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# Impossibly Lucky Anon-All Out Warfare

By: Smudgey on Feb 22nd, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 66.19 KB | hits: 322 | expires: Never
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1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1IbaknqWO0
3. >Day ??? in Equestria
4. >You are Pinkie Pie.
5. >Part-time baker, professional rapist.
6. >You currently have the rest of your girlfriends sitting at a round table in a sparsely lit room at your undisclosed super secret ultra-headquarters.
7. >No p0ny would ever guess its your bedroom, only a genius could comprehend such brilliant tactics.
8. >You eye every girl in the room, their images being reflected ominously by the lit candle on the table as they quietly make small talk to each other.
9. >The slowly burning candle that was illuminating the room was the only light source thanks to the black bed sheets you had hanging up, completely blocking the intense sunlight trying to cut its way through your windows.
10. >Grinning slyly, you make a finger snapping noise to grab their attention.
11. >Surprised, they all look at you and wonder how that was even possible without fingers.
12. Girls, I've brought you all here for a reason.
13. >Everyp0ny looks at you a bit confused.
14. We're going...to play a "game".
15. >Smirking, you throw a picture onto the table.
16. >They all look down at it, a comical image of Anon as he's about to take a huge bite out of a humongous submarine sandwich is shown.
17. Tomorrow is the day...where we finally get to rut Nonny.
18. >All the girls look up at you like you're insane.
19. >Which would be completely indubitably 100% correctarooni...but they didn't need to know that.
20. >Of course Rainbow Dash was the first to speak.
21. >"Well...that sounds really cool and all Pinkie, but in case you haven't noticed our track record hasn't been especially spectacular remember."
22. >Rarity motions her hoof towards Rainbow.
23. >"Indeed, why at this point I don't think Anon is even attracted to p0nies, if he won't even date an elegant and sensual mare such as myself then how will anyp0ny else stand a chance?"
24. >As the others nod in agreement, you watch as Twilight scoffs quite loudly at her statement.
25. >"Not everything is about looks and fashion sense Rarity, sometimes stallions can look past that and see you for who you REALLY are."
26. >Taken aback, she takes her attention away from Rainbow and moves to Twilight who was sitting right next to her, giving her a sort of smug arrogant look as her eyebrow twitched in annoyance.
27. >"Oh yeah? Then how come you aren't nestled snugly in Anon's arms as we speak?"
28. >Twilight's face scrunches up as she blushes a bright magenta.
29. >"That's...that's just...that's just because I haven't given him the chance yet!"
30. >It was Rarity's turn to scoff in Twilight's face.
31. >"Really darling? Do you think anyp0ny would actually believe that? I'm willing to bet you tried asking him out on a date and he didn't even notice!"
32. >Twilight starts to fume.
33. >"That's...that's not completely 100% true...he noticed."
34. >She starts to pout and quietly mutters under her breath as her lip trembles sadly.
35. >"He just thought I was kidding..."
36. >An awkward silence begins to fill the room before Fluttershy manages to cut it.
37. >"H-have you girls ever thought of just...r-r-raping him?"
38. >The silence comes back in full force, even worse than before.
39. >Twilight and Rarity stare at her with flushed embarrassed looks on their faces, while Rainbow just looks plain confused.
40. >Applejack is the only p0ny that looks completely appalled at what she just heard come out of the yellow mare's mouth, staring at her wide eyed with her jaw dropped.
41. >Rainbow Dash starts tapping a hoof to her chin and begins thinking out loud.
42. >"Now that I think about it, every time its crossed my mind something crazy happens that makes me forget all about it."
43. >Fluttershy excitedly stands up from her chair, leans across the table, and points a hoof at Rainbow Dash in a wild fashion.
44. >"I know right! Whenever I start to lose my patience and decide to just ~stick~ it to him, something weird happens and I end up changing my mind!"
45. >Her eyes began glinting with something special, she clearly liked where the conversation was going.
46. >Twilight tries to play off her blushing face as no big deal as she adds her own two bits.
47. >"Well one time I decided to educate him in p0ny mating rituals, I lit some candle light and played soft music and invited him down to my basement, but when we got there I couldn't find the book I had prepared for him!"
48. >She looks down and rests her head, face down in her arms on the table as she mumbled out her next words in a depressed manner.
49. "...So he got bored and left."
50. >As she lets out a depressed sigh, Rarity pats her on the shoulder apologetically.
51. >"Perhaps you should act more ladylike once in a blue moon Twilight dear. Why I've never tried to actually "rape" Anon, I've only courted him in a dignified manner like a true noblemare!"
52. >She sticks her chest out proudly and nods with a firm refined tone.
53. >"I even managed to FIIIINALLY convince him to go on a date at the most regal restaurant in Canterlot!"
54. >Her smile soon turns into a depressed frown to join along with Twilight's own sad face.
55. >"But when we got there, all my reservations had been canceled! The nerve of them!"
56. >She shook her hoof in the air angrily.
57. >"By the time the night was over, we had ended up eating at some ~filthy~ family diner instead...".
58. >She puts her face in her hooves and sobs dramatically.
59. >"It was HORRIBLE!"
60. >Suddenly Rainbow Dash starts laughing out loud.
61. >"AHHHHHHHHAHAHA you guys are such wimps! I totally had Anon eating out my hoof one time."
62. >As she takes a bite out of an apple, the two of them stop feeling sorry for themselves and look up at her, their cheeks puffed up in frustration.
63. >She just leaned back in her chair, placing her hind legs on the table and resting an arm behind her head, taking another bite of her apple as she grins and continues her story.
64. >"Yeah, I took him out to get smashed at the bar together one night, by the end of it he was begging me to stay at his place."
65. >She leans across the counter and whispers behind the back of her hoof.
66. >"I was totally gonna get the D!"
67. >Snickering at her own joke, she sits back in her chair normally.
68. >"But by the time we got to his house, I was so wasted I ended up passing out on his floor..."
69. >Finishing off her apple, she raises her arms and shrugs.
70. >"Oh well, what can you do?"
71. >The unicorns look at each other, then stare back at her.
72. >With a completely deadpan stare, Twilight speaks up.
73. >"So what you're saying is, you didn't even come close to actually rutting Anon."
74. >Shocked by Twilight's statement, Rainbow leans across the table and takes it as a challenge.
75. >She starts heaving and puffing furiously as she points a hoof at Twilight.
76. >"Nuh uh! I was TOTALLY gonna score! You didn't even manage to keep him alone for more than five minutes!"
77. >Twilight doesn't even look fazed by Rainbow's accusations.
78. >"Heh...At least I was able to stay conscious the entire time."
79. >She puts on a smug face and starts openly mocking Rainbow, which only infuriates her more.
80. >As sparks begin to form between them, Rarity pushes both of them away to get her say in.
81. >"Girls I think we can all agree that I was the one closest to wooing Anon, why if they had let us have our romantic dinner together... I dare say I wouldn't even have the time of day to pry myself away from his bedroom to humor your childish antics right now."
82. >They both slowly turn and look at her, completely silent as they watched her spout bullshit.
83. >And that's when they started arguing in full force, loudly screaming and yelling at each other over who's plan was better.
84. >In the middle of the fighting Fluttershy tries to tell her own story.
85. >"Oh...um...I managed to get a pair of his...uh... underwear...one time...*eep!*"
86. >She ducks down as a mug flies over her head and crashes into the wall, nop0ny even heard her.
87. >Applejack hadn't said a single word this whole time.
88. >She had just been sitting there watching as everyp0ny began to bicker about which one was closest to actually rutting Anon.
89. >But it seemed like her patience was wearing thin.
90. >Finally, she decided to break the commotion and get their attention.
91. >She crossed her hooves on the table and tried to speak in a respectful manner.
92. >"Um...gals?"
93. >They continue to ignore her, even starting to flail wildly as they try to get their points across to each other.
94. >"Gals...?
95. >You giggled as you watched her patience run dry, it was like watching a bunch of school fillies fighting back in the day.
96. >Snorting a little puff of steam in anger, she raises a hoof and sternly pounds it against the table, almost knocking over the candle.
97. >"GALS!"
98. >Surprised, they all stop talking at the exact same time.
99. >Settling back down into their seats, Applejack looks between everyp0ny and sighs.
100. >"Don't ya'll think you're takin' dis whole "rape" thing a tad bit to seriously?"
101. >They all stare at her in silence, like they couldn't believe the crap that just came out of her mouth.
102. >Dead silence filled the room once more.
103. >With no supporters, Applejack simply glared back at them and let out a loud groan.
104. >"...ugg FINE!"
105. >After raising her arms in the air in defeat, she slumps onto the table, propping her grumpy face up with one elbow and a hoof under her cheek.
106. >"Forget ah even asked..."
107. >With her free hoof she pulls her stetson over her face and hides from their accusing stares.
108. >Taking attention away from Applejack, Fluttershy pipes up sadly.
109. >"It doesn't even matter anyway, no one can beat Anon...he just wins without even trying."
110. >Everyp0ny nods and lets out a loud audible sigh in unison.
111. >Everyp0ny except you that is.
112. That's because we have always tried to beat him on our own.
113. >They all look at you confusedly through the corners of their eyes.
114. Girls... if we combine our efforts and work as a team, our plan will succeed.
115. >They all glance at each other unsure.
116. >The skepticism pours out from the entire group so thick you can taste it in the air.
117. >Rarity decides to be the one to ask the question that's on everyp0ny's minds.
118. >"That's a nice sentiment dear, but how ever will we manage to ensnare him when we can't ever seem to win?"
119. >You narrow your eyes and grin from cheek to cheek.
120. We'll do it together...
121. >You start smoothly grinding your hoofs together like a mischievous cartoon villain.
122. Because I know the secret... to defeating Anon.
124. (End Song)
126. >Day 777 in Equestria.
127. >You are Anon.
128. >Luckiest human in all the land.
129. >Well you were the only human, but god damn it that didn't make it any less true!
130. >You look at your window, the grey light pouring through showed the sun hadn't even risen yet.
131. >You were starting to wake up to early for your own good...
132. >Hopping out of bed, you go to the washroom to begin your routine.
133. >Shit, shower, shave.
134. >As you're about to head out the bathroom door, you notice the set of clean clothes you forgot on the counter there the other day.
135. >Saving you the return trip to your bedroom, you head down to the kitchen once again in record time.
136. >Opening up the cupboard, you pour yourself a bowl of Twilight Sparkles.
137. >Because they're fucking magically delicious that's why.
138. >Placing the box down beside you, you sit down at your coffee table like the lazy schmuck you are, and with a yawn begin eating.
139. I hope to god today isn't boring, even with a full schedule planned I just know it's gonna be a dull day...I can just feel it.
140. >Grumbling over nothing, you take another spoonful of cereal to your mouth and lazily look down.
141. >Where you see something that shouldn't be there.
142. >A bright albino mouse is drinking the milk from your bowl.
143. Hey! Stop that!
144. >You pull the bowl away from it in annoyance.
145. >Your immediate thought is to swat it away, but when you take a closer look you notice it isn't like a normal mouse at all.
146. >It has pretty white fur and glossy crimson red eyes, but the weird thing was how cartoonishly animated it looked.
147. >It's eyes and tiny whiskers seemed to invoke more emotions than you could ever possibly comprehend.
148. >Surprised at having the food taken away, it looks up at you sadly, whimpering with it's bright red eyes while its tummy grumbles painfully.
149. >Staring down at it, you awkwardly rub a hand behind your neck.
150. ...Ahh geez really? Why does everything have to give me the freaking puppy eyes in this damn world?
151. >It starts sniffling and hiccuping with an itty-bitty squeaky tone of voice.
152. Damn it...ALRIGHT ALREADY!
153. >Throwing your hands up in defeat, you dig your hand in the cereal box and you poke out a few pebbles for the snow white mouse to munch on.
154. >Little animated hearts appear above it's head as it starts nibbling on them.
155. Honestly, a guy can't even eat breakfast in peace anymore.
156. >You settle down and continue eating breakfast along with your new "company".
157. >It felt nice to spend time with someone that didn't constantly judge you or talk nonstop.
158. >Finally finishing your bowl, you hold a hand up to your mouth and close your eyes to let out a loud yawn.
159. ahhhhhh-what the?
160. >Half way through, you feel an odd sensation rubbing along the side of your free hand.
161. >Looking down, you see the little mouse endearingly rubbing it's cheek against you as little hearts bubble above its head.
162. >Chuckling a bit, you start petting it with your other hand.
163. Affectionate little bugger aren't ya?
164. >Opening it's eyes, it grabs onto your sleeve and rushes up your arm.
165. Whoa wait WHAT!?
166. >Not sure what to do, you panic a little and stumble back onto your couch.
167. >Flat on your back, you watch as it runs along your chest and snugly nestles itself inside your breast pocket.
168. >Peaking inside, you see it had already curled up and fallen asleep, cartoon style "zZzZz"s sneaking out of it's head.
169. >She really was taking a liking to you after all wasn't she?
170. >...At least you hoped it was a "she".
171. >Smiling a bit, you look down at her and whisper.
172. I think I'm gonna call you Clover!
173. >You watch as a little heart sneaks it way in between the "Z"s.
174. >Snickering at your own genius, you close the pocket and give it a light pat.
175. >Pointing a finger upwards, you shout out loud.
176. Clover has joined your party!
177. >You had no idea who you were talking to...
178. >Sitting up proudly, strands of bangs from your hair fall into your eyes.
179. >Seems your hair was a mess again.
180. >Damn it, must've been when you fell onto the couch.
181. >Being ever lazy, you lean across the couch to the nightstand and pick up the only hand mirror you owned.
182. >Rarity gave it to you as a present one time, so naturally is was bright white and covered in gaudy multicolored rhinestones.
183. >Looking at it and letting out a depressed sigh, you gotta wonder sometimes if your friends know that you are in fact actually a guy...
184. >As you're about to clear up the mess that is your face, you hear a soft knock at the door.
185. >Sighing lethargically you stand up and walk over to answer it.
186. Swear to god it better not be Pinkie again...
187. >The thought of Pinkie so early in the morning makes you shudder.
188. >Taking a deep breath, you cautiously open the door and peak through.
189. >Surprisingly it isn't Pinkie for once.
190. >The mirror still in one hand, you open the door all the way with the other and greet BananaHush with open arms.
191. Fluttershy! What a delightful surprise! It's rare to see you visit so early! How are you this fine morning!?
192. >She blushes and mumbles something.
193. >Your joyous smile starts fading fast.
194. Flutters...what have I told you about speaking clearly.
195. >She shrinks away and hides behind her mane, mumbling something else.
196. >Grabbing the bridge between your eyes in annoyance, you cross your arms and lean down to hear her better.
197. Alright, what is it Fluttershy?
198. >She looks at you through the corner of her eye.
199. >"Oh...um...oh dear."
200. >This was really wearing out your patience.
201. Make it quick Flutters, I've got a busy schedule today.
202. >She stammers as she tries to finally speak clearly.
203. >"W-w-well you see, Pinkie and the r-rest of the girls wanted to play a game today!"
204. >Your eyes start growing wide with worry at the mere mention of Pinkie.
205. >"And I-I-I was just wondering..."
206. >You start slowly backing away while she's not looking.
