Red Rum Cake #14

[Part 4.5 of “The Date”]

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>it was likely mid-morning when the two of you finally woke up

>by some argument, you could state that you arose from your generous slumber first, with Pinkie joining your consciousness seconds later

>but that’s picking at the details, isn’t it?

>how petty of you, having to state that you woke up first

>anyhow, the two of you fucked like rabbits during mating season

>yes, that’s exactly how it went

>you’d like to note that the third time was more like two angry Tasmanian devils going at it, you got a cut or two from that

>something about being rough turned her on, but you had to stop when she pulled out a knife

>you politely set it aside and remind her never to fuck and use cutlery at the same time

>anyways, by the time it was noon, you were nearing dehydration after going at it the fourth or fifth time

>after pointing out that the blankets were soiled to the bowels of Tartarus and back, the two of you agree that perhaps you should take a break

>and a shower

>and some godly breakfast, vodka and spaghetti did not suit you last night

>and so you venture out of the mammoth mattress, a beaten Anacondius ready for eternal rest

>Anacondius, Destroyer of Marehoods: “SWEET DIN, THIS MARE IS KILLING ME”

>ignoring the slight pangs that your member is pointing out, you venture over to the other side of the single room, a clear fifty feet across to the wall less bathroom

This is the most awkward restroom I have seen. What happens if one of us had to take a shit?

>it was for the first time that you notice a little control panel attached to the side of the sink, which is about a foot lower than what you’re used to

>apparently they’re not aware of the hazards of electronics near the sink

>in fact, this is one of the few times you’ve seen the varying levels of technology where they use electronics of this sort

>it’s a simple touch panel, with two “buttons”

>you press the first one, and HOLY SHIT

>you swear this is what it sounds like:

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VptOUWC-Itc

>walls are pulling up from the floor, door included

>more of that dramatic music, trumpets this time, with a touch of trombone

>is that a set of timpani drums?

>BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM

>Pinkie: “That’s so awesome, Anon!”

>the timpani finishes with a small solo as the walls press into place

>Pinkie peers through the door as the overhead light takes on a brighter glow

>youveseensomeshit.gif

I suppose I’ll never figure out where the music is coming from.

>Pinkie: “Maybe~!”

Doesn’t it bug you that you don’t know where they’re at, or if it’s a recording?

>Pinkie: “I know where they’re at, silly! <3”

… You do?

>she presses the button, and the music begins to play again as the door and walls collapse into the floor

>she points at an area beyond the wall

>it reveals a six pony orchestra outside in the room, going at it like professionals

>the way they can play the trumpets with the lack of thumbs terrify you

>the way that drummer is pounding his timpani drums is admirable

>the fact you’re still entirely nude has sent you in a panic

Pinkie, put the walls back up, I’m bloody naked!

>she giggles, unfazed by your nudity being shown to the others

>they apparently didn’t give a fuck until you pointed this out, and they begin staring at your crotch

>you cover your pride and joy as Pinkie pushes the button once more

>they seem enthusiastic to play the song as slow as possible, the wall following suit in being as sluggish as allowed

>WHY?!

>you rush over to the control panel and tap the button a couple times in hopes of speeding it up

>the band and wall do double time, now that’s talent

>you peek out the doorway to make sure they’re gone

>how do they do that, that’s impossible!

>Pinkie: “Hehe, you weren’t supposed to be able to seem them that time, Anon!”

>you turn to find Pinkie chilling in the shower chamber

>it’s more of a large glass container that has a small waterfall spew overhead

>not quite activated yet

What do you mean, ‘I shouldn’t have’?

>Pinkie: “Well, since you asked me~! I showed them to you, otherwise you couldn’t see them, hehe!”

Pinkie, that doesn’t make sense.

>her teeth are in a wide arc, grinning at her ominous powers

>Pinkie: “I have the ability to make things appear and disappear, kinda.”

>you blink

>twice

Wait, what?

>Pinkie: “I don’t know how to explain it; I can’t do it all the time, but it’s like… breaking the rules of the dimension? I can only do it if it’s fun, though~!”

Like the door to your basement?

>Pinkie: “It was like hide-and-seek!”

>alright, so Pinkie can commit acts that defy the laws of logic

>that technically sounds about right, considering Pinkie

>it’s like she can break the fourth wall of this story

>WAIT FORGET YOU SAID THAT

-----

>so the shower was sensational, the temperature was perfect

>it was also the first time you bathed with Pinkie

>however, it was more her goofing with the shampoo below you while you did your hair

>slops of shampoo bubbles fall on her that you work your head, face, body

>Pinkie: “Anon~!”

Bwuh, sorry.

>you rinse your hair out for a good while, enjoying the feel of running water pour down

>it’s reminiscent of the past, one that you wished to forget

>but the pleasure of water will override that cold memory

>you finally open your eyes and look down to see how Pinkie’s faring

>she’s cleaning her… oh wow

>guess it’s only natural, but damn

Pinkamena!

>Pinkie: “Whaaat?!”

