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Hoverboard Anon part 3

By: WiseWisp on Feb 9th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 25.51 KB | hits: 90 | expires: Never

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>Why.
>Why, god, why.
>”Because fuck you, anon, that’s why”
>Yeah, that’s the way that noodly motherfucker of a god would probably answer your question, its two meatballs and many spaghetti shaking with laughter.
>”…then he landed on the wing…and jumped from it and…”
>”...my own daughter has learnt inappropriate language from it and now all of her friends at school are imitating this…monkey’s talk…”
>”…if Commander Hurricane had seen how this monkey disrespected…”
>”Since he started coming here my son’s grades have started to drop and…”
>Fifteen minutes of this. For that time you’ve been listening to all these p0nies bitching you out. The pegasi, whom you now know to be visitors from Cloudsdale, are complaining about your lack of respect and total disregard for their cultural heritage or something like that. And those are the ones who seem content with talking. The others are silently glaring at you, bumping their hooves together and stomping in a threatening manner.
>That’s why you have power harnessed in your compressors right now, holding it just in case a quick escape is necessary. But again, these p0nies are pegasi. You hope none of them is as fast as Rainbow Dash, or you’d be biting the dust before you could go too far.
>Then you have the parents, who want you to stay away from their precious innocent foals, so you can stop corrupting them and ruining all the expensive fancy education they’re being provided with.
>One of the guards has begun to write down all the complaints as he listens, a notebook held in hoof and a pencil in his mouth, again making you wonder how they manage to do that…the hoof thing you mean.
>Pony physics, ain’t gotta explain shit, you suppose.
>But fortunately, you’re not all alone in this. Some of the pegasi, specially the more impressionable and younger ones, are standing up for you. You smile when you see a tiny winged p0ny flap about and begin to argue with one of their parents.
>”But, mum, you got to agree…that was amazing!”
>”Listen, son, I don’t care how “amazing” that was! The point is…”
>”Aww, c’mon, mummy, “ the little pegasus roll his eyes, “not even twenty minutes ago you were saying that the statue didn’t do any justice to Commander Hurricane!”
>”Well…I…”
>”He’s got a point there, you know! ,” another pegasus, a teenager by her looks, joins the parallel conversation, “after all, this monument is so lame compared to the one in Cloudsdale History Hall…”
>You turn your attention to another talk nearby.
>”If the Commander had seen how he…”
>”Well, I don’t know if you guys know…, “ the female griffon from earlier interrupts. Now you have the feeling this is going to get really interesting. She continues, “…but your Commander isn’t exactly around here anymore”
>”What are you suggesting?”
>”I’m saying that you should stop complaining so much about this Hurricane…she’s in the past, after all, and…”
>”And just because of that, we should forget about her?!”
>”Ha, what a hypocrite you turned to be, griffon! ,” another pegasus joins, an angry glint flashing in his eyes, “If this monkey had stepped on one of your national heroes, you wouldn’t be so forgiving about it!”
>Ok, now you feel that this is beginning to turn into a really heated debate. When you listen around you, your suspicions are confirmed.
>”…and besides, had you ever seen a monkey doing that sort of thing before? I say it pays off, dear”
>”Oh, shut it!”
>”I swear, guards, I heard that he’s an agent from Discord, who is trying to instill Chaos behind her Majesty’s back…”
>”C’mon, it’s just a bucking statue!”
>”Yes, a fine wouldn’t be enough, guards. He should be locked away in a zoo, where he belongs!”
>”Just a bucking statue? JUST A BUCKING STATUE?!?”
>”…besides, I’m sure your Hurricane would be flattered to have her effigy used that way, “the deep voice of a minotaur slips in, an unmistakable hint of mockery in it.
>”…Say what?! ,” replies a pegasus while taking off, with a look in her face you’ve seen in many p0nies before a bar fight ensues.
>”How dare you…?”
>”Cut it out, p0nies, you know it’s true”
>”It may be true for you…you shitty excuse of an oversized cow!”
>When the minotaur smiles fiercely, balls his fists and lowers his head to display his sharpened horns, you know shit just got real. It’s almost as if he was looking for an excuse to fight…oh, right, he’s a minotaur. Makes sense when you take into account the few things Celestia mentioned you about their culture and history.
>Ok, this has to stopped, before somep0ny…or some griffon or some minotaur, gets hurt. Clearing your throat, you prepare to get everyone’s attention.
“Ok, guys, listen…”
>Nothing changes so far.
”Ehem!”
>The same as before, but now, for some random reason, there is a pair of pegasus mares slapping the shit out of each other at the background. Surprisingly, the only ones who have turned their attention to the fight are a group of young stallions who are eyeing the scene with interest, smiling all the time. Yeah, catfights seem to have the same effect in here as they had back on Earth.
“Hey, you fuckers!! I’m trying to…”
>And now the minotaur from before has begun to launch a few tentative punches at some pegasi, who hover just above him, waiting for the right opportunity to strike down. Two of the royal guards are too busy dealing with an avalanche of complaining pricks from Classy Canterlot to stop this, and, unfortunately, the only guard available is now doing his best to stop the two fighting mares, but with little success.
>Well, shit.
>Seeing no other option left, you begin to advance through the increasing chaos towards the two nearer guards. Right now, the only think you want to do it’s to pay your fine or do whatever the guards require, so you are free to leave this place as soon as possible.
>It’s fairly easy for you to avoid the confronting minotaur and pegasi. You then jump over or pass by several group of startled p0nies who can only watch in awe and horror at the scene displayed in front of them. By now, several more fights have randomly erupted and cartoonish clouds of violence are rolling all around the entire place, hooves and p0nies’ angry faces occasionally protruding from them.
>Maneuvering around everyp0ny, always avoiding direct eye contact and keeping it cool, you manage to get to the ring of fancy-dressed Canterlot citizens that now surround two really desperate-looking royal guards. Pushing then the posh p0nies aside and ignoring their complaints, you make your way amidst them until you are right behind one of the royal guards.
>You gently pat him on the back of his armor to attract his attention. When he turns and sees you, he calls his companion and makes him turn so the two of them are now facing you, eyes sternly locked with yours. Around the three of you, p0nies quiet down and stare silently at the scene, waiting for something to happen. That effect, of course, only extends a few meters around, so the fights that were ensuing earlier still go on without a change. You spot the third royal guard, a unicorn, managing to pin down with his magic the two pegasus mares from before, much to the annoyance of the surrounding young pegasi stallions.
>Fucking voyeurs.
>You are about to clear your throat to speak, when one of the guards interrupts you.
>”What do YOU want now, troublemaker?”
“Well, officers…, “ you begin and both of the guards frown and appear confused at hearing that word, “I was just hoping to get all this trouble off my back, if you know wha…”
>”Out of your back, you say? Ha! ,” is one’s caustic reply. Ok, you may have not explained yourself in the best of possible ways. Now these guys think that you are desperate for getting away with this.
>”Listen, monkey,” the second says, and the insulting emphasis in the last word almost makes you feel angry…almost angry, “since you started coming here, complaints have been piling up in our office. Do you have any idea how many extra hours of work is that?”
>Royal guards working extra hours and having a complaint department? Wow. The gap between these guys and Earth’s police is widening over time.
>Still, you don’t like them.
“Not a clue, but…”
