Problem Solver

Problem Solver I

 

"Anon, Anon wake up!" you say, shaking your good old buddy Anon Y. Mous.

>"What is it Pinkie? Wait how did you even get in here?" he replies, rising out of bed looking groggy.

"Well the door was open so I thought-"

>A roar cuts you off.

"Oh right, there's a big meanie outside, we need your help."

>"Ok, jus lemme get dressed kay?"

"Okie Dokie-"

>The beast roars again.

>You grab him by the arm and thrust him outside, he's only in his underwear and unbuttoned work shirt, unsteadily standing on sock covered feet.

>Feet are weird.

"There is no time for dressing, look," you point to the Manticore outside, rampaging around the street.

>"Oh, that is bad."

"Yup," you say, jumping up and down with concern in your features, "Can't you do something?"

>"I could try," he rubs his eyes halfheartedly, staggering forward.

>The human heads toward the Manticore, it notices him, and charges forward.

>The beast stops right at his face, roaring, it's gaping mouth revealing a large pair of sharp teeth.

>"Wow, hey what's your problem man? What's going on?" Anon asks softly

>It roars again, Anon's shirt ripples from the sheer force.

>"C'mere, what are you so mad?" he says soothingly.

>The Manticore steps back for a second, before leaning in again, whispering something in a rasp growl.

>Anonymous wraps his arms around the beast's furry neck, patting him and saying it's okay.

>The creature returns, resting his paw on the human's shoulder, his head pressing against Anon's chest.

>"Is 'kay. It happens man, ya need a place to stay?"

>The Manticore nods.

>Anonymous lets the beast go, taking his arm and leading him back into the house, nodding and smiling to you as he passes.

 

Problem Solver II

 

>You sat in your house, relaxing in an armchair, one leg on the armrest, body tilted to the side.

>On the couch Gary lay, reading a book, looking rather fancy with his spectacles.

"Hey, why is your name Gary?"

>"Why is your name Anonymous?" he says in his regal voice, not looking up from his book.

"I, I dunno that's just what my mom and dad named me."

>He looks at you, glasses sliding down a little, "there's your answer."

>You nodded and laid back more.

>Some quiet minutes pass.

"If you're gonna be crashing here longer we need to buy you a bed."

>"Is the current arrangement no good?"

"You rolled over on top of me last night and crushed me, I couldn't breath, like at all."

>"Oh, my apologies. I didn't realize."

"It's all good. We just need separate beds though, this ain't working here."

>His tail flicks and he returns to reading.

"Alright lets go buy one right now."

>"B-but I can't go outside, not after what I've done!"

>You stand, walk over to him and ruffle his mane.

"They'll love you! They just got to get to know you, the real you. The ready one."

>"And not the roary one?"

"Exactly," you hit him softly in the arm.

>"Well if you think it'll be alright..."

 

>The second you and Gary step outside the sky opens up, letting down a whole lot of rain.

>The odd think is it's still bright and cheery outside despite the precipitation, potential for rainbows is high.

>Gray is looking nervous, ducking his head down and hiding behind his top hat, for all the good that did.

"It'll be fine, just be cool, 'ight?"

>He nods solemnly and holds his head high, smiling at ponies walking by.

>Except they seemed to think he was trying to eat them, and ran away.

>You and him press on toward "Mattress and Hay Central".

>"Anonymous, I don't want a hay mattress," he says as you approach, seeing the sign saying 50% off on all hay products.

"We'll get ya something with feathers - Oh, hey Mayor Mare," you interrupt yourself, greeting the Mayor exiting the store.

>She turns her head to you, "Well hello Anon- AH!"

>The mare jumps back, hitting the glass door behind her.

"Mayor Mare, this is Gary."

>The Manticore lowers his head and smiles, trying his best to look harmless.

>"Well, uh , hello there," she begins backing away slowly.

"Guess I'll catch you later, we've got mattresses to buy! C'mon Gary, leggo."

 

>Gary paws at a king sized "fluffer" mattress.

>"I really like that one," he mutters absentmindedly.

"This," you say, pointing to the price tag, nearly 300 bits!

