zizema16

CHAPTER ONE

 

Day 6575 on earth.

 

        It's the day after your eighteenth birthday. You have been watching the show for about a year, and you feel that it's time to tell your biased republican extremist Christian parents that you like it. (That's a terrible decision, I know, but you are blinded by love and tolerance.)

 

        You say to them, "Mom, Dad. I like My Little Pony." Your little sister hears this and snickers.

 

        (Insert awkward silence here)

 

        "Well okay then," your dad says in his old, redneck voice.

 

        You go to bed wondering if you should have told them. (SPOILER: You shouldn't have). The next day, you go to school like any other day; your parents don't mention your enjoyment of the show.

 

        You come home early, and your parents aren't there. You walk to the kitchen to get a snack, and you notice something strange on the counter. Multiple brochures, all appearing to be for the same thing are spread out on the counter. You look closer.

 

        "A STRAIGHT CAMP?!" you yell, frustrated at your parents.

 

        Bitch mode: activated. BITCH ASS NIGGAS TRYIN' TO SEND ME TO A MOTHERFUCKIN' STRAIGHT CAMP? You calm down. You sit down to do your math homework. Fuck derivatives. When you finish your homework, as always, you go to the only site that understands you. 4chan. You make a post on /mlp/ about your whole story, in caps lock, I might add, and a couple people reply with "fuck off to ponychan" et al. You are just about to reply, when you hear the sound of your garage door opening.

 

        It's your parents. You know that they're going to talk to you about it. You curse the thought.

 

        "Anonymous Legion, come up here right now," your mom yells, "I have to talk to you."

 

        "What is it?" you ask, pretending you don't know what's coming.

 

        You can FEEL the awkwardness in the room. Your mom says, "We've been looking into this 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' thing on the Internet, and we don't like what we see."

 

        "We think that you're gay, and you know how we feel about gay people," your dad interrupts. We just think it'd be best for you if you went to this here straight camp. They even have a chapel so you can talk to the Lord about this whole thing. Some people thing it's satanic, but we are reasonable people." (Yeah right.)

 

        You begin to ramble, "I can't believe you guys. Just because I have a weird interest doesn't mean that I'm a 'gay faggot who needs to burn in hell'. Dad's into JPOP and you don't rag on him for liking it, so why me? You know what? I can do whatever I want; I'm eighteen now, for the record. So, FUCK YOU." You run to your room and the sound of the door slamming echoes through the house. You wish you could be in Equestria.

 

        You know those anon in Equestria threads aren't real, but you hope that they are, because you need miracle to get through this mess.

 

WARNING: CLICHE INCOMING!

 

        But that night, the stars aligned, and you didn't know what was happening. To you, it was just a dream.

 

        You awake attached to several different machines, none of which you can recognize. It's kind of like that scene in X-Men, when wolverine wakes up, but there is no strangling going on here. You can hear the muffled voice of Twilight,

 

        "We should probably check on the alien again," she says.

 

        Spike replies, "Again? But we just checked on him 15 minutes ago."

 

        "Spike, how many times have you come in contact with a alien before?

 

        "Uhh-"

 

        "Exactly! We have to monitor everything that goes on with that thing"

 

        You try to sit up, but you are strapped down.

 

        Twilight says, "So, we check on him now, and every 15 minutes until he--"

 

        Twilight gasped, "He's awake!" she shouted eager to learn about me.

 

        "Umm, I'd appreciate it if you would untie me," you say.

 

        "Oh, sorry about that. So, I had my friend Rarity make you an outfit, so you can go out in public." You look down. You notice that you are not wearing any clothes. "So, put that on, an I will be waiting right outside this door."

 

        You put on the outfit; it's a little snug, but it works. The reality of all of this hits you and you are blown away by what just happened. You think to yourself, "Holy shit, I'm in Equestria."

 

        When you walk through the door, you are greeted with streamers, champagne poppers, and balloons. You are startled. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that, " said Pinkie, "But don't you just love parties?" she exclaims.

 

        "Yeah, sure, I guess," you say, wondering if or if not this will come back to haunt you.

 

        You look around the room. Everyone is nervous and tries to make good impressions on you. Rarity is the first to break the silence, "Don't you just love that outfit? I mean, I've never worked on aliens before, but I must say, it is marvelous, don't you think?"

