- > In the darkest of the void, nothing could be seen but several pairs of eyes, and a single candle in the center of them all.
- > The slight illumination on the silhouette of their robes were not enough to reveal their identities as they discussed whatever they have even grouped up for.
- > The silence among them was one truly eerie, the mysterious aura that surrounds them giving them the slight case of anxiety.
- > Or, perhaps, being in an endless void of darkness with a single light source is doing that.
- > However there was one person that was quite vividly sticking out of the group, his scythe shimmering in the flame’s flicker; the blade appears to have been super glued together in a very professional manner.
- > Its wielder is the first to speak up, clearing his rattled voice as he addresses the group.
- > “Now… we are all here for one reason, and that is to kill a person by the name of Anon Anon.”
- > “In previous bargains that I made with the seven of you-“
- > “SENSATIONAL~!”
- > Death, in a smooth motion, raises his scythe and slashes the poor mare that interrupted him, reaping her soul without a second glance. The rest silently watch in sheer terror as her spirit is absorbed into the blade, healing its fortitude back to its former glory.
- > “As I said, with the six of you, that I am now calling on your end of the deal.”
- > A high pitched voice, laced with overdue confidence and charisma, is the first to inquire.
- > “Now, all we have to do is defeat and kill this.. “Anon”, figure? We shall find no trouble in this!”
- > Another one, next to the speaker, gives a hearty nod; or perhaps, he or she is nodding very enthusiastically, because they’ve been doing it the entire time since being here.
- > Another, most certainly a tenor voiced stallion, drawls out his opinion on the manner.
- > “I for one think this is much, much too dirty for my hands, but if I simply must do it to pay off my debts to you, then I shall.”
- > Death gives a hearty chortle, despite the lack of heart, or a diaphragm for that matter.
- > “Damn right you must do this; I have each and every one of you bastards by the balls and vaginas for helping you out one way or another. Don’t think I forgot how you got all that money, mother fucker!”
- > Another pony, this time a smooth talking colt, clears his voice at being addressed.
- > “But, of course, dear sir. I am pledged to be of your service as you see fit.”
- > “Mother fucking Zapp Apples… can’t believe those assholes believe that story on how your family obtained all that money. Your daddy, your daddy’s daddy… it’s time for your happy ass to pay up the family name, and you, YOU!”
- > He wags his finger at a shaking mare, who clearly does not wish to be here.
- > “If I didn’t threaten the board of education that you would be perfect for the job, you would be stuck sucking cock in the streets of Manehatten!”
- > “Y-yes, Mr. Death, I kn-know…”
- > He gives a smug grin, knowing full well that he has each of them in a bind, and would never dare to cross Death himself.
- > Except for that pretentious foul being that has not too long ago escaped his demise.
- > He grinds his teeth, looking off at each mare and stallion and naming what he titled the contract as he points each one off.
- > “I gave you actual magic skills,”
- > “I’ve taught you how to make some killer beats,”
- > “You, oh ho, I had to kill off a whole bunch of royalty to get you a nice seat in power,”
- > “I showed you the missing treasures of Equestria that I had to slay a lord of dragons for,”
- > Death snaps his fingers, resurrecting Sapphire Shores from her untimely death, sending a chill down her hooves.
- > “Sen… sat…ion…a..l.”
- > “I gave you a motherfucking part in the t.v. show, despite how fucking LAME you are!”
- > Sapphire gives a sheepish smile before returning the hood back over her.
- > “You got a nice fat paying job from me that guaranteed protection from your… questionable tendencies,”
- > “And finally, I given you the spot on the Wonderbolts Rainbow Dash has been fighting over for years, despite the fact she can clear laps around you before I had given your speed.”
- > The final of the group gives a silent nod.
- > “Now! Now that I have so kindly reminded you why you’re so fucking screwed, this is what we’re going to do…”
- -----
- > It's now you, and that demonic rabbit.
- > You knew this would happen, as this showdown was destined in the stars to occur.
- > From the moment it blew you off, you swore on your mother's grave it would rue the death you had conjured up for that furry little pelletmonger.
- > Having set the sweetly slumbering Fluttershy from your arms into her snug bed, the both of you are set in a dead-lock stare, like two Chinese restaurant owners across the street.
- > Intense,
- > Dramatic,
- > Sushi.
- > Wait, that’s Japanese. Um..
- > Yeah, you don’t have much of a good pun to toss at that,
- > And you just ruined the joke, good freaking job.
- > But this is one intense glare you two have fixated on each other; Vegeta himself could not even dream of matching the power emitted from the eye contact.
- > If you had a cigarette, you’d light that bad boy up without a zippo;
- > And you’d toss it right at that long eared mofo’s face after a single puff.
- > You’d so do it, but now is not the time; this isn’t the day and place.
- > You break the connection, and the intensified energy is deflected, cutting a vase cleanly into half.
- > Scoffing in disbelief, you give the rabbit a one fingered salute before you exit the house you once so coveted and dreaded;
- > At different times, of course, your feelings of this lovely place had changed within about ten minutes.
- > Back outside, you give a stretch, smell the flowers, and feel like a ravaging monkey is no longer on your back.
- > Finally settled with Fluttershy, you have the hope that you changed over a new leaf, perhaps stopped a penultimate villain from reoccurring once more.
- > You might even just start taking up gardening once you’re done discussing things over with Twilight Sparkle. Heck, chess even sounds splendid, a round by yourself while enjoying the sanctity of the laughing tulips and shining roses sway in the everlasting breeze of peacefulness.
- > Yup, the world sure is at peace right now.
- > Yup.
- -----
- > You know you’re only deluding yourself as you look up to the sky, charming as always.
- > Wait, that… that is the moon, right?
- > Is that… is that a hole opening in it?
- > It looks like it has a tiny black zit now, how queer.
- > Hah, now it’s a white zit. REALLY white, huh.
- > It’s growing, that certainly can’t be good.
- > Bigger, bigger…
- > Great Farore, someone pops that thing before it detonates!
- > Oh, now it’s a… oh.
- > IT’S A MOTHER FUCKING BEAM!
- > You watch as the moon buds its zit beam over the horizon, steadily preparing itself to touch down-
- > In your general direction.
- > Oh no, never mind, it’s definitely in your direction, that cursed thing CURVED towards you!
- > Are you a bar magnet for energy now?
- > Alarms start going off as the beam of doom is now approaching Equestria’s atmosphere, pummeling through the sky in a burning fury.
- > Yeah, you might be able to escape that!
- > You probably won’t.
- > You can always try, you conjecture; Luck has constantly been on your side.
- > HERE IT APPROACHES!
- > You brace yourself to avoid it last second, only to grasp that it wasn’t targeting for you at all, but rather another part of the pasture near you.
- > God, you’re so vain~
- > You probably thought that beam was going for you,
- > You’re-
- > So-
- > Vain~!
- > The aftermath was oddly minimal, as you appreciate the effect of a tiny meteorite drawing a line in the ground.
- > You run up to it in a vigilant sprint, as if that’s even conceivable.
- > Going to the moderate size crater, you discover it has a… lol, what?
- -----
- > Looks like a space pod. You swear you almost hear a muffled cheer coming from inside.
- > Steam approaching around the door, you slide down the dirt slope to welcome the Saiyan that came to destroy Equestria.
- > As the door leisurely opens, you can already guess who in Zora’s Domain was in it.
- > “HOT DAMN! That was the best trip down here motherfucking YET!”
- > Well, looks like Princess Luna is here upbeat and early. Shouldn’t she be snoozing?
- > She still has an eye patch on from a while ago, from when you shot her in the face.
- > Not that she distinguishes who the culprit is, right?
- > Right?
- “Princess, Princess Luna? W-why are you flying down like-“
- > “First off kiddo, just call me Luna, you’re my brony from another pony! Second off, that was FUCKING fun, have you EVER tried out the emergency escape pod from the fucking MOON?”
- >
- “I guess not, to be honest, after seeing Spaceballs though, I’m sure it is a fun-“
- > “Damn right it was fun, we gotta do it sometime! Before you ask- no, I did not use an escape pod when I should be sleeping to get some extra screen time.”
- “But I never-“
- > She gives a cold stare like the Twilight Princess herself.
- > Don’t get caught on the wrong end of that gaze, ever.
- “Alright, then what are you here for?”
- > She pulls out a glorified card from… wherever the heck she had it, and offers it to you, which you sheepishly and promptly open it.
- > The card: “It’s time for another Pinkie Pie Party, and you’re invited! This time, this celebration is going OUT OF THIS WORLD at Princess Luna’s chamber hall, on the MOON! R.V.S.P.”
- > Party?
- > On the moon?
- > Moooooooon?!
- “Hey Luna, do you knooooow where you can find good parties?”
- > The expression she gave was of absolute fright, and both your heart and balls simultaneously drop at the face she made.
- > Looks like she’s suffering from PCTSD-
- > Princess Celestia Traumatic Stress Disorder.
- > “I-I… I’m sorry, I won’t ask for my p-powers back, I-I’m sorry… I’ll g-go now…”
- > You swiftly hop over to her, in which she gives a look of fear incarnate.
- > “P-p-please, anything but-!”
- > Good lord, she’s certainly tearing up. You reach around her neck and give her a snug hug.
- “Hey now, I didn’t mean to bring up ruthless memories. All you need to worry about right now is how I’m going to get up there.”
- > “You mean…?”
- “While a party isn’t a party without Pinkie Pie, once I get there, it’ll be a PARTAYYYYY!”
- > Her apprehensive expression is soon replaced by one with glee, a squealing schoolgirl who just learned that her favorite band is performing in her town.
- > “Ohmygosh ohmygosh are you sure? I didn’t think you actually would want to, y’know, hang out, even if I hosted a party…”
- “Luna, let’s get this straight: you’re a cool mare. You said I even had my own place on the moon, who could refuse an invitation from you after meeting you?”
- > She drops the grin that you so thoughtfully plastered on her, apparently thinking of one who would do such a dastardly thing.
- > Criminy, she has to be bi-polar to be able to switch moods this fast.
- > “Well.. eh… big sister said she could never come, she has work to do.”
- > “She always has work to do.”
- > You can’t help but latch a frown on, yourself, and you shake your head at the lack of ecstasy induced fun in the conversation. You ruffle her flowing mane a bit, chuckling at how it slowly regains its form.
