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Perfect world: Arrival

By: thegiantmidget on Sep 14th, 2012 | syntax: None | size: 21.31 KB | hits: 15 | expires: Never

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“Awww my head"
>Your head is killing you, not any more than a usual hangover
>but still >Fuck
>What didn’t feel like a usual hangover was the pain on the back of your neck, a Tingling sensation across your body and the stinging light shining in your eyes.
“God i hate the sun”
>Wait....its September in a big English city; it’s not normally this sunny...
>your jimmies remain at half rustle while you try to stand up
>objective 1: check if you’re hurt
>objective2: stand up
>objective 3: find out where you are
>your vision is still blurry so you feel behind you to see what you’re leaning against
>Feels like a tree
>Well that explains the pain on the back of my head.
>You feel the back of your head and check for blood, success you’re not bleeding
>You drag yourself up, leaning on the tree and shielding your eyes from the sunlight
>Okay that’s two steps down now for the third
>You look around, studying your surroundings, trees everywhere... nothing suspicious here.....
“TREES EVERYWHERE!!”
>You live in a city not fucking Sherwood Forest what happened?
“Ok just think about this logically”
>You say to yourself
> the adrenaline from the situation obviously helping with your hangover
>You got drugged
>And now you’re in a forest
>Easy, this a practical joke
>You’ve been dropped of in some....... Nearby fucking nature reserve as some cruel joke
>That’s okay
>just some hidden camera show, maybe they’ll show up soon to tell me which cheap show I’m on..
>Lovely, it will give me a chance to kill them with my bare hands....
>With your situation figured out you decide to start walking, the edge can’t be that far out surely
>You continue on for what seems like 30 minutes? Maybe longer, you’re not a good judge of time
>you still see no signs of civilisation, just trees and wildlife, great
>As you walk you start to sing to yourself to pass the lime
>Oceans by Evanescence
>The sound must have woke up something in the woods as what seemed like a chicken appears in your peripheral vision, just to your right.
>Without breaking you’re stride, or song, you kick it into a nearby tree, seemingly killing it or knocking it out.
>fucking hate animals
>anyway
>You carry on walking past the tree
“CROSS THE OCEANS IN MY MIND...AHHHHHHHAHHHHAHHH...wait?”
>You stop and think
>I could be lost for a while; i may have to do some bear grills like survival shit here
>You better keep that bird for food
>You walk back and look at your ‘kill’ you immediately sense a disturbance in your jimmies....
>Picking the......thing...... up by its tail you give it a thorough examination....yep defiantly a thing..
>Bat wings, chicken body, shark teeth, snake tail
>looks like something from a Tim Burton film
>it almost looks familiar but you don’t know where from...
>You sling it over your shoulder and carry on walking
>When you finally escape you can hand it over to the lab coats at Birmingham uni
>Maybe they’ll let you name it...that’d be the shit
>You carry on walking; you try to think how long you’ve been walking
>instinctively you pull out your iphone from your left pocket
>3:00 in the afternoon, well those must have been some pretty strong drugs
>you move on to checking the map..
>Nothing..no satellite signal...your jimmies rustle slightly before you think
“ it’s probably the trees, can’t get a signal”
>You proceed to check your phone and as you thought no signal
>Master of deduction
>Upon realizing that you have your phone you stop and check your other pockets
>Knife check, wallet check
>This was pretty reassuring, you knew now that when you did reach the end of this forest you could pay for a train ride home or a hotel or something.
>That is if you are anywhere near a town and haven’t been dumped in some nature reserve somewhere.
>You carry on for EXACTLY 23 minutes before seeing the edge of the forest
“Finally, you can get out, get a train home and find out who did this to you so you can cut his ..........wat”
The sight you saw rustled you beyond imagination
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
>Ponyville....it was unmistakable...colourful ponies, big eyes and everything..all talking, carrying things walking along a dirt road leading into town it was fucking >...........unmistakable.
>You dived behind a tree sitting to catch your breath
>This cant be a hallucination you’ve been awake for hours, you pinch yourself repeatedly to test if it’s a dream, stare at your hands to check for a trip
>nope all ten fingers completely clear.
>The thing next to you, you knew you recognized it from somewhere, a cockatrice, capable of turning you to stone by looking at you
>thinking about it your lucky to be alive..
“okay”
>You whisper to yourself
“Need to scout this out make sure I’m right”
>It could be a different place, as in no mane six or ponyville, what if they don’t speak English?
>What if the date is different and all the ponies I know are dead?
>You scout out the town and.....
>yeah it was ponyville... you could see Rarity’s house, the tree house, the town hall, everything you even think you saw the cmc running around.
