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# Flutterbot 2.0

By: Smudgey on Jan 11th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 15.46 KB | hits: 229 | expires: Never
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1. >Day 001101002 in Equestria
2. >It's nighttime in ponyville.
3. >You are home in complete darkness.
4. >You light a silent candle above whats left of your desk and take out a small notebook.
5. >Dipping a quill in some ink you begin writing.
6. I'm writing this journal in the hopes that whoever finds it might save themselves before they make the same mistakes I did.
7. >You pause and ready your thoughts...
8. Flutterbot still hounds me day and night.
9. She doesn't require sleep, I can even see her now, carrying out her motionless vigil outside my front door step.
10. Other ponies must think its a statue, a toy, or a present of some kind.
11. I knew better.
12. That "thing" was the devil herself.
13. Clad in shiny metal armor.
14. Waiting...waiting for a piece of this hot ass...
15. >You tiredly scratch your freshly grown beard.
16. >Crumbs had gotten caught in it.
17. I've begun to lose track of time.
18. I haven't been able to leave the safety of my home in god knows how long.
19. Reinforcing it to the equivalent of a pony fortress seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.
20. But I now have no where to run to.
21. And it's only a matter of time before I'm forced to step out outside or starve to death.
22. Death seems pretty tempting at this point.
23. I don't dare to open that front door anymore...
24. But maybe I'm not explaining this right.
25. Perhaps I should start at the beginning...
27. >Day All my friends are toys in Equestria
28. >Twilight had been kind enough to "defuse" your situation.
29. >You didn't know what she did, but Flutterbot's rapemode had been disengaged...for the time being.
30. >She said she gave her a piece of "privileged" information.
31. >...Whatever that means.
33. >You brush the sweat from your mane and stuff the photo back in its hiding place.
34. >Returning to your basement, you giggle mischievously.
35. >Anon must never know about that drunken picture you took at the last winter wrap-up party.
37. >That wasn't the end of it though.
38. >Oh god how you wish it was.
39. >You were walking on the outskirts of ponyville looking for Rainbowdash.
40. >You'd made a promise to come help her routine or something.
41. >No idea how you were gonna help, but whatever.
42. >Maybe she'd make you tell her how awesome she is for a couple hours straight.
43. >But you couldn't exactly concentrate on that right now.
44. >Because every pony you'd walk past had begun to giggle as they watched Flutterbot follow you, her joints clicking and clacking like a marionette doll.
45. >"QUERY: WhAt Is YoUr SeLeCtEd DeStInAtIoN AnOnYmOuS, OuR OpTiMiZeD GPS sHoUlD PrOvE mOsT HeLpFuL"
46. >You audibly groan.
47. MY destination is none of YOUR god damn business Fluttershy.
48. >She tilts her head to the side in an odd mechanical fashion.
49. >"SUGGESTION: BuT iF We AiD In YoUr EnDeAvOuRs We CaN ImPrOvE EfFiCiEnTcy By Up tO 63%"
50. >You stop and place a hand on her head stopping her in her tracks.
51. >Her legs are still walking even though she isn't making any progress.
52. Fluttershy, listen to me. I don't care what you can do or what you can improve.
53. I have no interest in your crazy ideas, all I want is to enjoy a quiet day in ponyville.
54. If I never saw you again, it would still be too soon.
55. >You start to notice audible cracking in her digital voice.
56. >"STATEMENT: BuT We CaN As-si-si-SiSt!"
57. >You put on your best scowl
58. >You remember perfecting it after Fluttershy thought earthquakes might be your fetish.
59. I don't want you to, in fact I don't want anything to do with you. You're psychotic episodes are too much.
60. >She begins to shake and creak as her joints squeak irritatingly.
61. You're a god damn blemish on my happy life.
62. >"REBUTTAL: BuT...We...We WeRe CrEaTeD FoR YoU!"
63. >You lean in real slowly, till your nose touches hers with a *boop*
64. >Your eyes narrow as you give her your best glare.
65. ...I never asked for that.
66. >She can never know about your fetish for sexy androids.
