Anon's H&H day

>It's been fairly quiet so far today

>Which is surprising to say the least with how much these ponies hyped up today's holiday

>You were never really one to celebrate Valentines day though, and dropping into talking horseland doesn't really change much

>So instead you simply sit in your boxers munching on some cereal for lunch

>Breaking you from your intense concentration of munching on delicious cinnamon apple-O's is a knock at the door

>Not bothering to put on some respectable clothes, you decide to keep the story rolling and open the door

>"Hey Anon! I need you to sign this" Derpy the mailmare happily exclaims at the sight of you

"I get a package or something?"

>Taking the clipboard from her, you quickly scribble your name

>"Well, no package, but I have to take signatures and get help when I get a big load."

>Heh, someone gave her a big load

>All joking aside though you look around and can't see anything out of the ordinary

"So, where is it?"

>"One minute. OKAY, BRING IT OVER!" she screams into the air

>Seemingly out of nowhere four nameless pegasus come flying in your direction carrying tons of boxes

"I thought you said I didn't get a package?"

>"It's not a package, it was just easier to put it all in the boxes. You can keep the boxes by the way." she offers before flying away with her still unnamed comrades

>You stare at the boxes for a minute before finally getting the gumption to check it out

>Taking one from the top of one of the piles, you toss off the lid only to find what looks like a bunch of letters

>Picking one from random you check it out

>To: Anonymous, From: Mayor Mare

>Huh

>Opening it up reveals its just a red heart shaped card though, reading "Will you be my special somepony?"

>Of course you aren't going to be somepony, you aren't some faggot, but why the fuck would Mayor Mare of all ponies be sending you this?

>You met her like three times tops when you got here, and none of those were even recent

>Taking another letter out at random reveals the same type of addressing to you, but this one is from Cloudchaser

>Inside is the same card, eerily looking exactly like the one from the mayor

>Handful after handful of letters reveal exactly the same, addressed to you with an exact replica of the heart card

>Half of these ponies you haven't even heard of, the other half you can hardly believe they'd have a crush on you

>Some random mare in Ponyville? Maybe. Princess Celestia? No way.

>And you have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of them might be stallions

>What the fuck are you supposed to do with all these?

>Can't really use em as firewood in the fireplace, it would burn up in minutes, not to mention leave a smell you'd rather not have

>Sure you could use it as kindling to help start fires, but you only need one box to be good for the rest of this and next winter

>More importantly, are you seriously expected to reply to all of these?

>Maybe they'll get the idea that you can't if you just leave em out here to sit

>It's not about getting out of back breaking labor moving all of them, it's about sending a message

>Putting both the letters and boxes back where you found them, you turn back and head into your home for the rest of the day

 

>At night you find yourself sitting on you front lawn in a chair made out of boxes, sipping a beer and admiring the sight of a Ponyville that didn't immediately all go to bed at sundown

>It's not often they have holidays where they stay up late into the night, but seeing all the lights against the night sky reminds you of home, if only a bit

>"Ahem." you hear from behind

>Turning to it, you go wide eyed at Princess Cadence staring at you

"What are you doing here Princess?"

>"I had heard that you received an exceptionally large amount of mail relating to today." she remarks with a hint of malice in her words

>It's hard to be intimidated by pink though

"Yup, you're lookin at it. Makes a surprisingly good chair if you ask me."

>"Anonymous do you not realize the gravity of this? All these ponies send you mail asking for your heart and you don't answer a single one?!"

"Oh please, I got so much mail there's probably a letter here from every pony in Equestria. At this point I'm under the impression it's one big prank. If all of them want my dick so bad, why are you only the sixth pony I've seen all day?"

>Her expression changes from an accusatory glare to one of a bit of worry at your words

"I mean seriously, if even a fraction of them actually wanted me, I'd have a whole slew of ponies coming by my house to talk rather than expecting me to mail back to them."

>Cadence only appears more worried, but you simply tilt your head up in thought

"In fact, I think I got one from you? Aren't you married?"

>"I.. Maybe I came by to ask for your reply myself!" she indignantly sputters out

"Isn't that cheating? I vaguely remember hearing something about you being married to Twilight's brother."

>"Maybe I'd rather have you."

>She's blushing up a storm at that remark

>Well, if this is a giant prank, lets see how far she's willing to keep it going

"Prove it. Get over here and kiss me."

>Her eyes go wide, probably from not realizing you'd call her bluff

>Tentatively she steps over to you until you're face to face and incredibly slowly she moves her head towards yours

>If she's going to be this nervous you might as well have some fun with her

>In one quick motion you grab her head with both hands and bring her lips to yours

>With gusto you literally throw your tongue into her mouth with as much passion as you can muster, trying to achieve maximum shock value

>However, her tongue starts to intertwine with yours

>It's so much longer, and despite being virtually wrapped around yours she still has enough length to probe the insides of your mouth

>And now she's started moaning into your mouth

>This is not the sound of a married mare

>Or if it is, it's one that's seriously in need of a better husband

>And despite her initial trepidation, you're the one to pull back from the lip lock

>Surprisingly, it takes quite a bit of pull to get her to back off

"What the fuck?"

>Cadence however, is just staring off into space with an open mouth

>"So.. much.. love.." you faintly hear her mutter

>A burst of green flames appears around the mare, and the pink of her coat is replaced with a chitinous black

>In no time you're looking at a completely different mare, one that almost looks like an insect

>It takes all of a few seconds to come to a startling revelation

"You're not Cadence."

>The mare... bug... thing shakes her head to refocus herself and looks at her hooves

>She looks very worried about something, and starts looking from you to areas opposite Ponyville proper

"Wait a minute, you can turn into any pony?"

>Her face scrunches in confusion at your words, apparently caught off guard, but fuck if you know why though

>"Yes..?"

"So you're the one that sent me all those letters?"

>"Yes..?"

"And you were going to take the form of whoever I said yes to?"

>"I- Yes."

"That's so fucking cool."

>"Really?" she asks hopefully

"Yeah. I mean, you could have done better on the execution and all that. Sending almost a million letters is pretty off putting. You could have done something like sneakily figure out who I want and then give me secret admirer kinda stuff and draw it out that way. Instead you send me a ton of boxes that I might end up getting a fine for for making a bonfire with em in my front yard."

>She just blinks at you for several seconds after you finish talking

>"So, you're not scared of me?"

"You're not going to hurt or kill me are you?"

>"No no no, I'd never do such a thing!" she frantically remarks

"Well I don't see what the big deal is then. Want to go inside?"

>And just like that she's in your lap hugging the shit out of you

>"Yes! Thank you thank you thank you!" she cries into your chest

>You wrap your arms around her to both return the hug and carry her as you get up to go back in your home

>On the short walk back to your house you realize you never got her name

>It doesn't matter though, seeing as you get to spend whats left of Hearts and Hooves night with whatever mare you want her to be