207. ...Yes?
208. >Her voice goes down to barely a whisper.
209. >"...Is rape your fetish Anon?"
210. >Before you can react, she pulls out a perfume bottle and points it towards you.
211. >But right as she reaches towards you to use it, the bright morning sun peaks over the horizon.
212. >Just as she presses down to spray you, concentrated burning rays of sunlight reflect off the god awful mirror held in your hands and singe her right in her precious retinas.
213. >"aahhhgg!"
214. >As she recoils back in pain, she moves her hooves up to protect her face, accidentally causing her to spray herself instead.
215. >As the green puff of smoke dissipates, you watch as her eyes become unfocused.
216. >"Oh...oh dear..."
217. >Stumbling for a few moments, she faceplants on your doorstep, snoring loudly.
218. >You look down at her and sigh exhaustively.
219. Great...today's going to be one of THOSE days isn't it...
220. >Slouching over like a depressed ape, you take a step back inside.
221. >After quickly cleaning up your face, you toss the girly looking mirror back on your couch.
222. >As you step outside, you lock your door and put the key snugly in your pant's pocket as you head out to start the day.
223. >As you start briskly walking down the dirt road, somewhere in the back of your mind, you can hear the sweet allure of a woman's heart warming sensual voice.
224. [spoiler]~ONE~[/spoiler]
226. >It was the start of your day, first stop...Rarity's place.
227. >She said she had made a special present just for you and that she needed you to come pick it up around noon.
228. >You look up across the open field and see the sun is barely cracked over the horizon.
229. >Hmmm it WAS a bit early, but you had a schedule to keep.
230. I'm sure she'll understand.
231. >Doesn't mean you can't take your time getting there though.
232. >Walking towards town, you take the chance to look around at the scenery.
233. >Calmly sticking your hands in your pockets, you look over to your right and admire the passing foliage.
234. >The weather p0nies had finally decided to bring autumn to the town.
235. >The trees had faded to gorgeous shades of orange, yellows, and reds.
236. >It really was a beautiful morning today.
237. >A cool crisp wind gently blew past you, ruffling your clothes as you made your way down the path.
238. >Shivering a little, you cross your arms against your chest causing Clover to stir from her slumber.
239. >With a mild smirk, you pull her out of your pocket and continue walking with her sitting in the palm of your hand.
240. You really are a tiny little thing aren't you?
241. >You poke her with your index finger.
242. Where in the hell did you come from anyway?
243. >She looks up at you and tilts her head in confusion.
244. Not much of a talker eh? I get that.
245. >Deciding to end your pointless inquisition, you opt for petting her instead.
246. It's nice to have someone listen to my gripes for once.
247. >You hadn't taken the opportunity to bask in the glory of nature lately.
248. >Casually admiring the changing colors, you don't even notice the slight tinge of pink shifting behind the tree as you walk past.
249. >Basking in the beauty of nature, you suddenly feel yourself lurch forward unexpectedly.
250. >Holding on to your furry friend for dear life, you flail your arms wildly, just barely managing to prevent yourself from falling over as your feet are bolted in place.
251. What the hell???
252. >You take a moment to make sure Clover is ok.
253. >Her eyes are jumbled up and rolling back and forth but otherwise she's no worse for wear.
254. >Looking down at your feet, you notice you've stepped into a thin pile of inauspicious leaves that barely reaches your ankles.
255. >As you try and lift your feet up, you see an odd taffy looking substance clinging to it, cleverly hidden beneath the leaves.
256. >Putting all your strength into your calves, you struggle to pull yourself out as the goop stretches out painfully before sucking you back down.
257. Is this...is this FUCKING GLUE!?!?
258. >And that's when you hear it, that bone chilling laughter.
259. >A large pile of leaves sitting next to the tree you had just been ogling earlier starts shaking wildly before it explodes.
260. >And out from it comes your arch nemesis...Pinkie Pie.
261. >"hahaha! I finally got you Nonny!"
262. >She starts hopping towards you like Pepé Le Pew, her eyes closed as she sports a gigantic shit eating grin.
263. >"I just knew today would be the day, this morning I woke up and grabbed Gummy and told him "Today-I'm-gonna-catch-Nonny!" and here your are!"
264. >She bounces increasingly closer.
265. >"All alone..."
266. >She lands right in the goop along with you, a mere inch away from your face.
267. >"With no p0ny around to interrupt us~<3"
268. >You look at her with a deadpan stare.
269. Pinkie...what the hell is this?
270. >You try tugging on your legs once more, but they refuse to budge.
271. >"Silly Nonny, me and the girls are playing a game!"
272. ...What kind of game Pinkie.
273. >"Oh a very FUN game Nonny, a game where you're first prize!"
274. >She tries to hop up and down excitedly, but the glue holds her firmly in place.
275. >"And it looks like I'm about to win! Yay!"
276. >She closes her eyes and leans in close to plant a kiss on your lips.
277. >But you block it with the finger tips on your free hand.
278. >Feeling cocky, you decide to play dumb as you look at her sadly.
279. But Pinkie...now you're stuck...
280. >As her lips meet your fingers, she opens her eyes in surprise.
281. >But her expression soon changes to sultry bedroom eyes as she giggles and gives your fingers a lick.
282. >"Oh that's ok you silly-billy, I don't mind being stuck here as long as I'm with a handsome stallion like you."
283. >She starts leaning in for another kiss.
284. But Pinkie...
285. >You grin like the Cheshire Cat himself.
286. I'm a human!
287. >Slipping out of your shoes, you hop out of the pile of sticky gooey goop and land safely on the soft dirt road, sticking the landing like a gymnast at the Olympics.
288. >As she kisses air, her eyes shoot open as she looks around in confusion.
289. >She spots you already making your way down the road, you and Clover waving goodbye in unison.
290. >Seeing you idly waving as you slowly walk away, she tries to follow, only to have her own hooves hold her back.
291. >Looking down as the gooey mess stretches and distorts, yet still firmly holds her in place, she starts to panic.
292. >"wait...wait Nonny! NONNY WAIT FOR M-WHOA!"
293. >As she puts all her strength into breaking free, she only managed to fall over and get the rest of her body stuck to the ground.
294. >She looks like a pink fly caught on sticky tape.
295. >Whistling a little tune, you hear her screech and shout in the distance as you continue down the hill.
296. >"I'LL GET YOU SOONER OR LATER NONNY! MARK MY WORDS! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER!"
297. >You chuckle to yourself as you head into town.
298. Silly Pinkie...I don't need to run from you.
299. [spoiler]~TWO~[/spoiler]
301. >It sucked how Rarity's boutique was on the complete opposite side of town.
302. >As you cut through the marketplace, you realize you'll be stopping back here to pick up some things.
303. >You probably should've planned out your schedule more efficiently...
304. >Walking past the generic blur of shops and stands you hear a p0ny call out your name.
305. >"Anon! Howdy thar partner!"
306. >The familiar southern flavor of Applejack's voice causes you to crane your head in the other direction.
307. >You see the bright orange p0ny waving happily from across the road.
308. >You always did like Applejack, she was the only mare you could trust in this freaky town.
309. >Her level headed honesty was an oasis in the desert of rape.
310. >You start reminiscing over all the times she has saved your ass in the past.
311. >You knew if things went to push and shove, AJ had your back.
312. >Whenever Pinkie went completely fucking loco, AJ would give you a place to stay for the evening.
313. >You quickly learned how comfy her couch can be.
314. >Many a night where spent on that couch, but you didn't mind, that's just show how much faith you had in her.
315. >She'd never do anything messed up to her friends.
316. >Seeing a friendly face that wasn't trying to get in your pants really raised your spirits.
317. >Smiling energetically, you make a detour to say hi to your old pal.
318. AJ! How are you!?
319. >You reach over and give her a strong hug.
320. I'm so glad to see you! You haven't been around all week.
321. >She blushes as you release her from your grasp.
322. >"Shucks Anon, ya know Ah'm busy with tha farm and all."
323. >She adjusts her stetson and smiles at your proudly.
324. >You really loved that smile, it was so refreshing and wholesome.
325. >"But it sure is rare ta see ya so early in tha mornin' sugarcube. Care for ah bite to eat before yah start ya'r day?"
326. >You hadn't felt like it earlier, but the sudden smell of her apple stand reminded you that you could definitely go for a snack.
327. >But you had things you needed to do today, you couldn't stick around long.
328. Sorry AJ, I'd love to stay a while, but there's a lot I gotta-
329. >Your stomach interrupts by grumbling painfully loud.
330. >You blush as an awkward silence forms between you.
331. >...Hoofing it across town can really build an appetite.
332. I guess I could...stay for a little bit.
333. >Rubbing the back of your head in embarrassment, she looks up at you and laughs.
334. >"Aw don't be like that Anon, ya know I'd always wanna help yah out."
335. >She looks at you and smiles widely.
336. >"In fact, ah made this here pie just for you!"
337. >She reaches into a secret compartment under the stand and pulls out a steaming hot, oven fresh pie.
338. For me? Really?
339. >You lean in close and give her a mischievous smile, raising your eyebrows suggestively.
340. Is it a special pie or something?
341. >To your surprise, she actually starts to sweat a bit as she smiles nervously, her eyes shifting back and forth as she looks around.
342. >"N-nope! Nothing special at all! Can't a gal give her best friend a free pie once in a while?"
343. >...Can't argue with that logic.
344. >You pick up the pie in your hands and open your mouth wide to take a delicious bite.
345. >Applejack starts biting her lower lip in anticipation, not taking her eyes off you for a second.
346. >Right as your about to sink your teeth in, a large brown stallion knocks into your back.
347. >The sudden jolt causes the pie to slip from your grasp and splat straight on the ground.
348. >Eyes wide open in annoyance, you turn around and yell at him.
349. Hey watch where you're going you fucking asshole!
350. >You shake your fist in anger as the stallion ignores you and continues walking.
351. >Lowering your hand down sadly, you turn to AJ to apologize.
352. Ah geez I'm sorry AJ, I didn't mean to ruin your deliciou-
353. >As you look down at the destroyed pie on the ground beneath you, you notice something that makes your expression go sour.
354. >Slowly looking back at AJ, you start staring at her eye to eye, a stern look on your face as you begin to question her.
355. Applejack...what are those?
356. >You point at the white and blue pills that were covered in apple flavored goo now littered all over the ground.
357. >Her ears fold back as she let's out a nervous chuckle.
358. >"eh heh heh..."
359. ...I'm waiting AJ.
360. >Crossing your arms, you stare at her in silence, waiting for her answer without ever blinking.
361. >"...Breath...mints?"
362. >It takes less than a second for you to lunge over and grab her by the throat.
363. >"Sugar wait I can explai-ACK!"
364. Actions speak louder than words AJ...
365. >Scooping up the remnants of pie, you stuff a whole handful into her mouth and force her to swallow.
366. >As you gently let her down, her head begins to sway back and forth as she tries to maintain her balance.
367. >Stumbling over, she places a hoof down on her apple stand to try and stay upright as her knees begin to buckle.
368. >"Sorry sugarcube...I don't...I don't feel so swell no more..."
369. >And with that, she limply falls over onto her side.
370. >Looking over at her, you're surprised to see she was still awake, but you could tell she was paralyzed.
371. >Wiping off the bits of pie from your hand, you sigh sadly and walk over to her.
372. >Placing your hands on your legs, you squat down beside her.
373. >You sit there and look at her in silence for a long time.
374. ...How could you AJ... I thought we were best friends?
375. >She doesn't seem to be able to talk anymore, all she can manage is to look up at you.
376. To think you would join in Pinkie's dumb game...
377. >You place a hand on her cheek.
378. I'm not even mad AJ...I'm worse than mad...I'm disappointed.
379. >You start petting her soft yellow mane.
380. I thought of all p0nies, you would never stoop so low.
381. >Looking up at you, you could see her eyes getting glossy.
382. ...I trusted you AJ...I really did.
383. >She can't even answer you, so all she does is look away from you sadly.
384. >Sighing dejectedly, you stand up and reach for some apple fritters from her stand.
385. >Taking a bite into the tasty treats, you lethargically trudge your way to Rarity's.
386. [spoiler]...THREE...[/spoiler]
388. >That encounter with Applejack had really killed your groove.
389. >You let out one of many sighs as you hold Clover in your hand and feed her bits of pilfered apple baked goodness.
390. I just don't know what to think anymore, Element of Honesty my ass.
391. >As you stuff the last piece into your mouth, you choke it down and start petting her absentmindedly.
392. Guess you're the only friend I can trust now Clover.
393. >Unable to say anything back, she closes her eyes and rubs her head against your hand in contentment.
394. >As you finally reach Rarity's boutique, you reach up to knock the door before stopping yourself.
395. >Looking up at the sun, you can tell its still a fair ways away from noon.
396. I hope Rarity isn't freaking out today as well...
397. >Looking down at Clover, you stuff her back in your breast pocket.
398. Better safe than sorry I guess...
399. >After taking a breath, you firmly knock against Rarity's door.
400. Rarity? It's Anon, may I come in?
401. >All you hear is silence, which is immediately followed by the sounds of random objects falling and crashing down inside.
402. >Eventually you hear Rarity's voice chime from inside, attempting to emulate a sing-song cheeriness that fails horribly.
403. >"Just...j-j-just a miiiinuuuuute~~!
404. >Surprised and confused, you crack open the door slowly and peak inside.
405. >Quietly sneaking into her house, you see her digging her way out of a pile of multicolored cloths.
406. >"No-no-no...it's too soon! I'm not ready!"
407. >You watch her frantically toss bits of fabric left and right as you try to get her attention.
408. Uh...Rarity? I know I'm early but-
409. >Her ears flick backwards as she hears your voice, pausing mid toss with a red cloth still held in her hoof.
410. >Slowly turning around, you see her face is a nervous wreck as she twitches and attempts to smile.
411. >Her hair is uncharacteristically ruffled out of place and you can see her eyes are bloodshot behind her red rimmed glasses.
412. Are...are you okay Rarity?
413. >You watch as her cheek twitches with a strong spasm.
414. >"Well dear...I was going to be just fine if you had arrived when I ASKED YOU TO!"
415. >You flinch at her sudden change.
416. I can...come back later if you want...heh heh...
417. >Cautiously backing up, you hear the door magically slam behind you.
418. >"I'm afraid it's too late for that Anon."
419. >You stare at her with worry.
420. >"I had a grand surprise planned to finally win your heart today, but you had to ruin it by showing up before I was ready."
421. Oh ya the surprise? What kind of surprise was it?
422. >She cranes her head down and looks at you over the rim of her glasses with an expression that seems to say "...are you serious?".
423. >"Really dear? Why a surprise to capture you and win Pinkie's game of course."
424. ...Oh fuck me...
425. >"That's the idea darling, but never mind that, it looks like now I'll just have to simply improvise!"
426. >Before you can ask her what she means, her horn glows white and you feel the rug your standing on magically yanked out from under you.
427. >Smacking on the hard tile floor, you try and sit up in a daze.
428. What the...hell...Rare...
429. >Without even answering, you feel random bits a cloth start wrapping around you from the bottom up.
430. >Like a spider wrapping a fly in a cocoon, you're soon wrapped all the way up to your chest like a mummy.