67. >"EXECUTE: SoRrOw SuBrOuTiNe"
68. >Oh god no.
69. >A low pitched whimpering invades your ears.
70. >She looks up at you, beginning to weep what's probably windshield wiper fluid from her eyes.
71. >You start hearing shuttered whispers.
72. >Looking around other ponies begin glaring at you like you're some kind of monster.
73. >Might as well have been kicking a puppy in the middle of the street.
74. >Oh crap you lost your temper again didn't you.
75. >You start to shirk back down trying to avoid their shunning eyes.
76. >She let's out a whimper.
77. >Her volume had been switched to a high pitch cry.
78. >"QUERY: My PrImArY FuNcTiOn Is... InVaLiD!?" she says with a *beep*.
79. >...
80. >Dear god no, not this. You can't handle these feels right now.
81. >Starting to panic you kneel down and grab her head with both hands.
82. >-"Brain what are you doing???"
83. >-"I'm sorry guys, the system can't take much more"
84. >Looking around nervously you start trying to recklessly patch things before it's too late.
85. I'm sorry Fluttershy I didn't mean that. Your function in life isn't invalid.
86. >She remains motionless.
87. >Brain what are you doing...?
88. i-i-in fact!
89. >Brain...please...
90. I think you're the coolest toy I've ever had!
91. >Brain STAHP!
92. And I'd love for you to play with me!
93. >With a small *blip* Her eyes go black.
94. >You can hear your inner child dieing as you attempt to strangle it with your bare hands.
95. >What have you done you fool!?!
96. >Your thoughts are interrupted by the whirring sound of Flutterbot starting back up again.
97. >Her eyes start showing black and white text for a DOS program.
98. >"REBOOT: CrItIcAl SyStEm FaIlUrE"
99. >Oh this is gonna be bad.
100. >"REBOOT: LoAdInG MoSt ReCeNt SaVeStAtE"
101. >You feel disturbance in the force.
102. >"REBOOT: ChEcKiNg FoR FiLe FrAgMeNtAtIoN"
103. >An audio recording is played in the air.
104. "I'd love for you to play with me!"
105. Oh fuck my jimmies
106. >"REBOOT: SyStEm ChEcK CoMpLeTe, PlEaSe CoNsUlT UsEr MaNuAl FoR AnY DiScRePaNcIeS."
107. >You start putting some distance between the two of you.
108. >"REBOOT: SyStEm BaCk OnLiNe, RuNnInG lAtEsT rOuTiNe"
109. >You turn around and start booking it into a full sprint.
110. >Her eyes *blip* back into focus.
111. >"EXECUTE: ChAsE SuBrOuTinE, BeGiN ApPrEhEnSiOn."
112. nononononono!
113. >You hear the familiar roar of rocket engines firing up.
114. >A loud megaphone echos in the distance.
115. >"STATEMENT: COME PLAY WITH ME ANONYMOUS!"
116. >whycan'tIholdallthesenopes.jpg
118. http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=LlT7myM1YpM&p=n#/6;120 (For your viewing pleasure)
120. >It begins...
122. >Choosing the outskirts of town was a bad move.
123. >You run down the dirt road near Sweet Apple Acres.
124. >Hopping over a picket fence you take a quick glance behind you.
125. >You chuckle a little as Flutterbot's jets cover innocent bystanders head to hoof in dust.
126. >Running through the orchard, you zig zag past apple trees.
127. >Deciding following is too inefficient, she flies above the trees.
128. >Her eyes flip from blue, to green, to red. Tracking your heat signature predator style.
129. >"STATUS: TaRgEt LoCkEd."
130. >Doing a nosedive, she dive bombs you from the sky.
131. >"STATUS: DiStAnCe 50...40...30...20..."
132. >You hear a satisfying *crack* as birds scatter from across the field.
133. Trees don't have heat signatures dumbass.
134. >You book it to the barn.
135. >You find Applejack leaning against the fence, chewing on a strand of wheat enjoying the view.
136. >"Ya'll having fun with yar new friend thar Anon?"
137. >She gives you her classy shit eating grin.
