Red Rum Cake #6

>it’s been an interesting couple weeks of interlude before you prepare for the next victim

>the two of you attempted to go on a “date” a few times, all of which did not include bloodstained gore

>one of which was to watch the newly made repertoire of the supposed return of the great and powerful Trixie, only to watch as about ten guards tackle her down and arrest her

>despite her innocence, she still resisted and escaped, her ego and magic no match to the stallions

>you’ve seen many sights, but to witness an angry unicorn going wild on some*pony else besides you is actually a bit refreshing

>it wasn’t until the third week of enjoying the “simple life” that something problematic happened

>the first event of concern involved Twilight hauling your ass out of bed to deduct a massacre

>upon entering the crime scene, just on the edge of the Everfree forest

>when she called it a massacre, it was exactly that

>there apparently was a lack of flies in this world, otherwise they would be all over the crudely ripped remains

>guards are surrounding the scene, letting you and Twilight enter the area

>the only bits the distinguished the slain pony’s identity was a shred of her cutie mark

It looks like striped bows, maybe candy wrappers…

>Twi: “Her cutie mark was three candies… the victim’s name is Bon Bon.”

Rather, it was Bon Bon; now she’s but torn fertilizer for the grass.

>she looks at you with disgust for the comment

Hey, just stating facts. First off, who discovered the body?

>Twi: “An overhead pegasus who was putting a cloud in the location found the corpse, and reported it immediately.”

What’s the ETD?

>Twi: “Err… E-T-D…?”

The estimated time of death, do you have a coroner on the site yet or something?

>she looks flustered at this question, not sure how to respond

>Twi: “I don’t know what a coroner is, but we don’t have one. We also don’t know what the, uh, ‘ETD’ is.”

>you kneel down next to the remains, studying the pattern and conditions

I’d like to mention one thing, and ask another. The first: it appears it’s been about 8-12 hours from this mare’s death. It was likely done last night.

>Twi: “How can you tell?”

Look at the organs and tissue; if it was during the day, the heat would have caused an unbearable stench and attracted nearby monsters and other creatures. It would have also decomposed a bit more than how it is now. Look at the cloth next to her; it appears she was wearing some sort of sweater. It’s been warm lately, but the nights have been chilly enough that it would have been sensible to wear one. Got any gloves?

>she looks at you with a solemn look, and you realize she has hooves

>oh, right

>you pull out a tissue from your pocket and pick up the shred of cloth

It’s interesting to note that there’s only this, and nothing of the sweater itself. It’s plausible that the killer actually was the one wearing this. Got a bag or something, at least?

>she materializes a plastic bag for you to slip the bloodied cloth in

Take this to Rarity, and see if she has any memory of making this for someone with this type of material. If it’s not Bon Bon, we can easily list them as a suspect.

>Twi: “That’s brilliant, Anon!”

Yeah, well, this is basic stuff here. What’s concerning is the method of killing. Do ponies have chainsaws?

>Twi: “I… I’ve heard of saws, for trees, but not a chainsaw, Anon. I don’t think such a thing exists here. Why do you ask?”

The way this pony was ripped open, it appears like something precise but crude cut her into eighths, along with a large gash right down the middle. To be able to tear into a pony like that with a normal weapon would be implausible, nary impossible.

>you both look at the corpse

I guess you can say, only the victim and the killer…

>you put on some sunglasses

“Saw” what happened.

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WseRJMQf1U

>CH’YEAHHHHHH

-----

>surprisingly enough, you’ve elected to sleep more once you returned home, Pinkie Pie now off to her “job”

>simply taking off your shoes and overcoat and landing under the covers, you smell the odd but sweet scent of Pinkie in your sheets

>you have yet to decide whether or not you enjoy it, but its familiarity gives you a slight comfort as you prepare to burn off the morning

>what you could only guess to be about a well-rested hour later, you’re abruptly awakened by a revving noise

>now, given that the world here is a tad… technologically insufficient, you were so surprised at the noise that you couldn’t comprehend what it was

>before you could get out of your bed, however, it was clear that whatever is making the noise is in contact with your front door

>the screeching of metal making metal is devastating to your ear drums

Jesus H. Murphy, there’s a FUCKING DOORBELL!