 

        "I really like it; I mean, it's better than walking around naked all the time," you look around the room again, "no offense. Oh and by the way, my species is called a human, and my name is Anonymous, but you can call me Anon. So, how'd you find me?"

 

        "Oh, um," you hear Fluttershy say quietly, "I found you in my backyard, while I was feeding my chickens. You just fell from the sky, and I didn't know much about alie- humans, so I took you to Twilight.

 

        "So, where will I be sleeping?" you ask.

 

        "Since we couldn't decide," Rainbow Dash starts, "Well, you can't live with me, because I live on a cloud. You can't live with Applejack because Braeburn is staying over. Rarity is busy with an order, and she could barely make your outfit. Pinkie needs to help babysit the cake twins, so that leaves Fluttershy and Twilight."

 

        You think about this and you can't decide.

 

CHAPTER TWO

 

        "Um, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy says, "I can't have Anon over because um-- Angel's really sick. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take care of her for a while." You can tell that Fluttershy's lying, and just wants not to have you over, but you understand it. Fluttershy is the most shy of them all, and you suppose that she must be shy around aliens as well.

 

        "That's okay, Fluttershy," Twilight says, "I can take care of Anon." She looks at you. "I can learn a lot about Anon's species, and it's always nice to have company." They start to talk with one another, and it appears that you are expected to say something or do something. You clear your throat. They all look at you.

 

        "You can all leave, if you want…" you say. Fluttershy dashes out of the room like she needs to go somewhere and she is an hour late. Applejack and Pinkie leave the room, and they both say goodbye. Rarity and Dash leave next. Twilight stays for some reason.

 

        "So, um, Anon, would you like a tour of Ponyville?" she asks.

 

        "Not right now," I say. She looks dejected. "I will want to though later on. I'm just going to walk around and meet people. You can come, if you like."

 

        "Okay!"

 

        As soon as you walk out the door, you are tackled by a pale green unicorn. "Whoa!" you shout, "What was that for?"

 

        "Sorry," she says, "I just heard there was an alien in town and I really really really wanted to meet one." She steps off of you. "I'm Lyra, by the way." She reaches out to pull you up.

 

        "Thanks," you say. She trots away.

 

        "That pony is obsessed with alie-humans. Gosh, I've got to stop calling you that. She thinks that she's been to your world. I don't know if you believe that, but I certainly don't."

 

        You continue to walk around town, telling twilight all about the characters, or in this world, people that you know. Amazingly, she isn't surprised that you know all of them. Some of the ponies freak out at the sight of you; you're like Luna from "Luna Eclipsed".  After you meet a lot of people, you go back to Twilight's place. Spike is at the door.

 

        "Hey Twilight," he says, he sees you. "Whoa! Sorry, I didn't see you and I'm not used to having alie--" Twilight clears her throat. "I mean humans in the house, so, sorry."

 

        "Hey it's okay, I would freak out if I was you too,” you say.

 

        "Spike, could you please bring out another bed?" Twilight asks, "Anon can't sleep on the floor." Spike goes to the basement. Celestia's sun is setting, and Spike comes back from the basement. He lays out a thin mattress on the floor, next to Twilight's bed. You are tired as fuck, and apparently, so is she. You both crawl into your beds, and say good night to each other. You fall asleep almost instantly.

 

        You awake to the sound of a rooster. Wait, a rooster? Twilight doesn't have roosters. You look out of her circular window to find none other than Fluttershy, chasing the rooster around Twilight's backyard. You open the window. "What's going on?" you ask Fluttershy.

 

        She is startled and looks at you. "Oh! Anon! Sorry, I didn't see you there. Also, sorry for the rooster. I really must repair that fence," she says.

 

        Twilight wakes up and walks to the window. "What is it?" she asks half asleep.

 

        "Fluttershy's rooster got loose."

 

        "Again? That's like the third time this week!"

 

        Fluttershy interrupts, "I know, I should really repair that fence, I just can't get around to it."

 

        "I'll help you fix your fence, Fluttershy," you tell her, "I mean, I don't have anything to do today."

 

        "Oh, thank you, Anon!"

 

        Twilight yawns. "I think I'll go back to sleep," she says tiredly, "you should go help Fluttershy now." You nod, and she nods off. You quietly walk down the steps of the library, and walk outside. You decide to stop by Rarity's place, to pick up more clothes for you, if she has.

