Title: ADiaD cut/amended outlines and notes Author: twilight_game_night Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/Asd5JwDQ First Edit: Sunday 14th of August 2016 11:45:02 PM CDT Last Edit: Sunday 14th of August 2016 11:45:02 PM CDT Original outline for lines 3 to 2490 of http://pastebin.com/c348Pg2X This is what my outlines usually look like, when I bother to have one, somewhat rambling and written mostly in caps. Hopefully the story gets written before I have a chance or need to expand on the outline.   LAUREN TAKES THEM INTO TOWN. DROPS APPLE BLOOM OFF WITH SCOOTALOO. HEMATITE GETS TO MEET HER. LAUREN IS RELIGIOUS? TOKEN RELIGIOUS? STOPS BY CHURCH TO PRAY FOR HER MOM. WHILE IN TOWN, LAUREN HEARS SOMEONE COMMENTING ABOUT HOW BIG IT’S GETTING. THERE’S TALK OF REPARING/EXTENDING ROAD THAT GOES TO FARMS TO LEAD ON TO ANOTHER CITY. HEMATITE MEETS DERPY. MICA GOES WITH HEMATITE. redheart explains the song thing to Lauren? Hematite insists she can hear it. REDHEART SAYS THERE'S NO WAY, FILLY HAS NEVER HEARD IT >"NO, I CAN HEAR IT! I MEAN, NOT *HEAR* IT, BUT I CAN FEEL IT. STRONGEST WHEN AROUND SCOOTALOO OR AUNTIE MAUD OR... OR *YOU*. It’s weaker with you. I CAN FEEL IT WITH SILVER SPOON, TOO." IT’S WEAKER THE FEWER PONIES ARE AROUND. STRONGEST AT HOME. TELLS NURSE SHE SHOULD COME BACK TO PONYVILLE. SHE SAYS PONYVILLE BURNED. >MICA ”OLD PONYVILLE BURNED. WE BUILT A NEW ONE!” HOPE >HEMATITE – IT’S STRONGER THERE. DOCTOR ALDA ISN’T SO BAD. HE CARES, BUT HE’S NOT… HE’S NOT… >HE’S NOT FAMILY. SPARK >SHE CAN FEEL THE MAGIC AGAIN.   *****   Rough outline for lines 506 to 2490 of http://pastebin.com/c348Pg2X As I continued, I found it difficult to line up all of the POVs so important things happened at the same time. It wouldn't be a problem if one character had a revelation at one time and another had it later, except that would be repetitive for the reader. I wanted everything to come together at once for impact. To help with this, I expanded the outline. It didn't help. This outline was too detailed and I found it hard to work with, and only advanced by setting it aside and working from scratch. Removed the focus on hope and changed it to the magic suppressants the ponies take because that was a familiar issue.   APPLE BLOOM TALKS WITH SCOOTALOO – SUDDENLY JEALOUS OF SCOOTS RELATIONSHIP WITH BILL LAUREN GOES TO CLINIC     ACTUALLY, I’M HERE CUZ OF THEM.     >OH? NEED THEIR SHOTS?     DROPS HEMATITE WITH NURSE REDHEART     GOES TO SEE DOCTOR ON HER OWN HEMATITE TALKS WITH REDHEART, IS SHOWN HOW TO DO SOME THINGS.     PONY MED CONVERSATION     Got your shots?     >Don’t you remember? You gave it to me.     I did? I’m sure I would have remembered somepony with a cutie mark like that.     >MICA – “SHE JUST GOT IT!”     CUTIE MARK CONVERSATION         "Is this even something you need to know"     GIVEN SOME SUPPLIES UNDER THE TABLE. LAUREN TALKS WITH DOCTOR.     DOCTOR KNOWS HOW SHE WAS HURT. DEMANDS ANSWERS.     REFUSES APPLE BLOOM TALKS WITH SCOOTALOO ABOUT EVERYTHING     STARTS WITH KICKING LAUREN.     SCOOTALOO IS SURPRISED SHE’S STILL ALIVE.     >"Didn't think you'd be the kind to take your suppressants."     "I ain't, not less I gotta."     >"How'd she not get kicked in fucking half?" LAUREN STOPS AT CHURCH     HEMATITE MEETS DERPY APPBLE BLOOM KEEPS TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING     "Ain't as strong as Ah used to be, Scootaloo."     >You sigh and curl up in on yourself even tighter.     "Workin' in the deadzone, Ah think it got to me."     >"BULLSHIT, I WAS THERE WITH YOU AND I'M FINE."     AB GOES ON ABOUT HOW WORTHLESS SHE IS, HOW EVERYPONY STILL TREATS HER LIKE A FILLY     SCOOTALOO FREAKS OUT, BECAUSE AB WAS ALWAYS THE STRONG ONE - MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. ANON AND MOONDANCER COOK AND TALK     MOONDANCER ASKS ABOUT ROMA. LAUREN HEADS BACK TO HEMATITE.     HEMATITE AND REDHEART ARE STILL TALKING APPLE BLOOM DOES SOMETHING.     SCOOTALOO IS SURPRISED APPLE BLOOM isn't on her pills.     