- -----
- > “Is thou pleased at thy mane fluffing?” She asked, picking her accent from medieval days.
- “Well, yes, I enjoy it very much so, if I do say so.”
- > You catch her blushing over the matter. She must enjoy the physical contact.
- > She must also go back to speaking ye olde English when she’s nervous or embarrassed.
- > Why the heck not make another lovable pony’s day? It’s hardly noon, you have plenty of time to goof around before you see Twilight, and you’re still exhausted from earlier.
- > Wait, does she know about your little incident earlier? You’d think she would, but there’s a good chance she may have not been in the loop. Princess Celestia might not even know.
- > Perhaps the Mane Six decided to keep it hush-hush until you decide to address it.
- “Hey, Luna, let’s get out of this hole and talk a bit, ja?”
- > “Sure, but I need to go back up soon. The party is TONIGHT, and I need to get my beauty rest. I’m staying up a bit later than what I’m used to, tehe.”
- > You hurdle up and out of the hole like the Italian plumber you are, and for the first time in your wretched life, you witness Luna flying for the very first time.
- “Well, you can use your wings, who knew?”
- > She snorts, back to her usual self, finally.
- > “Fucking please. I only fly if I absolutely have to, that’s what the chariot is for.”
- > You swear, she’s a century old spoiled brat at heart.
- > You mosey away when you hear the ground beginning to rumble.
- > OH GOD, NO! NOT AGAIN!
- > You squat down in a panic, only to realize Luna is using her magic to lob dirt into the hole, effectively covering up the traces of the impact.
- > Now it looks like a swimming pool once stood there.
- > Give or take the huge irrigation system left from the trail.
- > Luna realizes this, and gives a ‘I don’t give a flying fuck’ shrug.
- > “Irrigation system was due here anyhow.”
- > You swing your hand in the air, shooting an invisible basketball to a non-existent hoop.
- > CALLED IT!
- -----
- > Walking towards a random tree to take the weight off your feet, Luna soon by your side, you strike up a conversation.
- “So, Luna, what do you usually do up there, when you’re not having forty winks and bringing the moon up?”
- > She gives you a gaze of discomfort, as if her daily routine is something not meant to be talked about.
- > Or perhaps not talked about enough to her liking.
- > “Well, uhm.. I fetch up the moon, and then I just loiter in the heavens in my badass chariot. Did you know that the chariot doesn’t actually need to be towed by the sentries?”
- > Sitting down, she opts to lie down beside you. You were half anticipating that she’d lie in your lap, but you figured that’d be pushing it.
- > Plus dat hair!
- > It summons thy hands to stroke its sleek mane!
- “They drive themselves? But then, why the guards?”
- > “Ha! We just have them there for looks, plus, y’know, it’s like a obligation to have guards all around you when you’re a princess, right?”
- “True, true. Do you reminisce when you fought Discord long ago?”
- > Her face stays solemn, trying to remember the event from centuries ago.
- > “Yes, yes I do.”
- “When you used the Elements of Harmony with your sis… there are two of you, and six of the elements, how’d that work?”
- > She leers at the thought, recalling the nostalgia of her previous victory.
- > “When we used them, it turned into armor pieces for each one of us, I think it was… a helmet, chest piece, and greaves? Something similar to that.”
- “So, which three elements did you get, then?”
- > “To hell if I know! All I remember is that it was badass, the way my big sister and I teamed up to beat him like that.”
- > Savoring in the essence of the half told story, she gazes off into the distance, silence enveloping the both of you.
- -----
- “You know, you should talk to your sister more, tell her that even as a ruler, she should set more time to spend with you.”
- > She flinches at this, as if you were taking a stab at her ego with such a proposition.
- > “You’d think that would work the last time, huh? Why do you contemplate I got upset enough to where I tried to make it eternal night?”
- “None of the ponies are awake at night, while they were spending all their time during the day, right?”
- > “WHAT?! What kind of poorly concocted excuse is that? Do I look like a conceited douchebag?”
- “Erm… no. I guess I was told wrong. What transpired, then?”
- > She guises at you, and takes sudden interest at the grass between her hooves, unsettled on the thought of saying anything.
- > You track your hand down her mane, relishing the stimulating texture.
- > She turns an unfathomable blush of red as she looks back at you.
- > “Thou dost know how to-“
- “Luna, I’m not from the stone age, speak current age English.”
- > She winces, and tries to go back to speaking normally.
- > “You know how to certainly make a mare feel better.”
- “What, the mane petting? Is it really that comforting? I just like the touch of it.”
- > You don’t even know how to describe the feel of these ever flowing locks, it’s like stroking the mane of the cosmos!
- > She pouts. On second thought, you think she always pouting, but this is a distinguished pout.
- > The pout of royalty!
- > “I work hard to keep it looking good, but… you can continue to stroke it… if you like…”
- “Do you enjoy it when I do it, or no?”
- > “…yes.”
- > You continue on without a second thought.
- -----
- > Luna looks into the bright blue sky, as if savoring the moment. You attempt to do the same, closing your eyes and taking in your senses.
- > The smell of freshly singed grass is still scented in the air, its succulent aroma of passionate fire carousing your mind with its beauty.
- > You can taste the pollen lightly laced into the air, flowers fully blooming in this wondrous springtime air, dragging you in nostalgia of times where you would sit outside and ponder for hours. You never did this since your time here, but to do it once more is… sensational.
- > Before you could say “feelsgoodman”, Luna speaks up and interrupts your interlude of natural sanctity.
- > “Do you ever look at the sky at night? When the stars are out, I mean.”
- > Glancing back at her, you notice she has yet to break her attention from her sky, before softly responding.
- “Every so often. I didn’t do much stargazing since I’ve been here; I get nervous being alone out in the dark.”
- > Hopefully you’ve reformed Fluttershy enough to not have to worry about that.
- > “The stars are wonderful; they’re always there for me when no one else is.”
- > It feels awkward trying to imagine stargazing in the middle of the day, as the sun is doing its thing like a boss. However, you do your committed best to pretend it’s in the middle of the night.
- > …
- > Yeah, that’s not working.
- > “I see. Perhaps we should go stargazing together sometime, I wouldn’t mind that.”
- > As long as Dashie doesn’t swear to gore you with a gnome, that actually sounds like an intriguing idea.
- > She gives a quiet gasp, as if she’s trying to hide her surprise at the offer, but gives you a soft smile all the same.
- > “I would be most pleased if you were to do that.”
- > You nod, and you both continue the silent awkwardness that began to form effortlessly.
- > After a good minute of silence, Luna returns back to the previous branch of the conversation.
- > “After we defeated Discord, Tia-“
- “Tia?”
- > “You know, Celestia… Tia?”
- > HA! You forgot about that nickname.
- > Shit’s cash, you might want to try calling her that from now on.
- “Alright, “Tia”. Go on.”
- > “Well, Tia… she got distant, because she was the real ruler of us two. She took on all the hard work, and only had me do the little stuff.”
- “She’s your big sis; of course she’s not going to want to make her little sibling work hard.”
- > “I know, but… she lost focus on anything but her royal duties. We spent less and less time together, and soon what little time I was able to see her, was gone within the year.”
- “Yeah… not being able to see your loved ones is a pain in the backside, I know how that feels.”
- -----
- > “So I made attempts to get to see her more, and every time it failed. I became so lonely, because I was just another scary pony… and I decided that I would take a chance in showing my sister how serious I was in missing her…”
- “Nightmare Moon.”
- > “Yes. I changed my image in how I looked, and used my powers in a way that I could, thinking that by doing it, I could help Tia spent some time with me. I made it nighttime, and kept it night, so the work wouldn’t start until I told it so, so I could be with big sister. But… she didn’t like that, and, *sniff*…”
- “I know the rest, don’t worry.”
- > “But for a thousand years, she made me alone, and my sadness turned into rage! All I ever wanted was to be with her, and she made me alone for so long… if it weren’t for Twilight Sparkle and her friends… I might have not gained my sanity back. Even now, if it weren’t for you…”
- > Anon, get a grip on yourself, we [the readers] can guess what you have going around in your head.
- > Oh sure, you were thinking about the party-
- > The party going on in your pants, you mean.
- > This pony, an alicorn and royalty no less, is falling for you without a single boundless effort.
- > No, no-no-no, the mane stroking does not count. You can freaking stroke that shit for hours, and it would not have caused Captain Cock to take up his rank and hoist the flag.
- > This mane is a freaking Zen garden, with soothing music playing in the background;
- > FOR YOUR HANDS! It’s so beautifully comforting!
- > This is almost as wonderful as BOOBS!
- -----
- > inb4 Virgin, kissless, etc.
- > Joke’s on you, MOTHER FUCKERS!
- > Tyko
- -----
- > But seriously, ignoring the questionable mane stroking thing, all you did was be there for this mare, and talk to her, and listen to her feelings…
- > Great Celestia, why aren’t you being friend zoned? Oh please, please say you’re being friend zoned.
- > “Anon, always know I’ll like you, no matter who you are or what you do. I can’t wait for that party!”
- > WHAT IN VERIZON’S POOR SIGNAL DID THAT FIRST PART EVEN MEAN?
- > NANI?!?!.jpg
- > Error, you cannot-
- > FUCK OFF I WILL SAVE USING PUNCTUATION IF I CHOOSE SO.
- > You need to calm down, remember the Anon Anthem-
- > Zero fucks given.
- “Hehe, I can’t wait too, but Luna, you need to get some rest, and I need to talk with Twilight Sparkle.”
- > Both of us standing up, she blatantly ignores your silent but quivering wingboner as she wraps up story time.
- > “That fucker’s a badass teacher, gotta love her. But alright, I’m off to wa-wa land. On the moon.”
- > Both you and Luna: “Ohhhhhhhhhh”
- > “Yeaaaaaah.”
- > IN SYNC, HYPER COMBO FINISH!
- > She raises her hand, and the glorious chariot of darkness zooms right by the two of you.
- > Giving her a mock salute, she giggles at you and gives a wave as her devilishly awesome ride shoots her off to the moon.
- > Super saiyan shuttle down;
- > Black flaming chariot to the cosmos back up.
- > Like a fawking boss, dude.
- -----
- > Adding a bit of a spring to your step after developing background plot with a cool mare, you make your fruity salad butt to Twilight’s Library, err,
- > House,
- > Thing, and you pass by an apple stand. Hunger carving your body as usual, you can’t help but stop by; why not?
