>"Hey, Caramel? Is there anymore of this yummy wine cooler?”
>"Someone turn this up! It's my JAM!"
>"I'm telling you, Roseluck is the THIRSTIEST! The other day she was hanging around outside the guys locker room and--"
>"Hand me some of those chips. Fuck muh diet!"
>You couldn't help but smile as you looked around your bedroom
>It was about eight o'clock on a Friday night 
>School had been out since Thursday because of two consecutive act-eighty days in a row
>Your parents were off somewhere down in Florida for a business trip/vacation getaway
>Your big sister was out in Dodge City with her friends doing whatever community college students did
>She wouldn't be home until Monday, just like your parents
>This meant that you were alone
>You could do anything that you wanted
>You were free
>So, with a long weekend ahead of you, you had decided to do the best thing that came to mind
>Mother. Fucking. Sleepover. Extravaganza.
>Three days of hanging out with the boys, talking, giving yourselves makeovers, and drinking those AMAZING wine coolers that Thunderlane's mom got for you whenever you asked
>The pervy old lady
>There was you, Norman, Flash, Thunderlane, Big Mac, and your man of the hour, Anonymous
>Also known as the HARDEST man in the WORLD to get to come to a sleepover
>It had taken days of planning to get him here
>You and the fellas had hounded him in school at every opportunity, begging and pleading
>Thunderlane, at one point, had even tried to bribe him
>He must have told you no a hundred times, his resting bitch-face game strong as he stared each and every one of you down
>But you had been determined
>Anon needed to get out, have a little fun!
>He needed to be around men
>Talk and have fun with them
>It wasn't healthy to be cooped up with his girlfriends all day every day like he always was

>So you had asked and asked and asked again until Anonymous had broken down and agreed to come
>And here he was, propped up on about two dozen pillows, a mineral paste covering his face and cucumbers over his eyes
>His toes and fingers were being seen to by Flash, who had a scraper and some lotion at the ready, as he talked Anon's ear off about something or another
>Sitting beside him, with an extra-long silly straw that he had gotten from SOMEWHERE, was a half-full pitcher of red wine cooler slushy that you had made yourself
>You didn't know WHY he wanted the pitcher, but when you tried to take it off of him--so you could give him a normal glass-- he nearly bit you
>...
>So... he got to keep the whole pitcher...
>Lack of manners aside, a certain pride fills you as you look the guy over
>You don't think that you've ever seen him that relaxed
>There wasn't an ounce of tension in his body
>His breathing was slow and steady
>You might have thought that he was asleep if not for the fact that you could clearly see him sucking on his silly straw
>A giggle escaped your throat as you took a sip of your own wine cooler, wiggling your toes into your carpet
>Yep...
>This was JUST what all of you needed
>Some good company, good drinks, and good tunes
>As Mac turned up the newest pop hit by C.H.R.Y.S.A.L.I.S, you made your way over to Anon and Flash
"So how's it going over here?" you asked
>Flash frowned
>"It's a skinmergency here, 'Mal," he said with a dramatic sigh, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow. "Dry, cracked, and THICK skin EVERYWHERE!"
>He tapped the edge of his scraper--a thick, industrial thing that you had "borrowed" from your cousin-- against Anon's foot

>Anon grunted, his foot twitching
>Flash just tsked
>"I'm going to be here ALL night, 'Mal," he announced, before smiling. "But when that sun comes up Anon here's going to look like a whole new man!"
>Flash snapped his head to the side and struck a pose
>”Or I’m not the FABULOUS FLASH!” 
>You and the other fellas--excluding Anon-- giggled
>You don't care what the other guys at school say about Flash, he is a CARD
>And you mean that in the best possible way
"What about you, Anon? Is the party as fun as we told you it would be?"
>Anon sighed as he took a particularly long sip of his drink
>"I have ascended to a higher plane of understanding," he simply said around his straw, wiggling his toes
>You grinned
>By the end of this you were going to have a brand new bf
>You could just FEEL it
"Alright, I'll let you two--"
>Before you could finish your sentence, something out of your window caught your eye
>One of the lights from the house next to yours flicked on
>Not a moment later, you watched as the window was opened
>...
>You frowned
"Oh shoot, I forgot that their bathroom window was on the same side as my bedroom," you muttered
>Flash perked up
>"What was that, Caramel?" he asked, still working on Anon's foot
>You took a step back from your window
>Usually, you'd have blinds on them that you could open and close whenever you felt like it, but because you were swapping the color of your bed sheets you had to take them off so that they didn't throw off the theme of the room
>You had ordered a new set of blinds but they hadn't come in yet
>That meant your window was completely exposed
>THEY could see everything that you and your friends were doing in here if they just looked out their window