>you pull out an emergency “utility belt”, donning it along with your overcoat

>making sure your “medical equipment” is in place, you pull down a latch to the ceiling trapdoor in the hallway, and with the opening of a second, more secure trapdoor (magically enforced, of course) you’re soon on your flat roof

>upon you reaching the edge, you find that there is quite a large group of ponies watching the sight

>not to mention the mass of guards and Twilight

>it is a decently flamboyant part of Ponyville with the noise, after all

>looking down, you see a hell zone of sparks as a frenzied pegasus is unleashing judgment on your door

>your door, however well protected from magic, is not immune to physical onslaught

>thankfully that’s where the steel comes in

>she would have done a lot better if she went for the frame itself

>she’s more or less attempting to make a point in impaling door itself with her-

>well, then!

>she has a chainsaw, Ganon be damned

>you cup your hands together in a makeshift megaphone at Twilight

Hey, TWILIGHT! Who’s the kid down there with the chainsaw? She looks mad, dude!

>Twi: “[Shouts] THAT’S a chainsaw?! I don’t even know how Fluttershy got it, or why she’s using it!”

Well, she’s attacking my home, and likely wants to kill me. Does that mean I can act in self-preservation? I don’t know the laws in Equestria on that one!

>Twi: “No you can’t, Anon! I just talked to Rarity and confirmed she’s the one who bought the material! Be careful!”

I’m fine up here, just figure out how to st-

>you move just in time as the chainsaw spins wildly upwards into the air, missing you by inches

Son of a BITCH!

>the pony, despicably noted to be known as Fluttershy, shoots into the air and catches the saw gracefully

>you’re pretty fucking impressed, no chance in hell would you try to catch a chainsaw midair

>this thought is soon interrupted though when you’re forced to dodge a second time by a chainsaw driven spin attack

>her weapon so lovingly tears into the brick and wood, much to your chagrin

You fiddy-fiddler, that’s my house you’re tearing up!

>the look she gives you, one of lustful murderous intent, suddenly forces you to realize the danger you’re in

>her voice is more warped than any other pony you’ve heard before, the sound raising the hair on the back of your head

>Flutter: “I know who you are, Anon… you’ve fouled me for the last time.”

Beg your pardon? You seem awfully confident for someone who’s supposed to be “shy”.

>she revs up the chainsaw and begins to advance towards you threateningly

>thankfully (or unfortunately, depending on how you think it) Twilight teleports up here, by your side

>Twi: “Are you alright, Anon?”

I have some crazy bitch attacking me before I could have coffee; I don’t even know if I’m dreaming, let alone alright!

>Twilight grimaces at the distraught Fluttershy

>Twi: “I think we found our killer here in Ponyville.”

What about the Queen of the changelings? Did Celestia ever find her nephew?

>you know this “legitimately” through Twilight a while ago, thanks to talks about the ongoing investigation

>Twi: “We never found him or her, but they’re planning to confront the Queen in her own kingdom soon. As for Fluttershy here, well- watch out!”

>you and Twilight split apart in a dash as Fluttershy gives a mean vertical slice, debris shooting everywhere

>Fluttershy, her eyes tinted with shadows and hatred, turn towards you as she begins to make her rounds

>Flutter: “You’ve been working too hard. I’ll put you in your place.”

Fuck you, Fluttershy!

>Fluttershy begins to charge at you when the chainsaw was ripped out of her hooves with magic

>now, you were preparing to dodge via the motion she was making- she is quite easy to read

>however, when Twilight used her magic to grab it, it went the entirely opposite way, and struck you in a deafening roar of the tool

>thankfully in a stroke of luck of it not tearing through your head, it knicks your ear instead

>obviously it hurts like hell still

FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK DAMNIT TWILIGHT!