>”No buts! According to our database…, “ wait, now these p0nies can into computers? How?, “…you have committed thirty major infractions during this last week!”
>”Thirty-seven, if we count the ones we noted down today, ”continues the second guard, looking down to his notebook.
“Wow, I bet I broke this town’s record, didn’t I? ,” only you laugh at your own joke, while the glares the guards are giving you intensify. You continue to smile in an effort to shrug off the sudden environmental tension “Ok, ok, just kidding, officers. So, how much is it?”
>”What?”
“The fine, I mean. Ten bits, as usual, huh?”
>”Not so fast, monkey, “a guard says, with a cocky smile slowly twisting his lips. You don’t like one bit the look in his eyes, “It would normally be, yes, but since you have surpassed the limit…”
“Limit? What limit? ,” your own smile begins to vanish.
>What the fuck is this guy talking about? You don’t recall any limit mentioned when you talked about your shenanigans with Quake or the guys at the pub. Hell, not even Twilight, when she explained you Equestrian Law System during one of her famous and most unbearable rants, had made any references to a limit for infractions!
>”The new limit for major and minor infractions, of course, “ says one of the guards with a shit eating grin, “It is a reform of the Legal Code recently approved in Royal Court”
>Ok, now this is getting real weird. Let’s think.
>Thirty infractions this week in your profile as a regular offender, and the limit these guys just pulled out of their asses is that exact fucking number plus one. Ok, you may not be a smarty-pants, but you aren’t as dumb as to ignore the apparent connection. If the guards aren’t lying about this, then something wrong is going on. You ask:
“When was this approved?”
>”Yesterday, at Night Court Sess… ,” the guard answering is harshly interrupted when his buddy shoves a hoof up his mouth and glares at him.
>Approved yesterday night, so that you could surpass the limit today and hit the offence jackpot?
>Something ain’t right here.
>For an instance, this “reform” looks like it was made with you in mind and, the more you think about it, the more you think it really happened that way. It would be too much of a coincidence if it had happened otherwise.
>Someone in p0nyland wants to see you getting in deep trouble with law, and that someone, apart from keeping a track on your “criminal record”, seems to have connections with the establishment!
>Hell, things turned out real interesting all of a sudden.
>”So, a ten-bit fine you say, monkey?”
>”A fine, indeed, but ten bits, my flank”
“How much will it be then, officers? Eleven? Twelve? ,“ you put on a fake frightened pose, “will it be fifteen bits perhaps?”
>Whatever reform those p0ny politicians pulled out couldn’t be very harsh, right?
>”Six hundred bits”
>Aw shit.
Cadence’s POV.
>After what felt like an eternity, the carriage comes to a stop and you step out in front of the Castle’s entrance, battlements crowned with always vigilant royal guards, their eyes focused and spears ready. Two wide staircases part left and right, leading to the lower walls and flaking a wooden door that leads, if you remember well, to the Royal Hall, where Court is held.
>Only three months have passed since you departed from here to govern your beloved subjects in the Crystal Empire, but it feels like a much longer time.
>But, at last, you were here.
>And thankfully. If ten more minutes had passed with you, inside the carriage, listening to Blueblood complaining non-stop about the Human, you’re not sure if you would have been able to maintain your façade instead of forcing his mouth shut with your magic.
>Behind you, Prince Blueblood steps out of his vehicle.
“Thank you very much for this, Prince”
>”Oh, it was my pleasure, dear Cadence. No need to thank me for this small gesture of mine”
“It was nice talking with you, Prince Blueblood, “ you expertly lie, hiding your true feelings toward the rant you’ve been forced to hear on the way here, “perhaps we’ll meet at the Court one of these days”
>”I’m looking forward to it, Princess. There is much you have to tell me about your stay at the Empire”
“Of course, now, if you’ll excuse me” you begin to turn, before remembering something, “Pardon again, Prince Blueblood?
>”What is it, dear Cadence? ,” he inquires, one of his hooves already making its way, stepping inside the carriage.
“Is my husband around the Castle? It’s been a long time since his last leave”
>”I understand, Princess, but I’m afraid he is not,” you frown, visibly disappointed. It’s been almost a month since the last time you spend any time with your love. Blueblood continues:
>“Today Captain Armor was expected to oversee a training field trip for new guard recruits in the outskirts of our city, if I am not mistaken. Work has been keeping our beloved guard Captain very busy and so, he wasn’t informed of all the details of your arrival, dear Cadence. Most surely he did not even know you were arriving today”
“Do you know when he will return from this trip?”
>”I don’t know for sure, but I would say that in a few hours, likely after sunset”
“Oh...I see…,” you reply; lowering your head.
>You’ll have to wait before seeing him again. Blueblood notices your slightly sad expression and clears his throat to gain your attention.
>” I know that you will be quite busy getting acquainted with the Court and my beloved aunts, so, in the meantime, would you like me to inform him of your presence?”
>You ears perk up and a wide smile makes its way across your features.
“Would you do that, Prince Blueblood? I wouldn’t dream of bothering you for this…”
>”Bothering? Please, Princess. It is really nothing, just another small gesture, as a sign of our mutual respect and friendship”
“I’m really thankful. I owe you one, “ you can’t help but giggle when you use those same words Anonymous used today, after the “incident”.
>”Owe …one? What in Equestria does that mean?”
“Nothing, Prince Blueblood, “ you suppress your giggles, “just an expression I overheard today”
>Blueblood laughs affectedly, with a fake and hollow laughter of his own, before talking again.
>”Very well then, dear Cadence. I shall see you one of these next days”
“Have a nice evening, Prince, and thank you again”
>And with a slight bow of respect, you turn around and happily trot towards the wooden gates, two guards already opening them to allow you entrance to the Castle.
>Such a gentlecolt Blueblood has proved himself to be! Perhaps, despite his almost sickening obsession with the human Anonymous, he is a nicer stallion than you thought.
Blueblood’s POV.
>You carriage bumps as it advances, making its way from the castle to your residence. Celestia’s sun has already make much of its path through the sky and Luna’s night will come soon. You won’t have to wait for long until it’s time to meet Captain Armor.
>You are Blueblood, and everything is not going just as planned...in fact…everything is going better than planned!
>It was fairly easy to have the new reform approved at Night Court, where many of the Chamber members are just desperate to get home and back to sleep. In fact, you are sure none of them read the reform that was to be applied much carefully. And even with Luna’s presence, your beloved aunt has been away from the bureaucratic and political issues of this kingdom for such a long time that, when she read the text, she could so as much as everyone else. That is, signing the paper and giving it her approval.
>But this is just one of many changes you have thought about. If the monkey is to be kept in line, many more political maneuvers will be made over time, until he is incapable of doing anything outside certain boundaries…boundaries, of course, that you will have helped to define.
>And who could have imagined that the ape himself would help speed up this process with this morning’s incident?
>You felt outraged at this monkey’s recklessness when you found out about it, outraged at his carelessness and disregard for other p0nies, even for those of regal blood! You are determined now, more so after the accident, to make every effort to control this violent creature…this talking, hairless beast by the name of Anonymous.
>For Celestia’s sake, the monkey comes from another world, perhaps even from another dimension! Even when he is no avatar of chaos, neither a controller of powerful magic as you had first feared, he still is a strange element, something alien and outlandish, something that shouldn’t be here, but that is.