>Not that they WOULD
>But still...
>"Whatcha lookin' at, Caramel?" Mac asked, climbing to his feet and making his way over to you
>"Yeah, what the heck's gotten into you?" Thunderlane demanded, looking out of your window. "What, is someone out there?"
>You grimace
"No, it's just that I realized that these blinds are open..."
>Thunderlane frowned
>"And what? Do you think that Principal Celestia or her sister are going to peep on us?"
>You didn't see Anon get up, nor did you hear him walk over to you
>You also didn't see him take the cucumbers off of his eyes or the mineral paste off his face
>But there he was standing next to you, peering out of your bedroom window, cucumber-less and without a bit of paste on his cheeks
>"Principal Celestia?" he muttered, brow furrowing. "What about her?"
>"Anon! You get back down here and let me--" Flash began, only for Anon to silence him with a finger
>"What are you guys talking about the principal for?" he asked again, looking over to Thunderlane with an expression that you couldn’t quite place
>Thunderlane shrugged
>"What? Didn’t you know that Caramel here lives next to the principal and her sister?" he asked
>Anon's eyes widened
>He looked over to you, then out to the window
>You could see steam coming from the principal's bathroom window now
>She--or the vice-principal--must have been showering or something
>You stuck your tongue out at THAT mental image
>Nope!
>No old, gross cougars for you!
>About a minute passed in relative silence
>Though the radio continued to blast the latest pop song, not a single one of you said a word

>Anon appeared to be frozen in place, staring out of your window toward the principal's house like he had just seen the gates of heaven
>You were beginning to get worried
>And, from the looks on the other fella's faces, so were they
"...Anon? Is everything alright there buddy?" you asked, placing a hand on his shoulder
>Anon jumped at the contact
>He looked down at your hand before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cellphone
>He stared at it for a long moment, before looking back up at you with tears in his eyes
>Ohshit!
>You did something wrong!
>He was going to cry!
>If he started crying you wouldn't be able to handle it and YOU'D start crying
>And you knew Big Mac was a crier too, so he'd probably--
>"Caramel?" Anon said quietly, slowly, calmly. "You wouldn't happen to have a ladder lying around, would you?"
>...
>What?
>You blinked, a little thrown off by the out-of-left-field question
"Well, um, I think so?" You said. "My mom probably has a ladder or something down in the basement… Why?"
>A joyful, happy, ecstatic smile came to Anon's face
>Before you could do a thing, he pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms around your head and pressing your cheek against his chest
>W-Was...
>Was this manly whimsy that you were feeling?
>Was Anonymous being whimsical?
>For YOU?
>Your green classmate looked back out of the window as he began to run a hand through your hair
>"...We're going to do great things tonight, boys," he said breathlessly, leaning down to give the top of your head a kiss. "Great, great, GREAT things..."

>Be Principal Celestia
>Otherwise known as Celestia when you were off the clock
>Which you were
>Thank the maker
"Ugh..."
>It had been a loooooooong day at school
>Long and boring and filled with nothing but meetings and powerpoints and quacks that the school board brought in to "help enrich your teaching portfolios"
>You swear to god if that one speaker hadn't been a man, you would have gotten up and punched him right in his smug, conceited mouth
>Stupid act-eighty days...
>The kids should have at least been there with you so that they could suffer a bit too…
>But no, THEY had the freakin’ day OFF!
>You sighed as you stomped your way into your bedroom
>Today had been a particularly bad day of powerpoints
>You, along with all of the teaching staff, had been forced to sit there until SEVEN THIRTY before you were allowed to leave
>You were hungry
>You were tired
>Your head hurt
>You felt dirty in every sense of the word
>And you wanted some MOTHERFUCKING PIZZA
>Your sister, who was in your kitchen at that very moment drinking heavily--as she did after the end of every act-eighty day--had already ordered the two of you enough pizzas to last through doomsday, so that was covered
>Sleep could wait, and you were already feeling a bit better back in your house away from the school
>Which meant that all you needed to do was take off your suit, shower, and put on some PJ's and you'd feel like half a women again
"LUNA! YOU BETTER HAVE GOTTEN PINEAPPLE LIKE I ASKED!" you yelled as you kicked off your high heels and all but tore off your coat
>"THEY WERE OUT OF IT!" Luna yelled back, which was immediately followed by the sound of a bottle slamming against the countertop
>Oh boy...
>It sounded like she had brought out the Jameson...
>This was going to be a fun night...
>You frowned as you began to unbutton the top your blouse
"YOU LIAR! THEY'RE NEVER OUT OF PINEAPPLE!" you yelled back
>"THEY NEVER RUN OUT BECAUSE PINEAPPLE IS SHIT ON PIZZA!"