 

        "Welcome to Rarity's boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!" she says, "Oh! It's you, Anon. What can I do for you?"

 

        "Do you have any more clothes that I can wear?"

 

        "Well of course! Do you think that I would let you spend however long amount of time in equestrian with just one outfit? Oh heavens no!" She uses her unicorn magic to bring you 2 more pairs of pants, and three shirts.

 

        "Thank you!"

 

        When you get to the tre- I mean Fluttershy's house, you hear her yelling at Angel. "YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THIS CASSEROLE, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" You knock on the door. "H-hello?" she says as she is opening the door. "Hi, Anon! Sorry for the yelling, um I guess that I was taking Iron Will's lessons a little too seriously." She laughs nervously. "So, you are here to fix the fence?"

 

        "Eeyup!"

 

        "Well that's perfect, there are tools back there along with the fencing itself." You go to the backyard, but something is telling you to inquire about where she was yesterday.

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

        You walk through her humble abode, looking at the walls. Several portraits of her parents are there; you wonder where they are now. You get to the backyard, and hear someone at the door. You don't think it was anything, so you continue with your work. In terms of fences, this one is pretty simple, all you need to do is nail up three wooden planks, and then put Scootaloo wire, I mean chicken wire (no pun intended) on the outside. You finish your work quickly, and go back inside to use the bathroom, but you're not really using the bathroom, you're investigating. You hear something in Fluttershy's room.

 

        "Oh, Dashie!" you hear Fluttershy moan. She's with Dash? It's not that bad of a pairing to be honest, one's overly submissive, and the other overly dominant. Opposites attract, right? You keep this in your repertoire of pony gossip, which at this point, only contains that one, solitary, juicy piece. No more movement. Fluttershy opens the door. Quickly, you run to the backyard and pretend to be working.

 

        "See you next week," she snickers, "Dashie." She walks to the back yard. She remembers that you are still working. "Anon, did you hear that?" she asks frightened.

 

        "Hear what?" you say trying to hide the fact that you know she's with Dash now.

 

        "Never mind," she says, "I guess if you're done with the fence, you can head home."

 

        "Okay," you say. Being with Dash must be the reason why she left so early. That doesn't make sense, though. There must be something else going on in Fluttershy's life. You head over to Twilight's house, your stomach growling along the way. You're really hungry.

 

        When you arrive at Twilight's house, she is organizing her bookshelf. How many times must she re-organize that behemoth of a library? She hears you walk in, and says, "Anon, Rarity invited you to lunch in," she looks at her watch, "15 minutes. You should go."

 

        "I will. Do you know where Fluttershy was headed after that little meeting we had yesterday?" you ask.

 

        "I don't know; my guess is that she went to be with her boyfriend, Dr. Whooves." Boyfriend? Fluttershy is bi? And having an affair? Wow, Fluttershy is messed up.

 

        Rarity invited you to a fabulous bistro. You sit in the open air seating area, reminiscent about your trip to Paris. "So," she says, "I just thought it would be nice for you to get a taste of Ponyville. Isn't this place just marvelous?" To admit that it wasn't marvelous would be a lie. "I hear you're the handyman in town now."

 

        "Not really," you start, "I just fixed Fluttershy's fence. Hey on the topic, you'll nee guess what I found out when I was over there."

 

        "What did you find out?" she asks, hungry for the savory taste of the juicy gossip mentioned earlier.

 

        "Well, you can't tell anyone," she nods her head, "but Fluttershy's having an affair!"

 

        "With whom?"

 

        "Rainbow Dash." Her eyes widen.

 

        "You're kidding!" she exclaims. "Oh my gosh!"

 

        The waiter comes to your table; you see if they have meat. Surprisingly, they do. It's only pork, but since all other animals can talk, I guess it's inhumane to kill them for food. You order the pork chops, and the rest of the lunch goes by so fast. Even though you hated Rarity in the show, you grew to like her when you saw her actual personality.

 

        You get back to Twilight's house. She is dressed as a psychologist (Like from Lesson zero) and leads you to a room astonishingly similar to a shrink's room on earth. "What is all this for?" You ask, knowing that you wont get a succinct answer.

 

        "This is so that I can learn all about humans." That made sense. If an alien came to earth, people would want to ask it questions.