138. APPLEJACK DO SOMETHING YOU LAZY CUNT!
139. >She just slaps her knee and bursts out laughing.
140. >"Now Anon you know I'd never get in between a lovers quarrel."
141. We're not lovers she's just a god damn play thing!
142. >"Heheh well whatever ya say loverboy, but I reckon if ya'll don't get movin' you're gunna be doin' a lot more than just playin'"
143. >She gives you a sly grin and tilts her hat towards the fields.
144. >Flutterbot bursts out of an apple tree, twigs and a bird's nest caught in her mane.
145. >You switch your gears to max and make like a bat out of hell.
146. God damn you Applejack!
147. >Applejack holds onto her hat as wind blows past her.
148. >"COMMAND: CeAsE YoUr ReTrEaT ImMeDiAtElY!!!"
149. >Applejack chuckles as the smoke clears around her.
150. >"Aww those two critters are like pigs in a blanket"
151. >The pigs look up at her with a wtf face.
152. >"...What? Its just an expression ya buggers..."
154. >The road finally made its way back to ponyville.
155. >For a slight moment, you sigh with relief.
156. >Until you shriek in terror as you feel your ass get zapped with electricity.
157. >You look over to your right.
158. >She's flying next to you, a rope in one hoof, a cattle prod in the other.
159. >Where the fuck did she even get a cattle prod from???
160. >Not paying attention to where your going, you trip over a baby orange.
161. ohshitsticks
162. >Rolling across the ground at full tilt you feel the familiar sensation of your feet being lassoed together.
163. >"STATUS: ObJeCtIvE AqUiReD!"
164. >You try to sit up but get knocked back down by a blinding light.
165. >Her eyes glow as you're hit with a burning sensation.
166. >You look down and see your cheap thrift store shirt has completely disintegrated.
167. >Luckily your pants were made of sturdy denim, they'd been charred black but at least they were still intact.
168. >Hearing a loud mechanical crank, Flutterbot starts reeling you in.
169. >"PREPARING: FlUiD ExTrAcTiOn PrOcEsS"
170. >That did not sound as pleasant as it should be.
171. >She grins and laughs maniacally as you're dragged closer and closer.
172. >This was it, she was gonna get you.
173. >There's only one thing to do.
174. >You'd learned a single trick to impress ladies back in the day.
175. Hey Fluttershy!
176. >You reach down inside your pants.
177. >She looks at you and grins mischievously.
178. THINK FAST!
179. >With a single stroke, your underpants fly into her face as large exclamation points cross her vision.
180. >"ERROR: RoUtInE DiScRePeNcY FoUnD"
181. >Was worth every penny you paid that back alley magician.
182. >And to think, all he wanted to do was watch you "practice".
183. >As she flails around unable to decide whether she wants you or your sweat stained undergarments, you reach over and grab the cattle prod.
184. >With a mighty thrust you zap the poor beast.
185. >She moans loudly and collapses, leaking oil and spasming.
186. >Oh god please don't tell me you made her orgasm somehow.
187. >You look at the cattle prod and drop it, its been tainted.
188. >After thoroughly poking her with a nearby stick, you brush yourself off and start walking away.
189. >Gotta get home before shit hits the fan again.
191. (End Song)
193. >Feeling pretty good you walk through town with a spring in your step.
194. >Struttingleo.jpg
195. >Nothing could kill the buzz you got going on now.
196. >Life was finally looking up.
197. >A harsh wind blows by.
198. >Covering your face with your hands, you barely notice as your charred pants turn to ash and fly away.
199. >You look up at the sky with a sad face.
200. That was my last pair...
201. >It feels really chilly now.
202. >With a shiver you look down.
203. ...
204. >You forgot your underpants.
205. Alright Anon, its cool, no big deal you can handle this like a man.
207. >Ponies are busy talking in the marketplace.
208. >Another peaceful day in ponyville.
209. >Two stallions are chatting over drinks at a cafe'
210. >"-And so I told him, that's not my marefriend, that's my sister!"
211. >"hahaha oh man I wish I was there for-"
212. LLLLLEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOYYYYY nnnnJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEENKIIIIIINSSSSS
213. >Their conversation is interrupted as a tall, naked, lumbering monkey runs screaming past, holding his junk the entire way.
