Red Rum Rebellion: Chapter 1

>Celestia: “Yes, Pinkie, for the eleventh time; he’ll be alright. He’s just in need of a little medical attention.”

>Pinkie: “But he’s just sitting there in his wheelchair! I wanna go have some FUN with him!”

>Twi: “He’s been incapacitated ever since we captured and banished Luna, Pinkie Pie… I know it’s been almost a week, but he needs his, err, rest.”

>Pinkie: “He’s drooling! How can I be fine if he’s going to lay in bed all day slobbering over himself!? Can’t you use magic and heal him?”

>Celestia: “We’ve done everything we can, Pinkie Pie. The only thing that can save him and his legs is time.”

>kill.

>you must… kill them

>the kindness is a mere façade… kill the royalty, kill the traitors, kill them all

>tell Pinkie to cut their throats, right now, do it!

>but… your head, it’s… spinning, you can’t explain yourself

>you don’t understand anything anymore; where you’re at, what you’re doing, the day, the time…

>the action would have been rash, anyways… needs to be… calculated

>the throat to the average human yields its entire blood bank within two hundred and forty seconds if the carotid artery is severed

>the consciousness is gone within seconds, and the brain irreparably dead within ten minutes

>Octavia: “Perhaps if we move him to his own home instead of Canterlot’s hospital, given his stabilized state, he’ll recover faster?”

>a quick beheading would yield greater results, life span expectancy ends within seconds, and the brain shuts down almost pronto

>Twi: “I… I don’t know. He should be alright by now, but with how he’s acting…”

>you’d rather cut into her gut in a way she couldn’t heal it, a few hours of agonizing torture as her stomach acid eats into her intestines

>Celestia: “He’s in some sort of comatose state as I said before, he must have pressed himself to a point where he could save Pinkie Pie, no matter the cost.”

>Pinkie: “Anon, wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

>easier said than done, motherfucker

>you can hear them in this mist, the ever expansion of darkness

>the moment your body collapsed from defeating Luna, you’ve been stuck in this thick veil of shadows, tormented by your past but driven for your future

>coma?

>please, you’ve sent dozens of people into their untimely demise, a week or two in this state is nothing short of the hell you’ll get with death

>it’s pathetic that you have no possibility of getting your ticket home… do you have any weapons, despite being so close to the other princess?

>you cannot move

>cannot feel, cannot see

>you could piss yourself and not notice

>your body is but a bag of blood as of now, thanks to the efforts you put in for the one supposedly beside you

>you wish she would lie on your lap once more, just sit there

>the warmth of her body demands attention, and rightfully so

>even if you can’t feel it; she could be there right now

>you wouldn’t doubt it

>how you miss the craving of presence, her very being a temperament to your forever raging hatred for the scum of this world

>why can’t you move, damn it?! You’ve been trying to fight the dreams, the vapor that is your devious barrier to freedom

>Twi: “I think Octavia’s right; since he’s been doing fine save his bodily functions, it would suffice to have someone take care of him in his household.”

>Pinkie: “Oh, I’ll do it! I don’t mind feeding him and changing his diapers and-“

>what

>WHAT

>NO DIAPERS, FREE ME FROM THIS CURSE, DEMON

>demon: lol nope

>Celestia: “As his special somepony, I entirely understand. Just know there are several responsibilities you must attend to under he recovers.”

>Twi: “I’ll help whenever I-“

>Pinkie: “I’ll take of him… Twilight.”

>Twi: “Pinkie, I-!”

>Pinkie: “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him, and I most certainly won’t let my rival try to take credit!”

>Celestia: “Eh?”

>Twi: “Ignore her, Princess, she’s just stressed from the situation.”

>Celestia: “I, … hm. Very well, I’ll see to it that he gets the finest transportation available. Octavia, resume your usual secondary duties in Ponyville.”

>Octavia: “Yes, your highness, but isn’t it already-?”

>Celestia: “Hmmmmm?”

>Octavia: “Nothing, your majesty.”

>daresay, in your pathetic state, did you hear a note of hesitancy?