431. God damn it Rarity! Are you fucking kidding me?
432. >Struggling to break free from your new bonds, you kick and thrash around like a caterpillar as you try to shred apart the fabric prison.
433. >She giggles as you grunt and growl in annoyance.
434. >"Well now, that was much easier than I had expected."
435. >Grabbing you in her invisible grasp as you continue to shake and twist in anger, she lifts you up and starts carrying you up to her room.
436. >"Do forgive the mess dear, since you had decided to show up so dreadfully early, I haven't had time to prepare our..."love nest" yet."
437. >Shuddering at what she just called her bedroom, you feel yourself levitated and dropped on her luxuriously cushioned bed.
438. >"Give me a moment will you? I want this to be absolutely perfect!
439. >She starts hiding away all her work supplies and empty bottles of wine, replacing them with scented candles.
440. >You didn't even know Rarity drank...
441. >Moving along the counter she picks up mirror identical to the one you owned and looked herself over.
442. >Staring into her own reflection, she tugs at the black bags that had formed under her eyes from all the stress.
443. >"Oh Rarity darling, why did you have to sleep in on TODAY of all days?"
444. >This is definitely bad, you knew when she started talking to herself it would only get worse.
445. >"Anon dear, I'm gonna go "freshen up" before we start the main event."
446. >She gives you a wink that looks completely disturbing in her current frazzled state.
447. >"Don't go anywhere~!"
448. >As she locks the door to her personal bathroom, you lay back and contemplate your situation.
449. ...This sucks...
450. >Wiser words were never spoke.
451. >As you lay there seemingly given up, your chest starts to ache.
452. >No it was seriously starting to hurt, it felt like something was trying to crawl it's way out of you.
453. hnnggg...what...the...fu-
454. >Suddenly, you're face to face with a set of scarlet eyes.
455. Oh...hey Clover...
456. >Unable to stop her, she starts nuzzling your nose affectionately.
457. >Trying to avoid sneezing, you start to whisper to her.
458. Clover stop, we don't have time for that.
459. >She looks at you in confusion.
460. >"mrrr?"
461. >The little question mark popping above her head was adora-NO! Stay focused damn it, your ass was on the line.
462. Clover listen to me, we gotta get out of here.
463. >She tilts her head and looks at you confused.
464. Find some way to help me break free...FAST!
465. >She turns and looks at the rainbow colored straight jacket you were caught in.
466. >And immediately a light bulb appears above her head.
467. >How the hell is she even doing that...?
468. >Skittering across your chest, she starts nibbling, gnawing, and pulling at random spots all over your body.
469. Clover what the hell are you doing? That's going to take to long.
470. >She keeps running to different spots, bits of thread coming loose but nothing spectacular.
471. >Completely confused, you just stare at her in wonder.
472. >Wasn't much else you could do really, she was literally your last hope.
473. >Quickly, your body was soon covered in frayed strings and coils.
474. >Wait a minute...those weren't random strings, each thread was a part of a main stitch line.
475. >Taking a wild guess, you try flexing your arms.
476. >Sure enough, the threads and strings holding the pieces together start snapping apart like wires on a suspension bridge.
477. >With a sound that reminds you of Velcro being pulled and ripped open, you tear your arms free and proceed to remove the remaining pieces of your crime against fashion.
478. >Throwing off the other bits of cloths like a unwelcome blanket on a hot summer day, you pick up Clover in your hands and start walking to the exit.
479. >Grinning wildly, you start stroking her head with the tip of your index finger affectionately.
480. I damn well think you're quite possibly the smartest little rodent I have EVER seen in my entire god damn life.
481. >She coos lovingly as more hearts bubble and pop above her head.
482. >Seriously was she magic or something?
483. >As you make it half way across the room, you hear a noise that makes your blood run cold.
484. >"Anon honey, are you ready for the wildest night of-"
485. >Out of nowhere, Rarity finally steps out of her bathroom, a blast of steam pluming out along with her.
486. >She looked much...MUCH better now.
487. >Her hair had its regular bounciness back, her face was dolled up with beautiful make up, and that sexy black and purple lingerie was to die for.
488. >There was just one itsy-bitsy teeny-tiny problem...
489. >Namely the GIANT PURPLE STRAP ON SHE WAS CURRENTLY WEARING!!!!
490. Oh FUCK THAT SHIT!
491. >She holds out a hoof to you.
492. >"Anon wait!"
493. >Instantly turning towards the window so fast that you probably gave your neck whiplash, you take a running start.
494. BAIL BAIL BAIL!
495. >Tucking Clover tightly between your hands, you barrel roll out the window and take a leap of faith.
496. >Luckily, you crash land safe and sound right into a random bush of lilies, completely crushing them.
497. >Rarity sticks her head out the window and immediately grasps her cheeks with her hooves as she shrieks in horror.
498. >"MY PETUNIAS!"
499. >Alright christ, so they're petunias, what did she think you were some kind of flower expert?
500. >Before you can get an answer, you're promptly clocked in the face with an actual clock.
501. >Lifting a wine bottle this time, she screams down at you.
502. >"GET OFF OF THEM YOU BIG LUMMOX!"
503. >No need to tell you twice, you scramble to your feet and get the hell out of her attack range.
504. >As you run back to town, you can still hear her growling in frustration.
505. >It only serves to make you run twice as fast.
506. Jesus christ that was close.
507. >Stuffing Clover securely back in your pocket, you make a mental note to have her as a permanent space in your team roster.
508. [spoiler]FOUR![/spoiler]
510. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCxXil2zB5g
512. >You are Rainbow Dash
513. >Currently chillaxin on a cloud above P0nyville like a boss.
514. >It was your turn to clear the sky for the day, but that sounded totally boring.
515. >So instead you're literally taking a siesta up on cloud nine.
516. >Life is gooooood~.
517. >As you stare up at the bright sun with your shades on, getting a sick tan, you get this nagging feeling that you're forgetting something.
518. >Trying your best to drag the memory out of your brain, you hear a loud screech from below you.
519. >"MY PETUNIAS!"
520. >Suddenly jumping up in surprise, you lean over your posh cloud and look down to see what the commotion is.
521. >"GET OFF OF THEM YOU BIG LUMMOX!"
522. >What in the hay was going on down there?
523. >Lifting up your shades, you squint down and see Rarity furiously throwing things at a bush for some weird reason.
524. >Man this was totally killing your chillaxing time.
525. >Just as you're about to chew out Rarity for being so noisy, something bursts out from her bushes and starts running down the road straight for P0nyville.
526. >Oh hey it's Anon...
527. ...wait.
528. >The little surfer dude in your head gets knocked over by a tidal wave.
529. OH CRAP I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CATCHING ANON TODAY!
530. >Pounding a hoof against your head in frustration, you roll off your cloud and take flight, chasing after him.
531. Stupid stupid stupid! How could you forget today was the day.
532. >You look up at your forehead with an annoyed frown.
533. I blame you for this brain...
534. >But I am you [spoiler]dork![/spoiler]
535. >Your eyes go wide and cross eyed as you blink a few time in surprise.
536. Buh? Shu...Shut up brain!
537. >No you!
538. >Shaking your head in frustration, you growl at yourself as you revamp your pursuit.
539. >This was gonna be a long day...
541. >You finally caught up to Anon after he started walking normally again.
542. >Realizing he might spot you, you rush up and hide behind a cloud.
543. >Grinning slyly, you start talking to yourself.
544. Aw yeah, master of stealth right here.
545. >Maybe you could write that down on your wonder bolts application?
546. >Yeah they'd totally eat that stuff up.
547. >You make a mental note to update your resume' with more awesomeness.
548. Crap, getting sidetracked.
549. >You look down to see Anon is gone again.
550. Damn it!
551. >Completely forgetting stealth, you take to the skies once more to sniff him out.
552. Aw man, he could be anywhere now.
553. >Searching around, you use your speed to your advantage to scan the area quickly.
554. >Eventually you spot him again.
555. >He was walking through the middle of town talking to himself for some reason.
556. >But this was your chance!
557. >Rushing ahead of him, you hide behind a tall building.
558. >Time to put your fool proof plan into action!
559. >Heh, the other girls were dumb, they always try to trick him into loving them.
560. >You knew the fastest way to a stallion's heart...was to knock him da buck out!
561. >Genius, I know.
562. >You watch as Anon begins to walk past you.
563. >You grin as he starts to get a few meters ahead of you.
564. >Pulling a dark grey cloud out from behind you, you sneak behind him to get ready and take aim.
565. >He's still obliviously walking in a straight path towards Twilight's house, like heck your were gonna let that egghead win!
566. >Sticking your tongue out, you squint your eyes and carefully line up your shot.
567. >It was a straight line, easy-peasy, one good shock and you'll be sleeping with hot monkey tonight.
568. >Giggling with excitement, you turn around and get ready buck the hay outta that cloud.
569. This...is gonna be...awesome!
570. >You pull back and build up your strength.
571. >This is it! Alright lets-
572. >"Hey Rainbow!"
573. Huh?
574. >Turning your head to the side, you accidentally kick the cloud with only one leg.
575. >Your expression turns to one of horror as lightning shoots diagonally out the side of it instead of in a perfectly straight line ahead of you.
576. Crap!
577. >You look down and watch it deflect off a mirror a store had propped up, shooting off in a completely different direction.
578. Double Crap!
579. >It flies upward hitting a metal weather vane, causing it spin around violently before whipping it forcibly back at you.
580. >You watch it as it cracks, snaps, and pops straight at you in slow motion.
581. >Your ears fold down in terror as the color drains from your face.
582. ...crap...
584. >You are Anon.
585. >Making your way back through P0nyville after narrowly escaping Rarity.
586. Man today is starting to suck balls, nothing is going according to schedule and it's like everyone's out to get me.
587. >Clover looks up at you from your pocket and smiles knowingly.
588. >She gets it.
589. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of these shenaniga-
590. *KRACKOW!!!*
591. >Jumping up in surprise, you trip over your own feet from the sudden noise.
592. >Falling face first into the dirt, an irritating ringing sound fills your ears.
593. JESUS CHRIST WHAT WAS THAT?
594. >You dig a knuckle into your ear to try and return sound to tolerable decibels.
595. >Unable to control your own volume, you turn around and see Rainbow dash on the ground, thoroughly burnt to a crisp.
596. >Laying on her back with her legs straight up in the air, she twitches and spasms with zaps of electricity occasionally arching out of her as bits of blackened fur smolder in the air.
597. >You see black and blue feathers gently raining down on her in the breeze from above.
598. >"Uh oh...did I do that!?!"
599. >Looking up, you see Derpy standing on a grey thunder cloud staring down sadly at the twitching Rainbow mess.
600. >"...oops...my bad..."
601. >...what the hell just happened?
602. >Nevermind, it has nothing to do with you anyway, you still gotta get the rest of your things done while its still daylight.
603. >Continuing back towards Twilight's place, you ignore Rainbow as Derpy starts sadly poking her with a stick.
604. [spoiler]FIVE[/spoiler]
606. >Arriving at Twilight's treebrary, you look around for any would-be assassins before slowly knocking on the door.
607. >Expecting Spike to open it, you're instead greeted with the purple mare herself.
608. >"Oh hello Anon, what brings you here today?"
609. >You eye her up and down suspiciously, she was probably one of THEM as well...
610. >She looks up at you with a confused expression.
611. >"Anon? Are you alright? You look kinda...scary today."
612. >Starting to feel bad, you shake off the nagging feeling tickling the back of your head.
613. Hey Twilight, I was hoping you had a book I could borrow today.
614. >Smiling brightly at the word "book", her cheeks start to glow with warmth as she starts talking excitedly.
615. >"Oh of course Anon, please come inside with me!"
616. >She turns around casually and walks back into her home.
617. >Nothing suspicious so far.
618. >Steeling yourself, you step inside.
619. >Closing the door (making sure it's unlocked), you look around.
620. >Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but you reflexively ready your guard for any spontaneous craziness.
621. >You watch as Twilight sits down, puts her reading glasses on, and starts scribbling things down on the parchment at her desk.
622. >"Don't mind the mess, Spike is out running errands and I've been to busy to clean up."
623. >A used snack wrapper falls off her desk and barely misses falling into the garbage bin right beneath it.
624. >She was right, it was indeed a mess.
625. >Well not a severe one at least, but the occasional book or two seemed be laying on the floor, haphazardly thrown there by no doubt a certain purple p0ny.
626. >For a girl she sure didn't like to clean up after herself.
627. >You have an inner moment of silence for Spike and his shitty life.
628. >Your solemn thoughts are interrupted by Twilight.
629. >"So what can I do for you today Anon. If there's any book in the library you need I'll gladly share it with you."
630. >You think for a moment to try and recall why you came here in the first place.
631. >You drop a fist into your palm as suddenly remember.
632. >Oh ya of course!
633. I'm looking for "The Fool's Guide to Pastamancy" if you have it.
634. >Ah pastamancy, truly the most noble of arcane magicks.
635. >She taps a hoof to her chin as she thinks while still writing whatever thesis she was probably working on for Celestia.
636. >...stupid multitasking showoff.
637. >Finally, she stops writing as her eyes light up with recognition.
638. >"Ah yes Pastamancy, written by Professor Linguine if I remember correctly, it's quite an interesting read if you can understand the finer details."
639. >She looks over at the shelves and scans them for a moment before smiling and levitating a book from it into your hands.
640. >Sweet! Looks like you're finally going to eat something other than cake and pie for dinner tonight.
641. >"I'm glad you're taking an interest in it, it's one of my favorites!"
642. >She gives you a happy innocent smile that makes you feel fuzzy inside.
643. >You feel a familiar shifting and rolling sensation around your heart area.
644. >You begin to worry that it might be love, until you realize its just Clover moving in your pocket.
645. >But it does remind you that you might as well get something else while you're here.
646. Oh ya I also need a copy of "The Rewards of Raising Rodents" if you have one to spare.
647. >Her expression completely changes as she raises an eyebrow at you confused.
648. >"That's an odd request, did you finally decide to get a pet from Fluttershy Anon?"
649. >You look at her like she was retarded.
650. >You'd never allow one of her animals in your home, it would most likely be a double-agent feeding info back to her on a daily basis.
651. Fluttershy doesn't own every animal in the world Twilight...
652. >She narrows her eyes a bit.
653. >"You really should let Fluttershy take a look at your pet just to be safe."
654. >You narrow your eyes as well.
655. I can handle it on my own Twilight.
656. >"Then why do you need the book?"
657. Because I've got to much free time on my hands.
658. >"Really now?"
659. Yes...
660. >"Is that so?"
661. Indeed it is.
662. >You both stare at each other with deadpan faces, scrutinizing each other for weaknesses.
663. >But this is cutting into your schedule.
664. ...Nevermind, so where is that book anyway.
665. >Sighing dejectedly she looks over at the numerous shelves in her collection.
666. >"I'm sorry Anon, I'm not quite sure where it is in the first place, Spike usually handles keeping things organized."
667. >Looking over at the mounds of books, you stretch and crack your back in just the right way.
668. No problem Twilight, I can try and look for it myself if you don't mind.
669. >Stuffing "The Fool's Guide to Pastamancy" in your rucksack, you walk up to the shelves and start checking them one by one.
