Oneshot: Bir Khalsa Gatka fsr

*Day Punjab is Fucking Crazy in Equestria*

 

>Wake up

>You know the routine;  shit, shower, shave, go downstairs, etc

>But, instead of getting cereal, you head straight for the front door

>You open it just in time to see Fluttershy's hoof miss where the door used to be

>She's pretty predictable

>She's also wearing a turban and spiked bracers today

>Maybe not so predictable....

Can I help you?

>'Oh, uh, well....'

>'I, uh, want to show you something'

>She jumps back, and you see the rest of the mane six, Big Mac, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and other various p0nies, all wearing matching turbans and bracers

>'I, um, dedicate this performace to you, my love'

 

>Twilight hits the play button on a boombox, and the sounds of some Middle Eastern instruments starts playing, accompanied by a man singing in a language you don't understand

>As the music starts, Fluttershy begins to mouth the words being sung, and starts a slow choreographed routine, ending with her hooves extending to what you're assuming to be the center of the stage

>Twilight does the same, a mirror image of Fluttershy, similarly ending with her hoof outstretched

>The music continues, and Applejack and Rarity come from the sides of the stage, meeting in the center

>They turn away from each other as they approach, and stand back to back, looking at you and reaching out to you while lip-synching

>Rarity looks like she'd rather be anywhere else but here; you're assuming it's because, while planned out, it's very poorly choreographed

I don't know what you're getting at here, but it seems nice so far

>The music suddenly changes tempo, and the p0nies flee the stage, while five ponies begin spinning some odd wheels hoof over hoof

>Okay, maybe not THAT poorly choreographed...

>You're mesmerized by the spinning wheels, enough to not notice Fluttershy making her way to the back of the stage

>The p0nies spinning suddenly stop and exit to the sides, allowing Fluttershy to rush to the front

>She seems to be holding....

>Why does she have flourescent tubes?

>Your question is answered as she reaches the front of the stage;  she smashes the tube across her face

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

 

>She continues to break the tube over herself, and is joined by Twilight, following suit by hitting herself in the face

>As the tubes wear down they, instead of breaking them over their bodies, begin to grind them with their mouths

>Shards of glass and drops of blood cascade from their mouths, but they continue, unflinching

>Rarity runs up to Fluttershy, flourescent bulbs in hoof, and begins to break them over Fluttershy

>With every hit, Fluttershy tenses her muscles and lets out a roar of strength

>Twilight continues to eat lightbulbs, crunching them between her front teeth and letting the glass fall

>Fluttershy, since rearmed, breaks a fresh bulb across her chest, and then proceeds to strike the remaining bulb against her forelimb, gradually whittling it down to nothing

>Once they finish their bizzare show, Fluttershy and Twilight flee the stage

>They're replaced by Applejack, Applebloom, and Big Mac

>Applejack lays on her side, facing you, while Applebloom brings over a stack of three bricks

>Applejack and Applebloom then balance the bricks on Applejack's head, while Big Mac walks up with a sledgehammer

OH GOD PLEASE NO

 

>'Noope', he responds, sending the hammer down on AJ's head

>The bricks shatter, and Applejack jumps up, unhurt

>You sigh in relief

>Just then, Pinkie Pie makes her way to the center of the stage

>She appears to have a flaming staff, and is twirling it chaoticly around the stage

>This won't end well

>She continues this bizzare dance, and you see Big Mac strut his way front and center

>Pinkie then breaks the fiery stick across his chest, causing him to shout

>'EEYUP!'

>Rarity runs out with a similar, non-flaming stick, and homerows the stallion

>'EEYUP'

>AJ comes onstage and bends a length of rebar over Big Mac's neck

>'EEYUP'

>This continues several times, first with sticks, and then with pieces of plywood

>Mac, to his credit, never flinches once

>He roars triumphantly, setting up a small bench before exiting stage right

>He's replaced by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, all bearing an object

>Scootaloo has a large clay pot

>Applebloom has a sledgehammer

>And Sweetie Belle has a sledgehammer, only this one has been filed down so the head is sporting two razor-sharp points

 

>Scootaloo lays down on the bench, positioning the pot above her

>Sweetie rests her hammer, points down, on the pot

>Applebloom hefts her hammer over her head

GIRLS, NO!  THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO EARN YOUR CUTIE MARKS!

>Too late;  Applebloom's hammer connects with Sweeties, causing the pot to break over Scootaloo

>It shatters, leaving a sizable piece still on Scootaloo's chest

>Sweetie moves the hammer, and Applebloom brings hers down again, splintering the remaining chunk

>Even though there's no clay left, A.B. and S.W. hammer Scootaloo a few more times, just for good measure

>You're horrified, but you still manage to eeke out:

...heh.  Scootabuse.

