the pony world, and I’ve already made my sister cry. “Rarity, I’m sorry–” I beg, but that only prompts her into blubbering at me, “I am the worst sister ever, and you— and you can’t even remember what a terrible sister I was! It’s all my fault if only I had listened to you and cared but I di-hi-hidn’t!” “You’re under a lot of stress, Rarity,” Twilight to the rescue lays a hoof on the shoulder of the sobbing pony. “It was just a bad time for the both of you, and things just got out of control. Please Rarity, you have to hold it together. For Sweetie Belle. Look how terrified she is!” I try to clarify that I’m just fine, but I can barely get out a whimper. There’s just something so wrong about... it feels so... I need her help, and she’s just falling apart! I need her... support I guess? Basically Twilight is spot on, and I have no idea why, but Rarity breaking down in front of me because of something I said because I did it to her I just can’t stop thinking about that and staring at her, fearfully. Rarity glances at me, and her cries die down. She sniffles, and then hiccups. Have you ever been both terrified and caught by how adorable someone is? It’s a very contradictory feeling. “Y-you’re right, Twilight...” she says mutedly, looking down. She stays like that silently, only the tense breaths of the three of us, technically five but they’re out of the room, sounding in this chamber. I start to realize just how quiet it is in here. A bone numbing silence that doesn’t have any machinery or people or traffic or even any dripping. No, no there is a dripping noise far in the distance, but it seems so loud now that I notice it because there is just nothing else. Then Rarity says, “I suppose I did end up getting a lot more dirty than if I had attended the social.” And she laughs at that, a hollow laugh, but slowly filling up with spirit as she recovers from... whatever that was. At least I don’t feel so weird anymore. I’m just lying here feeling normal, fully on my belly to ignore the part where it curves up smoothly between my legs. Rarity is sitting there smiling sadly, and Twilight is standing there beside her on four hooves. “Wait...” I say in that strange voice that I have to speak with. “You didn’t attend the social?” “I would have!” Rarity blurts in protest, looking at me beseechingly. “I should never have thought twice about it. We’re sisters, right?” She’s asking me? “And then when I looked for you,” she continues undauntedly, “The three of you had disappeared! I was so worried I... I thought you were just hiding, but then you didn’t come for dinner or... and if somepony hadn’t seen you jumping off the cart I might never have–” Twilight stops that train of thought with a strong “It’s okay, Rarity. She’s safe now. Nopony was hurt.” “I suppose you’re right, Twilight,” Rarity admits dispassionately, lifting a hoof and looking at it with less than an appreciative eye. “Nevertheless, I will not allow my pride to ruin the life of my best sister, ever again! I-it’s too late though. She already...” Rarity descends into quiet crying again. “What did that thing do to her?” she manages to ask softly. “Nothing!” Twilight exclaims with a frustrated edge, “There was nothing here to do anything to her. The machine was inactive. As near as I can tell there’s no interface to it here outside of some monitoring instruments and a control array. She just... she just had an alicorn cascade at the worst possible time, which activated the device and...” She stomps frustratedly, “The only thing that should have been damaged here is the device, not Sweetie Belle!” Rarity looks at her a lot more disbelievingly than I do. “She blew out the conduits, Rarity!” Twilight exclaimed, “There was no greater source of power than those oleric conduits, at least I think that’s what they were, and they got blown out. The device is a highly sensitive machine it’s not... it’s not some kind of power house.” Twilight trails off, grumbling thoughtfully to herself about oleric conduits or whatever the magibabble that is, so I take a chance and crane my head around to see where we are. The room we’re in looks really ...something. The floor is some kind of thinly perforated metal mesh, or at least it bongs like metal when tapping it. There are six walls that look sort of like hard plastic from the color they reflect diffusely from Twilight’s horn. There’s some writing on them but I can only make out a few words in the lighting. “Cell 966-B” stands out. I assume it means cell like honeycomb because of the hexagonal shape, implying there are other cells adjacent to this one, but the walls are featureless save for the one that has been broken through. What I can see of the edges of the hole doesn’t seem very thick material. I notice there’s an old style looking kerosene lantern off to the side, but it’s fallen over and any light it contained is extinguished. That might have been what was lighting the room earlier before Twilight’s magic emergency flare took over. Rarity’s wails seem to be dying down to whimpers. Twilight is looking down