- > You waltz up to the stall when you hear yet another familiar voice.
- > “Buy some apples!”
- “Geez, kid. You know, you really should invest in a stand to sit on, or something; I can hardly see you from back there.”
- > Apple Bloom, barely visible from behind the pile of the store’s stock, is now hopping up and down to continue the conversation.
- > “Well, fancy meeting you here, big brother!”
- > Oh, come on.
- > Not the heart; that touched your begrudged heart!
- > It’s as if it grew three sizes too big at those last two words.
- “Big brother, you’re really gonna start calling me that?”
- > “Well, Big Mac might be the best big brudder there is, but you’re an awesome big brother was well!”
- > This girl is like a personified form of innocence;
- > Her forsaken tears could cure cancer.
- “Alright, then, ‘lil sis’. I’d like an apple or two, hopefully one bit will do?”
- > “Normally I’d be fixin’ to give them to ya free! But Applejack is teaching me to run the stall, so I can’t be making any mistakes!”
- “That’s alright, Apple Bloom. Knowing you guys make these is well worth every penny.”
- > “Every, what now?”
- “Every bit.”
- > “Oh! Oh yeah, thanks fer the business!”
- > She freaking caught ya, as you bite into the first of your apples.
- -----
- > Three stalls down, under what appears to be a vending store of carrots and other veggie delicacies, two robed ponies are sneakily hiding under the cart.
- > One, who feels like the position here was demeaning, was huddling next to a more chipper ally, who’s jiggling with delight, much to the first’s annoyance.
- > “Would you PLEASE stop moving so much? You’re making me nervous, here,” he whispers urgently, shooting dirty looks at the other.
- > His robe, catching the bottom the cart, revealingly comes off, showing that Filthy Rich is the stallion of the hour, his finely trimmed mane dishonored by the presence of such a demeaning position.
- > “But, this whole plot is just so SEN-“ Sapphire Shore prepares to yell, almost giving both their positions away before Filthy slams a hoof in her mouth.
- > “Will you be QUIET! Now, all we have to do is roll this bomb,”
- > He produces a very large and round looking bomb, like the ones you would find on your 1980s cartoon shows, fit with a large skull logo on it.
- > “and make sure it goes right into that crook, effectively blowing him up! Rather crude, perse, but I was told money can fix everything!”
- > “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!”
- > “Shut it, you! Now, hand me the match.”
- > Sapphire looks at him quizzically, before patting herself down and giving a shrug of disinterest.
- > “You… you forgot the matches?!”
- > “I didn’t bring them, you did!”
- > “Why, you..!”
- > They hoof at each other for a couple seconds, before stopping at the realization that were soon to blow their cover. Folks were looking around for the source, and a single guard, walking by, is trying to find the commotion.
- > Thankfully, in the small scuffle, a matchbox tumbles out between them, as Mr. Rich snatches it in triumphant victory, pulling out a match and lighting it up.
- > “Alright, now all we have to do is light this bad boy up, roll it over to Anon, scadaddle, and we’ll be scot free!”
- > “SENSATIONAL!”
- > “IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA, STOP RIGHT THERE!”
- -----
- > In the zealous state of discovering suspicious ponies under a food cart, the guard has finally taken action of reprimanding the mysterious duo.
- > Whipping his hood back up before shuffling out of the stall, he produces the ridiculously large looking bomb between his hooves, match in mouth.
- > Sapphire Shores, following suit, puts her hood back up to conceal the anonymity of the two, before giving a wild cackle.
- > “Looks like this plan is about to blow apart!”
- > “To hell it is! Oh wait.. ha, that was a good one!” Filthy retorts, lighting the fuse to the guard’s horror.
- > Giving it a kick, it soon gains speed as it rolls past the guard, terrified by the sparkling thing.
- > Ponies, seeing the traveling explosive, begin panicking and clearing the area, and the guard takes cover.
- > Filthy Rich gives a hearty chuckle, plucking a rose from the nearby flower stall.
- > “I knew even we couldn’t screw this one up… Sapphire.”
- > “This is going to be a one hit wonder~! Ah, hahaha!”
- > A third voice penetrates through the conversation as a third robed pony, with a blue mane hidden in the shadows of her hood, interrupts the duo with a sensible entry of confetti.
- > “Would you two stop yapping! We need to blow this candy stand, before it blows US!”
- > Tossing the rose aside, Filthy gives a devilish grin before settling with a nod, as a smoke cloud burst around the three of them, disappearing in a puff.
- -----
- > Meanwhile, while ignore the frantically fleeing ponies passing you, you take another couple of bites from your delicious apple when you finally notice the bizarre sounds of wild and panicked screaming.
- > It was as if the sweet taste of this godly fruit acted as a pair of ear plugs, as you lay witness to the scene before you;
- > Countless ponies running in random direction, a single guard appearing to be ready to let loose tears as he runs in the manliest cowardly way possible.
- > A dark blue smoke, coupled with shiny confetti, is fading off to the sky, as if something had recently let loose a colorful firework.
- > And, oh! Hey, what’s that?
- > Your face drops, grimacing at the innocently lit sphere rolling in your general direction.
- > Is that a… bomb? Why yes, yes it is.
- > Guess what? It’s also rolling towards you.
- > Theresabombrollingtowardsyoubro.gif
- > You freeze where you are, screaming like the little girl you are.
- > Goodbye, mom! Farewell, Rainbow Dash! Sayonara, your sweet gnomes!
- > You give your final prayers as the bomb finally reaches you, the fuse inching so closely to its end.
- > Undulating in a determined manner, it rolls between your legs, meeting a randomly open manhole-
- > Or is it a ponyhole, here?
- > Where it’s heard with a wet plop as it enters the sewage below, finishing off with a quiet boom.
- > Well then; that was certainly a progressing story plot.
- -----
- > You eventually reach the library unscathed, despite the random nefarious moment of someone trying to do you in.
- > Sometimes you wonder what occurs more; someone trying to do you in, or someone simply trying to do you.
- > Chuckling at the pathetic funny you made, you tap a friendly knock on the door, waiting a few moments before Twilight’s door opens, revealing our friendly neighborhood dragon.
- > “Well, uh, hi there Anon!”
- “Heya, mind if I come in? I’m hoping Twilight Sparkle would be here…”
- > “Oh yeah, she’s here alright! It’s just, well… see for yourself.”
- > Following Spike back into the lair that is the bookworm’s, you find yourself at the base of Mt. Book Pile.
- > It appears she’s truly amidst her weekly routine of organizing her book collection. You’d think she would be more delicate with the precious materials Celestia has given her.
- > Walking around the impressive structure she’s built, you can’t quite seem to be able to find her among the masses of publications, as Spike lazily follows you out of boredom.
- > You’re having fun trying to follow her voice, though.
- > “Alright, ‘Basic Spells and Their Uses’, man, I haven’t read this for years… spells and potions section!”
- > You witness a book flying out of nowhere to its destined shelf.
- > “Hm… ‘A Mare’s Magical Guide to Finding Love’…”
- > She’s silent for a moment.
- > “Personal Section! I need to read this one again, sometime… hehe…”
- “Hey, uh, Twilight..?”
- > Books go flying everywhere as the invisible pony squeaks and jumps out of a pile of books near you, finally giving away her position.
- > “Oh! Oh, hey Anon, I didn’t know you were, uh... in here! I was just organizing my… spell books!”
- > You give Spike a look of contempt.
- > He gives it right back, mutually skeptical as to how well Twilight’s “organizing” is going.
- > He shrugs in a way that shows this a normal occurrence.
- > “Ehh, she always does it like this; I just try to ignore her.”
- “I see. Personal section, huh?”
- > Twilight’s eyes glistened in panic as you converged onto the shelf in question, which a considerable amount of books had already been listed.
- > You reach for the book, and the look that sparks on her face that clearly shows her contempt of you even close to her questionable literature; it’s piquing your curiosity like no other,
- > And now it’s your turn to discover a bit about Twilight Sparkle.
- -----
- > “Anon, no! Those are-!”
- > She uses her magic to pull out the book you were reaching for, relocating it across the room.
- > Looking back at her with a dark glare, she gives a sheepish grin in response.
- > *Sqwee*
- > “Ahehehehe… that book is boring, you don’t want to read that.”
- > You reach for the next book; you see it’s titled “Unicorn’s Guide to Maintaining a Healthy Horn”.
- > You can’t help but snort with contempt as that book goes flying too.
- > “That one is… for Unicorns! I don’t think that one would be interesting for you.”
- > You reach for another, it goes flying, unsurprisingly.
- > Another, there that bad boy goes.
- > You didn’t even reach for that one, geez!
- > You shoot both hands at once, using one as a feint as she grabs “How to Help With Your Inner Cutie Mark”.
- > You snatch a novel, untitled, and you book it around a pile.
- > Haha, “book” it.
- > Booked yourself, you mean.
- > Man, that one was confusing.
- > “ANON! That
- > Is
- > PERSONAL!!!”
- -----
- > A violet glow conjures around the book you’re holding, and you muster a death grip on it, ready to hold on tighter than Wander on a Colossus.
- > As you feel the book attempting to leave your grasp, you realize you’re going to prove just how good your grip is.
- > WEEEEEEE!
- > You’re now airborne, holding on for dear life over stubbornness at this point.
- > “ANON YOU LET GO OF THAT BOOK THIS INSTANT!”
- “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAGH!”
- > You manage to hold onto the dubious book when she lowers you in front of her.
- > “Drop. It. That is a personal book, and I don’t want anyone reading it.”
- “Twilight Sparkle, remember when you said that I need to trust you more when you were doing something both random and unknown to something precious of mine?”
- > “What, the gnome? But- that was just-“
- “My turn. Let me go.”
- > An awkward pause occurs, as she turns red from both anger and embarrassment. Lifting her horn, the magic discontinues as you crash into the floor, sending books on top of you.
- > “Fine. But know I don’t approve one bit that you’re going through my books like this.”
- “Trust me, I’ve seen and done a lot worse, missy.”
- > You sit down on what appears to be an actual part of the floor to prep yourself, while Twilight nervously moves about, continuing her work.
- -----
- > Opening the book, you soon realize why there’s a lack of a title;
- > This is a self-written book, as you make out Twilight’s signature.
