Magic Mayhem Chapter 11: Song of our People

> Got myself a pony student, really smart, always prudent.

> Twi: “Hey!”

> Gotta teach her basics of potion making.

> Find her sci-lab down below, looking mostly for good show.

> Relocate it, allocate Pinkie’s oven for baking.

> Teach Twilight theories and Greybeard’s law, earn a lecture by default.

> Knows her shit, so fuck it, time to use the water faucet~

We didn’t start the potion!

> Twi: “No, we didn’t start it, but I’m going to heart it!”

We didn’t light the burners!

> Twi: “I forgot to light it, but your complaint can bite it!”

> Bring her list of ingredients, explain what liquids complement.

> Eye of newt, brogwart’s root, a hint of alkaline.

> Not safe to consume back on Earth, Equestria’s nature gives more berth.

> So do as you say, and mix away, and add this in between.

> Two hours later, we have a potion; mana restorer, smells like lotion.

> Better let the student start the testing motion!

> Twi: “I’m not trying that first~!”

You learned to make it, now it’s time to take it!

> Twi: “You most certainly cannot make me!”

If you cannot rhyme, then I guess it’s time-

> The synths play in the background as the saxophone gives a solid low note.

To end,

> The sax shoots an octave higher, trilling the concert A natural.

This song.

> That saxophone, wherever it may be, pulls off the most wicked solo before towing out of existence.

> Musical spells are awesome.

-----

> For whatever reason, a peeping Spike from the door leading above is now in tears; as if your lyrics pierced his soul with the lamentations of science, he begins bawling as Twilight goes over to comfort him.

> Twi: “Oh Spike, his singing isn’t THAT bad…”

Hey, I never wanted to be a wizard. I’ve always dreamed of being… a musician.

> Looking off in the distance (which isn’t much, considering the fact that you’re staring with glazed eyes at a brick wall five feet away), you dream of your previous life, that of a singer, a musician;

> The lights, the focus of the crowd, the sweat running down your face as the stern conductor tenses to begin the first piece-

> Nah, you’re just fucking with them, you always wanted to be a wizard.

> Spike: “No, it’s not that… Rarity… she said…!”

> Twilight embraces him as he continues to unleash massive dragon tears.

> Twi: “She’s probably just upset from work or something, don’t think too much into it.”

> You give a vigorous cough.

Bitch.

> Not knowing the term but understanding the vulgar intent, she shoots you with an icy stare before consoling Spike a little more; from first glance, you could easily consider her an adoptive mother in these sorts of situations.

> Does that make you the father? You hold off a shudder from the thought of parenting a dragon.

Look, bucko, uh… these sort of things happen. The mares-

> You actually flinch with you hear Twilight give a loud “tch!”.

And the stallions, which includes myself, as well as any member of species now that I think about it, can get a bit grumpy, easily agitated if you will. I feel that Rarity may be more susceptible to acting so more than others, but it varies with every… p0ny.

> Twilight gives supporting nods, glad you’re not ranting about how Din awful Rarity can be.

Just take it from the guy that has to deal with Twilight Sparkle as a love interest, and know that my following advice is plenty well backed up: just roll with the flow of things, and remember that sometimes they won’t make sense until they explain themselves.

> Sniffing up the cloggy nose, Spike gives a slight chuckle and nods in somber agreement.

> Spike: “Hehe, yeah, just… y’know, it stinks.”

> Twi: “Anon?”

Yes?

> Twi: “Did you say that I don’t make sense?”

It’s about 50/50. You’re a paradox in being logically inconsistent.

> Twi: “You’re not going to receive any sexual acts tonight.”

From you? I know that, I had that planned from the start.

> Two can play that game, motherfucker.

-----

> Leaving Spike to his own devices, Twilight stiffly refuses to touch the somewhat syrupy potion that the two of you created.

> It’s not to say that it’s dangerous or improperly made; no, with almost guaranteed satisfaction you know that this concoction has been properly managed and ready to be slammed.

> Putting the fact that it can last about three days in room temperature aside, you’d rather not figure out what it ferments into after waiting so long.

> Perhaps a more powerful potion? You doubt it, to be honest.

> Most likely it will evolve into some sort of mutant poison.

> Just to clarify… that’s bad.

Twilight, this potion is perfectly safe. Do you doubt your or my skill?

> Her face crumples as if she needs to vividly pass gas; the look is almost synonymous with deep disgust, but you figured that this was the best way to describe it.