on me in the dim monochrome light that makes her and Rarity seem like they’re the same color. And me. “Rarity,” Twilight addresses her expectantly, as Rarity turns to her silently. “Come on. Sweetie,” Twilight then says to me, “We have to get you to safety.” “S-sorry...” I say nervously looking at the impossible unicorn, and the source of the dim light that was the only sign that anything in here existed at all. “It’s fine. Come on,” Twilight says, hooking the light ball with her horn and walking to the entrance. Rarity is standing there, dark lines trailing down from her eyes from where her makeup ran earlier. Rarity has a worried, almost betrayed expression on her face, as if something precious had been stolen from her oh right it’s me. I feel like such a heel right now. “Sweetie?” Twilight repeats. “Oh! Um...” I attempt to rise, and manage to at least get my upper body under my ...fingertips. The metal mesh is slippery though, and I slide back down to an uncomfortable sitting position again. I don’t feel very confident about this. I’m completely naked, and a girl apparantly, which this cold metal floor is making very hard to ignore, and they’re staring at me. “I’m feeling kind of dizzy,” I lie, “I don’t know if I can walk right now.” Rarity is at my side in an instant, crying out, “Oh Sweetie, you should have said something! You poor darling, you’ve been ruined by this horrible thing, ruined I say!” Then in a suddenly calm voice she says, “Now hold still dear.” I try not to wiggle as she blessedly closes her huge eyes, and her big face shoves up painlessly under my chest and heaves me upward. She actually sort of... rotates me around the horn on her head, and all I have to do is reach out, then I settle onto her shoulders. She stands up straight then, and I slide back behind her shoulder blades. My arms and legs... well I suppose they’re all just legs now, settle down on either side of her barrel. I want to tell her how awesome this is, how safe and secure her warm body moving beneath me feels. I want to squeal in delight for the fact that I’m really touching, no, riding a pony right now, a magical unicorn pony who I know cannot possibly exist. As Sweetie Belle, I could probably pull off a squee that wouldn’t sound like a dying moose. But then I notice another part of me smooshing against her, and feel a good deal less enthusiastic. I manage to remain calm somehow, even as the sounds of clopping fill my ears. Hooves... they’re walking on hooves! Eee! The clatter of the metal mesh fades to the clack of rock as we proceed out of the chamber. My friends—Sweetie’s friends don’t say anything at first, but I can see their small forms become illuminated in Twilight’s light as they join us, and Rarity pauses to hand off... mouth off the dead lantern to one of them. The rhythm of a filly’s gait is much faster than that of these adult... presumably adult ponies. The fillies run alongside keeping pace though, and the adults stay slow and sedate to let them catch up. The tunnel is actually not long before we emerge into a surprisingly well lit cavern. There are artificial lights all around, and the entrance of the... excavation presumably, we emerge from, is covered by a cloth. What it looks like, and probably is, is a gigantic pile of rubble, climbing higher until it becomes the cavern wall itself, huge boulders the size of buildings stacked on top of each other. The walls of the cavern are riddled with holes like the one we emerged from, though most of it appears to be a natural cave and not the results of a colossal cave-in. The dripping noise I heard earlier is coming from far overhead, certainly nothing unusual to hear underground. Everybody...everypony climbs into an elevator cage that looks like solid gold. Strangely colored gems embedded in it light up as the cage lurches and begins to rise smoothly, following a vertical track cut into the solid stone wall. I watch from Rarity’s back as the giant rubble we came from diminishes below and eventually we reach the ceiling of the cave. Then the cage rises into a hole in the ceiling, and the only light is from the gems. Those glowing stones keep us visible until the elevator comes up to another opening, in the side of the wall. It stops there, where a flat expanse leads to a cave mouth with... with bright yellow sunlight beaming in from it. Oh, I’m going to get to feel Celestia’s sun! This is so incredible! The elevator stops and everypony gets out. I can see Apple Bloom and Scootaloo clearly now, more so as we approach the opening. They’re just like I ever hoped they would be: two pretty little fillies each in their own way, not too cartoony, but without looking too horselike or alien. It’s like all these ponies are a cartoon, but in so many more shades of light, and with more texture to them, and turning three dimensional of course. As high quality as the two dimensional animation was, this just blew it away. These ponies are beautiful! “Alright everypony,” Twilight says, pulling us up short as we approach the mouth of the cave. The sunlight looks so inviting, I just want to jump off of Rarity’s back and run into it. Fortunately I’m not that dumb, so I meekly stay put. “Let’s take a break here,” Twilight continues, “To give us a chance for our eyes to adjust.” Dammit purplesmart why do you have to be so smart and purple? She’s right though I can barely even look outside it’s so bright. By pressing on Rarity’s shoulders, I get enough leverage to lift my head to gaze at the others, trying (and failing) to conceal my delight. Twilight Sparkle is standing off to the side looking analytically at the sunlit entrance. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom are both to the left of me, looking up where I’m perched atop Rarity. They both have really guilty looks on their doe eyed faces. “So, amnesia huh,” Apple Bloom says her bow drooping with her ears. “It’s not so bad,” I tell her honestly. It’s true too. If I can, if I ever figure out how to fix this the not-killing-me way, I’m going to be so excited about all the things I can learn from this place. Amnesia does have its perks in that sense. “I remember you two a lot!” I add trying, and succeeding, to sound happy about it. “Do you remember the meteor?” Scootaloo asks. Hesitantly I respond, “I remember... a meteor... shower?” Scootaloo shakes her head. “No that was way long ago. I mean the big one that we were uh, ...investigating...” she says giving a very wary look at Rarity. I have to shake my head at that. “No, sorry,” I say, and in a brief stroke of genius add “What else happened recently? I might remember!” “Do you remember the field trip two weeks ago?” Scootaloo suggested eagerly. “Um...” I say with great hesitation, because the only field trip I know of is... not a good one. “What field trip exactly?” I ask. “To the water park?” Scootaloo responds looking disappointed. Hmm. “Did we get in trouble?” I suggest slyly. “No, but it was awesome!” Scootaloo said, “But we didn’t get our surfing cutie marks, but that’s probably just because it was only a wave pool and not the real beach.” “When did we get in big trouble last?” I ask hopefully. “I think I remember something like that.” “Well yeah,” Scootaloo says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “How about right now?” “You’re not in trouble,” Rarity interrupts insistently, “I am merely very disappointed in you three, for disregarding your own safety.” “Sweetie Belle deserves no punishment,” she says in a syrupy tone, turning and easily nuzzling right under my chin. It feels a lot more comforting than I’m comfortable with. “Poor dear Sweetie Belle has suffered enough already.” Rarity then goes from comforting to hostile in an instant, snapping at the other fillies, “You should be ashamed for putting her in such danger!” Yep, we’re in trouble alright. And now the other two look like they’re going to cry. Yes, even Scootaloo. “I’m okay, honest!” I say to them urgently, trying to allay their guilt. “How can you be okay?” Scootaloo says tearfully, “You can’t even remember anything!” “Well... it doesn’t hurt,” I emphasize. Scootaloo doesn’t really look satisfied at that, but more like she just doesn’t know how to respond. “Alright, if you’re ready everypony walk out on threes,” Twilight says, taking the lead. “Stay together,” she adds, “The path to the camp is relatively safe, but I don’t want to take any chances at this point.” The ponies walk out of the cave mouth holding one hoof to shield their eyes, limping forward on three legs with a surprising ease to their gait. It’d make sense that ponies are used to walking on three legs considering how often they’d have to hold something. Then again, sentience developing in non-bipedal animals without opposable thumbs is one of those concepts that’s never going to make sense, no matter how you spin it. Oh, no it’s not because animals need opposable thumbs to benefit from sentience, or because animals without thumbs couldn’t evolve to be sentient. That isn’t what makes it absurd. What it is, is that the ones with opposable thumbs can run while wielding weapons of war, so anything else would just get annihilated. And now I’m even questioning that, thinking of designs for saddle mounted artillery with a trigger that looks like the bit that goes into a horse’s mouth to control them, but instead you chomp on it to fire. Maybe forgetting my troubled past wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. As visual acclimitization occurs and their gaits settle to a steady trot, I find my greatest hopes about the sunlight fully realized. It feels friendly and warm all over my head, back and legs. One of the experiences that humans rarely get to experience, especially if not hot women, is nude sunbathing. Let me tell you you haven’t enjoyed life until you’ve felt warm friendly sunlight, using your butt. Only 15 minutes of it mind you, as any more will lead to sunburn, horrible cancers and aging skin, but here in this amazing land of paradise I had the impression that as warm as the sun felt, my new fur would provide adequate protection against being burned from it. The