670. >...This was gonna take a while.
672. >Fifteen minutes pass by with no success.
673. >Sliding another book back into it's proper slot, you sigh and start grumbling with impatience.
674. Ugg, nothing is gonna go right for me today is it?
675. >Nose deep in her own book, Twilight's ears perk up as she catches your gripes.
676. >"What do you mean Anon?"
677. It's nothing Twilight, the girls have just been acting crazy today, even more so than usual.
678. >As you continue your search, you hear Twilight voice squeak out at barely more than a mumble.
679. >"Hey Anon...I was wondering...would you like it if... we were a couple?"
680. >You almost drop the book you were looking at.
681. >Catching it, you turn to Twilight and give her a confused look.
682. >She's sitting at her desk, looking at you while blushing a bright magenta.
683. >Where did that come from?
684. What are you talking about Twilight?
685. >She smiles and looks away from you, staring out the window.
686. >"Well I just thought...if we were together...then the rest of the girls would stop bothering you."
687. >Ah that's what it is, she just wants to save you from Pinkie's game.
688. While that is a nice offer Twilight, I think I'll have to pass.
689. >You chuckle a bit as you trail a finger across the backs of each book along the shelf.
690. I'm a grown man Twilight, I can fend for myself when push comes to shove.
691. >Taking a random book off the shelf, you look into it and start flipping through pages randomly while smiling absentmindedly.
692. But it's sweet of you to offer to pretend to be my mare like that, you really are such a good friend.
693. >As you continue to read, you don't even notice as your words are echoing in her mind.
694. >Pretend...pretend...pretend.
695. >Such a good friend...good friend...friend.
696. >"Is that what...you...NO! NOT THIS TIME!"
697. >She stands up and loudly stamps on the floor all the way over to the opposite side of the room in anger.
698. >Startled by the sudden noise, you fumble the book you were holding and drop it in a panic.
699. >Turning around you see her absolutely fuming with rage.
700. >"I'm not a little filly anymore Anon! How many times do I have to say I like you before you get it!?"
701. >Oh shit she was serious?
702. >Anon...you dun goofed for the last time.
703. >"I thought we could just be diplomatic and settle this the easy way, like intelligent sensible adults, but I'm done playing around."
704. >Her glowing eyes were starting to freak you out.
705. >You start recalling all the times she tried asking you on dates or even just simple things like hanging out.
706. >All the times she asked you what books you like or if you enjoyed any of her odd hobbies.
707. >You never took her seriously before cause she's just so...weird.
708. >You look at the used candy wrappers and junk littered all over her work station.
709. >And she really was a slob at times.
710. >At some point you just started treating her like a little sister figure cause it felt natural.
711. >But now you had a bomb to defuse.
712. Twilight calm down! You're like a sister to me. I'm just not...attracted to you like that.
713. >Pursing her lips in frustration, you can feel the anger in her eyes burning holes straight through you.
714. >"Oh but you will be soon enough."
715. >You look at her with nervous tension in your eyes, copious amounts of sweat start to sting them.
716. What?
717. >Not even giving you a chance to run, her horn glows with a bright lavender aura.
718. >As she lets loose a beam of light, you uselessly pull up your hands to try and defend yourself.
719. >They don't stop it worth shit.
720. >Shaking with purple energy, you brace yourself against the bookshelf and try to stay upright.
721. >As the beam finally subsides, you slowly open your eyes.
722. >It's hard to see, everything's blurry, so you try rubbing them instead.
723. >Opening them again, everything looks...different.
724. >Oh she got you alright...she got you real good.
725. >Your vision is stained a light shade of pinkish-red and you can't help but give a goofy smile.
726. >The dull giggling look you had, along with your pink eyes made you seem like a stoner.
727. ...WhOa...HeHeH...
728. >You look down at your hands and flex your fingers back and forth like they were the most amazing things ever.
729. >As she watches you zone out, the purple enchantress starts giggling to herself.
730. >"Anon, who do you love the most in this world?"
731. >You look up at her with a dull smile.
732. WhY...[TWILIGHT] Of CoUrSe.
733. >She starts clapping her hooves as she squeals with glee.
734. >"Eeeeheheeee! Curse of the Rose Shaded Lens, it never fails!"
735. >Unable to understand complicated words you just snicker and laugh.
736. ThAt'S SiLlY TwIlIgHt...YoU'rE SiLlY...AnD PrEtTy...
737. >You almost fall forward as you try to lean closer to her from across the room.
738. >She looks at your staggering features as you sway back and forth in ignorant bliss.
739. >"Honestly, I can't believe you gave the other girls so much trouble."
740. >She sticks her snout up proudly.
741. >"I knew it'd be easy when I actually tried."
742. >You have no idea what she's talking about, but you nod in agreement anyway.
743. YoU'rE AmAzInG TwIlIgHt, I DoN't KnOw HoW I EvEr LiVeD WiThOuT YoU~!
744. >She grins at your statement.
745. >"Quite a mystery indeed, now come over here so we can consummate our new found love for each other."
746. >Her wish is your command.
747. >And you certainly didn't want to keep her waiting.
748. >You start walking towards her like an unsteady zombie, it felt like you had spent all night drinking and now had to stumble your way home.
749. >Come on Anon... one foot in front of the other...you got this.
750. >There's no way in hell you're gonna let the love of your life down now.
751. >Twilight watches you with a cree-[SEDUCTIVE] smile as you slowly make your way over to her.
752. >She starts panting with excitement.
753. >She must enjoy how devoted you are to her.
754. >You want to make her happy as soon as possible!
755. >Gaining a little more confidence, you start taking bigger strides in your steps.
756. >Yes that's it, almost there!
757. >She smiles and flutters her eyelashes as you draw closer.
758. >"Now...kiss me."
759. >She closes her eyes and puckers her lips for a kiss.
760. >It spurs you on to no end!
761. >You try and take one final step towards victory.
762. >When suddenly you feel your weight slip out from under you.
763. >Well that isn't good.
764. >Tripping on a stray book that was left on the already messy floor, you feel your body lurch forward like you had stepped on the equivalent of a bar of soap.
765. >With no motor skills to save you, your forehead flies straight into your beloved Twilight's awaiting schnoz.
766. >A gut wrenching *crack* is heard as Twilight screams in pain.
767. >Recoiling back in surprise and shock, she smacks right into the bookshelf behind her.
768. >As she falls to the floor, she rubs her head and looks up to see a mountain of books ready to fall on her.
769. >Unable to levitate them while keeping you under her charm, she tries to crawl away in a panic.
770. >"nonononoNO!"
771. >But soon enough, she's completely buried under the complete collection of The Encyclopedia Equestria.
772. >Being knocked unconscious, you break free from her illusion.
773. >You grab your head as you try to push yourself back up to your feet.
774. >As you finally achieve balance, you continue to stumble back and forth.
775. Whoa...what in the name of Luna just happened?
776. >Coming to your senses, you assess the situation.
777. >Twilight shot you with a beam...and now there's a pile of books in front of you with a single purple hoof sticking out.
778. >Aw crap she's totally gonna blame you for this isn't she?
779. >You decide now would be as good a time to leave as any.
780. >Turning around towards freedom, your foot bumps into a book and painfully stubs your toe.
781. OW motherfu-HEY MY BOOK!
782. >Bending over, you pick up the copy of "The Rewards of Raising Rodents" you were looking for.
783. >For some reason it had a foot print on it.
784. >Deciding not to dwell on it, you go and stuff it in your rucksack anyway.
785. >Thingswentbetterthanexpected.jpg
786. >As you start heading to the exit, you take one last look at the pile and see it start to twitch and groan.
787. >You promptly flee like a bat out of hell to your next destination.
788. [spoiler]SIX[/spoiler]
790. >You are Anon.
791. >And this shit is REALLY starting to piss you off.
792. >You had finished confirming that all your friends are in fact...100% insane.
793. >To hell with your god damn schedule, you're getting your freaking groceries so you don't starve tonight, and then you're going the fuck home.
794. >Stomping your way back to the marketplace, the stands you pass by remind you of Applejack.
795. >It leaves a bitter sweet after taste in your mind.
796. Let's get this shit over with...
797. >Pulling out your shopping list, you get to work on the first and probably last productive activity you've done all day.
798. >Walking over to your first destination, you eye the middle aged stallion manning the stand.
799. >His bored expression is replaced with a professional facade as he smiles and waves to you.
800. >As you lazily wave back, you see his face change to one of confused panic.
801. >You don't figure out what his deal is until it's too late.
802. >As you try to keep walking towards him, you see something blur before your eyes right before you feel yourself yanked forcibly backwards.
803. >Taking a few steps back, you look down and see your arms pinned together with a rope wrapped around them.
804. Are you SHITTING me?
805. >As you try to tear it off with your hands, another rope hog ties you at the wrists.
806. >You bite your lip in anger as you stare at your hands, there was only one mare who'd pull this kind of shit.
807. >And now...you...were...PISSED!
808. God DAMN IT AJ I thought I told yo-
809. >As you twist around, your vision is unexpectedly greeted with the color yellow instead.
810. >Applebloom is grinning at you as she tugs and pulls on the ropes between her teeth.
811. Applebloom, what the bloody hell are you doing!?
812. >She giggles as she pulls the ropes tighter.
813. >"Word is, all tha gals are playing a game of capture tha monkey!"
814. >She starts running laps around you, wrapping you up like a pig in a blanket.
815. >"And winnar gits ta hav' tha time of her life!"
816. >You feel the ropes dig in tight and burn your skin.
817. >"So we're gunna give mah sis a mighty bit-o help!"
818. We're?
819. >You feel another rope slide down your frame and lock your shins in place.
820. >Cranning your neck, you look behind you and see a bright red p0ny had sneaked up on you as well.
821. Et tu, Big Mac?
822. >Big Mac smirks a bit as he hooks a second rope around your ankles.
823. >"Eeeyup!"
824. >You look over at the p0ny running the stand.
825. Are you just going to let them kidnap me you asshole???
826. >He nervously leans back and looks around skittishly.
827. >"Look man all I'm good at is selling cabbages, what do you expect me to do!?"
828. >You glare him with all your hate.
829. I'll be back you swine...
830. >With a strong yank you feel your leg support crumble.
831. >As your mind tries to catch up to the situation, you fall over and smack into the dirt like a great big tree on its way to the saw mill.
832. Ow fucking sonava-!
833. >Your bitching is cut short as another rope is wrapped around your mouth like a gag.
834. >"No cussing in front of the little one ya hear?"
835. >You growl at him as he drags you away.
837. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCeM8O-fhv0
839. >They had taken you all the way to their damn barn on the other side of town.
840. >Plopping you there like a sack of old potatoes, they left you there alone while they went and fetched their sister.
841. >Looking out the window you sigh dejectedly.
842. >Judging by the sun, it must be fair bit past noon by now.
843. >You groan in annoyance.
844. >Can't even buy fucking groceries in peace.
845. >Scanning the area, you try to find a way to escape this place in an awesome fashion like you always do.
846. >But all you're rewarded with is hay...and dirt.
847. >I hate my life...
848. >You look down and struggle against the massive amounts of rope they had you wrapped up in.
849. >It reminded you of Rarity's bullshit, but it was way more professionally done.
850. >Still gagged and wrapped like a freaking bug in a cocoon, they even had multiple knots accented with a ribbon tie on top.
851. >Even Clover was trapped inside...hell now you're wondering if she was ok or not.
852. >You try and thrash a bit more till you were out of energy.
853. >There was no getting out of this one was there...
854. >The reality of the situation starts to dawn on you, causing you to start hyperventilating.
855. >You twitch in fear as the barn doors open with a loud *creak*.
856. >Stuck laying on your back, you strain your eyes upwards to try and get a good view of your captor, but the angle sucks and doesn't allow it.
857. >But your curiosity is satiated as you hear a familiar voice.
858. >"Oh sugarcube...look at whut they did to you..."
859. >As Applejack rewards you with her presence, she looks down at you and chuckles weakly.
860. >"This is all kinda lik' earlier isn'it, only... the other way around...heheheh..."
861. >You were not amused.
862. >She sees you scowl at her and her fake smile melts into a sad frown.
863. >"Ah'm...Ah'm sorry. Her Sugar, no need ta treat ya lik'n animal."
864. >She reaches down and gently removes the rope your mouth had been choking on for the past while.
865. >Coughing a little bit, you try and relax your breathing before looking back up at her.
866. >"How ya feelin' Sugar?"
867. >You continue to glare at her with a stern scowl plastered across your face.
868. Pretty shitty AJ, being wrapped up like pinata' and dragged through town as everyone stood and gawked isn't my idea of a fun filled afternoon.
869. >Her face stretches in a nervous smile as she tries to play it off, so you keep going.
870. But it didn't feel nearly as bad as this morning did.
871. >You break another one of her weak attempts to act casual about this.
872. >"But the girls where going to-"
873. But nothing, I trusted you AJ...and instead you betrayed me...the one I put my faith in the most tried to stab me in the back.
874. >Your scowl turns into a look of weakness and depression.
875. How could you?
876. >She looks down at you as her face becomes crestfallen, you could tell she wanted to look away, but she was to strong for that.
877. >"Ya just don' understand Sugarcube, Ah hadta do it!"
878. >As she looked at you with a pleading face, you in turn gave her a look like you had become dead inside.
879. No Applejack...you didn't.
880. >You never used her full name, it made her worried more than anything else.
881. >As she opens her mouth to try and speak again, you cut her off.
882. Enough, no more excuses.
883. >You close your eyes and turn away from her.
884. Ya got me...just...do what your gonna do...
885. >Unable to fight back, you lay there and accept your fate as it sits in her hooves.
886. >If you were gonna get raped by a p0ny, at least it was going to be the least crazy one.
887. >You hear her let out a heartbroken sigh before she makes her move.
888. >As you feel her presence loom closer, you reflexively flinch and brace yourself.
889. >Expecting her to go straight for your face, you feel an odd tugging sensation lower down.
890. >Opening your eyes in confusion, you look down to see AJ pulling knots apart one by one.
891. AJ? What are you doing?
892. >She grunts out an answer between her teeth as she starts yanking the knots loose.
893. >"Doin' what I shoulda dun in tha first place."
894. >Sweat starts pouring down her brow as she struggles with a particularly tough one, you look at her with wide eyes in surprise.
895. But...but why?
896. >"Ah'm doin' it because it's whuts raight gosh darn it!"
897. >You start to breath easier as your restraints start coming loose one by one.
898. >"Ah want'd to git you to love meh, but not like this..."
899. >Tearing a few coils away with her teeth, she keeps talking.
900. >"But Ah sure as shootin wasn' gunna just sit around and twiddle mah hooves in tha corner alone..."
901. >Her lips were turning red and sore as she fought against each mess of rope.
902. >"...While tha others were out trying thar hardest to git ya fer themselves."
903. >You look at her with an accusing frown.
904. That doesn't make what you tried to do ok AJ.
905. >She looks back at you and lets go of the rope momentarily.
906. >"Ah...Ah know Ah dun wronged ya somethin' fierce Anon."
907. >Her eyes start getting glossy with tears.
908. >"But when Ah thought about one of tha otha gals getting their hooves on ya instead...Ah just hadta do somethin'!"