- > Self-written? Sorry, you mean self-drawn.
- > You’re soon distracted from this as you realize her name is underneath a well done sketch.
- > It’s of some mare laying down in a meadow, a mother it seems.
- > You can see how she drew in a baby foal afterwards, nestling down beside her, both looking into the sky above.
- > It’s crude, but smooth all the same, and while it lacks color, there’s no shortage of brilliance nor appreciation.
- > “W-.. what do you think?”
- > The artist in question is now even more self-conscious that somebody else but herself (and perhaps Spike) knows of her secret passion.
- “This is… give me a moment.”
- > You stand up quickly, teetering for a moment from the sudden movement. She stops with her work, confounded by the sudden change of attitude.
- > “Wait, what? Why?”
- > You leap up to the top floor, settling on a bed to enjoy these drawings.
- > “H-Hey!”
- > These are quite good; she must be quick and discreet to get these kinds of angles and poses.
- > The scenery, how well it’s drawn using only the magic of her horn. It must have taken weeks, months of practice to hone such detail.
- > Twilight, abandoning her work altogether, promptly makes her way up to find you on her bed, sprawled over the sheets.
- > By the nine, she’s turning shades of red you didn’t think possible.
- > Is she going to faint, having so much blood go to her face?
- > Wait, is she seriously fainting?
- > Well cook your chicken in a dishwasher, she is!
- “Twilight!”
- > You leap forward from the bed, catching Twilight mid fall.
- > Spike, sweeping the square foot of floor not covered below, witnesses the event and scrambles to join you.
- > “Geez, what happened?”
- “Looks like she’s not used to males laying her bed, looking at her personal drawings.”
- > “Sigh. She’ll be fine, she’s been stressing so much about organizing that she’s been worrying a lot.”
- > Picking her up, you clearly can tell she’s unconscious, face still red from the overload of emotions.
- > Placing her on her own bed, you cover her with a blanket and lay next to her; you focus back on the drawings, still resting at the foot of the bed.
- -----
- > After a respectable half hour of observing the divine details she’s poured into her artistically genius work, you set the book down, inspired by her unique view on life’s depiction.
- “Hey, Spike, could you fetch me a book?”
- > “A book? Hehe, I can hand you twenty!”
- “I mean a specific one.”
- > He gives a glance over at the giant pile of books, and returns a stare that states bluntly that you can go buck yourself.
- “It’s on the shelf Twilight moved all those books earlier, something about Cutie Marks.”
- > “Oh ho ho! You mean THAT one? Haha, right on it!”
- > Not even a minute later, he comes back up with the ominous looking book.
- > “Here ya go, hehe, enjoy yourself! “
- > The book opens up with little difficulty, and you can tell the spine of the book has been stretched;
- > This book has been opened and likely read pretty often.
- > You can tell this is gonna be a good read, considering it appears to be one of Twilight’s favorites.
- > You empty your mind over the pages, engrossed in the reality of what this book details.
- > Princess Celestia is the author, guaranteeing that this will be interesting.
- > For someone who doesn’t supposedly have time for her little sister, that is.
- -----
- > “The Inner Cutie Mark is a remarkable occurrence indeed. Occurring only for a few ponies, it’s a mysterious imprint on the inner thigh of ponies. Sensitive to the touch, any direct contact can stimulate the pony in ways considered questionable. It’s generally considered an interesting substitute to in place of the cl-“
- > Oh lord, you’ve seen enough anime to know where this is going.
- > Continuing the book in eager interest without revealing the full contents to the readers, you learn the dark secrets of this “inner cutie mark”.
- -----
- > Not out of pure laziness, I assure you!
- > Tyko
- -----
- > You manage to soak in the ridiculous finds of Princess Celestia, humoring yourself at the idea she studied this.
- > You always thought it was just an animation error in the show, but this, this is great.
- > You can’t wait to see who has one. Please, please let Rainbow Dash have one!
- > Aaaand guess who is stirring from her fainting spell?
- > “Eeehm… ugh… wha..?”
- > Coming to, she’s apparently taking a bit to register the fact that she’s in her bed.
- > With you next to her.
- > Reading a book about the existence of an alternative clitoris from her personal stash, written by her loving mentor.
- > “Wuhh… eh?”
- > “EHHHH?!”
- “Twilight, calm the fuck down. This is normal. Nothing is happening.”
- > Trying to recover from a panic attack about to occur, she gradually attempts to calm down, plopping back on her side with a sigh of defeat.
- > “Mind explaining to me why you’re in my bed with me, and I was asleep without any recollection of attempting to do so?”
- “You fainted after seeing my lustful body inviting you over to me, all whilst being sprawled over your bed.”
- > She stares at you in a snap, her eyes growing wide.
- > “Are.. are you fucking serious?”
- “Ha! No, you passed out after seeing me on your bed, though. You’re not used to males being near you so comfortably, I take it.”
- > She decides to try braving the Anon Anthem herself, and pretending she’s completely comfortable with you being a foot away from her. She’s doing a pretty noble job;
- > Until she sees the book in your hands.
- > “Oh Celestia, you read it, didn’t you?”
- > Yup.
- “Maybe.”
- > “Don’t ‘maybe’ me! Uhm.. what did you think of it?”
- > AMUSING, she’s interested in talking about it.
- > Wait, that’s way too awkward.
- > This is like breaking the ice between brothers in trying to talk about porn.
- > Can you break it? Should you break it?
- > “Anon? If this is too awkward, we can, uh…”
- > The look she is giving you is one of expectation.
- > Not for experience, but rather of discussion.
- > Why the master ball throwing not, you haven’t properly had anything on your mind quite as interesting as this for months.
- -----
- “It was a unique book, to say the least. I’m just surprised that Celestia was able to gather enough information on the, uh… subject to put it in a book.”
- > She gives a grin of pride, as if her strict father told her that she makes him proud. Eh?
- > “Well, to be honest, I was actually the one to get most of the information for her. I just didn’t want to be the author of such a… debatable topic.”
- > Explains the smile.
- “Humor me, why did you go so far as to gather material on the Inner Cutie Mark?”
- > She continues her beam, although a bit more guiltily.
- > “Well, it’s because I have one myself, and I was always curious on how I got it.”
- > WELL THEN.
- > She looks down at some point where the blankets are covering her legs;
- > It’s as if she’s pin-pointing where it lies.
- > You look at your own legs-
- > Oh.
- > Oh, snicker doodles.
- > OH SNICKERDOODLES.
- > The Captain: “Our colors are hoisted, and the ship to be plundered is upon on! FULL SPEED AHEAD!”
- > Captain, stand down, STAND DOWN, wrong target!
- > The Captain: “AH, HAHAHA! There be no mistaking that booty to be ours!”
- -----
- > Alright, the person you’re trying to help discuss about what’s been going on with your head is right next to you.
- > About a couple feet, to be precise.
- > In her bed.
- > With a raging boner, and talking with her about sexually sensitive spots.
- > Concentrate, Anon, concentrate!
- > You do not want to seduce her, tempting as it could possibly be.
- > Scratch that; you DO, but you DON’T.
- > You SHOULDN’T. There you go, that’s the better word.
- > You WON’T. Calm yourself the waffle flipping down, Anon!
- > “Hey, uh, Anon, I can’t help but notice you’re quiet and sweating a bit, and uh... it appears you’re sexually aroused.”
- “Yes, Twilight, I am, but please ignore it. I shouldn’t have been acting like this anyhow, you’re a mare and deserve more respect than that.”
- > “Anon.”
- > Pokerface.jpg
- “What..?”
- > She reaches in towards you, her eyes wide open and her mouth puckering.
- > Your eyes shut close in a force that could have crushed diamonds.
- > DAMNIT, DAMNIT, DAMNIT, Friendzone me, DAMNIT!
- >Your head starts to pound, with the beat of your heart slamming around in your chest cavity rocking up your spinal cord.
- > Your life with Rainbow Dash is content; all you ever need is her!
- > But Twilight Sparkle, Luna… they’re all irreplaceable friends;
- > How can you make them all happy if they keep doing this?
- “Twilight, I can’t do this, it’s just-“
- > You feel the contact, how soft her lips are, the tender love coming from them-
- > On your left cheek.
- -----
- > Your eyes pop out as you see Twilight withdrawing, giving her shy grin on her new experience.
- > She looks like she’s ready to write a letter to the Princess.
- > *Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned I fucking love to kiss Anon on the cheek*
- > Giving a blush, she tilts her head at me inquiringly as all the relief pour in your head, thanking each of the three goddesses.
- > Thank you Din, for making such a wonderful world to live in!
- > Oh Farore, thank you so kindly for giving it such gracious land for us to humbly spend our lives!
- > Nayru; I freaking love you, thank you for giving me ponies to uphold the laws of awesomeness!
- > You hurdle over like an adopted puppy that was picked from the litter, pouncing on her and giving her a tight hug.
- > “H-hey! What’s with you Anon, hehe?”
- “Great Scott, thank you Twilight! I was worried that I might have had to work on my restraint here, it’s just I really like Dashie, and I know you’re an awesome pony, but-“
- > “Anon, you think I don’t know that? Come on, now, who do you think I am?”
- > You blink at her thoughtlessly.
- “You, uh.. knew? I didn’t think Rainbow or I told anyone.”
- > “I think everyone knows how Rainbow feels about you, after your time in the hospital. The fact you’re returning her feelings is the best thing ever and you can bet on it that I wouldn’t interfere with that.”
- > Relinquishing your hold on her, you flop over to the side of the bed, sitting up.
- > You think you just came in all of this excitement.
- > The Captain: “We may have gone empty handed this time, but next time, NEXT TIME!”
- “Well, I’m glad about that. As long as we know our limits, I don’t mind talking about these kinds of things with you, Twilight. As long as you can ignore, y’know…”
- > She points at the Captain, who’s swinging his sword away at her in his lively pirate spirit.
- > “That happens again?”
- > You’re not sure if the bluntness is a blessing, or a point of annoyance.
- “Yes, that. Now!”
- > You hop up from your spot, ready for business-
- > After you readjust yourself away from Twilight, of course.
- > “Anon, I forgot, I was supposed to give you something a long while ago, and I JUST found it! Give me a moment to find it again…”
- > Trotting down to the still intimidating masses of books, you walk to the window in the balcony.
- > Admiring the scene, you can’t help but want to draw a picture yourself, from here.
