Please Help!

I need an outproxy to fimfiction. Cloudflare blocks Tor, so I cannot connect to fimfiction without reporting myself to my ISP and Cloudflare, along with just how much I love little children. I don’t love little children, but good luck convincing an angry parent of that, when Cloudflare decided I needed to be dealt with. So I need your help to get to fimfiction! Here’s what you do:

• Run i2p (yay, already done!)
• Go to your (hidden services manager)[http://127.0.0.1:7657/i2ptunnelmgr]
• Select “Standard” next to “New hidden service:” and click Create
• So many options! Most you can ignore, but…
  • [x] Automatically start tunnel when router starts
  • give it a name and a description (“Outproxy to Fimfiction” or something)
  • under Target put “fimfiction.net”
  • under Port, put 443
  • You can also (optionally) go to “length” and lower it to 1 hop or 0 hop tunnel.
    • That won’t hurt my anonymity, and I doubt the suits are going to beat down your door, because you were letting me go be weird somewhere, so you don’t really need a lot of protection. (I think?)
    • Also you’re making an SSL tunnel, so nobody’s going to find on your computer any of the secret potentially illegal words I might be typing. All you’ll ever see is meaningless bytes going between me and Fimfiction. (Though you could go to fimfiction yourself, and see the stories I’m posting.)
    • fimfiction.net can already tell what your IP is anyway. They’re the ones refusing to use I2P, and in fact insisting on using the professional spies known as Cloudflare for “protection.” They’re pretty evil. But what good’s it gonna do them to know your IP, when you’re not even the one writing this stuff?
    • My activity on fimfiction.net can be cover for you! It’ll confuse the people trying to scam you, and give you a valid alibi, in case you do visit a website that’s illegal.
• Once you’ve set that stuff, page all the way down to the bottom, and select “Save” on the bottom right.
• You’ll return to the list of hidden services then, with your new “Outproxy to Fimfiction” showing up under “I2P HIDDEN SERVICES” at the top.
• Wait a while, then reload the page. Now you should see a green star, on the row for your new service, and a column saying “Base32 Address:” then a bunch of weird letters and numbers. Copy that address and send it to me somehow and I’ll be able to get to fimfiction, and all they’ll see is your computer going there!

On my end, I’ll set up a phony DNS/iptables thing to redirect fimfiction.net:443 to 127.0.0.1:12345 where 12345 is the port I set for the client tunnel I create in i2p in order to reach your hidden service. And poof, as long as your computer’s running, I’ll be able to access fimfiction.net. Very… slowly.

It won’t expose you to any legal stuff from anything I’m writing, only fimfiction.net. It won’t let me connect to any other websites, or try to get you in trouble by hacking fbi.gov or something. I can’t do that, I can only go to fimfiction.net.

I2P’s outproxies have been totally unresponsive for years… and when I try to use Tor outproxies, Cloudflare (the spies monitoring all the websites on the Internet) sends me a “Here solve this captcha” page with a picture of completely random lines and scribbles. All they have to do is “accidentally” make privacy software too hard to use and it’s effectively blocked. They don’t want to admit they block Tor, you see, but they really want to make it so we can’t use it. The less privacy we have, the more info they can sell, and the more money they can make. So my only hope is that some kind soul who doesn’t care about fimfiction.net will set up this hidden service, and let me connect there through them.

I don’t have much hope, honestly. It’s been years (as I mentioned) and nobody’s shown up who’s willing and able to do something like this. I did get chastized by Dracula for being into zoophilia and “P***” though, for what that’s worth.