>You remember the reports you received, detailing Anonymous’ stories about the place where he comes from. Stories about a horrid planet called “Earth”, where magic is an old myth and animals are mindless beasts, where the sun, moon and stars revolt on their own through the sky and where the only sentient species is a bunch of dirty and psychotic apes.
>You cringe at those memories. Why don’t your aunts and others share your fears? How can they disregard this threat so completely? How can you be the only one that saw the peril Anonymous’ existence entailed?
>If this world is a carefully assembled chess game, the game’s rules and the movements of the different pieces established so long ago, then this Anonymous is nothing but an aberrant piece, with complete disregard for the rules, and provided with wild, dangerous and unpredictable movements of its own.
>That’s why thinking about the accident with the Crystal Princess makes you smirk. You have now a chance to boost the subduing of this rogue piece, provided by the unsuspecting piece itself.
>You have promised the Princess of Love you will talk with her husband.
>And that’s exactly what you intend to do. Yes, you will make sure the Captain of the Royal Guard is aware of his wife’s arrival… and of the many details of her arrival…especially aware of one certain detail, if his fellow guardsp0nies haven’t informed him yet.
Again Anon’s POV.
>Six hundred bits.
>Six hundred motherfucking bits.
>More than your monthly assignation from the endangered species’ fund thing.
>The words of the guard still reverberate in your ears and echo inside your brain. What the hell? How is this even possible? There is no way you can pay this. For a moment, you think they can…no, they must be lying to you…you know, just for fun. Only problem is…that these guys aren’t lying.
>The smirks in their faces and the arrogant glints in their eyes aren’t the ones you find in people who are simply making fun of you, but the ones in people who are making fun of you and know you can’t do shit about it.
>Doing a great effort, you compose yourself and give the guards a conciliating and friendly smile:
“Oh, c’mon, officers. Won’t I at least get a discount? I’m your best client, after all, am I not?”
>They don’t laugh one bit.
>”Yeah, very funny, monkey”
>”The reform states a hundred additional bits for every infraction beyond the limit”
>A hundred bits more for every…then you still have to pay…
>”Oh! I forgot, of course. It will be six hundred… AND ten bits”
>Dammit.
>”Now, if you don’t mind. The bits, please”
“I-I-don’t have that much with me, officers”
>”Hum, well, then it looks like you’re bound for a visit to the quarters, monkey. Unless you pay now, of course…”
>Several quiet cheers can be heard around you. The other classy p0nies, along with several pegasi from Cloudsdale, smile mockingly and eye the scene with silent approval in their eyes. As for you, you’re starting to get a bit angry. Ok, real mad, by now. For an instance, you’ve been ambushed by an unfair law that didn’t even exist until twelve hours ago. And now these fuckers, two fucking toy horses in gold-made medieval armor, are not only trying to get you with that, but making a fool of you.
>This gonna stop now.
>You put on your best “serious business” face and crouch slowly, very slowly, on your board until you are eye level with them. The guards’ smiles begin to falter when you crackle you knuckles and neck. It’s an easy trick that, for some reason, unnerves these p0nies to the extreme. You had learnt that during your first days in Equestria. You point at the guards.
“You two think I’m stupid, don’t you?”
>Silence, good.
“You two think I’m gonna put up with this shit, don’t you?”
>”How dare you…?!
>”Listen well, monkey,…”
“No, you listen, goldies, “ the last word makes them appear more angry.
>You’ve heard it from the slum p0nies, and it always has an effect on royal guards. It makes them know that some p0nies do not acknowledge them as stoic and proud soldiers, as defenders of the Crown or some bullshit like that, but as stupid pricks with an attitude problem.
“I don’t know if you really are that dumb, but trying to arrest someone for not carrying around a whole fucking salary is not only absurd, but also plain retarded. You wanna play like this, shit-heads? Ok, but I ain’t following you. If this is how you operate, then count me out”
>They look at you, stunned and dumbfounded, still too shocked.
“In other words, I’m not paying this fine”
>Now the two guards seem suddenly able to talk.
>”You…you what?”
>”No bucking way, you monkey! If you don’t pay…”
“What of it, goldy? What’s gonna happen if I misbehave, huh?”
>”The Royal Court will learn of this!!”
“C’mon, the Court is gonna involve itself into something like this? I don’t think so”
>”If by “something like this”, monkey, you mean disrespecting the law and two royal guards on duty and being in debt with the Canterlot Treasury, then of course ….”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…in debt with…?”
>”In debt, yes. Every bit from the taxes, fines and other charges throughout this city goes to the Treasury. If you don’t pay, I suppose that actions could be taken, and the fine would be covered by…I don’t know…., “ a devious smile makes its way in the guard’s face, “perhaps subtracting the money from a certain place, like…the Royal Allowance for Endangered Species, ” he finishes, his grin wider than ever.
>--FUCK--. These guys are good.
>Ok, now this is worse than you thought. One way or the other, this fine is going to get paid, whether you like it or not. What can you do? Then a great idea strikes you.
>Of course! Quake’s offer! If you work at the pub, those extra earned bits will surely come in hand. Let’s think. You already own your apartment, courtesy of two pretty p0ny princesses, and, apart from food, water, electricity and the booze you consume at Quake’s pub, there’s nothing else you gotta pay.
>You suppose you can go on without your allowance for a while and then… while this debt is being paid, you can still live decently with whatever salary Quake gives you. Yeah, that’s the plan! It’s perfect!
>You decide to act a little bit for these guys. Not a good idea in making them aware than you have a second source of income.
“Oh, c’mon, officers, is there no way I can pay this other way. Like, in a certain period, or every month, like a hire purchase, or…”
>”Don’t waste your breath, monkey. There’s no way you are getting out with this”
”Please, officers, I’m begging now, “ you put on your best pathetic pleading tone. Gotta make this convincing, after all, “There has to be a way…”
>”There isn’t”
>”Are you going to comply or do you want a tour to our quarters?”
“No, it’s fine…, “ for a moment, the resignation and sadness reflected in your face is so convincing that seems to move them. Then, the illusion is gone and the shit eating grins are back, “ I renounce to the allowance, I suppose”
>”Is that your final decision?”
“It is…officers”
>”Good, then you’re free to leave”
>”You’ve made the right decision, monkey”
>And with that, the two of them go to stop the ongoing fights that dot this section of the park and leave you surrounded by p0nies who seem to be greatly enjoying your misery right now. You sigh, still continuing with the acting, and take leave, jumping over all of them with your hover-board. You hear one of them calling out to you:
>”You got what you deserved!”
>Without even turning to see his face, you give him the middle finger and leave the park on your board, a chorus of derisive laughter fading at your back. When you’re at a safe distance traversing the streets of Canterlot, though, your frown disappears and you begin to laugh and bump your fists into the air.
>Yeah, you tricked the goldies and got out of trouble! Ok, it’s gonna be a harsh month living without the allowance, but you had been in worse situations back on Earth an at least here you’ll have a job. This should be a piece of cake. Yes, you are still pissed off by this “reform” and “limit” thing that mysteriously appeared today and tried to fuck your ass, but that’s over for now.
>Your stomach begins to growl, signaling it’s dinner’s time. You decide that, after this, you deserve a little treat.