909. >Finally dropping the last rope free, her tears finally started flowing freely.
910. >"Ah just couldn' let ya go without ah fight..."
911. >She sits down on her haunches and quietly starts to cry in front of you.
912. >Her stetson haphazardly falls to the ground, but she doesn't bother picking it up.
913. >You stare at Applejack in a moment of silence.
914. >Standing up, you walk over to her menacingly.
915. >She flinches and closes her eyes as you draw close.
916. >But before she can open them again, you grab her head and hug her tight to your chest.
917. >You can't see her expression, but you feel her twitch once before relaxing in your arms.
918. >Your shirt becomes completely soaked as she quietly sobs into you.
919. >"Oh Sug, Ah didn' want any of this here nonsense, but all the gals were against meh."
920. >She lets out a loud sniff.
921. >"Ah didn' think Ah could stop em alone."
922. >You let out a sigh that almost sounds like a groan.
923. You really are a dumb p0ny sometimes you know that right...?
924. >As you stroke her blonde hair, she lets out a laugh between sobs in your chest.
925. >"Haha...Ah...Ah know..."
926. >Leaning back, she looks up at you with sore red eyes and sniffles as she tries to smile.
927. >"Can...can we still be friends Sugar?"
928. >You look away from her and pretend to think for a moment.
929. >Her smile starts to crumble with worry again.
930. >Having satisfied yourself with teasing her, you lift her up into a real hug.
931. >Catching her by surprise, she takes a moment before resting her head on your shoulder and wrapping her arms around your neck, sighing with relief.
932. Yeah...I think we can give the friend thing another try.
933. >You feel her hug you tight and you reciprocate.
934. And if there's gonna be love involved, I'd prefer not to be paralyzed and unable to move from the waist down.
935. >You feel a stinging sensation in your shoulder as she clocks you one.
936. >"That's not funny Sugarcube."
937. >You wince and chuckle.
938. You're right, it isn't.
939. >Pulling away from you, she wipes her tears away and smiles.
940. >"You best git going soon Anon, the others will come to check on me sooner or later."
941. >She hops off your lap and starts heading for the door.
942. Oh...just one more thing.
943. >As she turns around to ask you, you kneel down and grab her face in both hands, and give her the most romantic kiss your experience can allow.
944. >Pulling away from her, all she can do is stare at you in shock as a trail of saliva hangs between you.
945. Thanks for being who you are AJ.
946. >Blushing furiously, she picks up her stetson and hides her face behind it.
947. >"Gosh darn it Anon, now why'd ya havta go and do somethin' like that."
948. >Still keeping her hat down, she points toward the exit.
949. >"Now go on, git. Or else tha others are probably gunna show up and haul your caboose down to their dungeon."
950. >Taken aback, you look over at her with a dumbfounded look.
951. They have a DUNGEON!?!?
952. >Lifting up her stetson, she looks up at you and smirks.
953. >"I dunno...probably."
954. >Calming down, you roll your eyes and laugh.
955. I'm gonna get back at you for that someday.
956. >She looks up and flutters her eyelashes at you.
957. >"I hope ya do too Anon."
958. >Blushing something fierce, you turn around and head straight for the marketplace again.
959. >Gotta make some distance or you'll never want to leave.
960. >Running back to town, you look up and see the sky was starting to turn orange.
961. >Only a little more time left before all the shops shut down for the day.
962. >Looking back, you see AJ still waving back at you in the distance.
963. >You can't help but smile.
964. >You just might marry that mare someday...
965. .......................
966. ..................
967. ............
968. .......
969. ...
970. .
971. [spoiler]SEVEN~<3[/spoiler]
973. *TO BE CONTINUED*

create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1IbaknqWO0 >Day ??? in Equestria >You are Pinkie Pie. >Part-time baker, professional rapist. >You currently have the rest of your girlfriends sitting at a round table in a sparsely lit room at your undisclosed super secret ultra-headquarters. >No p0ny would ever guess its your bedroom, only a genius could comprehend such brilliant tactics. >You eye every girl in the room, their images being reflected ominously by the lit candle on the table as they quietly make small talk to each other. >The slowly burning candle that was illuminating the room was the only light source thanks to the black bed sheets you had hanging up, completely blocking the intense sunlight trying to cut its way through your windows. >Grinning slyly, you make a finger snapping noise to grab their attention. >Surprised, they all look at you and wonder how that was even possible without fingers. Girls, I've brought you all here for a reason. >Everyp0ny looks at you a bit confused. We're going...to play a "game". >Smirking, you throw a picture onto the table. >They all look down at it, a comical image of Anon as he's about to take a huge bite out of a humongous submarine sandwich is shown. Tomorrow is the day...where we finally get to rut Nonny. >All the girls look up at you like you're insane. >Which would be completely indubitably 100% correctarooni...but they didn't need to know that. >Of course Rainbow Dash was the first to speak. >"Well...that sounds really cool and all Pinkie, but in case you haven't noticed our track record hasn't been especially spectacular remember." >Rarity motions her hoof towards Rainbow. >"Indeed, why at this point I don't think Anon is even attracted to p0nies, if he won't even date an elegant and sensual mare such as myself then how will anyp0ny else stand a chance?" >As the others nod in agreement, you watch as Twilight scoffs quite loudly at her statement. >"Not everything is about looks and fashion sense Rarity, sometimes stallions can look past that and see you for who you REALLY are." >Taken aback, she takes her attention away from Rainbow and moves to Twilight who was sitting right next to her, giving her a sort of smug arrogant look as her eyebrow twitched in annoyance. >"Oh yeah? Then how come you aren't nestled snugly in Anon's arms as we speak?" >Twilight's face scrunches up as she blushes a bright magenta. >"That's...that's just...that's just because I haven't given him the chance yet!" >It was Rarity's turn to scoff in Twilight's face. >"Really darling? Do you think anyp0ny would actually believe that? I'm willing to bet you tried asking him out on a date and he didn't even notice!" >Twilight starts to fume. >"That's...that's not completely 100% true...he noticed." >She starts to pout and quietly mutters under her breath as her lip trembles sadly. >"He just thought I was kidding..." >An awkward silence begins to fill the room before Fluttershy manages to cut it. >"H-have you girls ever thought of just...r-r-raping him?" >The silence comes back in full force, even worse than before. >Twilight and Rarity stare at her with flushed embarrassed looks on their faces, while Rainbow just looks plain confused. >Applejack is the only p0ny that looks completely appalled at what she just heard come out of the yellow mare's mouth, staring at her wide eyed with her jaw dropped. >Rainbow Dash starts tapping a hoof to her chin and begins thinking out loud. >"Now that I think about it, every time its crossed my mind something crazy happens that makes me forget all about it." >Fluttershy excitedly stands up from her chair, leans across the table, and points a hoof at Rainbow Dash in a wild fashion. >"I know right! Whenever I start to lose my patience and decide to just ~stick~ it to him, something weird happens and I end up changing my mind!" >Her eyes began glinting with something special, she clearly liked where the conversation was going. >Twilight tries to play off her blushing face as no big deal as she adds her own two bits. >"Well one time I decided to educate him in p0ny mating rituals, I lit some candle light and played soft music and invited him down to my basement, but when we got there I couldn't find the book I had prepared for him!" >She looks down and rests her head, face down in her arms on the table as she mumbled out her next words in a depressed manner. "...So he got bored and left." >As she lets out a depressed sigh, Rarity pats her on the shoulder apologetically. >"Perhaps you should act more ladylike once in a blue moon Twilight dear. Why I've never tried to actually "rape" Anon, I've only courted him in a dignified manner like a true noblemare!" >She sticks her chest out proudly and nods with a firm refined tone. >"I even managed to FIIIINALLY convince him to go on a date at the most regal restaurant in Canterlot!" >Her smile soon turns into a depressed frown to join along with Twilight's own sad face. >"But when we got there, all my reservations had been canceled! The nerve of them!" >She shook her hoof in the air angrily. >"By the time the night was over, we had ended up eating at some ~filthy~ family diner instead...". >She puts her face in her hooves and sobs dramatically. >"It was HORRIBLE!" >Suddenly Rainbow Dash starts laughing out loud. >"AHHHHHHHHAHAHA you guys are such wimps! I totally had Anon eating out my hoof one time." >As she takes a bite out of an apple, the two of them stop feeling sorry for themselves and look up at her, their cheeks puffed up in frustration. >She just leaned back in her chair, placing her hind legs on the table and resting an arm behind her head, taking another bite of her apple as she grins and continues her story. >"Yeah, I took him out to get smashed at the bar together one night, by the end of it he was begging me to stay at his place." >She leans across the counter and whispers behind the back of her hoof. >"I was totally gonna get the D!" >Snickering at her own joke, she sits back in her chair normally. >"But by the time we got to his house, I was so wasted I ended up passing out on his floor..." >Finishing off her apple, she raises her arms and shrugs. >"Oh well, what can you do?" >The unicorns look at each other, then stare back at her. >With a completely deadpan stare, Twilight speaks up. >"So what you're saying is, you didn't even come close to actually rutting Anon." >Shocked by Twilight's statement, Rainbow leans across the table and takes it as a challenge. >She starts heaving and puffing furiously as she points a hoof at Twilight. >"Nuh uh! I was TOTALLY gonna score! You didn't even manage to keep him alone for more than five minutes!" >Twilight doesn't even look fazed by Rainbow's accusations. >"Heh...At least I was able to stay conscious the entire time." >She puts on a smug face and starts openly mocking Rainbow, which only infuriates her more. >As sparks begin to form between them, Rarity pushes both of them away to get her say in. >"Girls I think we can all agree that I was the one closest to wooing Anon, why if they had let us have our romantic dinner together... I dare say I wouldn't even have the time of day to pry myself away from his bedroom to humor your childish antics right now." >They both slowly turn and look at her, completely silent as they watched her spout bullshit. >And that's when they started arguing in full force, loudly screaming and yelling at each other over who's plan was better. >In the middle of the fighting Fluttershy tries to tell her own story. >"Oh...um...I managed to get a pair of his...uh... underwear...one time...*eep!*" >She ducks down as a mug flies over her head and crashes into the wall, nop0ny even heard her. >Applejack hadn't said a single word this whole time. >She had just been sitting there watching as everyp0ny began to bicker about which one was closest to actually rutting Anon. >But it seemed like her patience was wearing thin. >Finally, she decided to break the commotion and get their attention. >She crossed her hooves on the table and tried to speak in a respectful manner. >"Um...gals?" >They continue to ignore her, even starting to flail wildly as they try to get their points across to each other. >"Gals...? >You giggled as you watched her patience run dry, it was like watching a bunch of school fillies fighting back in the day. >Snorting a little puff of steam in anger, she raises a hoof and sternly pounds it against the table, almost knocking over the candle. >"GALS!" >Surprised, they all stop talking at the exact same time. >Settling back down into their seats, Applejack looks between everyp0ny and sighs. >"Don't ya'll think you're takin' dis whole "rape" thing a tad bit to seriously?" >They all stare at her in silence, like they couldn't believe the crap that just came out of her mouth. >Dead silence filled the room once more. >With no supporters, Applejack simply glared back at them and let out a loud groan. >"...ugg FINE!" >After raising her arms in the air in defeat, she slumps onto the table, propping her grumpy face up with one elbow and a hoof under her cheek. >"Forget ah even asked..." >With her free hoof she pulls her stetson over her face and hides from their accusing stares. >Taking attention away from Applejack, Fluttershy pipes up sadly. >"It doesn't even matter anyway, no one can beat Anon...he just wins without even trying." >Everyp0ny nods and lets out a loud audible sigh in unison. >Everyp0ny except you that is. That's because we have always tried to beat him on our own. >They all look at you confusedly through the corners of their eyes. Girls... if we combine our efforts and work as a team, our plan will succeed. >They all glance at each other unsure. >The skepticism pours out from the entire group so thick you can taste it in the air. >Rarity decides to be the one to ask the question that's on everyp0ny's minds. >"That's a nice sentiment dear, but how ever will we manage to ensnare him when we can't ever seem to win?" >You narrow your eyes and grin from cheek to cheek. We'll do it together... >You start smoothly grinding your hoofs together like a mischievous cartoon villain. Because I know the secret... to defeating Anon. (End Song) >Day 777 in Equestria. >You are Anon. >Luckiest human in all the land. >Well you were the only human, but god damn it that didn't make it any less true! >You look at your window, the grey light pouring through showed the sun hadn't even risen yet. >You were starting to wake up to early for your own good... >Hopping out of bed, you go to the washroom to begin your routine. >Shit, shower, shave. >As you're about to head out the bathroom door, you notice the set of clean clothes you forgot on the counter there the other day. >Saving you the return trip to your bedroom, you head down to the kitchen once again in record time. >Opening up the cupboard, you pour yourself a bowl of Twilight Sparkles. >Because they're fucking magically delicious that's why. >Placing the box down beside you, you sit down at your coffee table like the lazy schmuck you are, and with a yawn begin eating. I hope to god today isn't boring, even with a full schedule planned I just know it's gonna be a dull day...I can just feel it. >Grumbling over nothing, you take another spoonful of cereal to your mouth and lazily look down. >Where you see something that shouldn't be there. >A bright albino mouse is drinking the milk from your bowl. Hey! Stop that! >You pull the bowl away from it in annoyance. >Your immediate thought is to swat it away, but when you take a closer look you notice it isn't like a normal mouse at all. >It has pretty white fur and glossy crimson red eyes, but the weird thing was how cartoonishly animated it looked. >It's eyes and tiny whiskers seemed to invoke more emotions than you could ever possibly comprehend. >Surprised at having the food taken away, it looks up at you sadly, whimpering with it's bright red eyes while its tummy grumbles painfully. >Staring down at it, you awkwardly rub a hand behind your neck. ...Ahh geez really? Why does everything have to give me the freaking puppy eyes in this damn world? >It starts sniffling and hiccuping with an itty-bitty squeaky tone of voice. Damn it...ALRIGHT ALREADY! >Throwing your hands up in defeat, you dig your hand in the cereal box and you poke out a few pebbles for the snow white mouse to munch on. >Little animated hearts appear above it's head as it starts nibbling on them. Honestly, a guy can't even eat breakfast in peace anymore. >You settle down and continue eating breakfast along with your new "company". >It felt nice to spend time with someone that didn't constantly judge you or talk nonstop. >Finally finishing your bowl, you hold a hand up to your mouth and close your eyes to let out a loud yawn. ahhhhhh-what the? >Half way through, you feel an odd sensation rubbing along the side of your free hand. >Looking down, you see the little mouse endearingly rubbing it's cheek against you as little hearts bubble above its head. >Chuckling a bit, you start petting it with your other hand. Affectionate little bugger aren't ya? >Opening it's eyes, it grabs onto your sleeve and rushes up your arm. Whoa wait WHAT!? >Not sure what to do, you panic a little and stumble back onto your couch. >Flat on your back, you watch as it runs along your chest and snugly nestles itself inside your breast pocket. >Peaking inside, you see it had already curled up and fallen asleep, cartoon style "zZzZz"s sneaking out of it's head. >She really was taking a liking to you after all wasn't she? >...At least you hoped it was a "she". >Smiling a bit, you look down at her and whisper. I think I'm gonna call you Clover! >You watch as a little heart sneaks it way in between the "Z"s. >Snickering at