>"What 'bout Sandlewood?"
>You watched as the big, dreadlock-haired guy made his way past your table
>Even though he was doing his best to hide it, you could see that he was swaying his hips
>The slut
>Not that you WEREN'T looking
"Eh, six outta ten."
>"Alrighty, what 'bout Thunderlane then?"
>In the corner of the lunchroom, you could see Thunderlane sitting at a table surrounded by a bunch of other bottom bitches
>He was going for an all-natural look
>No makeup, no foundation, nothing
>It wasn't a very good look for him
"A seven on his best day," you said, kicking your feet up on the table you were sitting at
>Applejack, who was sitting right next to you eating her apple-based lunch, looked around the room with a frown
>"What 'bout Anon then?" she asked, nudging her head toward one of the tables as she popped an apple fritter into her mouth
>Looking over your shoulder, you saw that the big green weirdo himself was sitting two tables down from you
>As always, those stupid sirens surrounded him, one on each side with Adagio in his lap
>The poofy-haired bully had her arms wrapped around her boyfriend's neck
>She was whispering something into his ear
>Anon, along with the other two baddies, laughed suddenly
>You frowned
>Boy was Anon lucky that he found someone
>Because he is UGGGGGGGGGGGLY!
>Whoo
>Looking at AJ from the corner of your eye, you try to reach over to try to snatch one of her fritters

>Even though you liked to think of yourself as a totally awesome gal with ninja-like prowess, the farmer was hypervigilant today
>"Get outta here, Rainbow!" she snapped, slapping your hand away with no small amount of force. 
>You yelped, nearly falling out of your chair as you yanked your hand back
>OWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!
>HOW CAN SHE ALWAYS MAKE YOUR HAND STING LIKE THAT?!
>IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD!
>Shaking out your poor, abused hand you glared at your friend, who glared right back
"Come on, just give me one! I'm hungry!" you whined
>"Then go an' get something from the lunch line, ya thieving varmint," Applejack shot back, making sure to pop a fritter into her mouth as you watched
"I just want one! Come on, when I have lunch I'll buy you a cookie!"
>"Nope."
"A bag of chips then?"
>"These are my favorite fritters, Dash."
>Of course, like the girly-girl you were, you huffed, crossing your hands
"You stingy bitch," you grumbled
>Applejack smiled
>"Ya know it," she said, nudging you with her shoulder. "Now whatcha think about that there Anonymous?"
>You grunted
"I can see why he latched onto those fish-girls," you said. "No other girl in her right mind would want to go out with a fugly weirdo like him."
>Applejack snorted
>"That “fugly weirdo” sure seems to be makin' Aria and them mighty happy."
>You looked back over at the siren's table to see laughter and smiles all around
"The ugly guys are always the ones that'll do anything to get the girls to like them," you said dismissively
>Applejack snorted again
>"Whoo nelly, are ya somethin', Rainbow..."
>Your chest puffed out ever so slightly

"Hey, it's not my fault that my standards are a little higher than yours," you said, rubbing your hand against your chest and inspecting it. "When you're as awesome as me you need to go after the grade-A dick."
>This time Applejack guffawed
>"I'd hate ya see yer kinda guy then," she said, slapping her knee. "Sweet Apples an' plums, no wonder ya ain't got a boyfriend."
>You stiffened ever so slightly at the rub
"I can get a boyfriend whenever I want, thank you very much," you snapped. "I'm just... browsing the market right now."
>This only caused Applejack to laugh harder
>"Browsin' the market? Whoo, I guess it's hard findin' a guy when they're only sixes or fives out there, huh?"
>You frowned
"Hey, at least /I/ wasn't desperate enough to go out with Caramel."
>"Hey now, 'Mel's a sweet boy," Applejack said, wiping a tear from her eye
>Your eyes rolled so hard that they nearly fell out of your head
"He's the biggest prude in the school, AJ."
>"The biggest prude in the school can suck on a clit so good that your eyes cross, Dash," the farmer smugly countered, nudging you again. "Not that you'd know anything about that, Ms. High Standards."
>Snorting, you shove your friend
"Fuck off, you dyke."
>"Hey now, we might be friends but we ain't that friendly, gal," Applejack said, finishing her last fritter
"I can get any guy in this school," you insisted, looking up at the ceiling. "There isn't a guy in Canterlot High that wouldn't want a piece of THIS."
>Applejack looked you over for a few moments, wiping her mouth with a napkin
>"Ya can get any guy in the school, huh?"
>You nodded
"Yep. If you took your pick I could walk over there and snatch him up like THAT," you confidently told her