What are you doing? Can’t you do that later?

>she has a douche, Nayru knows where she got it or why she’s doing it in here

>but that’s disgusting, you’re trying to shower here

>Pinkie: “I’m sorry, it’s just we’ve been doing it so much, I don’t want to get any infections~!<3”

>how can she say that with a heart at the end of her words

>how can you even notice that in the first place

-----

>you cut your shower early thanks to your sweetheart’s hygienic routine, drying yourself and wrapping a towel around your waist

>no more chancing the nude and the well hidden mini-orchestra being somewhere

>you try to do what Pinkie does, and will them into view

>you look around pensively

>yup, that’s definitely a honed skill she has

>returning to part of the bedroom, you find that it’s been… refreshed

>who the fuck cleaned the sheets, your clothes

>oh… crap

>you check your overcoat, for two very good reasons

>the first is the face that you have that knife

>the second is that your coat can’t be washed without a special solution, otherwise it’d wrinkle

>thankfully it appears that not only did they leave the hydra scale overcoat alone, your dirty clothes were cleaned within ten minutes, alongside a…

>a new set of clothes?

>who… how?

>there’s only one person that would dare make you a set of correctly fitting clothes

>and it wasn’t until you turned to find Rarity relaxing in one of the many armchairs strew about

>Rarity: “Hello, darling~!”

Fuck my life.

-----

>you don’t like unwanted visitors, and you hate them to hell when it’s someone you don’t want to see

>you make Rarity wait outside the suite while you change into your new clothes, ignoring the discreet band once more

>you don’t know who is driving you more crazy, them or her

>you want to fucking kill her, but she makes your clothes

>you swear on your mother’s grave that the moment you learn to sow, she’s dead

>you’ll tear off her bloody skin and have Pinkie sow her back together

>it’ll be a game, she’ll love it

>you mutter curses as you let Rarity back in, who’s a bit miffed at her forced exit

>Rarity: “Really, I do say! You simply do not know how to treat a lady, you know that, right?”

I’m sorry, generally ‘ladies’ don’t break into my home and clean my clothes.

>Rarity: “Oh, don’t be so assuming! I simply brought you these clothes; I believe it was the maid’s doing that your other clothing is clean. I’m enthralled that you wear such fashion that when I heard you were in Canterlot, I just HAD to bring you something new to try!”

>you look at the new set you’re wearing

>it does look well made, and it’s nothing overly flashy

>you may postpone the murderous intent for this unicorn

Yeah, alright, thanks. How much do I owe you?

>Rarity: “Some tea, and crumpets if they have it!”

>she’s staying for a bit, oh joy

I don’t know what they have, I’ll check the kitchen.

>Pinkie: “Anon~! Who’s here?”

>she just finished up whatever business she had in the bathroom, and is now joining you with a towel over her head

>Pinkie: “Oh… hello, Rarity.”

>she needs to be more friendly when revisiting old friends

Rarity, you’re one of the six who stopped Discord, right?

>it was a guess, but you recognized that glass model of her from Canterlot castle like it was a Picasso

>Rarity: “Why, why yes! Yes I am, and Pinkie here is too!”

>Pinkie: “Mmmhm.”

Pinkie.

>Pinkie: “Yes~?”

Be happy, she cares about you.

>this startles both Pinkie and Rarity, unsure as to how to respond

You told me that each of your friends slowly lost interest in you. That’s not true at all. People like Rarity, Twilight, even Rainbow Dash are concerned for you. They’ve been helping me all this time to make you happy, and you haven’t noticed it. So, be happy.

>these were only half true; most of these ponies were only coincidentally interested in you, which ultimately benefits Pinkie

>nonetheless Rarity is somewhat coy enough to follow with it

>either that, or she’s genuinely concerned

>Rarity: “Pinkie, Anon is most certainly right. You’re one of my best, and mayhaps one of the few ponies I am willing to call a true friend.”

>wow, maybe she’s not a conceited and money grubbing bitch after all

>Pinkie: “You… you really mean that?”

>Rarity: “Of course.”

>she walks forward and puts a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulders

>Rarity: “I’ve gotten so tied in my work these days, I hardly leave my carousel anymore; I don’t think I’ve seen any of my friends in… so long… I’ve missed you, Pinkie. I miss everyp0ny. I miss Fluttershy…”

>for the first time you’ve ever laid witness, someone besides Pinkie is the first to burst into tears

>Rarity’s really letting herself go with this

I, uh. I’m going to get some sort of breakfast together, you two seem to have a lot to catch up to do.

>Pinkie, holding Rarity, gives you a slight nod

>she really has a poker face going

>does she really not feel the same as this marshmallow mare?

-----

>so, there is a built in window to the kitchen

>instead of glass, however, there was an open square hole

>looking at the bar table where a sink should be, you already have a hunch what this is

>you peer into the frame, unable to spot anything in the darkness

>behold, another interface, with a single button on the screen this time

Here we go again.

