Elsa Comes Out: Divulgence

        They were already half way through the castle by the time Elsa realized what she was doing, blubbering like a child about her sister leaving. She tried to push Kristoff away, only to find it hard to stand on her own, nearly collapsing before his arms lifted her up again. Pull yourself together, Elsa told herself in her head. Even so, she couldn’t really stop the tears from sliding down her face, she didn’t even notice them freezing as they dripped from her chin a trail of diamonds in her wake.

        Kristoff was at a loss of what to do or say save letting the girl lean on him and carry her back to her room. He’d never seen such an outpour of emotion from Elsa before. Save for a smile or a laugh she’d always been stoic.

        “Ice master…” it was one of the castle bailiffs, his hand out. Ready to help him with the queen, Kristoff assumed.

        “No, it’s alright, I’ve got her,” he said, nodding the man off. In her clouded mind Elsa thanked him.

        By the time the pair, and the maids, and the butlers, had reached the queen’s room she’d composed herself, a slight shudder or gasp all that betrayed her emotions. She thanked the household for their help, and told them she was fine now. The collection of people bowed, Kristoff realizing he was supposed to a moment afterward, and began to disperse.

        “Kris-Kristoff, wait,” she said, a soft gasp for air escaping her, “I’d... I’d like to talk.”

The blond man gave her a long look, her hair was out of place, make up had run down her cheeks from the tears, she was a mess. Kristoff imagined Anna didn’t look much better. He nodded and followed the queen into her chambers.

        The queen walked to a basin and mirror, pouring out water and soaking a cloth before washing her face with it. Kristoff simply looked around the room, the occasional sharp breath and the sloshing of water filling the room with an awkward silence between them.

        It hadn’t changed since he’d last been in here, that day months ago. He’d have to admit he thought a bit about that time, and judging by how Elsa acted when she’d barged into his shed at Ice Lake, the queen did too. Kristoff sighed.

        He turned his mind to Anna. He’d rushed straight to town the moment he’d heard about her leaving, cursing himself to go faster every minute. He’d missed her by hours, of course. But it still felt like if he could have gone just a little faster he’d been able to see her off.

        “Thank you, Kristoff.”

The break in the silence startled him and he turned to the queen. Elsa had mopped up her eyes, the mascara and eye shadow now gone. She still looked at beautiful as always, “Oh, it’s no trouble.”

        Elsa wrung her hands, “Did… did anyone see?”

        “You crying?”      

“Yes…”

        “I, uh. Yeah. I think so.”

It was a mortifying thought, “People shouldn’t see their queen like that. It’s not right. I’m supposed to be better than that.”      

        “You’re only human, Elsa.

A sad little smile caressed her lips, “I suppose,” they lapsed into silence again, an arrangement of thoughts set between them. They just didn’t know how much they thought of the same thing.

        “When uh. When will Anna be back?”

Elsa’s heart broke a little at seeing the man’s face as he asked after her sister.

        “A few weeks at least,” Elsa said, “I’m sorry Kristoff, we sent a messenger to get you when we decided when she’d leave.”

        “It’s fine.”

“You know she thinks the world of you, Kristoff.”

That seemed to cheer him up at least. The two shared a sad smile. Kristoff coughed and looked around.

 “The uh, castle. It’s looking good.”

        “Oh? Thank you,” Elsa said, “Anna wanted to leave some of the tapestries and flowers from Auntie’s visit.”

        Another awkward silence deadened the air in the room. Elsa’s mind ran through things to say, Most of it was about Anna. No no. Not Anna. If you think about her you’ll start to crack again.

        “Is uh. Is ice delivering is going well?”

“Yeah uhh.. Yeah. It’s… going… good,” Kristoff said, “What uh… What’s new?”

Elsa let out a sigh of relief, “With winter coming on, we’ve opened the castle to anyone that needs a place to stay. For what it’s worth, you’re welcome to stay. You and Sven.”

“I don’t know, Elsa…”

        She had the same listless look to her that Kristoff had seen her with when Anna first wanted him to take her out of the castle. Kristoff wondered if that’s what she was like when she had to close Anna out. She needed a friend. This time he put his hand over hers.

        “Yeah I guess,” he smiled, “Yeah I’ll stay.”

He really was sweet, wasn’t he? Elsa thought. Anna didn’t really know how lucky she was. Elsa wanted that. Well, no, she thought, she had it, for a scant few moments she had it. Elsa loved Anna, with all her heart she loved her sister, but she still found herself jealous of her little sister. Neither of them had the best time growing up, but Anna could meet people. Anna could remember the warmth of their mother’s hug. Elsa had forgotten it long ago.

        His hand was warm. He was always warm.

        “Kristoff.”

        “Hmm?”

She lifter her hands to his face and before he could say anything she lightly kissed his lips.

        Why did this keep happening between them? “Elsa, what are you-”

        “I love you,” she said, she was smiling, her eyes were smiling. Why did she feel like she was about to cry?

        “You’re just upset, Elsa, you-”

        “No. No. I wasn’t sure before, but- but I am now,” she said, “I know how you feel about me. I know how you feel about Anna. You should marry her. You should. I just… I wanted you to know.”

        “Elsa…”

 

        The snow queen leaned back, her fingers tracing the muscles on Kristoff’s chest. She rolled her hips and she took in a sharp breath, he was still inside her. She shouldn’t be doing this, she knew. Not after Anna just left. Before she’d had Anna’s blessing, but now? She was distraught, she’d tell herself later. It was all the feelings of being alone again. They’d made a sort of promise, she and Anna, they wouldn’t leave each other, they wouldn’t shut each other out. She didn’t know what her sister would do when she found out. And she would. Kristoff would tell her straight away. They didn’t have any secrets. She’d cross that bridge when she came to it. Right now she felt so warm.

        For the second time that night Kristoff was taken aback by the girl. Before Elsa had been hungry, but nearly flinched at any touch. This time she was hungry like before but she pulled him along. Nearly every moment she had one of his hands pressed against her and when he pulled a hand away she’d take his other and pull it to her, to caress her, fondle her. Like before it seemed like what she wanted more than anything was to be touched. It was another little ‘secret face’ and one that only he could see.

        Elsa smiled at him, running her hand over his chest as she rolled her hips. When Kristoff groaned she pulled his hand to her chest. She could feel him begin to stiffen again.