 

        "What do you want to know?"

 

        "Okay, so I know you are a male, because I have seen you…" she blushes, "I just know you are a male. So what do the female humans look like?" You draw her a picture; let's face it, you're a crappy drawer (no offense to good drawers) but you think she'll get it.

 

        "How does your kind reproduce?" she asks fighting the war against awkwardness everywhere.

 

        "Just like yours, only with humans I guess."

 

        "How do you know how we reproduce?" Poker face. You've read too many clopfics.

 

        "Uh, lets just say that we have horses on earth," you say, hoping that it is a good answer.

 

        You talk about history, and other boring human stuff until around 5:00 pm or as they say in equestrian, uno hora ante solem occasum.

 

        You haven't seen Applejack lately, and you start to wonder where she is.

 

CHAPTER 4

 

        "Well, that wraps up our session today," Twilight says, implying that there will be many more. "Do you have any questions for me?"

 

        "Actually, I do. Do you know of a good place to eat?"

 

        "Well, there is this fantastic seafood place downtown," she uses her unicorn magic to get a map from a shelf. "It's right here," she says as she points to a building on the south side of town."

 

        "Great. Thanks!" You walk out the door. Ponyville has been a nice place in the 36 hours or so that you have been there. It's not all peachy, like the show makes it out to be; there are real people and they have real problems.

 

        When you arrive at the restaurant, a lime green unicorn, with a cutie mark of a plate, greets you at the front. "Welcome to Sasha's Savory Seafood. Table for one?"

 

        "Yeah."

 

        The strange thing is that she doesn't even look at you funny, like you would expect. It's like she is used to other species coming into the restaurant. You get a table near the back of the restaurant, and look at the menu. It's just like seafood that you would get at any seafood place in America. Shrimp, squid, lobster, and of course, fish. You order what appears to be grilled salmon. It's the most succulent, tender, and savory piece of fish you've ever tasted. Man, these ponies sure know how to cook.

 

        You finish your meal, pay 15 bits, which I assume converts into around 30 American dollars, and leave the restaurant. It's already dark. It's around 6:30, and even though Ponyville has electricity, you decide to call it a night, and head back to what you accept to be your house.

 

        When you enter, Twilight is just finishing up a letter to Celestia, "… your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. Hey Anon, good food, huh?" You rub your stomach to signal yes. "

       

        You crawl into bed as she snuffs out the last candle, and turns off the last light. "Good night, Anon."

 

        "Good night." Of all the ponies, you feel distanced the most from Twilight. You've been living in her house, and you barely know her. You feel sorry for her; she probably wants to know you but is too shy to try. You put a note in your head to resolve this issue, but for now, you need to sleep, and then find out what's going on with Applejack.

 

        You wake up an hour or so after sunrise. God, you really need a watch. Twilights dusting the floor. "Morning, Twilight," you say.

 

        "Good morning, Anon."

 

        You put on some different clothes, and take a moment to admire the place. You're in the best library ever. "Breakfast is on the counter over there, it's waffles." Mmmmm. Waffles. You eat the waffles rather quickly, put your dishes in the sink, and then head toward the door.

 

        "Where are you going?" she asks.

 

        "I'm going to Sweet Apple Acres; I hear it's almost the end of Zap Apple Jam season."

 

        "Okay."

 

        Sweet Apple Acres is only a 15-minute walk outside of town. Not bad, considering that the nearest farm to your old house on earth was an hour drive. When you get there, there are only two people in line, and only 5-10 jars left.

 

        "Good Morning, Anon," she says with that classic country voice of hers, reminding you of your bout with your parents at your old house. The two people leave, and you ask Applejack, "May I have a jar please?"

 

        "Sure, that'll be 2 bits."

 

        "Isn't that a little low?"

 

        "Well, the season is almost over, and the jam ain't gonna keep 'till next year."

 

        She hands you the jar. "So, nopony else seems to be coming; do you wan to go inside?"

 

        "Sure," You walk to the barn. You open the door, and are greeted by none other than Pinkie.

 

        "Surprise!" she shouts. You jump back a little. "I thought you said you liked parties,” she says, sadly.

 

        "I do, it's just I'm not used to surprises."

 

        "Don't they throw parties back at your home?" she asks.

 

        "They do, but it's not this type of party."

