Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)

Pareidolia

By: splinter17 on Jun 12th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 7.39 KB  |  hits: 207  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1. original automated adoption center story: http://pastebin.com/LyefznLG
  2.  
  3. >it's the future
  4. >be an engineer at an automated fluffy pony adoption center
  5. >you and other engineers come to the automated adoption center once a week to do inspections on the machines, and to repair anything that needs it
  6. >it's a pretty good paying job considering how little work you and your co-workers do
  7. >gives you plenty of time for vidya, hanging out with your friends and family, watching old episodes of FiM, fapping to midget porn, etc.
  8. >today's the day you come in for routine inspection and repairs
  9. >you're on of the few humans working here; aside from other engineers, security guards, phone operators, and the manager, all the work is done by machines and robots
  10. >unloading and opening dozens of crates with hundreds of fluffy ponies in each, extracting valuable fluffy feces, shaving the fluffies, inspecting their naked bodies for health problems, spaying or neutering them, keeping them in incubators, exercising them, and keeping the fluffies comfortable until someone adopts them, not a single human does this anymore
  11. >of course, if a fluffy isn't adopted after a month, it is shipped off to the manure refinement plants, where they are force-fed all of their feces to make potent manure, which is also run by machines
  12. >anyways, the engineers at the adoption center need to take a look at the long line of machines, which have been shut off for now
  13. >one hour and thirty-five minutes later, work is finished
  14.  
  15. >only a few minor repairs, some cleaning, and general upkeep were needed
  16. >just another day
  17. >you have twenty-five minutes left, so you decide to look around the factory
  18. >you head to and enter the area where shaved, hairless fluffies are placed in in a giant room full of thousands of incubators
  19. >you look at a wall of incubators, with one fluffy in each
  20. >the fluffies, even more fragile than before without their fluff, trapped inside a cramped container, and exhausted and traumatized from the loss of their precious coats and manes, can do little more than sleep and sob until their hair grows back, in which they are taken out for the next step of the adoption process
  21. >as mentioned before, the fluffies are shaved so that they can be checked for deformities and wounds
  22. >if you didn't know any better, you'd swear all the fluffies were some breed of mutant piglets, with their pink bodies
  23. >you don't know why, but you've always liked to look at the incubators and the fluffy ponies inside them; you think maybe it's because fluffless, helpless fluffies are pretty cute
  24. >as mentioned before, most of the fluffies are either sleeping or sobbing
  25. >you check them out as you walk; very few even notice you.
  26. >some quietly moan for you to help them, not knowing that you can barely hear them through their incubators
  27. >one thing you've noticed about these fluffies, that isn't possible to see underneath their fluff, is birthmarks; a surprising and very large number of fluffies have them
  28.  
  29. >on their legs, torsos, heads, and faces, fluffy ponies can have moles, Mongolian marks, "giraffe spots", even the occasional Gorbachev-style stain
  30. >it's kind of a shame the vast majority of owners will never see the birthmarks of their fluffies, honestly. it gives the fluffies a bit of character
  31. >if only so you can have a fluffy with a wine stain on its forehead so you can name it Mikhail
  32. >in humans at least, some folklore states that birthmarks occur when a pregnant mother has an unfulfilled wish, such as a craving for a food that she can't have
  33. >considering fluffies these days rarely get spaghetti anymore(or people to adopt them to), this might explain why so many fluffies have birthmarks
  34. >another myth states that birthmarks appear when he mother is greatly stressed
  35. >considering what dams go through in the breeding centers, you wouldn't be surprised if this was true
  36. >in other cultures, birthmarks are a sign that the child is cursed
  37. >the fluffies who aren't adopted, or those who get adopted by someone in need of a living, breathing stress relief toy certainly are
  38. >some superstitious people think that birthmarks on certain areas of the body will predict how the child will be later in life; a mark on the right arm predicts financial success, a mark on the left foot indicates superior intellect
  39. >this hardly matters in the case of fluffies of course
  40.  
  41. >finally, some people say that birthmarks are literally leftovers from one's past life after reincarnation; a burn or some other injury could leave a mark on you even after death!
  42. >that reminds you, Hindus and Buddihsts never came to a consenus as to whether fluffies reincarnate like other, less artificial forms of life, or if it's possible to reincarnate as a fluffy
  43. >if someone did, they said, it's because the person has very bad karma, and for irony was a fluffy abuser themselves
  44. >anyways, checking out naked fluffies
  45. >you're looking at a sleeping, pink-skinned pegasus mare
  46. >it has no rash caused by the shaving process, that's good
  47. >not a lot of fluffy has grown back yet, so it'll be 2-5 days before it's ready for the next step
  48. >oh, this one looks like it has a birthmark on its stomach, which is surprisingly still fluffless. let's see...
  49. >its a Mongolian spot, a dark, usually grayish, splash of pigmentation. it could be mistaken for a big bruise
  50. >...huh. is that a human face?
  51. >wow, it looks like a man's face, fairly detailed in your opinion; you can make out eye sockets, a nose, long straight hair, a mouth, a beard
  52. >it actually looks familiar somehow
  53. >...did you just stumble upon a goddamned fluffy pony with Jesus of Nazareth's face on it's stomach?
  54. >okay, so it could be any random hobo, but still!
  55. >you come up with a plan, but first you need to write down the number of this incubator
  56. >before you leave, you talk to your boss, saying you want to reserve a specific fluffy for adoption, which he gives the okay for despite your odd request
  57. >you return 5 days later, after the pegasus fluffy's brown coat and mane has grown back and she's been exercised
  58.  
  59. >pick her up and take her home
  60. >"Wuv Daddy! Fwuffy wuv Daddy fo-evah!" she squeals as you carried her inside your apartment
  61. >take out electric razor, place her on her back on a table, and shave her stomach fluff
  62. >"Nu nu nuuuuuu! Why take fwuff?! No wike noise! Hewp, hewp! Eeeeeeeee!!" the Jesus fluffy protests as she futilely struggles
  63. >finish up
  64. >she's mourning for her fluff as you take pictures of her naked stomach
  65. >post them online. "Jesus? On my fluffy pony? It's more likely than you think" you type
  66. >despite what old-timey sci-fi writers and edgy teenagers on 4chan would tell you, the majority of people in the future are religious, and most religious folks are Christian
  67. >get massive feedback, including offers to buy your fluffy
  68. >hold auction, sell your fluffy for big bucks
  69. >"Nuuuuuuu! No wan' dis! Wan' Daddy! No wan' smewwy man! Pwease wuv fwuffy, fwuffy be good! NUUUUUU!" she screamed as you gave her to an sick, rich old guy who bought her for $33000
  70. >the old man thought that if he ate the Jesus fluffy's body and drank her blood, he would be cured of his prostate cancer
  71. >lol, whatever, not your problem
  72. >you did tell him no refunds after all, he was fine with that
  73. >with minimal effort and investment, you've make 33 grand
  74. >use it for cosmetic surgery
  75. >you've gotten liposuction to get reduce the size of your fat ass and had your micropenis enlarged to 8 inches
  76. >hot future chicks can't keep their hands off you
  77. >all thanks to Jesus fluffy