- > Inspired once more, you take in the details of the bustling world below you, the cycle of life in the city of Ponyville.
- -----
- > Close your eyes. Feel the wind, the soothing flow of the warmth generated from the afternoon sun.
- > How it runs through your skin, a mock imitation of the real thing, but the feel on the hair of your arms makes it feel so believable.
- > The gusts of nature gathering around you, you take in the sight surrounding you once more, sound becoming mute as time trickles down to a walk.
- > It’s just like before, and you don’t feel everything normally, yet you feel everything at the same time, a paradox of sensation.
- > You see the patterns of ponies walking about below, erratic yet naturally logical. The way they move, the numbers they follow, all perfect in the upkeep of order for this world to continue.
- > The stone roads they traverse are filled with smooth rocks, clattering as somepony passes by before settling back in its resting place.
- > Even then the occasional piece gets knocked about, the rock going unnoticed as it bounces to its new home.
- > As if it displaced the spot it now occupied, another one gets kicked somewhere across the road, the first being stepped on and pressed back into the road.
- > The system of everything here works under is perfect, flawless; a greased machine that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.
- > “..A..”
- > How can one not appreciate the beauty of this? Is this what it means to see the bigger picture of the world? Or are you just looking too deep into this?
- > “Uhm, Anon?”
- > Sound returns just as soon as it left, and you realize you’ve been ignoring Twilight, who’s been standing behind you, an eyebrow raised.
- > “Anon, what were you doing…?”
- “I don’t know how I noticed it, but I’m seeing a pattern of everything, it’s like a diagram before me, and everything is ticking just right.”
- > She walks past you, hopefully able to see the philosophy behind what you described.
- > Straining over it for a minute of intense observation, she turns back at you and gives a shrug.
- > “I guess I can see that there’s a pattern in stuff, but... I just don’t see it the level you do. Maybe I’m just distracted?”
- > You shrug just as well, not as fascinated by the topic so much as perturbed.
- > She does an interesting motion with her hoof, and materializes a box out from nowhere.
- > A small container of wood, it looked like it has a simple latch, and opened in a manner similar to a compass.
- > “Here you go, Anon! I made this cool box long ago for you; you can make almost any kind of mustache you want! It was a neat trick I thought you’d like.”
- > Taking the box, you open it nonchalantly, and see a classic and bushy black mustache. Raising the bushy entity to your upper lip, you feel it lightly suction to you, and you give it a good stroke.
- > Well, the Lakers be damned, this feels nice!
- > Perhaps you should grow out one, make yourself into an 80’s porn star.
- > Hell, let’s just keep this bad boy on your face, it is pretty spiffy.
- > It is pretty spiffy.
- > Pretty spiffy.
- > Spiffy.
- > IT’S THE MUSTACHE,YOU SWEAR!
- -----
- “Wait, you said you had this made for me long ago? I don’t ever remember that, even though quite frankly my mind’s been a bit hazy as of late.”
- > She gives a hurt look, as if this memory is the sole reason for her eternal happiness.
- > “You really don’t remember, Anon? When we first finished building your house, I told you I was gonna bring it over…”
- > Oh, the box…
- > The Chest of fucking WONDERS!
- > Wait. You stare at the box in your hand, admiring its cache of hairy mysteries.
- > This thing was the..?
- “Twilight, I have a chest at home when I first got there that does… a lot. I thought it was you that sent that.”
- > How can ponies look so confused? Sure, you just threw a conundrum at Twilight Sparkles, of all ponies, but still!
- > She finishes it with a serious focus on you, as if she’s about to proclaim you have cancer.
- > Shit’s serious, yo!
- > “I don’t think that was from me, Anon.. what does it do?”
- > *Gulp*
- > Do you tell her? It’s a pretty upright paradox to this world as it is, including the things you’ve pulled out of it;
- > Mostly iconic weaponry, but details- who needs em?
- > Fine, she’s your Otacon supposedly anyways; if anyone knew, she’d be the one to explain it.
- “Twilight, there’s a lot I need to tell you, but I think I better start in order…”
- -----
- > You explain to her about everything that’s considered extraordinary;
- > As if being entrapped in a hysterical cartoon world infested with crazy ponies was not on that list.
- > You’re still convinced you’re the one insane, which would easily explain this all.
- > “My Little Pony Chronicles: Anon the Schizophrenic”.
- > That’d be what you’d call the story, if this was ever written.
- > Yup.
- > You cover all the bases with Twilight:
- - The fact you came here;
- - The fact you know everybody here thanks in your interest in MLP from your previous life;
- - The chest that conjures (discriminately on occasion, you might ask) a general item of what you request of it;
- - A Gundam attacking you;
- - These sudden aching pains that go beyond the normal threshold;
- - The occasional sudden need to pass out;
- > And, more importantly, the latest events:
- - How Derpy was convincingly known as Ditzy Doo before you had what seemed to be a heart attack;
- - How during the attack, you entered a realm of nothingness, and witnessed Death once more;
- - Having a vicious fight with said Death, all the meanwhile trying to make sense from his elusive talk;
- - A car accident scene that you likely participated in;
- - And a scene where you were likely and forcibly brought out of your world here for a moment.
- > Damn, that’s a lot of background plot recap.
- -----
- > Meanwhile, back in the main room, you both sit at a table near the once more ominous pile of books.
- > Ok, they’re not ominous, but if a pillar of them were to collapse, it would seriously hurt, man!
- > Twilight, absorbing in all the info you’ve given here in detail, has written a diagram of all of this down, combining it with whatever previous findings she’s managed to pull out of the blue.
- > You can’t help but admire that even this drawing looks well done.
- “I forgot to say earlier, that your drawings were unlike what I’ve ever seen.”
- > She stops for a moment, looking up at you with a mixture of uncertainty and amusement.
- > “That’s good, right?”
- “They are stunning, Twilight.”
- > Small curvy grin, the perfect smile.
- > “Anyways… I’ve finished analyzing this information, but I need to ask some questions, before I give my best educated guess.”
- “Alright, shoot.”
- > Twilight Sparkle uses her horn to pull another box out of nowhere, almost the same shape and size as the treasure you have in your pocket.
- > The mustache is staying on. Its bushiness compels you to.
- “Alright, so what’s this?”
- > “This is another cool box I made, just like the box that summons any mustache. However! This is something I wanted to give Rarity, because it does gems!”
- > DAMN! Gems that you can get anytime from a box?
- > Rarity would love you forever if that was given to her.
- > “Go ahead, give it a shot!”
- > Without much more persuasion needed, you open the container, hoping for the Hope Diamond.
- > For a split second, your mind freezes, and a negative image of the world flashes, seizing your mind for a smallest splinter of a second. Ignoring what was likely an awkward blink, you look below at the sight.
- > Ok, the Hope Diamond is too big for this box, but damn, this sparkling gem looks just fine.
- > Pulling it out, both yours and Twilight Sparkle’s eyes widen at its beauty.
- > A flawless diamond, almost too real to be a part of this world, shimmers brilliantly in your hand.
- “I wonder if this would pay back Celestia for all that stuff she gave- hey, Twilight, are you alright?”
- > She’s fallen off her chair, stumbling backwards towards the wall, with a look of terror written all over her face.
- > “No… NO!”
- -----
- “… Twilight?”
- > You look at the diamond and back at her, and give a good look around to make sure Death isn’t sitting nearby.
- > Outside near a window, he’s actually nearby; however, he’s hiding quite well from anybody’s sight, just waiting to take you down.
- > He pulls out some sort of wooden makeshift radio.
- > “Activate it.”
- > Meanwhile Spike, dusting the inside of a cabinet, sees Twilight having a fit of mania, running over to her in an instant.
- > “W-wha, what’s going on, here? Did something happen?!”
- > You stand up, and begin walking over to Twilight quickly, worried over what possesses her.
- > “DON’T! JUST, STOP!”
- > Negativeimageofyou.png
- > She’s afraid of.. you?
- > But… why? Was the diamond too decent of a find?
- > Are ponies fearful of diamonds? That’s absurd.
- > You look down at the dazzling gem in your hand…
- > And so does Spike.
- > His newly dislocated jaw destroys the floor, going through it as it drops to the dirt below.
- > “HOLY @#$%, that is a NICE diamond!”
- > In a trance to its allure, he steadily hops in a passionate manner, eyes set on the precious stone.
- > Twilight, sweat running down her face and quite content with being glued to that wall, snaps out of her fear as her trusty assistant comes closer to you.
- > “Spike… don’t!”
- > Giving a shrug, you toss the diamond to Spike, who gleefully snatches it, midair.
- “All yours, it looks like it’s causing me more trouble than it’s worth.”
- > “Thanks, man! Cheers!”
- > “SPIKE!”
- > He downs the whole thing, savoring its flavor for a moment.
- > After a moment’s pause of swallowing it, he gives a mighty belch, the gods pleased at his calling.
- > The face he’s making is giving off the vibe of him either having the best dessert ever,
- > Or he just came.
- -----
- > Moments after the unexciting dinner incident, Twilight is STILL perspiring.
- > She’s sweltering like a sinning prostitute in a church on a Sunday morning, and it’s confession time.
- > She’s seriously stirring your jimmies now, though. You did nothing wrong that you knew of, and unless you grew horns that matched the mustache, she needs to chill the Articuno out.
- > You rip off the mustache and shove it in your pocket; this is not the time, much to Spike’s disappointment.
- > “Aww, I thought it looked good on you, too.”
- “Twilight, what is wrong with you?”
- > Twilight: “What’s wrong with me?! You’re impossible!”
- “That doesn’t even make sense, and you’ve used that line before!”
- > “But you are! You’re impossible!”
- “I’m a fucking human in the middle of pony land, talking to one who can conjure magical mustaches and IwillnotstandhereandbetoldIamimpossibleconfoundYOU!”
- > Several breathes were taken, as you try to calm yourself down.
- > Twilight is still terrified of you, for whatever hay picking reason.
- > You go back to your seat, sit down, close the “stupid box of objects that scare Twilight shitless”, and lean back.
- “Look. I’m weird; I’m not supposed to be here. I’m an anomaly in itself, and yes, I am an impossibility and do not make sense; but we knew this beforehand, alright? There’s no reason to fear me, all of a sudden.”
- > Moments pause, dead silence developing between the three of you;
- > Not even the softest of farts would go unheard in here.