>...
>Fucking Luna and her shit taste...
>Shaking your head, you all but tore off your blouse and tossed it away
>You then made your way toward your personal bathroom, pulling off your skirt in the process
>You were going to use all of the hot water
>THAT'D show her
>Yeah...
>AND you'd pour the rest of her Jameson down the sink and replace it with root beer
>Scratching your ass, you flicked on your bedroom light and stepped inside
>Closing the door behind you, you walked over to your small but useable shower and turned the lever
>Instantly, water began pouring from the showerhead
>You quickly took a step back, standing back up to your full height and stretching
"Hmm..."
>Oh boy, did momma need a nice, long shower after the day she had today...
>Bouncing on your heels, you quickly undid your bra and tossed it to the floor
>Your panties were next, leaving you in nothing but your socks
>Your sweet Magnum P.I socks
>You looked down at them, smirking as you nodded your head
>Yeah...
>Best twenty dollars you ever spent...
>You were just about to reach down and pull them off when you stopped and looked up at your mirror
>In it, you could see your naked body in all of its... glory?
>Frowning gently, you looked yourself over with a critical eye
>...
>All-in-all, you'd like to think that you aged pretty well
>Your stomach was still as flat as it was when you were in college
>Your breasts were still as perky and blemish free as they had always been
>...Sure, they were still a bit too big, and no matter what way you moved you could see your ass sticking out, and you were a giant of a woman, but you still looked pretty good

>...
>Yep...
>Still as giant and assy with huge boobs like you've always been...
>Smiling ruefully, you flexed in the mirror
"I don't know what Luna's talking about," you muttered, striking a pose. "I could get any guy that I wanted..."
>You bounced on your heels, sending your tits flying in all directions
"They should be running over each other to get a load of THIS!"
>You flexed again, gritting your teeth and shaking slightly
>I'mbiggerthanyouandyoushouldknowit.jpg
>You were able to hold the position for a few seconds before explosively exhaling and sinking into yourself a bit
>...
>Yep
>You were man material all right...
>Half-heartedly using your hands to do the Million Dollars Hyper Combo to yourself, you stepped into your shower, making sure to close the curtain behind you
>The moment that the hot water ran over your tired, achy body you groaned
"Oh sweet stars above did I need this," you murmured, leaning forward to soak your face and hair. "This was just what the docto--"
>"Will you guys quit fucking around?! You're going to make me fucking fall goddammit!"
>Your head nearly hit the ceiling as a voice came from RIGHT outside of your window
>WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
>WHO WAS THERE?!
>WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST TAKE A SHOWER IN FUCKING PIECE?!
>Without a second thought, you looked through the window
>It was dark out
>Off in the distance, you could see the eerie yellowish glow of the streetlights
>For a few seconds, you couldn't see a thing
>But then there was movement
>A lot of it
>"Anon! We shouldn't be doing this, we're going to get in TROUBLE!"