>you couldn’t blame the princess in regards to Twilight and Pinkie, considering it was the slightest of feuds between the love-craving detective versus the smother yet insane murderer

>but the order for Octavia was… peculiar, although it collaborated with your fears

>before you could focus more on the conversation, the IV decided to let you know that the usual amount of medications are in

>for whatever fucking reason this medication involves some sort of sedations, despite you being in a coma

>logic, defied

>whatever, “nap” time

-----

>you don’t have a ghost of a chance to remember what happened in the meantime of  a week and a half later

>all you know is that upon waking up, you notice that you’re mentally tied down to your own beloved couch, and you have a small shit in your pants

>the sudden clarity of the world developing onto you, you take a few moments to focus on everything in your attention’s span;

>the coffee table is intact, thank goodness. It was a nice coffee table, after all

>your obelisk of magic defying doom is chilling atop of it; daresay its true intentions have yet to be discovered

>there’s a new pink tablecloth under it though, that’s new

>Pinkie must be decorating now, that sexy demon her

>beyond that, the room appears to be clean of any sort of remnants of the events that occurred prior

>no blood, no corpses, not even a trophy to hang on the wall

>to be honest, you wanted a trophy of that changeling

>you doubt you could change its form whilst in a post humorous state, but imagine

>a hydra’s head chilling over your soon to be built fireplace

>that’s enough to quell your profession right there

>maybe not, but it’s close anyways

>you check your hands for decent measure, to make sure you’re not hallucinating or dreaming

>they’re decently real, or close enough that you’ll play along with this reverie

>of course, this WOULD be the time that Pinkie ventures her way into the living room, where you’re making a mockery of yourself by staring intently at your limbs

>she’s in her dress, for whatever reason, and with this she’s continuing some sort of cleaning ritual

>fluffing dust away like a criminal cleansed by the justice of Batman himself, she’s going at it pretty enthusiastically

>Pinkie: “Dust, dust, go away, before my sanity goes astray~!”

>bullshit, you’re already crazy

>it takes her almost a minute (you’ve frozen your position just to see her reaction) to finally notice your presence

>whether or not she recognizes your consciousness is yet to be determined

>Pinkie: “Anon~! You’re acting different! You shouldn’t raise your hand, this isn’t a classroom, y’know!”

Forgive me, I was just making sure if I was observing reality correctly.

>you never understood how interesting of a noise it was to hear a wooden handle to a duster clatter to the ground

>it must have been less than half a second for Pinkie to drop it, unable to register what you just said

>Pinkie: “Wuh..huh?”

I guess it’s been a while, sweetheart. Can I take off this diaper?

>is her eyes starting to bug out?

>she starting to foam in the mouth now, unable to comprehend the reality bestowed upon her

>you stand up, only to realize you are, in fact, wearing a diaper

>one that needs to be changed pronto

Ugh, Nayru help me! This shit is FUCKING GROSS.

>Pinkie: “ANON~~~~~~!<333333333333333+1”

>you waddle embarrassedly to the side, dodging her leap of obsessed love

>your legs are shaking, barely able to support themselves

>it appears you haven’t been using them much, perhaps you’ll have to fix that

One sec, Pinkie… bathroom, OH FARORE!

>you feel it squishing around, it’s detesting

>this is a rash you shant forget

>Pinkie’s giving you natural d20 googly eyes in a wild effort to hold you in place for a dramatic reunion

>not a fucking chance, you’ve never been so humiliated

>you need a shower too, when’s the last you bathed?

>you’d think she’d try washing you naked or something

>Pinkie: “Anon~~~!”

NO! Just… gimme a … A SECOND!

>bathroom door shuts, locks

>not that it would stop her, you need to be purged of bodily sins

>preferably with fire, but hot water will suffice

-----

>you get out of the shower to find a fresh set of clothing in the sink

>the bag holding that horrid sack of poo is now also gone

>you love Pinkie Pie

>applying the usual commodities to make yourself hygienically proper, you open the door and enter the living room, which is scented with something similar to flowers

>nicer than before, anyways

>welp, here comes a Pinkie missile

>no dodging this one, as your ass makes physical contact with the floor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxRIxovS7nQ

>Pinkie: “AnonAnonAnonAnonAnonAnon… Anon… mmmm…”

Relax, I’m not dead just yet.

