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The MLP Chronicles, Short #3: The Gnome Gatling Gun

By: tyko2000 on Apr 28th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 6.32 KB  |  hits: 176  |  expires: Never
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  1. > You trip over your bed one day, and you find something interesting under your bed.
  2. “Oh hey, a gatling gun!”
  3. > You find a cute little paper note attached:
  4. > “To whenever Anon finds this: This baby can fire ANY ammo, and whatever you put in it, it clones it infinitely for a party! Please hold onto this for me!”
  5. > “Sincerely, Pinkie”
  6. > D’aww, she’s such a sweetheart, leaving you heavy weaponry stashed where you sleep.
  7. > Let’s try it out!
  8. > Taking it outside, you lug the large machine to your front lawn, and your ammo of choice is suddenly in your view.
  9. > An innocent little gnome, it sits diligently to watch and protect the forces of evil.
  10. “Welp, I think it’s time that you get a little extra vacation, what say you?”
  11. > It looks at you in a dark manner, clearly up to your devious plans.
  12. > You open the ammo box, plopping the little critter in, and rev up the spinning barrels.
  13. > “Oh, hey there, Anon! W-what do you have, there?”
  14. “Heya, Fluttershy! I’m trying out this new thing I found, want to watch?”
  15. > “Oh, uhm, sure… if that’s alright.”
  16. > Getting extra close to your leg, Fluttershy cowers under you as the barrels are at prime gyration rate.
  17. > Test #1: Gnome Gatling Gun
  18. > You unleash a savage hell unto the nearest tree, dozens, hundreds of gnomes piercing through it and clearing the forest behind it.
  19. > The chaos is beautiful in your eyes, as the gnomes fulfill their kamekazi duty in the name of Emperor Anon.
  20. > “Oh… my.”
  21. “This is fucking great, I wonder what else it can fire…?”
  22. > Ejecting the satisfied gnome, you look around for other interesting things to fire.
  23. > Rocks? Boring. Fence post? Bleck….
  24. > You look down, and see the smiling pegasus grinning sheepishly at you.
  25. > “What’s, what’s the matter, Anon?”
  26. > You give a grin only Satan himself could love, as you pick up Fluttershy by the scruff of her neck.
  27. > “Oh please! I do insist that I’d rather not-“
  28. > *Clonk* Into the ammo box you go!
  29. > “MMmfmf hffgrm, ehhfhr ddghoot!”
  30. “What was that? I can’t hear you!”
  31. > You latch the ammo box locked, and the barrel revs up once more, as you make your way towards Ponyville.
  32. -----
  33. > After an exhausting walk with this huge contraption, you finally make it to the town limits.
  34. > However, it appears that carrying a Gatling gun has gained the suspicion of two of Celestia’s Guards.
  35. > “Uh, halt. What in the Princess’s name is that?”
  36. > Rev rev rev rev
  37. “Oh, it’s just, y’know!”
  38. > The two guards look at each other warily before taking a step forward.
  39. > “No, we don’t know. I insist you stop immediately.”
  40. > Rev REV REV REVVVVVVV!
  41. “If you don’t know what it is, then say hello!”
  42. > “…Hello?”
  43. “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FLUTTERSHY!”
  44. > Flutterclones launch with a velocity almost equal to that of a sonic rainboom, the first one decking the guard right in the chest.
  45. > “Oh my, I’m so sorry!”
  46. > The 2nd guard dodges the next Flutterclone, but three more pummel him to the ground, as you raise the weapon in the sky.
  47. “Ah. Ahha. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
  48. > Hundreds upon hundreds of Fluttershy’s are filling the skies, dark clouds gathering as the pegasi mass into a huge flock.
  49. > Finally stopping, a thousand Flutterclones pierce the heavens, all apologizing to each other and asking if they’re alright.
  50. > Dissatisfied at the result, you pop the ammo box open and let the original one out.
  51. “Sorry about that, but I have good news! You’re no longer an only child.”
  52. > “Oh… but… how- oh, my.”
  53. > She witnesses the Army of Flutterclones, darkening the entirety of Ponyville.
  54. > “I, I must say hello!”
  55. > She takes off as you meet up with Zecora, who’s walking down a nearby street.
  56. > “Well, if it’s not Anon, a pleasant surprise; please, do tell me- who the fuck are those guys?”
  57. > She points at the horde, as the original joins her clone family.
  58. “Fuck if I know, hey, got any cool potions on you?”
  59. > Zecora gives a skeptical stare at what you could be plotting, but shrugs it off as she pulls  out a small fragile vile.
  60. > “This, my friend, is a very dangerous potion; to be hit like this would cause a fucking explosion!”
  61. > All of a sudden, a loud roar appears in the darkened skies above, as every single citizen comes out to see the phenomenon.
  62. > “Anon!” One Fluttershy calls out.
  63. > “We have an idea!”
  64. “Yeah, what the fuck is that?”
  65. > “YOU’RE
  66. > GOING
  67. > TO LOVE ALL OF US!”
  68. > A thousand Flutterapists?!
  69. > Whathaveyoudone.gif
  70. > You snatch the bottle from Zecora’s mouth, and delicately place it in the ammo box.
  71. > “Stop you fool, it may be a glitch! Give me that back now, you son of a bitch!”
  72. “No can do motherfucker, WATCH OUT!”
  73. > The massive army of Fluttershys gathers in a spear like formation, and is soon charging at you.
  74. > Rev rev rev rev
  75. > “ANOOOOONN!” They all roar, each voice a terror in itself
  76. > Rev rev REV REV REV REVVVVVVV
  77. “ELUNE BE PRAISED, IT’S TIME TO DIE YOU LIKE FUCKWADS!”
  78. > “Anon, your fury, it’s set you in a trance! Oh, my word, I just shit my pants!”
  79. > The potions fire out in a blazing fire, and as soon as the first one hits the swarm, a huge boom erupts from the sky.
  80. > Letting loose for an entire minute, you unleash over a thousand explosion potions to take out each of the little bastards.
  81. -----
  82. > The smoke, still gathered around the ruins of the Flutterclones, slowly begins to dissipate.
  83.  
  84. “It was about fucking time this happened, fare thee-“
  85. > “YAAAAAY~!” “YAAAAAY~!” “YAAAAAY~!” “YAAAAAY~!” “YAAAAAY~!” “YAAAAAY~!”
  86. > My God, what has happened?
  87. > “My goodness, it appears so grave; the wrong potion to you I had gave!”
  88. “WHAT?!”
  89. > “It was a dragon transform potion, and now things look grim; this is like the code I used when I played Skyrim!”
  90. > There are now a thousand yellow and pink dragons soaring above the town, flames erupting from their mouths as they encircle above you.
  91. > Well, it appears you might be in trouble.
  92. “Zecora, can I have those…?”
  93. > You find her already a good distance away, yelling you out a response:
  94. > “This is now your trial to pass; after that shit you pulled, you can kiss my ass!”
  95. > A thousand sex craving Flutterdragons swoop down on you, and with the last seconds of your freedom, you look up agape in horror.
  96. > Spaghetti just pours from your pant legs.
  97. > END