- > She sighs, realizing the pointlessness of this scene, and attempts to pretend she did not, in fact, see a shinigami. She makes her way back to her table in the slowest and most cautious way possible.
- > She sits down carefully, as if she was anticipation of a whoopy cushion.
- > Alright, you need to do something to convince her she’s not going to blow up.
- “Erm, Twilight?”
- > “Y-y-y-yes?”
- “Lean. Forward.”
- > She’s trying to act friendly, but it’s taking every ounce of her nerves to obey your request.
- > Leaning forward towards you, you swear she’s about to break in tears.
- “Close your eyes.”
- > She does so, in a way that feels like she’s accepting the death penalty.
- > Spike, bewildered by what’s going on and still content with life after that diamond, goes to another pile of books.
- > “I’mma, uh.. gonna leave you two be, sounds like something’s going on here.”
- > Giving him a nod, you turn back at the mare in question.
- > You seriously wish to give a karate chop to knock some sense in her.
- > Maybe a poke in the forehead to stir the jimmies of mainstream anime watchers.
- > You settle with a pat on the head.
- > “A-Anon..?”
- “Did you seriously forget earlier? You’re a wonderful friend to me, and no matter what happens, I’ll always be the same, no matter what. I’m Anon, after all, nothing special beyond my awesome gnomes and ability to leap ridiculous heights.”
- > She opens her eyes, still in apprehension.
- “Come on, you need to relax; I am, right? I don’t know what’s going on yet, but it’s no big deal if it means I’m here with you, ok?”
- > It appears this has restored her spirit somewhat, as she smiles,
- > And begins to cry.
- “Wait, no! I don’t even know what the fuck is going on, why are you crying?”
- > “I… I need another one… one of those hugs, Anon; this… this is hard…!”
- > REQUEST ACCEPTED!
- -----
- > You knock your chair over as you rush to her side, picking her up and swinging her over your shoulders in a decently comical manner.
- > “OOF!”
- > Your hands in her mane, you hold her tightly in an embrace that could inspire the d’aww of many everywhere.
- > Snapshot it, baby, that’s true friendship right there!
- > Look at that magic working, right there!
- > Friendship is mother bucking magic, bitches!
- > Holding her close as she continues to let lose a torrent of tears, you try your best to comfort her.
- “Twilight, I have faith in you, and no matter what you tell me, I’ll be fine. So stop fretting over whatever is wrong, and help finish up answering whatever questions you had, so we can figure this out.”
- > She sniffles on your shoulder, and you set her back down, using a sleeve to wipe a tear from her eye.
- > “Thanks, Anon, I’m glad you can be so strong in times like these…”
- > You point at yourself with your thumb, striking a pose cookie cutted out of Guren Lagann.
- “Of course, who the hell do you think I am?”
- > Kicking your chair back up and sitting back down like the boss you are, you focus on the recovering Twilight.
- “You’d think I wouldn’t be so chipper, considering I almost croaked a few days ago, huh?”
- > “Hehe.. right..”
- > She starts to get back in her serious mode, pressing her hooves together in a professional manner;
- > If that’s even possible, she looks remarkably like a plotting genius.
- > “Alright, Anon… you see this box that gave out the diamonds?”
- “Yup, thing landed Spike a nice fat diamond.”
- > “Well, up until about five minutes ago, that thing was a useless empty box. It had no powers or anything, whatsoever.”
- > …
- > LOL WAT
- -----
- “Blubeh, bubo… HYEH!”
- > You clear your throat, trying to make sense out of what the netherworld you’re trying to say.
- “Come now, be serious. We both saw that diamond appear, and I bet another will come, right?”
- > She gives a gulp, and nods.
- > “It should, give it a shot.”
- > Out pops a ruby this time. You like rubies!
- > Twilight cringes at this, but keeps up her valiant form.
- > “Anon, when I said I made this for Rarity with magi;, that was a complete lie. In fact, I pulled this out of a crate I found earlier.”
- > She gestures at a cardboard container in the corner, full of
- > The same
- > Damn
- > Boxes. What?
- “But, what about the mustaches? Don’t tell me..?”
- > “No, that is real! Quite easy to make, actually, it was a neat little spell where-“
- “Twilight.”
- > “Oh, right.. but yes, this box was as empty and normal as all those other ones until you touched and used it. Gems are not normally possible to conjure, otherwise there’d be a lot more of them.”
- “They wouldn’t be as precious, I get that. But why… how…?”
- > This thing is just like the chest of wonders back at home.
- > Was that thing just an ordinary chest, as well?
- > “Anon, the way you described everything else, the heart attack, the dying, the coming back, and Derpy especially, it sounds like you altered reality.”
- > Lol, does this mare watch Haruhi Suzumiya, or what?
- > Wait, anime in Equestria, never mind, lol.
- -----
- “That’s impossible, Twilight. While I might question a lot of things here as reality, I can’t exactly do much beyond run and jump.”
- > Twilight raises an eyebrow.
- > “The gems that made you yellow and super fast when you first came here.”
- “Chaos Emeralds, figment of my imagination.”
- > “The large robot thing you used to fight Discord and Fluttershy.”
- “Illogical, but there was an effect of Chaos and irregularities at the time. He summoned one too, right?”
- > “The senzu bean, the crowbar, and the Patriot, all materialized from the chest.”
- > You raise a finger, ready to refute.
- > She got you on that one.
- “Magic?”
- > “The Derpy identity change you talked about, this box.”
- “Ok, so things are a bit weird, and I might be able to do little things that isn’t considered normal-“
- > “You think changing a pony’s identity to the world is a fucking little thing?!”
- > You clam right up at the shout, losing whatever battle you thought you had running about a minute ago.
- > “You’re doing things, with or without you realizing it, that’s changing this world. My world. OUR world.”
- > You hang your head, trying to figure this brain buster out, all the while feeling guilty for unknowingly destroying the boundaries of reality of someone else’s world.
- > That sounds so bloody weird in your head.
- “Alright, let’s say this is true. Does that mean if I wanted to, I can turn this diamond producing box into a box that gives apple seeds at will?”
- > She stops, her face set in stone on the neutralized fear she has on it.
- > “Well, in theory, yes, but please-“
- > You snatch that cursed box up before she can finish her sentence, and focus intently on
- > Hundreds
- > Thousands
- > Of nothing but pouring apple seeds.
- > “Anon, please-!”
- > You ignore here as you open the box and witness the flowing of-
- > Emeralds galore, the heck?
- > You close it in a panic, latch it, and toss the box angrily into the crate with the rest of the damned things.
- -----
- > You both stare at the small pile of green gems on the table, bewildered;
- > By the fact there’s now a heaping pile of emeralds on the table.
- “Well? I wanted apple seeds, and look what it gave me.”
- > She stares at the gems intently, flustered that you ignored her.
- > You feel worse for disregarding her. Next time you’ll heed to her wishes better.
- > “Did you believe the seeds were going to come out?”
- “Wha-? Of course, I imagined seeds flying the fuck out of it.”
- > “But you just saw it make gems earlier, didn’t you?”
- > You think on this little point. Alright, so you might’ve had a doubt that it’d work.
- > Reality bending is a bit ludicrous, after all.
- “True, but what’s your point?”
- > She gives a sigh, facehoofing herself before continually giving you a look like she now is the master on the subject.
- > “Well, if you think in your head that they’ll appear, that’s one thing. You have to solely believe it to be reality for it to work though, like how I convinced you it originally gave out gems.”
- > Something clicked in your head at this fact.
- “Was that why you were freaking out, earlier? Because you realized what happened, despite it being your plan?”
- > She gulps, a look of guilt on her face, before nodding.
- > SHE’S FUCKING L!
- > SHE’S TRYING TO FIND YOUR DEATH NOTE!
- -----
- “Damn, Twilight, that was pretty brilliant, and if I’m to believe you, which I will, I gotta admit that was a pretty badass move, even if you did trick me!”
- > She shows off her smile of pride again, back to her old self.
- > “I didn’t think it’d work, and when it did- WOW! Talk about a plot twist!”
- > She picks up an emerald, looks at it, and slides it across the table to you.
- > “If you’re having any doubts now, this is your proof- look at it.”
- > You pick it up, admiring how shiny its green color flows, the light behind it the same shade of forest.
- > Wait. What is Kaye’s name is that- a flaw?
- > You squint closer, and you see a small object in the gem.
- > An apple seed.
- “Well, I’ll be damned.”
- -----
- > Death: [Very quietly to himself] “I’ve done that to you sixteen times over, seventeen it is.”
- > Death reaches for the oddly made walkie talkie again.
- > “What is taking you fools so fucking long? The asshat you’re supposed to be killing is sitting in here, realizing the truth behind the situation!”
- > A voice crackles in response, Filthy Rich’s voice coming in hazily.
- > “We almost got it ready, boss! Even my mass amounts of wealth can’t speed the process of this thing being created!”
- > “I don’t give a flying asscrack for excuses! I don’t WANT excuses! I want fucking results! SO HURRY UP!”
- > Three voices chip in response.
- > “Yes, sir!”
- -----
- > Twilight Sparkles nods enthusiastically at discovering all of this, before takes her solemn tone again.
- > “There’s a huge problem in this, Anon, and I’m sure you know what it is.”
- > You look into her eyes with a glance of determination.
- “I swear not to take over the world.”
- > She stares at you.
- > You stare back.
- > This is just as bad as your gnomes, and things are heating up in here.
- > She lowers her eyes, giving a dramatic sigh.
- > “That’s not what I am referring to, and I know you won’t. I’d have Rainbow Dash kick your butt before I let that happen.”
- > Damn, she IS good.
- > Thank god she’s on your side.
- -----
- “Alright, so the fears of world domination are now quelled; what else is there to worry about, chocolate rain?”
- > She gives a snort at this nostalgic memory.
- > “Pinkie Pie might appreciate you more, but you’re forgetting as to just HOW you got this gift, this power in the first place. Any ideas?”
- “Fuck if I know. Good looks?”
- > “ANON!”
- “Alright, alright! I’ll be serious: I don’t have a clue.”
- > “Well, I do, and plenty of them to be honest.”
- “Hit me with them.”
- > “Well, tell me what you think, ignoring this circumstance, in what times of ‘reality’ would this be able to happen?”