>"No, no. That mare. She seems, well, refined. Very sweet. And of course she is incredibly attractive," he blushes harshly, keeping his head down.

>What.

"Uhm, I uh don't know what to tell you?"

>"She wouldn't even go for something like me."

>You ruffle his large furry mane.

"That's not true, she just has to get to know you. Say, let me see if I can set something up."

 

Problem Solver III: Revenge of the Problem

 

>"Hello Pinkie Pie, how are things?" you hear as soon as you step inside Anonymous's house.

"Good, how are you Mantie Core?"

>"Well. Any reason you've taken to trespassing in Anon's house?"

"I just wanted to say hi," you explain, smiling to the big lion beasty reading a magazine on the couch.

>Anonymous walks in, "What's all the commotion about?" he says groggily, not spotting you at first.

>"Sheeeit, the one time I don't wear pants," he darts into the bedrooms at the back of the house.

"Wait Nonny, Twilight needs our help!"

>Gary looks up from his very important swim suit edition of Cloudsdale Illustrated.

>"Her name sounds so familiar."

>"Yeah I told you about her," Anonymous zips up his jeans as he walks in, "Science type gal."

"Yup, and she needs some test subjects for experiments."

>"You mean lab rats, guinea pigs."

>You think for a second.

"Exactly! And she wants us!"

>"Okay, why not? Gary you on board?"

>"I've got nothing better to do," he takes off his spectacles and walks over to you.

"Off to the library!"

>"Wait, wait, I need my Hawaiian shirt for this one," Anonymous retreats back into the bedroom.

"What's a High-why-an?" you ask, bouncing after your buddy.

>"It's like a hmm - well the shirts have flowers on them."

>You watch Anonymous change into a overly large, yellow button up thing with blooming blue flowers on it.

"OoooOOOoooh, pretty."

>"I try," he says jokingly.

>"We 'off to da library' noaw," he says, heading toward the door, Gary and you in tow.

 

>You, Gary and Pinkie stroll down the lanes of Ponyville toward Twilight's library.

>Yesterday's rain has dried up, and it is bright once again outside, but a few puffy white clouds float about.

>Coming toward you on the road is Mayor Mare, perfect!

"Hey, look up, remember what I told you?" you whisper, elbowing Gary.

>His head shoots up, and he sees her, his face drains of color, "I've forgotten all my lines."

"Well hello again!" you say to the mayor.

>She turns to you on the street, the eyes behind her spectacles inspecting your party.

>"Hello again indeed," she says softly.

>You hit Gary with your elbow again, grinning falsely.

>"H-hi. I have a question for you if that's alright to ask."

>"Sure, what is it?"

>He looks up at you, imploringly.

"Go ahead."

>Mayor Mare eyes you and Gary questioningly.

>"I-I wanted to know if you were busy later tonight."

>"No, I don't believe so, why do you ask?"

>He sighs and attempts to collect himself.

>"Perhaps you'd like to have dinner with me?"

>She thinks for a moment, not saying anything.

>It don't look good man, it's going to be bad.

>"That's sounds like it might be fun. I'll contact you later today and we'll work it out further. Good bye for now, Gary. Pinkie, Anonymous," she nods and hurries off.

 

"That was great," you say patting the furry back of the Manticore.

>"It didn't feel very good. That was absolutely horrible," he hangs his head.

>"Cheer up, she said yes, there's no need to be upset."

>"I suppose, but my delivery was less than stellar."

"Maybe Twilight will have something for your nerves?"

>You knock on the large wooden door, it swings open immediately.

>It's Spike, the small and not at all powerful.

"Yo," you tilt your head up.

>"Hello there little one," Gary says with an unintentional growl.

>He looks up at the large Manticore with wide eyes.

>"NOPE," the door slams shut.

"Well, there's that," you hear screams come from inside the house.

>There is some muttering, the sound of a slap, and hoof falls.

>"Sorry about that," the door opens again, revealing Twilight, "Come in please."

 

Problem Solver IV: A New Problem

 

>"Could you stand perfectly straight up, on your hind legs?" Twilight asks, reading a scroll.

>You're standing between a tiny bubbly pink mar and a large behemoth of a Manticore.