>Okay you need to calm down and think.
>You fling your cockatrice over your left shoulder and move into the forest...
>it had started to rain so you needed somewhere dry collect your thoughts
>You find a large rock and a fallen down tree forming like a makeshift camp
>Lying down on the soft leaf layered ground you begin to weigh up your options
>Do you want to live in equestria? Do you want to go home? If this really is the equestria you’ve watched for the last year can you use it to your advantage?
>All your life you’ve had one dream, all the work, exams and planning was all leading to you being a scientist or politician, someone with power and responsibility.
>Somebody with a worthwhile life, who made a difference who helped people and made their lives..........
>easier............
>Sod it you just wanted the power.
>You wanted to be rich, able to afford all the things you could never have....
> holidays, big homes, you wanted to be famous, not too famous, just well known and respected...you wanted to be....
>*THUMP*
>OWW!!!!!......
>In your excitement at the situation you had forgotten that you where lying under a fallen tree and you ended up banging you’re head pretty hard
>You lie back down rubbing your forehead
>Believe it or not
>Here you are somebody
>You’re an alien, you have knowledge of alien technology, you know equestria is pretty much in the medieval times in terms of technology
>With your knowledge you could do anything
>If you just went home or lived a normal life in equestrian you would be living type of life you hated
>9-5 job, family maybe, completely expendable just another cog in a machine
>But
>Here I know their personalities
>Their life styles
>Their leaders
>Their weaknesses
>here you’re a genius
>Here you have power
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“POWER BUT NO FOOOOOOD”
>You had just realized you haven’t eaten all day
>the sound from your stomach being a dead giveaway
>You can’t eat the cockatrice; the fucking thing can turn people to stone! It’s too valuable to eat
>You couldn’t go into town now, you’d probably get the zecora treatment, yeaaah you need to keep a low profile.
>You turn around now lying on your side
“I’ll try and get some sleep, then get food”
>You knew you needed someone to get you food
>You needed someone you could reason with
>Someone logical, someone you knew well, their personality, their mannerisms
>Someone easily trusting and gullible
>There’s only one option really, You think as you nod off to sleep
>planning your next steps in your mind
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
>You wake up refreshed and .......staaaaaaaaaaarrrrving!!!!
>You stretch your body, clicking your neck and arms.
>You begin to get up, stopping just before hitting the tree
“You’re not getting me this time tree!”
>Yeah you showed that tree
>Rolling over to your left you get up, stretch properly and look up toward the sky
>Looks like night time
>You check your phone, 6:24
>Perfect the town should be quiet
>You grab your phone, wallet, knife and uuhhhhh cockatrice.... before heading out.
>You where smart enough to leave a trail leading you to the edge of the Forrest.
>Peeking your head out from behind a tree you look around town.
>Closed stands, house lights on, perfect
>You had two objectives
>Get something to cover up your pet dead bird thingy
>Then find twilight’s tree house and charm my way into her letting me stay and have something to eat.................
>You had weighed up pinkie but you decided on twilight as you figured she’d be easier to charm
>you say charm but you mean bullshit, bullshit like you’ve never bullshited before
“Yeeeeeaaaaaah that should do the trick”
>Random pony:”did you hear something dear?”
>Shit nigga
>You practically full faceplant as you try to get under a nearby window.
>full sneak mode engaged
>You hear the above window opening and see out of the corner of your eye a bright yellow pony stick her head out and look around.
>Random pony: “must have been my imagination”
>Just like Skyrim
>You get up of the floor now crouching as you creep around town
>After a few minutes of aimless wondering around you spot Rarity’s boutique with, just as you expected, cloths left on the washing lines.
>Jackpot
>You wanted some cloth to cover up your cockatrice , you had a cunning plan for this cockatrice and you DO NOT want to lose it.
>grabbing one of the large sheets
> which looks like a bed sheet or something
>you tie up the cockatrice with a nearby stick
>it looked like some classic hobo style shit going on
>but it was perfect for the story you’re giving twilight.
>You casually walk to the library, knowing now you have your story set and ready
>Arriving at twilight’s house you knock and await a response
>After a short period the door was answered by a confused looking spike
>Spike:”uuuuuuh who are.....”
“Hello i’m looking for a twilight sparkle, i was sent by Celestia.” You say in as cheery and nonchalant voice as you can manage
>The surprised looking spike shook his head quickly then replied
>Spike: “sure she’s just upstairs” he pulls you inside and runs to the stairs
>Spike “TWI! THERES SOMEONE HERE TO SEE YOU”
>He really is just like a little kid, I used to do that whenever my mum asked me to get my sister...