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>Why. 
>Why, god, why. 
>”Because fuck you, anon, that’s why” 
>Yeah, that’s the way that noodly motherfucker of a god would probably answer your question, its two meatballs and many spaghetti shaking with laughter. 
>”…then he landed on the wing…and jumped from it and…”
>”...my own daughter has learnt inappropriate language from it and now all of her friends at school are imitating this…monkey’s talk…” 
>”…if Commander Hurricane had seen how this monkey disrespected…”
>”Since he started coming here my son’s grades have started to drop and…”
>Fifteen minutes of this. For that time you’ve been listening to all these p0nies bitching you out. The pegasi, whom you now know to be visitors from Cloudsdale, are complaining about your lack of respect and total disregard for their cultural heritage or something like that. And those are the ones who seem content with talking. The others are silently glaring at you, bumping their hooves together and stomping in a threatening manner. 
>That’s why you have power harnessed in your compressors right now, holding it just in case a quick escape is necessary. But again, these p0nies are pegasi. You hope none of them is as fast as Rainbow Dash, or you’d be biting the dust before you could go too far. 

>Then you have the parents, who want you to stay away from their precious innocent foals, so you can stop corrupting them and ruining all the expensive fancy education they’re being provided with. 
>One of the guards has begun to write down all the complaints as he listens, a notebook held in hoof and a pencil in his mouth, again making you wonder how they manage to do that…the hoof thing you mean. 
>Pony physics, ain’t gotta explain shit, you suppose.  
>But fortunately, you’re not all alone in this. Some of the pegasi, specially the more impressionable and younger ones, are standing up for you. You smile when you see a tiny winged p0ny flap about and begin to argue with one of their parents.
>”But, mum, you got to agree…that was amazing!”
>”Listen, son, I don’t care how “amazing” that was! The point is…”
>”Aww, c’mon, mummy, “ the little pegasus roll his eyes, “not even twenty minutes ago you were saying that the statue didn’t do any justice to Commander Hurricane!”
>”Well…I…”
>”He’s got a point there, you know! ,” another pegasus, a teenager by her looks, joins the parallel conversation, “after all, this monument is so lame compared to the one in Cloudsdale History Hall…”