214. >"..."
215. >"What in the name of Celestia was THAT?"
217. >You're making a beeline straight through the heavily populated market place.
218. >Not the smartest decision but it was the quickest way home.
219. >Making a sharp left you run by Sugarcube corner.
220. >Pinkie stretches her head comically outside a window.
221. >"Hey Anon that looks fun can I pla-"
222. Notimepinkiegottagofast!
223. >You run past, a trail of marinara sauce and shame left in your wake.
224. >She's already caught up to you somehow, bouncing along beside you with a cartoonish sad face.
225. >"butbutbutyounevercomeplayorjoinmypartiesormysleepoversandithoughtwewerefriends"
226. PinkieIsweartogodI'llplaythenexttimeI'mwearingclothesbutNOWISNOTTHETIME
227. >"Doyoupinkiepromise???"
228. What?
229. >"DOYOUPINKIEPROMISE?!?!"
230. FORFUCKSAKESYESNOWLEAVEMEALONEDAMNIT!
231. >She stops in her tracks and watches your naked ass disappear around the corner.
232. >She bites her lower lip and sighs lustfully.
233. >"Aw phooey he never lets me join in his fun."
235. >Finally reaching your still mutilated home you jump through the hole in your destroyed entrance like a circus animal, duck into a roll, and bust into your basement.
236. >Grabbing all your emergency supplies you start fortifying the house immediately.
237. >Hammering, sawing, soldering sheets of iron, metal nails held in your teeth.
238. >Still naked.
239. >No time for clothes.
240. >JUST NO TIME!
241. >Nighttime falls as you hammer the last metal frame in place.
242. >...maybe you should take up carpentry.
243. >You sit down in the kitchen and pour yourself a bowl of BigMac Crunch and AppleJack Daniels.
244. >Tasted like a hard day's work.
245. >Taking a long swig, you almost drop it as a loud explosion rocks the house's foundation.
246. >Your metal door frame has a small dent in it.
247. >Rushing to your window you see Flutterbot good as new, her head attempting to bulldoze your door as flames shoot from her engines.
248. >Not this time.
249. >That door ain't budging sister.
250. >With your best old man impression you yell at her.
251. Git off mah lawn dagnabit!
252. >Her neck twists toward you in a painfully inhuman fashion.
253. >"SUGGESTION: COME OUT AND PLAY ANONYMOUS"
254. LIKE HELL I WILL!
255. >She starts banging on your door wildly.
256. >"STATEMENT: YoUr ReSiStAnCe SiMpLy MaKeS mY StAtIsTiCs MoRe AcCuRaTE!!!"
257. >You run up to the door and brace it with your back.
258. Your statistics can shove it! I'm not coming out come hell or high water!
259. >The banging stops.
260. >You look back at the door worried and confused.
261. >Suddenly, you hear a tapping on your kitchen window.
262. >"STATEMENT: YoU HaVe To CoMe OuT SoMeTiMe AnOnYmOuS.
263. >She flashes you that horrifying grin.
264. >"SUPPLEMENT: AnD I ShAlL bE WaItInG tO PlAy!"
265. ...
267. >Day 001101002 in Equestria
268. >A loud banging wakes you from your slumber
269. >You must have fallen asleep at your desk while writing.
270. >The morning sun hurts your eyes as your head lays sideways on your desk.
271. The hell is that noise coming from...?
272. >Rainbowdash starts banging on your reinforced bedroom window.
273. >You look towards her, eyes stinging from the sunlight.
274. >"Get up Anon, you promised you'd come help me remember?"
275. >You look down at yourself, clothes ripped and covered in various stains and smells.
276. >Your hair and beard were a rat's nest, completely disgusting by now.
277. >Eyes sunken in you try to quint at Rainbow but its hard to see.
278. Sorry Rainbow...its...its been so long... its too late for me now.
279. >You cough a little.
280. >She stares at you for a moment...
281. >"Too late?!? You've been in your house for THREE DAYS MAN!"
282. >You blankly stare at her...