>Twilight: “WHO IS IT” she shouted back
>Spike “I DON’T KNOW HE SAIS CELESTIA SENT HIM”
>Twilight: “..........I’LL BE RIGHT DOWN”
>You close the door behind you and place your ‘hobo stick’ down next to the door
>You begin to rock on your heels as you wait for twilight, hearing frantic moving of books and paper up stairs.
>You see the door open and twilight trot down the stairs, she looks just like the show, a little shorter than you imagined but...
>Twilight: “I’m sorry for taking so long, i don’t normally get visitors from the princess, i assumed it was a check up so i did a little cleaning up, I’m a little surprised the princess didn’t .....Send ....a......let......ter...........”
>The purple unicorn stares blankly at you for a few seconds looking you up and down.
“Ah, the princess said you might react like, is there some where we can sit so i can explain?”
>She shakes her head a little before replying “ummm ofcorse, spike can you go make us some tea?”
“FUCK YESS i could do with some tea right know, milk and two sugars please”
>Spike proceeds to look daggers at you before being interrupted by twilight
>Twilight: “spike! We have a royal guest we should be catering to his every need!”
>Spike “but twilight”
>Twilight “royal guest” she said through gritted teeth
“yeeeeaaahhh and speaking of catering do have any food?”
>Spike “ I’ll have a look around” spike trotted off to the kitchen in what seems like a bit of a huff
>Twilight “now if you follow me to living room we can get down to business”
“After you”
>Told you she was gullible
>Heh if I can pull this off I’ll deserve an Oscar
>Don’t get ahead of yourself now this is the hard bit, screw up and you’re in deep horse shit
>Okay just try and be calm.
>Twilight sits on the floor across from you, you where sitting on a settee with a small coffee table in-between you , it was a little small but you where able to fit.
>Twilight looks full of questions so you decide to pre-empt her
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions”
>Twilight “oooh like.. Who are you, what are you and why are you here?” she says with a consummate smile on her face
“Yeah like those, basically Celestia recruited me to deal with the changeling problem equestria has been having, you may have heard about the attack on the wedding?”
>Twilight “i was there actually”
>nice touch
“really? Celestia never mentioned that, well my people are experts on dealing with changelings so they sent me to help with the problem “
>twilight: “you’re people?”
“oh yes I’m a hairless monkey from a place called Simonium you may have heard of us?”
“i haven’t actually”
>Ha I’m one step ahead of you bitch!
“Well we are a nomadic people, quite a lot like the zebras really”
>You had a feeling after the whole zecora and ‘dont judge a book book by its cover’ bullshit she’d fall for this one
>And surprise surprise, you can see her visually click and her body language loosen up
>Twilight: “Sorry, i was just a little suspicious as the princess normally sends me letters about important matters like this”
>She lowers her head looking a little dejected
>Shitshitshit i hadn’t thought of this
“ummmmmmmm....well....it was classified information, had the changelings intercepted the letter my life would be in danger.......she did say you where her most trusted and talented student, she >probably just trusted that you’d cope”
>The mention of ‘trusted and talented’ seems to have done the trick
>Thinking about it
>You can’t remember the princess actually showing any approval to twilight
>You hadn’t even finished your thoughts before being interrupted by an exuberant
>Her eyes widened and so did her smile
>“did she really say that??”
>Careful now
“yeah she was literally singing your praises, saying you where the best student she’s ever ha........UGH!”
>Before you’d even finished you where buffeted by a star struck twilight hugging you tightly
>You’re mind crossed quickly to the thousands of autists who would kill to be where you where now >but you’re train of thought was, again, interrupted by
>“Thank you! Thank you so much, I’ve been waiting so long to hear anything like that from the princess!”
>“ooooooh I’m so excited!” she said clopping her hooves together like a little filly “I’m going to go tell all my friends about this!”
>Awww that was adorable....NO STICK TO THE GAME PLAN MAN! You need to ask her about staying the night... and for food....God I’m so hungry....
>Almost as if on cue spike walks in, carrying a silver looking tray with tea and sandwiches...
>Daisy sandwiches......
>fuck me I forgot about those...
>I’ll have to work on getting a hold of some meat once I’ve paid my ummm...........
>‘visit’
>To the changelings tomorrow
>Spike: “I’m not interrupting anything am I?”
>Twilight’s sudden hug and burst of emotion had left her sitting on your lap without realizing
>This elicits a deep blush from both of you as she hopes onto the seat next to you
>“oh no....nothing i just got some very good news from mister....”
