Title:           Discord Fluffotronics
Author:          syphonbyte
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/QnfrQmbf
First Edit:      Thursday 7th of June 2012 02:27:41 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Thursday 7th of June 2012 02:27:41 AM CDT

>have a pet fluffy pony for some completely unknown reason, after all you hate the bastards and usually just punt them into a lake, cut off their legs or pull off whatever abuse you recently read about on 4chan.
>watch Star Trek:TNG with him instead because why the hell not?
>somehow his favorite character is Q
>fluffy walks around house spreading chaos and disorder
>which really just means laughing at random objects and belittling them
>ironically not much different from the actual character
>arrive home one day and find trail of blood running through the house
>not again, blood is hard to clean after it sits for a while
>follow trail to kitchen, expecting to find fluffy killed by some hilarious mechanism
>instead find fluffy cringing with his left front leg inside of your toaster
>did the fucker try to make breakfast or something stupid like that?
>run over, grab his ass and pull him out, don't want it to start a fire on accident
>only now do you see that fluffy's leg has been replaced with a chicken leg
>fluffy was trying to cauterize it in the toaster
>follow blood trail out of the kitchen to back door
>entire back porch is covered in blood
>fluffy's leg is lying there on the porch
>as well as a dead chicken
>whatthefuckisthis
>bring fluffy to the vet who is a total hottie and you've been trying to tap that for a while now, she is so impressed that you were able to perfectly attach the foreign limb that she doesn't question what the fuck actually happened
>don't dare tell her that fluffy did it to himself
>keep a close eye on fluffy for the next few days to see if he does something ridiculous again, but nothing happens
>the next day, you get home only to find a dead fluffy in the living room
>this isn't your fluffy, though; you have an earth pony. this one is a pegasus, and it's missing a wing and an eye.
>trail of blood leading into the kitchen
>run in and find that fluffy is using your soldering iron to cauterize his wounds this time
>much more precise and effective
>how did he even stitch that wing onto his back
>not to mention remove his fucking eye and put in the other one
>you're frozen in confusion and some degree of terror
>fluffy turns to you after finishing with the soldering iron
>"Oh, I fowgotted how gwim yu' can be!" he giggles
>there was a time when you'd have taken to the sorry stick in this kind of situation
>or probably just killed the fucker in some grotesque manner on the spot
>but instead you feel some sort of respect for this creature
>almost like you want to give him a hug and congratulate him for his efforts
>...NO! You are the abusefag, there's no way you could have these feels for a damn fluffy.
>go to bed early without even bothering to clean up the mess downstairs
>dreams are naught but nightmares, bizarre beyond all description
>wake up early the next morning to the sound of rain outside
>go downstairs to the kitchen still half-asleep, start some coffee, microwave some oatmeal
>blood all over the floor, clearly fluffy was at work through the night doing who-knows-what to himself
>wonder why it's raining when the forecast clearly stated there was no chance of rain at all this week
>suddenly realize that you didn't put any water in the oatmeal
>pop open the microwave, put some water in, start over again and ponder whether this mistake will make the oatmeal taste weird
>hate half-awake mornings like this
>go to get some coffee, see that water is still in the coffee pot and you didn't actually pour it into the coffee maker yet
>you fucking hate mornings like this
>pour water into coffee maker, oatmeal is ready, eat that shit and can't tell if it tastes weird or not
>get ready to chug this fucking coffee when you notice the smell of chocolate
>this is coffee, not chocolate, what the hell are you doing, nose? wake the fuck up!
>smell is coming from outside though
>look outside, FUCK it's bright out, give it a minute and look again
>brown puddles outside in the yard
>FUCKING FLUFFY PONIES SHIT IN YOUR YARD
>they even broke your favorite lawn ornament
>charge to the front door, grab your trusty anti-fluffy truncheon
>a metal baseball bat with bolts fitted through it so that they stick out on either end
>much like the traditional wooden bat with huge nails, but sturdier and easier to clean
>also get more distance from your swings
>bust out onto the front lawn ready to bust some fluffy skulls
>no fluffies in sight, raindrops fall lazily from a clear sky
>the smell of chocolate is nauseating even though you usually love it
>stick out your tongue and catch a raindrop
>it's fucking chocolate rain
>some stay dry and others feel the pain
>rush back inside
>where the fuck has fluffy gone off to?
>there's a note on the coffee table in the living room
>fluffy has left to join the Q Continuum and help the commander of NCC-1701-D to explore existence itself
>okay seriously what the fuck
>decide you'd better summon Twilight and her friends because their magical plots can fix all sorts of shit
>make up a story about an ancient enemy who will ruin Equestria if they don't fix up your yard and stop
>this
>fucking
>chocolate rain
>forecast to be falling yesterday
>Twilight et al arrive quickly, so you brief them on the situation and get the elements of harmony out of the closet
>the fucking box of elements is empty
>should've locked that closet, but there's no way fluffy could've got in there, right?
>time for Plan B: have the speakers and TVs in your house play mysterious crap that will motivate Twilight and Co. to fix shit up for you
>they come up with some kind of plan and run outside
>finally get to have your coffee, it's lukewarm now but you don't care
>watch some Star Trek:TNG for a few hours
>step outside to get some sun
>you forgot all about the
>chocolate rain
>makes the best of friends begin to fight
>there's no way Twilight's crew would actually fight with each other, though
>holy shit you are so bored
>it's trolling time
>where the hell is your fluffy pony at?
>oh, right, he got lost
>decide it would be funny to spam Twilight with all the boring crap she sent to you over the last year
>forward all of her messages back to her
>sit on your throne and giggle in anticipation of her response
>nary a minute passes before the Friendly Equine Comrade Korp arrives at your chamber door
>'tis your favorite student Twilight trotting through your chamber door
>with her friends, and nothing more
>at this moment you recall your fluffy pony's favorite ball
>and how much you wish to maul his corpse upon the floor
>Twilight speaks the horrid news; - there will be no more abuse
>as they've managed to transfuse - transfuse Discord into ore
>cased in stone, forevermore
>ponies ruined your fluffy
>give them awards and shit anyhow
>next day you buy a new fluffy and abuse it in classic form
>never think about the fluffy who came so close to his dream before he was turned to stone
>the fluffy who turned the world upside-down, inside-out and all about
>the fluffy who made you love, even for a moment
>you're the absolute ruler of Equestria, who has time for that shit anyhow