"Alright. Who's the best lookin' guy in here?"
>... What?
"What?"
>Looking back over at Applejack, you saw that your friend was looking back at you intently
>"Who's the best lookin' guy in here," she asked again, waving a hand around the room
>A quick look around the cafeteria brought your attention to Flash Sentry
>AKA Sunset's old walking dildo
>Not the BEST looking guy in the school--that was Soarin-- but he might have been in the top twenty
"Flash over there I guess," you muttered before closing your eyes. "I don't see why that--HEY!"
>Applejack, being the strong cunt that was she, pulled you to your feet with a single hand
"What the fuck are you--"
>"Go on an' get'em then. I'm tired o' you tellin' me how many guys ya can get. I wanna see ya in action."
"Wha--"
>"Go an' show me how much o' a cock slayer are, Dash."
"I'm--"
>Applejack sneered
>"Unless yer just full o' hot air like I know ya are."
>...
>Fuck
>Wrenching yourself from your friend's grasp, you nodded
"FINE!" you snapped, brushing yourself off as you glared at her. "I'll show you! I'll have his fucking phone number in ten seconds flat!"
>"Really?"
"Yeah. REALLY."
>Applejack raised an eyebrow
>"Ya wanna bet on it?" she asked

>Despite yourself, you couldn't help but smile
>You'll make a bet alright
>And you're gonna win that fucking bet
>Slapping your hands down on the table, you leaned toward Applejack
"If I get his number you gotta bring me apple fritters for the rest of the week," you told her
>The farmer nodded
>"That's fair," she admitted. "But if ya don't get his number--like I know ya won't-- ya gotta buy me as many cookies as I want fer the rest of the week."
>Without a second thought your hand comes up
"Deal," you said, offering it to her
>"Deal," Applejack repeated, grabbing your hand and shaking it
>The second that you broke your handshake you were already making your way toward Flash's table
>Alright
>This was going to be easy
>Make sure that your hair looked okay
>You were awesome
>You could have any guy that you wanted in this school
>Straighten out your shirt a bit
>All you needed to do was show ol' Flash a bit of THE DASH swagger and he'd be sucking on your clit before next period
>You could hear the other guys at Flash's table laughing about something
>None of them had seen you yet
>Good
>That meant that you had the element of surprise
>Taking a deep breath, you puffed your chest out
>You began to sway side-to-side, putting your butt and hips on display
>You smiled, revealing your white, perfect teeth
>Yep...
>Flash wasn't gonna know what hit 'em

>"--So I said to HER, ‘Look, even though I think it's really sweet that you're taking me to Cupid's Secret, that doesn't mean that you can come in and watch me while I'm trying out the--’"
>Sauntering to the end of the table, you leaned down and rested your elbow against if before loudly clearing your throat
>Many of the guys jumped in surprise, their heads snapping toward you
>...Oh shit
>Your ninja skills were just a little too high
>You're fucking fumbling, Rainbow
>Save it
>SAVE. IT!
>Putting on your savviest smile, you looked over at Flash
"Hey good lookin', what's cookin?" you cooed
>For a few moments Flash and the rest of the table just looked at you, confusion plastered on their faces
>"Rainbow?" he said, his brow furrowing
>The smile on your face twitched but you managed keep it from falling apart
"The one and the same, babe," you told him
>Still more seconds ticked by as they continued to look you up and down
>But then an incredible thing happened
>An expected thing--since you were so awesome and all--but incredible nonetheless
>All fifteen guys, from the hotties to the uggos, all smiled at you
>And not only were they smiles, but they were GENUINE, happy-to-see-you smiles
>niggawemadeit.jpg
>"Rainbow, honey!" Flash cried, throwing an arm around you. "Why don't you sit down? Come on, grab a chair! It's nice to see that you're away from the girls for once!"
>Your tits grew ten sizes as the guys grabbed a chair from the table next to you and sat you down
>AT the front of the table no less
>Looking over your shoulder, you looked over toward Applejack
>When you saw her looking back at you with a stupefied expression, your smile couldn't help but grow just a bit bigger