She's acting like she still is. ANON AND MOONDANCER FINISH COOKING     UP TO SHE DROPS THE SPAGHETTI LAUREN LISTENS AS HEMATITE TALK     MAGIC REVELATION ANON AND MOONDANCER     UP TO “I MAY HAVE TO REVISE MY THEORIES” LAUREN WATCHES AS MICA ASKS REDHEART TO COME BACK TO FARM WITH THEM     SHE LAUGHS IT OFF     IT’S IMPOSSIBLE     “WELL, MAYBE LATER, WHEN YOU BORED BEING HERE. HEMATITE COULD SURE USE SOMEPONY LIKE YOU TO TEACH HER EVERYTHING. SHE’S GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!” LAUREN PICKS UP APPLE BLOOM ANON AND MOONDANCER     >"WELL, WE MIGHT AS WELL ALL GO OFF OUR MEDS. PENDING PSYCH EVALS. MAYBE WE CAN GET SPECIAL DISPENSATION OR SOMETHING. I KNOW IT'S DONE WITH UNICORNS IN CERTAIN FIELDS. THEY TRIED TO GET ME TO JOIN, BUT APPLE BLOOM MADE SOME CONVINCING ARGUMENTS."   *****   Sometimes I will give a specific scene a detailed outline, usually when a bit of banter or dialogue comes to me and seems just right. This scene had two main purposes. The first to show that it's not entirely the suppressants stopping the ponies from using their magic. The second is to make Moondancer spill spaghetti everywhere. Cut because of the change of focus, difficulty of working it in, and realization that Farmer Anon would go apeshit over her using magic.   DETAILED SPAGHETTI SCENE MD – WE ALL HAVE OUR ONE SPECIAL TALENT, BUT IT IS NEITHER THE DEFINITION NOR THE SUM OF US. A – NOT ALL OF YOU. MD – NO, BUT I’M HOPING THAT MAY CHANGE MD - EXPLAINS HER THEORY OF MAGIC (COMMUNITY + NOPILL) MD - THE PILL ISN'T TOO DISSIMILAR TO ANTIDEPRESSANTS. BLOCKS CHEMS IN THE BRAIN. A - HOW YOU KNOW THIS? MD - ORIGINALLY DEVELOPED BY TS (AND HERSELF) TO HELP ACCLIMATE PONIES TO THIS MAGICALLY DEAD WORLD. IT BLOCKS THE ABILITY TO FEEL MAGIC, SO THOSE USING IT TENDED TO DRAW TOO DEEPLY ON THEMSELVES. MD - USE STOPPED AFTER A PEGASUS FELL TO HER DEATH BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T REALIZE HER MAGIC WAS OUT. MD - THESE SUPPRESSANTS ARE BASICALLY THE SAME, BUT AT A MUCH HIGHER DOSAGE. DISPLAYS SIGNS OF MAGIC, CARRYING SPAGHETTI TO TABLE WITH IT A POINTS IT OUT MD DROPS IT SPAGHETTI EVERYWHERE >ANON TRIES NOT TO PANIC. >MD DOES. MD - I TOOK MY PILL TODAY! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NONE OF THIS... MD - I MAY NEED TO REVISE MY THEORIES. >THINKS MD - I DON'T... A - HOPE. MD - WE HAVEN'T HAD THAT SINCE CELESTIA DIED. A - YOU SEEM TO HAVE IT NOW.   *****   Part of the style of this story is to avoid using the POV character's names in their sections (and Anon's name at all). Mostly this is for shits n' giggles, but also because they are all supposed to be ashamed or at least unhappy with their actions and would rather not be associated with them. If/when I edit this entire story and break it down into chapters, each chapter will begin with a quote from a letter, with the general implication that the text that follows is also part of a letter, an anonymous confession to Princess Celestia or someone else. For example, one chapter is going to start with a letter implied to be from Apple Bloom: "Dear Princess Luna, I think I know how it must have felt, being all alone on the moon. I feel it every day." Or something like that. Another would be "Dear Princess Celestia, I miss you." If/when that editing happens, I may make Moondancer and Cheerilee POV characters and will be swapping Hematite's POV sections to other characters. Possibly cut Silver Spoon as a POV character once she cheers up, but she's too useful to do that. I'll have to find some lingering regret for her. Possibly abandoning (as she sees it) Diamond Tiara.   Anyway, the key thing here is a character's name is never supposed to be used in a section written from their POV. Occasionally I'll fuck up and it'll slip in. Usually it's not important, just a simple case of changing the name to a pronoun or simply removing it. Sometimes it actually is important. Sometimes it's meant to be a hint, but I cock things up because that's what I do.   A change to line 2317 of http://pastebin.com/c348Pg2X The line should read: "Dear Princess -"