> Twi: “No, it’s just… this is a potion, right? I learned how to make stuff like this long ago…”

And?

> Twi: “They always teach you never to take potions if you don’t need to, because it’s like medicine.”

This is a magical replenisher, and you need to try it in order to understand the effects.

> Twi: “I’m afraid.”

That doesn’t exactly explain why you don’t wish to try it. Here, watch.

> Popping the cork to the flask with a well-aimed push of the thumb, you give her the classy cheers, the thousand years of life promotion, whatever you’re supposed to say when swigging something.

> And down the hatch it goes; the red fluid almost tastes like the strawberry flavored syrup you’d add to milk; watered down ever so slightly, you opt to go for a hearty sip instead and enjoy the sensation.

> Even at room temperature the potion feels ice cold going down the throat; your body loosens and your mind relaxes, and within moments of putting the container down, you feel a sudden sense of replenishment, elation even.

> Even while properly rested, this baby is the Red Bull of magic, and it even tastes better.

Ahhh. See? I’m not-

> You choke, grabbing your throat in panic as you cough in frightened motion.

> Twilight, suddenly fearful for your life, takes to your side in some sort of assistance.

> Twi: “Anon, Anon! Oh please, don’t do this to me!”

> You continue coughing for a few more motions before grinning and revealing that your stunt was merely to scare the shit out of her.

> Daresay, it worked quite well.

> Three attacks via books later, she finally tried it.

-----

> It takes her another minute or two to fully understand the experience of magically reinvigorating herself.

> Looking around, observing seemingly random objects with a fixation of calculation, she finally focuses back on you with a flurry of wonder.

> Twi: “Anon, this… this is… wow. I’ve never felt like this before, it’s as if I could lift Canterlot with the smallest spell!”

Yeah, it does give you a nice sense of clarity, huh? I doubt you could lift a city, but it certainly energizes you up for more difficult spells if you’re feeling tired.

> Twi: “Why have I never done this before?! They always tell us as fillies ‘just say no to potion abuse’, but in all my naivety… this…!”

I’m going to warn you now, that I’m only permitting you to drink a cup of this once every two days, at most.

> Still reveling in her enthusiasm of eagerness, she hops around you and gives a groan worthy of that of Pinkie Pie.

> Twi: “Ohhh~! But why? If I used this whenever I get tired or run low on magic, I could-“

Die. You can kill yourself, destroy your magic stability, or lose yourself mentally as your body becomes slowly immune to the powers of magic itself. Death generally scares the masses, though.

> She gulps, a bit shaky in her potion driven sugar rush.

> Twi: “This stuff can kill me, and you had me drink it?! You idiot!”

That alone will do nothing but make you magically intoxicated in happiness and all that jazz. If you drank this entire flask’s worth, you could easily destroy your nervous system and stop your heart or lungs on a moment’s notice.

> Think of a potion as an alcohol or high caffeine drink, except for the magical aspects of your body; just as drinking too much of either can be dangerous and lethal, so too is any concoction you make here.

> There’s tiny vials in your possession for a reason; some things are simply meant in small doses.

> Twi: “Alright, then, well. I guess I can trust you to let me know when I can have what?”

Leave it to me, sweetheart. Now I get to show you how to make a potion called the ‘Draught of Tongues’.

> Twi: “Awesome, what does that do?”

You’ll find out. Or at the very least, you’ll see what happens.

> You give her a sly wink as you address the ingredients and set procedure.

-----

> A good hour later, Twilight and you have made yet another remarkable device of interesting intention.

> Cleaning your (by your, you mean Twilight’s) utensils and other vials that were used during the fun session, the two of you finally go back upstairs to the lovely company of Trixie and a somewhat more chipper Spike.

> Both Twilight’s mane and your own hair are fairly disheveled, you set the self-chilled flask onto the table in front of the pretentious unicorn, her eye brows furling amongst her blue fur.

> Trixie: “And what, in Celestia’s name, is this?”

That, Trixie, is a Greater Mana Potion. Drinking a bit of this would allow you to take on Discord himself without a major fight. Takes three years to make, but with my magic I managed to distort time and had it done and ready in three hours.

> The swirling blue liquid, ever flowing in its lucid container, is alluring the eyes of Trixie further with each second of silence.

> This so called potion is, in fact, not such a wondrous thing; such a brew would be disastrous to make, not to mention time consuming to an extent that you likely would not be able to make one in a human’s lifespan.