>You turn your attention to another talk nearby.
>”If the Commander had seen how he…”
>”Well, I don’t know if you guys know…, “ the female griffon from earlier interrupts. Now you have the feeling this is going to get really interesting. She continues, “…but your Commander isn’t exactly around here anymore”
>”What are you suggesting?”
>”I’m saying that you should stop complaining so much about this Hurricane…she’s in the past, after all, and…”
>”And just because of that, we should forget about her?!”
>”Ha, what a hypocrite you turned to be, griffon! ,” another pegasus joins, an angry glint flashing in his eyes, “If this monkey had stepped on one of your national heroes, you wouldn’t be so forgiving about it!” 
>Ok, now you feel that this is beginning to turn into a really heated debate. When you listen around you, your suspicions are confirmed.
>”…and besides, had you ever seen a monkey doing that sort of thing before? I say it pays off, dear”
>”Oh, shut it!”
>”I swear, guards, I heard that he’s an agent from Discord, who is trying to instill Chaos behind her Majesty’s back…”
>”C’mon, it’s just a bucking statue!”
>”Yes, a fine wouldn’t be enough, guards. He should be locked away in a zoo, where he belongs!”
>”Just a bucking statue? JUST A BUCKING STATUE?!?”

>”…besides, I’m sure your Hurricane would be flattered to have her effigy used that way, “the deep voice of a minotaur slips in, an unmistakable hint of mockery in it.
>”…Say what?! ,” replies a pegasus while taking off, with a look in her face you’ve seen in many p0nies before a bar fight ensues.
>”How dare you…?”
>”Cut it out, p0nies, you know it’s true” 
>”It may be true for you…you shitty excuse of an oversized cow!”
>When the minotaur smiles fiercely, balls his fists and lowers his head to display his sharpened horns, you know shit just got real. It’s almost as if he was looking for an excuse to fight…oh, right, he’s a minotaur. Makes sense when you take into account the few things Celestia mentioned you about their culture and history. 
>Ok, this has to stopped, before somep0ny…or some griffon or some minotaur, gets hurt. Clearing your throat, you prepare to get everyone’s attention.
“Ok, guys, listen…”
>Nothing changes so far.
”Ehem!”
>The same as before, but now, for some random reason, there is a pair of pegasus mares slapping the shit out of each other at the background. Surprisingly, the only ones who have turned their attention to the fight are a group of young stallions who are eyeing the scene with interest, smiling all the time. Yeah, catfights seem to have the same effect in here as they had back on Earth.

“Hey, you fuckers!! I’m trying to…”
>And now the minotaur from before has begun to launch a few tentative punches at some pegasi, who hover just above him, waiting for the right opportunity to strike down. Two of the royal guards are too busy dealing with an avalanche of complaining pricks from Classy Canterlot to stop this, and, unfortunately, the only guard available is now doing his best to stop the two fighting mares, but with little success. 
>Well, shit.
>Seeing no other option left, you begin to advance through the increasing chaos towards the two nearer guards. Right now, the only think you want to do it’s to pay your fine or do whatever the guards require, so you are free to leave this place as soon as possible.
>It’s fairly easy for you to avoid the confronting minotaur and pegasi. You then jump over or pass by several group of startled p0nies who can only watch in awe and horror at the scene displayed in front of them. By now, several more fights have randomly erupted  and cartoonish clouds of violence are rolling all around the entire place, hooves and p0nies’ angry faces occasionally protruding from them.
>Maneuvering around everyp0ny, always avoiding direct eye contact and keeping it cool, you manage to get to the ring of fancy-dressed Canterlot citizens that now surround two really desperate-looking royal guards. Pushing then the posh p0nies aside and ignoring their complaints, you make your way amidst them until you are right behind one of the royal guards.