your own genius, you close the pocket and give it a light pat. >Pointing a finger upwards, you shout out loud. Clover has joined your party! >You had no idea who you were talking to... >Sitting up proudly, strands of bangs from your hair fall into your eyes. >Seems your hair was a mess again. >Damn it, must've been when you fell onto the couch. >Being ever lazy, you lean across the couch to the nightstand and pick up the only hand mirror you owned. >Rarity gave it to you as a present one time, so naturally is was bright white and covered in gaudy multicolored rhinestones. >Looking at it and letting out a depressed sigh, you gotta wonder sometimes if your friends know that you are in fact actually a guy... >As you're about to clear up the mess that is your face, you hear a soft knock at the door. >Sighing lethargically you stand up and walk over to answer it. Swear to god it better not be Pinkie again... >The thought of Pinkie so early in the morning makes you shudder. >Taking a deep breath, you cautiously open the door and peak through. >Surprisingly it isn't Pinkie for once. >The mirror still in one hand, you open the door all the way with the other and greet BananaHush with open arms. Fluttershy! What a delightful surprise! It's rare to see you visit so early! How are you this fine morning!? >She blushes and mumbles something. >Your joyous smile starts fading fast. Flutters...what have I told you about speaking clearly. >She shrinks away and hides behind her mane, mumbling something else. >Grabbing the bridge between your eyes in annoyance, you cross your arms and lean down to hear her better. Alright, what is it Fluttershy? >She looks at you through the corner of her eye. >"Oh...um...oh dear." >This was really wearing out your patience. Make it quick Flutters, I've got a busy schedule today. >She stammers as she tries to finally speak clearly. >"W-w-well you see, Pinkie and the r-rest of the girls wanted to play a game today!" >Your eyes start growing wide with worry at the mere mention of Pinkie. >"And I-I-I was just wondering..." >You start slowly backing away while she's not looking. ...Yes? >Her voice goes down to barely a whisper. >"...Is rape your fetish Anon?" >Before you can react, she pulls out a perfume bottle and points it towards you. >But right as she reaches towards you to use it, the bright morning sun peaks over the horizon. >Just as she presses down to spray you, concentrated burning rays of sunlight reflect off the god awful mirror held in your hands and singe her right in her precious retinas. >"aahhhgg!" >As she recoils back in pain, she moves her hooves up to protect her face, accidentally causing her to spray herself instead. >As the green puff of smoke dissipates, you watch as her eyes become unfocused. >"Oh...oh dear..." >Stumbling for a few moments, she faceplants on your doorstep, snoring loudly. >You look down at her and sigh exhaustively. Great...today's going to be one of THOSE days isn't it... >Slouching over like a depressed ape, you take a step back inside. >After quickly cleaning up your face, you toss the girly looking mirror back on your couch. >As you step outside, you lock your door and put the key snugly in your pant's pocket as you head out to start the day. >As you start briskly walking down the dirt road, somewhere in the back of your mind, you can hear the sweet allure of a woman's heart warming sensual voice. [spoiler]~ONE~[/spoiler] >It was the start of your day, first stop...Rarity's place. >She said she had made a special present just for you and that she needed you to come pick it up around noon. >You look up across the open field and see the sun is barely cracked over the horizon. >Hmmm it WAS a bit early, but you had a schedule to keep. I'm sure she'll understand. >Doesn't mean you can't take your time getting there though. >Walking towards town, you take the chance to look around at the scenery. >Calmly sticking your hands in your pockets, you look over to your right and admire the passing foliage. >The weather p0nies had finally decided to bring autumn to the town. >The trees had faded to gorgeous shades of orange, yellows, and reds. >It really was a beautiful morning today. >A cool crisp wind gently blew past you, ruffling your clothes as you made your way down the path. >Shivering a little, you cross your arms against your chest causing Clover to stir from her slumber. >With a mild smirk, you pull her out of your pocket and continue walking with her sitting in the palm of your hand. You really are a tiny little thing aren't you? >You poke her with your index finger. Where in the hell did you come from anyway? >She looks up at you and tilts her head in confusion. Not much of a talker eh? I get that. >Deciding to end your pointless inquisition, you opt for petting her instead. It's nice to have someone listen to my gripes for once. >You hadn't taken the opportunity to bask in the glory of nature lately. >Casually admiring the changing colors, you don't even notice the slight tinge of pink shifting behind the tree as you walk past. >Basking in the beauty of nature, you suddenly feel yourself lurch forward unexpectedly. >Holding on to your furry friend for dear life, you flail your arms wildly, just barely managing to prevent yourself from falling over as your feet are bolted in place. What the hell??? >You take a moment to make sure Clover is ok. >Her eyes are jumbled up and rolling back and forth but otherwise she's no worse for wear. >Looking down at your feet, you notice you've stepped into a thin pile of inauspicious leaves that barely reaches your ankles. >As you try and lift your feet up, you see an odd taffy looking substance clinging to it, cleverly hidden beneath the leaves. >Putting all your strength into your calves, you struggle to pull yourself out as the goop stretches out painfully before sucking you back down. Is this...is this FUCKING GLUE!?!? >And that's when you hear it, that bone chilling laughter. >A large pile of leaves sitting next to the tree you had just been ogling earlier starts shaking wildly before it explodes. >And out from it comes your arch nemesis...Pinkie Pie. >"hahaha! I finally got you Nonny!" >She starts hopping towards you like Pepé Le Pew, her eyes closed as she sports a gigantic shit eating grin. >"I just knew today would be the day, this morning I woke up and grabbed Gummy and told him "Today-I'm-gonna-catch-Nonny!" and here your are!" >She bounces increasingly closer. >"All alone..." >She lands right in the goop along with you, a mere inch away from your face. >"With no p0ny around to interrupt us~<3" >You look at her with a deadpan stare. Pinkie...what the hell is this? >You try tugging on your legs once more, but they refuse to budge. >"Silly Nonny, me and the girls are playing a game!" ...What kind of game Pinkie. >"Oh a very FUN game Nonny, a game where you're first prize!" >She tries to hop up and down excitedly, but the glue holds her firmly in place. >"And it looks like I'm about to win! Yay!" >She closes her eyes and leans in close to plant a kiss on your lips. >But you block it with the finger tips on your free hand. >Feeling cocky, you decide to play dumb as you look at her sadly. But Pinkie...now you're stuck... >As her lips meet your fingers, she opens her eyes in surprise. >But her expression soon changes to sultry bedroom eyes as she giggles and gives your fingers a lick. >"Oh that's ok you silly-billy, I don't mind being stuck here as long as I'm with a handsome stallion like you." >She starts leaning in for another kiss. But Pinkie... >You grin like the Cheshire Cat himself. I'm a human! >Slipping out of your shoes, you hop out of the pile of sticky gooey goop and land safely on the soft dirt road, sticking the landing like a gymnast at the Olympics. >As she kisses air, her eyes shoot open as she looks around in confusion. >She spots you already making your way down the road, you and Clover waving goodbye in unison. >Seeing you idly waving as you slowly walk away, she tries to follow, only to have her own hooves hold her back. >Looking down as the gooey mess stretches and distorts, yet still firmly holds her in place, she starts to panic. >"wait...wait Nonny! NONNY WAIT FOR M-WHOA!" >As she puts all her strength into breaking free, she only managed to fall over and get the rest of her body stuck to the ground. >She looks like a pink fly caught on sticky tape. >Whistling a little tune, you hear her screech and shout in the distance as you continue down the hill. >"I'LL GET YOU SOONER OR LATER NONNY! MARK MY WORDS! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER!" >You chuckle to yourself as you head into town. Silly Pinkie...I don't need to run from you. [spoiler]~TWO~[/spoiler] >It sucked how Rarity's boutique was on the complete opposite side of town. >As you cut through the marketplace, you realize you'll be stopping back here to pick up some things. >You probably should've planned out your schedule more efficiently... >Walking past the generic blur of shops and stands you hear a p0ny call out your name. >"Anon! Howdy thar partner!" >The familiar southern flavor of Applejack's voice causes you to crane your head in the other direction. >You see the bright orange p0ny waving happily from across the road. >You always did like Applejack, she was the only mare you could trust in this freaky town. >Her level headed honesty was an oasis in the desert of rape. >You start reminiscing over all the times she has saved your ass in the past. >You knew if things went to push and shove, AJ had your back. >Whenever Pinkie went completely fucking loco, AJ would give you a place to stay for the evening. >You quickly learned how comfy her couch can be. >Many a night where spent on that couch, but you didn't mind, that's just show how much faith you had in her. >She'd never do anything messed up to her friends. >Seeing a friendly face that wasn't trying to get in your pants really raised your spirits. >Smiling energetically, you make a detour to say hi to your old pal. AJ! How are you!? >You reach over and give her a strong hug. I'm so glad to see you! You haven't been around all week. >She blushes as you release her from your grasp. >"Shucks Anon, ya know Ah'm busy with tha farm and all." >She adjusts her stetson and smiles at your proudly. >You really loved that smile, it was so refreshing and wholesome. >"But it sure is rare ta see ya so early in tha mornin' sugarcube. Care for ah bite to eat before yah start ya'r day?" >You hadn't felt like it earlier, but the sudden smell of her apple stand reminded you that you could definitely go for a snack. >But you had things you needed to do today, you couldn't stick around long. Sorry AJ, I'd love to stay a while, but there's a lot I gotta- >Your stomach interrupts by grumbling painfully loud. >You blush as an awkward silence forms between you. >...Hoofing it across town can really build an appetite. I guess I could...stay for a little bit. >Rubbing the back of your head in embarrassment, she looks up at you and laughs. >"Aw don't be like that Anon, ya know I'd always wanna help yah out." >She looks at you and smiles widely. >"In fact, ah made this here pie just for you!" >She reaches into a secret compartment under the stand and pulls out a steaming hot, oven fresh pie. For me? Really? >You lean in close and give her a mischievous smile, raising your eyebrows suggestively. Is it a special pie or something? >To your surprise, she actually starts to sweat a bit as she smiles nervously, her eyes shifting back and forth as she looks around. >"N-nope! Nothing special at all! Can't a gal give her best friend a free pie once in a while?" >...Can't argue with that logic. >You pick up the pie in your hands and open your mouth wide to take a delicious bite. >Applejack starts biting her lower lip in anticipation, not taking her eyes off you for a second. >Right as your about to sink your teeth in, a large brown stallion knocks into your back. >The sudden jolt causes the pie to slip from your grasp and splat straight on the ground. >Eyes wide open in annoyance, you turn around and yell at him. Hey watch where you're going you fucking asshole! >You shake your fist in anger as the stallion ignores you and continues walking. >Lowering your hand down sadly, you turn to AJ to apologize. Ah geez I'm sorry AJ, I didn't mean to ruin your deliciou- >As you look down at the destroyed pie on the ground beneath you, you notice something that makes your expression go sour. >Slowly looking back at AJ, you start staring at her eye to eye, a stern look on your face as you begin to question her. Applejack...what are those? >You point at the white and blue pills that were covered in apple flavored goo now littered all over the ground. >Her ears fold back as she let's out a nervous chuckle. >"eh heh heh..." ...I'm waiting AJ. >Crossing your arms, you stare at her in silence, waiting for her answer without ever blinking. >"...Breath...mints?" >It takes less than a second for you to lunge over and grab her by the throat. >"Sugar wait I can explai-ACK!" Actions speak louder than words AJ... >Scooping up the remnants of pie, you stuff a whole handful into her mouth and force her to swallow. >As you gently let her down, her head begins to sway back and forth as she tries to maintain her balance. >Stumbling over, she places a hoof down on her apple stand to try and stay upright as her knees begin to buckle. >"Sorry sugarcube...I don't...I don't feel so swell no more..." >And with that, she limply falls over onto her side. >Looking over at her, you're surprised to see she was still awake, but you could tell she was paralyzed. >Wiping off the bits of pie from your hand, you sigh sadly and walk over to her. >Placing your hands on your legs, you squat down beside her. >You sit there and look at her in silence for a long time. ...How could you AJ... I thought we were best friends? >She doesn't seem to be able to talk anymore, all she can manage is to look up at you. To think you would join in Pinkie's dumb game... >You place a hand on her cheek. I'm not even mad AJ...I'm worse than mad...I'm disappointed. >You start petting her soft yellow mane. I thought of all p0nies, you would never stoop so low. >Looking up at you, you could see her eyes getting glossy. ...I trusted you AJ...I really did. >She can't even answer you, so all she does is look away from you sadly. >Sighing dejectedly, you stand up and reach for some apple fritters from her stand. >Taking a bite into the tasty treats, you lethargically trudge your way to Rarity's. [spoiler]...THREE...[/spoiler] >That encounter with Applejack had really killed your groove. >You let out one of many sighs as you hold Clover in your hand and feed her bits of pilfered apple baked goodness. I just don't know what to think anymore, Element of Honesty my ass. >As you stuff the last piece into your mouth, you choke it down and start petting her absentmindedly. Guess you're the only friend I can trust now Clover. >Unable to say anything back, she closes her eyes and rubs her head against your hand in contentment. >As you finally reach Rarity's boutique, you reach up to knock the door before stopping yourself. >Looking up at the sun, you can tell its still a fair ways away from noon. I hope Rarity isn't freaking out today as well... >Looking down at Clover, you stuff her back in your breast pocket. Better safe than sorry I guess... >After taking a breath, you firmly knock against Rarity's door. Rarity? It's Anon, may I come in? >All you hear is silence, which is immediately followed by the sounds of random objects falling and crashing down inside. >Eventually you hear Rarity's voice chime from inside, attempting to emulate a sing-song cheeriness that fails horribly. >"Just...j-j-just a miiiinuuuuute~~! >Surprised and confused, you crack open the door slowly and peak inside. >Quietly sneaking into her house, you see her digging her way out of a pile of multicolored cloths. >"No-no-no...it's too soon! I'm not ready!" >You watch her frantically toss bits of fabric left and right as you try to get her attention. Uh...Rarity? I know I'm early but- >Her ears flick backwards as she hears your voice, pausing mid toss with a red cloth still held in her hoof. >Slowly turning around, you see her face is a nervous wreck as she twitches and attempts to smile. >Her hair is uncharacteristically ruffled out of place and you can see her eyes are bloodshot behind her red rimmed glasses. Are...are you okay Rarity? >You watch as her cheek twitches with a strong spasm. >"Well dear...I was going to be just fine if you had arrived when I ASKED YOU TO!" >You flinch at her sudden change. I can...come back later if you want...heh heh... >Cautiously backing up, you hear the door magically slam behind you. >"I'm afraid it's too late for that Anon." >You stare at her with worry. >"I had a grand surprise planned to finally win your heart today, but you had to ruin it by showing up before I was ready." Oh ya the surprise? What kind of surprise was it? >She cranes her head down and looks at you over the rim of her glasses with an expression that seems to say "...are you serious?". >"Really dear? Why a surprise to capture you and win Pinkie's game of course." ...Oh fuck me... >"That's the idea darling, but never mind that, it looks like now I'll just have to simply improvise!" >Before you can ask her what she means, her horn glows white and you feel the rug your standing on magically yanked out from under you. >Smacking on the hard tile floor, you try and sit up in a daze. What the...hell...Rare... >Without even answering, you feel random bits a cloth