>"Okie Dokie."

>"You too Gary."

>Gary staggers a little, but gets it, his front paws dangling uselessly.

>"Anonymous, Pinkie, Gary, are you all ready for this?"

"Wait! Wait! Once more, please?" you say, your eyes shut in fear.

>Twilight sighs deeply, "All I'm going to do is reinforce their ability to stand up on hind legs based on your posture."

"This makes no sense..."

>"Ssshhh, and stand perfectly still. You may want to close your eyes."

>You hear a fizzling, a sizzling and the crack of thunder.

>"All done! Now, Pinkie, is it easier or harder to keep your balance?"

>"It's super duper easy! Wow this really works. Why do I have hands?" you say.

>Or, your voice says.

>Wait, what?

>You open your eyes and turn your head, looking down at yourself.

>Hawaiian shirt and all.

>Down?

>"This doesn't feel right, my spine hurts," Pinkie says, trying to trot around only to fall over.

>"Uh oh," Twilight whispers to herself.

"Nah, nah ya fuckin' didn't," you shake your head, feeling your mane ruffle.

>"This shirt is too big for me," Pinkie/you comments.

"NAH. YOU MUST BE FUCKING. YOU MUST BE FUCKING JOKING."

 

Problem Solver V: The Problem Strikes Back

 

>"Calm down Anonymous, look on the bright side, you're a Manticore now," Pinkie says.

>You sink down to the floor.

"I'm a big fluffy cat scorpion bat thing."

>"Anonymous, focus. I've got a dinner to attend with Mayor Mare, I can't show up as Pinkie Pie."

"That too. Twilight, how's the fix coming?"

>"It'll take a few hours to brew."

>You moan and growl at the same time, rolling your head.

>"Let's head home and think this over, alright?" Gary suggests taking the lead toward the door, "Call us if there are any updates, all right Twilight?"

>"Sure, and sorry about this."

>"It happens."

"No! This doesn't "happen" this is some major fucked up shit!"

>"Deep breathes."

"B-but Pinkie's inside me, what if she screws something up in there!?"

>"Oh don't worry, I'll keep you in top notch condition," Pinkie says, prancing after Gary.

 

>Back at the house now, you stretch out on Gary's bed, hoping to just sleep until this all goes away.

>"Oh! I know what I can do as you," Pinkie says, jumping up from the couch.

"No, whatever it is, no."

>"But Anonymous, I wanna change clothes."

"Oh, um," you think it over.

>It's hard to say no to those eyes, which are also yours, or they were.

"Sure, just be quick. And don't touch anything."

>Happily, she walks into the back, toward your bedroom.

>"I wanted to speak with you in private, if that's alright," Gary uneasily trots forward from the love seat.

"Better do it quick, I dunno how long Pinkie's going to be in there."

>"I just wanted to tell you tonight is very important for me, or er, you. I would ask you try to be on your best behavior."

"Oh, don't worry that goes without say-"

>"OOOooohhh! What are these!? They're all dangly."

>You bolt upright.

"Pinkie what are you doing?"

>"And they're squishy! Squish, squish."

>You tumble out of bed, still not comfortable with your size, and scamper into the bedroom.

>"Squish! W- Ow OW!"

"Nahooo! Please, please let them go Pinkie."

>"Sorry Nonny, I'll be more careful next time," Pinkie picks up her draws and jeans and buttons and zips them.

>With a grin she walks by you back into the living room.

 

Problem Solver IV: I didn't finish this, and I can't find the driver to do so.

 

"Okay, I'll be fine, right?"

>"You asking me!?" Gary yelps.

"Hey, hey calm down, I got this," you shake your head, mane flopping around.

>"Just remember to be yourself and she'll love ya," Pinkie adds.

"That's awful advice. I have to be Gary."

>"Go hurry, don't make her wait any longer."

>Gary nudges you toward the restaurant.

>Through the window you can see Mayor Mare, sipping water and waiting for you.

>Or rather, Gary.

>But your in his body, so it's you.

>"STOP STALLING!" Gary yelps, hopping on your back.

>You shake him off, snarl, and head for the door.