>you press the button on the small screen, and behold, guess what happens

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PDIBTS_xDQ

>the now visible room lights up distinctly with a well-dressed griffon with a mighty looking mustache to boot

>???: “Sacl’e bleur! A customer, welcome~!”

>the music is overwhelming

There’s two mares having a heart to heart over there, can you turn that down?

>he grunts gruffly as he twists a knob to lower the volume

>???: “Z’ere, happy? Now! Where me manners! Mon nom est Gustave!”

Gustave, Gustave, alright…

>a fucking French oriented griffon, you’ll have to do

Can you whip up some tea, maybe, eh, crumpets?

>Gustave: “Crumpets? CRUMPETS?!”

>he makes a spitting sound as if the food was the most disgusting thing in the world

>Gustave: “C’est la CRAP! I will, will make you ze finest breakfast you have tasted! With tea, no less.”

>before you could argue, he goes to work, the real kitchen firing up as he sings a copyrighted song that you shouldn’t mention, lest Disney catch a glimpse of this

-----

>within a few minutes, three plates of steaming wonders are on the counter, alongside a pitcher of lemon iced tea

>Gustave: “Mwah, mwah! C’est la masterpiece!”

>you look to see what god-like creation he created

>it’s three orders of French toast

>you’re about to drop to the floor laughing at the stereotypes that should never exist in this realm

>while the image of you rolling across the floor remains in your head, you share a warming smile and a few gold bits as tip

Wonderful, Gustave, I will never doubt your superb skills.

>Gustave: “Ohoho! My thousand compliments, monsieur. Bon appetite!”

>you take two of the three plates and carry them over to the bed, where Pinkie and Rarity are chit chatting away

>it appears Pinkie is much more relaxed, although acting odd

>in fact, Rarity is as well

>you ignore this foreshadowing

Here’s some French toast, try not to make a mess. I’ll be right back with the tea.

>Rarity: “But what of the crumpets?”

If you want crumpets, we have a chef that is most willing to take your orders. For now, French toast.

>you fetch the two glasses and the pitcher, setting it on the nightstand nearby before grabbing your own food

>Rarity: “What a gentleman, bringing us our dishes before your own!”

>Pinkie: “He’s Anon, silly~! He’s always like that!”

Yeah, yeah.

-----

>soon the three of you eat the well prepared breakfast and ready to continue the day of

>err

>right, Rarity is still here, time to steer her out

>Pinkie: “Hey Rarity, you should hang out with us today!”

>GOT DOMMIT PINK

>Rarity: “Oh dear, I’d love to, dear, I truly mean to, but the main reason I’m here is because, well…”

>she looks away, blushing all the meanwhile

>Rarity: “Let’s just say I have a fan of my work that wishes for a more… direct showing.”

>you suddenly remember, why they’re acting odd

>she’s in fucking heat, and she’s here on a side quest to go fucking wild

Ah, yes. Pinkie’s been the same, hence why we’re here.

>Pinkie looks back and forth

>Pinkie: “Huh? Oh!! Anon, I didn’t know you have dresses for me to try on already~!<3”

>double fuck, that’s right

I don’t think that’s what she means, sweetheart. By the way, Rarity, I would like to work out a decent order for Pinkie here, you see…

>you go into detail about Pinkie’s lack of cloth or fashion

>Rarity: “Oh, heavens! As soon as I get back, I swear, with Celestia as my witness!”

Alright, alright! Thank you.

>she approaches the door , and you see it

>great mercy, her marehood ready to swallow something

>anything

>you bite your tongue and open the door, letting the band play their theatrical music

>Rarity: “Take care, you two; haaaaave fun~~!”

>Pinkie: “We will, ehehehe~!<3”

>the door eventually closes and you let out a sigh

Pinkie, never try to invite her to an all-day activity AGAIN.

>Pinkie brushes her mane to the side, unaffected by the light demand

>Pinkie: “Oh come on, you think I was planning for her to stay here? It was obvious she had ‘other plans’.”

What, you noticed that too?

>Pinkie: “Well, duh~! Did you see that THING! It was like…”

>she makes a grotesque face, her mouth clomping open and close

>Pinkie: “OM NOM NOM NOM FEED MEEEEE”

>you can’t help it, it’s the perfect impression of Rarity’s fluffed out vagina

>you begin to laugh, smiling at Pinkie’s face

>she smiles back welcomingly

>Pinkie: “You smiled for me, Anon, and I made you laugh.”

Yes, you did. Do I not smile enough?

>Pinkie: “Not for me~~!</3”

>she gives a pout, roll the d20 baby

>mental defense is up to 14 now

>she scrapes a 15

>lucky prick

Yeah, I’ll try to smile for you more, cupcake.

>you tackle the bed and pull her into your arms

>Pinkie: “Hey, come on, I just did my hair Anon~!”

Just remember something for me, alright?

>she stops half-struggling and looks at you

>Pinkie: “What is it, not to chew with your mouth open?”

That too, but… even if I’m not smiling all the time, know you make me smile on the inside.

>Pinkie: “Anon~<3”

>the end