>you’re clutching your ear in agony, unsure of the damage it caused, as Fluttershy sits there dumbfounded as the chainsaw is taken apart by magic

>Twi: “Shit! I’m sorry, Anon, are you alright over there?”

Don’t you mother fucking dare start taking my swear words, god damnit!

>you’re letting loose a well-meaning amount of vulgarity, pissed that your own “teammate” did more damage to you than this mentally deranged pegasus

>who is advancing on Twilight with a decently dull looking butcher knife

Twilight, WATCH OUT!

>she was focused on making sure the first weapon was destroyed that she didn’t see the second one coming at her

>she quickly collapses as the blunt end of the knife gives a sickening crack to the back of her head, in which Fluttershy turns towards you

>Flutter: “Fluttershy, Fluttershy… Fluttershy wants you to die…”

>seeing Twilight unconscious, you have no problems pulling out your own arsenal of bladed weaponry now

Like I give a fuck. Scum like you torturing and killing innocent mares is a sin I will hold you unforgivable for; the fact you hurt my friend and are trying to kill me, well…

>you give a dark grin, a large survival knife in one hand and a scalpel in the other

>you pop open a very small vial and dip the latter weapon in it

Let’s just say you picked the wrong person to fuck with.

>you didn’t even take a step when Pinkie was suddenly here and airborne, somehow launching into the air from behind the house, likely the alley

>before Fluttershy could turn her ominous gaze from you, Pinkie clears the raging mare into the brick roof, sliding a few yards in a vicious tackle

>you could barely hear Pinkie grumble it, but her words were clear nonetheless

>Pinkie: “You fucking tried to hurt Anon… I. Will. Kill. You. I will end you so long as Pinkamena is my first name, and Pie is my last.”

>you figured it didn’t need to be said that she was as serious as she sounded, but the flowing pink hair around her shoulders streamed in a beautiful drift as she took your side

>your ear is freely bleeding now, and you lower the survival knife for her

>Pinkie: “Thanks, Anon. Is Twilight ok?”

I don’t know, but I hope so-

>???: “Anon, we’re clearing down the door- we’re coming up there!”

>those fucking guards

You do that, and I will kill both this son of a bitch and everyone that threatens my house! I got this, just hold on!

>it’s a beautiful thing that your roof is somewhat high up, and god forbid pegasi are apparently a bunch of panzies to come up to witness the grisly scene above

>you pull out some gauze to swiftly wrap around the side of your head, the scalpel in between your teeth

>Fluttershy, having gotten back to her hooves, takes a hold of her gruesome looking knife, the look on her face downtrodden with fury and loath

>Flutter: “Come here, little human boy…”

>Pinkie is now between the two of you, crouched low with the knife in her mouth

>taking scalpel in your hands, you join by Pinkie’s side, stooping in a defensive manner

>you silently tongue the words to had to say to this mare, inaudible to anyone but Pinkie and Fluttershy as your uncovered eye focuses on her with a fatal deadlock stare

You touch my special mare here, and I’ll make sure you’ll be baked into cupcakes.

>she sneers

>did she actually snort at you?

>Flutter: “I don’t even care about that unfunny pony beside you. I’ve come to swear revenge for what you did. Today, this very morning… you will die.”

>she launches into the air at these words, doing a vertical 360 before crashing down on you with a lethal manner

>barely dodging her in time, you land on your back in a frantic second escape, and with a final swing she-

>nope, Pinkie Pie spears her through the wing, and knocks out Fluttershy’s butcher knife

>you’re thankful to end this dispute short, as you rebound yourself onto the pegasus

>just as Fluttershy pushes Pinkie aside she pulls out the knife in her

>the yellow mare raises her arm, the casted shadow causing Pinkie’s eyes to grow wide in fear

>not today motherfucker- you intercept her and go for the kill

>with slice to her neck, you don’t even hold a second thought as to sparing her life for threatening Pinkie

>you soon regret this when you hear Pinkie gasps into quiet sobs as Fluttershy’s throat bleeds out, immediately suffocating and collapsing in her own blood

>you drop the scalpel, and caress the blood stained Pinkie

Hey, hey… it’s alright, you’re fine.