>her hair is as flat as her chest, insinuating some sort of penetrating sorrow

>you embrace her closely, unable to register any sort of pain, or sorrow

> You can only understand the one truth in front of you, and that is Pinkie is still here with you, and alive.

> That’s all you need.

>Pinkie: “So much has happened since they took me. Luna was sentenced for kidnapping and attempted murder, and the evidence for the previous murders pointed towards Chrysalis, so they pinned the crimes on her.”

With Luna not making a good case with trying to place me as the criminal, I’m pretty much in the clear now, huh?

>Pinkie: “Yup, clean hooves, clean slate! We can do whatever we want now!”

Alright, then-

>your grin was more terrible than that of the Grinch himself

Are we still killers?

>http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7xwn0xUkK1rcqmq1o1_1280.png

>Pinkie: “I have one downstairs, been waiting for a few days.”

Did you follow the proper procedures of picking the right one?

>Pinkie: “Of course, tradition is traditional~~!”

Have you given them water so they don’t die from dehydration?

>Pinkie: “Mmmmhm!”

Good mare. Who is the lucky winner?

>Pinkie: “She’s a loooocal~! She’s a whoring teacher, the name is Cherilee.”

Ah, yes, her… the friendly mistress to Mr. Cake’s adventures.

>Pinkie: “Oh, but Anon, I forgot! When you were showering I went and told Twilight that you woke up and-!”

WHAT?! When, how?! I was only in the shower for ten minutes, how could you have gone so fast?

>Pinkie: “I’m Pinkie Pie, silly~!!”

>your face is longer than John Kerry’s, but you snap back into action

>there’s a couple things you need to do, looking around to throw last second plans together

>Twilight must’ve been distracted by something pretty important to not be here already

>you see what you were looking for; a makeshift wheelchair

>unfolding it and sitting down, you place your legs in position the moment a loud clanging on the door occurs

>Pinkie’s unable to make sense of your on spot actions

>Pinkie: “Anon…?”

Just go with it. Answer the door for me, sweetheart.

>she hops merrily over to the door, and with a few clicks of the bolts and locks, swings it open

>with Pinkie still in the same get-up as she was ten minutes ago, you suspected Twilight to be a tad surprised at what she’s wearing; it takes a few moments for you to realize that they talked already

>Pinkie Pie, Murder Specialist and Time Travel, M.D.

>Twi: “Pinkie Pie, is he…?!”

>your marefriend aims a welcoming hoof in, to which Twilight takes herself in heartily

>it’s like you’re a few weeks late for a heartwarming reunion at the end of a sappy movie, and- huh, guess Octavia is here too now

>of course, unless she’s found a home, she’s probably hiding on a rooftop nowadays

>they all get within leaping distance and stare at you intently, aiming to figure out the degree of your actual consciousness and mentality

>hardly moving in your wheelchair, hanging to the side, you stare just as silently back

What, do you fuckers want me to perform backflips or something?

>Twi: “He’s… he’s not dead. I can’t believe it, the treatment worked!”

>Octavia pulls out the violin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBkBMSW15u8

>worse Final Fantasy game, and she doesn’t explain how she knows this song

>whatever, it’s fitting

What treatment, you put a plug in my ass or something?

>Pinkie: “I’m your treatment, silly goose! I fed you oatmeal all week!”

Oatmeal, are you fucking crazy? I must have had the runs the entire time!

>Twi: “The medicine I, er, we made was able to keep your body stabilized after we incarcerated Luna. Oh Anon, I’ve missed you!”

>Twilight approaches you in a somewhat terrifying fashion, the distance collapsing upon itself within a second.

>soon on your lap, she embraces you as deeply as her hooves could allow, earning her a d’aww from Octavia and an icy glare of envy from Pinkie

>alright, time to cut the crap

>even in this setback reminiscences are for those who want to remain in the past

It’s time for us to reconsider our future, you three.

>Pinkie glances at you dangerously, unsure as to what your true motive in that comment is

>Twi: “You’re still a detective, Anon, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

>Oct: “Is something going on?”

>the door is closed, and it automatically locks

>you stand up, sending Twilight to the floor

>fucking pretending not being able to stand

>Twi: “Heh, hey!”