>She gently slaps her forehead with a hoof
>“how rude of me i haven’t even got your name mister...”
>...........................................................
“Anonymous....Anonymous unknown”
>Smooth, but I could get used to this
“just call me anon, all my friends do”
>spike:“ahem”
>Oh yeah i forgot about spike and my precious food
>Rabbit food..... but still, foooooood
“Cheers spike”
>you take the tray of him, you place the tray in the middle of the table and help yourself to the sandwiches and other treats, cakes and biscuits predominantly
>Tea as well, perfect, weak, milky and sweet how I like it, even the sandwiches where good, would be better with a big slab of ham but hey beggars can’t be choosers
>twilight “Wow you must have been hungry”
>Oh yeah i forgot all about puplesmart and spike
“yeah I’ve been travelling for two days and i haven’t had much to eat”
>twilight “Couldn’t you have just stopped and bought some food?”
“Don’t have any money, well no bits at least”
>You flash some five pound notes you had in your wallet for that extra believability
>twilight looks at you strangely “isn’t the Princess paying you for this?
“No actually, it’s more a favour, im shure the village elders will pay me when i get back”
>Village elders? Seriously? Okay just run with it
“so yeah until then i guess I’m just winging it”
>Twilight “That’s terrible they should be giving you more help”
>spike “heh ‘winging it’ that sounds like something dash would say”
“yeah she probably would”
>twilight “wait, you know dash?”
>Your eye twitches
>shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit common man calm down shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit JUST PUT ON YOUR COOL FACE!
“ummm yeah kind of....cyan Pegasus, rainbow mane, crashed into me earlier while practicing tricks”
>spike “Yeah that sounds like dash alright”
>Phew
>After that little close shave the
>Thinking about it
>There were quite a few ‘close shaves’ maybe it’ just me overacting
>Anyway I haven’t exactly given her any reason not to trust me
>Yet.....MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
>Meanwhile the three of you continue talking for a little while
>Well, they were talking, you where merrily stuffing your face and nodding in agreement
>After a while you stealthily checked your iphone for the time, wasn’t that late about 10:30
>twilight “wow is that the time, spike you need get to bed mister!”
>Again! This is getting creepy now
>spike “come oooooon twi its Saturday tomorrow!! Why can’t i stay up?”
>Good it’s Friday, i was wondering but i couldn’t read the pony language on the calendar
>“now remember spike you have plenty of chores....you have to help me organize the library send that pile of notes to the princess”
> She points a hoof at a large and obviously neglected pile of letters
>“and you promised to help rarity with her orders remember, know you wouldn’t be my top assistant if you neglected your chores would you?
>spike “i guess not”
>......fuck it I’m gonna have a little fun here
“as...what?.....I’ve never heard of that before..”
>twilight “really, assistant, you know like a helper someone who does chores or jobs for you”
“ooooooohhhh you mean like a slave....”
>This immediately causes twilight to spit out her drink in shock
>While spike, on the other hand, is giggling franticly
>twilight “oh nonononononoonononono spike does his chores because he wants to, it’s his job..”
“Oh so you pay him then”
>Twilight “well no, it’s complicated..”
>spike “yeah twi why don’t i get paid!”
>Twilight begins to push spike out of the door
>twilight “heheheh he gets a bit cranky when he’s sleepy I’ll...put him to bed, I’ll be back in a bit”
>spike “i don’t wanna go to bed i wanna talk about why i don’t get pa-*THUMP*“the door is slammed shut mid sentence
>You couldn’t help but laugh out loud
>This whole night was worth just for the look on twilight’s face just then
>You walk around the library for a few minutes while twi sorts out spike
>Nothing you didn’t expect
>Piles of notes, letters for the princes, a metric fuck ton of books oh and you cannot forget yourchobo stick with my cockatrice inside, I’ve got big plans for that cockatrice
>Evil.laugh.jpg
>Twilight walks back in the room after a few minutes,looking distressed
“Sorry if that was a touchy subject.....where i come from it was abolished many years ago i didn’t know....”
>“spike is not a sla-......*sigh* oh forget it, do you want me to get your bed ready”
>you snap out of your giggling fit long enough to reply
“Yes please if isn’t too much trouble”
>“oh it’s nothing, especially for someone doing so much for equestria”
>Oh yeah i forgot about that
“yeah about that, if is is’nt too much trouble could give me hand getting some ingredients for my ‘changeling repellent’ tomorrow?”
>“absolutely! I’ll do anything to help keep equestria safe! What do you need?”