>"No we're not, you big baby."
>"But what if they SEE us?!"
>They're not going to see YOU, dummy. You're holding the ladder."
>"You know what I MEAN!"
>"Trust me, I'll be fine. I'll take a few pictures, come back down, and we can all go back and relax and I can get even more plastered off these girly drinks."
>"But why do you even want pictures of HER? She's just some gross old lady!"
>"HEY! You shut the fuck up! She's a majestic swan with a rocking pair of tits and an ass you could get lost in!"
>"Aren't you dating?"
>"What? Can't I jack off by myself every once in awhile?"
>”Well, what about your shirt? What the heck happened to that?!”
>”...What about “even more plastered” didn’t you understand?” 
>You could see one of your students not five feet from your window
>It was... Anonymous?
>Narrowing your eyes, you saw that it, in fact, was him
>The young man was perched precariously on top of a ladder
>He was wearing a pair of slim-fit blue pajama bottoms with no shirt
>In one of his hands was a pitcher of some red beverage with a long silly straw coming out of it
>...
>Wat?
"Wat?”
>You must have been louder than you thought, because not a second after you spoke, Anon perked up
>Eyes wide, his head snapped toward the window, looking right at you
>"...Oh fuck me," you heard him mutter.
>He then smiled the biggest, fakest smile that you had seen all day
>And that was saying something
>"Hiya, Ms. Celestia, fancy seeing you here. Nice night out tonight, huh? Please don't call the co--HEY!"
>You gasped as the ladder that he was standing on top of began to sway dangerously
>Ohshithe'sgoingtofall!
"Anonymous!"

>"Fucking SHIT!"
>There was a series of yells from the ground before the ladder gave way
>Anon, with a yelp, was forced to leap toward the window
>For a horrible, stomach-turning second, he disappeared from your field of vision
>You nearly broke your neck leaning up and over your window
>Not able to see anything, you pushed up your window’s screen and poked your head outside
"Anonymous? Anonymous! Are you alright?!"
>Looking down, you saw a hand
>Leaning over a bit more, you saw Anon, his eyes wide, hanging from the edge of your window frame
>In your panic, you noticed that he was still holding his pitcher in a hand
>"Big Mac! Caramel! Thunderlane! You motherfuckers! You putzy pieces of shit! HOW COULDN’T YOU HOLD A LADDER FOR FIVE SECONDS?!"
>He looked down at the ground before letting out a groan
>"Goddammit! I'm going to die from my need to take pictures of naked women! The fucking gypsy was right!"
>You poked your head back into the shower, heart racing
>He was going to fall!
>Hurt himself!
>You had to do something!
>Mind racing, you reached out a hand
"Anonymous! Drop the pitcher and grab my hand! I'll pull you in!"
>Though you didn't see it, Anonymous looked back up at the window
>"...Oh, Ms. Celestia. You're still there!" he said with a high-pitched squeak. "That's nice. Sorry about all of this. Once again, please don't call the cops."
"I'm not going to call anyone! Now drop that pitcher and grab my hand right this second, mister!"
>"...But muh slushie wine cooler."
"DROP. IT."
>Anon did not, in fact, drop it
>Somehow, the young man managed to place the pitcher's handle in between his teeth before grabbing your hand
>Using your foot to turn off your shower you, dripping wet and as naked as a jaybird, helped him through the window into your bathroom

>It took some work, and it didn't help any that your body was shaking from the adrenaline, but even so you had him halfway through that little window in record time
>You hadn't the foggiest idea what the HELL he had been doing
>At this point you didn't even care
>You just wanted to get him in here where it was safe
>THEN you could start asking questions
>And possibly call the police
>...Though, now that you thought about it, it may not be a very good idea to call the cops when you're about to have a half-naked high school boy in your house...
>No
>Don't think about that now
>You have a teenager to save
"Come on, Anonymous," you said as you yanked on his arm. "You're almost--"
>Since he was a BIT heavier than he looked, you miscalculated your last tug and accidently sent him face-first into your shower
>You were about to yell, about to bend down and see if he was alright, but before you could so much as open your mouth he was on his feet
>He was soaking wet and dazed and he looked a little drunk, but he was on his feet
>"I'm alright, I'm alright," he quickly said, looking around the bathroom. "My face took most of the fall, and I’m drunk so I can’t really feel pain all that much."
>He looked down at his pitcher, which had somehow managed to find its way into his hand
>”Hey, will you look at that, I didn't spill any of my wine cooler! This is a nice bathroom you got here, Ms. Celestia. Are those tiled floors?"
>He took a quick step away from you, looking down
>"...Yep, those are tiled floors," he said, nodding his head. "Very nice. You know, I got the same--"
>Seeing what he was trying to do, you frowned
"Anonymous. Just WHAT do you think you were doing on that ladder?" you demanded. "In fact, what were you doing on my property?!"
>Anonymous, frowning, looked down at his feet before looking back up at you