Follow me, I need to show you guys something.

>alarms must be going off in Pinkie’s head, because she turns herself into a barrier to the hallway, catching their attention as you sneak the obelisk into your pocket

>Pinkie: “Anon, I think you need to rest more, you’re not thinking right-“

I’m thinking just fine, Pinkie. Just trust me.

>she must’ve been watered down with the sense of freedom these past couple weeks, but the need to obey, along with her absolute trust, fixes itself into an unwavering pose

>Pinkie: “Alright, I’ll make sure everything goes okie dokie.”

>what she means by that, you can only assume if things go awry

>and you have two more victims tonight

>Twi: “What is the meaning of this, is something-?”

Be quiet, Twi, and let me show you a part of me that you’ll probably hate forever. Octavia, you too.

>the group and you venture over to your bedroom, towards the door hidden beyond belief

>your mind is destroying itself in stress; just what are you doing?

>what kind of gamble, one that can destroy everything, is this worth committing?

>you ignore the ramblings shouting inside your head as you pull the hidden lock, the wall segment sliding down effortlessly

>Twi: “Anon, you have a basement?! But this… this is…”

>you silently motion them down the stairs, a muffled shout from Cheerilee heard

>???: “Anon, just WHAT are you doing?”

>that voice, you’re certain no one but you could hear it, but it was as clear as your dark intentions

>you’re going to rebel, and you’re going to make sure it’s a bang

>???: “You, a rebellion, hohohoho! That is quite unorthodox of you, my friend.”

>it needs to be done, the faster you do this, the faster you go home

>maybe with Pinkie Pie if you feel like it

>???: “Oh, it can be done, I assure you. Just know what the results are should you fail whatever you have planned now.”

>as you wish, and the sight unfolds the moment the two shocked mares see the sight

-----

>Twi: “This, this is… your doing? The murders, everything?”

>Octavia: “I can’t believe it, Luna was actually right.”

She was wrong, and I have never killed somep0ny in cold blood. I will prove it.

>cough, cough, bullshit, but you digress

>Cheerilee screams through the gag for help, looking pleadingly into Twilight’s eyes

>Twilight is too abhorred to even move as you open the filing cabinet, in which you hope Pinkie has been following the routine

>a single file, of the target, along with incriminating evidence of several offenses is found here

>good work, Pinkie

>espionage, double agent to Canterlot’s Investigation Team

>adultery, sexual assault on multiple occasions

>and multiple other accounts of murderous actions, as ordered by Princess Celestia

>the two look at the files as Pinkie stands near the weaponry, unsure to wield or hide it

>you eyeball her in a way to tell her to do nothing

>Twi: “She’s a… a traitor?”

She’s been doing a lot of dirty work by your trusted ruler, along with other leaders of rivaling countries. All in secret of course.

>and that’s when Pinkie’s work fell out of the folder, half a dozen pictures that cemented Cheerilee’s fate

>all showing her deeds

>Octavia: “Why didn’t you just report this, and have her arrested?”

Because… Princess Celestia is just as guilty for some of it. Your ruler is a traitor in her own right.

>Twi: “How can you say that, after all she’s done for you!”

>and with that you open the most ominous looking file cabinet you could find and fit in here, holding two folders

>one was for Princess Luna

>and the other for her trusty sister

Here, look at this. All sorts of scandals. Perhaps Luna would have been the better ruler, after all.

>Octavia: “Don’t you DARE say that about her majesty, she, she-!”

Murder, genocide, there’s even an undisclosed labor camp three hundred kilometers east of Canterlot, entirely built underground for criminals. She’s been pulling the strings to many things she shouldn’t be these past millennia, just to secure her place. The Chrysalis incident? She staged it.

>Twi: “No…”

I paid great money to hear that from a changeling baron, there was no reason for him to lie. She wanted your over-ambitious babysitter put down for good. Looks like she took care of Blueblood with the same results.

>they look at each other, dumbfounded

>perhaps hearing that their beloved ruler being the criminal scum of their country is a bit harsh

Look, you two, I don’t intend to kill her, not if she recognizes her crimes and take appropriate action for them. She has a plethora of guards and noble knowing all of this, and eating out of her hoof. She needs to be stopped.