 

        "Hey, we should invite twilight over," you say

 

        "Yeah! She has been anti-social lately," says Pinkie.

 

        "Yeah, I live in her house and I don't know much about her."

 

        "I'll go get her," Applejack says. She runs off with great speed to get Twilight."

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

        Now it's just you and Pinkie. Awkward silence approaching rapidly. It's almost at the finish line. OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING NOW, OR ELSE!

 

        "So," you start, "What happened since the whole dessert ordeal?"

 

        "What'cha talking about?"

 

        "You know, the whole incident when Dash, Flutters, and Rarity all took a bite of the cake, and you ended up with first prize?"

 

        "Oh! Not much has happened since then, but we are all looking forward to going to the big royal wedding next week. I think that Cadence is a pegasus. She totally had horn implants," she said.

 

        "Wow, there really is a lot of gossip in Ponyville," you say, as you start to hear something. It's the rest of the mane six! Dash is carrying Twilight, Applejack is on her own, and Flutters is carrying Rarity. Why are they all here?

 

        "Why are you all here?" you ask, hoping that it isn't something bad.

 

        Fluttershy reaches for her saddlebag. She pulls out a small satchel; it's about half as big as your school bag. You wonder what this could be for. She tosses it to you. You open the bag. On the top, there is a note that reads, "Anon, you are always in our hearts."

 

        Your parents think you're dead! You feel so sorry for them, and wish you could tell them that you were all right. You continue to read the letter. "We're so sorry, about everything."

 

        You pause for a second. You realize the last words you said to them were fuck you. You start to tear up. Fluttershy notices immediately.

 

        "Are you okay?" she asks.

 

        "Yeah, " you say, and sniffle, "it' just that my parents think I'm dead!" Everyone is shocked. You put the note back into the bag. You reach for anything else that's in there. On the top is your tablet PC. When you were back home, you used it like a laptop. All of your schoolwork, and that fanfic you were working on were on there. You place that on the ground.

 

        Next there were your two favorite novels: The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green, and Nick of Time, by Ted Bell. Both of these novels' margins are filled with your notes and interactions. You wonder why these are in there.

 

        Next you find a blank notebook. You presume that it is to keep a log of what happens in heaven. Wait, heaven. Holy crap, is this heaven? It doesn't look like heaven, but is it? You need to find this out, so on the first page of your journal, you write, "IS THIS HEAVEN?"

 

        You put the things back into the bag, but Rainbow Dash can't get enough of that tablet. She lets go, and you put it back into the bag. One of them saw your handwriting. It was Twilight.

 

        "You write weird," she says.

 

        "I know, my handwriting sucks," you start.

 

        "No, these characters don't look like our language. You speak the same, but your writing is different. Write hello." You write hello, and point to the letters and make different sounds accordingly. She does the same. Their lettering is kind of like japanese; there is a character for a consonant and a vowel together.

 

        Twilight leads you back to her house, eager to learn how to write in english. You teach her the vowels first.

 

        "The first vowel is a. a looks like this," you say, writing out the capital and the lower case, "and it sounds like ay, uh, ah, or aw" you repeat this for the rest of the vowels, and after an hour she gets it.

 

        "I'm beat," she says, letting out a sigh, "you wanna eat somewhere?"

 

        "Sure," you say. (God, I have so many eating scenes.)

 

        You walk past Sugarcube Corner, and you see a help wanted sign. You decide to go there later. You get to an italian deli. You order a haw swiss and mayo, toasted, on wheat brad, and she orders a BLT, with no bacon.

 

        You sit down. Twilight swallows a bit of the sandwich and says, "So, I noticed you were looking at that help wanted sign."

 

        "Yeah, I just need a way to make money. I can't live off of you guys forever."

 

        "Understandable. You know a lot about baking?"

 

        "Not really, but I can follow instructions well, and I have hands."

 

        "Okay." You finish the sandwich, say goodbye to Twilight, and head out the door. You walk back to the Sugarcube Corner, and when you walk in, Mrs. Cake is bustling around the kitchen.

 

        "Who are you?" she asks.

 

        "Oh, I'm Anon, I'm here to apply for the job" you say

 

        "Okay," she says, "put on an apron, and the pay is 7 bits an hour"

 

        "Great, thanks!" you say, hurry to the kitchen, put on an apron, and wonder what all the fuss is about."