>You gently pat him on the back of his armor to attract his attention.  When he turns and sees you, he calls his companion and makes him turn so the two of them are now facing you, eyes sternly locked with yours. Around the three of you, p0nies quiet down and stare silently at the scene, waiting for something to happen. That effect, of course, only extends a few meters around, so the fights that were ensuing earlier still go on without a change. You spot the third royal guard, a unicorn, managing to pin down with his magic the two pegasus mares from before, much to the annoyance of the surrounding young pegasi stallions.
>Fucking voyeurs. 
>You are about to clear your throat to speak, when one of the guards interrupts you.
>”What do YOU want now, troublemaker?”
“Well, officers…, “ you begin and both of the guards frown and appear confused at hearing that word, “I was just hoping to get all this trouble off my back, if you know wha…”
>”Out of your back, you say? Ha! ,” is one’s caustic reply. Ok, you may have not explained yourself in the best of possible ways. Now these guys think that you are desperate for getting away with this.
>”Listen, monkey,” the second says, and the insulting emphasis in the last word almost makes you feel angry…almost angry, “since you started coming here, complaints have been piling up in our office. Do you have any idea how many extra hours of work is that?” 
>Royal guards working extra hours and having a complaint department? Wow. The gap between these guys and Earth’s police is widening over time. 
>Still, you don’t like them.
“Not a clue, but…”
>”No buts! According to our database…, “ wait, now these p0nies can into computers? How?, “…you have committed thirty major infractions during this last week!”

>”Thirty-seven, if we count the ones we noted down today, ”continues the second guard, looking down to his notebook.
“Wow, I bet I broke this town’s record, didn’t I? ,”  only you laugh at your own joke, while the glares the guards are giving you intensify. You continue to smile in an effort to shrug off the sudden environmental tension “Ok, ok, just kidding, officers. So, how much is it?”
>”What?”
“The fine, I mean. Ten bits, as usual, huh?” 
>”Not so fast, monkey, “a guard says, with a cocky smile slowly twisting his lips. You don’t like one bit the look in his eyes, “It would normally be, yes, but since you have surpassed the limit…”
“Limit? What limit? ,” your own smile begins to vanish.  
>What the fuck is this guy talking about? You don’t recall any limit mentioned when you talked about your shenanigans with Quake or the guys at the pub. Hell, not even Twilight, when she explained you Equestrian Law System during one of her famous and most unbearable rants, had made any references to a limit for infractions! 
>”The new limit for major and minor infractions, of course, “ says one of the guards with a shit eating grin, “It is a reform of the Legal Code recently approved in Royal Court”
>Ok, now this is getting real weird. Let’s think. 
>Thirty infractions this week in your profile as a regular offender, and the limit these guys just pulled out of their asses is that exact fucking number plus one. Ok, you may not be a smarty-pants, but you aren’t as dumb as to ignore the apparent connection. If the guards aren’t lying about this, then something wrong is going on. You ask:
“When was this approved?”

>”Yesterday, at Night Court Sess… ,” the guard answering is harshly interrupted when his buddy shoves a hoof up his mouth and glares at him.
>Approved yesterday night, so that you could surpass the limit today and hit the offence jackpot? 
>Something ain’t right here.
>For an instance, this “reform” looks like it was made with you in mind and, the more you think about it, the more you think it really happened that way. It would be too much of a coincidence if it had happened otherwise. 
>Someone in p0nyland wants to see you getting in deep trouble with law, and that someone, apart from keeping a track on your “criminal record”, seems to have connections with the establishment! 
>Hell, things turned out real interesting all of a sudden.  
>”So, a ten-bit fine you say, monkey?”
>”A fine, indeed, but ten bits, my flank”
“How much will it be then, officers? Eleven? Twelve? ,“ you put on a fake frightened pose, “will it be fifteen bits perhaps?”
>Whatever reform those p0ny politicians pulled out couldn’t be very harsh, right?
>”Six hundred bits” 
>Aw shit. 


Cadence’s POV.
 
>After what felt like an eternity, the carriage comes to a stop and you step out in front of the Castle’s entrance, battlements crowned with always vigilant royal guards, their eyes focused and spears ready. Two wide staircases part left and right, leading to the lower walls and flaking a wooden door that leads, if you remember well, to the Royal Hall, where Court is held. 
>Only three months have passed since you departed from here to govern your beloved subjects in the Crystal Empire, but it feels like a much longer time. 
>But, at last, you were here. 
>And thankfully. If ten more minutes had passed with you, inside the carriage, listening to Blueblood complaining non-stop about the Human, you’re not sure if you would have been able to maintain your façade instead of forcing his mouth shut with your magic.
>Behind you, Prince Blueblood steps out of his vehicle.
“Thank you very much for this, Prince”
>”Oh, it was my pleasure, dear Cadence. No need to thank me for this small gesture of mine”
“It was nice talking with you, Prince Blueblood, “ you expertly lie, hiding your true feelings toward the rant you’ve been forced to hear on the way here, “perhaps we’ll meet at the Court one of these days”
>”I’m looking forward to it, Princess. There is much you have to tell me about your stay at the Empire”
“Of course, now, if you’ll excuse me” you begin to turn, before remembering something, “Pardon again, Prince Blueblood?