>your words are candy, and their minds but seven year olds

>Octavia: “I refuse to believe this, and I intend to put you under arrest.”

You do know why she stationed you on me, Octavia? Do you remember your orders?

>she recites them like she has done so a thousand times

>Octavia: “Assist Anon and Twilight Sparkle for the capture of the person or ponies who’s been murdering innocent lives. During this time… should Anon prove to be a threat to the crown… eliminate him.”

Exactly. “Person”. You may not have realized it, but I was many of the subjects she plans to silence if word of this came out.

>Twi: “Don’t you dare hurt Anon.”

>you have her wrapped around your finger, excellent

>Octavia: “That’s… ugh, this is ridiculous. I thought with defeating Luna we would have everything settled.”

Luna was actually an ally to us, although in her innocent anger she made herself an enemy. We need to do what she could not a thousand years ago, and stop her treacherous sister.

>Twi: “We? You mean us?”

I’m going to need your help, after all.

>Octavia: “How could you even think of defeating the great Princess Celestia, ruler of all of Equestria?”

We beat her sister, didn’t we?

>Octavia: “Well…”

Don’t worry, I have plans, and backup plans. Swear that you’ll help me bring justice to this country, and I will take care of the rest.

>it is but the longest moment of silence you’ve ever endured, the moment of truth at hand

>it’s Pinkie Pie who speaks first

>Pinkie: “I don’t want to do it either, Twilight, but I’ve seen the things she’s done to ponies. Horrible things.”

>thatta mare, butter em up

>Twi: “Alright, but I want to know that you won’t hurt her unless she strikes you first.”

Of course, I’m not a cruel being, after all.

>you give a gracious bow, the lie still hanging on your tongue

>everything is going to plan, now only for Octavia-

>Octavia: “I will supervise, but I cannot kill unless ordered. I won’t report you of course.”

Ordered by who?

>Octavia: “Well, er… hm.”

Right. I won’t tell you to harm somep0ny unless it’s justified. Deal?

>Octavia: “Deal.”

Then it’s settled. Hooves in, please.

>Cheerilee, suffered beyond humiliation, is the only other witness to watch the conglomerate first form to make the group that will change the world forever

>a small circle is formed as your hand is covered by three other hooves

From this day forward, we will hunt down the scum that endanger the well-being of this wonderful country, and we will do our best in correcting the wrongs of those that seek tyranny over it. Agreed?

>Pinkie: “Agreed~!”

>Twi: “Rebellion is such a harsh word, but agreed.”

>Octavia: “…Agreed.”

Then let us begin the revolution. We must be hasty, and make sure those we seek to protect know our determination and goal.

>Twi: “And how do we do that?”

There is one who has been killing others in cold blood, and for her crimes she was merely imprisoned. She needs her true sentence.

>Pinkie: “You mean Princess Luna?”

Indeed.

>Twi: “But she’s trapped on the moon, how do you plan to-“

I have waited a long time to use this secret tool.

>you lead them to the corridor, locked in so many different ways

>you spent tedious moments opening it, showing the dim area

>the iron bound chest sits there deviously, awaiting for this one moment

>rust find no place to grasp a hold, the only thing penetrating this coffer is the dark, cold echoes of its past

>how it demands blood to be spilt upon its bolts, screams to echo in its frame

>it craves murder more than you ever could, having been the keeper of a weapon that has killed far more than you ever have

Here, is the answer to Equestria’s salvation.

>Twi: “Will it really help us do what we need to?”

Its powers are infinite, untold stories of its terrible use. We will make another chapter in the history since its creation.

>the chest opens haughtily, nearly empty save this one tool

>you grasp it in your hand carefully, dark runes scathing its surface, a hollow feeling slowly feeling you

>the sense balloons into the unholy desire to kill, destroy

>fear quells inside as you try to swallow the dismay you seemingly have caught in your throat

>Twi: “Is that what I think it is… it is, it’s-!”

Yes, now you know my confidence.

>Pinkie: “Hehe, we’re going to rebel~!”

>and so it began, the rebellion

>how petty your lies could make such things begin

>and how one thing will make it end in glory

>the end