“oh not much really....just a couple of things...just some sulphur, salt peter ,coal, wood, metal tubes and pellets ...nothing much”

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“Awww my head"
>Your head is killing you, not any more than a usual hangover			                                         
>but still 										                                                                                                                                                         >Fuck											              
>What didn’t feel like a usual hangover was the pain on the back of your neck, a Tingling sensation across your body and the stinging light shining in your eyes.	                    
“God i hate the sun” 									                    
>Wait....its September in a big English city; it’s not normally this sunny...	
>your jimmies remain at half rustle while you try to stand up
>objective 1: check if you’re hurt
>objective2: stand up
>objective 3: find out where you are
>your vision is still blurry so you feel behind you to see what you’re leaning against
>Feels like a tree                                                                                                                                                               
>Well that explains the pain on the back of my head.
>You feel the back of your head and check for blood, success you’re not bleeding
>You drag yourself up, leaning on the tree and shielding your eyes from the sunlight
>Okay that’s two steps down now for the third
>You look around, studying your surroundings,  trees everywhere... nothing suspicious here.....
“TREES EVERYWHERE!!” 
>You live in a city not fucking Sherwood Forest what happened?
“Ok just think about this logically”
>You say to yourself
> the adrenaline from the situation obviously helping with your hangover
>You got drugged 
>And now you’re in a forest
>Easy, this a practical joke
>You’ve been dropped of in some....... Nearby fucking nature reserve as some cruel joke
>That’s okay
>just some hidden camera show, maybe they’ll show up soon to tell me which cheap show I’m on..
>Lovely, it will give me a chance to kill them with my bare hands....
>With your situation figured out you decide to start walking, the edge can’t be that far out surely
>You continue on for what seems like 30 minutes? Maybe longer, you’re not a good judge of time
>you still see no signs of civilisation, just trees and wildlife, great
>As you walk you start to sing to yourself to pass the lime 
>Oceans by Evanescence
>The sound must have woke up something in the woods as what seemed like a chicken appears in your peripheral vision, just to your right.
>Without breaking you’re stride, or song, you kick it into a nearby tree, seemingly killing it or knocking it out.
>fucking hate animals
>anyway
>You carry on walking past the tree
“CROSS THE OCEANS IN MY MIND...AHHHHHHHAHHHHAHHH...wait?”
>You stop and think
>I could be lost for a while; i may have to do some bear grills like survival shit here 
>You better keep that bird for food
>You walk back and look at your ‘kill’ you immediately sense a disturbance in your jimmies....
>Picking the......thing...... up by its tail you give it a thorough examination....yep defiantly a thing..
>Bat wings, chicken body, shark teeth, snake tail
>looks like something from a Tim Burton film 
>it almost looks familiar but you don’t know where from...
>You sling it over your shoulder and carry on walking
>When you finally escape you can hand it over to the lab coats at Birmingham uni 
>Maybe they’ll let you name it...that’d be the shit
>You carry on walking; you try to think how long you’ve been walking 
>instinctively you pull out your iphone from your left pocket
>3:00 in the afternoon, well those must have been some pretty strong drugs
>you move on to checking the map..
>Nothing..no satellite signal...your jimmies rustle slightly before you think
“ it’s probably the trees, can’t get a signal”
>You proceed to check your phone and as you thought no signal
>Master of deduction
>Upon realizing that you have your phone you stop and check your other pockets
>Knife check, wallet check
>This was pretty reassuring, you knew now that when you did reach the end of this forest you could pay for a train ride home or a hotel or something.
>That is if you are anywhere near a town and haven’t been dumped in some nature reserve somewhere.
>You carry on for EXACTLY 23 minutes before seeing the edge of the forest
“Finally, you can get out, get a train home and find out who did this to you so you can cut his ..........wat”
The sight you saw rustled you beyond imagination
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

>Ponyville....it was unmistakable...colourful ponies, big eyes and everything..all talking, carrying things walking along a dirt road leading into town it was fucking >...........unmistakable.
>You dived behind a tree sitting to catch your breath
>This cant be a hallucination you’ve been awake for hours, you pinch yourself repeatedly to test if it’s a dream, stare at your hands to check for a trip
>nope  all ten fingers completely clear.
>The thing next to you, you knew you recognized it from somewhere, a cockatrice, capable of turning you to stone by looking at you
>thinking about it your lucky to  be alive..
“okay”
>You whisper to yourself
“Need to scout this out make sure I’m right”
>It could be a different place, as in no mane six or ponyville, what if they don’t speak English? 
>What if the date is different and all the ponies I know are dead?
>You scout out the town and.....
>yeah it was ponyville... you could see Rarity’s house, the tree house, the town hall, everything you even think you saw the cmc running around.