283. >Suddenly the light doesn't hurt so much anymore.
284. >You wipe the drool off your face and stand up like you'd fallen asleep on the couch back home.
285. But...but what about Flutterbot? How did you manage to avoid her icy grasp?
286. >"What your toy? I think it ran out of batteries man, its just been sitting on your doorstep like a tacky lawn ornament dude."
287. ...what?
288. >You bust your front door down.
289. >The light wind causes Flutterbot to tip over with an awkward *creak*
290. >She hits the ground with a metal *clack* and remains motionless.
291. You've got to be fucking joking...
292. >You poke at her with a stick, she doesn't move.
293. >You cup your face in both hands.
294. I've been hiding in my house...for three whole days... cause I was afraid of a glorified LAWN ORNAMENT!?!
295. >You wind up and give her a stern kick
296. >You can visualize the very x-ray image of your toe shattering to pieces as you make contact with her solid metal frame.
297. >A moment of silence...
298. ...
299. >You take in a deep breath, and raise your fists towards the heavens.
301. ffffFFFFFUCKING FFFFFFLUTTERSHYYYYYYY!!!!!!

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>Day 001101002 in Equestria >It's nighttime in ponyville. >You are home in complete darkness. >You light a silent candle above whats left of your desk and take out a small notebook. >Dipping a quill in some ink you begin writing. I'm writing this journal in the hopes that whoever finds it might save themselves before they make the same mistakes I did. >You pause and ready your thoughts... Flutterbot still hounds me day and night. She doesn't require sleep, I can even see her now, carrying out her motionless vigil outside my front door step. Other ponies must think its a statue, a toy, or a present of some kind. I knew better. That "thing" was the devil herself. Clad in shiny metal armor. Waiting...waiting for a piece of this hot ass... >You tiredly scratch your freshly grown beard. >Crumbs had gotten caught in it. I've begun to lose track of time. I haven't been able to leave the safety of my home in god knows how long. Reinforcing it to the equivalent of a pony fortress seemed like a brilliant idea at the time. But I now have no where to run to. And it's only a matter of time before I'm forced to step out outside or starve to death. Death seems pretty tempting at this point. I don't dare to open that front door anymore... But maybe I'm not explaining this right. Perhaps I should start at the beginning... >Day All my friends are toys in Equestria >Twilight had been kind enough to "defuse" your situation. >You didn't know what she did, but Flutterbot's rapemode had been disengaged...for the time being. >She said she gave her a piece of "privileged" information. >...Whatever that means. >You brush the sweat from your mane and stuff the photo back in its hiding place. >Returning to your basement, you giggle mischievously. >Anon must never know about that drunken picture you took at the last winter wrap-up party. >That wasn't the end of it though. >Oh god how you wish it was. >You were walking on the outskirts of ponyville looking for Rainbowdash. >You'd made a promise to come help her routine or something. >No idea how you were gonna help, but whatever. >Maybe she'd make you tell her how awesome she is for a couple hours straight. >But you couldn't exactly concentrate on that right now. >Because every pony you'd walk past had begun to giggle as they watched Flutterbot follow you, her joints clicking and clacking like a marionette doll. >"QUERY: WhAt Is YoUr SeLeCtEd DeStInAtIoN AnOnYmOuS, OuR OpTiMiZeD GPS sHoUlD PrOvE mOsT HeLpFuL" >You audibly groan. MY destination is none of YOUR god damn business Fluttershy. >She tilts her head to the side in an odd mechanical fashion. >"SUGGESTION: BuT iF We AiD In YoUr EnDeAvOuRs We CaN ImPrOvE EfFiCiEnTcy By Up tO 63%" >You stop and place a hand on her head stopping her in her tracks. >Her legs are still walking even though she isn't making any progress. Fluttershy, listen to me. I don't care what you can do or what you can improve. I have no interest in your crazy ideas, all I want is to enjoy a quiet day in