- “Well, if I were to get the Triforce, I suppose this could have occurred…”
- > Her face shoots you a confused look.
- “It’s uh.. nothing… hm… hm… not sure, Twilight, what do you think?”
- > She gives a studious look, taking glances at her diagram and calculates things in her head.
- > God, she looks so cute when she’s thinking so hard.
- > “Well, I can only come up with two possible events for this impossibility. One, the Pony Goddesses above gifted you with a power as a way of saying ‘sorry, you’re stuck here!’.”
- > You swear, even if she doesn’t understand the proximity of it, you two are quite close on guessing.
- > “The next, and more reasonable to the craziness so far is, well…
- > “People can control things in their dreams, especially lucid ones.”
- -----
- > Blink.
- > Anon, you need to blink, your eyes are drying out.
- “Alright, gimme a second.”
- > “Anon?”
- > There’s one easy way to wake yourself up if you were dreaming, and you never bothered to do it before.
- > You stand up, and salute an astounded Twilight Sparkle, who’s skeptically pondering on your next move.
- “Farewell, Twilight. If this works, I hope to see you again one day.”
- > Target: Balls.
- > Target Locked!
- > “Uh, Anon, what are-“
- > FALCON-
- > PAAAAAUNCH!
- “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHOOOOOOOOOO!”
- > Maybe pinching yourself would have sufficed, but you decided to big or go home;
- > Well, go big TO go home.
- > But right now your brain power is dedicated to one thing-
- > To point out that you just fucking obliterated the S.S. Harry Dickens with a well-aimed fist,
- > And how obscenely retarded you are, as you land on your knees, and your face slams into the ground.
- > “Anon! Are you ok?!”
- “AWWWWWWWWWOOOOONNGGAAAA.”
- > “I can’t believe you did that! You should have known that pain would have woken you up long ago if that was possible!”
- “ONGA WONGA DONGAAAAAAA.”
- > For the next few minutes consisted of Twilight patting your back as you howled your miseries away, praying for the magic to work faster;
- > Make that ten minutes.
- -----
- > Yeah. Twenty minutes later, you very humbly (and VERY slowly) sit back in your chair, your eyes drying up from the tears you’ve mustered.
- > Not even Aerith’s death scene made you cry that much.
- > Not even Grave of the Fireflies.
- > Or /mlp/ fanfic.
- > Ugh, it hurts so bad, why the flying fuck would you disregard the safety of your testicles?
- > Bro Rule #179: Under no circumstances, reality or dreaming, should you ever intentionally do harm to your balls or anything attached hereof.
- “Alright… ugh… so let’s say I’m not in a dream, and the higher powers didn’t gift me…”
- > The look on her face is grim. It sobers up the pain in your crotch almost instantly.
- > “Yes, you are, but it’s not… just a dream. Don’t you see?”
- > Time to think.
- > Enter Sage Mode of Seeing Shit
- > Brain: “Oh hey, Anon, welcome back, guess what happened while you were away?”
- > You: “What’s that?”
- > Brain: “Some stupid asshole that looked just you punched you in the balls!”
- > You: “Well, no shit, huh?”
- > Yeah, that hospitalized hamster in your head has been a wheelchair for a while now, poor thing.
- “No…”
- > “Are you… really that blind? Anon… I think… you almost got killed before you came to Equestria, and you might be in a… in a…”
- “A coma, Twilight.”
- > By George if you had to say it, but it made all the marvelous sense in the world.
- > You’re dead, or bucking close to it.
- “I’m guessing if what I saw with the accident is right, I was in a car and it didn’t go well. Now I’m in a world in my head, keeping me in constant REM as some sort of coma.”
- > It makes more and more sagacity as you toss in more puzzle pieces to fit in.
- > When you dream in the white world, it’s not you dreaming of people,
- > You seriously hear their voices from your head;
- > But you just can’t respond.
- “Then, when I had that heart attack, it was..?”
- > “Real, very likely. Your body may be failing as we speak, we may never know until it happens.”
- > Are you serious?
- -----
- > Are you fucking kidding me? Even if it is true, this is the biggest load of horseshit you’ve yet to deal with;
- > And you live in Ponyville, with PONIES-
- > They SHIT! IT’S FUCKING HORSESHIT.
- “I could die any moment… and this is all a well conjured part of my imagination… is my head trying to tell me something while I’m like this?”
- > Twilight sighs, feeling as if there is already a death in her hands.
- > Maybe she’s right, who the cotton picking knows?
- > “I… I just don’t know. All I know is what you said earlier, and that I am as real to me as it gets, and I’ll continue to believe I’m real. You need to decide what is best to think, and to follow with it in the end.”
- > Think.
- > THINK, DAMNIT.
- > USE YOUR HEAD.
- “You’re… Twilight Sparkle.”
- > “Yes…”
- “I’m… Anon, I think. That better be my fucking name.”
- > “You’re Anon to me, that’s all that matters, as well that I’m Twilight Sparkle to you. This is Equestria, no matter how you try to look at it. Even if it’s a universe in the palm of your hand, it’s a universe just like any other one would be.”
- > You humbly take these words in mind, your chest starting to hurt.
- > Calm your happy ass down, you won’t die just yet.
- > As Death is still peeping through a window, the cloak around his decayed skull swaying in the wind.
- > Suddenly, good news and sweet success serenades his ears when the radio crackles once more.
- > “B-… Boss… it’s ready! *Heavy mechanical whirring noise* We’re ready to take him out!”
- > Death gives a most dastardly smile; even if you did realize everything, in his eyes you were still in the dark.
- > “There’s so much you don’t know…”
- > “*Crackle* What was that, boss?”
- > Death lifts the radio to give the final command of the conversation.
- > “Execute Order #66.”
- > “It will be done, my lord.”
- -----
- “Even know all of this, I can’t help but think the same. I’ve spent over three months here, and I’ve gotten used to what has been tossed at me, and I think I’ll keep going with that. I have a cool house, awesome friends, all the gnomes I ever wanted, and all the time in the world to delve into the idea of sexual contact with ponies.”
- > Twilight Sparkle chokes on her tongue at the last part.
- > “WHAT?”
- “Hey, relax! I was joking! Not really, I will figure out how it works sooner or later.”
- > She’s blushing once again, and you can’t help but smile and wonder:
- > Is she embarrassed because of the topic, or does your mind dictate that this must be reality of her doing so?
- > Princess Luna- Psychology, Psychology Everywhere.
- > “Well, uh, if you need any help on figuring what to do, uhm, let me know, alright? I think I know everything one should.”
- > I’m sure Rainbow Dash would just LOVE that.
- > Speaking of Dashie, it’s been a few hours since she’s slept, you’re going to have to talk with her about things.
- > Wait, tonight
- > Dat party
- > ON THE MOOOOOOOON
- “Hey, uh, Twilight?”
- > Getting off her seat, she’s trying her best to put the situation out of her mind, and resume daily life
- > And failing.
- > “Yeah, what’s up?”
- “Wanna join me and some others to a party tonight?”
- > A loud booming voice rings through the entire neighborhood, Twilight’s house-library-thing included.
- > “Bweheheha! I think we have a party starting RIGHT HERE!”
- > Who is Jimmy Hoffa is that…?
- > You and Twilight Sparkle burst out of her doorway to be greeted by the most bizarre and threatening sight you’ve encountered, yet.
- > Twilight: “What in Celestia’s name…?”
- “Oh, my sweet Granny Smith’s cooking.”
- -----
- > A freakishly medium sized robot is standing outside in the middle of the road, with ponies all around staring flabbergasted at the sight.
- > Fog flowing out of the top of the machine, three ponies slowly rise on a platform to make their appearance;
- > Sapphire Shores: “Prepare for SENSATION!”
- > Filthy Rich: “Double THAT presentation!”
- > You: “Oh lordy, not again!”
- > Twilight: “What?”
- > Sapphire: “To protect Equestria from Anon’s sanity,“
- > Filthy: “To shield our Princess from his gnome-based vanity!”
- [http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x150/tyko2007/jessie-1.png]
- > Sapphire: “Sapphire!”
- [http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x150/tyko2007/james-1.png]
- > Filthy: “I prefer to be called Rich!”
- [http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x150/tyko2007/meowth-1.png]
- > Trixie: “The grrrreat and powwwwerful Trixie is MY pitch!”
- [http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x150/tyko2007/teamradical-1.png]
- > Sapphire: “Team, uh… hey Filthy, what’s our name again?”
- > Filthy: “It’s Rich, not Filthy! Uh, hm. We didn’t quite get that far with the name.
- > Trixie: “Would you TWO-“
- > Sapphire: “Team RADICAL, blasting off in a sonic rainboom!”
- > You: “NOICE.”
- > Filthy Rich: “Let us kill you now, or prepare for dooooom!”
- > Trixie: “KABOOM!”
- > Medium Sized Robot: “Wabba-wabba-… oom.”
- > Trixie, giving a scoff at the mechanical monster trying to put in its own line, kicks it harshly with her hoof.
- > “You pathetic thing! Just do as Trixie controls you to do, and nothing more- do you understand?!”
- > “Bzzzrt! Yes, master. I only wish to dream, ppppzzrup!”
- > “Shaddup! How dare you talk back to the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie!”
- -----
- > As the evil trio, lacking their usual dark attire, pose down at you and Twilight, you can’t help but ponder over the sheer ridiculous of this whole situation;
- > You mean, c’mon! You don’t even have a Pikachu to snatch!
- > Although their intentions sound pretty clear.
- “Guys, why do you want to end me? I don’t think I’ve done anything to tick you off… Filthy, what about your daughter?”
- > Filthy: “It’s RICH! Leave my daughter out of this, this is a personal matter between use and YOU!”
- > Trixie: “Though Trixie could easily beat you with two hooves behind Trixie’s back, this will be an easily overpower as Trixie and these two crrrush you!”
- > “Not while I’m here!”
- > Twilight Sparkle, taking a step forward in the most aggressive way a purple mare could, now stands beside you, ready to fight with her life on the line.
- “Twilight, are you sure? I don’t know how well this can go…”
- > She gives a snort of disbelief at you, clearly not buying the “let me fight alone” talk.
- > “I don’t know about you, but Trixie’s a pushover when it comes to actually pulling things off.”
- > Now, when Trixie saw Twilight Sparkle joining the fray, she was beside herself with vengeance;
- > But the moment Twilight smacked her down, something simply… snapped.