>Okay you need to calm down and think.
>You fling your cockatrice over your left shoulder and move into the forest...
>it had started to rain so you needed somewhere dry collect your thoughts
>You find a large rock and a fallen down tree forming like a makeshift camp 
>Lying down on the soft leaf layered ground you begin to weigh up your options
>Do you want to live in equestria? Do you want to go home? If this really is the equestria you’ve watched for the last year can you use it to your advantage?
>All your life you’ve had one dream, all the work, exams and planning was all leading to you being a scientist or politician, someone with power and responsibility.
>Somebody with a worthwhile life, who made a difference who helped people and made their lives..........
>easier............
>Sod it you just wanted the power. 
>You wanted to be rich, able to afford all the things you could never have....
> holidays, big homes, you wanted to be famous, not too famous, just well known and respected...you wanted to be....
>*THUMP*
>OWW!!!!!......
>In your excitement at the situation you had forgotten that you where lying under a fallen tree and you ended up banging you’re head pretty hard
>You lie back down rubbing your forehead
>Believe it or not 
>Here you are somebody
>You’re an alien, you have knowledge of alien technology, you know equestria is pretty much in the medieval times in terms of technology
>With your knowledge you could do anything
>If you just went home or lived a normal life in equestrian you would be living type of life you hated
>9-5 job, family maybe, completely expendable just another cog in a machine
>But
>Here I know their personalities
>Their life styles
>Their leaders
>Their weaknesses
>here you’re a genius
>Here you have power
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“POWER BUT NO FOOOOOOD”
>You had just realized you haven’t eaten all day	
>the sound from your stomach being a dead giveaway
>You can’t eat the cockatrice; the fucking thing can turn people to stone! It’s too valuable to eat
>You couldn’t go into town now, you’d probably get the zecora treatment, yeaaah you need to keep a low profile.
>You turn around now lying on your side
“I’ll try and get some sleep, then get food”
>You knew you needed someone to get you food
>You needed someone you could reason with
>Someone logical, someone you knew well, their personality, their mannerisms
>Someone easily trusting and gullible
>There’s only one option really, You think as you nod off to sleep
>planning your next steps in your mind
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
>You wake up refreshed and  .......staaaaaaaaaaarrrrving!!!!
>You stretch your body, clicking your neck and arms.
>You begin to get up, stopping just before hitting the tree
“You’re not getting me this time tree!”
>Yeah you showed that tree
>Rolling over to your left you get up, stretch properly and look up toward the sky
>Looks like night time
>You check your phone, 6:24
>Perfect the town should be quiet
>You grab your phone, wallet, knife and uuhhhhh cockatrice.... before heading out.
>You where smart enough to leave a trail leading you to the edge of the Forrest.
>Peeking your head out from behind a tree you look around town.
>Closed stands, house lights on, perfect 
>You had two objectives
>Get something to cover up your pet dead bird thingy
>Then find twilight’s tree house and charm my way into her letting me stay and have something to eat.................
>You had weighed up pinkie but you decided on twilight as you figured she’d be easier to charm
>you say charm but you mean bullshit, bullshit like you’ve never bullshited before
“Yeeeeeaaaaaah that should do the trick”
>Random pony:”did you hear something dear?”
>Shit nigga
>You practically full faceplant as you try to get under a nearby window.
>full sneak mode engaged
>You hear the above window opening and see out of the corner of your eye a bright yellow pony stick her head out and look around.
>Random pony: “must have been my imagination”
>Just like Skyrim
>You get up of the floor now crouching as you creep around town
>After a few minutes of aimless wondering around you spot Rarity’s boutique with, just as you expected, cloths left on the washing lines.
>Jackpot
>You wanted some cloth to cover up your cockatrice , you had a cunning plan for this cockatrice and you DO NOT want to lose it.
>grabbing one of the large sheets
> which looks like a bed sheet or something
>you tie up the cockatrice with a nearby stick
>it looked like some classic hobo style shit going on 
>but it was perfect for the story you’re giving twilight.
>You casually walk to the library, knowing now you have your story set and ready
>Arriving at twilight’s house you knock and await a response
>After a short period the door was answered by a confused looking spike
>Spike:”uuuuuuh who are.....”
“Hello i’m looking for a twilight sparkle, i was sent by Celestia.” You say in as cheery and nonchalant voice as you can manage
>The surprised looking spike shook his head quickly then replied
>Spike: “sure she’s just upstairs” he pulls you inside and runs to the stairs
>Spike “TWI! THERES SOMEONE HERE TO SEE YOU”
>He really is just like a little kid, I used to do that whenever my mum asked me to get my sister...