ponyville. If I never saw you again, it would still be too soon. >You start to notice audible cracking in her digital voice. >"STATEMENT: BuT We CaN As-si-si-SiSt!" >You put on your best scowl >You remember perfecting it after Fluttershy thought earthquakes might be your fetish. I don't want you to, in fact I don't want anything to do with you. You're psychotic episodes are too much. >She begins to shake and creak as her joints squeak irritatingly. You're a god damn blemish on my happy life. >"REBUTTAL: BuT...We...We WeRe CrEaTeD FoR YoU!" >You lean in real slowly, till your nose touches hers with a *boop* >Your eyes narrow as you give her your best glare. ...I never asked for that. >She can never know about your fetish for sexy androids. >"EXECUTE: SoRrOw SuBrOuTiNe" >Oh god no. >A low pitched whimpering invades your ears. >She looks up at you, beginning to weep what's probably windshield wiper fluid from her eyes. >You start hearing shuttered whispers. >Looking around other ponies begin glaring at you like you're some kind of monster. >Might as well have been kicking a puppy in the middle of the street. >Oh crap you lost your temper again didn't you. >You start to shirk back down trying to avoid their shunning eyes. >She let's out a whimper. >Her volume had been switched to a high pitch cry. >"QUERY: My PrImArY FuNcTiOn Is... InVaLiD!?" she says with a *beep*. >... >Dear god no, not this. You can't handle these feels right now. >Starting to panic you kneel down and grab her head with both hands. >-"Brain what are you doing???" >-"I'm sorry guys, the system can't take much more" >Looking around nervously you start trying to recklessly patch things before it's too late. I'm sorry Fluttershy I didn't mean that. Your function in life isn't invalid. >She remains motionless. >Brain what are you doing...? i-i-in fact! >Brain...please... I think you're the coolest toy I've ever had! >Brain STAHP! And I'd love for you to play with me! >With a small *blip* Her eyes go black. >You can hear your inner child dieing as you attempt to strangle it with your bare hands. >What have you done you fool!?! >Your thoughts are interrupted by the whirring sound of Flutterbot starting back up again. >Her eyes start showing black and white text for a DOS program. >"REBOOT: CrItIcAl SyStEm FaIlUrE" >Oh this is gonna be bad. >"REBOOT: LoAdInG MoSt ReCeNt SaVeStAtE" >You feel disturbance in the force. >"REBOOT: ChEcKiNg FoR FiLe FrAgMeNtAtIoN" >An audio recording is played in the air. "I'd love for you to play with me!" Oh fuck my jimmies >"REBOOT: SyStEm ChEcK CoMpLeTe, PlEaSe CoNsUlT UsEr MaNuAl FoR AnY DiScRePaNcIeS." >You start putting some distance between the two of you. >"REBOOT: SyStEm BaCk OnLiNe, RuNnInG lAtEsT rOuTiNe" >You turn around and start booking it into a full sprint. >Her eyes *blip* back into focus. >"EXECUTE: ChAsE SuBrOuTinE, BeGiN ApPrEhEnSiOn." nononononono! >You hear the familiar roar of rocket engines firing up. >A loud megaphone echos in the distance. >"STATEMENT: COME PLAY WITH ME ANONYMOUS!" >whycan'tIholdallthesenopes.jpg http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=LlT7myM1YpM&p=n#/6;120 (For your viewing pleasure) >It begins... >Choosing the outskirts of town was a bad move. >You run down the dirt road near Sweet Apple Acres. >Hopping over a picket fence you take a quick glance behind you. >You chuckle a little as Flutterbot's jets cover innocent bystanders head to hoof in dust. >Running through the orchard, you zig zag past apple trees. >Deciding following is too inefficient, she flies above the trees. >Her eyes flip from blue, to green, to red. Tracking your heat signature predator style. >"STATUS: TaRgEt LoCkEd." >Doing a nosedive, she dive bombs you from the sky. >"STATUS: DiStAnCe 50...40...30...20..." >You hear a satisfying *crack* as birds scatter from across the field. Trees don't have heat signatures dumbass. >You book it to the barn. >You find Applejack leaning against the fence, chewing on a strand of wheat enjoying the view. >"Ya'll having fun with yar new friend thar Anon?" >She gives you her classy shit eating grin. APPLEJACK DO SOMETHING YOU LAZY CUNT! >She just slaps her knee and bursts out