Title:           Anon-In-A-Batman-Suit in Equestria
Author:          tyko2000
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/Y61VJfgr
First Edit:      Saturday 28th of April 2012 05:07:48 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 28th of April 2012 05:07:48 AM CDT

> Be person who wants to be batman one day
> Have $23.14 in loose change, shopping in the discount area of grocery store
> Blinks
> Now in Equestria
-----
> You’re in a batman suit now, full vintage gear included
“FUCK YEAH I’M BATMAN”
> You run into the town limits of Ponyville
> Guards stop you, never seen a human before
> “Halt, you!”
> You show a batbomb at them, explodes in smoke
“FUCK YOU IM BATMAN”
> You know everything about Equestria
> You run around the town trying to find a tree
> You find a tree, you climb it with your batsling
> You reach the top, there are twelve guards now around the tree
> “Come down this instant, or else we’ll use force-“
“FUCK Y’ALL IM BATMAN!”
> You swoop forward, finding your location, and with your wings you glide a quarter mile
> Swing your feet forward, kick down door.
> You’re now in Twilight’s house, Spike and Twilight are staring you in bewilderment.
> Twilight: “Who the heck are you, and why are you in my home?”
“I AM BATMAN”
> You grab a chair and slam it under the doorknob, effectively barricading yourself in.
> You peek out the window, guards are searching frantically
> “What in Celestia’s name is going on here?”
“Listen, you’re a smart person, and I can trust you with a secret, can’t I?”
> “Uh… sure, but-“
“My name is Anon Wayne, and I am really Batman. I need a butler, and your name is Twilight Alfred, right?”
> “Err, no, it’s Twilight Sparkle-“
“Twilight Alfred. I can call you Alfred, right?”
> “Twilight SPARKLE-“
“ALFRED.”
> She gives a hearty sigh, seeing the crazed look in your eyes.
> “Alright, Anon-“
“BATMAN.”
> “Batman, I don’t know what I can do to help you, but if you need someone, I think the princess can-“
> You jump out the window with another chair and begin digging into the dirt outside the tree.
> Twilight and Spike stare at you through the remains of the window
> “These ponies are driving me CRAZY!”
> Be about ten minutes later, guards are warily surrounding you
> You have dug about three feet in
> You hit cement, give up and toss the battered chair at a guard before climb the tree
> “Get him!”
> You pull out an explosive bat bomb, toss at the hole
> Hole exploded, guards flying harmlessly away
“FUCK YOU IM BATMAN”
> Jumps down hole into sewer
> Claims it as the Batcave
-----
> You’re now in the batcave, in which you procured a chair out of rotten wood and rat bones
> Decide is time to fight crime, and you burst out of your hole in a very impressive fashion
> Over fifty guards have been camping outside, and you toss a dozen smokebombs
“NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA-NA BATMAN”
> You eventually make it to a performing stage, where Trixie is making her remarkable performance
> “If anyone thinks they’re better than Trixie, then let Trixie know now!”
> You punch Trixie in the face, and toss  smokebombs and lazer grenades in the air, exploding in a very exquisite fashion, wooing the crowds
> They all cheer for the remarkable performance, and  you strut a pose.
> Trixie: “How DARE you strike the GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie-!”
“Join me.”
> “Pardon Trixie?”
“Fuck your third person perspective using skills, JOIN ME ROBIN!”
> “I am TRIXIE!”
“ROBIN!”
> “TRIXIE!”
> You take away her hat and set it on fire, guards are closing in
> “HOW DARE YOU!”
“YOUR PARENTS DIED IN A CIRCLE MURDER, YOU MUST AVENGED THEM!”
> She realizes the truth in her words, and in a reformed light she dons a red mask
> “Yes, I MUST! The GREAT and POWERFUL Robin will strike fear into the unholy fear of vengeance into the criminals that done Trixie’s parents in!”
“FUCK YEAH IM BATMAN”
> You’re tackled down by a hundred guards, pass out
-----
> You wake up on a rug, now in Canterlot castle.
> Celestia and Luna are staring down at you from the throne, as you make to your feet
> Tia: “How DARE you injure my guards and hurt my subjects, who the hell do you think you ARE?”
“BITCH PLEASE IM THE MOTHERFUCKING BATMAN”
> You tackle a dozen guards and take flight out of a window, tackled midair by flying guards
> You fight your way and crash into a fountain, rocketing off into the royal gardens
> There’s a party there, you eat cake
“BATMAN IS HUNGRY MOTHER FUCKERS”
> You dodge a flying guard, and you continue your trek
> Fancy Pants is there, and you throw charcoal from a grill at his face
> “ARGH MY FACE”
“You swindled these poor ponies of Equestria with your embezzling evil Fancy… or SHOULD I SAY TWO FACE!”