world we walk into is broad and flat with very little in the realm of features, but behind us where we emerged is a row of stunning crags lifting from the ground like a giant ice cream scoop went and carved the land up into peaks. What grows in the flat expanse before us is a thick mix of thorny dry brush and scrub. It isn’t a desert, but it is very dry. In fact, if it weren’t for the sharply clear unpolluted air, and the lack of constant automobile traffic noise, only a lonely whooshing wind in the distance, then it would have reminded me of my childhood prison, I mean home. The dense scraggly brush has been cut out into a broad dirt path down which we walk, many hoofprints dotting its dusty surface besides the ones my companions are leaving. One thing this amazing land of paradise is doing is making Rarity sweat, where I lay insulated over her... or making me sweat against her, or probably both. I feel a little guilty about that, promising myself I’d walk on my own as soon as I can, or at least have the tact to put a blanket between us, or dare I say it a saddle. She says not a single word about it, but I know Rarity, and I can actually feel her skin crawl as she tries to ignore the discomfort. I don’t mind it so much, but then I’m used to being a slovenly ne’er do well who didn’t have to keep up appearances because nobody ever wanted to look at me. Doesn’t mean I enjoy it either, though. It is actually a pretty hot day after all in this familiar looking but quiet place. What I do enjoy is a peculiar pressure on what I thought was my back, but when I look behind me I can see that the tail coming out of me had slipped down against Rarity’s, and her squiggle tail keeps bumping up against it. I don’t try to move it, just watch the peculiar interaction of bouncy curl to squiggle. I can feel what I was looking at, because it is my tail. First time in my life I’ve ever felt something like that, and I like it. I am a pony; I really really am a pony now, and it just makes me feel complete in a way I could never have hoped for, not in a million billion years. It makes me smile deliriously and close my eyes and lean the side of my head into the smoothly moving shoulders beneath me, the shoulders of the real pony that I’m really actually riding. The camp they spoke of is... not what I expected. I mean, it isn’t a campground camp it’s some sort of cross between a military encampment and an archaeological dig. A broad area in the center is set aside, where several ponies are squatted down on their haunches, busily dusting off and laying out fragments of what look like rubble. They are somehow managing to assemble them into larger structures of which the rubble originally composed. Like a jigsaw puzzle from Hell. Archeology is serious business I guess. Around the er, specimen assembly area is a square of tents, the ones on three sides being individual tents for one or a few peop–ponies, and the fourth side dominated by a single large canvas tent with several flaps ponies went into and out of. Around the circle of tents is what I can best describe as a layer of armed defenses. They seriously have two manned–er– poned ballistas, one on either side of the camp, and a thick fence erected around the camp, with sharp poles embedded in the ground in front of it at an angle. I was starting to feel less guilty about imagining ponies with guns already. The sheer number of ponies here is daunting to say the least. I never thought I’d find the presence of background ponies to be overwhelming. It’s just a lot harder to ignore the presence of many unfamiliar horsies, when you’re in there with them instead of looking from the other side of a screen. I try to find any ponies I recognize, but asides the ones I’m with, I’m not having any luck. Lots of gem cutie marks though, sensible considering they’re doing excavation. Because I am totally the cutie mark expert and no I’m pretty much talking out my somewhat overexposed to the sun ass at this point. “I cannot believe you are managing this, Twilight!” Rarity exclaims idly to her fellow friend. Twilight blushes and is all, “Oh, it’s not such a big deal. This is the find of the–” “With all this dust and dirt your lustrous coat is getting ruined!” Rarity interrupts, jarring to a halt and lifting a hoof. “I can scarcely remember being white anymore!” I can’t help but snicker at that. I wonder if Rarity meant to cut off Twilight’s lecture that way. “And just what is so funny?” Rarity asks me looming in my face again. “Oh, um... nothing.” I say engaging all my clever wiles to come up with that amazing alibi. “You three get dirty enough as-is,” Rarity says snippily, turning away and turning her nose up, “To be wandering around these dreary dusty badlands, I can tell you that a bath is in your very near future!” My eyes widen at that. Oh my gosh I haven’t taken a bath in years. We enter the pavillion tent where some sort of supply distribution is going on, not exactly a cafeteria but ponies exchanging tools and brightly colored very fresh looking vegetables with each other. I find