>"I was next-door at a sleepover. We all saw you turn on the light, and one of the guys at the sleepover said that this was your house, so I decided to come over to see if I could take a few naked pictures of you or possibly of your sister. And maybe borrow a pair of your panties to do dirty things to"
>Your frown deepened
"Do you honestly expect me to believe such a pitiful ex--"
>When his words finally registered, your mouth snapped shut
"I, um... what did you say?" you asked, unsure if you had heard right
>That was when Anonymous looked over at you, suddenly making you very aware that you were naked and were doing nothing to cover yourself
>"Yep, I came over here to take naked pictures of you to jerk off with," he said bluntly, his voice slightly slurred, as his eyes roamed over your body
>You opened your mouth
>You then closed your mouth
>You...
>You honestly didn't know what to say to that…
>What COULD you even say to that?
>...
>Were you angry?
>Flattered?
>Worried?
>As you stood there, mouth agape, Anonymous's eyes traveled up and down your body shamelessly
>You could see the hunger in his eyes, and his satisfaction at what he was seeing
>...
>Yep
>There are a bit of flattery there in the midst of it all
"I, um... why?" you lamely asked
>Anonymous looked up from your groin and into your eyes
>"Because you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen," he said with that same bluntness, that same honesty
>You could feel a part of your brain short circuit
>But still, you could feel your chest puffing out just a bit
"Well... You're still in a LOT of trouble... But thank you," you said with the smallest of smiles, covering your groin with a hand
>The look on Anonymous's face as you did that almost made you want to lift it away
>Almost
>But he was still a teenager and you were a thirty-five year old woman
>And momma wasn’t going to jail today
>Still, the young man smiled
>"Hey, you're very welcome," he said

>He then looked past you
>"Hey, what the heck is that?" he asked, lifting a hand up to point
>You almost groaned
>What now?!
>You looked back, expecting to see someone ELSE poking his head through the window
>You didn't see anything
>But you did hear something that sounded like someone taking a picture
>Whipping around, you saw that Anonymous was standing near your bathroom door
>He was sipping on his manly drink
>On top of his head were you panties
>In his free hand was a phone
>A phone pointed right at you
>"Well, it's great seeing you, ma'am," he said, quickly backing up opening the door as your eyes widened. "Hope you have a good weekend. Sorry about interrupting your shower like that. Don't call the cops. Please."
>Quickly snapping another picture, he quickly darted out of the bathroom and into the hall
>"AlrightIgottagoseeyabye!" he yelled, his feet pounding against your wooden floor as he ran as fast as he could
>He managed to take two steps before you heard a loud bang
>”FUCK! Fucking stubbed my toe. Goddamn wall…”
"Anonymous!" you shouted. "Anonymous! You get back here right now, young man!"
>Of course, like you were expecting, no answer came
>...Huh
>A small smile came to your lips as you sighed
>You then looked down at yourself, then at your reflection
>Be Luna
>A very tipsy Luna
>A very angry, tipsy Luna that was rushing upstairs to see what all of the shouting was about
>Half of the neighborhood was going to be knocking on your door if you didn’t stop whatever it was Celestia was doing

>Honestly…
>After the day that you had
>What was she even--
>”Oh, hello, Vice-Principal Luna. You’re looking wonderful today. Nice weather, huh? Don’t call the cops please.”
>One of your students, as quick as a flash, bolted down your stairs
>Your head whipped around--an act that nearly sent you falling down the stairs--just in time to see him race toward the door, throw it open, and dart out into the night
>...
>What the fuck?
“...Celestia?” you called, racing up the stairs and into her room. “Celestia!”
>Seeing that her bathroom door was wide open, you raced toward it
“Celestia, I heard screaming and I just saw one of our STUDENTS run out the door! What the hell!”
>You trailed off as you poked your head into the bathroom
>There was your sister, buck-naked, smiling that smile
>That smug, shitty grin that gave you a headache
>...
>Goddammit
>You frowned as your sister’s grin grew
>”Hey Luna~” she sing-songed. “Remember when a certain SOMEONE said that I would never get a man eating all the cake that I do? Remember when you got blown the fuck out that one time?”
>Your sister rocked on her heels, sending her breasts bouncing
>”Well, have I got a story for YOU.”
>...
>This was bullshit…
>The MOST bullshit...