>Pinkie: “She… she was a friend… why… why was she attacking Anon, me?”

I don’t know, but I’m sorry I couldn’t stop her. I didn’t want her to hurt you.

>your heart is finally starting to slow down, having almost suffered a heart attack at having almost been murdered

>you assure yourself that’s all you cared about, yes…

Pinkie, go downstairs, and stay down there until I tell you to. Take this scalpel, rinse it off, and wait, please.

>Pinkie: “But, why? *sniff*”

I can’t have you seen here, not with witnesses soon coming in. My ear is fine, it’ll just need a few stitches; I’ll take care of things, don’t worry. If I don’t come down by this afternoon, sneak out through the sewers and find your way here to make it look like you just got here, alright? Now, go.

>you kiss her tenderly before she scuffles away, thankfully not leaving any trail of blood

>not a moment too soon either, as guards have literally scaled your wall to get up here

>only to find an unconscious Twilight beaten unconscious

>Fluttershy passing away under you, seconds left in her life ticking away

>and you hanging over her, the deadly knife now in your hand, still dripping her blood

>the guards stare at you in bewilderment as you look down, watching Fluttershy’s eyes dilate as she tries to mouth something

>no sound came out; none could, her throat torn open and filled with blood

>yet in her final moment, you could hear the words, if only in silence:

>Flutter: “I’m… sorry…”

>you look in incomprehension as a glow of some sort evaporated from her eyes

>to this very moment, you swear to yourself that it was her very life leaving her

>yet it will forever haunt you that it also looked like a spell of some sort was lifted, as the sedative you dipped the scalpel took effect, her slumber forever eternal and peaceful

-----

>you drop the knife and go to see if Twilight is alright, only to be tackled to the ground by three guards

>the sound of a breaking vial is evident as you’re pinned to the ground by at least three more of the royal sentries

The fuck, guys? Don’t worry about me, we need to take care of Twilight!

>Guard: “You’re under arrest for the murder of the pegasus Fluttershy, Anon Anon!”

What the hell? She attacked and tried to kill me!

>Guard: “You may *try* to claim this atrocious… murder as something of self-defense to the council, but Equestrian laws dictate that no creature is to slay a pony without due consequences.”

Bullshit! What if she killed me?!

>Guard: “Well, uh. There’s currently no law protecting the human race from being killed illegally.”

>and that’s how you were arrested

>you certainly did not feel as unscrupulous for killing a few of them before now

-----

>meanwhile, in the dark recess of some unknown home, a heaving Trixie is catching her breath after spending days to fend off guards and ponies eager for some easy gold from a bounty

>back in her lair, she tosses her hat and cape aside in an angry huff

>Trixie: “How dare those pathetic ponies mock the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie!”

>being late night, she’s ready to hit the hay after her performance being crashed for the fourth time

>for whatever reason, the guards are keen to scorn her shows, and arrest her on being “suspicious for murder”

>Trixie: “Murder, MURDER?! The only death Trixie has experienced is her crowds when those imbeciles swoop in, UGH!”

>???: “You know, there’s someone who’s to blame for that.”

>an unknown but faintly familiar voice shudders across the room, as Trixie looks about as she hobbles into her bed

>Trixie: “Trixie demands an answer of who this voice is, and who they refer to!”

>???: “In due time, fair unicorn. Seek out Anon. He is the true reason your shows are being ruined.”

>Trixie huffs as she turns off the one light

>Trixie: “Bitch please, I’m motherfucking Trixie. I do what I want.”

>end