myself looking longingly at the vegetables just... wondering how they taste I guess? I wonder how long it’s been since Sweetie Belle had anything to eat. There’s a cart in the shade with two harnesses on it, currently being stocked with empty jars, jugs and scraps of junk. Twilight walks over to talk with them while I watch, and... I’m a bit disappointed to not see a unicorn levitating stuff into the cart. I saw Rarity levitating the canteen and that was so cool. But I’m not that disappointed because it’s also fascinating to watch the ponies just manually lifting and carrying things in their hooves. I squirm myself over slightly to look at my own hoof and toy with it. It turns out I can make it face me like a palm, and I can curl it forward like a jointed candy cane. It feels like I’m trying to use my finger to touch my upper arm, which is technically true even if I only have one finger on each hand. “Well, things are relatively safe for now,” Rarity says before me, “So why don’t you go wait with your two little friends while the supply carrier prepares for the return journey. And don’t,” she looms in my face again making me reel back. This is suboptimal! “...leave my sight,” Rarity finishes dangerously. She looks at me neutrally then, with a glimmer of expectation that I can tell ...somehow. Somehow I can tell she expects something of me. I squirm uncertainly on her back. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are standing around her, looking up at me equally expectantly. They do remember that I can’t walk, right? “Oh right, you can’t walk,” Rarity says disappointedly. “Maybe not,” I admit uncomfortably, “But I don’t want to make you all sweaty, and I have to learn sometime,” shit! “To... be more considerate,” I continue slowly, “And I can’t work on remembering how to walk if I just sit.” “Very well, then,” Rarity says, descending like an elevator and folding her legs underneath herself. “But please be careful,” she emphasizes. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself any more!” Ponies are awesome by the way. Rarity just sat down, just like that, and I don’t have to jump down from dismounting like I would a big, stupid, real horse who is too inconsiderate and dumb to sit down. It’d be easy enough for me to just slide off of her, but... then what do I do? I look up as a hoof shoves in my face, and Apple Bloom is standing there with a sad smile holding out her hoof to... help me out. Ponies are awesome. To help Sweetie Belle out, at least... I’m grateful nonetheless, and I reach my arm out, whereupon Apple Bloom’s lithe yellow hoof catches it like a hook. I don’t know how to hold on myself, but I can hold my arm steady at least, as Apple Bloom pulls me off of Rarity’s comforting backside. With an unnerving clop, my left back hoof comes down, and I look behind me trying to get that hoof aligned... good? I already feel like I’m losing it. I’m stretched between the hoof in Apple Bloom’s grasp, and the rear one on the ground, my other front hoof unable to get a grip, and my final hoof is... stuck up on Rarity’s back. I’d have to walk forward, to get it off of her back, and Apple Bloom has the same idea because... she pulls me forward. This should have caused me to stumble forward and regain my footing, but I don’t know how to do that, so my hand and–hooves just stay planted, and I tip forward when Apple Bloom pulls. “Woah!” I shout, my raised leg wobbling frantically to try to balance myself. Apple Bloom continues to try to support me, but my legs just sort of slowly slide out from under me, until I’m down on my belly again looking up at Apple Bloom abashedly... still hanging onto her hoof. “Wow Sweetie, you really are having trouble!” Scootaloo says, gaping at me in alarm. I wave my free hand—er, front hoof—at her saying, “No no, I just got caught by surprise.” It’s not very convincing, coming from a boneless pile of Sweetie Belle lying there. Not to mention all my limbs are really ...achy, and I feel like I haven’t slept in like 3 days. “Um,” I look at my hoof still caught in Apple Bloom’s, nervously saying, “Can you let go?” Her eyes widen a bit and “Oh! Raht!” she rapid fires, stepping forward and placing my own limb carefully against my breast, and patting it gently. “Sorry ‘bout that.” “It’s okay, I got this,” I say quietly, concentrating on analyzing my joints. I have to extend my elbows in order to twist my hooves, but when my arms are straight, everything from the upper arm to the elbow sort of... sticks against... inside my torso somewhere. I guess that’s ...supposed to happen? My legs feel more normal than my arms, if that makes any sense. At least they have knees, even though it feels like my knee is touching my ankle. I finally figure out how to push my body up, by trying to do close pushups, but it’s really weird. Instead of pushing straight up, with my pectorals, my arms end up acting like levers, bracing at the ground and lifting me with my triceps, at the chest as a fulcrum. I do rise though, getting my front legs braced firmly underneath me. Of