start wrapping around you from the bottom up. >Like a spider wrapping a fly in a cocoon, you're soon wrapped all the way up to your chest like a mummy. God damn it Rarity! Are you fucking kidding me? >Struggling to break free from your new bonds, you kick and thrash around like a caterpillar as you try to shred apart the fabric prison. >She giggles as you grunt and growl in annoyance. >"Well now, that was much easier than I had expected." >Grabbing you in her invisible grasp as you continue to shake and twist in anger, she lifts you up and starts carrying you up to her room. >"Do forgive the mess dear, since you had decided to show up so dreadfully early, I haven't had time to prepare our..."love nest" yet." >Shuddering at what she just called her bedroom, you feel yourself levitated and dropped on her luxuriously cushioned bed. >"Give me a moment will you? I want this to be absolutely perfect! >She starts hiding away all her work supplies and empty bottles of wine, replacing them with scented candles. >You didn't even know Rarity drank... >Moving along the counter she picks up mirror identical to the one you owned and looked herself over. >Staring into her own reflection, she tugs at the black bags that had formed under her eyes from all the stress. >"Oh Rarity darling, why did you have to sleep in on TODAY of all days?" >This is definitely bad, you knew when she started talking to herself it would only get worse. >"Anon dear, I'm gonna go "freshen up" before we start the main event." >She gives you a wink that looks completely disturbing in her current frazzled state. >"Don't go anywhere~!" >As she locks the door to her personal bathroom, you lay back and contemplate your situation. ...This sucks... >Wiser words were never spoke. >As you lay there seemingly given up, your chest starts to ache. >No it was seriously starting to hurt, it felt like something was trying to crawl it's way out of you. hnnggg...what...the...fu- >Suddenly, you're face to face with a set of scarlet eyes. Oh...hey Clover... >Unable to stop her, she starts nuzzling your nose affectionately. >Trying to avoid sneezing, you start to whisper to her. Clover stop, we don't have time for that. >She looks at you in confusion. >"mrrr?" >The little question mark popping above her head was adora-NO! Stay focused damn it, your ass was on the line. Clover listen to me, we gotta get out of here. >She tilts her head and looks at you confused. Find some way to help me break free...FAST! >She turns and looks at the rainbow colored straight jacket you were caught in. >And immediately a light bulb appears above her head. >How the hell is she even doing that...? >Skittering across your chest, she starts nibbling, gnawing, and pulling at random spots all over your body. Clover what the hell are you doing? That's going to take to long. >She keeps running to different spots, bits of thread coming loose but nothing spectacular. >Completely confused, you just stare at her in wonder. >Wasn't much else you could do really, she was literally your last hope. >Quickly, your body was soon covered in frayed strings and coils. >Wait a minute...those weren't random strings, each thread was a part of a main stitch line. >Taking a wild guess, you try flexing your arms. >Sure enough, the threads and strings holding the pieces together start snapping apart like wires on a suspension bridge. >With a sound that reminds you of Velcro being pulled and ripped open, you tear your arms free and proceed to remove the remaining pieces of your crime against fashion. >Throwing off the other bits of cloths like a unwelcome blanket on a hot summer day, you pick up Clover in your hands and start walking to the exit. >Grinning wildly, you start stroking her head with the tip of your index finger affectionately. I damn well think you're quite possibly the smartest little rodent I have EVER seen in my entire god damn life. >She coos lovingly as more hearts bubble and pop above her head. >Seriously was she magic or something? >As you make it half way across the room, you hear a noise that makes your blood run cold. >"Anon honey, are you ready for the wildest night of-" >Out of nowhere, Rarity finally steps out of her bathroom, a blast of steam pluming out along with her. >She looked much...MUCH better now. >Her hair had its regular bounciness back, her face was dolled up with beautiful make up, and that sexy black and purple lingerie was to die for. >There was just one itsy-bitsy teeny-tiny problem... >Namely the GIANT PURPLE STRAP ON SHE WAS CURRENTLY WEARING!!!! Oh FUCK THAT SHIT! >She holds out a hoof to you. >"Anon wait!" >Instantly turning towards the window so fast that you probably gave your neck whiplash, you take a running start. BAIL BAIL BAIL! >Tucking Clover tightly between your hands, you barrel roll out the window and take a leap of faith. >Luckily, you crash land safe and sound right into a random bush of lilies, completely crushing them. >Rarity sticks her head out the window and immediately grasps her cheeks with her hooves as she shrieks in horror. >"MY PETUNIAS!" >Alright christ, so they're petunias, what did she think you were some kind of flower expert? >Before you can get an answer, you're promptly clocked in the face with an actual clock. >Lifting a wine bottle this time, she screams down at you. >"GET OFF OF THEM YOU BIG LUMMOX!" >No need to tell you twice, you scramble to your feet and get the hell out of her attack range. >As you run back to town, you can still hear her growling in frustration. >It only serves to make you run twice as fast. Jesus christ that was close. >Stuffing Clover securely back in your pocket, you make a mental note to have her as a permanent space in your team roster. [spoiler]FOUR![/spoiler] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCxXil2zB5g >You are Rainbow Dash >Currently chillaxin on a cloud above P0nyville like a boss. >It was your turn to clear the sky for the day, but that sounded totally boring. >So instead you're literally taking a siesta up on cloud nine. >Life is gooooood~. >As you stare up at the bright sun with your shades on, getting a sick tan, you get this nagging feeling that you're forgetting something. >Trying your best to drag the memory out of your brain, you hear a loud screech from below you. >"MY PETUNIAS!" >Suddenly jumping up in surprise, you lean over your posh cloud and look down to see what the commotion is. >"GET OFF OF THEM YOU BIG LUMMOX!" >What in the hay was going on down there? >Lifting up your shades, you squint down and see Rarity furiously throwing things at a bush for some weird reason. >Man this was totally killing your chillaxing time. >Just as you're about to chew out Rarity for being so noisy, something bursts out from her bushes and starts running down the road straight for P0nyville. >Oh hey it's Anon... ...wait. >The little surfer dude in your head gets knocked over by a tidal wave. OH CRAP I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CATCHING ANON TODAY! >Pounding a hoof against your head in frustration, you roll off your cloud and take flight, chasing after him. Stupid stupid stupid! How could you forget today was the day. >You look up at your forehead with an annoyed frown. I blame you for this brain... >But I am you [spoiler]dork![/spoiler] >Your eyes go wide and cross eyed as you blink a few time in surprise. Buh? Shu...Shut up brain! >No you! >Shaking your head in frustration, you growl at yourself as you revamp your pursuit. >This was gonna be a long day... >You finally caught up to Anon after he started walking normally again. >Realizing he might spot you, you rush up and hide behind a cloud. >Grinning slyly, you start talking to yourself. Aw yeah, master of stealth right here. >Maybe you could write that down on your wonder bolts application? >Yeah they'd totally eat that stuff up. >You make a mental note to update your resume' with more awesomeness. Crap, getting sidetracked. >You look down to see Anon is gone again. Damn it! >Completely forgetting stealth, you take to the skies once more to sniff him out. Aw man, he could be anywhere now. >Searching around, you use your speed to your advantage to scan the area quickly. >Eventually you spot him again. >He was walking through the middle of town talking to himself for some reason. >But this was your chance! >Rushing ahead of him, you hide behind a tall building. >Time to put your fool proof plan into action! >Heh, the other girls were dumb, they always try to trick him into loving them. >You knew the fastest way to a stallion's heart...was to knock him da buck out! >Genius, I know. >You watch as Anon begins to walk past you. >You grin as he starts to get a few meters ahead of you. >Pulling a dark grey cloud out from behind you, you sneak behind him to get ready and take aim. >He's still obliviously walking in a straight path towards Twilight's house, like heck your were gonna let that egghead win! >Sticking your tongue out, you squint your eyes and carefully line up your shot. >It was a straight line, easy-peasy, one good shock and you'll be sleeping with hot monkey tonight. >Giggling with excitement, you turn around and get ready buck the hay outta that cloud. This...is gonna be...awesome! >You pull back and build up your strength. >This is it! Alright lets- >"Hey Rainbow!" Huh? >Turning your head to the side, you accidentally kick the cloud with only one leg. >Your expression turns to one of horror as lightning shoots diagonally out the side of it instead of in a perfectly straight line ahead of you. Crap! >You look down and watch it deflect off a mirror a store had propped up, shooting off in a completely different direction. Double Crap! >It flies upward hitting a metal weather vane, causing it spin around violently before whipping it forcibly back at you. >You watch it as it cracks, snaps, and pops straight at you in slow motion. >Your ears fold down in terror as the color drains from your face. ...crap... >You are Anon. >Making your way back through P0nyville after narrowly escaping Rarity. Man today is starting to suck balls, nothing is going according to schedule and it's like everyone's out to get me. >Clover looks up at you from your pocket and smiles knowingly. >She gets it. Frankly, I'm sick and tired of these shenaniga- *KRACKOW!!!* >Jumping up in surprise, you trip over your own feet from the sudden noise. >Falling face first into the dirt, an irritating ringing sound fills your ears. JESUS CHRIST WHAT WAS THAT? >You dig a knuckle into your ear to try and return sound to tolerable decibels. >Unable to control your own volume, you turn around and see Rainbow dash on the ground, thoroughly burnt to a crisp. >Laying on her back with her legs straight up in the air, she twitches and spasms with zaps of electricity occasionally arching out of her as bits of blackened fur smolder in the air. >You see black and blue feathers gently raining down on her in the breeze from above. >"Uh oh...did I do that!?!" >Looking up, you see Derpy standing on a grey thunder cloud staring down sadly at the twitching Rainbow mess. >"...oops...my bad..." >...what the hell just happened? >Nevermind, it has nothing to do with you anyway, you still gotta get the rest of your things done while its still daylight. >Continuing back towards Twilight's place, you ignore Rainbow as Derpy starts sadly poking her with a stick. [spoiler]FIVE[/spoiler] >Arriving at Twilight's treebrary, you look around for any would-be assassins before slowly knocking on the door. >Expecting Spike to open it, you're instead greeted with the purple mare herself. >"Oh hello Anon, what brings you here today?" >You eye her up and down suspiciously, she was probably one of THEM as well... >She looks up at you with a confused expression. >"Anon? Are you alright? You look kinda...scary today." >Starting to feel bad, you shake off the nagging feeling tickling the back of your head. Hey Twilight, I was hoping you had a book I could borrow today. >Smiling brightly at the word "book", her cheeks start to glow with warmth as she starts talking excitedly. >"Oh of course Anon, please come inside with me!" >She turns around casually and walks back into her home. >Nothing suspicious so far. >Steeling yourself, you step inside. >Closing the door (making sure it's unlocked), you look around. >Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but you reflexively ready your guard for any spontaneous craziness. >You watch as Twilight sits down, puts her reading glasses on, and starts scribbling things down on the parchment at her desk. >"Don't mind the mess, Spike is out running errands and I've been to busy to clean up." >A used snack wrapper falls off her desk and barely misses falling into the garbage bin right beneath it. >She was right, it was indeed a mess. >Well not a severe one at least, but the occasional book or two seemed be laying on the floor, haphazardly thrown there by no doubt a certain purple p0ny. >For a girl she sure didn't like to clean up after herself. >You have an inner moment of silence for Spike and his shitty life. >Your solemn thoughts are interrupted by Twilight. >"So what can I do for you today Anon. If there's any book in the library you need I'll gladly share it with you." >You think for a moment to try and recall why you came here in the first place. >You drop a fist into your palm as suddenly remember. >Oh ya of course! I'm looking for "The Fool's Guide to Pastamancy" if you have it. >Ah pastamancy, truly the most noble of arcane magicks. >She taps a hoof to her chin as she thinks while still writing whatever thesis she was probably working on for Celestia. >...stupid multitasking showoff. >Finally, she stops writing as her eyes light up with recognition. >"Ah yes Pastamancy, written by Professor Linguine if I remember correctly, it's quite an interesting read if you can understand the finer details." >She looks over at the shelves and scans them for a moment before smiling and levitating a book from it into your hands. >Sweet! Looks like you're finally going to eat something other than cake and pie for dinner tonight. >"I'm glad you're taking an interest in it, it's one of my favorites!" >She gives you a happy innocent smile that makes you feel fuzzy inside. >You feel a familiar shifting and rolling sensation around your heart area. >You begin to worry that it might be love, until you realize its just Clover moving in your pocket. >But it does remind you that you might as well get something else while you're here. Oh ya I also need a copy of "The Rewards of Raising Rodents" if you have one to spare. >Her expression completely changes as she raises an eyebrow at you confused. >"That's an odd request, did you finally decide to get a pet from Fluttershy Anon?" >You look at her like she was retarded. >You'd never allow one of her animals in your home, it would most likely be a double-agent feeding info back to her on a daily basis. Fluttershy doesn't own every animal in the world Twilight... >She narrows her eyes a bit. >"You really should let Fluttershy take a look at your pet just to be safe." >You narrow your eyes as well. I can handle it on my own Twilight. >"Then why do you need the book?" Because I've got to much free time on my hands. >"Really now?" Yes... >"Is that so?" Indeed it is. >You both stare at each other with deadpan faces, scrutinizing each other for weaknesses. >But this is cutting into your schedule. ...Nevermind, so where is that book anyway. >Sighing dejectedly she looks over at the numerous shelves in her collection. >"I'm sorry Anon, I'm not quite sure where it is in the first place, Spike usually handles keeping things organized." >Looking over at the mounds of books, you stretch and crack your back in just the right way. No problem Twilight, I can try and look for it myself if you don't mind. >Stuffing "The Fool's Guide to Pastamancy" in your rucksack, you walk up to the shelves and start checking them one by one. >...This was gonna take a while. >Fifteen minutes pass by with no success. >Sliding another book back into it's proper slot, you sigh and start grumbling with impatience. Ugg, nothing is gonna go right for me today is it? >Nose deep in her own book, Twilight's ears perk up as she catches your gripes. >"What do you mean Anon?" It's nothing Twilight, the girls have just been acting crazy today, even more so than usual. >As you continue your search, you hear Twilight voice squeak out at barely more than a mumble. >"Hey Anon...I was wondering...would you like it if... we were a couple?" >You almost drop the book you were looking at. >Catching it, you turn to Twilight and give her a confused look. >She's sitting at her desk, looking at you while blushing a bright magenta. >Where did that come from? What are you talking about Twilight? >She smiles and looks away from you, staring out the window. >"Well I just thought...if we were together...then the rest of the girls would stop bothering you." >Ah that's what it is, she just wants to save you from Pinkie's game. While that is a nice offer Twilight, I think I'll have to pass. >You chuckle a bit as you trail a finger across the backs of each book along the shelf. I'm a grown man Twilight, I can fend for myself when push comes to shove. >Taking a random book off the shelf, you look into it and start flipping through pages randomly while smiling absentmindedly. But it's sweet of you to offer to pretend to be my mare like that, you really are such a good friend. >As you continue to read, you don't even notice as your words are echoing in her mind. >Pretend...pretend...pretend. >Such a good friend...good friend...friend. >"Is that what...you...NO! NOT THIS TIME!" >She stands up and loudly stamps on the floor all the way over to the opposite side of the room in anger. >Startled by the sudden noise, you fumble the book you were holding and drop it in a panic. >Turning around you see her absolutely fuming with rage. >"I'm not a little filly anymore Anon! How many times do I have to say I like you before you get it!?" >Oh shit she was serious? >Anon...you dun goofed for the last time. >"I thought we could just be diplomatic and settle this the easy way, like intelligent sensible adults, but I'm done playing around." >Her glowing eyes were starting to freak you out. >You start recalling all the times she tried asking you on dates or even just simple things like hanging out. >All the times she asked you what books you like or if you enjoyed any of her odd hobbies. >You never took her seriously before cause she's just so...weird. >You look at the used candy wrappers and junk littered all over her work station. >And she really was a slob at times. >At some point you just started treating her like a little sister figure cause it felt natural. >But now you had a bomb to defuse. Twilight calm down! You're like a sister to me. I'm just not...attracted to you like that. >Pursing her lips in frustration, you can feel the anger in her eyes burning holes straight through you. >"Oh but you will be soon enough." >You look at her with nervous tension in your eyes, copious amounts of sweat start to sting them. What? >Not even giving you a chance to run, her horn glows with a bright lavender aura. >As she lets loose a beam of light, you uselessly pull up your hands to try and defend yourself. >They don't stop it worth shit. >Shaking with purple energy, you brace yourself against the bookshelf and try to stay upright. >As the beam finally subsides, you slowly open your eyes. >It's hard to see, everything's blurry, so you try rubbing them instead. >Opening them again, everything looks...different. >Oh she got you alright...she got you real good. >Your vision is stained a light shade of pinkish-red and you can't help but give a goofy smile. >The dull giggling look you had, along with your pink eyes made you seem like a stoner. ...WhOa...HeHeH... >You look down at your hands and flex your fingers back and forth like they were the most amazing things ever. >As she watches you zone out, the purple enchantress starts giggling to herself. >"Anon, who do you love the most in this world?" >You look up at her with a dull smile. WhY...