> You punch him in the face, to the shock and horror of the crowd
> You see Luna’s carriage resting near the castle
> You take off to it, evading dozens of guards
> Getting on it, you push a big red button that is randomly there
> Flames shoot out the back, and the carriage rockets into the sky
“BATMOBILE MOTHER FUCKERS”
-----
> You’re wanted for an obscene amount of charges against you
> Been at large for three days
> Been rocketing in the sewer systems in Luna’s Carriage
> Ponies can hear you through the pipes
> Be hungry, take out a side pipe and enter the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres
> The Super Cider brothers are performing to a cheering crowd
> You crash into a barrel, and punch the brothers in the face midsong
> Both at the same time
> “What, well, I say, what IS this brute doing brother?”
> You put the other brother into a chokehold before he can respond, passes out
“Scum like you make me sick, foolish enough to harm people with your horrid drinks and poisoning them.”
> Rainbow Dash: “This stuff is pretty good, though!”
> You take a drink of it, it tastes god like
“This shit is TERRIBLE”
> You bite into the wooden tankard you drank from, and crack it on the other brother’s head, making him pass out
> You steal a barrel of apples, toss it on the Super Cider Squeezy 6000, and ram it with Luna’s Carraige
> Is now an apple powered Batmobile, and you launch to the skies
> Big Mac chases you down, you stole his apples
“FUCK YOU IM BATMAN”
-----
> Been under Ponyville for a month, living off of apples
> Only come up to repossess evil doer’s food stalls
> No one bothers to mess with you in the batcave
> You’re Batman
> You go upstairs to Alfred’s house to read books occasionally, although Twilight ignores you very carefully
> You give her a gadget to look at and backwards engineer
> You’re now best friends
> SCIENCE
> You come up on day to fight crime
> Decide to visit Canterlot, guards surround you as you fly into the royal chamber
> You confront Princess Luna, she tries to put you into a cannon and fire you to the moon
> Batmobile doesn’t fit, unsuccessful
> Ask if you can buy Canterlot castle with about twenty dollars in loose change
> All you can afford
> They only use bits for money, FUCK
> Tia: “Can you at least fucking tell me why you took the carriage, and rammed it into a stolen apple cart machine?”
“I seek justice, for those too weak to obtain, from criminal scum that lurk the dark streets. Where those are defenseless, I defend them. For those too strong to be fought, I fight them. For those who possess bananas, I eat them.”
> Tia: “You’re a bitch!”
“FUCK YOU IM BATMAN”
> Steal bags of bananas, she tries to use magic to stop you
> Magicks don’t work, you’re fucking Batman
> You rocket out of the castle, chased by two hundred guards
> Never seen again for two weeks
-----
> Discord gets released, Cutie Mark Crusaders caused it
> You don’t have the heart to punch a filly, so you dip them in maple syrup and tell them they did bad and to do better in life
> You give Scootaloo the Batmobile, and shows her how to fly
> Scootaloo gets her cutie mark, the bat symbol
> CMC are now airbourne and fight crime in your name
> Go into Ponyville, entirely in chaos
> You give a whistle, and a fully garbed Trixie-Robin comes to your side
> You punch Robin, and tell him he fell down the stairs
“Discord killed your parents, he’s a criminal that must be punished”
> “Let’s beat him then!”
> You stroll into the town center like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire
> Fuck that, you walk in like the motherfucking BATMAN
> Discord is on his makeshift throne, sipping in the glass of chocolate milk
> Noticing you waltzing up to him, Discord greets you
> “You wanna know how I got these cotton candy clouds?”
“No”
> You punch Discord in the face, sending him into shock
> Trixie stomps him in the eyeballs, effectively blinding him
> Discord tries to use magic to escape, fuck that he doesn’t go unless Batman says so
> You punch him multiple times, caving his face in
> You stuff smoking batbombs into his eyeballs just because, and continue going to town on him
> Robin watches
> You successfully kill Discord by punching him to death
> You become a hero of Equestria, “The Chaos Slayer Batanon”
> Celestia comes in with her guards to begrudgingly congrats you
> You punch her in the right wing and steal her carriage, pressing the button and rocketing off
“FUCK YOU IM BATMAN”
> End