course, I left my back legs are splayed out flat behind me, so I can’t just put them under me. I rotate one of those legs around, trying to brace it under me, but then I... slip, and go down again in a heap. Fear of discovery blooms in me, as my failure to walk impresses upon the ponies who are watching me do so. Ohh, I hope they don’t suspect me this must look terribly suspicious. “Almost got it!” I frantically assure everypony, rotating my other hind leg around determinedly, even as I’m flopped down on my belly. This way, my rear toes are just about right next to my ears, and of course I don’t feel even the slightest tension in doing that. Because this position is totally natural for a pony, even though to me it feels like a contortion act. It makes amusement bubble up in me when I realize all I’d have to do now is shove my arms behind me, to be the spitting image of Scooty Belle. I wonder if that actually works to walk around like that. But now I’m trying to look normal, not memetic. I lever myself up again, and this time with my legs facing forward. As those legs slide back, the hooves on them catch on the dirty ground, and my ankles rise up into the air. I look at the positioning of my rear hooves critically then lift my head and... wow. It’s really weird, having your butt behind you instead of below you. I feel kind of like I’m just the front half of a horse costume, but then I can lift my hind legs just fine, one after the other, and put them down. So I’m all the way back there, at the end of the horse costume too! Weird as this experience is, I’m actually managing to stand! I can’t help but smile giddily standing like this. “I did it!” I exclaim brightly. The other fillies they... wow. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo look really different when you are seeing them eye-to-eye. Most of the show does a top down perspective on the fillies, even in their own scenes, in order to emphasize how tiny they are. How tiny we are. But from this perspective, if I didn’t know better we’d just be a bunch of big headed ponies, surrounded by 12 foot tall giant ponies. For the first time ever, I can meet Apple Bloom’s eyes, not just look down at her. I can see her and... she can see me. That’s... really cool. “Y’sure uh, did Sweetie,” Apple Bloom says uncomfortably, less impressed with the situation than I am. Oh boy, I guess it is weird that a pony would be so excited about standing up... as a pony. Before I can whimper out an excuse, I look up at a feeling on my back, and Rarity has wrapped her neck around behind mine in a heart thumpingly comforting way. “You did, Sweetie,” Rarity says encouragingly, then leaving me standing free again. “Now let’s see you walk around.” Whew. Okay. I can do this. The hard part is standing. I lift one front hoof, wobbling a bit, then stretch to place it further in front of me. Good, first step down. Then, I lift the opposite leg and move it forward to more underneath me. Those two legs planted, I lift my other rear leg and the tension of my position pulls it forward a step. Finally my front left leg, which is just left angling down under my torso, I lift it curling it out from under me, and returning to a resting position. I took a full pace! I smile at the other ponies brightly, but I don’t get encouraging smiles in return. I... I really do have to figure this out right now, don’t I. Rarity calls over her shoulder, “Twilight I think there might be–” Desperately, I take another step. I try to repeat what I’ve learned, but I feel like I’m skating on the dirt. I’m not just balancing on my toes I’m balancing on the nails of my toes. It’s like walking on stilts! I slip again, all my legs go out from under me and I fall forward, my chin smacking the ground painfully, giving an “Oof!” as my chest hits dirt. I’m so dead. They’re not going to think this is just dizziness. They’re going to think there’s something wrong and then they’ll investigate and find me and I’ll be dead forever and never get to see them again. “Sweetie Belle, are you okay?!” Twilight’s voice comes riding up behind me. I lever up my upper torso by my arms again, trying to answer, but all that comes out is a mewling whimper. The realization that there are tears running down my eyes is almost enough to shock me out of being upset entirely. Am I seriously... really... crying? I look up at Twilight, so tall before me, and my eyes grow even more watery as hope swells in my chest. Her caring look makes me feel so safe I don’t even know why. “I’m... I’m okay...” I tell her, and also I tell myself. I’ve never been able to tell that to myself before, ever. It’s strange then, because Twilight is talking all weird like she’s at the end of a tunnel, and it’s hard to focus on her, and my arms are giving out weakly and with a snort I jolt awake on a moving cart. ...where?

Here I go with an original story about copyrighted characters! A gratuitous HiE self insert that fixes everything that every other author is doing wrong, while doing everything wrong.

This story has a level 5 heart attack warning.