> No, this is a simple ailment for the common trickster, one that you’ve been dying to make ever since you were suckered into having one yourself.

> And soon, your trivial efforts will come into fruition; all that needs to be done is a simple bait to be taken and…

> Trixie: “I wish to try it. Y’know, just to make sure that it’s not poisonous. Such a thing would be a travesty, no?”

> You look at Twilight the most serious face you could muster; your voice drops to a solemn tone, dripping with hesitation and using it like hooks for Trixie.

I don’t know, Trixie. You understand what could happen if this were to go wrong? Even for the tradeoff of being empowered in a way that you could never dream of.

> Twi: “I slaved over this for days, Trixie. We had to suspend time just to get some of the bigger details, and I want to be the first to try it.”

> Trixie’s lips wiggle about in a mixture of indignation and anxiety; Twilight made the trap set flawlessly with using herself as a means for Trixie to overcome.

> Simply put, Trixie’s arrogance and somewhat big mouth will be her own undoing- ironically, you might add.

> Trixie: “Never! I was forced out of this so-called ‘class’ for today in order for Twilight to learn something I apparently cannot, and the equivalency of balance must be made!”

> She uses her magic to lift the bottle away from you and Twilight, opens that bad boy up, and swigs down the petite drink in one go.

> Today will henceforth be known as the Day Trixie Was Quiet.

-----

> Believe it, it was well worth the work and wait.

> It took her approximately fifteen seconds to realize that she simply did not go batshit magical crazy strong.

> It took her exactly one second afterwards to realize the true identity of the potion.

> The Draught of Tongues magically “dries” the tongue up, making the afflicted unable to speak or vocalize in anyway, and quite frankly Trixie is the perfect candidate for such a thing.

Trixie, thank you for being the test subject to the Draught of Tongues. You’ll not be able to speak for about twenty four hours, although it may wear off sooner. There is no magical cure or counter spell, nor is there an antidote.

> Trixie: “…”

> Those ellipses may signal a lack of response, but her eyes are shooting a straight line for your heart.

> She’s ready to murder.

> Twi: “While I for one am not usually one for such crude pranks, Anon says that it’s a fun honor to be a victim of such a minor thing; a tradition that’s been passed on throughout the history of Greybeard’s School.”

> Trixie: “*More Death Glares*”

If looks could kill, sweetheart, you would have destroyed me ten times over already.

> She might not be able to speak, but she certainly knows how to speak her mind still.

> You realize not a moment too soon of the wind spells whirling about the room, knocking shit over like it’s Hurricane Trixie; having unleashed some sort of minor wrath, she storms out of the house and leaves it to Spike to clean the mess.

> Heaven forbids that Twilight does it, and of course y-

> Twi: “Could you help Spike clean all this up? I need to work on some… research.”

> Curses, foiled again.

-----

> After singing the Fairy Godmother’s song while cleaning up the mess, you finally get the house in decent order while Twilight reads some random book; for research, of course!

> Venturing over to sit down next to her, you lean forward to catch a glance at the title.

> “Romantic Spells and Potions to Snare Your Beloved”.

> Oh boy, you knew something like this was going to happen.

Twilight, want to hear something interesting?

> Twi: “Mmm… sure.”

Did you know that if the recipient files a complaint, one who forcibly enchants with a romantic spell can be prosecuted to the extent of the Equestrian law?

> With a gloomy sigh she closes the thick book, her head slowly rotating with movement that lacks any sort of gusto; you swear you hear cricking with each inch of motion until you finally become eye to eye with her.

> Her grins reaches wide with fervor, almost involuntary; usually you’re responded with a scoff and an “idiot” or three, but this!

> This, is completely different. You can’t exactly describe with accuracy in terms of the feelings behind this façade of a smile, but you can definitely try giving it a general term.

> This must be Twilight’s Innocent Rape Face.

Twilight… to be brutally honest, rape isn’t exactly a fetish of mine, so if it’s alright I’d like to skip that part for another time.

> Twi: “Awwwwwright, but remember that you wanted to study everything about love, even if it’s forced~! <3”

> Oh heavens, look at the time! It’s not-be-raped o’clock! Sounds like a perfect time for lunch!

-----

> Four slices of bread, wheat.

> Lettuce, finely grown and cut.

> Tomatoes, delectable and in the higher quality of edible.

> Ketchup… same thing as tomatoes.

> But, as per the usual… no meat.

> No chicken, turkey, ham, roast beef… nothing.