>as the Crusaders exit, leaving four stallions on stage, bending rebar by forcing it against each other's throats

>Each team seems to make it about 90 degrees, before they all collapse in a heap, clutching their throats

>As you're wondering if they're okay, you hear 'Over here, my love!'

 

>You turn your head to find Fluttershy laying on the ground while Pinkie slowly inches a car closer to her

>Pinkie then guns it, running over Fluttershy with the front wheels

PINKIE WHAT THE FUCK!  wHERE DID YOU EVEN GET A CAR IN EQUESTRIA?

>She's too busy committing the most cooperative hit-and-run in history to notice

>Pinkie then guns it a little more, halfway through running over Fluttershy with her back tires when

>SCOOTALOO OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE

>zips up on her scooter and runs over Fluttershy's head

>You cry out in equal parts shock and concern, but Flutters appears to be okay

>Twilight runs up and helps Fluttershy stand

>She did just get FUCKING RUN OVER BY A CAR, AFTER ALL

>Your focus averts back to center stage, where Rarity is lying nervously on the ground as stallions pile concrete blocks on her chest

>Big Mac runs up from the back, a sledgehammer cocked over his head

OH GOD NO YOU'LL SQUISH HER LIKE A MARSHMALLOW

>He arcs the hammer, and brings it down on the blocks being supported by an increasingly terrified Rarity

>The bricks break, half falling to the ground, and he hits the other half, bouncing them off Rarity's chest and letting them fall

>AJ appears next to him, and gives her best 'come at me bro' face

I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING, APPLESAUCE

 

>He obliges, and hits her in the chest with the hammer

>Twice

>And once in the side, before throwing the hammer down in victory

>The hammer falls next to Twilight, who's laying on the ground while Pinkie stands above her with an axe

>Pinkie swings it down at Twilight's face

THIS ISN'T CUPCAKES YOU CRAZY BITCH WHAT ARE YOU DOING

>Suddenly, Spike shoves a metal box between Pinkie's legs, catching the axe just before it hits Twilight

>This doesn't stop Pinkie, however, and she continues to try and force the axe through the box and split Twilight's skull in two

>Pinkie stops, however, when you all hear 'AND NOW FOR THE MOST AWESOMEST STUNT!' come from your right

>Rainbow is standing atop a tower, next to a ladder made of...

HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT NOTICE A FUCKING LADDER MADE OUT OF FUCKING FLOURESCENT BULBS?!?

>Rainbow grins, wings spread wide, and smashes a bulb over her chest, embedding large chunks of glass into her skin

>She then belly flops in the most ungraceful way imaginable through a tower of fragile glass and noble gas

>She stands up, seemingly unhurt, and does a victory lap around Sweetie Belle, who's pulling the car Pinkie was driving with her teeth

YOU'RE LIKE THE SIZE OF A FUCKING CHIHUAHUA, HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE

 

>Sweetie drops the car and runs to the main stage, where all the other p0nies are gathering

>Rainbow is laying on her back, and has two 'bed of nails' boards placed on her chest, one facing down, one facing up

>Rarity follows suit, laying on the nails coming up from Rainbow's chest, and likewise has two boards placed on her chest

>Twilight jumps on top, and has a cinderblock balanced on her torso

>They seem to be making a tower

>Fluttershy appears from the back, holding a hammer

>She flies up and brings the hammer down on the block being supported by Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow.

>It doesn't break the first time, so she hits it again, causing it to crack

>Half falls to the floor and Flutters hits the remaining piece, causing it to tumble down

>Everyp0ny starts to pose, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders climb to the top of the tower

>They collectively wave the Equestrian flag as the song ends, and everyp0ny poses dramatically

>You're fucking shocked speechless

>What the fuck did you just witness

>Fluttershy jumps out of formation and asks:

>'Uhm, is Gatka your fetish, Anon?'

 

>You cross your legs slightly, only barely able to contain your massive erection

>That was the most glorious thing you've ever witnessed

>All the p0nies seem to be eagerly awaiting your answer

.....No, Fluttershy

>The collective of p0nies lets out one huge sigh of relief and begins to disperse

>Fluttershy also says 'Thank Celestia.  I'm never doing that again'

You did a really good job, though.  

>This boner isn't subsiding, and you're seriously considering giving her the dick

>I mean, that was hellaciously impressive

>She says 'Thanks.  We put a lot of work into it.  Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go wash broken glass and mercury out of my cuts.'

>'I'll see you tomorrow, Anon.'

Oh... okay. Sure.  See you then

>You turn around, close the door, and immediately begin masturbating furiously into one of your socks

>Hey, this boner needs to go away somehow, seeing as you're not

>Fucking Fluttershy

 

Go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-OFfcC7-cI

and start watching at 1:20

 

It is, dare I say, epic