>Heh
>You knew that you were going to be a hit with the guys, but you didn't think they were going to be crawling over you like THIS...
>After you get Flash's number, maybe you should get one or two more from this table so you could really--
>"So Rainbow, how's your new girlfriend?"
>For a few moments, time seemed to freeze
>The cafeteria became silent
>The whole room became a little darker
>A chill came to the air
>In the distance you could hear the sound of glass shattering
>...Wat?
"Wat?"
>Eyes wide, you looked over at Flash, who was still giving you that genuine, honest smile of his
>"Applejack is a pretty good catch, you were smart to snatch her up when Caramel moved on," Flash said, patting your shoulder before taking a bite out of his sandwich. "Those farm girls are--"
>You don't remember standing up, bit in the blink of an eye the chair that you were sitting on was kicked half way across the room and you were on your feet
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! APPLEJACK AND I AREN'T GOING OUT!" you screamed
>The table full of guys went from smiling and warm looks to wide eyes and frowns
>But you couldn't find yourself giving even a little bit of a fuck
>You weren't no carpet muncher
>You liked guys
>Cock was your favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, and dinner
>You weren't gay
>YOU WEREN'T FUCKING GAY MOM!
>YOU'RE THE FUCKING DYKE!
>As you began hyperventilating, Flash cocked his head to the side
>"...Really?" he said. "Well, we just thought that--"

"Well, you thought WRONG," you interrupted with a growl. "I don't know where you get your facts from, bud, but I'm a HUNDRED percent straight."
>The looks of fear and concern morphed into confusion
>"...Straight?" one of the guys said slowly
>You vigorously nodded
"It's cocks only for this girl!" you proudly chirped, slapping a hand against your chest
>If the guys looked confused a moment ago now they looked utterly baffled
>"...Girl?" another guy said. "You're a girl?"
>You, being the hot-blooded Equestrian that you were, reacted as well as one much expect when asked such a fucking STUPID question
"OF COURSE I'M A FUCKING GIRL, YOU DUMMY!" you snarled. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK I WAS?!"
>"A guy," all of them immediately answered
>...
>...
>...
>Wat?
>You stiffened, your eyes growing to the size of dinner plates
"...H-Huh?" you whispered, taking a step away from the table
>All of the guys' expressions became thoughtful
>"You know... I was wondering why we never saw you in the men's locker room," Flash muttered, stroking his chin
>"It was always pretty weird that she'd always spend her time with the girls too," another chimed in. "I just thought it was because she was a tomboy... huh, I guess her being a girl DOES make a lot of sense..."
>Something inside of you snaps, causing you to place a hand over your chest
>This isn't happening...
>This isn't happening...
>"But can you blame us though? I mean, she looks so much like a guy that it's unbelieveable!"

>"Yeah! That's just what I was thinking!"
>"She really is boney, isn't she?"
>"And that jawline!"
>...
>These guys weren't trying to hurt your feelings
>And this wasn't one of their mind games
>Each and every one of them looked genuinely confused
>Like they honestly didn't know that you were a girl
>...
>They...
>They didn't know that you were a girl
>How...
>Why...
>...
>Wait...
>Noticing that the cafeteria was dead silent, you looked around
>Each and every single person in that big ass cafeteria was looking at you
>They had heard what you said
>You were yelling pretty loudly
>...
>From twenty feet away you could heard Aria snort
>At the other end of the cafeteria Lyra began to chuckle
>All around you, girls were chuckling
>Girls who had just heard what had gone down
>Girls that wouldn't let you live this down until you either died or blew up the school
>Word got around fast in this school
>You knew
>By eighth period everyone would know what the fuck happened
>You'd need to shoot up this school TOMORROW to keep your street cred
>The only problem is that you don't own a gun
>And Applejack and Fluttershy probably won't let your borrow either of theirs
>You were fucked
>Truly, spectacularly fucked
>...
"...S-Shit..."