[TWILIGHT] Of CoUrSe. >She starts clapping her hooves as she squeals with glee. >"Eeeeheheeee! Curse of the Rose Shaded Lens, it never fails!" >Unable to understand complicated words you just snicker and laugh. ThAt'S SiLlY TwIlIgHt...YoU'rE SiLlY...AnD PrEtTy... >You almost fall forward as you try to lean closer to her from across the room. >She looks at your staggering features as you sway back and forth in ignorant bliss. >"Honestly, I can't believe you gave the other girls so much trouble." >She sticks her snout up proudly. >"I knew it'd be easy when I actually tried." >You have no idea what she's talking about, but you nod in agreement anyway. YoU'rE AmAzInG TwIlIgHt, I DoN't KnOw HoW I EvEr LiVeD WiThOuT YoU~! >She grins at your statement. >"Quite a mystery indeed, now come over here so we can consummate our new found love for each other." >Her wish is your command. >And you certainly didn't want to keep her waiting. >You start walking towards her like an unsteady zombie, it felt like you had spent all night drinking and now had to stumble your way home. >Come on Anon... one foot in front of the other...you got this. >There's no way in hell you're gonna let the love of your life down now. >Twilight watches you with a cree-[SEDUCTIVE] smile as you slowly make your way over to her. >She starts panting with excitement. >She must enjoy how devoted you are to her. >You want to make her happy as soon as possible! >Gaining a little more confidence, you start taking bigger strides in your steps. >Yes that's it, almost there! >She smiles and flutters her eyelashes as you draw closer. >"Now...kiss me." >She closes her eyes and puckers her lips for a kiss. >It spurs you on to no end! >You try and take one final step towards victory. >When suddenly you feel your weight slip out from under you. >Well that isn't good. >Tripping on a stray book that was left on the already messy floor, you feel your body lurch forward like you had stepped on the equivalent of a bar of soap. >With no motor skills to save you, your forehead flies straight into your beloved Twilight's awaiting schnoz. >A gut wrenching *crack* is heard as Twilight screams in pain. >Recoiling back in surprise and shock, she smacks right into the bookshelf behind her. >As she falls to the floor, she rubs her head and looks up to see a mountain of books ready to fall on her. >Unable to levitate them while keeping you under her charm, she tries to crawl away in a panic. >"nonononoNO!" >But soon enough, she's completely buried under the complete collection of The Encyclopedia Equestria. >Being knocked unconscious, you break free from her illusion. >You grab your head as you try to push yourself back up to your feet. >As you finally achieve balance, you continue to stumble back and forth. Whoa...what in the name of Luna just happened? >Coming to your senses, you assess the situation. >Twilight shot you with a beam...and now there's a pile of books in front of you with a single purple hoof sticking out. >Aw crap she's totally gonna blame you for this isn't she? >You decide now would be as good a time to leave as any. >Turning around towards freedom, your foot bumps into a book and painfully stubs your toe. OW motherfu-HEY MY BOOK! >Bending over, you pick up the copy of "The Rewards of Raising Rodents" you were looking for. >For some reason it had a foot print on it. >Deciding not to dwell on it, you go and stuff it in your rucksack anyway. >Thingswentbetterthanexpected.jpg >As you start heading to the exit, you take one last look at the pile and see it start to twitch and groan. >You promptly flee like a bat out of hell to your next destination. [spoiler]SIX[/spoiler] >You are Anon. >And this shit is REALLY starting to piss you off. >You had finished confirming that all your friends are in fact...100% insane. >To hell with your god damn schedule, you're getting your freaking groceries so you don't starve tonight, and then you're going the fuck home. >Stomping your way back to the marketplace, the stands you pass by remind you of Applejack. >It leaves a bitter sweet after taste in your mind. Let's get this shit over with... >Pulling out your shopping list, you get to work on the first and probably last productive activity you've done all day. >Walking over to your first destination, you eye the middle aged stallion manning the stand. >His bored expression is replaced with a professional facade as he smiles and waves to you. >As you lazily wave back, you see his face change to one of confused panic. >You don't figure out what his deal is until it's too late. >As you try to keep walking towards him, you see something blur before your eyes right before you feel yourself yanked forcibly backwards. >Taking a few steps back, you look down and see your arms pinned together with a rope wrapped around them. Are you SHITTING me? >As you try to tear it off with your hands, another rope hog ties you at the wrists. >You bite your lip in anger as you stare at your hands, there was only one mare who'd pull this kind of shit. >And now...you...were...PISSED! God DAMN IT AJ I thought I told yo- >As you twist around, your vision is unexpectedly greeted with the color yellow instead. >Applebloom is grinning at you as she tugs and pulls on the ropes between her teeth. Applebloom, what the bloody hell are you doing!? >She giggles as she pulls the ropes tighter. >"Word is, all tha gals are playing a game of capture tha monkey!" >She starts running laps around you, wrapping you up like a pig in a blanket. >"And winnar gits ta hav' tha time of her life!" >You feel the ropes dig in tight and burn your skin. >"So we're gunna give mah sis a mighty bit-o help!" We're? >You feel another rope slide down your frame and lock your shins in place. >Cranning your neck, you look behind you and see a bright red p0ny had sneaked up on you as well. Et tu, Big Mac? >Big Mac smirks a bit as he hooks a second rope around your ankles. >"Eeeyup!" >You look over at the p0ny running the stand. Are you just going to let them kidnap me you asshole??? >He nervously leans back and looks around skittishly. >"Look man all I'm good at is selling cabbages, what do you expect me to do!?" >You glare him with all your hate. I'll be back you swine... >With a strong yank you feel your leg support crumble. >As your mind tries to catch up to the situation, you fall over and smack into the dirt like a great big tree on its way to the saw mill. Ow fucking sonava-! >Your bitching is cut short as another rope is wrapped around your mouth like a gag. >"No cussing in front of the little one ya hear?" >You growl at him as he drags you away. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCeM8O-fhv0 >They had taken you all the way to their damn barn on the other side of town. >Plopping you there like a sack of old potatoes, they left you there alone while they went and fetched their sister. >Looking out the window you sigh dejectedly. >Judging by the sun, it must be fair bit past noon by now. >You groan in annoyance. >Can't even buy fucking groceries in peace. >Scanning the area, you try to find a way to escape this place in an awesome fashion like you always do. >But all you're rewarded with is hay...and dirt. >I hate my life... >You look down and struggle against the massive amounts of rope they had you wrapped up in. >It reminded you of Rarity's bullshit, but it was way more professionally done. >Still gagged and wrapped like a freaking bug in a cocoon, they even had multiple knots accented with a ribbon tie on top. >Even Clover was trapped inside...hell now you're wondering if she was ok or not. >You try and thrash a bit more till you were out of energy. >There was no getting out of this one was there... >The reality of the situation starts to dawn on you, causing you to start hyperventilating. >You twitch in fear as the barn doors open with a loud *creak*. >Stuck laying on your back, you strain your eyes upwards to try and get a good view of your captor, but the angle sucks and doesn't allow it. >But your curiosity is satiated as you hear a familiar voice. >"Oh sugarcube...look at whut they did to you..." >As Applejack rewards you with her presence, she looks down at you and chuckles weakly. >"This is all kinda lik' earlier isn'it, only... the other way around...heheheh..." >You were not amused. >She sees you scowl at her and her fake smile melts into a sad frown. >"Ah'm...Ah'm sorry. Her Sugar, no need ta treat ya lik'n animal." >She reaches down and gently removes the rope your mouth had been choking on for the past while. >Coughing a little bit, you try and relax your breathing before looking back up at her. >"How ya feelin' Sugar?" >You continue to glare at her with a stern scowl plastered across your face. Pretty shitty AJ, being wrapped up like pinata' and dragged through town as everyone stood and gawked isn't my idea of a fun filled afternoon. >Her face stretches in a nervous smile as she tries to play it off, so you keep going. But it didn't feel nearly as bad as this morning did. >You break another one of her weak attempts to act casual about this. >"But the girls where going to-" But nothing, I trusted you AJ...and instead you betrayed me...the one I put my faith in the most tried to stab me in the back. >Your scowl turns into a look of weakness and depression. How could you? >She looks down at you as her face becomes crestfallen, you could tell she wanted to look away, but she was to strong for that. >"Ya just don' understand Sugarcube, Ah hadta do it!" >As she looked at you with a pleading face, you in turn gave her a look like you had become dead inside. No Applejack...you didn't. >You never used her full name, it made her worried more than anything else. >As she opens her mouth to try and speak again, you cut her off. Enough, no more excuses. >You close your eyes and turn away from her. Ya got me...just...do what your gonna do... >Unable to fight back, you lay there and accept your fate as it sits in her hooves. >If you were gonna get raped by a p0ny, at least it was going to be the least crazy one. >You hear her let out a heartbroken sigh before she makes her move. >As you feel her presence loom closer, you reflexively flinch and brace yourself. >Expecting her to go straight for your face, you feel an odd tugging sensation lower down. >Opening your eyes in confusion, you look down to see AJ pulling knots apart one by one. AJ? What are you doing? >She grunts out an answer between her teeth as she starts yanking the knots loose. >"Doin' what I shoulda dun in tha first place." >Sweat starts pouring down her brow as she struggles with a particularly tough one, you look at her with wide eyes in surprise. But...but why? >"Ah'm doin' it because it's whuts raight gosh darn it!" >You start to breath easier as your restraints start coming loose one by one. >"Ah want'd to git you to love meh, but not like this..." >Tearing a few coils away with her teeth, she keeps talking. >"But Ah sure as shootin wasn' gunna just sit around and twiddle mah hooves in tha corner alone..." >Her lips were turning red and sore as she fought against each mess of rope. >"...While tha others were out trying thar hardest to git ya fer themselves." >You look at her with an accusing frown. That doesn't make what you tried to do ok AJ. >She looks back at you and lets go of the rope momentarily. >"Ah...Ah know Ah dun wronged ya somethin' fierce Anon." >Her eyes start getting glossy with tears. >"But when Ah thought about one of tha otha gals getting their hooves on ya instead...Ah just hadta do somethin'!" >Finally dropping the last rope free, her tears finally started flowing freely. >"Ah just couldn' let ya go without ah fight..." >She sits down on her haunches and quietly starts to cry in front of you. >Her stetson haphazardly falls to the ground, but she doesn't bother picking it up. >You stare at Applejack in a moment of silence. >Standing up, you walk over to her menacingly. >She flinches and closes her eyes as you draw close. >But before she can open them again, you grab her head and hug her tight to your chest. >You can't see her expression, but you feel her twitch once before relaxing in your arms. >Your shirt becomes completely soaked as she quietly sobs into you. >"Oh Sug, Ah didn' want any of this here nonsense, but all the gals were against meh." >She lets out a loud sniff. >"Ah didn' think Ah could stop em alone." >You let out a sigh that almost sounds like a groan. You really are a dumb p0ny sometimes you know that right...? >As you stroke her blonde hair, she lets out a laugh between sobs in your chest. >"Haha...Ah...Ah know..." >Leaning back, she looks up at you with sore red eyes and sniffles as she tries to smile. >"Can...can we still be friends Sugar?" >You look away from her and pretend to think for a moment. >Her smile starts to crumble with worry again. >Having satisfied yourself with teasing her, you lift her up into a real hug. >Catching her by surprise, she takes a moment before resting her head on your shoulder and wrapping her arms around your neck, sighing with relief. Yeah...I think we can give the friend thing another try. >You feel her hug you tight and you reciprocate. And if there's gonna be love involved, I'd prefer not to be paralyzed and unable to move from the waist down. >You feel a stinging sensation in your shoulder as she clocks you one. >"That's not funny Sugarcube." >You wince and chuckle. You're right, it isn't. >Pulling away from you, she wipes her tears away and smiles. >"You best git going soon Anon, the others will come to check on me sooner or later." >She hops off your lap and starts heading for the door. Oh...just one more thing. >As she turns around to ask you, you kneel down and grab her face in both hands, and give her the most romantic kiss your experience can allow. >Pulling away from her, all she can do is stare at you in shock as a trail of saliva hangs between you. Thanks for being who you are AJ. >Blushing furiously, she picks up her stetson and hides her face behind it. >"Gosh darn it Anon, now why'd ya havta go and do somethin' like that." >Still keeping her hat down, she points toward the exit. >"Now go on, git. Or else tha others are probably gunna show up and haul your caboose down to their dungeon." >Taken aback, you look over at her with a dumbfounded look. They have a DUNGEON!?!? >Lifting up her stetson, she looks up at you and smirks. >"I dunno...probably." >Calming down, you roll your eyes and laugh. I'm gonna get back at you for that someday. >She looks up and flutters her eyelashes at you. >"I hope ya do too Anon." >Blushing something fierce, you turn around and head straight for the marketplace again. >Gotta make some distance or you'll never want to leave. >Running back to town, you look up and see the sky was starting to turn orange. >Only a little more time left before all the shops shut down for the day. >Looking back, you see AJ still waving back at you in the distance. >You can't help but smile. >You just might marry that mare someday... ....................... .................. ............ ....... ... . [spoiler]SEVEN~<3[/spoiler] *TO BE CONTINUED*