> You don’t let it faze you, of course; peanut butter makes up for the protein and you constantly take supplements, but that actual taste, the succulent joy of meat…

> A little over two years as a vegetarian has done you little mercy.

> An apple or two and a glass of orange juice to complete the set, you take your meal back over to the couch, where Twilight is still reading the questionable book.

> Twi: “Oooo, is one of those sandwiches mine?”

> No, fuck you, that’s your sandwich and you’ll be eating mother fucking both of them.

Yeah, take one.

> Grow some fucking balls, dude! You OWN that fucking sandwich!

> Wait… Twilight went shopping, and you’ve been hoarding any gold that’s been send your way.

> Ok, so by right the materials there are indeed hers… but… your work…!

Sigh, the things I do for love…

> Twi: “Hm?”

These sandwiches taste like they’re from above.

> You bite in the sandwich with a ravenous appetite to back it up, slowly devouring the bread with your saliva sucking the nutrients right out of the meal.

> Apples turn almost immediately into apple juice as your mouth transforms into a dark hole of sorts, the orange juice drained via the vacuum of your hungering doom.

> Within seconds, Twilight swiftly relocates her own portion of the meal before your reign of terror cleans the plate to a flawless shine.

> Twi: “Anon, slow down! You don’t need to eat so fast, alright?

Hey, I eat how I damn please, and if it’s like a boss with digestive issues, then the stars have been aligned for me.

> Twilight nibbles a bit on the edge of her sandwich passively, blowing her mane to the side before addressing your arrogance.

> Twi: “I don’t think you can rightfully apply divination to explain your eating habits, but if it makes you happy, I’m happy too~.”

> Nodding in confirmation to whatever you’re discussing about, you finish licking the plate and wrap your arms around Twilight, who is still pouring into this hopeless romantic book.

You really like reading that book, eh?

> Twi: “Mmhm, it has an interesting subject to it.”

> Taking a closer look at the two pages visible, you’re nearly traumatized by the sight.

> The most notable thing is the use of a unicorn’s horn to anally penetrate another’s no-no zone and involves a spell that causes the horn to vibrate and ooze an aphrodisiac.

Uhm, Twilight… what in Nayru’s name are you reading?

> She can’t seriously have this in store for you.

> …

> … Right?

> Twi: “I thought this was an interesting spell that makes you undergo the effects of ecstasy whenever you kiss, what do you think?”

Ah, so you were reading that! …

> On a second look over, you notice another peculiar thing.

Twilight… where are you reading that? I don’t see it…

> She gives you a side glance filled with anxiety before responding.

> Twi: “Well, right about… here.”

That is a subject about anal horn penetration, sweetheart.

> She gives a frighten squeak, as if the thought alone will give her nightmares tonight.

> Twi: “I meant, uhm, below it, silly!”

That’s still a part of the anal penetration spell where you put your horn in and-

> Twi: “Ewww, just stop it!”

> A moment of silent confusion.

> Twi: “I can’t.”

Use your horn for anal stimulation? That’s alright with me.

> Twi: “No, you idiot! I mean, yes! That’s fine too, but I meant…”

> She looks at you with befuddlement filling with tears.

> Twi: “I can’t… read it…”

Twilight, you don’t know how to read?

> Twi: “I can! It’s just, something’s been happening… my eyes have been getting more blurry, and now I can’t read as well.”

> You think over the possible cause of this; several minor issues that can be fixed easily, others a tad more serious.

> You’re not an optometrist, nor do you specialize in any sort of study regarding the eyes.

> However, you certainly have money, and you’re sure there are trained professionals in both here or in Canterlot that can figure it out.

Alright, we’ll see if you need surgery tomorrow.

> Twi: “*Gulp* Surgery?!”

Or glasses, maybe both. Maybe neither. I have a few interesting spells I could teach you, but they’re only temporary and the permanent ones are dangerous. For now, let me read out loud… and a different topic, please.

> Twi: “Can you find the kissing potion, please? I’ve heard of it and wanted to know if it’s real.”

Oh yeah, it’s real alright. Right… here, there we go. The Zapp Tapp Kiss-Kiss Potion is a prime concoction first invented by…

> Delving into the finer details of such an intricate creation, Twilight leans in and listens, her mind absorbing the descriptions and other fritter importances.

> Perhaps not the most passionate thing coming to her mind, but being read a book about potions by you is certainly something she wouldn’t pass up.

> Even if she has to exaggerate  her poor eyesight now and then.

> The End.