>Twilight: “WHO IS IT” she shouted back 
>Spike “I DON’T KNOW HE SAIS CELESTIA SENT HIM”
>Twilight: “..........I’LL BE RIGHT DOWN”
>You close the door behind you and place your ‘hobo stick’ down next to the door
>You begin to rock on your heels as you wait for twilight, hearing frantic moving of books and paper up stairs.
>You see the door open and twilight trot down the stairs, she looks just like the show, a little shorter than you imagined but...
>Twilight: “I’m sorry for taking so long, i don’t normally get visitors from the princess, i assumed it was a check up so i did a little cleaning up, I’m a little surprised the princess didn’t .....Send ....a......let......ter...........”
>The purple unicorn stares blankly at you for a few seconds looking you up and down.
“Ah, the princess said you might react like, is there some where we can sit so i can explain?”
>She shakes her head a little before replying “ummm ofcorse, spike can you go make us some tea?”
“FUCK YESS i could do with some tea right know, milk and two sugars please”
>Spike proceeds to look daggers at you before being interrupted by twilight
>Twilight: “spike! We have a royal guest we should be catering to his every need!”
>Spike “but twilight”
>Twilight “royal guest” she said through gritted teeth
“yeeeeaaahhh and speaking of catering do have any food?”
>Spike “  I’ll have a look around” spike trotted off to the kitchen in what seems like a bit of a huff
>Twilight “now if you follow me to living room we can get down to business”
“After you”
>Told you she was gullible
>Heh if I can pull this off I’ll deserve an Oscar
>Don’t get ahead of yourself now this is the hard bit, screw up and you’re in deep horse shit
>Okay just try and be calm.
>Twilight sits on the floor across from you, you where sitting on a settee with a small coffee table in-between you , it was a little small but you where able to fit.
>Twilight looks full of questions so you decide to pre-empt her
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions”
>Twilight “oooh like.. Who are you, what are you and why are you here?” she says with a consummate smile on her face
“Yeah like those, basically Celestia recruited me to deal with the changeling problem equestria has been having, you may have heard about the attack on the wedding?”
>Twilight “i was there actually”
>nice touch
“really? Celestia never mentioned that, well my people are experts on dealing with changelings so they sent me to help with the problem “
>twilight: “you’re people?”
“oh yes I’m a hairless monkey from a place called Simonium you may have heard of us?”
“i haven’t actually”
>Ha I’m one step ahead of you bitch!
“Well we are a nomadic people, quite a lot like the zebras really”
>You had a feeling after the whole zecora and ‘dont judge a book book by its cover’ bullshit she’d fall for this one
>And surprise surprise, you can see her visually click and her body language loosen up
>Twilight: “Sorry, i was just a little suspicious as the princess normally sends me letters about important matters like this”
>She lowers her head looking a little dejected
>Shitshitshit i hadn’t thought of this
“ummmmmmmm....well....it was classified information, had the changelings intercepted the letter my life would be in danger.......she did say you where her most trusted and talented student, she >probably just trusted that you’d cope”
>The mention of ‘trusted and talented’ seems to have done the trick
>Thinking about it 
>You can’t remember the princess actually showing any approval to twilight
>You hadn’t even finished your thoughts before being interrupted by an exuberant 
>Her eyes widened and so did her smile
>“did she really say that??”
>Careful now
“yeah she was literally singing your praises, saying you where the best student she’s ever ha........UGH!”
>Before you’d even finished you where buffeted by a star struck twilight hugging you tightly
>You’re mind crossed quickly to the thousands of autists who would kill to be where you where now >but you’re train of thought was, again, interrupted by
>“Thank you! Thank you so much, I’ve been waiting so long to hear anything like that from the princess!”
>“ooooooh I’m so excited!” she said clopping her hooves together like a little filly “I’m going to go tell all my friends about this!”
>Awww that was adorable....NO STICK TO THE GAME PLAN MAN! You need to ask her about staying the night... and for food....God I’m so hungry....
>Almost as if on cue spike walks in, carrying a silver looking tray with tea and sandwiches...
>Daisy sandwiches......
>fuck me I forgot about those...
>I’ll have to work on getting a hold of some meat once I’ve paid my ummm...........
>‘visit’
>To the changelings tomorrow
>Spike: “I’m not interrupting anything am I?”
>Twilight’s sudden hug and burst of emotion had left her sitting on your lap without realizing
>This elicits a deep blush from both of you as she hopes onto the seat next to you
>“oh no....nothing i just got some very good news from mister....”
>She gently slaps her forehead with a hoof
>“how rude of me i haven’t even got your name mister...”