- > Was it her pride from months of hard work, or perhaps it was simply her self-esteem, after having it crushed so ruthlessly under the hoof of Twilight?
- > Only Trixie may ever know, as her neck cricks and her pupils shrink.
- > Gritting her teeth in a way that is most certainly unhealthy, she howls with quivering rage, her mind set on a creating a massacre before her.
- > “RUGH! RAWRUGH!”
- > Filthy: “Trixie, please be civil! We need to do this r-“
- > Trixie: “MAN YOUR POSITIONS!”
- > Sapphire: “WOOOOT!”
- > They quickly lower into the contraption, which looks oddly like a robotic big daddy with pinchers, be it begins to operate in its pristine state. A fairly large looking grill in the front of it, it reminds you of the Bourgeois Bronze Boiler with big brass balls.
- > Except it lacks testicles of any kind.
- > Robot: “I am sorry, dear persons, it appears you will have to bzzzrt perish.”
- “Yeah, ok! Twilight, take my rear!”
- > ”Wait, what?”
- > You put back on the mustache of badassery, and you book it at the hulking machine, much to everyone’s surprise.
- “CHAAAARGE!”
- -----
- > About three seconds later, you’ve launched yourself on top of the robot, doing dance choreography of the most destructive kind.
- > Sadly, this proves to no avail, as it clamps onto you, swinging you into the stone ground.
- > Twilight rushes to your aid, as you steadily begin to recover from playing tackle with the ground.
- > “ANON!”
- “I’m alright, Twilight, I just… made a bad move is all.”
- > “Ha! ‘Anon~’! You make Trixie sick, rough cur! Trixie will show you just how powerful Trixie’s magic has become!”
- > A shadow casts over Twilight’s face, her eye beginning to twitch.
- > “You hurt Anon…”
- > Sapphire: “We do what we must, because, we can!”
- > Twilight: “You... hurt…”
- > Filthy: “Oh come, just move out of the way, we don’t want to cause any more fatalities than we have to.”
- > Twilight: “Anon…”
- “Twilight…”
- > “Anon, please grab one of those boxes inside.”
- > She wants you to break the laws of reality? Fine by you, as you stagger off inside.
- > “And please,” she says, a tear running down her cheek, “please forgive me for what I’m about to do.”
- -----
- > Trixie: “What a coward! Trixie thinks this whole mess between this useless mare and the scaredy cat Anon is nothing more th-“
- > “YOU HURT ANON! I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!”
- > Twilight’s body levitates, as runes encircle her; her eyes glow pupil-less, and her mane and tail catches into a spiral flame of purple. Her horn glows with a might like none other, as flashes flicker off of it.
- > Trixie: “What, in the…?”
- > A sturdy book crashes out of the library’s , flaring in front of the empowered mare, and its pages whirl until it stops at a particular page, as Twilight peers into it.
- > “You will PAY! Canterlot’s Justice, Spell #243: Titanic Destruction!”
- > As you finally grab a random box, you exit just in time to see the incantation unleash it’s hell, a sphere of magic absorbing into the ground.
- > Following the cracks of the ground, it spreads under the machine before erupting the gravel underneath it.
- > Before it could fall to the infinite sewers below, however, it grabs a nearby light post and launching itself out of harm’s way, warping the pole in the process.
- > Filthy: “Oooh hoo ho hoo, nice save, Sapphire!”
- > Sapphire: “Hahahaaa, it was pretty genius, if I don’t say so myself!”
- > Trixie: “Time for Trixie to show what magic Trixie’s learned!”
- > Suddenly, the grill in the machine begins to glow a hot coal red.
- > Robot: “Burn sequence, initiated.”
- “Twilight, watch out, she’s going to use f-“
- > Trixie: “PK~! FIIIIREEE!”
- > You in front of Twilight just in time as a pillar of flames spits out of the devilish machine, a plume of incineration enough to take out the entire house.
- > Library, thing, whatever it is.
- > You know your chances of survival were just cut down to a devastating low, but who would you be if you didn’t protect the ones you love?
- > You would rather perish with her than fight alone.
- > The flames consume you, and you feel the intense heat burn your skin away, as you grasp your body around Twilight to protect her from the flames.
- -----
- > After a few moments of a valiant pose, you open your eyes to realize that you are not being toasted into a burnt waffle.
- “What… but how…?”
- > You let go of Twilight, whom returned to her normal self, and had witness the powerful barrier she’s projected over the two of you, as well as her entire home.
- “Twilight, good work! Now I just need to-“
- > “Anon, hurry, I can’t… do this for much longer…”
- > With flames battering the barrier in an intense barrage of heat, she’s slowly losing in a game of attrition, much to Trixie’s delight.
- > “I KNEW you couldn’t match the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie! You are nothing but smoke, just like when I turn you and this guy into ASHES!”
- > Team Radical’s trio laughs obnoxiously at having the sever advantage here, as you see sweat working on Twilight’s brow, concentration working her into another faint.
- > “Twilight, open a hole in the force field to our right, about 45 degrees up.”
- > She looks at you, bewildered at the command.
- > “Anon, that’ll take you right over the pit I just m-“
- “I know, but you have to trust me, just do it!”
- > She gives you a hard stare, and eventually sighs with a chuckle.
- > “You better come back alive, there’s more things we need to discuss.”
- > A hole to the side opens, flames flickering in through the vent.
- > You crouch down, ready to do your Equestria famous leap, before you give her a hearty smirk.
- “Geez, do you think I’m flammable or something?”
- -----
- > As Team Radical attempts to turn Twilight’s barrier well-done, they take a moment to realize something burst from the flames, over the hovel in the street.
- > Filthy: “I say, what in glorious name is…?”
- > You apparently are flammable, despite your best efforts to believe not so.
- > Your pants aflame, you begin spinning wildly out of control to put it out as you open the small box in your hand, pulling out the small circular object in your palm.
- > Crashing and rolling onto the other side of the pit, you loop a string around your middle finger from the little nifty toy you grabbed, and begin, once again, a hearty charge at the robot.
- > Sapphire: “Does he think he can take us head on again? Robot, turn your attention to Anon!”
- > Trixie, flustered with this turn of events, pulls the controls to keep the flames of doom on the barrier.
- > “Twilight is still beating Trixie’s fire with her magic barrier! Trixie must-!”
- > Filthy: “Trixie, our goal is Anon! Twilight is just-!”
- > Trixie: “TRIXIE DOES NOT CARE! Trixie will take BOTH of them out!”
- > As you close the distance, you swing out your tool of their demise; a shining yellow yo-yo, with the word “Mother” plastered on each side.
- > Mr. Robot is forced to vertically chop at you, all the meanwhile continuing his flames of chaos unleashed.
- > Unleashing your wild fury, you swing the yo-yo with enough force to knock the arm backwards,
- > Driving the deranged machine to turn its burning grill in your direction.
- “Well, fuck!”
- > Launching yourself on top of the machine, the trio realizes where you are as you slash away at the machine with a yo-yo strong enough to shred steel.
- > Filthy: “Deactivate the flames!”
- > Robot: “Deactivating, now I shall pray for a soul.”
- > Trixie: “What?!”
- > Filthy: “Trixie… this is my home, I won’t let you burn it down!”
- > Sapphire: “SENSATIONAL!”
- > The three begin fighting while you unbridle your anger in a barrage, destroying the arms out of the machine’s sockets.
- > You see the smoke clear, and a Twilight standing valiant, her legs ready to give out from under her.
- > As you both make eye contact, you nod at each other, and you continue your flurry while Twilight pulls out a spell.
- > “Canterlot’s Justice, Spell #127: The Lunar Cannon!”
- -----
- > Her horn glows with a mighty hue, and a sphere follows the same path as its predecessor, falling onto into the hole into the depths below.
- > WHOA, she learned the….?
- > The ground begins to shake, nearly taking you off of your feet.
- > “Anon, get off, it’s going to-!”
- > Without a need for a second warning, you launch yourself off the beaten machine, and just in time; Out of the hole comes a giant gloved hand, mechanically extended, and clenches it’s palm around the entire machine.
- > Team Radical, who has since stopped fighting to see what in Cooking Mama is going on, they find themselves blanketed in darkness.
- > Trixie: “Trixie demands who turned off the sun!”
- > Sapphire: “I don’t like this, Rich!”
- > Filthy: “Wruh wroh?!”
- > Lifting them into the air, the massive hand drags them to what can only be assumed to the bowels of hell, but, like the titular spell says, a colossal cannon is raised from below, the robot’s body lodged at the end of the barrel.
- > The trio: “Wuh… what? Were we defeated?!”
- > You stroke your manly pseudo mustache, before giving a the most dramatic thumbs up.
- “It looks like you have, villains; before you go, I have one thing I’d like to ask.”
- > Filthy: “You’ll never know why we came to kill you!”
- > Sapphire: “You’ll never know who our SENSATIONAL~ boss is!”
- > Trixie: “You’ll never be safe from the likes of the Evil League of Awesome Villains!”
- > You pause for a moment… Evil League. Now you have many questions to ask, but as they pointed out, it appears the likelihood of getting a straight answer is zilch.
- > The cannon begins whirring, pressure building up in dynamic proportions.
- “My question is,”
- > You pull out a pair of shade, putting them on ever so smoothly.
- “Do you like bananas?”
- > Before they had a chance to answer, the forceful burst forth in a way that could only be described as a glorious Shoop da Woop, thrusting them into the general direction of the moon.
- > Filthy: “Looks like we were ‘handed’ a defeat!”
- > Sapphire: “They just ‘blew us away’, we had no chance!”
- > Trixie: “Trixie demands that you stop these horrid puns! They’re ‘burning’ our reputation!”
- > “Looks like Team Radical is blasting off again!”
- > *ding!*
- -----
- > The road begins to repair itself with the last of Twilight’s magic, as the cannon makes it ominous descent.
- > As you hop over, you pocket your devastating yo-yo, and give a pat on Twilight’s back.
- > “I… did it…”
- “You did wonderful, Twilight, now take some rest, you’re going to need it for tonight.”
- > She gives a quirky but tired blush, pondering on what you could possibly mean.
- > “What… what?”
- “Did you forget? Tonight we party,
- > ON THE
- > MOOOOOOON!”
- > The end.
- [Kudos to Ghosty for making the photos]
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