Don't read this. I wrote it at 2am when I should have been sleeping. I have no idea whether Twilight Sparkle would really teach sex-ed this way. Or why anypony would be dumb enough to assign her as its instructor. I was just rambling with stream-of-thought ideas here that even I think are ludicrous. You can blame Discord, I guess? But people were curious what the fillies were taught, so here you go.

Colt version is about the same except with lots less information in an uncaring droning monotone.

Welcome everypony, or, everyfilly I guess it would be, to Introductory Developmental Education! Now I know what you’re thinking and we’re going to be talking about some strange stuff but I’m confident you’ll find this a fascinating learning experience. Certainly nothing you’d need therapy to recover from, lengthy lawsuits, complaining to your parents, or any such unnecessary actions because I can assure you that I only have your education in mind, and nothing has to travel beyond this room because you won’t be traumatized or alarmed at all. It’s not like your opinion of what I tell you can make or break my reputation, and my entire career, and forever tarnish the admiration of the Princess Celestia herself. So rest assured you are in good hooves, and you will trot out of this classroom far more educated than you reluctantly walked in. Now first I would like to explain to you some of the more common chemical interactions involved in hormonal signaling. How many of you are familiar with electron shell diagrams? Anypony? Well I suppose we could do a quick review of that first before we get started... ... ...well it looks like we’re out of time for today. I hope you’ve learned the basics of molecular modelling shorthand, because it will be very relevant for your next appointed date to learn all about the beauty of the morphology of adult maturation processes. ... Welcome everypony, or, everyfilly I should say, to Introductory Developmental Education, lesson 2! I would like to begin with a disclaimer that should any pony feel intimidated or frightened by my presentation methods that all you need is to raise a hoof and I will cater the lesson to your particular emotional demands. Additionally, when you report to your parents the events of this lecture, if you could please avoid any unnecessary alarmist rhetoric that would be most appreciated. I am not here to alarm you, but merely to educate! Now you may recall that the aromatase enzyme can through a process of six distinct oxidations create a phenyl group in what was previously known as an androgen. This is the fundamental method by which androgens are minimized in filly biology, which lends strong evidence to the role of estrogen in maturation of many important tissues specific to a mare. One such tissue is squamous eptheliel... ... ...well it looks like we’re out of time for today. I hope you have a good understanding now of the structure of the epthelium and the mechanisms by which excretory glands deliver important communicatory pheremones for all sorts of interactivity and nonverbal communication not limited to the maturation process. Be sure to remember all that, because there will be a quiz on it tomorrow. Isn’t that great?? ...you can go now. ... Welcome everypony, or, everyfilly I should say, to Introductory Developmental Education, lesson 3! To those of you who complained to your parents about the verbosity of these lectures, I assure you I have only your best interests in mind, and every fact on my list is quite relevant to your important pubertal progression. Any discussions about the quality of the lecture may be directed to me after class whereupon I will adjust my modus operandi to suit your individual filly needs. Now I’ve prepared a little quiz to test your knowledge so far. I’m sure you’re all excited to show me how much you’ve learned in just two lessons! So get out your pencils, and let’s get testing! ... I would like to introduce to you the anatomical diagram! These figures are cross sections respectively of a mare and a stallion, not literally of course as that would be highly inappropriate for purposes of education, but these pencil drawings are most certainly almost accurate enough to teach from! I’ve taken the liberty of re-representing them on the chalkboard, where we will first be focusing on the filly cross section so that you may understand what’s happening in your very own bodies! ... And unfortunately the urinary bladder is also known to form gall stones which may obstruct the bladder and cause some amount of pain and potential infection. The worry is minimal in fillies though because the urinary tract is quite short and urine typically lacks the necessary acidity to crystallize urea. The explaination of why the pH of the vulvular area remains at a low pH is because of the glandular excretions we reviewed in lesson 2. ... T-t-the corpous spongiosum is a pliable tissue resistant to e-engorgement which prevents blockage of the urethral passage allowing for proper passage of fluid during maximum turgidity. If the corpus spongiosum were a ship at sea, the corpus cavernosum would be the storm surrounding it. When a storm reaches... maximum wind strength, the ship needs to be... flexible enough to take down its sails in order to protect the passengers. If the ship is unponied then its mast will break, and it will surely go down in a wreck, but thankfully with dedicated sailors at work even the worst storms may be weathered given a small amount of thought and preparation. Occasionally however a storm comes upon a ship without warning, in which case the mast may still be at risk if the crew cannot... ... I would like to apologize for my actions in the previous lesson. Your parents have informed me of overstepping my bounds and I respect their need to maintain a positive society under the sun. As such, we will no longer discuss the male half of the anatomical diagram, and can instead focus on potential diseases and infections that could plague your interior and exterior epthelium. The trots can be particularly dangerous if the proper direction while cleaning one’s anus is not respected. Bifidiobacterium while natural in the intestine can inflame and irritate the labial region in a manner that can lead to sores and even tissue necrosis in severe cases... ... I’m glad to say that I’ve managed to cover the great variety of afflictions of one’s pereineal area no matter how rare or difficult to acquire including some little known varieties you can only get in tropical areas and the host of conditions that only persist in extreme circumstances such as trench warfare. I trust you’ll use this knowledge to better yourself and learn more about your body, and I hope you’ve enjoyed learning as much as I enjoy teaching it to you! ... Here we examine the comparative anatomy, with abstract pencil sketches of course, between an earth pony mare, a pegasus mare, and a unicorn mare. Here you can see the uterine wall is thicker in the case of the earth pony as this is the case for greater resource development. Yes? Question? Oh, the uterus is for m-making the production process possible, providing a secure environment as well as a constraining one in which development can properly occur. You can think of it like a boat, on which a filly is riding tied to the mast. The boat itself provides the necessary floatation to remain above water, even though the filly has been made completely unable to swim herself. If she breaks free of the mast she can leave the boat, but then she has only open water to swim in, and no hope of land in sight. This could be a very sad scenario were it not for the existence of the boat, which enables her to pilot a course for land. Only if she can manage to get herself untied of course... ... I would like to apologize to the parents who complained. It was not my intention to use such inappropriate language that I will no longer repeat for the duration of this class. I can assure you that the words were used only in the most clinical uninvolved sense, as an attempt to educate you on the changes due to happen one day in your bodies and not any sort of perversion or undue attraction towards intergenerational relationships. For now we’ll refer to this structure in the diagram as abstract letter A, and this structure as letter B. Now A proceeds to B via something known as follicles, whose feathery protrubences prevent A from being lost and discarded in the general abdominal interstitium... ... Today we will be discussing the genetic combinations of various forms of pea plant. The great botanist Grey Mendall originally discovered the basis to genetic combinatorics by his measurements of pea plant characteristics. Here you can see in this corner of the punnet square a pea that is both yellow and wrinkled in texture... ... To those of you who complained about the relevance of the previous lesson I would like to say that it was a very relevant lesson and the reason for that is that ponies are... sort of like peas. You see if you put a bunch of peas onto a boat... ...