>...........................................................
“Anonymous....Anonymous unknown”
>Smooth, but I could get used to this
“just call me anon, all my friends do”
>spike:“ahem”
>Oh yeah i forgot about spike and my precious food
>Rabbit food..... but still, foooooood
“Cheers spike” 
>you take the tray of him, you place the tray in the middle of the table and help yourself to the sandwiches and other treats, cakes and biscuits predominantly
>Tea as well, perfect, weak, milky and sweet how I like it, even the sandwiches where good, would be better with a big slab of ham but hey beggars can’t be choosers
>twilight “Wow you must have been hungry”
>Oh yeah i forgot all about puplesmart and spike
“yeah I’ve been travelling for two days and i haven’t had much to eat”
>twilight “Couldn’t you have just stopped and bought some food?”
“Don’t have any money, well no bits at least”
>You flash some five pound notes you had in your wallet for that extra believability
>twilight looks at you strangely “isn’t the Princess paying you for this?
“No actually, it’s more a favour, im shure the village elders will pay me when i get back”
>Village elders? Seriously? Okay just run with it
“so yeah until then i guess I’m just winging it”
>Twilight “That’s terrible they should be giving you more help”
>spike “heh ‘winging it’ that sounds like something dash would say”
“yeah she probably would”
>twilight “wait, you know dash?”
>Your eye twitches
>shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit common man calm down shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit JUST PUT ON YOUR COOL FACE! 
“ummm yeah kind of....cyan Pegasus, rainbow mane, crashed into me earlier while practicing tricks”
>spike “Yeah that sounds like dash alright”
>Phew
>After that little close shave the 
>Thinking about it
>There were quite a few ‘close shaves’ maybe it’ just me overacting
>Anyway I haven’t exactly given her any reason not to trust me 
>Yet.....MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
>Meanwhile the three of you continue talking for a little while
>Well, they were talking, you where merrily stuffing your face and nodding in agreement
>After a while you stealthily checked your iphone for the time, wasn’t that late about 10:30
>twilight “wow is that the time, spike you need get to bed mister!”
>Again! This is getting creepy now
>spike “come oooooon twi its Saturday tomorrow!! Why can’t i stay up?”
>Good it’s Friday, i was wondering but i couldn’t read the pony language on the calendar
>“now remember spike you have plenty of chores....you have to help me organize the library send that pile of notes to the princess”
> She points a hoof at a large and obviously neglected pile of letters
>“and you promised to help rarity with her orders remember, know you wouldn’t be my top assistant if you neglected your chores would you?
>spike “i guess not”
>......fuck it I’m gonna have a little fun here 
“as...what?.....I’ve never heard of that before..”
>twilight “really, assistant, you know like a helper someone who does chores or jobs for you”
“ooooooohhhh you mean like a slave....”
>This immediately causes twilight to spit out her drink in shock 
>While spike, on the other hand, is giggling franticly
>twilight “oh nonononononoonononono spike does his chores because he wants to, it’s his job..”
“Oh so you pay him then”
>Twilight “well no, it’s complicated..”
>spike “yeah twi why don’t i get paid!”
>Twilight begins to push spike out of the door
>twilight “heheheh he gets a bit cranky when he’s sleepy I’ll...put him to bed, I’ll be back in a bit”
>spike “i don’t wanna go to bed i wanna talk about why i don’t get pa-*THUMP*“the door is slammed shut mid sentence 
>You couldn’t help but laugh out loud
>This whole night was worth just for the look on twilight’s face just then
>You walk around the library for a few minutes while twi sorts out spike
>Nothing you didn’t expect
>Piles of notes, letters for the princes, a metric fuck ton of books oh and you cannot forget yourchobo stick with my cockatrice inside, I’ve got big plans for that cockatrice
>Evil.laugh.jpg
>Twilight walks back in the room after a few minutes,looking distressed
“Sorry if that was a touchy subject.....where i come from it was abolished many years ago i didn’t know....”
>“spike is not a sla-......*sigh* oh forget it, do you want me to get your bed ready”
>you snap out of your giggling fit long enough to reply
“Yes please if isn’t too much trouble”
>“oh it’s nothing, especially for someone doing so much for equestria”
>Oh yeah i forgot about that
“yeah about that, if is is’nt too much trouble could give me hand getting some ingredients for my ‘changeling repellent’ tomorrow?”
>“absolutely! I’ll do anything to help keep equestria safe! What do you need?”
“oh not much really....just a couple of things...just some sulphur, salt peter ,coal, wood, metal tubes and pellets ...nothing much”

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