laughing. >"Now Anon you know I'd never get in between a lovers quarrel." We're not lovers she's just a god damn play thing! >"Heheh well whatever ya say loverboy, but I reckon if ya'll don't get movin' you're gunna be doin' a lot more than just playin'" >She gives you a sly grin and tilts her hat towards the fields. >Flutterbot bursts out of an apple tree, twigs and a bird's nest caught in her mane. >You switch your gears to max and make like a bat out of hell. God damn you Applejack! >Applejack holds onto her hat as wind blows past her. >"COMMAND: CeAsE YoUr ReTrEaT ImMeDiAtElY!!!" >Applejack chuckles as the smoke clears around her. >"Aww those two critters are like pigs in a blanket" >The pigs look up at her with a wtf face. >"...What? Its just an expression ya buggers..." >The road finally made its way back to ponyville. >For a slight moment, you sigh with relief. >Until you shriek in terror as you feel your ass get zapped with electricity. >You look over to your right. >She's flying next to you, a rope in one hoof, a cattle prod in the other. >Where the fuck did she even get a cattle prod from??? >Not paying attention to where your going, you trip over a baby orange. ohshitsticks >Rolling across the ground at full tilt you feel the familiar sensation of your feet being lassoed together. >"STATUS: ObJeCtIvE AqUiReD!" >You try to sit up but get knocked back down by a blinding light. >Her eyes glow as you're hit with a burning sensation. >You look down and see your cheap thrift store shirt has completely disintegrated. >Luckily your pants were made of sturdy denim, they'd been charred black but at least they were still intact. >Hearing a loud mechanical crank, Flutterbot starts reeling you in. >"PREPARING: FlUiD ExTrAcTiOn PrOcEsS" >That did not sound as pleasant as it should be. >She grins and laughs maniacally as you're dragged closer and closer. >This was it, she was gonna get you. >There's only one thing to do. >You'd learned a single trick to impress ladies back in the day. Hey Fluttershy! >You reach down inside your pants. >She looks at you and grins mischievously. THINK FAST! >With a single stroke, your underpants fly into her face as large exclamation points cross her vision. >"ERROR: RoUtInE DiScRePeNcY FoUnD" >Was worth every penny you paid that back alley magician. >And to think, all he wanted to do was watch you "practice". >As she flails around unable to decide whether she wants you or your sweat stained undergarments, you reach over and grab the cattle prod. >With a mighty thrust you zap the poor beast. >She moans loudly and collapses, leaking oil and spasming. >Oh god please don't tell me you made her orgasm somehow. >You look at the cattle prod and drop it, its been tainted. >After thoroughly poking her with a nearby stick, you brush yourself off and start walking away. >Gotta get home before shit hits the fan again. (End Song) >Feeling pretty good you walk through town with a spring in your step. >Struttingleo.jpg >Nothing could kill the buzz you got going on now. >Life was finally looking up. >A harsh wind blows by. >Covering your face with your hands, you barely notice as your charred pants turn to ash and fly away. >You look up at the sky with a sad face. That was my last pair... >It feels really chilly now. >With a shiver you look down. ... >You forgot your underpants. Alright Anon, its cool, no big deal you can handle this like a man. >Ponies are busy talking in the marketplace. >Another peaceful day in ponyville. >Two stallions are chatting over drinks at a cafe' >"-And so I told him, that's not my marefriend, that's my sister!" >"hahaha oh man I wish I was there for-" LLLLLEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOYYYYY nnnnJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEENKIIIIIINSSSSS >Their conversation is interrupted as a tall, naked, lumbering monkey runs screaming past, holding his junk the entire way. >"..." >"What in the name of Celestia was THAT?" >You're making a beeline straight through the heavily populated market place. >Not the smartest decision but it was the quickest way home. >Making a sharp left you run by Sugarcube corner. >Pinkie stretches her head comically