>”What is it, dear Cadence? ,” he inquires, one of his hooves already making its way, stepping inside the carriage.
“Is my husband around the Castle? It’s been a long time since his last leave”
>”I understand, Princess, but I’m afraid he is not,” you frown, visibly disappointed. It’s been almost a month since the last time you spend any time with your love. Blueblood continues: 
>“Today Captain Armor was expected to oversee a training field trip for new guard recruits in the outskirts of our city, if I am not mistaken. Work has been keeping our beloved guard Captain very busy and so, he wasn’t informed of all the details of your arrival, dear Cadence. Most surely he did not even know you were arriving today”
“Do you know when he will return from this trip?”
>”I don’t know for sure, but I would say that in a few hours, likely after sunset”
“Oh...I see…,” you reply; lowering your head.
>You’ll have to wait before seeing him again. Blueblood notices your slightly sad expression and clears his throat to gain your attention.
>” I know that you will be quite busy getting acquainted with the Court and my beloved aunts, so, in the meantime, would you like me to inform him of your presence?”
>You ears perk up and a wide smile makes its way across your features.

“Would you do that, Prince Blueblood? I wouldn’t dream of bothering you for this…”
>”Bothering? Please, Princess. It is really nothing, just another small gesture, as a sign of our mutual respect and friendship”
“I’m really thankful. I owe you one, “ you can’t help but giggle when you use those same words Anonymous used today, after the “incident”.
>”Owe …one? What in Equestria does that mean?”
“Nothing, Prince Blueblood, “ you suppress your giggles, “just an expression I overheard today”
>Blueblood laughs affectedly, with a fake and hollow laughter of his own, before talking again.
>”Very well then, dear Cadence. I shall see you one of these next days”
“Have a nice evening, Prince, and thank you again” 
>And with a slight bow of respect, you turn around and happily trot towards the wooden gates, two guards already opening them to allow you entrance to the Castle. 
>Such a gentlecolt Blueblood has proved himself to be! Perhaps, despite his almost sickening obsession with the human Anonymous, he is a nicer stallion than you thought. 

Blueblood’s POV.

>You carriage bumps as it advances, making its way from the castle to your residence. Celestia’s sun has already make much of its path through the sky and Luna’s night will come soon. You won’t have to wait for long until it’s time to meet Captain Armor. 
>You are Blueblood, and everything is not going just as planned...in fact…everything is going better than planned! 
>It was fairly easy to have the new reform approved at Night Court, where many of the Chamber members are just desperate to get home and back to sleep. In fact, you are sure none of them read the reform that was to be applied much carefully. And even with Luna’s presence, your beloved aunt has been away from the bureaucratic and political issues of this kingdom for such a long time that, when she read the text, she could so as much as everyone else. That is, signing the paper and giving it her approval. 
>But this is just one of many changes you have thought about. If the monkey is to be kept in line, many more political maneuvers will be made over time, until he is incapable of doing anything outside certain boundaries…boundaries, of course, that you will have helped to define. 
>And who could have imagined that the ape himself would help speed up this process with this morning’s incident? 
>You felt outraged at this monkey’s recklessness when you found out about it, outraged at his carelessness and disregard for other p0nies, even for those of regal blood! You are determined now, more so after the accident, to make every effort to control this violent creature…this talking, hairless beast by the name of Anonymous. 

>For Celestia’s sake, the monkey comes from another world, perhaps even from another dimension! Even when he is no avatar of chaos, neither a controller of powerful magic as you had first feared, he still is a strange element, something alien and outlandish, something that shouldn’t be here, but that is. 
>You remember the reports you received, detailing Anonymous’ stories about the place where he comes from. Stories about a horrid planet called “Earth”, where magic is an old myth and animals are mindless beasts, where the sun, moon and stars revolt on their own through the sky and where the only sentient species is a bunch of dirty and psychotic apes. 
>You cringe at those memories. Why don’t your aunts and others share your fears? How can they disregard this threat so completely? How can you be the only one that saw the peril Anonymous’ existence entailed?
>If this world is a carefully assembled chess game, the game’s rules and the movements of the different pieces established so long ago, then this Anonymous is nothing but an aberrant piece, with complete disregard for the rules, and provided with wild, dangerous and unpredictable movements of its own. 
>That’s why thinking about the accident with the Crystal Princess makes you smirk. You have now a chance to boost the subduing of this rogue piece, provided by the unsuspecting piece itself. 
>You have promised the Princess of Love you will talk with her husband. 
>And that’s exactly what you intend to do. Yes, you will make sure the Captain of the Royal Guard is aware of his wife’s arrival… and of the many details of her arrival…especially aware of one certain detail, if his fellow guardsp0nies haven’t informed him yet. 


Again Anon’s POV.

>Six hundred bits. 
>Six hundred motherfucking bits. 
>More than your monthly assignation from the endangered species’ fund thing.
>The words of the guard still reverberate in your ears and echo inside your brain. What the hell? How is this even possible? There is no way you can pay this. For a moment, you think they can…no, they must be lying to you…you know, just for fun. Only problem is…that these guys aren’t lying. 
>The smirks in their faces and the arrogant glints in their eyes aren’t the ones you find in people who are simply making fun of you, but the ones in people who are making fun of you and know you can’t do shit about it. 
>Doing a great effort, you compose yourself and give the guards a conciliating and friendly smile:
“Oh, c’mon, officers. Won’t I at least get a discount? I’m your best client, after all, am I not?”
>They don’t laugh one bit.
>”Yeah, very funny, monkey”
>”The reform states a hundred additional bits for every infraction beyond the limit”
>A hundred bits more for every…then you still have to pay…
>”Oh! I forgot, of course. It will be six hundred… AND ten bits”
>Dammit.

>”Now, if you don’t mind. The bits, please”
“I-I-don’t have that much with me, officers”
>”Hum, well, then it looks like you’re bound for a visit to the quarters, monkey. Unless you pay now, of course…”
>Several quiet cheers can be heard around you. The other classy p0nies, along with several pegasi from Cloudsdale, smile mockingly and eye the scene with silent approval in their eyes. As for you, you’re starting to get a bit angry. Ok, real mad, by now. For an instance, you’ve been ambushed by an unfair law that didn’t even exist until twelve hours ago. And now these fuckers, two fucking toy horses in gold-made medieval armor, are not only trying to get you with that, but making a fool of you. 
>This gonna stop now. 
>You put on your best “serious business” face and crouch slowly, very slowly, on your board until you are eye level with them. The guards’ smiles begin to falter when you crackle you knuckles and neck. It’s an easy trick that, for some reason, unnerves these p0nies to the extreme. You had learnt that during your first days in Equestria. You point at the guards.
“You two think I’m stupid, don’t you?”
>Silence, good.
“You two think I’m gonna put up with this shit, don’t you?”
>”How dare you…?!
>”Listen well, monkey,…”
“No, you listen, goldies, “ the last word makes them appear more angry. 

>You’ve heard it from the slum p0nies, and it always has an effect on royal guards. It makes them know that some p0nies do not acknowledge them as stoic and proud soldiers, as defenders of the Crown or some bullshit like that, but as stupid pricks with an attitude problem.
“I don’t know if you really are that dumb, but trying to arrest someone for not carrying around a whole fucking salary is not only absurd, but also plain retarded. You wanna play like this, shit-heads? Ok, but I ain’t following you. If this is how you operate, then count me out”
>They look at you, stunned and dumbfounded, still too shocked.
“In other words, I’m not paying this fine”
>Now the two guards seem suddenly able to talk.
>”You…you what?”
>”No bucking way, you monkey! If you don’t pay…”
“What of it, goldy? What’s gonna happen if I misbehave, huh?” 
>”The Royal Court will learn of this!!”
“C’mon, the Court is gonna involve itself into something like this? I don’t think so”
>”If by “something like this”, monkey, you mean disrespecting the law and two royal guards on duty and being in debt with the Canterlot Treasury, then of course ….”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…in debt with…?”

>”In debt, yes. Every bit from the taxes, fines and other charges throughout this city goes to the Treasury. If you don’t pay, I suppose that actions could be taken, and the fine would be covered by…I don’t know…., “ a devious smile makes its way in the guard’s face, “perhaps subtracting the money from a certain place, like…the Royal Allowance for Endangered Species, ” he finishes, his grin wider than ever. 
>--FUCK--. These guys are good.
>Ok, now this is worse than you thought. One way or the other, this fine is going to get paid, whether you like it or not. What can you do? Then a great idea strikes you.
>Of course! Quake’s offer! If you work at the pub, those extra earned bits will surely come in hand. Let’s think. You already own your apartment, courtesy of two pretty p0ny princesses, and, apart from food, water, electricity and the booze you consume at Quake’s pub, there’s nothing else you gotta pay. 
>You suppose you can go on without your allowance for a while and then… while this debt is being paid, you can still live decently with whatever salary Quake gives you. Yeah, that’s the plan! It’s perfect!
>You decide to act a little bit for these guys. Not a good idea in making them aware than you have a second source of income.
“Oh, c’mon, officers, is there no way I can pay this other way. Like, in a certain period, or every month, like a hire purchase, or…”

>”Don’t waste your breath, monkey. There’s no way you are getting out with this”
”Please, officers, I’m begging now, “ you put on your best pathetic pleading tone. Gotta make this convincing, after all, “There has to be a way…”
>”There isn’t”
>”Are you going to comply or do you want a tour to our quarters?”
“No, it’s fine…, “ for a moment, the resignation and sadness reflected in your face is so convincing that seems to move them. Then, the illusion is gone and the shit eating grins are back, “ I renounce to the allowance, I suppose”
>”Is that your final decision?”
“It is…officers”
>”Good, then you’re free to leave”
>”You’ve made the right decision, monkey”
>And with that, the two of them go to stop the ongoing fights that dot this section of the park and leave you surrounded by p0nies who seem to be greatly enjoying your misery right now. You sigh, still continuing with the acting, and take leave, jumping over all of them with your hover-board. You hear one of them calling out to you:
>”You got what you deserved!”
>Without even turning to see his face, you give him the middle finger and leave the park on your board, a chorus of derisive laughter fading at your back. When you’re at a safe distance traversing the streets of Canterlot, though, your frown disappears and you begin to laugh and bump your fists into the air. 
>Yeah, you tricked the goldies and got out of trouble! Ok, it’s gonna be a harsh month living without the allowance, but you had been in worse situations back on Earth an at least here you’ll have a job. This should be a piece of cake. Yes, you are still pissed off by this “reform” and “limit” thing that mysteriously appeared today and tried to fuck your ass, but that’s over for now. 
>Your stomach begins to growl, signaling it’s dinner’s time. You decide that, after this, you deserve a little treat.

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