outside a window. >"Hey Anon that looks fun can I pla-" Notimepinkiegottagofast! >You run past, a trail of marinara sauce and shame left in your wake. >She's already caught up to you somehow, bouncing along beside you with a cartoonish sad face. >"butbutbutyounevercomeplayorjoinmypartiesormysleepoversandithoughtwewerefriends" PinkieIsweartogodI'llplaythenexttimeI'mwearingclothesbutNOWISNOTTHETIME >"Doyoupinkiepromise???" What? >"DOYOUPINKIEPROMISE?!?!" FORFUCKSAKESYESNOWLEAVEMEALONEDAMNIT! >She stops in her tracks and watches your naked ass disappear around the corner. >She bites her lower lip and sighs lustfully. >"Aw phooey he never lets me join in his fun." >Finally reaching your still mutilated home you jump through the hole in your destroyed entrance like a circus animal, duck into a roll, and bust into your basement. >Grabbing all your emergency supplies you start fortifying the house immediately. >Hammering, sawing, soldering sheets of iron, metal nails held in your teeth. >Still naked. >No time for clothes. >JUST NO TIME! >Nighttime falls as you hammer the last metal frame in place. >...maybe you should take up carpentry. >You sit down in the kitchen and pour yourself a bowl of BigMac Crunch and AppleJack Daniels. >Tasted like a hard day's work. >Taking a long swig, you almost drop it as a loud explosion rocks the house's foundation. >Your metal door frame has a small dent in it. >Rushing to your window you see Flutterbot good as new, her head attempting to bulldoze your door as flames shoot from her engines. >Not this time. >That door ain't budging sister. >With your best old man impression you yell at her. Git off mah lawn dagnabit! >Her neck twists toward you in a painfully inhuman fashion. >"SUGGESTION: COME OUT AND PLAY ANONYMOUS" LIKE HELL I WILL! >She starts banging on your door wildly. >"STATEMENT: YoUr ReSiStAnCe SiMpLy MaKeS mY StAtIsTiCs MoRe AcCuRaTE!!!" >You run up to the door and brace it with your back. Your statistics can shove it! I'm not coming out come hell or high water! >The banging stops. >You look back at the door worried and confused. >Suddenly, you hear a tapping on your kitchen window. >"STATEMENT: YoU HaVe To CoMe OuT SoMeTiMe AnOnYmOuS. >She flashes you that horrifying grin. >"SUPPLEMENT: AnD I ShAlL bE WaItInG tO PlAy!" ... >Day 001101002 in Equestria >A loud banging wakes you from your slumber >You must have fallen asleep at your desk while writing. >The morning sun hurts your eyes as your head lays sideways on your desk. The hell is that noise coming from...? >Rainbowdash starts banging on your reinforced bedroom window. >You look towards her, eyes stinging from the sunlight. >"Get up Anon, you promised you'd come help me remember?" >You look down at yourself, clothes ripped and covered in various stains and smells. >Your hair and beard were a rat's nest, completely disgusting by now. >Eyes sunken in you try to quint at Rainbow but its hard to see. Sorry Rainbow...its...its been so long... its too late for me now. >You cough a little. >She stares at you for a moment... >"Too late?!? You've been in your house for THREE DAYS MAN!" >You blankly stare at her... >Suddenly the light doesn't hurt so much anymore. >You wipe the drool off your face and stand up like you'd fallen asleep on the couch back home. But...but what about Flutterbot? How did you manage to avoid her icy grasp? >"What your toy? I think it ran out of batteries man, its just been sitting on your doorstep like a tacky lawn ornament dude." ...what? >You bust your front door down. >The light wind causes Flutterbot to tip over with an awkward *creak* >She hits the ground with a metal *clack* and remains motionless. You've got to be fucking joking... >You poke at her with a stick, she doesn't move. >You cup your face in both hands. I've been hiding in my house...for three whole days... cause I was afraid of a glorified LAWN ORNAMENT!?! >You wind up and give her a stern kick >You can visualize the very x-ray image of your toe shattering to pieces as you make contact with her solid metal frame. >A moment of silence... ... >You take in a deep breath, and raise your fists towards the heavens. ffffFFFFFUCKING FFFFFFLUTTERSHYYYYYYY!!!!!!